How is it that I insist on making myself feel insecure and uncomfortable? No matter how secure and...content (for lack of a better word)...I should feel I always quietly dig up the past and dwell on my flaws. I keep the most painful momentos of my past and look at them regularly. To 'humanize' myself, I suppose. Somehow I've rationalized it to myself that keeping my wounds fresh is a way to pay pennence(sp?) and other such misspellings. I dunno. I'm just tired of worrying over things that don't matter and people who've already forgotten.

...10:30pm EST...

I have finished with Conyers Ballet. Victor has approached me for doing lights for Pipin, the musical. I think I shall. Musicals are fun. It shall keep me busy to say the least.

I worry about college next year. I hope everything works out... and in the meantime I'm going to look up Cambridge Mellon(sp?) and NorthWestern University.... and Webster, of course. Graduate program... I'm aiming for Yale. That's where Victor has pointed me. *sigh* Okay okay okay, Becca, you gotta do this right. *sigh*