Look To The Stars--Chapter 7

My flight was delayed two hours and inside, I was happy. Kat was crying still, she hadn't stopped since we arrived at the airport. My dad was trying his best to comfort her but it wasn't working. My mom had even tried and she pushed her away. For some reason, Kat was a daddy's girl when it came to my father but she would never acknowledge her own father's existance. She hated her parents with a passion and I saw no reason for it. They were always nice to me.

"Mommy, how can I make her stop crying?" I asked.

"I don't know, Justin. She'll have to calm herself down."

I knew that if I didn't do something, Kat would be upset for a long time and seeing her cry for two more hours would eat me alive. I looked around the airport terminal and saw a gift shop.

"Mom, can I have my spending money now...I need to get something for Kat."

"Don't you want to wait and get her something nice from Florida?"

"She needs it now."

"Fine." My mother reached into her purse and handed me an envelope of my money. I had saved up as much money as possible so I would be able to send my friends something. I ran off to the gift shop.

"Where are you going, Justin?" I heard Kat call out. "JUSTIN!" I didn't respond and I kept running. I picked up a teddy bear and gave it to the cashier.

"Is this all?" He asked.

"Yes."

"That will be $30.89." I handed the man $31.

"Keep the change," I said. I grabbed the bear off the counter and ran back to my mother. I gave her the envelope and walked over to Kat.

"Where did you go?" She asked, wiping away her tears. I could tell she was trying to look strong for me. I took her arm and walked her away from all the people surrounding us.

"I wanted to get you something before I left."

"You didn't have to," she sniffled. The site of her red, puffy eyes and tearstained cheeks made my heart go out to her.

"This is for you," I held out the teddy bear and she took it and held it tight.

"Thank you."

"No, thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything. I know this is hard for you because I'm leaving and I want you to know I'm just as upset as you are. I'm leaving everything behind to try and follow my dream. This is crazy, I never thought this would be possible, but it is. This bear, is my heart. I'm giving you my heart and I want you to take care of it for me. You are the only person I trust with a gift like this. As much as I'm leaving behind, YOU are the one thing I'm going to miss the most. I know this probably sounds really mushy and everything, but you are so important to me. I didn't know what friendship was until I realized it was you. Every time I've been scared or afraid, you've been there. When I wanted to run away from home, you helped me realize I should stay. And YOU are the reason I've been able to get this far. With out you, I wouldn't be in this airport. You made me realize who I am and what I want. I know this sounds silly because I'm 11 years old. How am I supposed to know what I want, right? I know because you always told me if I reached for the top and didn't let myself get in the way anything was possible. YOU taught me that. You taught me how to do so much. You taught me how to be a friend and how to let others in my life."'

"Justin..."

"No, I'm not done. I hate walking away because I need you in my life. There will not be a day or minute or second that I won't wish you were down there standing next to me. I won't be able to hold you up when you need it and you won't be there to hold me up. I need you because with out you, I will be walking around with out my heart. Nothing can take your place and I will never be complete with out you. I promise you that I will NOT forget you and I want you to promise me the same thing. Promise you will take care of this bear, and my heart and that no matter what, you won't forget me."

"I could never forget you, Justin. I promise."

"I hate doing this to you. I hate seeing you cry. Can you please smile and give me some of the strength I KNOW you have inside you? I need you to be strong for me, because with out you...with out your strength, I have nothing. For me...please."

Kat smiled and dried her eyes for the last time. She took me in her arms and hugged me tight. When she let go she pinched my cheek.

"You're just growing up so fast. My little JuJu bean," she knew I hated that name and having my cheeks pinched. I knew she did it to distract both of us from the inevitable...we were going to say goodbye.

"Oh you are in for it now!"

"AHH!" She screeched and ran away. She held the bear in her hand as I chased her around the airport. She screamed occasionally and my parents watched with disapproving eyes. They didn't stop us though. They knew we needed to have fun and remember the good times. I finally caught up with her. I grabbed her arm and she came flying back around and hit my chest.

"You know you'll never win at this game."

"Oh you are so wrong, Justin...so wrong."

"WHAT? How am I wrong?" I said, I released my grib and folded my arms over my chest.

"That's how," she replied and took off running again. We ran around for a while and she eventually hid behind my father.

"No fair! You tricked me."

"Life isn't fair, Justin. I won!" She stuck her tongue out at me.

"MOM!"

"Justin, stop whining. And Kathleen, please...don't get him riled up. You don't have to sit next to him on the plane. I don't want to deal with him all hot and bothered."

"I'm sorry Miss Lynn."

"You are forgiven. Now, go have fun." My mom gently coaxed Kat away from my father and she sat down on the seat next to me. We had one hour before I had to leave. She leaned her head on my shoulder and whispered something to me.

"I'm going to miss you."

"I know, I'm going to miss you, too." I rested my head on top of hers and closed my eyes. Tears were forming and I tried to hold them back but one still managed to escape and roll down my cheek.

When it came time to say goodbye, Kat was crying and she couldn't calm down. She was losing control and slowly, my world was falling apart. Seeing the pain in her eyes as she clutched onto the bear.

"Remember what I said. I'll write or call every chance I get. We can make it through this, but we have to work together. I need your strength, Kat. I need it. I need one smile to get me through this. One smile."

She gave me a half-hearted smile.

"That wasn't good enough. Don't make me pin you."

She laughed and smiled. "You could never pin ME."

"Thank you. Remember my promise."

"I'll remember," she whispered. She hugged me and I could feel her trembling body against mine and I had to fight everything inside of me to walk away. I wanted to run back to her and carry her on the plane with me but I knew I couldn't. I took my mother's hand and walked down towards the plane. I looked back until I couldn't see her anymore. Tears were falling from my eyes and my heart was telling me this was wrong. It took walking away to realize all I wanted and all I needed was that friend, all I needed was her and I would be happy.
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"Justin...hello? JUSTIN!" JC was trying to get my attention and I snapped back into reality.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something."

"Something or someone...anyway. Are you ready to do this?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"Here's your microphone. Don't screw this up...I'm not sure how much I can cover your butt for this one.":

"I know. I just hope I don't forget the words."

"Oh God, help me now. It's now or never.

"I can't believe I'm doing this. Let's get this over with."

"Good luck," JC replied. He walked up to the area where the DJ was. He took the microphone from the DJ and started to speak. "We have a special surprise for this evening."

Everyone in the room grew quiet and turned there attention to JC. I looked at the table where Hayley and Kat were seated. I saw Kat look around the room nervously. She looked like she was waiting for JC to jump her. I laughed quietly. Kat had NO clue what was coming.

"This tour has gotten off to a rough start. We had to push the dates back because we hadn't finished recording our album and I just want to say thank you to everyone who has helped us out. You guys have been our saviors and we owe so much to you and I just wanted to thank you before we really get this party started. Anyway, enjoy this because I don't think you will see anything like it anytime soon."

Joey came out and took a seat behind a drum set and JC walked over to a piano. I saw the confusion on Kat's face and I smiled. I picked up the guitar and adjusted my head set. I started to strum the chords and Joey kept the beat and JC joined in on the piano. The room was turning in all different directions trying to find where the guitar was coming from. I walked out from the shadows and smiled. The room started to clap and I kept my eyes on Kat. I saw her look at Hayley who was beaming with pride. She didn't know anything about what we had planned but she looked proud of our work. I began to sing the words...

Kat was trying so hard to hide her tears and she was trying to laugh and smile them off as the song ended. Hayley was glowing with pride as she ran up to JC.

"You know we did that for Kat," he stated.

"I know. I'm just really proud of you two. I thought you guys would surely screw this one up but you did it. She may not take you back right away but there is no way she can turn her back completely. She can't even hide the love anymore. Did you see the way she stared at Justin when he sang to her? It was the most precious sight. I wish I could have taken a picture of it."

"Someone did," I spoke up.

"They did?"

"Oh yes...I was practically blinded by the flash. I almost forgot the words...that would have been embarassing," I said.

"I want a copy of it. You guys were soo cute. I'm way too giddy right now. I guess it's your fault, Josh."

"How is it MY fault?"

"You let me come back and see you. And then I'm already excited to see you and you pull a stunt like that! You were staring at me the WHOLE time and that innocent smile was making me want to pounce. I had to really fight that one and then Super Star over here couldn't end the damn song fast enough."

"Watch it, Hayley."

"Just kidding. You know I love you and your sexy voice," she joked as she slapped my butt.

"WHOA!" I yelled.

"Sorry...it's the whole adrenaline thing...I have too much of it. Forgive me."

"I'd apologize to your man because after you touch a Timberlake ass, no other will feel quite as good."

"And he's still cocky! Shouldn't this episode have taken his confidence down a level or two? I thought maybe it was one of those Sampson things and maybe it was all in the hair but now that there ISN'T ANY LEFT, I know it ain't that!"

"You don't like my hair?"

"No I love it, I just wish JC could do the same."

"Watch it..."

"Oh come on! You look like you want to be Elvis or something, I mean COME ON, the IMAX opening. Please, tell me, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? And you, Justin, don't let him out looking like that! Please, it's an embarassment. Just think years from now I'm going to have to describe him to my kids and I don't want to be saying, 'He's the one with the sexy voice and CRAPPY HAIR and NO fashion sense.' Although the fashion thing could describe any of you."

"I've missed you so much, Hayley!" I said and hugged her. "You never fail to knock the ego down a couple notches do you?"

"I'm feeling a little snubbed by you Timberlake, but I don't care. JC's cuter anyway!" She joked.

"Oh GOD, not that again...I swear, people spread crap like you wouldn't believe. It's ok...I agree with you."

"Huh?" JC questioned. "Oh no, I know that look...Justin...stay away from me." He hid behind Hayley.

"You think she's going to stand in my way. I need you, JC. I want you...please, we should be together, don't fight your feelings anymore."

"I can't...I can't do this Justin."

"Why not? I know you want to," Just as I finished Chris walked up.

"Hey, what's happening up here?" Chris stated.

"I can't because...because...I'm in love with Chris," JC joked as he tried hard not to laugh when he saw Chris's face.

"I missed something."

"You...you...slut!" I joked and ran after Chris. He ran away but quickly stopped and acted like he was out of breath.

"I'm too old for this, J. Please, you wouldn't hurt an old man...would you?"

"Naw...I guess I'll leave you alone. You haven't been with Jace, you don't have the stamina, right Hayley?"

"What?" She called back.

"I said 'right Hayley?'."

"Umm, yeah...whatever."

"You are insane," he replied. "When are you going to finish designing your bandana?"

"Soon...I've been distracted with some other stuff."

"I know, I was just wondering. By the way, what song was that? It sounded like something Lance would listen to. Not you."

"I've Always Loved You by Third Day. Don't ask how I know it. It's just a really pretty song and it said what I needed to say. She's always loved being sung to so I went straight for the heart."

"You did a damn good job. She's trying so hard to cover it up, but you affected her. It was a nice little scene. I'm happy to say I got it all on tape."

"You video taped it?"

"Yep and Lance snapped an endearing picture."

"Lance is the one that practically blinded me?"

"I guess so. The things people do for love...it's so cute really."

"Do you think I should talk to her?"

"She's had enough recovery time. Go get 'em, Romeo."

I left Chris where he was standing. I saw JC and Hayley talking and joking at the piano bench. The people at the after party were mingling and a few complimented me on my performance. The seat next to Kat was still empty. I took it and she glanced in my direction before continuing her conversation with Wade.

"I'm sure this album will do great. You've seen the reaction to your single. This tour is going to have people talking and anticipating. The tour before the CD was a great idea. And you did a great job with the choreography...again," she smiled.

"Thanks. It's tough with these five. Sometimes you feel like you're talking to the wall but they got it eventually. Right, J?"

"Right Wade. You stressing over the album?"

"Not stressing, just talking. Making polite conversation. Kat's a really interesting person, you know. This is the first time I've seen her by herself so I took advantage of the opportunity."

"I see. So how does it feel to be younger than the people you boss around?" I asked.

"It's great. I'm younger and so much better. I'm talented and young and I'm going somewhere. I've been getting fan mail recently. I'm 'hot', you know."

"Really? I never would have guessed. Maybe the bleach is affecting your head, Wade."

"Haha, you're HILARIOUS 'Lake. I guess I'll leave you two alone. I think you have some things to discuss. Nice talking to you, Kat. I'll see you around."

"Bye, Wade."

"Don't even THINK about it," I told her.

"What?"

"I know that look. You like him."

"He's nice, he's young and talented. Of course I'll be attracted to him. What's on your mind?"

"You."

"Slick, Timberlake. You are a smooth talker. Does Brit go for that?"

"Can we not talk about her?"

"Why not?"

"Because, I'm not going to be with her for much longer and I don't want to talk about her. She ruined something that I really cared about and I was an idiot and I went against the only thing I ever really had going for me, besides my dashing good looks and smooth talking skills."

"Can you ever be serious?"

"You want me to be serious?"

"Yes. I do. You think you can sing to me and everything will be perfect again?"

"No, I don't think it will but I wanted you to know I was going to do EVERYTHING humanly possible. I've been thinking a lot recently and I know that's a foreign concept for me and all but...I realized a lot. I remembered a lot. I remembered a couple things I had tried to block out of my mind...like the night you called when you were on the street. I don't know if you know that my father came and found you because I called him and told him you were somewhere in Memphis. He drove around looking for you. I'm sorry for hanging up on you that night, but I was scared and I knew I wouldn't make you feel any better. You were calling me because you needed me to be strong for you and tell you everything would be ok but I couldn't do that. I was so worried about you. I broke down and had a panic attack. Dammit, Kat, I passed out. That's how UPSET I was. I know it seemed like I was letting you down and pushing you away but I didn't know what to do."

"JC told me."

"Told you what? About that night?"

"Yeah. He said you were really nervous and that you were freaking out and it was your phone call to your dad that saved my life. I know this is a little overdue, but thank you."

"Believe me, you don't have to thank me. I realized how much I cared for you that day. I was letting words flow out of my mouth and if I could go back and restate everything...I was pacing around the room BEGGING God to let you be ok because I needed you and I loved you. I knew that with out you life would suck and I would have nothing to push for. Nothing to fight for, life would have sucked. I would have rather died along with you than lived with out you and I'm feeling those same feelings all over again."

"Justin...I want to forgive you and a part of me has. But there's still a part of me that is hurting and can only see the hurt in your eyes and the anger in your voice as you said all those things and the way you didn't care when I told you everything and you just walked away. Yeah, you've walked away before but that time, you did it out of anger. An anger I've never seen come out of you before and it hurt. Looking at you now I can still hear the words and see your face. The look of disgust as you walked out the door. I don't know what happened on your bus when you had your 'episode' but I do know you were really upset and I could see it in your eyes when you came on my bus last night. You're hurting. You're hurting because you realized what you did and that's a good thing but...I know I'm being no better than you were because I should be taking you back but I can't. The part of me is too betrayed and most of all...I'm scared. I'm scared to death, Justin. I'm afraid that if I take you back you'll turn around and hurt me again. It's happened one too many times, J."

"Don't give up on me. That's all I ask."

"I won't give up but I'm not going to wait for you either."

"What do you mean by that?"

"If I get an offer, I'm taking it. I'm not going to wait around for you. I've done that before and it was a mistake. I'm going to live my life."

"Are you talking about Wade?"

"Maybe...maybe not. I can promise you it won't be from any of the guys. Besides, after the little song tonight I doubt anyone involved with Jive will come anywhere near me. You have marked your territory. I'm surprised Wade came over here to talk to me."

"He goes after what he wants. He always has. That's how he got where he is now."

"It's not a bad strategy. If it works..."

"I think it will."

"Justin...don't ruin what you have with Britney. Try and fix it. Talk to her and find out what is bothering her and WHY she felt she needed to get 'rid' of me. I don't think she meant to cause you this pain. Give her a chance to explain."

"Are you kidding?"

"No. I feel bad, she was so desperate on the phone. She doesn't know how you feel. She tried to sound confident but she was really just desperate. Talk to her before you do anything stupid. At least let her apologize."

"She doesn't think she did anything wrong!"

"You can never be sure. Just make sure that's the case before you act."

"If that's what you want me to do, then I'll do it."

"That's all I want. I know this seems crazy because just yesterday I was saying I loved you and crap but now...so much has changed. I saw a different side of you, a side I want to forget. I side I NEED to forget if I can ever care about you again. As much as I loved you then and still do...it's changed. I can't describe it but...I don't know if you are what I really need in my life, in that respect."

"I see what you are saying."

"Do you really?"

"No...but I'm not going to push you to explain something you don't understand."

"What I'm trying to say is, I didn't like what happened and until that memory can be erased...or made up for, I can't be with you. I need you as a friend, I always have and I always will but I don't know if I want you as a boyfriend."

"You want Wade."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to."

"Justin, don't act like this."

"Why? Why not? You say I'm confused about what I want. You are just as confused."

"If I am confused, it's because of the PAIN that YOU caused."

"We can't fight now...this isn't the place or the time."

"Then you shouldn't have come over here and you DEFINITELY should NOT have sung that damn song!" She screamed at me and stood up. She stormed out of the room and I sat there, staring at my hands. People were looking at me and I left and went after her. I wasn't going to let her leave me like this. I had to make her understand.
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