trpoemsjane

"Should'a Called me Jane"

Oh - I think my parents should'a called me Jane..
I feel so invisible...So awkward and plain...
My every day is a bad hair day and my
Complexion is so imperfect and pale...
And sometimes I feel...just like a dolphine or a
Whale...
But without and ocean for me to swim...
Where I am the only one...Who really knows -
Where I have been...
Oh - I used to have the guys...
Almost lining up at my door...
But you can see it in my eyes...
It's just not like that anymore...
Maybe 10 years...and 20 pounds ago...
Oh - I've been in a struggle to lose
the pounds...But its not that easy...
You know.
And no dyes or makeup - can change
Who I am right now...
And if you were cruel...you might call me pudgy -
Might even call me cow!!!
But I think cows have the most beautiful eyes...
And they don't have colored contacts...or use
Makeup and Dyes!!!
I have a heart...but its been empty these days...
I've been wandering around this world -
Like I'm in a foggy daze.
I may not always use the most of myself...
But I've got alot weighing on my mind...
Sometimes I feel a little lonely -
A little lost and undefined...
I'm not the girl I used to know...
But who the hell WAS SHE - anyways???
I can still laugh as quickly as I can cry -
On any given day...
My eyes are green...I do know that...
And sometimes I wonder - If maybe I
Should've been born a CAT...
I have my dreams - just like anybody else -
Some have faded in time...the rest lay upon
A dusty old shelf...
But...I HAVE FOUGHT!!! But...I HAVE TRIED!!
My heart has loved...and identified...
The hurt and pain - of disappointment and
Rejection...
But I still long for sweet kisses and playful -
Affection...
Like a fool...I always end up wishing for the same Old things...
And my heart...is easier to tug at, and easier
To break - it seems...
Sometimes I like the silence...and like being
Here alone...
But it can get to be too much...without a lover
To touch...
Or to call on the phone...
And it doesn't matter which side I'm on -
Of lifes' big window pane...
Cause I still think...
My parents...
Should'a called me Jane.

                                             Tammy Remando
                                             March 9/2001