A Fisherman's Tale Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you." The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years." |
Blind Parachutist A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack." |
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| To Men "N" Womans Brains. |
3 Couples, 2 Compliments, 1 Adventure! Three couples went to a resturant. The guys wanted to compliment the women with something that was on the table. "Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first guy. "Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second. "Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third. |
| Braggadocio Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons. "My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!" "My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!" "My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock." "Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday |
| 1. "This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have to pay for it." 2. "Here, have a tic-tac. Please." 3. (To the waitress) "Could I have your phone number?" 4. "Before we go back to my place, you're not afraid of, snakes, are you?" 5. "I really had a good time tonight, uh, um, what the hell was your name again?" 6. "Hey, check out the babe sittin' in the corner. Wow, what a body!" 7. "What? Oh, I thought you were paying." 8. "Nice dress. I have one at home just like it." 9. "So my hand slipped, and the knife cut about half an inch into my thumb, and the blood was gushing all over the place, so I went to the emergency room to have it stitched up, but it kept throbbing, and swelling, and, oh, but I see you're eating." 10. "I want to move out, but my mom really needs me. And, who else is gonna make my lunch? And my bed? And clean my room?" |
| 10 THINGS YOU DONT SAY ON A FIRST DATE.... |
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| "New Jokes Soon." |
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