Sunday September 17, 2000 12:34pm EST
I just realized that tomorrow is my mother's birthday. I have no present for her. But then, as I don't have a car, I rarely do.
I'm trying to listen to this 'i have dreams' stuff that TOOMA (i really need to change this name. doesn't fit anylonger. but it's become him. maybe I can just change the meaning. something. god. I don't know) has given me. very screamy. I like the energy. The energy makes me all happy and jumpy. I like the music. The lyrics- I've no idea what they're screaming.
tired. i am. my soul feels constantly exhausted during the week, and on the weekend the feeling transfers to my body. and now. and now i have to start on my homework because i have to go to work at five. oh joy of joys. *sigh* gotta think of the money... have to have money to get my bass. oh. I didn't tell you that, did I? I intend on learning to play bass with TOOMA's help. We'll see how that goes.
Saturday September 16, 2000 3:21pm EST
This journal makes me angry. And I'm thinking of doing away with the entire thing. Already there is so much that I don't type here for fear of people reading it. Which totally destroys the purpose of keeping an online journal. It's about time for a change. Again. Maybe a move.
I need a new gb. The one I have now is on life support constantly. And I'm tired of having to go unlock the different messages. But I'm so terribly lazy and don't want a dreambook. Even though I'm sure I have several accounts floating around out there.
I'm in a dismal, lonely mood. That and I burned my mouth on hot chocolate that I made earlier. I think I'll live, though. I have to work tonight. 6-10:30pm. Joy. ugh. And then again tomorrow from 5-9pm. Gotta keep thinking about the money, girl. As meager as that is. Gotta keep thinking about the money. *sigh*
I'm angry at my writing. I think that's what has put me in a fowl mood. Maybe. Not sure. But presently I think it's ugly. Ugly and horrible and stupid and I want to throw it all away. Because that's how much I hate it right now (and no. that's not an invitation for anyone I know that is reading this to IM me and argue the point). Fah. I'm going now.
Friday September 15, 2000 5:18pm EST
The pants I thought I'd never wear again are 2inches too big in the waist. I am both pleased and distressed by that. I've been losing weight like crazy. And while I don't want to get above 140, the fact that I'm getting to 128 and stuff worries me. I haven't weighed that little sicne 6th and 7th grade. I wonder if I'm sick or something.
I have made a discovery. TOOMA isn't The Object Of My Affection any more. . . or at least not in the sense that I am lusting madly after him. That happens when I become friends with people, I've noticed.
...later. 7:16pm EST
God. Sometimes my family makes me want to gut myself with a spoon. I don't like talking about boys with my family. I don't like talking about anything in my life with my family. Because when they get some little tidbit of information about my life they grab onto it with both hands and twist it into something it's not. God.
Presently a boy just called asking me out. I told him no. I'm tired and I'm sick and I'm cranky and I want to stay home and watch The Dark Crystal. And my parents are all "Ohh a little boy is calling you." THAT is why I never talk to my family. Because they make me ashamed. Not embarrassed, but ashamed. And my father is convinced that I'm dating Myke. Which I'm not. He doesn't understand that Myke is the best guy friend I have.
God. I'm giving myself a headache. I feel like crying. Or something equally distressing. Maybe I should go lay down. I've been like this all afternoon.
Sunday September 10, 2000 2:02am EST
Funny how it's the people that I don't talk about on here the most that are most often at the forefront of my mind. And there is so much that I want to say about someone. To someone... that isn't the person whom I call 'TOOMA'. Only. My affection for TOOMA hasn't changed. And now I'm confused. Only not. If that makes any sense to anyone other than myself. Which I doubt.
...later 10:10am EST
God. They're going to fire me at work. I'm sure of it. I haven't come in the last...geese...four times I was supposed to work. Either because I mixed the days up, or because I had something else and I couldn't come in. Or was sick. *sigh* Quitting is one thing, but being fired is something else entirely.
But I don't want to think about that right now, because it makes my stomach hurt.
I've decided that since I'm not going to work today, I'm going to take a bubble bath. Now.
Saturday September 9, 2000 6:11pm EST
I have been so stressed out of late. So stressed out. About school. About band. About guys...*sigh* Nothing fatal, though. Not yet.
Anywho. I've decided that SARK is right. Naps are good for the soul. I took a two hour one while I was listening to one of my new Joni Mitchell cds, specificlly 'Blue'. Buying music and taking naps always put me into a good mood...unless I fall asleep for too long. Then I get cranky. But, that's okay.
I bought a new Cure cd. Wild Mood Swings.
You can tell that I have really nothing to say when I'm babbling about recent purchases...and other such misspellings.
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