National Cry for Children's help line
This space is devoted to HELPING families in crises. Topics may include marrital problems, child rearing, legal problems, violence and other forms of abuse, or just general questions. Please remember that this forum is for STRENGTHENING families, not tearing them down.
Dear National Cry,
My wife just told me she isn't happy and wants a divorce. We have two children, a boy who is 5, and my daughter, who just turned 3. I don't want a divorce, but she is insisting.
What should I do, and does divorce hurt children?
Thanks,
XXXXXX
Dear Friend,
My heart breaks for you, your wife, and your kids. I know what those words feel like, especially when you don't want to hear them.
To answer your first question...divorce isn't just bad for kids, it KILLS thousands of them every year. I hope that you'll follow the links on this site to the page about fatherlessness. Read it thoroughly, and I hope you'll print it out and LOVINGLY give a copy to your wife to read.
All of us go into marriage expecting the very best. All of us hold our newborn children and want to give them the perfect life. Sometimes when things aren't going well in our marriage we decide to end it, and often people think that it is best for the children to end the marriage. Let me stress to you that it is BAD for children to be raised in a home filled with bickering. It is also bad for kids to see no love between their parents. But it is worse to get divorced.
Responsible parents have only ONE choice, stay married and FIND YOUR HAPPINESS THERE. I promise you if there was love between you at one time, it CAN be rekindled. And it is important for YOU to be the one who starts. Find the love for your wife. I'm not talking about dependency, but love.
In the Bible, the Book of Phillipians in 4:8, says, "Finally, Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things."
My prayer for you is that you'll be able to put this into practice with your wife. I can KNOW you feel betrayed right now, and those feelings are justifiable. But those feelings WON'T help your situation. If your wife is still in the home with you, start looking for the good things again. Start learning to LOVE your wife and you might find that she doesn't want to leave anymore. Even if she does you'll find that you have peace with yourself because you did the RIGHT thing.
IHS, Brad