/burgomeister/ |
8.30.02 - 3:47 PM
Music: Vanished - Meshuggah is playing in my head.... Props to the madman John Fetner; spoken like a true genius. Also: Fetner: arent you in baltimore? Brilliant, John. Motherfucking brilliant. My classes seem pretty easy (knock on wood), and they've given me the sheets for the entire course work for the semester, so maybe I'll try to jump ahead a bit. My roommate went out of town this weekend, so I'll probably be playing bass a lot and just generally hanging out. I should probably go to downtown Baltimore and see if anything is going on, but as for now I'm going to head out. Be seeing you. 8.28.02 - 6:34 PM
Music: Sublevels - Meshuggah is playing my head... Well, finally a post, eh? I'm too lazy (and paranoid updating in the library) to make a full account of everything, but I'm here and it's been pretty boring until today. I finally got a schedule together and my classes are as follows: English 104, French 130F, Philosophy & Religion Questions, Russian Literature, and Cultural Anthropology. My English teacher seems like she could be, you know, an anal retentive slut (figuratively speaking, of course), but I really enjoy my Russian Literature class. Philosophy & Religion seems a bit elementary (pardon me for saying so, but yes I've already established the fact that reality and morality are subjective. What a concept!). This girl next to me has to actually write down that the media was NOT AN OBJECTIVE SOURCE. What an f-rag! Oh well. The teacher seems smart enough, so I suppose I'll stick it out and see how things go. Apparently French 130F (that I'm about to transfer into) is a special highest Freshman level French course, which includes a three week excursion to Avignon in January. How I possibly placed into that course, is completely beyond me, so I better start reading/writing/speaking en francais to the max. Cultural Anthropology I will find out about tomorrow. In the meantime, I better get back to my dorm and try to get in some death metal before my roommate returns. E-mail me, you mother fuckers (it's at the bottom of my personal page, if you are still that daft. 8.24.02 - 1:24 AM
Music: (.) - Tribes of Neurot Let me start off the day. Arthur and Micah came over, went to Savage with John and them and also Jason, and Lydia showed up with Chris. Why? How? I do not know. I bought Tribes Of Neurot "Rebegin" and it is a masterpiece. I enjoy it very much. I hung out with Micah and Jason until Micah left, and I departed around 5:20. I showered and stopped by Maria's, who gave me her address, by the Plaza to pick up some money owed to me and say bye to Emily, then had dinner with Rebecca. We also went to the observatory and viewed random star patterns, clusters, etc. Ran by Jason's and listened to music with Micah and Nathan briefly. That about sums it up. Well, here I am. I should probably finish packing. It still really hasn't hit me that I'm leaving in 9 hours. People keep inquiring if I'm excited or nervous. I don't much really care, is the deal here. I plan on going up there to accomplish some things for myself and to evolve into something not so.... fragile. My ideas have been brooding far too long and need to develop into reality. I find it odd, that I have said my several goodbyes to my friends. I don't even know why it matters. I am glad to say goodbye, but no real goodbye is good enough, and not ever on such short notice. I find it funny, though, that to the friends I hang out with the most didn't even utter a word about it. They didn't need to say anything about it. A final 'see ya' was all there was. No real inclination to my departure at all. Whatever. It will be interesting to brood and live in a new environment. New experiences and culture that I can immerse myself in; the whole base reality. I will be off my normal cycle for a while, but feel free to drop me a line; I'll answer emails every day or two, surely. As the curtain falls, we bid you all goodnight... 8.23.02 - 10:55 PM
Music: The Executive Furies Of The Robot Lord Of Death - Fredrik Thordendal's Special Defects is playing in my head.... I have to depart, check back later this evenig for my FINAL ATLANTA POST. P.S. I won't have a computer for a while most likely so be sure to send me emails. Until then... 8.22.02 - 10:43 PM
Music: Advent - Opeth Well, my final time is ticking down. Today was my last day of work, and it was fine. I went to my friend Andrew's for dinner and to hang out, because he leaves for Brevard tomorrow. I am also about to be treated to a late night dinner with mes amies Emily and Rebecca. Tomorrow, I'm having lunch at 1:15 with my friend John, again his treat, and I am going to the observatory with Rebecca tomorrow evening. I think I'm also gonna visit Maria tomorrow afternoon, and try to hang with Arthur, Micah, and Jason as well. Well, it's almost time for late dinner. I'll update later. See ya! 8.21.02 - 2:09 PM
Music: Your Mind Dies - Commit Suicide I've been pondering lately, concerning myself with certain trivial and not so trite matters as what I might refer as to those characteristics which make me myself. They're pretty hard to pinpoint, and I'd usually simply negate the fact that they exist at all, and in lieu of that fact, merely say that I am a tangled cornucopia of emotions and ideas. I suppose it's hard to really state that I am my own individual, with self-created ideas (perhaps I'm falling into that behaviorist ideal that one's environment controls one's life), but I'd like to not think that, because I've had my own thoughts before; I've just been subject to massive amounts of confusion. I'm starting to develop something, slowly, and my creations always seem to be very odd, but if I hold on I think I can manifest some thing that is to my liking. I've been working a decent amount, and I didn't think many people were really going to say goodbye to me, but I've been contacted by a few such people that declare that themselves and myself must renedezvous before our departures. It will be good to see them before I go. I'm gonna go... 8.19.02 - 1:28 PM
Music: Crutch - Pinback Well, nearing my departure, I'm becoming slightly disillusioned with myself, my friends, my morals, my decisions, etc. etc. and what not. I'm going to ignore these feelings as best I can and merely wait until I leave, when perhaps I won't be so neurotic. It's time to dig a grave for anxiety and throw its convulsing, pleading body into it. You know that makes sense, right? I took 90 mg adderall Thursday, which is why I stayed up from Thursday until Saturday morning at 6 AM, when I finally convinced myself sleep MIGHT be a viable option. I had barely eaten and then I had coffee with my friend Rebecca and my high school french teacher Ms. Simmons. We had a nice little chat, and when I returned home my hands were shaking uncontrollably (moreso than normal), I suppose you can figure out why. The summer is closing, people are leaving. I wonder if I'm being blank for not saying goodbye, or just trying to keep my head on straight. That's what's currently been on my mind. We'll see how things go. Is a part of my soul asleep today? 8.16.02 - 1:18 PM
Music: Penelope - Pinback Well, let me think if I can even REMEMBER what I've really been occupying my time with. Hmm, I worked all day Wednesday and have been randomly hanging with a few of my friends. My band show Tuesday night got crunk, even though we were all by ourselves....with people outside....and it was at Ryan's house. Nevertheless! We kicked some shit, so it was cool. I'll probably have some pics of it soon. I finally got that last tire on my car fixed for $285!!!! I have negative money to the max now. I've also been up since Thursday noon. Watch me heil all the way til 3 am tonight. 8.12.02 - 12:55 PM
Music: Existence - Aghora is playing in my head.... 8.11.02 - 8:25 PM
Music: Immortal Bliss - Aghora Well, I returned from my North Carolina excursion a few hours ago, but the story behind that starts Thursday. So, in order to take my ramblin' machine (car) on such a trek, it was necessary to acquire a tune-up, an oil change, and two new ties (as the tread has been worn through on the old ones). Well, by the time I finally was able to manifest the money owed to me, it was Thursday. I set out to get the tires changed at a place 30 minutes away. When I finally got there, I was told the lugnuts on my tires were too stripped to be removed. I was referred to a muffler shop about a mile down the road, in hopes they could burn the lugnuts out. When I got there, the mechanic said the job was doable, but would take some time. I was referred to a barbecue joint just next door and after partaking in a hamburger (which made me feel sick) and a little bit of reading, I returned to find out that one of those silly lugnuts was being quite the bitch, and in its spot remained only a hunk of molten metal. It was past 2 o clock by this time, and I had to be at work at 3:30. So I paid the guy, who suggested I return on Monday when he had more time, and got one of my tires changed. I just barely made it back on the gas that I had, and 15 minutes late for work. The following day I had my car taken in for a tune up and oil change at 9 AM in hopes it would be ready for my planned departure at 1 PM. At about 1, my father calls to find out about my car and the mechanic notes that I need a new tire, and that the old one could explode at any time. I become increasingly hostile at this point, blaming my father for these last minute hang-ups, and refusing to give up on my venture. He checks to see if anything can be done, but the hunk of melted steel proves to be quite the feat and any action against its current existence proved futile. As a man of my word, I decline once again to reschedule my trip and head out late, but undeterred. I put my trust in the fact that as long as I didn't hit any debris, my tire would hold up its end of the bargain and not explode and send me careening into anything. I traveled over 500 miles on this old beat up tire with the metal screening wearing through without a blowout. I was very glad about that. Hanging with Carly was interesting. We watched Donnie Darko and traversed a bit around Asheville, but most of our time was spent in utter silence as she is practicing to be a monk. She has been training her mind and body to be able to transcend time and space. It's quite the feat, I must say. I also came home to find new linens all over the floor of my room. It seems that now that I am leaving, I suddenly need stuff for college. Hey, I'm not arguing. In the midst of such things, though, I will now be departing. Bon soir, ma foi. 8.5.02 - 11:58 PM
Music: Song For Kelly Huckaby - Death Cab For Cutie I got off work early tonight. 10:45 instead of midnight, so I'm not complaining. Tomorrow I'm buying the new Meshuggah album and I'm going to get maximum crunk. I went to my friend Emily's party on Friday; I had already indulged in c-hit at about 5:00 AM that morning and by 10:30 that evening I was still within its grips. I drank and had some decent conversations with some new & interesting people, and for some reason 8 cop cars found it necessary to stop right beside the house. Not for the party, but for some car that they apprehended. In the end, they merely annoyed us with their 7 different speeds and variations of flashing lights, and let the person go. Boy, cops really don't have anything better to do. I've been working as you know in order to create some sort of monetary sum with which I can attend to certain matters which have presented themselves. I learned today (finally) that I have financial aid for college, and my dad must only pay 6,000 or so annually for my matriculating there. I am very glad to have that burden removed, and now I simply need to state and affirm the classes in which i want to participate. I am just about 600 pages through The Brothers Karamazov. I love Dostoevsky's works. Perhaps I will purchase and read The Idiot soon. Now I am off. 8.2.02 - 1:57 AM
Music: Haloed - Front Line Assembly
Rob: love does reciprocate love 8.1.02 - 7:49 PM
Music: Photobooth - Death Cab For Cutie So, in my absurd levels of boredom, I figured it was best to convey my latest excursions here. I've been playing a lot of bass, and I'm halfway through The Brothers Karamazov. I'm supposed to be visiting Carly sometime soon...next week, I believe. I'm hoping that this will go through as planned, because I still need to get my car 2 new tires, a tune up, an oil change, AND buy a computer (all on a minimum wage job, eh!?). So, yeah, I get to be occupied all the way up to college. I need to pay closer attention to what I NEED to do, and stop procrastinating. It will be my downfall at college if I do not stop. I saw Meshuggah on Sunday at Ozzfest. I paid 50 bucks (or so) for a ticket, and watched Meshuggah's 25 minute set. AN expensive price, I tell you, but more than worth it. They are a great band. I also dropped acid and didn't eat for multiple days, but who really wants to hear about that? My roommate at college is from France. It advised me that I should contact him ASAP in order to discuss what we will each bring, but it didn't even have a telephone number on it, and I am too lazy to mail a letter to France. If he's so in need of a mini-fridge, he can go buy one. I don't share anyway. That reminds me, I still need to register for classes (yes, I am a pathetic scoundrel). I better get on that before I wind up at college with no classes. We'll see what happens... 7.30.02 - 7:49 PM
Music: How Is Your Life Today? - Porcupine Tree I was having a pretty bad evening last night; I went so far as to visit my friend in Dahlonega (an hour & a half drive away). I stayed up 'til 6 am downloading strange music by Commit Suicide, Infidel?/Castro!, and Memoirs Of A Trilobite. Very interesting what's out there. I enjoyed it very much. I woke up finally around 2:30, and left around 3 (needing to be at work at 3:30) but no one minded me being late. I'm feeling a lot better now, simply trusting that things will work out for the best, and they're starting to so I'm glad. I'm off to play bass. 7.29.02 - 10:30 PM
Music: Hatesong - Porcupine Tree I would like to sing triumphs and praises, but I yet again seem to find myself in some miserable hole of existence. I don't even want to write right now. "Hope that everything will be alright..." 7.28.02 - 2:52 PM
Music: Under The Surface - Neurosis Yet again I find myself struggling through my menial life. These trivialities are wearing on my spirit, and I wonder if I can keep myself focused.... Look at what a ignorant fool I've become; I can't distinguish dark from light. I would like to slap myself in the face to wake up from this descent into madness, but it's a hard thing to do. Perhaps I shall part with myself in hopes to retain the mission I feel it necessary for me to complete. I can't believe I've been so stupid as to lose my way already. I am truly a fickle character; despondent and devoid. I can only hope to keep my path aligned long enough to realize the truth. I must keep reminding myself of this... 7.26.02 - 5:57 PM
Music: Away - Neurosis I've been running errands all day: getting my car smog checked, buying concert tickets & CDs, heron, work. It's been busy. I've been practicing bass again, working up my blisters and creating some new ideas. I'm hoping to be able to transfer these ideas into some recorded substance within the next few weeks (near the start of college). I've been swept up with this need to accomplish, and I figure it is about time for me to follow. I will be obtaining money soon, and I am still saving for my computer. I am also trying to travel to Baltimore prematurely to view the spectacle that is Tool & Tomahawk. I am set on this, and such will manifest itself for me in a desirable manner. Keeping the faith... 7.25.02 - 4:23 PM
Music: Photobooth - Death Cab For Cutie Since my return from Canada, things have not been the same (and I'm not simply speaking of the fact that I now say 'eh' all the time). I was struck with some chord; some sort of happiness that I obtained has now left me. My loathing for Atlanta has been increased, and I can barely even stand things I used to thought I'd enjoy. It's scaring me, really. I'm even more distressed about life than before. I'm worried that I might not ever realize my potential, or end up blank. I don't want that to happen. "Just restart, hope that everything will be alright..." I kind of feel like I want to fall off the world right now. Something's not right with me here. I can sense it inside of me... 7.15.02 - 2:59 PM
Music: Styrofoam Plates - Death Cab For Cutie
The movie was layed out in an interesting manner, but all too recognizable to my person. Not only reminiscent of some personal experiences (perhaps they were my own delusions?), but of several things I had thought about not too long before seeing the movie. Anyone who had seen Waking Life would agree with me that there was a common similar theme. But as I woke from this dream within a dream, there were several moments of clarity, minus the vivid hallucinations to which Donnie Darko succumbed. I understood these feelings all too well. The loss of future and past, the infinite loop that things would run themselves through. I could see all this, and I wondered. What does this mean to me? Nothing. The future is all too dark... 7.14.02 - 12:48 AM
Music: Untitled - I Artichoke You
Oh well. I've been slowly removing the paint from my pencils as I tap them all over the place. I would estimate this Death Cab For Cutie song that I have been practicing at about..... 85% learned. I am now craving a set of ROLAND V-drums, and I don't know what to do. 1200 dollars is a long way off. I better buy some more pencils in the meantime to quell my addiction. In a related story, I hate your family. Other than such, I've been working and am scheduled to leave town to visit Canada this Wednesday. I have indulged myself with overdoses of c-hit, something I have not done in quite a while, and now I'm sitting around contemplating. I received two comments today about the book I'm reading, The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky at work. It's a good book. I need to finish it though. I'm rambling so goodbye. 7.9.02 - 4:19 PM
Music: We Laugh Indoors - Death Cab For Cutie is playing in my head...
I've also been trying the poor man's way of practicing drums: tapping my foot against the wall, tapping on my desk, cd cases, and old Newcastle bottles for a make shift drum kit. I'm slowly teaching myself to use my feet properly. I've been practicing some death cab for cutie songs, and I can already feel the muscles tightening in my right calf. In addition, I'm slowly counting the days to my trip to Canada, and counting my money to see what I can buy before I head off to that educational thing or whatever the hell it's called. Jusque-l�. 7.7.02 - 8:30 PM
Music: Hurley - Pinback is playing in my head...
Tomorrow is my mom's birthday, and I have yet to get her anything. It's okay though, since I don't have to work tomorrow and I won't see her until Wednesday. You know, I'm visiting my friend Sarah in less than 2 weeks, and I have yet to learn what she looks like. I wonder, how will I find her in the airport? Finally, I'm off to see a movie. How ironic. The smell of popcorn is starting to give me headaches. No fucking joke. 7.6.02 - 6:46 PM
Music: Rousseau - Pinback is playing in my head...
I'm going to visit my friend Sarah soon, who lives in Ontario. I am hoping that such a journey will be worth my while, as my previous voyage to California was for the most part, horribly uneventful. Mary has declined a visit because she is Mary and is scared that some fuck rags in real life know about her site. Why one who acts like she doesn't give a damn about anything would give a fuck about some people she barely even knows is beyond me. Oh wait, it's called being insecure and it's pointless. In a related story, I told her she was a fool. Maybe I'll see her at the airport. Maybe not. I've been working a lot recently in attempts to purchase a computer so I can write/compose/play games yet again and waste horrid amounts of my life. I also purchased a large bass amp to practice. Such a thing is hard to do, as I've played the bass for years now, yet have never actually LEARNED the notes, scales, styles, etc. Yes, I'm a dumbass. I hate myself. Such drug related things recently with me have included opium and psilocybin mushrooms, and were very good. Hallucinating is an interesting thing. My babbling is incessant and infrequent. How utterly stupid and pointless of me to do this. |
