Title: Distractions Author: Amy aka Lady Julieanne Disclaimer: CBS and thier affiliates own the characters and the show. I wish I did, but that does not change anything. Rating: PG-13 to NC-17, if you can't handle it, don't read it. Pairing: C/S Archiving/Distribuition: Ask and ye shall receive. Summary: This is Sara's POV during Bad Thoughts. It will help if you read that story. (Shameless plug) Feedback: Required. mail to js1n2001@ yahoo.com if you don't want to post it here. ********************************************************************** "What do you tell Sara about what" I ask as I head over to where Catherine has sat down next to her sister. She is embarrassed and her face is red. Really red. This can't be good. But she is so cute sitting there like that. All embarrassed. I can't resist a small kiss, and am then surprised at my own actions. I have never before shown affection like this to my lover in front of their family. A day of new beginnings I guess. Holy mother of god. She was here the whole time we were upstairs. I know why Catherine was so embarrassed. I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and am now sure that my face is bright red. Suddenly I decide that Catherine's floor is incredibly interesting. I can't bring myself to look at Catherine or Nancy. In all my previous relationships, in all my previous chats with family, nothing like this has ever happened. I continue to stare at the floor, effectively ignoring both Catherine and Nancy until I hear my name repeated again and again. Nancy wants to know if I'm dating her sister. Of course I am. Oh wait. I don't know what Catherine wants. I decide that now is the time to lay it all out on the table. Despite my embarrassment and the fact that Nancy is still here, when normally I would wait until Catherine and I were alone, I decide that I will expose myself to this hurt right now. No sense in waiting. If I'm not what she wants, it's better to know now than later. My courage is rewarded. She loves me! One minute I'm completely embarrassed, the next utterly ecstatic. With these words she has changed my life. I believe that Nancy must be a lot like Catherine. She has threatened my life if hurt either Catherine or Lindsey. I try to explain that I love the both of them and never plan to hurt either. I'm not sure I can find words to express the depth of my emotions, because I'm not sure that I understand them myself. Nancy seems to see my struggle and acknowledges my love for her family. The conversation lightens and I feel much better about revealing myself to these women. I can sense a deep bond between the two of them and it reminds me of everything I missed out on when my family gave up on me. I was too different for them. I see so many similarities in Catherine and Nancy. Soon, it is time for Nancy to leave and not long after I realize that I too must go. I realize that now that I have a relationship with Catherine, she may end up at my place sometime, and I don't want her to see the way it looks now. It's not that it's dirty really, just kind of neglected. The cabinets are bare, there are forensic magazines everywhere, and I really need to do some laundry. Catherine, however, has different ideas. I can tell by the way she pulls me into her arms as kisses me. She's definitely not thinking I should go. We get slightly carried away, before I remember that another one of the things I need to do is sleep. I know she does too. After more kisses, I finally get a chance to go. I know that if I stay here, I will not be sleeping. There really isn't much work to be done at my apartment, but I know that there is laundry and grocery shopping to be done. My place has a pretty open floor plan with the living area, dining area and kitchen all open. Only the bedroom and bathroom are separate. I have one of the few apartments in town with its own hook-ups for laundry. And thank god for that. The last thing I want to do is spend time at a laundromat. I quickly pick up the living room and start my laundry. My bedroom and bathroom really don't need any cleaning so I head out to the grocery store to pick up some necessities. I don't need Catherine to think I'm incapable of taking care of myself. Plus I was out of Ben & Jerry's anyway. Back at home, I find sleep to be evasive. I keep thinking about how different today turned out. I finally stop thinking about Catherine all the time, only to end up kissing her. And then there was the fantastic sex. I try to sleep, but my mind is too busy analyzing everything that has happened between us. When I finally do drift off, it feels like only minutes before my alarm screams that it's time to get up. It's a good thing I don't normally sleep much anyway. So now comes another test for me. I drive over to Catherine's place and worry about Lindsey. She seemed pretty cool with everything this morning, but what about now that she's spent the whole day at school? I want her to know that I love her too, but how do I explain that to her? I've never been good with children. My maternal instincts went on hiatus and never bothered coming back. Truth be told, children scare me a little. So innocent and fragile. And they look to us to set them examples. My life has not been anything I would want for a child, so I'm never sure how to act around them. I'm hoping that Lindsey can help me out here. If she's at all like Catherine, and I know she is, then she already has my love. But does she want it? And how am I going to explain my presence in her life. I know that she knows everyone Catherine works with, but I'm going to be spending a considerable amount of time with Catherine. Much more so than the rest of the guys from work. She's only nine, I can't expect her to understand. Catherine answered the door before I even had a chance to knock. She pulls me into a hug and I tell her I missed her. More accurately, I missed the feel of her in my arms. She missed me to. As payback for her incredibly good kiss before I left earlier, I lean in and kiss her slowly. Once I know that she is desperate for more, I pull my lips away from her. She mopes about the position I have left her in. She is so cute I almost give in. But Lindsey is waiting and we promised. Across from Lindsey's school is a park with a small swing set. Catherine and I get the same idea and we both head for the sings and relive this small part of childhood. Soon Lindsey is running up to us and Catherine picks her up and swings her around in her arms. These little moments that I see between Catherine and Lindsey reaffirm my thoughts that I want to be a part of this family. Lindsey brightens up Catherine's day, and I think it's about the sweetest thing I've ever seen. The drive to the ice cream parlor is filled with talk of Lindsey's day and school and typical girl gossip. Catherine leaves Lindsey and I alone in a booth as she goes off to order our ice cream. Lindsey leaves me speechless. She is nine years old and asking me if I'm her mother's new girlfriend. Dear lord. When I was nine I never could have been this blunt. Or this observant, either. Catherine returns and notices my shock. She explains everything to Lindsey and they share giggles at my expense. Lindsey is far more knowledgeable than I was at her age. She understands her mother's life way more than I would be able to. She knows that mom fights the bad guys, and sometimes mom gets hurt, like she is today. She even understands the complicated things in life like love. And it doesn't seem to bother her that mom is in love with a woman. Every minute I spend with Lindsey, the more she amazes me. We finish our ice cream and head to Catherine's for dinner. This is the same way I usually eat, dessert first, then dinner. I help Lindsey with her homework even though she doesn't need it. Remembering that Catherine told me Lindsey constantly watches the Cartoon Network, I turn on the TV when we're finished and I head into the kitchen to steal some smoochies. I never thought anyone could make me feel so domesticated. In one day I have become a part of Catherine's family. Her sister and her daughter both accept me, which is way more than I ever got from my family. And now I'm doing things like helping Lindsey with her homework. I can be happy for the rest of my life doing little things just like this. Lindsey walks in on us making out in the kitchen. Busted. I begin to wonder how any times in one day I can be embarrassed. Looking at Lindsey across the table all through dinner, I am still embarrassed. Catherine clears the table and I use this as a chance to chat with Lindsey. She really is an amazing child. I think she gets it from Catherine. She is not at all embarrassed or irritated to have found her mom and I locking lips in the kitchen. I have got to admit, Lindsey is a lot cooler than I was as a kid. I would have freaked. But all she wants to do is finish watching her movie. Soon after the movie is over Nancy arrives to pick up Lindsey. Everyone agrees that it would probably best if there were no side trips back home in the morning, and I see Catherine double check everything Lindsey takes with her just to be sure. Once they are gone Catherine returns to the living room and lays her head in my lap. I know the look in her eyes and can tell from our heated kisses earlier what it is Catherine is thinking. I need something else from her though. I'm not sure if she'll understand, but I want to sleep with her in my arms and wake up knowing she is still there. That somehow what's happened hasn't been a dream. Catherine pouts a little but she agrees, and I see in her eyes that she does understand my fears. I am so lucky to have this woman in my life. At some point we fall asleep and when I wake up, she is still there in my arms. Reality hits like a two ton truck, and I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. Here in this place there is nothing but safety and peace. There is no hatred, no fear, no prejudices. Just me and Catherine. And I love it. I couldn't resist one last lingering kiss before we parted for work. It was probably a mistake, actually it was a mistake, because it got my quiet hormones raging once again. With one kiss my legs are jelly and my entire body burns with desire. She has an effect on me like no one else. I drive to work quietly contemplating our kiss and exactly how it is that I'm going to work all night without so much as touching her. I head straight for the coffee. Greg says he doesn't want us to drink his coffee, but I started slipping him twenties to shut up and let us drink. It's just too good to pass up. I think he caved mostly because of his crush on me. Nick is in the break room reading the sports pages. I know he's waiting for an assignment so I test a theory of mine on him. I think the son killed his mother because she revealed the family's dirty laundry to him. Nick provides me with an objective male point of view. For the next couple of hours I am running between lab rooms and interview rooms. Examine the evidence and collect a little too. The missing girlfriend, shares plenty of family information with us. I can't believe how screwed up these people really are. Mom and dad in a loveless marriage, both dating other people. Mom and Dad both in the closet about their own sexualities. Plus, Dad becomes abusive when Mom leaves. Jonathan picks up the habit and beats on his girlfriend, and he's only nineteen and fast on his way to being an alcoholic. I bet these people are real fun at Christmas. I speak with Catherine and our main suspect for a few minutes. These few minutes with her have re-ignited my fire. Before I leave the room I whisper in her ear where I am next headed. I can see that our suspect is intently staring at the table and I know that my next move won't be noticed. My tongue flicks out of my mouth and runs along the edge of her ear. She is irresistible and I am powerless. ********************************************************************** The end is near.....