Title: Distractions
Author: Amy aka Lady Julieanne
Disclaimer: CBS and thier affiliates own the characters and the show. 
I wish I did, but that does not change anything.
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17, if you can't handle it, don't read it.
Pairing: C/S
Archiving/Distribuition: Ask and ye shall receive.
Summary: This is Sara's POV during Bad Thoughts. It will help if you 
read that story. (Shameless plug)

A/N: A few readers have asked for Sara's POV and here it is. For 
those of you who are sick of this story, don't worry, another is 
brewing. But I do ever so much like to please my readers, and they 
asked.

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It all started out when I came to Vegas. Grissom asked me to look 
into an employee of his. He wanted an impartial investigator to work 
the case, and he didn't want Internal Affairs involved. And this was 
a pretty close group. They had a great camaraderie going. They were 
all highly intelligent and they worked great together. I was the 
untrustworthy outsider that was trying to break up the gang.

This is so not what I wanted. I could investigate and be impartial, 
but I did not like being on the receiving end of everyone's anger 
simply because I was there. I was simply here to find out why Warrick 
Brown left Holly Gribbs alone at a scene. Simple enough. At least 
that's what I thought.

And, you know, the question was pretty simple to answer. But when I 
came to Vegas my life got a lot more complicated. I will admit that 
it was honestly a welcome complication, but complicated nonetheless. 

Ever since I had known Grissom, I had been crushing on him. And now I 
worked for him. He has no interest in me, other than one science nerd 
befriending another, so that was easy to deal with. Sure I still 
pined for him to someday notice me, but I was honest with myself in 
realizing that it wouldn't happen. So I dated other people. Not many 
other people, but life in Vegas is not like life in San Francisco.

In San Francisco I knew people. I had friends there. Despite what my 
coworkers here may think they know about me, I'm actually pretty 
social. It just has to be the right scene. Working the night shift in 
Vegas left me little time to get to know anyone. Let's face it even 
in a city that doesn't sleep, you don't always meet the best kinds of 
people when you hit the bars at 9:00 a.m. It's also hard to do 
regular date-type things. Like catch a movie, or go out to dinner.

The dates I have had have been slightly awkward. Some have thought my 
job was `neat' and others couldn't figure out why I want to do what I 
do. And then when I think they have it all figured out, they always 
wonder why I don't just work `normal' hours. I know that my night 
shift leaves me little time to be social with people who 
work `normal' hours. But really, who wants to work normal hours on a 
job like mine anyway. I love my job and I know that it's actually 
more fun to work the night shift.

And the people have grown on me too. Warrick is still a little cold 
with me, but I can tell he at least respects me as person and a 
coworker. I can't expect him to try to be my friend after my report 
got him fired. Just because he was only fired for like two minutes, 
doesn't mean that my report didn't recommend it. Nick has warmed up 
as well. But he's the all-American nice guy. Texas born and bred with 
a slight accent and all the good manners to make mom proud. 

I know that Greg has a crush on me. By now he knows I won't go out 
with him, so it has instead turned into an easy friendship with lots 
of flirting. Just because I won't date him doesn't mean I have to 
stop flirting with him. Besides its fun. Catherine was the last hold 
out. I wanted her to like me. She's the only other woman on the night 
shift and I want her respect. She's knows that I am a good CSI, but 
she took a long time to come around.

I knew she didn't like me right from the start when I asked her where 
I could find Catherine Willows and she told me that she was out in 
the field. She knew I knew who she was. She just didn't want anything 
to do with me. I didn't want her case, I was just there to 
investigate Warrick. But she didn't like that about me either. So we 
definitely got off on the wrong foot.

I tried for so long to get her to warm up to me. Part of me just 
wanted to be her friend, someone she could talk to. Or, at the very 
least someone she would talk to without dripping venom from her 
voice. The other part of me just plain wanted her. I worked hard at 
not letting that part of me show. The last thing I needed was for her 
to freak out because I liked girls. And not only that, but that I was 
attracted to her.

She's hard not to like though. She's beautiful, graceful intelligent, 
quick-witted and all the other things I love in another person. She's 
also straight. And she has a child. Two things I never try to get 
involved with. But she is something that I wanted more than anything 
else. I couldn't figure it out. I thought I just wanted to be with 
her. But it turned out to be love. I never would have thought I'd 
fall in love with her.

But gradually I began to realize that is what it was. Love. I have 
never felt anything like it before. I looked to her for approval and 
assurance that I was doing the right thing. I had always been a 
solitary kind of person and never wanted any of these things from 
others. Not even Grissom. I wanted her acceptance. These were things 
I could never have. Not in the way I really wanted them anyway. So I 
settled for longing glances and her friendship, which came at long 
last.

I thought she'd never speak to me again when I failed to find her 
ex's killer. I have never in my life wanted to solve a case more than 
I wanted to solve that one. I failed her and I failed Lindsey. I was 
miserable for weeks. I knew that I could not bring closure to that 
part of her life, and it pained me.

I chose distractions. I dated more. I even started dating someone 
that the other CSI's knew. Hank. Yet another monumental mistake in my 
life. To be honest, I figured if I dated someone they knew that maybe 
they'd get off my case to get a life. I have one, I just don't share 
it with them, that's all.

So Hank turns out to be a cheating asshole. Not a big surprise in the 
grand scheme of things, but I certainly did not expect to find out it 
about while working a case. I guess I'm not all that surprised. I 
mean, I was kind of using him in the first place. So his using me 
isn't that big of a shock. But he probably never guessed why I was 
using him.

I needed him to take my thoughts off of Catherine. She had become a 
fixture in my brain. She was always there. Awake or asleep. At work 
or at home. Thoughts of her dominated my days and nights. And the 
dreams. My god, the things we've done in my dreams. I needed the 
distraction. I used Hank. I'm pretty sure he didn't mind though. That 
is if he knew.

But once I find out he's cheating on me, I can't just let it slide.  
We are done. I know immediately that I will need a new distraction of 
some kind. Something to keep my mind off of her. Work only does that 
part of the time. And even then, it's hard because I work with her.

She knew he cheated on me. She probably figured it out right away. I 
probably could have too, if I really cared that much. But seeing his 
picture at her place sealed it. No turning back now. Hank and I have 
a little chat and I walked out the door.

To my surprise Catherine was standing right there. She looked right 
at me and asked me if wanted to grab a drink. Now this was definitely 
not part of the plan. Work with her okay. Spend a little time with 
her after hours, okay. But at no time did I ever think I'd end up 
drinking with her. I know that I will definitely have to watch myself 
very closely if I'm to get drunk with her. I can't have her finding 
out. But I desperately want to spend this time with her, so I agree.

I know that being drunk has quite the effect on my libido. Hell, 
that's why I spent so much time in bars in San Francisco. Always out 
on the prowl I guess. Not only does it increase my libido, but I've 
got to admit, I gives me quite the self-esteem boost as well. Now 
I've had plenty of people tell me I'm pretty and beautiful and all 
those other things, but I never believed them. Until you hear it from 
the right person, it always just sounds like yet another line.  

Here I am at some anonymous bar with Catherine. There's a band 
playing in the back and plenty of people around. I wonder how I never 
found this bar before? When I first got to Vegas, I looked for a 
place just like and never found it. A person who works third sift and 
wants to get wasted after work, which is usually around 8 or 9:00 
a.m., doesn't have many choices. Not that many bars have a jumping 
place at this hour. I will definitely have to remember to ask 
Catherine where exactly it is that we are. I wasn't entirely paying 
attention on the drive over.

Even now, as I get up to retrieve our third or fourth pitcher and it 
stretches towards 10:00 a.m., the place is packed. After I order my 
pitcher, a young, and I'll admit, incredibly sexy red head is 
suddenly whispering naught things in my ear. Oh, that sounds like 
fun. I laugh at what she's suggesting and point in Catherine's 
direction to let her know that I have a date for the night. Or I 
guess morning. Whatever.

All right, so Catherine's not really my date, but hey, this girl 
doesn't know that. And much as I'd like to try out a few of the 
things she suggested, I'd rather be with Catherine today. She has 
listened to my drunken ramblings and it seems to me that she might 
actually care.  As I head back to our booth, I notice that Catherine 
had apparently been watching the exchange. I am drunk by now, but 
nonetheless I swear I saw her grin as I returned to the table and as 
I looked into her eyes I'm pretty sure I saw desire.

Being drunk as I was, I couldn't muster the courage to make my move. 
First time for everything, I guess. Usually in this situation the 
alcohol makes me bolder, more confident. But with her everything is 
different. I really want to kiss her, but my fears of her rejection 
hold me back. The night, or rather morning, winds down and we return 
to soberness. As we part ways, I can't help but wonder if I really 
should have made my move. At least if it was rejected, I could have 
blamed it on the alcohol.


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