Monday September 4, 2000 6:12pm EST
I was supposed to go to work today. From 10am-5pm or something like that. Only, I didn't. I didn't go in Saturday either. I really like the people, but I'm sick of cleaning bathrooms. I want to quit... but money is nice. *sigh*
I have been attempting to translate lines 1-33 of the Aeneid. So far it's taken me three hours to get up to line 12 and I'm not sure if what I've done is right. I feel like my head is going to explode.
Today has been another typical day at home. fah. Mama was mad at us for something, God only knows what. And then wanted me to get some driving practice in, only I didn't feel like it. Something which, needless to say, made her angier. Crud. That reminds me, I still have to look up a news article for Economics. I shouldn't have complained so much for having no work last week. I've jinxed myself.
Sunday September 3, 2000 11:17pm Est
I'm just about sick to death of the background for this journal. What on earth was I thinking when I chose this?!
Anyhow, I feel much better today. *knock on wood* However, I am sort of dreading going to work tomorrow. fah. I'm getting into the "I want to quit" mode. Something which isn't very good. I mean, technically, I don't have to work. . . considering the fact that my paycheck is next to nothing and my parents pay for all my school stuff anyway. It's just that I like to feel independant. Or something of that sort. Now, if only I could figure out a way to do that without having to clean bathrooms.
I spent today watching various movies from the 80s. I admit it, I'm a John Hughs fanatic. I don't care if The Breakfast Club is a terrible movie and has a trite/cliche plot, I'll sit through the end every time. Does that make me a bad person? I'll give you this though, I won't. . .no. . .can't sit through Valley Girl. Those high-pitched voices followed by vapid conversation and Nicolas(sp?) Cage cast as a punk is FAR too much for me to handle. I didn't make it past the first five minutes or so. . . but that doesn't count the intro where no talking was done. So maybe longer than that.
Going back to the job thing. . . Chapter 11 has a sign outside of their store that says "Now Hiring". Only they aren't. I know because I called and asked about the job. Apparently they only put the sign out so that people would come in and fill out applications so that they could keep them on file. How dissipointing.
Oh man. . . I just remembered that we have CAKE. I'm going to be a bajillion pounds before Labor Day is done with. heh.
Saturday September 2, 2000 2:24pm Est
I'm terribly tired and terribly sick. I think it's a head cold or something awful like that. But I'll live.
I went out shopping for shirts this morning because I cleaned out my closet a couple of weeks ago. I sent all of my shirts that don't fit or I don't like to Good Will or The Kidney Fund or something noble like that. *shrug* I can't remember. Anyhow- While I am quite happy with what I got, there was this really cute, sexy shirt I want really really REALLY badly. And these sparkily blue pants. Only mama wouldn't let me get them (I'd forgotten my checkbook and she didn't want to spend her money on them). So now I have to find someone who will go shopping with me so that I can go back and buy them. God, I wish I had a liscense. And other such misspellings.
I've had little motivation to update lately. I mean, life is good. Other than this bug that I've got. . . Why is it that most of the creative things I do are driven by pain?
I don't know how I'm going to make it through the football game tonight without tissues. *sigh* I hate being sick.
...later 11:41pm EST
miracle of miracles. The football team won. And the band was wretched. fun fun fun.
Friday September 1, 2000 2:26pm EST
I am emotionally exhausted and left with the vauge sense that today has been a bad day. Only I don't know why. I don't think anything bad happened. At least, if it did I don't remember.
this week has left me hollow
I really don't want to have to go to work today until 10:30pm. Not at all. I hope the time passes quickly. Which reminds me that I still have to call them and tell them that I can't come in on Saturday. . . I want to quit. Not because I don't like the job, but because working on weekends when I want to be doing other things isn't fun at all. I'm not making enough money to be worth it at all. At all.
I'm tired of people in general. I just want to sit here quietly. Maybe have a real conversation. Or not. I want my throat not to hurt and for me not to be sick.
Tuesday August 29, 2000 9:14pm EST
I feel lost.
I think I'm trying to get sick...and everytime I say that people look at me oddly and say "TRYING to get sick?" What? No one has ever heard that saying before? fah. I don't know.
I just want to go to bed.
Monday August 28, 2000 3:00pm EST
Ok. Breathe becca...breathe. I never in a million years expected TOOMA to e-mail me back. Not ever ever ever. And I didn't expect him to invite me to a concert. I just thought I was sending something off into a void that may never reach him. . .
only it did
This makes becca a very happy little girl. And because I'm in this mindframe, I don't think I'm going to write any more today.
Sunday August 27, 2000 11:39pm EST
I didn't sleep much at all last night. . .nightmares hit me hard. Which is strange because I haven't had any nightmares in such a long time, only I didn't realize it until last night.
I'm so stressed out. And exhausted. My mind has been thinking constantly about everything and nothing at once and I just need to rest. To not think for a little while. Only, I can't manage that just now. I'm far to restless. To worried. I need something to keep my mind off things. . .I'm going to work on my project some more. Or maybe play cards. Staying online so often isn't doing any good for me at all. Not at all.
...later 2:49pm EST
I finnished my Summer Reading Project, and if I never see another model it will be too soon. *Sigh* I'm glad I got it out of the way, but I'll have to take another shower before I go to work because of it. I'm covered in brown paint and glue and bits of fake grass/shrubery. I hope I make a good grade... after all that work, I better. I feel like it's 6pm and it's only 3. Work should be fun tonight.
I'm so so tired. I'd take a nap, only my mind can't sit still.
Saturday August 26, 2000 6:45pm EST
I have spent most of the day working on my Summer Reading Project for English. A shadow box of Camelot. So far it's looking pretty neat. . .but I'm taking a break because I feel sick. I dusted a little, so that should help.
My father and I are having this war with the fans. He likes to keep the thermostat on 70 degrees. That and he has pulled out this huge fan that used to be in my grandmother's house (because she didn't have AC). He likes it on all the time, along with the ceiling fan. Everytime I walk into a room I have to turn them off because they stir up the dust and hurt my sinus' so badly. And he comes in right behind me and turns them back on. It's never-ending.
Well, despite my reservations, I e-mailed TOOMA. Nothing guishy or anything. Just a note saying 'hi'. Or something of the like. I wonder if he'll ever get it. . .if he even checks his mail at that address any longer. *shrug* I suppose it doesn't matter, though. I mean, it does. . .but the real point is that I sent it. Last year I would have never entertained such a notion. I still find it so amazing how much I've changed this summer. Maybe that's why I can't wait to get out of Georgia. Who knows?
...later 9:29pm EST
I'm weary and in a rambling mood. Which is bad. Well, sort of. I think my rambling is repulsive and annoys people. Or, at least that's been my experience. After I start rambling people tend to grow really quiet and look at me odd. I guess that's repulsion. Or something. *shrug* I don't know.
Sometimes I talk to freely. . . and I nearly gave myself away tonight. I forget about who I'm talking to and say whatever's on my mind. That's what I hate about when I get playful. I start to tease and open myself up to saying things I wouldn't normally say because I think that I'll be taken less seriously when I'm playing around. Only I'm being dead serious. *Sigh* I know I know. This is utterly confusing. I just came from a conversation with my Thespain Friend and I'm utterly confused. Or something. fah it all. I need to think. I'm going now.
Friday August 25, 2000 2:03pm EST
Today was a strange day. Strange, but good. I was talking to this boy in my class named Michael about how he was going into the Navy after graduation. He said that he wanted to do it, but at the same time he was afraid. I told him that everything worth doing had risk, otherwise- why would you do it? I told him that life was risk, be it emotional or physical, and if you spent your time playing it safe you weren't living. A pluse and a hearbeat don't count for anything. He stared at me for a moment and then a slow smile broke across his face as he laughed, and thanked me. Apparently I had helped him come to a decision that had been bothering him for weeks. . . although I still have no idea exactly what it was. He was really greatful, and I'm glad I helped him. All I really did is tell him what TOOMA told me, though.
Speaking of TOOMA, I spent a great deal of today thinking about him. No. That's not true. Only during my conversation with Michael. . . but it still made me sad. Not sad because of what didn't happen, but sad because I'll never see him again. Even if he is still in Conyers. *sigh* Oh well. I wonder if he has any idea of just how much he has changed my life.
Wednesday August 23, 2000 2:32pm EST
Today I won a major battle in my fight to keep things taped to the outside of my locker. I had my friend Tammy bring lots of different pictures from magizines and stuff (eyes, mouths, words, etc.) and we taped them all over my locker, Tammy's locker and Tonya's locker. I didn't go easy on the tape either, those suckers aren't going anywhere. In fact, if someone manages to tear them down after that- then maybe they deserve to. Not that I won't be upset.
Oh. That's right. Have I even told you about my locker battle? There isn't much to tell really, other than the fact that I keep putting pictures and quotes on my locker and someone keeps ripping them down while I'm at lunch. I'm confident, however, that they shall get tired of tearing things down before I get tired of putting them up. heh. We shall see.
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