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| 2001, September 29, Saturday night 12:45 AM, SNL's season premiere, Miguel came in looking mad. He went to the kitchen. He asked, "Did you ate?" I said, "Pasta." Once again, he didn't believe me. He walked toward the bathroom. He asked, "Did you take a shower? Why haven't you fixed the leak?" I said, "I did. The knobs are so hard to turn." He didn't believe me. He complained, "Yeah. I always fix the leak." He semi fixed the leak. I kidded around, "Why haven't you fix the leak? It was still running." I went in the bathroom. He said, "Leave me alone." I went back to the computer. He stood behind me. i said, "What?" He complained, "You are looking for another man. That is what you do, " he got in the bed, "I really don't care. I don't care." I explained, "I work on the web site all day." I tried to show him. He wouldn't look at the screen. He continued watching SNL! Journal Dates HOME |
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| Gayly Forward I got the "gayly forward" from my gay friend, Chris, in Dallas in the early 1990's. After church one night, Chris was kind enough to take me home in his car. HE doesn't know where I lived. So, I gave him directions to my place. Halfway there, Chris wondered out loud of where we was going. I mentioned, "Don't worry. We are in the right direction. Go straight!" Chris said, "We can't go straight." I just freaked out big time. I didn't noticed the road was being work on. There was no signs at all. I didn't saw car troubles or an car accident, nothing out of the ordinary. I thought he was mistaken. I tried to "straightened him out." "Just go straight, don't turn right or left, just straight," I said. Boy, he told me a whopper! Chris said, "We can't go straight, dear! There was no way possible to go straight." I got confused and lost even more. Hey, I thought I was giving him the RIGHT DIRECTIONS to my place! I hoped I didn't send him down the wrong street! "Hello, I know what I am talking about. I do live in the area. I know which way to go! We must go straight." Chris revealed his gay joke, "We just can't go straight. We need to go GAYLY FORWARD!" At first, it didn't dawn on me. He explained it once more. I finally got the joke. We both laughed. Chris really had me going! It made me to freak out about "GOING STRAIGHT" |
| Gift Givers By Kazz Falcon I wasn't Santa at all I was only a HIV + person What else can I say? I gave people the HIV virus They wanted to be a part of the HIV community They didn't seemed to care at all I gladly gave them what they want No questions ask You could say it's Russian Roulette My penis was the gun Hey, it was their lifes I can't complained, neither they can Sometimes, they paid me money No, I wasn't a prostitute They want HIV at any cost I wasn't making that much on my job I couldn't refuse the money I wouldn't turn down money either It will help me in the long run Whatever works for them, works for me I Slept By Kazz Falcon I slept horrible I kept a horrible secret I wept alone till I told somebody He held me in his arms I'm not bold enough to go at it alone Would my life fold away soon? I could live 10 or 25 more years I shouldn't listen to my fears He's such a dear His comfort warmed my heart I accepted being HIV positive with his help I slept peacefully |
| Bug Chasers By Kazz Falcon I set out to become HIV infected I didn't care how I got the disease I was never big on drugs Sex was the next best thing I had a lot of promiscuous, unsafe sex I was popular at the bathhouses, sex clubs and the sex parties I often had it over five times a week On the weekend, I always lost count I couldn't get sex enough Sex was my whole being It was my main reason to live I lived to be serve by any men at any cost I couldn't stop thinking about it I saw being part of the HIV-AIDS community as a way of belonging I looked forward to that day Everyone has a sense of belonging somewhere My place was with HIV community I mostly seek out "the gift givers" They were HIV + men who knowingly and deliberately infect others I simply don't care about the consequences I celebrated and advertised bareback on the Internet Because I wanted to be HIV infected HIV + people was living longer They often don't show the outside signs of the disease No matter what, life was good at either end |
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