And there would be an end. For everyone. We would die, sepearted and in different places. Only, I was so much afraid of that in the dream. I was afraid of what would come afterwards. The lists told who would go into oblivion and who would have an afterlife. Not Heaven or Hell specifically, because those didn't exist. But an afterlife at all. And one of the people (I've no idea if it was a man or a woman) had a list with my name on it. I was in good standing with God.

I cried, then. As I looked for others on the list. But there was no one on the list that I knew. Not my list, at least. The place that God intended me to go was a nice, clean and beautiful hotel. But, I couldn't stay there. Not without TOOMA. He was on another list... in poor standing with God, because he didn't believe. I prayed and begged for the list to be changed. He could take my place. Only- it didn't work that way. I had to convince him. God said that I could take TOOMA with me if I could convince him that God did love him. And that He existed. And I nodded. Agreeing. Okay. I would try that.

I found TOOMA sitting in a theatre somewhere that looked a lot like SHS. That could have been SHS. He was sitting, watching the chaos, slightly confused. But calm. And I told him about the end. About the storm that was to come and about the lists. I told him about the deal God had made me and how I loved him so much that I couldn't bear to be without him. He laughed, though. TOOMA smiled at me as she propped his feet up on the seats in front of him. "God is a bastard." He smirked, not sure what sort of joke I was playing on him. I blinked, shaking my head. "He loves you..." I stuttered, lacking the eloquence and other such misspellings to explain the feeling that coursed through my veins when I talked to God. To show him the beauty I saw... and the darkness that was quickly enveloping us. And in the end, TOOMA didn't believe.

It is time. One of the people with the lists called to me. I was supposed to go to the hotel now. For the end. Crying, I looked at TOOMA despretely. My heart hurt so much. So much. But he just sat there, not really seeing me at all. Much less my distress. I looked back towards the list holder and shook my head. "I..I'm going to go with him." I managed, pointing to TOOMA. The list holder was surprised and frowned with disoproval. And as he turned to leave, I said my goodbyes to God in my heart. I was filled with so much pain and fear that I could barely think and before I knew it we had arrived where miscalanious(sp?) people awaited the end.

Darkness was everywhere, and I kept close to TOOMA. Afraid. I was the only one that could see the darkness. Perhaps the only one of that brood who could feel the earth shake and heave. They chatted and visited as I looked around the dank little motel where we were left. Stranded. Waiting for the nothingness of oblivion that I knew was to come. But as terrifying as that prospect was, it was better than leaving TOOMA behind. I woke up in mid prayer. "God, please save us. Help me save us somehow."

Thinking about the dream now makes me weak and emotional. I can't explain to you how terrifying that was to me. The idea of oblivion is one of the things that scares me most in the world, and to think I came so close to it... I don't know. And I wonder how many of you will understand how real these dreams are to me. How I can wake up crying or screaming...or praying...in the middle of the night. How I can feel the darkness smothering me or the earth shaking so badly that I can't keep my balance. And these feelings remain with me long after I've woken. I can no more explain these things to you than I can explain what the words 'soul' or 'god' mean to me. And this, too, breaks my heart. Because, if you could see what I see then so much would be different. Or maybe nothing at all....