Escape 
from 
Lake 
Csasba.

































By Phil Kramer
& Dan Flores.














CHAPTER I 

The Incident. 

It was a cool autumn day. Just like any other day...
it would seem. But a closer look would reveal that the
squirrels were a bit more jumpy, the wind blew just a
little bit more fiercely than usual, and the streets
ran red with the blood of infants, but other than
that, it was just like any other crisp autumn day in
Mid-Michigan. 
It was on this day that the young men and women of
Physics 192 were doing their labs. They continued
busily outside of the classroom, working, working.
They heard strange chants and a little screaming going
on inside the building, but brushed it off and
continued to work, to work on their labs, their little
labs with their little pens, until Schmoe came across
a problem: 
"Hey, I want to take Q over P, but I can't find P," he
said. 
"Oh, P is infinity," said Azzizzi 
"Can you divide by infinity?" asked Bo-Bo. 
"Sure, why not? I mean who is it going to hurt?"
Azzizzi said with 
the utmost confidence. 
So, all the students did divide by infinity, since all
the students copied off from each other. And after
that, all the students entered the classroom, which
oddly enough, was heavy with the foul perfume of
rotting flesh.  They handed in their labs, then, after
the class was over, they all walked home in one large
group to a house they all shared some ten miles away. 
All the time talking about what their lab T.A., the
infamous Senor Csasba, would give them as a grade. 
"I bet he gives me a 10," said Kagoo-goo. 
"I bet he gives me 10 to the tenth power," said
Bumesshe Ru-ru. 
"I bet he gives me infinity. I mean, we divided by
infinity, that must mean infinity is a real number, so
why shouldn't he be able to give me infinite points,"
said Bowian. 
At the same time, Senor Csasba was also walking home,
tightly clutching his suitcase, anticipating the prize
within, that prize being the labs. 
"Oh the beautiful wonderful labs," he thought to
himself. On the way he saw a squirrel, so he ate it. 
Upon arriving home, he was disappointed to see that he
had missed 
"America's Funniest Home Videos", again. 
"Dammit!" He cried "Those damned kids always make me
miss my damned show.  That Sagat guy is so damn funny,
but now I'll never be able to hear his witty quips." 
He then pressed a button, revealing a super secret
Sagat altar. 
"What I do, I do in your name," he solemnly swore.
He chanted a curse as he bowed to a life size statue
of Sagat. Then he ate an infant child that would have
lived a bad life anyway.  
He stripped naked and sat down on his grading couch.
He pulled out his suitcase, went to open it, then
hesitated. Something in the air made him uncertain,
yet full of rage. He shook off the foolish feeling,
and went to open the suitcase. As he touched the
latches, his altar began shaking violently, and he
heard these words in the voice of Sagat: 
"Don't do it." 
Sweat began pouring in torrents from his furry and
loving brow. He felt as though someone was rubbing ice
up and down his back. Nonetheless he opened the
suitcase and began reading. 
He browsed through the first one, talking to himself
in his funny Eastern European accent as he went along.

"Hmmm.... yes, that's an astiogumote," He struggled to
pronounce astigmatism.  "... hmmm... n times sine of
theta.... yes...Oh well, theta is small enough that we
can just say that sine of theta is equal to theta.
I'll have to mark him down for that. I can't believe
he didn't see that one. That is almost intuitive if
you ask me. .... ah yes... Q over P?" 
He stopped suddenly.  His mouth was agape with horror.
Could it be? 
"But P is infinity," he said. He began to curl in
pain. His naked sweaty body slipped off the vinyl
grading couch and curled into fetal position. 
"They divided by infinity," he began to weep like a
hurt child. 
"What have they done to me? What have they done? My
Lord and God 
Sagat I ask you in your name, what have they done?" 
He did not move the rest of the night. He only stayed
curled on the floor in a ball of naked sweaty flesh.
Laying on his side, he rocked himself to sleep with a
quiet painful groan. All that he knew was pain.
Out of his window he could see the moon. His last
thoughts before drifting to sleep were, "The ... the
moon... It's yellow, but it's trying to be orange...
ca-caaawwww....." 


Chapter II 

The Vision. 

In the morning, Csasba woke up to the sound of birds
singing. He 
thought maybe last night wasn't as bad as he made it
out to be. Perhaps the children did not mean to divide
by infinity. But sure enough, it was 
there. Scribbled in their frantic child like writing
were the horrors of the like that their minds could
not comprehend. 

Q/P

They made the mistake and nothing in the world could
change it. Not heaven nor hell nor all the gods of
sweet Rogoslavia could change what those bastardly
children did. What arrogance, what outrageousness,
what nerve. Now ask your self this, do you think that
Casabsa could ever love a child who handed him this? 
"Maybe if I give them another chance," the kind and
forgiving Csasba said to himself in a weak attempt at
self delusion. 
"Besides, I don't have to see them until next
Tuesday." 
Csasba went about his daily routines for the day. He
started by 
putting on his women�s under garments that he bought
at Victoria's Secret.  The sign just outside the store
said, "All bras half off." How could he resist such a
tempting offer from a sign that was so geniusly
commercially engineered to specifically play
subconsciously off the erotic side of him the
consumer. 
Then he took a shower. 
After taking his shower like he usually does, he put
on a nice Roganinna sweater that he had especially
shipped from his homeland, and a pair of American
Levi's jeans. 
"I always love wearing wet women's under garments with
my casual clothing on the out side." 
He then proceeded to look for breakfast in his fridge.

"There doesn't seem to be any... oh wait!"  
Just then he remembered that last night he
regurgitated some of his squirrel and infant. He began
to carefully cut it up with his knife and fork.
Enjoying each morsel. After that he went to feed his
pet mice like he always does. 
He took a knife and made several holes in the side of
his right arm. Then he took his arm and set it in the
cage. The mice came and 
each one got a feeding hole to themselves. 
"Today will be a good day," thought Csasba. 
After returning home from a hard days of work Csasba
seemed gleaming 
with joy. "Ah, such a good day. All my experiments
worked.  No voices in my head told me to eat infants,
and no labs today." 
Famished Csasba opened the fridge only to find
disappointment. 
"Empty. Oh well, I will check the rat traps." 
Checking the traps around his house and in the houses
around his 
neighborhood, he found one dead rat worthy of his
feasting. 
"Mmmm, I shall boil my little tasty treat and have
some rat tea." 
Sitting down in front of the TV he began to sup his
tea and eat his rat poison that he had found at old
man Wellington's house. 
"Any second now America's Funniest Home Video's will
be on. What joy." 
Just then he felt a drip of water come from the
ceiling. He looked up and saw that he didn't have a
ceiling. He could see into the stars and heavens above
him. The sight was beautiful and of the likes that
none had ever seen. The only problem is that the
universe was melting onto his face. 
"Why do you melt universe?" 
A voice answered him, "I do not melt but I cry."  
The voice was all too familiar. It was the all knowing
Bob.  Quickly Csasba stripped naked and fell to his
knees. He noticed however that no matter how many
times he took off his clothes there were still clothes
on his body. He clawed and gripped at his skin trying
to get the 
imaginary clothes off his already naked body. 
"STOP!" the voice commanded. "The time is near. The
souls are ripe for the harvest. You will be given your
signs." 
Just then Csasba looked at his mice as they began to
speak. 
"We divide by infinity. We're better than you.  We
laugh at you.  You aren't going to be anything.
They'll never let you teach anything other than
Physics 192. They don't like you. You talk funny. We
don't like your kind." 
"Shut up! Shut UP! WHY HAVE YOU TURNED ON ME?!" Csasba
cried. 
"You smell funny. All you do is eat infants and
squirrels." 
"Eat the mice Csasba!" called the voice of Bob. "Obey
me." 
"But my mice, Sagat, my mice." 
"Obey me." 
Slowly Csasba opened the cage. 
"Good bye Fee-fee." he said and swallowed the mouse
whole. 
"So long Joey Bun-bun." Again swallowing the mouse
whole. 
"So long Pico-Paco. I'll always remember the time you
wet yourself while running on the wheel at the same
time." 
"Uh... yeah later. I understand.... uh ... yeah, I
guess we went a little too far with that we divide by
infinite comment, hu?" said Pico-Paco. 
"That's okay," wept Csasba, and with that Csasba
swallowed Pico-Paco.


Chapter III 

The Pain. 

Csasba woke up the next morning in a sickly puddle of
urine and vomit.  His skin was torn and his memory of
what had happened was fuzzy, kinda like his loving
brow. The cuts on his body stung as his own fluids
attempted to reenter him. He stared at a strange swirl
near his head.  As he stared he saw an image form, it
was Sagat and he was laughing. 
"Why do you swim in my vomit and mock me so?" He
cried, "What has 
happened, where am I?" 
His mind strained for an answer.  He couldn't think. 
Only thing he remembered was breaking into old man
Wellington�s house to snatch a little rat poisoning. 
"I swear I shall never again eat rat poisoning on a
school night," he vowed aloud. 
"Liar!" cried a voice from within his own body. 
"Wha..?  Who are you?  Why do you cry out from my
belly?" 
There was no answer, so Csasba scooped up his bodily
fluids, and put a little in a thermos for lunch. 
He snuck into the Widow Clarington's house to get some
underwear, as his were soiled. Then he used her shower
and snuck back out to his house.  
After he was dressed he decided to visit his mice. He
walked towards the cage thinking about Pico-Paco, and
that time he wet himself.  How Csasba laughed until he
wet himself too. He could tell that Pico-Paco saw the
humor in it. 
"Ah, I wonder how life has been treating him lately"
he thought. 
"Pico-Paco suffers so much, yet he still fights.  Just
like me. Yes, just like me." 
"Yes, fight, fight to the bloody DEATH!" cried the
voice from within. 
Csasba began to sweat profusely.  He needed comfort
quickly, so he ran to his cage.  But the mice were
gone. 
"Oooh, they have been very naughty," Csasba thought. 
"I will find them. Then punish them, just like Uncle
Herbie punished me when I misbehaved."
Then the clock struck twelve, which was bath time.  So
Csasba put on some catnip, just like usual.
As always happened on Friday at noon, little Jane's
pet cat Fluffy came to roll around in Csasba�s catnip.
 Csasba waited, naked and covered in catnip behind a
bush, and that's when his bathing began.  After Fluffy
had licked him clean Csasba milked her, and set her
free. 
"Hmm, there's nothing better than cat milk on Golden
Grahams," he thought as he took a sip. 
"Ah, it is so warm." 
Then he decided to go to the alley to get some lunch. 
Finding more than enough maggots and kittens to suit
his needs he decided to go to class. 
Along the way he saw a squirrel, but hesitated. He
wasn't hungry, but that had never stopped him from
eating a squirrel or even a dozen squirrels when the
opportunity presented itself, it was the way Sagat
wanted it.  Suddenly everything came back to him,
everything that had happened the night before. 
"Eat the squirrel.  It's good for you," cried the
voice.
"No, no, Sagat will not make me kill again!" Csasba
said as he 
attempted to hold back the tears. 
"You cannot deny Sagat!" screamed the voice.
"Who are you, why do you torture me so?" 
"What, do you not recognize the voice of PICO-PACO" 
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
cried Csasba as he fell to the sidewalk weeping his
little heart away. 
"I will fight you. You are not real, you are just the
effects of guilt and the residuals of rat poisoning
pumping through my veins."
"I am not real am I? Well can dreams do this?!"
screamed Pico-Paco.
And with that the enlarged evil-ish head of Pico-Paco
ripped through Csasba's abdomen. Csasba screamed in
pain. 
"Eat the squirrel" cried the horrible mouse, "I am
hungry, eat the 
squirrel." 
"Hey buddy, are you all right?" asked a man as he
tapped Csasba on the his shoulder.
"What? ... Oh, yes," he sniffed.  "I am fine."  Then
Csasba made his way to class. 


Chapter IV 

The Acceptance.

Once at the doors to the Physics Astronomy building,
Csasba opened up his coat and looked at his abdomen.
Sure enough, the head of Pico-Paco 
stared back at him with his beady little eyes, and his
once white fur coat 
now stained in Csasba's blood. 
"What do you want form me?" Asked Csasba. 
"Sagat sent me here to make sure you obey," said the
evil mouse. 
"What do you mean?" 
"The souls are ripe for the harvest, Csabsa. The time
is now. I, THE 
INCARNATE OF PICO-PACO, AM YOUR FIRST SIGN!!!"
exclaimed the evil-ish mouse. 
Sweat began to drip from Csasba's bronze face. His
hands became clammy and he had a bad rash on his butt
because he didn't wipe good the last time he 
pooped. 
The mouse began to speak again, "Look at me!" 
"I am," said Csasba. 
"Oh yeah ... NO! I mean really look at me! Look at me
and listen. The children... the children must be the
first to meet Sagat. Their souls are as ripe as fruit
that is ready to be picked off the tree because it is 
already ripe, but not so ripe that it's fallen off the
tree into the icky 
ground. NO! But ripe enough that it will taste sweet
and succulent. That I 
can tell you is the truth. Oh yes. AND YOU, Csasba,
will bring them to 
Sagat. Do not hesitate! For then the fruit will fall
on the ground where 
squirrels and infants crawl. No, do not wait this will
anger Sagat. But be 
as swift as a fast runner in a race who wins first
place." 
All this the mouse said. 
"Pico-Paco, I am a foreign to the English language,
and I could 
still think of better analogies than you," claimed
Csasba. 
Angered, Pico-Paco took hold of an intestine saying,
"Analogize THIS!" And bit down on it. Csasba fell to
the ground clutching his stomach. 
"OBEY!" said the mouse, "OBEY, OBEY! ... Obey and you
shall live. Do this not.... and you shall parish." 
Just then Csasba tried his hardest to kiss his own
ars. 
Csasba felt as weak as the new born kittens that he
would rip away from their mothers so he could get to
the milk first. A tear swelled up in 
Csasba's eye. He wanted to obey Sagat, but he also
wanted to teach Physics 
192 (and something inside told him that he wouldn't be
able to teach 
students if their souls had been reaped).  Csasba was
torn.  Between his 
love and his duty, but he did not know which was
which. 
"I... I... I will obey," Csasba bawled.  "I will obey.
I will obey.  I will obey. ... ... I will obey." 
"Okay shut up, one would have been enough," said
Pico-Paco as he turned around and crawled back inside
Csasba's abdomen.  Once in side, Csasba felt Pico-Paco
wet him self inside his stomach.  Csasba laughed and
through his tears thought, "It's going to be all
right. It's going to be all right."  He walked into
class with a smile. 


Chapter V 

The Lab

The students were all ready sitting at their
respective tables, 
prepared to start their lab for the week, when Csasba
thought to himself "It is very funny to imagine all
the children naked" and so he did, chuckling all the
way. 
He went on, explaining theory that the children
wouldn't understand, 
but all the while thinking about what Pico-paco had
said. 
"For today's lab," began Csasba "we will need..." 
"Won't we need Uranium 1000?" butted in Bowian. 
"Yes we will," Csasba said as he strained to smile.
"Bowian thinks that he is so smart," thought Csasba. 
"He doesn't even know what true pain is, how can he
know Physics?" 
Then Pico-Paco said, "Do not worry about him, he is no
better than a 
squirrel."  
The words comforted Csasba and he was able to go on,
explaining this and that about physics, all the while
planning, yes planning, how he could 
rid the world of the children. "But the children must
never know," he 
thought. "Not until it is too late." 
As he went on, he noticed that the students were all
staring at him. It was impolite to stare, Uncle Herbie
had tought him that long ago. A lesson Csasba had
learned well. But the children kept staring as csasba
spoke. He thought that they were staring to deep into
him, straight into the eyes of Pico-Paco. 
He shot his arms to his abdomen, to cover the mouse. 
Then he screamed, "What is wrong, have you never seen
death stare you in the 
eyes? Have you never heard him call your name in the
night? Have you never 
smelled his foul breath as he brushed against your
neck? Have you never 
felt his icy hands caress you at night?" 
The students laughed, thinking that he was joking.
Csasba realizing this, was relived that the children
where not onto him, and forced out a pathetic chuckle.
He continued with the lecture thinking about the most
perfect and sneakiest way to do Sagat's biding. 
After he had finished the lecture and the students had
begun their lab experiments, Csasba walked to the
bathroom to write some profanities on the stall doors.

He started by drawing a stick figure on a toilet. He
laughed, and 
underneath the crude drawing he wrote, "Professor
Joe".  He could hardly 
control the giggles, he continued writing "Professor
Joe uses the toilet 
like this. He is very consti-" 
He was interrupted when Pico-Paco began to speak: 
"Csasba, the children, what to do about the children? 
Please, think of the children." 
"I don't know, I guess I could just eat them" 
"No! That will not do at all. You would eat the flesh
which rightly belongs to Sagat." 
"Good point" thought Csasba. How silly of Csasba to
deny such things from his lord.  But then Csasba
thought, "But then what should I do?" 
"Your old family manor on Lake Csasba in Rogoslavia,
take them there to meet their demise. Then you can
mail them to Sagat so that he can eat them," Pico-Paco
answered.  
"Yes, that is a very good idea.  I will lure them to
Lake Csasba, and eliminate them one by one. Sagat's
will shall be done." 
Then Csasba finished writing his profanities, and sat
down to think of how to lure the children onto the
lake.  He thought and thought, how could he get them
there? He was saddened by his failure and began to
weep silently. 
Just then Azzizzi walked in the bathroom. He noticed
the weeping and 
knocked on the stall door. "Are you all right?" he
asked. 
"Yes *sniff* ," said Csasba in a disguised voice. "I
am fine." 
"Yeah I can understand, It's pretty stressful in the
PA building.  If only one of these labs were held
somewhere else, like Tahiti" 
The brilliance of the statement hit Csasba
immediately. "Yes," he answered, "if only they were
held somewhere else!" 
Csasba waited for Azzizzi to leave, then walked to
class, where the students were finishing up their
labs. He then informed them that next week their lab
would be held in Rogoslavia. The class seemed very
happy. 
"Should we bring a lot of clothes" asked Bumesshe
Ru-ru, one of the girls. 
Csasba thought for awhile and then said, "Yes, you
should bring plenty of lingerie. You will need them
due to Rogoslavia's odd climate."
He said this since the girl was about his size and
Csasba always believed in recycling. 
That night, the class walked home in especially good
humor and Csasba didn't cry so much. 

Chapter VI 

The Trip 

That Friday, the lab was bustling with excitement. All
the students were buzzing as they discussed the trip
to Rogoslavia. The sights, the sounds, the internal
strife.  "One could cut the youthful joy with a
knife," one student noted. 
"Ahh, much like I cut out my father's tongue when he
denied my true god Sagat... haha, those were the
days." noted Csasba. 
"What was that?" asked the class in unison. 
"Oh.  I said... I said... oh look over there a car, it
is a Buick. You don't see those often anymore.  Isn't
that President'e MicPharson driving?"
The class turned away, distracted from the question
posed to Csasba who breathed a sigh of relief at
disaster averted. 
"Oh, it is now time to go children, to the truck." 
The class filed out of the room to a large armored
truck siting in the lot. The children walked like
sheep into the back of the truck, which mysteriously
had been rigged to lock from the outside. As Azzizzi
entered he noted that there were no windows nor any
obvious air-holes.  Csasba told him not to worry and
pushed the rest of the children in, and then locked
the doors. 
"It is for your own safety," Csasba said as he bolted
another of the many locks on the truck.  "You would
not want to fall out on the way and hurt your little
tootsies?" 
And thus the drive from E. Lansing to a small North
Carolina Atlantic port town began. After a day or so,
the children started to become nervous because they
never stopped and they were becoming very hungry. 
"Csasba is probably in a hurry, and we will eat and
drink well enough once we reach Rogoslavia" said
Googoogaga.  And with that calm returned to the truck.

Csasba was full of good spirits.  The odd combination
of drugs he took saw to that, with the pleasant side
effect that Csasba could survive without sleep for
over 6 months.  "Ahh, all is going well.  Sagat is
pleased for he has made the tree dance for me.  Oh
joy, oh joy." 
Upon arriving to the port, Csasba met up with an old
friend who owned a trans-atlantic raft service. 
"I will give you ten goats to take me to Rogoslavia,"
said Csasba (for goats are the nation's official
currency).
"No, I need more to pay the killer tax imposed by the
stinking, dirty, uneducated, Eastern European mob,"
said Csasba's friend. "It's keeelling me." 
After settling on a payment of 12 goats upon arrival
of Rogoslavia he loaded the truck on the raft and set
off.  During the ocean voyage (which lasted some 3
months) the rafter became curious as to the meaning of
the groans, and the seeming pain and distress coming
from the truck. 
"Oh, that.  That is just the motor of the truck, it is
in the back and sounds like children begging for food
and water.  That is all.  Oh, yes it bangs against the
doors sometimes, as if trying to escape sometimes. 
Think nothing of it." 
And so the issue was forgotten. 
Finally the raft reached the shores of Rogoslavia. 
Csasba opened up the back of the truck and the
children came out, all complaining. 
"Why didn't you feed us, or give us water!" asked
Azzizzi. 
Csasba quickly responded "Oh, I thought I had put
plenty in the back of the truck.  Did I forget? How
silly of me, I apologize." 
"Yes you did forget, how could you?!? couldn't you
hear us plea for freedom?!?."  Azzizzi just wouldn't
let the subject go.
"Ahh... I couldn't here you.. no not at all," argued
Csasba.
"Why didn't you let us out at least once?!?!" 
"Ahh, there were sharks. It was too dangerous." 
Johari butted in and said, "Oh, well. I guess he has a
point."  She didn't not like seeing internal strife in
the group.  She just knew that they could all get
along on this trip if they just kept their cool.
"But," Azzizzi continued, "I think Googoogaga is dead.
He hasn't breathed in a week!" 
"Hmmm.. is that so, let me see him" said Csasba 
So the children hauled out the already decomposing
corpse of their comrade. Csasba walked around it a
couple times, stared pensively at it.
While Csasba examined the body Johari turned to
Azzizzi and whispered, "Give it a rest Azzizzi. 
Csasba is just from a different culture and has
different customs that we don't understand."
"We all almost died," replied Azzizzi under his
breath.
"Just give him a chance.  I want this to be a positive
experience for everyone," and with that Johari gave
Azzizzi a sharp jab in his ribs with her elbow.
Just then Csasba finished his examination and
announced, "It seems he has a very bad cold.  I will
take him to that building and give him medicine.  You
children can eat while in town.  We can meet back
here." 
Satisfied with that, the children went to a local
diner as Csasba packed Googoogaga's lifeless corpse
into a large box labeled "fragile".  He then addressed
it to "Sagat at Hollywood, California" and smiled.  He
knew that Sagat would be pleased... so he pooped. 


Chapter VII 

The Dusk. 

Once in Rogoslavia, the group started walking through
the downtown market area. There they meet some
interesting people. One of the children, Shmoe, picked
up a prostitute, and also a bad case of genital
herpes.  But that is totally irrelevant to the story. 
All you need to know is that after all the drinking
and whoring, Csasba and the students make it to the
castel beside Lake Csasba.  All the children are
intact and Shmoe with only mild discomfort.  Oh yes,
and Bo-Bo was eaten by a wild alligator.  This would
have regularly up set Csasba, because it was not
Sagat's kill.  However, he could see the love and
forgiveness in the alligators eyes and knew that it
could only be his beautiful loving god of death Sagat
taking the form of an alligator.  This made him weep
with joy. The children mistook his tears as a sign of
grief.  So even after the 10 minute traditional
Rogoslavian funeral, all the kiddies were still fooled
by Csasba's wit, charm, and furry brow. Other than
this though, no other incidents occurred. 
After walking and carrying there luggage for thirty
days, Csasba stopped the kids in front of the huge
iron gates that lead into the great castle of Senor
Csasba's that rested beside the deep mercky Lake
Csasba. One of the kids, Bomoky-bazo-wan cried, "Are
we there yet?" 
This was a complaint that was heard often during the
thirty day trip. Most the times Csasba ignored it,
other times he cried, once he ate a squirrel
exclaiming, "To know physics you must know pain!  Know
me!" 
He opened the huge Iron squeaky gates. All the kids
covered their ears. 
"Deep inside lies our experiments for this lab!  Have
them done before sunrise, and you will not only get
full credit for Physics 192, but you will own..
LAKE... CSASBA!!!" 
"Yippe! Yeah! All right!" all the children exclaimed.
They ran towards the castle, except for Bowian. He
stayed behind and asked questions. 
"If I get full credit it, does that mean I'll get
infinitely many points," asked Bowian. 
This angered Csasba immensely.  His eyes screamed in
pain.  His head got dizzy.  He began to salivate out
of his nipples.  
"To hell with you little one!!!" Just then Csasba ate
Bowian.
Azzizzi saw this and thought to him self, "Man, what's
up Csasba's butt lately?" But he didn't have time to
ask him. He had to hurry up and get his lab done. Thus
he ran swiftly along side with the other children. 
After Csasba painfully swallowed the last few morrsels
of Bowian, for Bowian was a rather large child, he
quickly ran into the castle. Using the servants
entrance, he went to the kitchen and looked for a
large garbage bag. 
The children would pass by Csasba and ask if they were
doing their lab experiments right. Csasba would look
at them and say, "Ahhh... yes, yes, yes that's very
good. I don't want to give anything else away, so keep
working on it." 
Once Csasba made it to the kitchen, he opened up a
large garbage bag and threw up inside it. He sealed
the bag and made it readied to be mailed to Sagat. He
felt so dizzy that he began to hallucinate about the
way life was back when he was simple, and with out his
newly found stretch marks all over his body (for
Bowian was a rather large kid)..... 

*** 

Csasba saw himself in a field of Dandelions and
Milkweeds. The Rogoslavian air was filled with the
sent of Ragweed which made the eyes of his true love
water and her nose sniffle. She was a plump girl to
say the least, and he found that extremely attractive.

She curled up beside him saying, "Oh Csasba.  I love
your witty comments and your tender loving ways.  I
will never leave your side. I will always be here to
rub your furry brow." 
"Oh Mannasaba, you're just saying that," Csasba said
in his playful loving voice that he always used when
talking to her. 
"No, I mean it.  I will never cheat on you.  I will
always love you," she insisted. 
But Csasba knew better.  Uncle Herbie taught him that
no one will love him.  It was a lesson that was hard
to learn, and one he would never forget.  That's when
Csasba's dehydrated stress induced hallucination
turned ugly.  He remembered the time he walked in on
Mannasaba and Uncle Herbie making love on his
tapestries. 
"Ohhhhhh...  Why?"  asked Csasba.  All they could do
was laugh at Csasba.  They always laughed at Csasba...
 always.

*** 

"They will never love me," cried Csasba.  He began to
wander around the castle aimlessly while the kids
performed their experiments.  He was found by one of
his students at the top of one of the many towers in
Castle Csasba. 
"Csasba!" cried Bumesshe Ru-ru. "I don't understand
these experiments. One packet is just an envelope
saying, 'Describe every single particle used in this
paper. Give an accurate count of all particles. Break
all particles down to the smallest units possible.
Discover new particles if necessary.' Uh... I mean...
what does it mean by accurate?" 
Csasba stared his, I'm a sick sick man with little
regard for your life, stare at her. Bumesshe Ru-ru was
a sickly thin woman who thought she was fat. She was
so beautiful it made him cry, even though she thought
she was ugly. Csasba at that moment fell in love with
her and tossed her off the castle where she fell to
her death. 
Csasba laid his head down on the cold cold stone
floor. It was so soothing that he threw up and took a
small nap, despite all the drugs he took in the
previous chapter of this book. 

Chapter VIII 

The Truth 

As Csasba slept, the drugs began to paint fantastic
pictures in his head.  He saw the castle, but it
looked different.  It was dark and dreary (which
wasn't at all out of the ordinary) and there were
squirrels everywhere (not too unusual) and they were
alive (very strange indeed).  Furthermore they were
crawling, laughing and co-horting with an infant. 
Then Csasba was beside the infant. It was small,
bronze, with a mustache and a furry loving brow... it
was the young Csasba. 
"Oh, it is me... how sweet.  I am so playful.  What a
beautiful magic carpet ride I am experiencing, so very
odd seeing all my hallucinations end up being
unbelievably disturbing," said Csasba. 
Then he heard footsteps coming down the hall. He
recognized the gate, but could not place it. It filled
him with fear, and he wet himself. 
Just then the door swung open. A man entered, his face
somehow unclear, but his emotions showing. 
"CSASBA?!? What have you been doing? What have I told
you about playing with the squirrels that crawl upon
the ground?!?! Why can't you understand that?!?! What
should I expect from an infant.  It is time to learn
your lesson Csasba... time indeed," said the
mysterious man. 
"No," cried Csasba.  But he was whisked away, and a
new image formed.  Csasba was walking with the man,
they were wearing blackface outside of his old
girlfriends house. 
"Now go in there, and get yourself something to wear
young man, and get me some too young man as I have
soiled myself." 
"Yes sir," replied The now boyish Csasba. 
Now the real Csasba was in tears, weeping... weeping.
He ripped at his hair as the boy returned. 
"What?... no undies?...," said the man.  "How can I
wear women's clothing without undies, I will have to
teach you a lesson." 
Just then the man turned, revealing his face to
Csasba... it was Pico-Paco. "I am hungry," the beast
said.  "Very hungry!" 
Csasba nodded, and began eating the squirrels he saw
as his child-hood counterpart disappear. He cried,
ate, and then he thought of the children, and another
image began to form... 
It was the children, laughing, playing, dividing by
infinity.  Oh the dreaded infinity!  How they partook
of the sweet cup of joy that Csasba had known only
through Sagat. 
Then the clouds swirled behind them, and the face of
Sagat formed from the nebulous matter. It was angry. 
The children were dividing by infinity.  How could
they?!?  He had a squirrel hanging out of his mouth
and he began to reach for the children, to punish them
and feed off their blood.  Just as he did to the
squirrel and infants who mocked him by living in
trees... (Csasba had always assumed infants lived in
trees, a grievous misunderstanding of the current
theory of evolution).  But there was a problem...
Sagat had no arm, he reached and reached but to no
avail. 
Just then, Csasba felt himself lift off the ground,
floating towards his benevolent blood thirsty god. He
became Sagat's arm and together they smited the
children.  Csasba was so danged happy he wet himself. 
Then he heard laughter.  It was Pico-Paco.  Everyone
was happy. 
Csasba had a few more dreams about going to lab naked
and being in a cool rock band, but those don't apply
to the story.  It's really a wonder why I even bother
mentioning them. 
After a few hours, Csasba awoke... it was time to play
his part.  Time to do Sagat's will.  Time to change
his undies. 

Chapter IX 

The Reckoning 

After several hours of doing laundry, Csasba decided
to check his attendance list. 
"Ahhhh," said Csasba. "Yes... uh... Googoogaga,
absent. Bowian, absent. Bumesshe Ru-ru, absent.
Uhmmmm. So many kids. So much pain. The perfect... uh
.... environment for learning Physics." 
Csasba looked around the castle glancing at the kids. 
They tried so hard to find physics.  They looked and
looked.  They did not know their parents.  They did
not know what a home was.  They did not know their
names anymore.  Only Csasba knew their real names. 
There was The Don, jock and track star.  Then there
was Track and Tracey, they were twins. And Aguato Mon
Fu-fu, and son.  The Jakato sisters.  Oh yes... and
his favorite, Azzizzi. Where was that tricky lovable
tasty naughty rotten godson of his.  
"YES!" he thought to himself.  "I will make Azzizzi my
God son in typical Rogoslavian fashion!  They will all
be my God-son's."  
Csasba reflected on his God-father Uncle Herbie.  He
thought to himself the meaning of the families values
instilled in him as a young child.  It was a lesson
that Uncle Herbie had taught him well, and one he
would never forget.  He thought out loud once again. 
"I teach physics." 
"And now you teach them about truth!" said the evilish
bloody head of Pico-Paco from inside Csasba's
stomache. 
Together they laughed. "HA HA HA HA!!! Bwahh HA HA HA
HA!" 
Meanwhile back in the library Azzizzi and Fecilmyer
were performing there lab experiments. 
"How can we push objects into an alternate dimension
that we don't even know exists?" questioned Fecilmyer.

"Uh, I don't know," for Azzizzi was always an honest
chap.  "I'm not worried about that right now.  I'm
more concerned about the effects on our own space-time
if we did perform all these experiments.  Besides, we
know that the other dimensions exist, however only on
the quantum physics level.  Remember lab 4.5?" 
Azzizzi was on a ladder looking for books on the top
book shelf when he came across a dark and mysterious
manuscript.  It looked old and had ancient symbols on
it. 
"Hey check this out," said Azzizzi.  "I bet this thing
is from the eighties." 
The boys settled down and looked at there new
findings.  Azzizzi read aloud and quietly as they both
huddled around a candle that was lit in the center of
the room on a big table. 

"December 12th, 1982. 
Dear Diary, 

The blood of the Csasba's shall take the souls of the
men and women of the earth.  Sagat shall be pleased. 
None shall stop me.  Me being Csasba.  Yes, it is me
Csasba that is writing this down.  I will kill
everyone and no one will ever stop me because they
lack the necessary evidence.  Oh, I have all the world
fooled.  I, being Csasba, me. That's right, I am
Csasba and I am writting this down let there be no
mistake. 

On second thought, maybe I'll change my ways and
become a physics lab instructor, but I will not put up
with ignorance.  Nor would I tolerate anyone dividing
by infinity.  Well, I guess if that happens, then who
ever finds this, please put this book back and ignore
everything that you have just read. 

Oh yes.  Also my dear Diary, I ate a squirrel today. 
It was good.  Oh yes and I think that Mannasaba likes
me.  That is all." 

"Wow," said Fecilmyer.  "I never knew that Csasba was
so disturbed.   I wonder if we should put the book
back and ignore everything that we've just read?" 
"Like hell!" exclaimed Azzizzi.  "This Csasba guy is
one sick monkey!  You know, I bet he wasn't just
drinking the blood of Bowian when I saw him bite his
neck just after we arrived at the castle gates.  I bet
he was killing him, and all this time I thought he
just had an upset stomach.  Great, now I bet he's
going to kill all of us!" 
"No, he ... he can't," said Fecilmyer.  "Why would he
do such a thing?" 
Just then Azzizzi thought back to the last lab.  They
did divide by infinity.  It all hit him like a ton of
bricks.  You can't divide by infinity since infinity
isn't a real number.  You have to divide by a
variable, then take your results, whether it be an
equation or data or whatever, and observe them as your
variable approaches infinity. 
"That's why Csasba wants to kill us," thought Azzizzi.
 He went to tell Fecilmyer his realization, but once
he looked at those empty hollow eyes, he knew that his
mind had been scraped clean by years and years of high
school. If he explained it to Fecilmyer, his words
would only fall on deaf and dumb and stupid ears. 
"Quick, we must tell the others!" exclaimed Azzizzi,
and with that they ran off in search for the other
children. 

CHAPTER X 

The Fear 

Csasba walked into the lab room, which was in fact the
dungeon of Castle Csasba, but none of the children
noticed. He looked the students up and down.  He
laughed and began writing on the chalkboard.  The
writing was odd.  It was all crude profanities. 
Azzizzi sat in his chair, sweating.  It was obvious
what was going down tonight.  Azzizzi pulled out a
picture of Don Knotts, his wise and benevolent
God-father.  Good ol' Don was also Azzizzi's Kung-fu
instructor.
Azzizzi's life and up bringing was tame next to
Csasba's.  They only ate live baby goats, and rarely
ate living squirrels.  His god father would punish him
sometimes, but rarely.  Azzizzi was not a complete nut
case like Csasba.  I mean come on, he's the hero of
the story for Pete's sake.
Csasba then turned to his confused class.  He smiled. 
His eyes were bloodshot.  HIS BROW WAS FURRY, AND HE
WAS ONLY WEARING BLOODY lingerie.  All this the
students had just noticed. 
Csasba smiled, and then puffed out in his lovely
foreign accent,  "Time to die."  He then dove upon
Grornf and ripped off his head.  The students all
laughed at what they thought was a witty joke, but
Csasba did not.  He simply moved from desk to desk,
killing, and lapping up the blood.  "Tastes yummy," he
thought. 
In Csasba's mind the children were no longer children.
 No, they were squirrels and infants all doing the
bidding of their master, Jack Bauesie (a man Csasba
met once while visiting Detroit.  He was tall, which
in Rogoslavia was always associated with leading dark
legions).  With everyone he killed he felt cleaner. 
"I like killing children while wearing wet women's
underwear!" shouted Csasba as he continued.  All the
children laughed, it was so funny to them.  They had
never seen anything like it.
"I never knew college would be filled with so many new
experiences.  It's good that I get this all out of my
system before I grow up."  These were the dying words
of Roanane.
Finally Azzizzi stood up.  He knew no one would
listen.  He ran to save himself and to call his
godfather, Don Knotts.  Don would help.  
He heard the giggling of Csasba as he continued his
butcher.  As he ran, Azzizzi saw a squirrel, so he ate
it.  He rarely did this.
Csasba continued his slaughter for about an hour. 
Csasba thought afterwards, "I could have gotten a pair
of sexy specs while I did that."  Then he became
depressed.  He began the joyful task of packaging the
students for the pleasure of Sagat.  Oh how happy
Sagat would be.  The joy made Csasba wet himself.  
Then the castle cat came up and bathed him.  Csasba
finally felt clean.  
As he took roll he noticed something though. There was
one student absent, or should I say, still here.
"Where is Azzizzi?!  Why does he mock me so by not
dying?!" he shouted. He ran to his secret Sagat shrine
in the second tower, where he stripped naked, put on a
pair of diapers and started watching his collection of
America's Funniest Home Videos. 
Csasba watched his reflection on the screen while the
tapes played.  "I am not good enough for you," he
sobbed.  Then he began to weep while rocking back and
forth on the floor. 

CHAPTER XI

The Triumph

While Azzizzi ran down the dark hallways of Castle
Csasba he slipped and fell face first in a puddle of
blood.  He hydroplaned into a body slouched in the
corner.  It was his classmate Lodovico.
"Lodovico, Csasba has gone mad.  He's killing everyone
right now.  What happened to your arms?  They're
gone," whispered Azzizzi while his heart pounded into
his throat.
"Where is this rash and most unfortunate man?" asked
Lodovico.
"He's killing everyone.  He's a sick man.  My
goodness, he got to already, didn't he?  You're
dyeing," said Azzizzi.
"Wrench his sword from him," cried Lodovico.
"He's not using a sword," explained Azzizzi.  "He uses
his bare hands and teeth.  It's sick, he's like an
animal tearing at flesh and bone.  I am permanently
scared.  No matter how many years of therapy I have, I
will never be able to sleep at nights again."
"O thou Csasba," began Lodovico.  "That was once so
good, fall'n in the practice of a cursed slave.  What
shall be said to thee?"
"I have to get outta here.  I'm the only one left. 
It's up to me to get Csasba arrested and put away for
good."
"O bloody period!" cried Lodovico in pain.
Azzizzi ran.  He ran with all his might and all his
strength.  He ran out of the castle.  He thought of
his friends, but had no friends.  He thought of his
life, but hated his life.  Then he thought of his
movies, and he loved the movies.  He wanted to make
fun of Beaches one last time.  He wanted to watch the
witty Wayne's World before the end of his life.  He
knew he had to fight to live... but would that be
enough?
Csasba in all his darkness and all his power knew only
one thing at this point and time... pain.  It was his
pain that made him.  Not food, not his body, not the
people around him.  Only pain.  Not the items in his
wallet, and not his friends and family.  Only pain. 
And it is in this pain that he found physics.  His
eyes glowed with an eerie incandescent lighting only
found in three points of the universe, two of them
being Csasba's eyes.  He began to levitate in mid-air
and absorbed all immediate energy fields around him. 
He stood floating in the center of the room, and
raised his arms saying only a few words.
"I am Csasba.  I am pain.  I am a weapon of Physics."
Azzizzi ran out into the open field between the castle
and the lake.  He was half way there when Csasba
distorted space and time and appeared in front of
Azzizzi.  Azzizzi turned around only to find Csasba
again. 
Csasba was in all places at all times and Azzizzi was
surrounded by one continuous image of Csasba.  Csasba
took his soul out of Azzizzi's body and put the
lifeless corpse into a box to be mailed to Sagat. 
This made Csasba feel better and there was not so much
pain anymore.  He returned to his normal state of
existence and fainted.
In all of time, in all of humanity, never had anyone
accomplished such a strange and wondrous feat.  Never
would anyone be able to do so again, for in doing this
Csasba started a change of events that would ever 
change the fate of mankind and the history of planet
earth as we know it.  For now though... Csasba knew
Physics.

CHAPTER XII

The Fight

Mean while in an ethereal plane of existence, Azzizzi
was heading towards a bright light.  He felt a peace
and relaxation unlike any other.  He knew not what he
was leaving behind.  All he knew was an inner comfort
and that the everyday pain of life was gone.  He
looked ahead and saw an unmistakable image.  One that
only he could recognize with out actually seeing it. 
It was his grand mother.  He began to cry has she came
up to him and held his hand.
"My son, my child.  Oh little one whom I love
unconditionally.  Come into our families house.  We
shall live forever in the love of Christ."
Azzizzi began to weep tears of joy, "I love you so
much grandmother, but I'm Muslim."
Just then his grandmother turned around and walked
away.  He began to fall back to earth.  The light was
fading and the pain was slowly returning to him.  His
chance at eternal life passed him by.
Csasba woke up on the fields in front of his manor. 
He thought to himself, "If only those kids were as
quick and... uh... wily as I am.  Then they would have
owned Lake Csasba."
He gazed at the lake.
Then he gazed at the magnificent castle by the lake. 
Its stout strong base.  Its many intricate towers that
jetted into the air as if reaching out into the skies
of Rogoslavia crying out to the gods for freedom. 
Each stone precisely cut.  He could not find a single
flaw in the masonry from where he stood.  Even after
so many centuries of wear and tear it stood as a stone
reminder of what Csasba and his people were, and what
they must become.  
It was getting dark out.  The sun was setting and the
stars started to come out.  He did not move.  He
remained motion less for hours on end.  He saw the
stars dance for him.  He saw Orion's belt move and
dance for him in the brilliant autumn sky.
"That is where my people shall colonize,"  he
whispered.  "We shall move to the stars of Orion."  He
then began to weep.  "All this, and Lake Csasba."
He looked at the lake.
Then he looked back at the sky that danced its silly
dance of cosmic ecstasy.  The Castle's twelve towers
looked as if they where paint brushes set down just
after they were done creating the sky.
Csasba wept silently inside again.  This reminded
Csasba that it was time for his hormone therapy.  He
popped open a bottle of pills and took them all.  He
look at the label with much surprise.
"Oh silly me, I took the wrong bottle."
Then he searched through his pockets until he found
another bottle.  He opened that one up and took all
the pills inside it.  
"Ahh, got it that time."
Csasba was so fascinated and emotional about the world
around him, that he began to dance.
Azzizzi sat in total darkness.  He was trapped inside
some type of wood container.
"Man," said Azzizzi.  "How do I get outta here?"
He knew now what all had taken place.  He knew now
about all of Csasba's plans.  If only he could somehow
get out and warn the others.  The world wasn't safe
until Csasba was brought to justice.  This wasn't
going to be easy now that Csasba was all powerful...
or was he?  Azzizzi had a plan.  
"It's time to fight!"  exclaimed Azzizzi.

Chapter XIII

The Habit

Csasba walked through the library of his glorious
mansion. "Hmm, I think I will look at the self help
section of my glorious books," he said to himself as
he strolled about.  "I am after all one screwed up
fella."
Csasba thumbed through the little used section.
"Hmmm... Lose a Hundred Pounds and Become Flagrantly
Homosexual by Richard Simmons... hmm...  How to Pigeon
Hole Yourself and Ruin Your Career by Jeff
Foxworthy...  Very good book, Kick the Habit by Keith
Richards... yes... The Funny Man's Guide to Comedy
by..."
Csasba paused...  The name on the book spoke more to
him than any number of books could.  It was the all
knowing Sagat himself.  Csasba stripped naked and
began rolling about in reverence and then continued
thumbing through the section.
"Hmmm... How to Tell if You are a Man by Rosanne Barr.
 Oh what's this, Proper Child Rearing by Dr. Spock.  I
am certain I will learn only what Uncle Herbie taught
me from this book.  So much pain, I will read it and
dine upon some tasty kitten kabobs."
Csasba sat down after frying up the kittens, and
opened the book.  It was so foreign to him.  The book
in every way contradicted the way his uncle had raised
him.  Among other things it said that the cutting out
and eating of children's tongue's and the diet of
entirely squirrel and infants were wrong.  
"How could it be?" Csasba cried.  
The world seemed dark and lonely to him. Here was
someone who would disagree with him. Csasba needed
comfort and quickly.
Quick as an arrow, Csasba was thumbing through some of
his Uncle's collection in the library.  It was mainly
child and animal porn, but it seemed to placate the
worried Csasba. 
"Oh Uncle Herbie, you were so wise"
Then Csasba forgot about all that, as his short term
memory was fried, and shipped the young ones of to
Sagat.  Csasba smiled as he tipped the man who came to
pick up the packages, but then he ate him.
"Dang it," cried Csasba.  "Now I will have to call for
another delivery man and that will take another day at
least." The castle was already beginning to smell
funny, and it made Csasba awfully tempted to eat the
corpses. 
"The foul reek of death makes me so very hungry,"
thought Csasba.
Csasba decided that it would be best to call it a
night. so he made himself a bed of broken glass and
used a blanket made from the skin of the delivery man
(which he had choked up) and pulled out his favorite
Batman pillow.  He drifted off to sleep.
Csasba dreamt pleasant things, tomorrow he knew Sagat
would be pleased, but little did he know of the former
plight of Azzizzi and just what it meant for his own
plans.

Chapter XIV

The John.

Azzizzi was glad to be outta that box.  "Man, good
thing everything worked out the way it did."  
He worked hard in a room within the basement of Castle
Csasba, an eerie looking workshop that he had
discovered.  He sweated profusely because of the
constant fear of being discovered by Csasba.  His
protective eye wear was slipping off his face.  
He tried to remain as quietly as possible while
hunched over his project.  It sat on a wood table as
he gripped the sautering iron and random sparks flew
out from the master piece.  He suddenly stopped,
pulling off his eye glasses, and said, "Finished! 
Now, how will I get Csasba to digest this?"  
He held up a small wind up toy mouse.
Csasba sat naked in a large garden tub filled with
mineral spirits.  He smiled a large grin unlike any
Csasba had ever grinned before.  His eyes watered and
were blood shot.  Not a trace of white could be found
in his eyes.  His eyes a fire-y red, his face a
chaotic smile; in fact the only thing beautiful about
Csasba now was the fury uni-brow that caressed and
hugged his face just below his forehead.  
Csasba was a man of broken spirits, but who isn't? 
Haven't we all had pain and terror in our lives so
emense and so disturbing that only the blood of the
innocent will make it better?
Ironically, this is the exact same thought that ran
through Csasba's mind, and this is how he justified
every action he made.  
"Who hasn't done this before?  I bet even the George
Washington, founder of the great country USA, even
killed for his own personal fun and profit...  I guess
that doesn't make me very original."
Then Csasba felt sad again.  But the mineral spirits
made every thing better.  He began to splash and play
in the tub, and giggled like the little girls from his
Rogoslavian youth.
"Ahhh, much better.  What better way to solve broken
spirits, than with mineral spirit solvent?"
Csasba waited for an answer, but then realized it was
a rhetorical question.
Azzizzi looked every where for Csasba.  He searched
Castle Csasba from top to bottom.  He thought about
checking beside Lake Csasba, but saw no point in it. 
He wondered aimlessly look for any sign of life.  The
closest thing he saw was a cat that was hacking up
large hair balls, beside packages of his classmate's
dead bodies.
"Cats are gross, man."
He noticed that the bodies had been put in plastic
bags with an address on them to a one, Bob Sagat. 
"Something was definitely wrong with this Csasba guy,"
thought Azzizzi.  Azzizzi used past tense because he
wanted to give Csasba the benefit of the doubt that he
had changed his ways.
"But I don't have the time nor the want to find out
what's going on.  It's time to put an end to Csasba
and his rein of tierny.  He gripped the metallic mouse
with all his strength.
Csasba stood up and felt a bowel movement.  "Oops,
guess the delivery man was a vegetarian."  
He went to the toilet across the room.  He sat down
and made the sound of a watermelon being thrown off
the roof of a garage, and into a swimming pool.  
"Ahhhhh..."
Just then Azzizzi kicked open the door.
Csasba look at him, slightly embarrassed and said,
"Uh... do you mind?"
Azzizzi just looked him straight in the eye and said,
"Aight Csasba.  It's time for the final chapter in
your book... The Showdown."

Chapter XV

Not The Showdown.

Csasba stared at the impetuous youth for a second.  He
remembered a time in his youth when he had burst in on
his Uncle Herbie while he was in the bathroom.  Csasba
was so proud then, for he had just eaten his first
infant (a delicious one at that).  The only response
he had received from Uncle Herbie was a quick: "Close
that door, can't you see I'm scrubbing my ass?" 
This made Csasba squeal with pain.  The world seemed
to mock him.  Oh how he wanted the approval of his
Uncle Herbie, how he had tried, how he had failed. The
pain, the pain.  All the psychedelic drugs on earth
couldn't help Csasba now, but he didn't know that.  So
he ran to the medicine cabinet and began to furiously
pop the unlabeled pills therein. 
Azzizzi for his part was a bit confused.  Why was
Csasba reacting like this. He stared out the window,
wondering, remembering better days. The labs, the joy
Csasba had brought the children.  He remembered his
friends, but none of them really liked him.  He
remembered his family, but they outright despised him.
 He remembered women, but they just sucked. 
Azzizzi felt his stomach twinge, he saw an infant, but
he didn't eat, because Azzizzi didn't do that kind of
thing. As a matter of fact, the thought of eating it
never crossed his mind. 
He looked back at Csasba, who was now naked on the
floor, in a fit of convulsions. He was ripping at his
skin, chanting to himself about Saget, about his
uncle. "How very odd," Azzizzi thought. 
Csasba was trying to rock himself to sleep, for once
again, the world seemed to be nothing but pain for
him.  He pictured himself floating in a large pool,
with Sagat.  Yes, the afterlife.  He and Sagat sharing
many homo-erotic fantasies together.  Eternal bliss. 
Suddenly he saw his Uncle Herbie.  He was yelling, he
was angry. What could be wrong?  Csasba cried. 
Azzizzi decided to use the bathroom while Csasba was
indisposed, as he thought that the movement of the
bowels were hilarious.  
"Poop," he said, and then he giggled. 
He looked around, Csasba was still curled up in the
fetal position on the floor, with his thumb in his
mouth, crying, wailing about an Uncle of his.  Azzizzi
bent down to try to pick up exactly what was being
said, but he couldn't bend down, because he had a
large metal pole for a spine. 
Suddenly the infant crawled by Csasba's face. Quick as
an arrow, Csasba's tongue shot out, wrapped itself
around the child and retreated back into Csaba's
gaping mouth (his jaw was unhinged).  How horrible!!! 
Then Csasba belched, this made Azzizzi giggle again. 
Csasba was lost in a dream world.  Many fantastic
images were swirling about his head.  Why did he spell
"tyranny" as "tierny" earlier.
"So many questions, so little time," Csasba said to
the all-knowing Sagat in the sky. 
As Csasba nodded off to sleep, Azzizzi decided to do
the same.  This matter could be settled later he
figured.  So the two of them slept, on the cold
bathroom floor all that night. 

Chapter XVI 

The Truce

Upon awakening Azzizzi found him self cleaned and
groomed.  His hat, which he always wore, had been
washed dried and place correctly back on his head. 
The clothes he had on were not his own, but they
looked pretty cool.  His clothes sat neatly pressed
and cleaned on the table in front of him.  He sat in a
large dinning area inside the castle.  
"This must be the dinning room," thought Azzizzi.  
He smelled food, but he didn't know where it was
coming from.  His eyes gazed at the beautiful oak
finish around the room.  Someone put a lot of time and
love into this place.  But who?  Just then Azzizzi
remembered that his class mates had been murdered.  He
began to panic.  
At that moment Csasba came into the dinning room
wearing a chef's hat and an apron.  He had cleaned him
self up too.  
"This is the dinning room!" said Csasba.  
He set out an un-godly large cooked turkey in front of
Azzizzi.  Azzizzi looked at him as if to say, "You are
a murderer and I will track you down to the ends of
the earth."  But Csasba looked back as if to say,
"Blodo dee do bleeder housin, you will never get my
lucky charms." 
Azzizzi, look at Csasba a bit longer but the smell of
the hot turkey got the better of him and he began to
eat.   However not without giving one last glare at
Csasba as if to say, "You've won this round, but good
will always triumph over evil."  
After a long dinner and a quick nap (cause turkey
makes you tired), Azzizzi at Csasba sat in the living
room each smoking a tobacco pipe.  Azzizzi, questioned
Csasba, "So... what do we do now?"  
Csasba replied, "I don't know."
Thus began a beautiful 2 year friendship.  They
laughed together they ate together they indeed lived
together.  Azzizzi read Csasba's book, and Csasba
watched him shower.  Azzizzi wore Csasba's clothes,
and Csasba watched him shower.  The peace and harmony
between them was magical.  They had not a care in the
world for they were in the closest thing to a healthy
and perfect relationship.  The most perfect
relationship being a homosexual relationship, but that
was out of the question since Azzizzi was a straight
male and Csasba was... different.  
They laughed and played in the court yard of Castle
Csasba.  They smelled Dandelions, and made Daisy
chains, and laughed...  They had to keep the looniers
on the grass.  For me to even think about it brings a
tear to my eye.  They had love in a cruel and dark and
hateful world. 
Why God oh why did the world hate?  I do not know and
I can't answer you that question anymore than I can
explain what happened next.
One day they were out watching the sun rise, and then
Csasba and Azzizzi stared into each others eyes.  It
lasted for hours.  Then Csasba latched onto Azzizzi's
jugular vein and sucked him dry of blood in less then
a second.  Azzizzi didn't even have time to react. 
His body, a dried shriveled up husk, still had the
smile of love and joy on it.  
"Csasba not know why Csasba does things.  Csasba only
want Pico-Paco back from the grave," said Csasba.  
His stomach grumbled, "..And so you shall."  Csasba
smiled.
Azzizzi died for real this time and drifted into the
after life.  He was met with open arms by a group of
lovable Hindu's, who upon hearing that he was a
Muslim, immediately rejected him.

Chapter XVII 

The Naughty

"Oh joy," said Csasba as he smelled the deliciously
ammonia like odor of cat littler and intestine stew
that he had made for Sagat. "But I mustn't taste any. 
Oh no, that would be naughty of me." 
Csasba called the delivery service. "Ahhh, I have some
decaying corpses here for you to deliver, they were
supposed to be picked up yesterday but I ate and made
clothing out of your last delivery man. Can you send
another, I'll try not to kill him." 
"Ok," answered the voice on the other line. She seemed
cheerful enough to Csasba but she was in fact to call
The local uneducated dirty eastern European mob
immediately after this conversation. You see, this
company had dealt with the Csasbas before, so they
knew how to react. 
Csasba walked up to his bed of nails to relax. He
laughed as the now rusty nails penetrated his
leather-like skin. How it tickled him. 
"Oh, Pico-Paco, how we tricked the children.  Oh Sagat
will be so pleased. It reminds me of the story of my
dear Uncle Herby, only at the end of his life a
stinking, dirty uneducated Eastern European mob got a
hold of him." 
Csasba saw Pico-Paco in humanoid form standing next to
him, drinking a martini. How much he looked like
Stewart Little.  He was wearing a button up sweater
and a pair of Levi's... wait, what's this?  A wet spot
forming in the crotch. 
Csasba laughed a hearty laugh, and Pico-Paco laughed
along, until finally Csasba wet himself from the joy. 
Pico-Paco started chanting, "Paco Pico Paco Pico!"
The Csasba looked at him and said, "Aco Rico Aco
Rico!"
The laughter of course increased ten fold, and
continued until Csasba noticed angry shouts outside
his window. He looked outside from the windows, which
I forgot to mention was in a tower and like 100 feet
or so off the ground, and saw a jostling field of
flames, jostling and moving like the ocean. 
"Oh-oh, down I go," said Csasba.  He through some
magic dust in the air and lightly floated to the
bottom of the castle.  
The mob had arrived.  They carried pitch forks,
knifes, guns, badminton rackets, torches, crossbows,
rocket launchers.... anything they could find laying
around the house.  They were ruthless and vicious. 
They wanted the blood of the Csasba that lay before
them.  The one who calls him self and is known only as
Csasba.  The Csasbas must be stopped, and it started
and ended with this Csasba.  And with all that on
there minds, they chanted.

Never a Csasba wonder the street.  
Never the Csasbas our children to eat.
Never a Csasba will pierce in my soul,
Or come in my house to use my toilet hole.

They marched up to the gate and began to shake it
violently.  Eventually ripping it off the hinges. 
They took the armored vehicle parked in the front yard
and tipped it over, setting it on fire.  One man hung
from a tree like a monkey with a bottle of Jim Bean
snug in his back pocket.  Every time this young man
would shake the tree branch he was on (trying to break
it down of course) a little bit of alcohol would spill
out of his bottle. The mob did several hundreds of
dollars worth of damage to Castle Csasaba.  Csasba
weeped inside because he dared not show his emotions
to a crowd such as this.  
Csasba stood at the main doorway to Castle Csasba,
high mighty and proud in all his glory and in all his
power.  The mob began to draw closer and closer and
closer.  The burning bright torches made Csasbas face
look more evil that usual.  Closer the mob drew. 
Closer and closer, until finally Csasba shouted,
"STOP!"  
The crowd stopped dead in there tracks.
"Who goes there?!" exclaimed Csasba.
The crowd remained stunned while Csasba continued
after a short pause.
"I say, you tell me who goes or the wrath of the
Csasba's and the burning plight of a thousand mice be
on your heads and feet while you sleep tonight
sohelpmeandsosay eth themightyonewhomisknownas
SAGAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  And with that word a loud
burst of thunder clapped and deafened the ears of the
mob of stinking, dirty uneducated Eastern Europeans. 
A flash of light and smoke surrounded Csasba and his
eyes became that eerie  color that they were in
chapter XI.
After a longer pause a member of the crowd shouted,
"He's just one Csasba.  Lets get him!!!!"  This shout
was followed by various chants of, "Yeah!" "Let's do
it!" "Kill him!" "Eat my caca!", and one "I want my
mother!"
"Wait!!!!!" shouted Csasba.  "Don't you want to learn
Physics?"
A long pause.  Then one man shouted, "To hell with
Physics!"
This was followed by several chants of, "Csasba stew
tonight!" "East Lansing here we come!" and one "My
nipples are on fire for your love."
The crowd surrounded Csasba, and tied him up and
severely beat him.  Csasba would have tried to stop
them, but he so thoroughly enjoyed it.  After the
sever beatings they rowed out into the middle of Lake
Csasba and through him in with chains and heavy
weights tied to him.  
"Tonight I must be sleeping with the fishes," thought
Csasba.  And with that he sank to the bottom of the
lake.  Again, he would have stopped them if he didn't
so thoroughly enjoy it when his lungs began to burn
with the water he was inhaling.
After the mob destroyed Castle Csasba, which was a 32
day ordeal, they decided to look for the body of
Csasba.  They scraped and searched and scoured the
lake floor, but found no trace of Csasba.  However,
there is no way that Csasba could have escaped death. 
With this thought in their mind they convinced
themselves that Csasba was dead and this was the end
of Csasba... or was it?


El Fin!


















Comment Board:

Harold Ballz writes;
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Was that a good story or what?  I mean the fucking irony of it all.  First the kids have to escape 
Lake Csasba, and they never escape.  They all fuckin' die.  Then Csasba gets thrown into the Lake 
itself, and it turns out Csasba has to escape from Lake Csasba, when he was the one who killed all 
those fucks.  That's fucking genius.  That's like irony on top of irony.  That's fucking brilliant. 
Whoever wrote this shit should get a fuckin pulitzer or some shit.