National Cry for
Children Rally 1999
On November 7, 1999, several thousand at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC heard the truth of divorce and divorce litigation tactics from 16 experts coming from all across America.
This was perhaps the first event of its kind. This was the beginning of the National Cry for Children. Our hope is that years from now we will all look back on this date as the beginning of another great American Revolution-- a revolution to save our children.
Anyone who has lived through the nightmare of divorce can attest to the fact that the courts do not fulfil their duty. Divorce courts of today care little for the truth and less for justice. It is a 258 billion-dollar a year industry, and thrives on destroying children and families. Many Americans stood together to say, "NO MORE!" on November 7.
This was first in a series of national rallies and regional seminars. As this site is more fully developed, you will find more details on upcoming events.
A two tape video series of this rally is available. Email us for info at [email protected]
Here are some excerpts of a few of the speeches given in November at the National Cry for Children Rally.
Dean Tong speaks at the NATIONAL CRY FOR THE CHILDREN:
Everyone here acknowledges that child abuse, child neglect, and domestic violence are real and ongoing problems facing our country. But, it does NOT take a parens patriae, in loco parentis, *VILLAGE* mindset to protect our most vulnerable! It REQUIRES responsible parents, an educated and trained child protection system, and balanced legislation. We must stop disseminating myths. We must resolve, as we move into the new millennium, to erase the perception that more children are abused than are not so. I'm here today to tell you about a side of this issue that we have turned the other cheek to. And, that side is unfounded and false accusations of child abuse and domestic violence and how this side affects our children. Dr. Warren Farrell said it best: "We've gone from fathers know best, to fathers molest!"
There is a growing body of evidence that the number of reports of child abuse, child neglect and domestic violence are increasing. Correspondingly, there is an increasing number of unfounded and false reports t emergency hotline numbers, and police departments, causing gvernment officials, who are charged by our legislature to protect children-at-risk, to respond based on uncorroborated hearsay, and sometimes who are led onto witch hunts.
This year alone, there will be 3.5 million reports of alleged child abuse and neglect in America, of which 2/3 will be unfounded, without foundation. Approximately, 10% of all abuse/neglect reports made this year will not only be false, but made in bad faith. The other 55-60% of unfounded reports will be made by deluded accusers, those who actually believe the abuse really happened, and then shop for *experts* to corroborate their wish fulfillment. The point is, false abuse accusations are actual forms of parent alienation. And, when children are instilled the "reality" via a parent with BPD or OCD, or an unscrupulous, biased system, that daddy DID touch you in bad places, the same can and will turn against the accused parent. These children, because father has been issued a no-contact court order, can and will eventually ask father "why did you die, daddy"? Children enmeshed in accuser-system reinforced PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) can develop such DSM-IV diagnoses as RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). The same non-abused kids treated as abuse victims can and will be scarred for life, emotionally and psychologically, as noted in the Hickman & Reynolds abstract...The Effects of False Allegations of Sexual Abuse on Children and Families.
We have seen over the past 20 odd years children administered unnecessary gynecological exams. We have seen over the past 20 odd years children induced via anatomically exaggerated dolls, puppets, drawings, cake, candy and ice-cream, to disclose abuse at all costs. We have seen over the past 20 odd years children ripped from loving families based on little or no evidence and with no due process for parents or children. But, we know now that if children can talk about the tooth fairy or Santa Claus, they can talk about how daddy touched me in bad places. Read Dr. Cecis book Jeopardy in the Courtroom. I ask you where is the due process for the children. Is it in the person of a GAL? I think not, since GAL's don't appear until the case goes to
court. By the time a GAL is court appointed the child has been conditioned, interrogated, cajoled, brainwashed, poisoned, and compelled to THINK HARD about his or her 'abusive experience.' Tell me what I want to hear and I'll let you go home, child. How many charlatan-type cases must we create until we meet our statistical quota? How many child victims or mountains must we build from ghost-like molehills? It seems that we must create cases where none
exist to meet the financial end means of child *protective* services and our *legal* system. In my opinion, that is RICO. In my opinion, that is no better than the Mafia and Mr. Gotti. In my opinion, that is making a statement that our children are nothing more than chattel.
Justice delayed is justice denied, for the children! And, we, as child protection investigators, as police officers, as prosecutors, as psychologists, and as judges, must seek right, wrong, truth, and JUSTICE! We can no longer err on the side of caution, on the side of children, in abuse cases, because we're naive, or ignorant. We must find the truth in these cases. We must find reality in these cases. It is not safe to order children into therapy if we're not sure they've been exploited. It is not safe to allow the MONDALE ACT to remain status quo without accountability safeguards (CPS' 11th amendment immunity must be repealed), without checks and balances in place to punish false accusers on a pervasive basis, nationally. Anonymous caller hotlines should be abolished in favor of confidential hotlines. PAS is a form of child abuse. When psychologically reported in a court of law, severe cases of PAS should promulgate judges to reverse custody orders. And, the party found to be committing Parental Alienation of the children should be court ordered to pay for their PTSD therapies. The American Psychological and Psychiatric Associations must welcome PAS into the DSM-V. As federal laws such as the MONDALE ACT and VAWA continue to protect children and women at-risk of abuse, the same will be wielded as weapons. As the No-Fault Divorce rate rises these same well-meaning, well-intentioned, but misguided pieces of legislation, can and will incite spurious and malevolant allegations against innocent accuseds. The pawns, the tools in the heat of battle, the children, are the ultimate losers to the ultimate weapon, the SAID accusation.
We as a nation must rise up to the scores of scientific studies conducted on children's suggestibilities over the past 15 years by Ceci, Bruck, Clarke-Stewart, McBrien & Dagenbach, Hickman & Reynolds, etc, and let that be our wake up call. When we awake in the next 7 weeks and realize we're living in the year 2000, our mindset in child protection must not be shaped by emotions, dollar signs, politics, the American Way, and hysteria. It must be shaped by hard evidence, hard data and science. For if we are to win the real war against child abuse we must win the battle against false accusations, first!
Thank you!
Dean Tong, is the author of ASHES to ASHES...Families to Dust and Don't Blame ME, Daddy. A forensic consultant nationally on abuse and custody cases, Tong has appeared on more than 1,000 talk shows this decade. He serves as an Advisory Board Member to the American Coalition for Fathers and Children.
And, he welcomes correspondance via his website, http://www.abuse-excuse.com.
NATIONAL CRY FOR CHILDREN / Murray Steinberg
Lincoln Memorial
November 7, 1999
AS A BOY GROWING UP IN TUSKEGEE, ALABAMA, I
would get chill bumps when I sang the Star Spangled Banner or
when I said the Pledge of Allegiance.
Well, I HAVE NOT YET GIVEN UP ON THIS COUNTRY, though many times when I have left the court house I have asked myself...
WHAT COUNTRY CAN I MOVE TO?
NOW LET ME PAINT THIS PICTURE:
You are a good law abiding citizen, pay all your bills on time, belong to a church or synagogue, been happily married for four years and have 2.5 children.
WHAT COUNTRY WOULD YOU BE LIVING IN
AND WHAT YEAR WOULD IT BE IF:...
You were served a restraining order baring you from going in your own house or having any contact with your spouse and children. Where a court can terminate your fundamental rights or liberty interest to raise your children, without first showing a compelling state interest. Where children may be taken from parents by the SS, (Social Services) simply on the basis of an anonymous phone call, alleging abuse or neglect. Where you may only see your children four days a month and then only under limited conditions or supervised by someone approved by the state.
Where there is no requirement for "notice", no "right to a trial by jury", no "due process or equal protection of law." Where your bank account may be taken, your property ceased, your wages attached without your knowledge.
WHAT COUNTRY WOULD YOU BE IN IF:
There is no "speedy trial" and it may take up to six months to get a court date. All private citizens are searched as they enter the court house. You are considered guilty until proven innocent. Where perjury is condoned. A court may order you to pay money you don't have, for something you did not need or request. And the court may order you to pay an "officer of the court" (attorney) for services you did not ask for or receive.
You may be forced to work, sometimes more than one job, to pay an arbitrary amount the court determines. And if you don't pay what the Court orders, You may go to "debtor's prison".
WHAT COUNTRY ARE WE IN WHEN...
There is no public input into the selection of judges. No recording devices or cameras are permitted in the courthouse. The public is excluded from the courtroom. Attorneys police themselves with strict confidentiality. Judges police themselves with strict confidentiality. Judges are not bound by a constitution, statute, or case law and are given discretion to make their own law. Judges do not have to explain their decisions. There is no appellate process for court decisions or for a grievance against a judge or lawyer.
WHAT COUNTRY ARE WE IN WHEN...
You can go to jail for saying what you think, for talking too loudly, or for not doing exactly whatever the judge orders you to do.
WOULD YOU BE IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA in 1950;
COMMUNIST CHINA in 1960,;
or NAZI GERMANY in 1940?
NO, THE COUNTRY YOU WOULD BE IN IS THE
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IN 1999!
THE # 1 PREDICTOR OF WHETHER A CHILD WILL BECOME A CHILD AT RISK OF
GROWING UP WITH PROBLEMS IS
not the color of his skin,
not his ethnic background,
not whether his family is wealthy or poor...
but whether that child has a father in his or her life.
THE EFFECTS OF CHILDREN GROWING UP WITHOUT A FATHER ARE INDISPUTABLE:
VIOLENT CRIME:
85% of all youths incarcerated
60% of rapists,
72% of adolescent murderers, and
70% of the long-term prison population are persons raised in ...
fatherless homes.
TOBACCO, ALCOHOL, AND DRUG USE:
75% of adolescent patients at chemical abuse centers reside in fatherless homes.
LOWER PERFORMANCE ON INTELLIGENCE TESTS:
71% of all high school dropouts reside primarily in fatherless homes.
OUT-OF-WEDLOCK BIRTHS AND TEEN PREGNANCY:
70% of teenage pregnancies are to girls raised in fatherless homes.
SUICIDE:
63% of youth suicides are by children residing in fatherless homes.
PHYSICAL ABUSE:
58% of child abuse occurs in fatherless homes.
HOMELESSNESS:
90% of homeless and runaway children come from fatherless homes.
OTHER CORRELATIONS WITH ABSENCE OF A FATHER:
poverty, disease, lower socio-economic status, and more difficulty establishing relationships with peers.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AMERICAN FATHERS ARE ON THE LIST OF "ENDANGERED SPECIES". We are experiencing legalized GENOCIDE of fathers in this country...and it's got to stop!
Our government is doing nothing to promote the formation of or the preservation of marriage.
CHILDREN NEED AND DESERVE EMOTIONAL AND
FINANCIAL CHILD SUPPORT FROM TWO PARENTS!
OXYMORONS
It's dawned on me how many oxymorons there are in domestic law: You know an Oxymoron: A combination of words that are contradictory, that are incompatible or have inconsistent meaning.
HERE ARE A FEW:
CUSTODY AND VISITATION WITH YOUR CHILD
We don't custody or visit our children, we parent them.
REASONABLE and LIBERAL VISITATION
Is neither reasonable or liberal. Where did anyone come up with the idea that 4 days a month is all a child needs with either parent.
NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT
I'm not a "non" anything, I'm a parent.
QUALITY TIME
You can not have "quality time" without quantity time!
GOOD ATTORNEY
When I am asked to recommend a good attorney, I say that is an oxymoron.
OFFICER of the Court
Yea, non commissioned officer.
DEADBEAT DAD
Deadbeats are not born, they are created by our
government.
CHILD SUPPORT
Any over the actual cost is tax free alimony
SPOUSAL SUPPORT
Call it what it really is: Marriage license tax - $33 going in and $33,000 going out
COURT MEDIATOR
You can't be a neutral facilitator and work for the court
TEMPORARY ORDER
Temporary orders become permanent orders
PRIMARY CARETAKER
There is no such thing. When I care for my child I'm not
secondary.
JOINT CUSTODY
G-d made me a joint custodial parent, the court made me a visitor.
SINGLE PARENT
Not unless he or she was never married.
All time favorites:
GENDER NEUTRAL - No such thing
"IN A CHILD'S BEST INTEREST" - Never
"IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD" - It takes two parents
IN CONCLUSION, let me say...
This is still the greatest country in the world, with Liberty and Justice for ALL... THOSE WHO CAN AFFORD IT.
We have the greatest legal system in the world... THE BEST MONEY CAN BUY.
State Judicial boards are protecting judges;
State Bars are protects attorneys;
and nobody is protecting we the people.
LET ME REMIND YOU...
Most laws don't give us rights and liberties, they take them way!
We don't go to court to get our rights we go to court to lose them! (Raymond's Rule) A friend of mine Raymond Hagenbuch taught me that.
And...
G-D makes us joint custodial parents from the day our children are born - courts make us visitors.
I wonder if Abraham Lincoln were here today if he would say...
"This government of the lawyers, by the lawyers, for the lawyers must perish from this earth so that parents and their children may have a new birth of freedom."
SO WHAT'S THE SOLUTION?
1. Parenting education on the affects of conflict on children, alternative parenting arrangements, conflict resolution, leading to mediation.
2. Mediation, including developing a parenting plan.
3. Presumption of shared parenting responsibility.
4. Enforcement of Orders, and accountability for Judges who make them.
I have not yet given up on this country but...
We need changes and we need them now!
I leave you with a quote from President Theodore Roosevelt:
"In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the RIGHT thing, the next best thing is the WRONG thing, and the worst thing you can do is NOTHING."
Thank You!
Murray Steinberg is recognized as one of the long time leading advocates for families in the state of Virginia. Along with his wife Dr. Barbara Steinberg, Murray has worked at the state and national levels to advocate for parent education, mediation, and shared parenting responsibility. Murray has served on numerous state committees and is a lobbyist at the Virginia General Assembly as well as on Capital Hill.
More speeches below, or to order videotapes of this event email us
Family
values
start by valuing families
Jeff Golden
Fathers and Childrens Equality
(FACE)
Lincoln Memorial, Washington, DC
November 7, 1999
Have any of you ever heard of a child wanting to divorce his parents? There have been a few such cases, but they are few and far between. Why, then, if two adults decide to dissolve their marriage, are the children also required to divorce one of their parents? They shouldn't have to, but the way things work today, they do. One of the parents becomes the "custodial" parent. The kids continue to have a parent-child relationship with that parent. The "noncustodial" parent becomes a "visitor" and a paycheck.
I'm the vice president of Fathers' and Children's Equality, a New Jersey based nonprofit support and self-help group for noncustodial parents and their families. We have nearly 2,000 members and other supporters. I said "noncustodial parents," and not "fathers." Even though the name of our group is Fathers' and Children's Equality, over 20% of our members are women, and more than half of the initial calls we get on our hot-line are from women. Who are they? Some are noncustodial mothers, but most of the women who call are calling for some man in their life -- a boyfriend, a husband, a son, or a friend. The mother gets custody in 90 to 95 percent of divorce cases, and in nearly 100 percent of cases where the parents were unwed.
When a newcomer comes to one of our meetings, often he will say "My lawyer did a pretty good job for me." I ask what he means by this. He says, "Well he did a good job of representing me in divorce court."
I ask him to clarify this. "Who has custody of the kids?" I'll ask.
He'll say "We have joint custody."
"Oh," I'll say. "How often do you get to see them?"
"Every other weekend and one evening during the week."
"Who has the house?"
"She does."
"Who has the car?"
"She does."
"Who pays child support?"
"I do. She has the kids."
After a few more questions, I'll ask "Why did you bother getting a lawyer? Could you have done any worse if you had NO lawyer?"
Usually he will agree with me. Then I ask him why he came to our meeting. He'll say something like "Yesterday was my kid's birthday, and she wouldn't let me see him."
or
"Christmas is coming up, and she's taking them out of state to visit her family."
Joint custody means nothing. The children are the custodial parent's property. The noncustodial parent is, as I said before, only a "visitor" for a few days a month. That's no way to build a parent-child relationship. That's no way for a child to learn that he has two loving parents.
I want to tell you a little story. Washington, DC seems like an appropriate place for me to tell this story:
I was in third grade in Newark, New Jersey during the 1952 Eisenhower -Stevenson presidential election campaign. One day, a group of adults came into the classroom and spoke to the teacher. She interrupted the class. One of the adults said "We want to know, if you could vote, who would you vote for for president?" They then asked everyone who would vote for Eisenhower to raise his hand, then everyone who would vote for Stevenson.
I voted for Eisenhower because "I liked Ike." Stevenson won that classroom "election" by a landslide. The adults left the classroom talking among themselves and smiling and nodding to each other.
What had happened here? We were a bunch of eight-year-olds. We had never studied politics or the election campaign. All we were supposed to do was learn multiplication tables. Why were these adults so interested in our opinions? Because children will reflect the views and opinions of their parents. Our parents didn't even have to talk to us about the election for us to know their opinion. We probably overheard "adult" conversations at home.
Most of the communication between parent and child is non-verbal. Throughout their childhood, kids learn what their parents like and don't like. They learn not only from what their parents tell them, but also through their parent's demeanor. They learn that, if they please the adults who care for them, they will receive the adults' praise, and maybe an extra helping of dessert. The visitors in my third grade class wanted to get a prediction of the election results in our voting district, and the results of the classroom "election" corresponded exactly with the results in the real presidential election a few weeks later.
What does this story have to do with child custody? If there is only one parent in the house, the children will only learn that one parent's opinions and values. The child doesn't learn the noncustodial parent's morals, or work ethic, or religious convictions, or other values. If the custodial parent doesn't want anything to do with the other parent, the child picks up on this too. Soon the child starts saying "I don't want to go with Daddy." The custodial parent says, "The child says he doesn't want to go. That's his own opinion. I didn't tell him to say that. I can't FORCE him to go."
But the custodial parent DID tell him. She did it through non-verbal communication. She did it just as surely as my third grade classmates' parents told them their family was going to vote for Stevenson. And she CAN and SHOULD force the child to have a relationship with the other parent. We DO force kids to do things: "Eat your vegetables." "Take a bath." "Do your homework." "It's time to go to bed." "Go to school."
It's okay to force kids to do things that are good for them. A child has no more right to say "I don't want to see Daddy any more" than he does to say "I don't want to go to school any more."
There's a name for the condition I just described. It's called "Parental Alienation Syndrome." Type that into your web-browser, or type in "Dr. Richard Gardner," the author of the book by the same name. In his book, Dr. Gardner describes the differences between mild, moderate and severe Parental Alienation Syndrome. Read the book and you'll recognize symptoms that you've seen in your own child.
On February 4, 1974, Patty Hearst was kidnaped by a radical group called the Symbionese Liberation Army. A few weeks later, she was making videos in support of the group, and was even caught on a bank surveillance camera as "Tonya," a machine gun-toting SLA bank robber.
On August 23, 1974, during a robbery of the Sveriges Kreditbank in Stockholm, Sweden, the robbers took hostages and kept them captive in a vault. Shortly after the Ayatola Khomeni came to power in Iran in 1979, the U.S. embassy was taken over, and western hostages were taken. The Iran hostage situation cost Jimmy Carter his re-election as president.
What do all these events have in common? When the hostages in all of these cases were released, they at first spoke glowingly about how well their captors treated them. It wasn't until weeks later, and sometimes after intensive psychological therapy, that these former hostages were able to realize that their rights had been violated and they were actually treated very badly. They had THOUGHT they were well treated because they occasionally got something to eat and weren't shot. Ever since, this phenomenon has been known as "Stockholm Syndrome."
What does all this have to do with child custody? If sophisticated adults -- bank executives, diplomats, U.S. Marines, and even a young, college educated heiress -- can be lead to believe they are being well treated when they are not, doesn't it seem logical that it's even easier to do this to children? Of course it is, and that's what Parental Alienation Syndrome is all about. Parental Alienation Syndrome is Stockholm Syndrome inflicted on children. >
On their website, the National Organization or Women has a white paper on fathers' rights. In it, among other things, they say that Parental Alienation Syndrome doesn't exist. N.O.W. is a well funded and politically connected organization. They used their political connections to lobby Congress to pass a resolution that also says that Parental Alienation Syndrome doesn't exist. I disagree. I believe that it takes place, at least to some extent, in almost every divorce case.
But why are we concerned about children being raised by one parent? Aren't single mothers capable of raising children who will become honest, productive, adult citizens? Yes, some are, but the odds are against it.
Research has shown that fatherless children score lower in cognitive tests. 71 percent of high school dropouts are fatherless. Children learn from their fathers to put limitations on their behavior. There is a correlation between the percentage of fatherless households in a community and the rates of violent crime and burglary. If you don't believe this, look at your own town. You'll find that the neighborhood with the most households headed by single mothers is also the neighborhood with the lowest productivity and the highest crime rate.
More than 80 percent of adolescents in psychiatric hospitals are from fatherless homes. So are 75 percent of chemical addicted children, 90 percent of teenage runaways, and three out of four teenage suicides. Fatherless girls have a special problem. Having grown up without healthy male role models, they tend to make irresponsible decisions in their relationships with boys. They have difficulty distinguishing the difference between affection and sex, and account for 71 percent of teenage pregnancies. Adults who were raised without fathers are far less likely to ever develop a healthy, long-term relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
I told you earlier about N.O.W.'s position on Parental Alienation Syndrome. Do all women agree with N.O.W.? Does N.O.W. represent all women? NO! Those women I told you about who call our hot-line don't agree with N.O.W. All of the men in the audience here today have mothers, sisters, aunts, wives, girlfriends. N.O.W. doesn't represent them, either. The sooner that our legislators recognize that there are millions of women, and that N.O.W. is a radical-feminist group of only a few thousand, and that most women DO NOT support their positions, the sooner they will begin working to correct one of the biggest social problems facing us --fatherlessness.
What's the solution? If children have two good parents, it should NOT be the court's job to decide which one is "less good," and give them to the other parent. Even if the kids have two not-so-good parents, they are entitled to keep both of them. The court's ONLY job should be to devise a plan in which the children will continue to have a meaningful parent-child relationship with BOTH parents. Anything less than this, or anything the court does that is not with this goal in mind, is counterproductive, and may even be considered child abuse.
Just one last comment: Fathers' and Children's Equality sometimes sets up a table in a shopping mall where we give out information about the organization and about family law reform. Every time we do this, young adults stop by the table and tell us we should keep up the good work. When I ask them if they have children, they say no. When I ask about their interest in our work, invariably they tell me that their parents were divorced when they were young and their mother wouldn't let them have a relationship with their father. As long as people keep telling me that, I'll keep on working for every child to have a meaningful parent-child relationship with BOTH parents.
To get information on this years National Cry for Children RALLY 2000, click here.
NATIONALCRY FORCHILDREN
(Speech by Brad Ingram, Chairman, National Cry for Children)
Ladies and Gentlemen.
Our first president, George Washington, is his farewell speech, said-
"Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that National morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle."
John Adams, our second president, cautioned us that, "Our Constitution was made ONLY for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other."
Thomas Jefferson said, "God who gave us life gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation be secure when we have removed a conviction that these liberties are the gift of God?"
The last two hundred years have seen the words and warnings of our founding fathers slowly fade into obscurity. School children are no longer taught these principles, instead they are led to believe that the drafters of our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution were basically agnostic, and their intellects created those masterful words on which they built a Country. Children are not taught that when the dissent over what form the Constitution would take threatened to send our forefathers home empty handed and frustrated, it was Ben Franklin who stood, took control of the group, reminded them that it had been God that had brought them thus far and then he led them all in prayer for wisdom.
Ladies and gentleman this is where our country came from, and hopefully today we all have a clear indication of not only where we are, but where we are going.
Our founding fathers knew that the vast freedoms that we enjoy in this country could only be saved from societal chaos by a belief in absolutes. They found those absolutes in the Bible. Today "we the people" have moved far from those absolutes, and we suffer the chaos we were warned of. Today, and for the last few decades this country has been embroiled in civil war. Frankly it has taken far more lives than any other war this country has fought before. Roughly 700,000 people a year are killed by this war. The destruction has been slow and cunning, and all but ignored by the media. Our government has taken no steps to avert it, but they have watched their war chest grow full. After fifty years we can look back at World War II and see that although the Allied forces prevailed, the only ones that were truly victorious were the companies that supplied the weapons and machinery. They prospered, while others died in the trenches. We in this country learned quickly to point at the opposition, the Germans, the Italians, the Japanese, and lay the blame for countless lost lives on them, but mothers and fathers of almost every nationality wept bitterly over the spilt blood of their children.
No, the only victims were those children, and today the victims of this Gender War are the children. Mothers and fathers both are exploited by this war. Far too many otherwise loving and attentive parents have abandoned their children to march off to fight this gender war, never realizing that the only winners will be those that stand back and profit from our pain and loss, and from the abuse inflicted on our children.
We live in an era where our very government has moved so far from the absolutes on which this country was founded that we have forgotten that absolutes are even necessary. Our values and morals are no longer based in what is right, but in what is popular, and that popularity has destroyed millions of families and children. We?re told that divorce is OK because everyone else does it. We?re told that if your current spouse can?t make you happy, dump them and go find someone who can, and all too frequently, after a family is destroyed, and children are maimed for life, someone finally gets around to telling us that others can?t make us happy anyway, we have to do it ourselves. So why was a family destroyed?
Society teaches us that when we get tired of our spouse the proper response is to start squirreling away money, shifting your assets, and frankly whoever does the best job at planning the abandonment of their family is the one the courts will favor. Woe to the poor soul who thinks that this is just another valley in the marriage. You know all relationships have their ups and downs, that is a law of nature, but today we live in a time when the ups and downs have been replaced by down and outs. Out of the marriage. Those lulls that are supposed to be there are now the catalyst for millions to abandon their family. That has been the greatest consequence of our new morality. We have not only made it legal to abandon your family, we have made it favorable. What''s worse is we consider ourselves enlightened and think that we have advanced.
Some of you may question what I mean when I say abandon your family. You may say, "But I'm still living in the house, I still have the kids, I still drive them to soccer practice, I haven't abandoned my family." Think again. We need to once again put these issues in their proper perspective. When mom, dad, and the kids are the family one day, and not the next, then someone has abandoned their family. The commitment to love honor and cherish till death do you part has been abandoned by someone, and the home that your children left from this morning is not the house that they return to tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, somewhere along the path this country has chosen to adopt a belief that we have no responsibility to our family other than to write a check. We?ve believed lies in spite of the facts we see clearly. The lies were comfortable, while the truth required us to be accountable not only to ourselves but to a higher calling. The truth required us to believe in things like God, family, and country. The truth required us to sometimes sacrifice for others, or to plant a tree whose shade we?d never enjoy. In short the truth required us pay a price for the freedoms we enjoy.
The lies were much more easily swallowed. We were told it's better to get a divorce then to let our children see us argue, when we knew in truth that our children would one day have their own arguments and would need the lessons they learned from watching their parents work through their problems. Instead we have taken that lesson from them. Instead they don?t watch mom and dad argue, no now they watch mom and dad try to destroy each other in a courtroom where the weapons of war are control, manipulation, vengeance, and more lies. Our children watch their parents go at each other like pit bulls, snapping at the others throat until only one is left standing, and then we blame Hollywood or Smith and Wesson when a kid starts shooting his classmates. There's another lie here too. The other lie is that whoever is left standing must be the winner. The truth is that the only winners are the people outside of the family, because everyone in the family is a loser when this gender war is fought on your home soil.
We've been led to believe by special interest groups that their attacks on the family are for good and moral reasons. We?re led to believe that millions of women are saved from domestic violence by getting a divorce. The truth is that most domestic violence occurs after the separation, not before. Another lie is that men are the main abusers. In fact all responsible scientific study shows that women are more often the aggressors. But this gender war uses guerrilla tactics and propaganda is the tool that keeps the money flowing out of Washington and into the bank accounts of groups that openly profess their disdain for the family structure in America. Why? Because these groups can quickly turn around and make sure the politicians get re-elected next year. It?s a trade off. An I?ll scratch your back if you scratch mine arrangement that only benefits the politicians and the special interest groups, and it is killing another child in this country every 48 minutes because no one will stand up to stop it.
Today we are here to say "We'll stop it!" We're here to tell the courts that they are bound by law and ethics to get to the truth and we expect them to start doing that instead of shirking their responsibility. We're here to tell every lawyer in this country that you have made more than enough money on the destruction of families and it is time for you to start putting the true best interest of our children first and the way to do that is to stop lying in court, obstructing justice, and fueling the flames between two parents. It is time for every Bar in the land to start policing its own or we will. And it's time for our legislators and executive branch to start doing what's right not what's popular.
There's a lot of talk right now about the need for public campaign finance, well ladies and gentlemen right now in Congress there is a several billion dollar program to do just that. It's called the Violence Against Women Act, but in reality it's a fleecing of America that should be called the Destruction of the American Family Act. Violence shouldn't be tolerated from anyone to anyone, and it's time for this country to start acting like it. Let's start protecting all Americans and let's start with the children who take more of their own lives because of divorce than the number of adults killed by spouses. Why not a Violence in the Family Act, geared toward solving problems not making more, and why don't we address the problem that causes most of the Domestic violence in this country...No Fault Divorce.
Instead those groups that promote the destruction of families and children seek stronger Protective Orders, and the elimination of proof that one is needed, and Why? Because these people know that they are putting millions of American women in danger every day by their own actions, not by the actions of their spouse.. They recommend on one hand that a woman leave her husband for no good reason, and then run commit fraud on the court to gain protection from his anger. If you want to find out who is winning in this situation, you need only follow the money trail and see who is getting the million dollar grants. All the while 5000 new children a day suffer from the most common form of child abuse in this country, the loss of a parent.
Ladies and gentlemen it's time for us to stop and look at what our founding fathers had in mind when they trusted that our freedoms could only be held in check by believing in absolutes.
Jefferson's words, "the God who gave us life, gave us liberty," relay the basis for the solution to almost every problem between men and women in this world, and that is that God gave us life and liberty. In the Bible, the book of Genesis portrays the beginning of man with telling us that we were created in God?s image. Often that verse is misquoted or interpreted. What it says is "That God created mankind is His own image. Male and female He made them in His image. That?s Gen. 1:27, and it carries such an important message that has been all but lost as we chose to believe in evolution and our own understanding. That verse contains something that Charles Darwin never gave us, and that is dignity not based in anything we do but simply because we are created in the image of God. It also says plainly that male and female are created in the image of God. Ladies and gentlemen Equal dignity is far more important to this country right now than equal rights. By nature we, male and female, have an equal dignity created and instilled in us by God. Men and women don't look alike, and we also don't always act alike. Any fool can tell that there are differences between the sexes, and we were created with those differences, but they don't effect our value or our dignity, because in creating us in His image He made those things equal for all of us.
But there's another twist to all this. If we don't look alike how can we both be made in His image? At first it sounds like one of those contradictions you hear scholars talk about when they are trying to make light of the beliefs that formed this country. For the answer to how we could both be created in His image you need only look to the next page. For God goes on and talks of marriage. He doesn't give a command, He merely states what is. He says, "For this reason a man leaves his father and mother, and cleaves to his wife, and the two become one flesh." Since we've forgotten that the two become one it is no wonder that we?ve also failed to look for the reason why the two become one flesh. It is because of the image of God. It is because the only way for man and woman who obviously don't share the same physical characteristics to both be made in the image of God, is for those two to become one. I'm a firm believer that all of us have a knowledge of God and some form of a relationship with God. I also believe that our marriages tend to mimic our relationship with God. Who is it that we can ignore for 23 hours 59 minutes a day and then suddenly expect to be there when we call? Usually it's our spouse and it's God. Who do we tend to blame when we made a mistake but are too embarrassed to admit it? Usually it's our spouse and God. Who else can we yell at one minute, and expect to forgive us the next, but our spouse and God. And who do we most frequently blame when things aren?t going our way? Our spouse and God..
You see we came complete with a formula for learning to relate to God in a daily emotional way. It is our spouse, and we may not like it all the time, but when we allow that to be our absolute we have freedom that can only come from God. We have dignity with our spouse. And since we're talking about children today it's important that you understand the reason why we need this dignity, this hope, and this lesson. Malachi put it as bluntly as it can be put, "In Spirit and in flesh they are one, and why one? Because He was seeking Godly offspring. So break not the faith with the wife of your youth."
Ladies and Gentlemen, divorce destroys the very image of God that we are to pass on to our children. They see conditioned responses, not unconditional love. They see power struggles between their parents instead of the unity of love. They see their parents expect mercy when they do wrong and demand justice when their spouse does wrong, but they don?t see much forgiveness. And maybe most importantly they watch their parents try frantically to overcome the laws of nature.
God is God, and through supernatural miracle God can join two people into one. Man is man and our attempts to undo God?s miracle lack His supernatural ability. God makes two one, and man divides that one by two, leaving not two individuals, but two halves that have not only lost each other, but also lost their God given dignity.
Is it any wonder that we have the problems that we are hear to discuss today? This may sound ridiculous to you. It may sound like a fairy tale, or the ramblings of a lunatic, but deep down in your heart wouldn't you like to have the kind of unity and dignity I?m talking about? If your answer is yes, then stand up and claim it today. Claim dignity for yourself, claim a Godly image for you children, and let's make sure the next generation has the absolutes necessary to insure their freedom. Mothers and fathers claim your God given dignity, that is the only thing of any real value that you will pass on to your children.
Thank you and God Bless !