1:53pm EST Friday and Saturday I leave for orientation at CSU. I'm terrified. I'm terrified because at the last minute I have established a million and one connections here...and now... now it shall be painful. Also, I've never so much as set foot in Columbus, GA. I was supposed to go to Nebraska. Or somewhere equally far away. Where it snows. And... I feel like this whole experience is haphazzard. I talked to the Lighting Director at UNL yesterday. He said that if I had gotten the New Nebraskan Scholarship the school could have doubled it... which would have been more than enough to get me there. *sigh* But, too late now. However, everyone is telling me to look on the brightside and other crap like that. It makes me angry. So angry. I feel like my dreams are dying. My sleep patterns have been off of late. Tonight is possibly the earliest I've been to bed all week. I get enough sleep, the hours are just at odd places in the day. I can't think. College keeps springing into my head. This should be an excited, happy time for me. I'm not, though. ugh. Somehow, I saw this coming. 11:49pm EST I spent the afternoon with TOOMA, Colin and Stephen. Interesting bunch. Entirely too much testosterone and other such misspellings. I spent most of the time in embarrassed silence. I never know just what to say around them. It's a whole different kind of perversion than what I'm used to. *shrug* Also. I got an application to Mellow Mushroom. I fully intend to waitress there (read:I need money). TOOMA wants a webcam. And a telecaster(sp?). And a million and one other things that involve having money at some point. Somehow, I feel as though this webpage is getting too large. I feel dwarfed.