2. What should I consider before coming out?
Here are some tips that may help:
o Get a sense of how the person you wish to come out to might react beforehand. For example, you might watch a TV show or movie that has gay characters and then discuss it.
o Be aware of what is going on in the life of the person you wish to tell and try to pick a time when he or she can be most supportive.
o Be prepared for a wide range of reactions. Your confidant may be shocked, angry or not surprised at all. He or she might even come out to you!
o Remember how long it has taken you to come to terms with your sexual orientation or gender identity and give the person you are telling the same kind of time to adjust.
o If you are still in school and want to confide in a teacher or counselor, first learn the school�s confidentiality policy. Faculty or staff may be required to tell someone else. (You should be able to request a copy of the policy from the main school office.)
o Just as you may have needed information and support in coming out, know that the person you tell may need more information and support. Suggest that he or she contact the Human Rights Campaign�s FamilyNet project and Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays.
3. What if people claim that I�m "flaunting" my sexual orientation?
GLBT people are often accused of flaunting their sexuality when they come out, are publicly affectionate with a same-sex partner, wear gay symbols or participate in pride parades. But in a world that still assumes that all people are heterosexual and experience fixed and rigid gender identities, coming out is the only way GLBT people can make their sexual orientations and/or gender identities known. Stressing one's sexuality or gender identity also can be an important act of self-affirmation.
Yet there is a difference between being forthright and flaunting. Most GLBT people are not out to make a statement. They simply want to be able to incorporate the many aspects of their lives the way heterosexuals do � by talking about their partners, wearing a commitment ring or putting a photo of a life partner in the office.
4. What if my family wants me to seek counseling?
First understand their motivation: Do they want you to feel more comfortable with your sexual orientation or gender identity, or do they hope you can be "cured?" If your family�s desire for you to have counseling stems from their misperceptions about what it means to be GLBT and a mistaken belief that you can and should change, assure them that you are healthy and happy and that being who you are is normal and natural for you. If they continue to encourage counseling, suggest that they attend with you. They may need as much assistance dealing with your coming out as you do.
But don�t immediately discount their suggestion. It is not unusual for GLBT people to seek counseling. Many find it a useful opportunity to explore their inner identity or cope with rejection from others. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement, "Homosexuality and Adolescence," which appeared in the October 1993 issue of Pediatrics:
"Counseling may be helpful for young people who are uncertain about their sexual orientation or for those who are uncertain about how to express their sexuality and might profit from an attempt at clarification through a counseling or psychotherapeutic initiative."
If you do decide to seek counseling, it is a good idea to find a GLBT-friendly one. Visit the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists (www.aglp.org) or the Wildflower Resource Network, both of which offer referrals to GLBT-friendly mental health professionals.
5. Can therapy change a person�s sexual orientation or gender identity?
No. During the past decade, the so-called "ex-gay" movement has spread misinformation about changing sexual orientation through therapy. Their main message is that being gay, lesbian or bisexual is an illness that can be cured by attending an ex-gay ministry and engaging in prayer and counseling � or sometimes, taking drugs or undergoing shock therapy. It is vital to note, however, that these methods are roundly rejected by most psychological, medical and psychiatric organizations, including the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association.
6. Do family and friends of GLBT people also come out?
Yes. Family and friends come out as they acknowledge that they know and love a GLBT person and then take the next step by coming out to others about their GLBT family members. For some, this happens when they attend their first Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) (www.pflag.org) meeting or pride celebration. Or parents may decide to come out when someone asks them when their son is "finally going to get married" or by responding to an anti-gay joke at the family reunion. If you are the parent of a GLBT child, you can find helpful advice on HRC familynet.