(and tawdry, seedy massage parlor. But for discreet billing, it comes from the upscale Spa..)

Looking for the best spa in Silver Seaport, to indulge in full-body seaweed wraps, sand/herbal facials, beauty care and other pampering? Or are you looking to treat a special individual in your life to some TLC? Then please consider a gift certificate to Crystal Spas.

(More on the Massage Parlor in a minute.)

A day of Beauty at Crystal Spas begins with the client entering the Spa, disrobing and being placed in a tub of waters from a natural hot spring, these waters brought in buckets by our Ogres on Staff. There, the impurities begin to loosen from your pores and relaxation begins.

Once the skin flushes to a healthy, tender pink, it is exfoliated by a sand/herbal rub, from nose to toes. The skin glows at this point.

Seaweed is then applied mummy-style, for three hours. Once the soothing emollients have saturated the pores, you are unwrapped and fed a lunch of raw oysters and steamed lobster, washed down with the finest Merlot.

The day is not over. Once you've digested your food, your nails are tended to, filed on buffers of driftwood, and painted with a clearcoat of sealing aloe, which makes your cuticles supple. Then (if desired) a bodywax of coconut and banana oils, beeswax, and our secret pain-relieving herbs is applied and the hair is RIPPED from the unwanted areas.

You are then rubbed down with lotion by a professional ogrelette who proceeds to give you the full body massage of your life. Dinner will be served, cracked crab and filet mignon, with a bottle of champagne to celebrate your day of indulgence and self-care.

~If you are sending someone you despise a gift certificate, be sure to request the "Salt Water Enema" to be part of the gift~

(Now onto the seedy, tawdry, backroom hijinks of the Massage Parlor. Here is the place where one does things one doesn't confess. Gorgeous nymphs and island natives clad only in the skimpiest of loincloths work on your muscles. What you contract for is between you both, and cannot be sent via scroll. (*GM Note: This is where imagination comes in :P ) You *can* request a clandestine massage but kindly be warned that the Seaport Guard raids us on a frequent basis, as do irate spouses. (So for sordid and seedy acts, you might wish to try your hand with an escort...or just....try your hand!)

Prices are as follows:

Send Orders to Crystal Spas

Created for Crystal Shores RPG and posted 21 April 2001. File opened 14 July 2001 to add site banner. No text has been changed.