/burgomeister/ |
6.27.02 - 10:40 PM
Music: Random Final Fantasy Tactics game music playing off in the distance...
Someone get me some heroin, quick! 6.26.02 - 4:02 PM
Music: Channeling Elements - Candiria is playing in my head...
This day is proving itself to be worthless, as is my body, the worthless piece of junk. Physical limitations are a joke, and therefore I ignore them. If my body is too stupid to realize it is a figment of my imagination, I will punch it repeatedly until it gets it right. Someone wake me up, please, because I'm starting to hate you all. 6.25.02 - 1:16 AM
Music: Qualms Of Reality - Meshuggah is playing in my head...
But, let me tell you this! On the flight back I sat next to an underground boxer. He told me all about it, and it was very interesting. I was surprised to know that that stuff still goes on. It was cool though, and the guy was very nice. He had a 17 year old daughter and a 20 year old son. Also, when my plane layed over in St. Louis, I visited Mary! It was great. I mean, who else would engineer a sign for me that misspelled my name AND enemaface and THEN give me bounce dryer sheets? The answer is no one. Thus, I have to visit her again this summer, and I will. So yeah, I also took 12 dramamine the other day. This is not advised. Not for my health, but for yours. My tolerance is much higher than yours. Let me tell you though, that was an interesting experience. I'm doing construction work today/this morning, so I have to depart. Am I back? 5.30.02 - 1:19 AM
Music: -none-
let's make all my days this fun, mmkay? 5.14.02 - 12:17 AM
Music: X.I.Y. - Pinback
I appreciate your understanding. As for those others, "you are the enemy..." 5.9.02 - 6:53 PM
Music: Pure Narcotic - Porcupine Tree
"I'm sorry that I'm not like you..." 5.7.02 - 5:50 PM
Music: Why You'd Want To Live Here - Death Cab For Cutie
I sat through your service and kept my calm, an odd serenity was held over me as I watch others break down and it reminded me why I get this sickening feeling in my stomach every time. I wanted to grasp the arm of each one of your family members, and stare into their eyes, tell them that things were alright. The preacher talked about Jesus and Catholicism, but I knew that wasn't your life. Your life was the Radiohead on the speakers... the friends from the theaters... the peace that you gave me. And as I spoke with your mom, I could see her in you, and I could her you in her voice as she recalled you in her memories, smiling and being wonderful just like you. And I was able to keep myself straight the whole time. As I was returning home, though. It hit me again hard. I squirmed in the car with that sinking feeling in my stomach, trying to hold it in. You had left me, it seemed, because I wasn't calm any longer. I was again struck by that perilous fear that something was imminently wrong to my senses. I realized how self-assured you were. That even in your short time here you touched so many people and lived life so fully and my heart raced about how horrible I feel all the time. That my life has been so bad and I always feel like I'm wasting my time. It's hard to quell those emotions sometimes, but I realized that I can't go on like this anymore. Your death came at a very strange time in my life, and I hope that I'm able to move on and quit worrying so god damn much and live my life. My heart goes out infinite times to your loved ones, and I thank you so much. 5.6.02 - 11:39 PM
Music: Line Of Best Fit - Death Cab For Cutie
page one I have my AP French test on Wednesday, and Roz's funeral is tomorrow. I'm leaving a little before noon to attend. "these things take my time and energy..." Sometimes I want to keep you all safe... 5.4.02 - 6:00 PM
Music: Your Bruise - Death Cab For Cutie
My friend Roz died today from a brain aneurysm. Earlier my friend Emily contacted me and told me that she had an aneurysm and was in the hospital.
I called work and they told me the number and hospital location. I was wrestling with the idea of going over there, because I'm not very outgoing and felt like I might be out of place amongst family and who not. I decided I needed to go though because Roz was a friend of mine and I thought it's the least I could do. Parking was 10 dollars due to the hospital being close to some music festival going on this weekend. I got in there and when I finally found the right corridor to go down, they had said she had passed away earlier that morning. No one was around anymore. The beds were made, cleaned, and sterile. No trace left... I drove to work and sat around for the shows to get in and told my friend Patrick and he told my friends Clay and Maria. I knew Roz from my work. Rosalind Trahan. She was French Cajun, and was very nice. She had large, sort of mystifying eyes and I enjoyed her company. Smart, wacky, strong. She was beautiful, too. She left my theater to work at our other one because she and our managaer did not get along. Every once in a while I'd see her around at the theater or walking along. We'd send each other emails every so often, and I had hoped we'd hang out sometime. I don't really feel regretful, so I don't know why I feel sad about this. My left hand is shaking uncontrollably and I don't know why this is bothering me. I can't explain it to myself, as usual. I'm sitting here wondering if anyone else understands stuff like this; if anyone can hear my thoughts right now. I suppose what I feel can be summed up in Donne's poem best: "Any man's death diminishes me, Rest in peace. Some people we wish didn't have to go... 5.3.02 - 10:24 PM
Music: We'll Never See The Day - Meshuggah
If you don't know, I think I'm going to Goucher College in Baltimore next year. Maybe it'll be good for me to get out of here. There's always something you have to leave behind though.... Yeah, well. I'm out. |
