My Thespian Friend once told me that he had too much trust in people. He trusted people to leave him alone. To give him his space, etc. But they never did. Only, he said it much better than I and with more frustration. For awhile I didn't quite know what to say. After all, I had never heard the word 'trust' used in that sense before. Instead, I heard the word in reference to giving parts of yourself to others. Letting people close...Not when expecting others to keep their distance. I understand how he feels, though. I think. I cannot stand to be smothered. I must have space and freedom and...room to breathe. I don't like feeling obligated to call someone everyday (although, if I have something to say to them or vice versa then I don't see anything wrong with it). I like being able to strike out on my own and not worry if someone will think ill of me because of it. We disscussed this for a little while, my Thespian Friend and I. It was strange talking to him about something with...substance...for once. As amusing and tragicly sweet as I find him, I feel cheated sometimes. Although I don't like that term at all. The connotation(sp?) of it feels wrong. It's just that every time I talk to him I catch this glimmer of something so rich and beautiful and...fragile... all I want to do is drink him in. Only, he is as reserved as I tend to be on occassion. Moreso, really. I don't think he comprehends how beautiful his soul is. I try not to bother him, though. And we talk of small things. Like the moon or movies. He likes The Simpsons. Sometimes I send him e-mails. Long ones that are breathy and full of nothingness. He never e-mails me back. I don't mind, though. Not anymore. As strange as it may sound, there is a kind of comfort to sending your words out into a void. Knowing that they will be read but you will not have to face their consequences...because there are no consequences. They simply are. He tells me that I write beautifully. Sometimes. When the subject comes up. And I tell him how witty he is and how he makes me smile and tilt my head in wonder. Because he does. Funny how one meeting in real life and scores of words on a computer screen can feel so much more...restful...than various other friendships established elsewhere.