This story contains graphic material unsuitable for minors!
Nick was
grateful that Jarrod remained in his unconscious state as long as he had. Keller and his men vanished leaving him to
handle the aftermath of their vengeance on his own. He wished he’d seen each and everyone of them so their faces
could be burned into his memory. At the
time his only concern was for his brother and he’d watched them all rush from
the scene of the crime. It took forever
to free both of them from the shackles and Nick blanched at the mangled flesh
beneath the metal of Jarrod’s wrists.
Gathering what medical supplies he could find, he carried Jarrod to the
spring and patiently cleaned him of all the foulness, blood and grime. He couldn’t help the tears that fell as he
carefully bound Jarrod’s wrists and wrapped his ribs. Keller had been very thorough, and there wasn’t much of Jarrod
that wasn’t covered in bruises. Nick
found a spare pair of pants and shirt among the stuff left behind by the
quickly departing men, and dressed Jarrod in the cleanest clothes he’d had in a
week. They hung loosely on his leaner
frame, but they hid a multitude of sins.
With no
horse to get them back to town, Nick considered his options. He couldn’t carry his brother all the away
to town, and none of his injuries seemed life threatening so Nick decided he
was best off just to wait for Heath to show up. His first order of business was to move outside the mine. The fresh air would do them both some good,
and Nick didn’t want Jarrod waking up thinking he was still a prisoner. A large stand of trees outside the entrance
provided them with shelter and a nearby stream gave them fresh water. Nick pulled a mattress from the mine, giving
Jarrod a more comfortable surface to sleep on rather than the cold hard ground.
Nick’s
own hand ached and he’d had to clean and bandage it at the same time he’d done
Jarrod’s injuries. He suspected it was
infected and after settling Jarrod, he leaned into the tree behind him and
tried to stay awake. The stress of it
all and lack of sleep soon caught up with him and his eyes drifted shut despite
his best efforts. When he startled
himself awake some time later, his eyes wandered to Jarrod and he realized his
brother was no longer unconscious, but staring at him with frightened blue
eyes. Leaning forward, he instinctively
reached out to calm him, but his gesture had the opposite effect. Jarrod’s eyes widened in terror and he tried
to move away but his injuries were too debilitating. He only managed to make it to his knees and elbows before the
pain won out and his head dropped back onto the mattress. His whole body
trembled with fear, and he watched helplessly as Nick reached out to reassure
him, “It’s alright Jarrod. You’re safe now.”
Without
thinking, Nick dropped a comforting hand on Jarrod’s shoulder and was stunned
by his brother’s reaction. A
frightening scream rent the air as Jarrod’s hands desperately batted away the
ones touching him, his movements and breathing frenzied. The pain caught up
with him quickly and with no other options in his fragile mind, Jarrod curled
up in a tight ball and covered his head with his hands trying to make himself
as small as possible. Nick was stunned
as he heard the pathetic whimpers of pure fear come from his older
brother. Sitting back on his haunches,
Nick sat in disbelief and utter despair at what Keller had done to his brother. His thoughts returned to Jarrod as he lay
cowering before him, chest heaving for air and panicked sweat beading on his
skin as tears streamed down his face.
Even as he shook, Nick could see Jarrod’s muscles tense with fear. Distraught, Nick’s half whispered, “I won’t
touch you, big brother.” His eyes
filled with tears and his words were spoken with a firm resolve as he added,
“Ain’t nobody gonna touch you, I promise.”
Jarrod
dropped one of his arms and watched Nick cautiously, his breathing hard and
fast as his pain glazed eyes followed every move Nick made. When Nick made no attempt to move any
closer, Jarrod lost some of the stiffness in his posture and began to relax,
but his eyes remained alert to any sign of danger. He refused to let the exhaustion and pain overtake him, afraid of
what would happen if he slept.
Nick went
about fixing something to eat, making sure it was anything but beans. Handing Jarrod a plate, he saw the rigidness
return to his frame with the mounting fear and he set the plate down before
backing away. Keeping a safe distance,
he sighed in frustration as Jarrod ignored the food put before him. With deliberate actions, Nick stood and
picking up the canteen poured out the water right in front of Jarrod and walked
to the stream. Rinsing it out so Jarrod
would see, he refilled it and returned to his brother’s side. Kneeling there despite Jarrod’s increasing
anxiety to his proximity, he filled a cup and left it, and the canteen before
taking his seat nearby. Jarrod pulled the canteen under him, almost
protectively. He looked at Nick warily
and then his eyes darted to the water before him. His throat was parched and raw, and he couldn’t recall the last
time he’d had decent water. Licking his
lips, the dryness of his mouth and tongue did nothing to relieve the need and
he reached out a shaky hand and grasped the cup. His shaking nearly spilled it, and he lifted up on one elbow
enough to slosh some of its contents into his mouth. Drinking greedily, he ignored Nick’s warning to take it slow and
only stopped when the contents of the cup were gone. Nick watched with satisfaction, thankful that Jarrod still
trusted him enough to at least take water from him. It wasn’t much, but it was more than he could have hoped for at
this point. Jarrod remained silent,
but his eyes begged for more and Nick was hard pressed to refuse, “Not right
now. Let’s make sure that settles
first.”
Nick
wasn’t sure if Jarrod was listening as he slumped back down on the mattress,
his eyes fighting to close. Taking in
his tired features, Nick spoke to him as if Jarrod understood everything,
trying to calm him with his gentle tone, “Try to sleep.” Shaking his head sadly when Jarrod refused,
he continued speaking in hushed tones hoping his brother would eventually understand
that he wasn’t a threat. The dark,
wild look in Jarrod’s eyes was unnerving and Nick was grateful, when after
several hours, Jarrod finally slipped back into sleep.
**************
Heath and
J.T. sat in Klamath waiting for the arrival of the men. Instead of wasting
three or four days traveling home, he’d wired the ranch explaining the
situation and asked for every available man.
The days spent in town were anxious ones, after he realized his brothers
hadn’t been as fortunate as he and J.T.. Heath didn’t dare leave the boy for
even a minute and he agonized over what was happening to his brothers. Going to the sheriff had been a waste of
time and effort. Even telling him that
he’d witnessed his brother’s kidnapping and subsequent torture, the sheriff
refused to stand up to Keller, saying no amount of money was worth facing a
madman with nothin’ ta live for. Heath
stormed out of the office with J.T. in tow, worried about what he would find
when they finally made a raid on the mine.
So on the fourth day of his vigil, Heath was sitting at the only
restaurant in town having lunch with J.T..
The boy was worried about his father, but at five he didn’t comprehend
the gravity of the situation. He only
knew that his papa and Uncle Nick weren’t with them. Heath offered reassurances that only a five-year-old would find
comforting.
Sitting
at the window eating dinner, J.T. suddenly stood in his seat and hollered,
“Mama!” Before Heath could even turn,
J.T. leaped off his chair and was headed towards the door. Heath barely snagged his shirt before he
rushed headlong into the street amidst the approaching horses. Looking up as they stopped before him,
Heath smiled at all the familiar faces and rushed forward to help Ruth from her
horse. J.T. didn’t even wait for her
feet to hit the ground before flying into her warm embrace. Heath acknowledged the twenty odd riders all
of them grinning, some even wiping tears at the tender moment between mother
and son. Ruth was openly crying as she
picked up J.T. and held him tightly, afraid he would vanish if she let him
go. J.T. had his arms wound tightly
around her neck, his head buried in her neck.
Heath wrapped a protective and comforting arm around both and placed a
gentle kiss on Ruth’s temple before leading the pair to the hotel. “Glad to see ya Ruth. Let’s get you two to the hotel.”
Ruth
nodded with a tear stained face, happy one moment and anxious the next as she
stopped Heath’s progress with a hand on
his arm, “Jarrod?”
Heath’s
eyes filled with sorrow and he shook his head sadly, “Keller took him five days
ago.”
Her tears
began anew, and Heath reached out his arms to J.T. to take him from her.
Reluctant to leave his mother, J.T. held on tighter. Heath grasped the boy’s waist, “Come on, yer gettin' to big for
your mama to hold for too long.” Pulling
back in his Mother’s arms, J.T. waited for Ruth to nod her head before going to
his uncle. Holding the boy in one arm while his other supported his shaky
sister-in-law, Heath took them both up to their room. Setting J.T. on the floor, he went to sit in his mother’s lap as
soon as Ruth sat down. Heath poured
Ruth some water and pulled another chair closer to hers as he handed her the
glass. Ruth drank deeply, then sighed,
“Tell me.”
Heath
glanced at J.T., and his expression turned solemn, “Me and Nick found him in
the mine on Keller’s property. We got
him and J.T., but Keller and his men caught up with us. I didn’t want to leave
them, but Jarrod wanted J.T. safe.” Heath hung his head at the memory, “I’m
sorry, Ruth.”
“You did
the right thing. Jarrod would never
forgive himself if something had happened to J.T..” Ruth hugged J.T. and Heath
saw tears welling in her eyes her thoughts obviously turning towards Jarrod.
Shaking
his head, Heath took her hand, “Will you be alright here?” I need to get going
with the men.” Ruth nodded and Heath took that as his cue to leave. “I’m gonna leave a couple men to keep an eye
out on you. You need anything, you let
them know.” Heath squatted down in
front of his nephew and flashed him a grin, “You take care of your Mama, ya
hear?”
J.T.
nodded, “You gonna bring my Papa home, Uncle Heath?”
“You
bet,” Heath tried to sound more optimistic than he felt. He would bring his brothers home, of that he
had no doubt, he just wondered what kind of condition they’d be in when he
found them. He’d sat in town since his
escape worried what Keller was doing and his mind was riddled with guilt at
having left them behind. J.T.’s welfare
was the most important thing, he knew that, but it didn’t erase the fact that
the fate of his brothers was unknown.
The next
morning, as the sun broke the horizon, twenty six riders advanced on the
mine. Jarrod jerked awake at the sound
of thundering hoofs and he bolted upright despite the pain. Nick was waking too and when he saw Heath leading
the riders, he quickly got to his feet with a big grin on his face. Glancing sideways at Jarrod, he immediately
lost the smile. Jarrod was scurrying
away from camp, stumbling several times before he found refuge amongst the
rocks near the mine entrance. As Jarrod had run for cover, Nick couldn’t miss
the terror in his brother’s eyes or the gun in his hand. Hurrying after Jarrod in a crouched run, he
turned back towards Heath and yelled, “STAY BACK!! YOU’RE SCARIN’ HIM!”
Heath was
clearly confused and he was fixing to dismount when a shot was fired, hitting
one of the men in the arm. Nick
watched in horror as the men pulled their guns, ready to fire on the unknown
assailant. Turning back towards them,
Nick waved them off frantically and shouted, “Don’t shoot! It’s Jarrod. Just
get out of here!”
Keeping
low, Heath joined Nick in the rocks,
his concern evident. “What’s happening Nick?”
Tilting
his head towards the rocks, Nick told him, “He’s in there somewhere. All the
men spooked him and he took off.”
As Nick
started to edge forward, Heath placed a hand on his arm and asked reluctantly,
“How is he?”
Nick’s
eyes closed briefly and he shook his head, “We have to get to him, before he
hurts somebody.” They crouched low,
moving in and out of the rocks until they found Jarrod slumped against a large
boulder, the gun resting in his lap. As
they approached his head shot up and the gun came to bear on them, stopping
them dead in their tracks. Their
brother was sweating profusely as his eyes darted between them, the pistol
wavering under his waning strength and increasing pain.
Heath
took a step forward, but was stopped by Nick’s firm hand on his chest. Dropping on one knee, Nick was level with
Jarrod as he spoke softly, “Put the gun down, Jarrod. We’re here to help
you.” It took all his willpower not to
reach out to Jarrod. The need to do something...anything...to take away the
panic that was building in his brother was overwhelming. Heath took another step forward and Jarrod
jerked the gun at him, his eyes wide and alert. Nick shot Heath a warning look, holding him in place and he
turned his attention back to Jarrod, “He’s not gonna hurt you. Nobody is gonna hurt you. Please, Jarrod,
put the gun down.”
Shaking
his head, Jarrod pressed farther away from them and pleaded in a small
childlike voice, “I can’t go back. I
won’t let them take me again.” Heath
and Nick were alarmed by the anguish in Jarrod’s voice. He clearly wasn’t in the here and now and
Nick tried to reach him, “It’s over Jarrod. Keller is gone. He won’t hurt you
anymore.” For the first time, Jarrod’s
eyes locked onto Nick’s and he actually seemed to be seeing him instead of a
face to fear. The gun in his hand
slowly dropped to the dirt beside him and Nick let out the breath he was
holding. He reached forward, cautiously removing the gun from Jarrod’s
reach. Heath moved to embrace Jarrod
and Nick reacted instantly, practically slamming into him to keep him from
touching Jarrod, who was already breathing dangerously fast at the unknown
threat. Heath was about to ask Nick
what his problem was when he looked up to see Jarrod’s face lose all color and
his eyes rolled skyward. Squirming from under Nick’s bulk, Heath tried to reach
for Jarrod as he fell, but was too late and he watched as he slipped sideways
and land in the dirt with a thud.
“Jarrod!” Scrambling to his brother’s side, Heath
stomach lurched at all the bandaged wrists and bruising.
Nick’s eyes closed briefly against Heath’s
reaction and dropped his hand to his arm, getting his attention, “Let’s get him
back. It’ll be easier now he’s
out.” Heath nodded sadly.
They
carefully lifted Jarrod and carried his battered body back to camp. Nick quickly filled Heath in on what had
happened and it weighed heavy on the blond man’s heart to hear of the abuse
Jarrod had taken, and he was certain Nick wasn’t telling him everything. Easing
Jarrod onto the mattress, Heath stood and walked to the group of men that
lingered at the periphery of the trees.
Singling out his foreman, he spoke in low tones, “Duke, I need ya to go
back to town and bring back a wagon.
Give the men some time in town and then send them home. We won’t be
needin’ ‘em no more.”
Duke
nodded, wanting more information on Jarrod, but afraid that now wasn’t the
time, “Sure, Heath. I’ll be back as quick as I can.” Walking towards his horse, Duke hesitated, then turned back. Tilting his head at Heath, he lifted an
inquiring eyebrow, “You want me ta bring Ruth back with me? She’s gonna wanna
come.”
Heath
shook his head, “No, not yet.” He
didn’t know if he was doing the right thing or not, but he didn’t have the
whole story from Nick yet and he wasn’t sure just how safe it was to be around
Jarrod. He seemed mighty unpredictable
and Heath didn’t want Ruth to be in any danger. Jarrod would never forgive them if he inadvertently hurt Ruth. It
was better for the time being to keep the possibility of injury to himself and
Nick rather than involve Ruth. Heath
hoped that Nick could enlighten him about the last four days before Duke got
back with the wagon. With a heavy heart
and a deep sigh he joined Nick where Jarrod lay unconscious on the mattress.
Jarrod
was still out when Heath knelt at his side, and he watched Nick tend his wrists
until he realized for the first time that Nick’s own hand was bandaged. Looking up into his brother’s face, Heath
could see the sheen of perspiration and the flush of infection. “You sick, big brother?”
Nick
lifted his head slowly and gazed at him. Heath’s suspicions were confirmed by
the glazed look in his brother’s eyes and he took over Jarrod’s care despite
Nick’s protests. Nick tried to argue,
but it was a weak reply, “I got it.”
Pushing
Nick’s hands away, Heath could feel the warmth emanating from his brother and
insisted, “Let me do this. When I’m
done, I’m gonna take a look at yer hand.”
As he worked, Heath blinked back tears, quickly finishing with Jarrod’s
wrists, both to spare him any more pain than was necessary and to cover the
nasty wounds as soon as possible.
Turning
his attention to Nick, Heath met with his brother’s stubbornness. Nick tried to
pull his hand from Heath’s grasp as he grumbled, “I’m fine. Don’t worry ‘bout me.”
“Ya got a
fever started, Nick.” Heath laid his hand on Nick’s back and was immediately
concerned when Nick winced and dropped his shoulder away from the contact. Ignoring it for now, Heath unwrapped Nick’s
hand and could see the redness of infection had set into the wound. Turning it over, he was startled to find the
exact wound on the top of his hand.
Looking up at Nick, he questioned him, “Knife?”
Nick
nodded his head and spoke firmly, “Just clean it out and get it wrapped. I’ll
be fine.” He’d managed to put his own
injuries aside, but they were wearing him down.
“And yer
back?”
“It’s
nothin’. Just sore is all.” Nick’s
response was distant as his eyes wandered to Jarrod’s still form and he
wondered how his brother had found the strength to flee earlier. His own lashings were minor compared to
Jarrod’s and yet his back ached clear to the bone. It didn’t seem right complaining when Jarrod was hurt so badly,
but his own injuries were slowly taking away his stamina. The infection in his hand was getting worse,
making him feverish and his back throbbed all the time.
Seeing
Nick hurt, added to Heath’s guilt at having left his brothers behind. It was
eating away at him and he needed answers, “Mind if I have a look for myself?”
Nick
pushed Heath’s prying hands away and snapped, “I said I was fine.” He immediately felt contrite for his
outburst and scrubbing his hands through his hair, Nick sighed heavily, “I’m
sorry.” Turning away, he concentrated on making Jarrod more comfortable. Heath
reached out and gently patted Nick’s arm before rising to his feet. Giving Nick some time to gather himself, he
went to his saddlebags and grabbed the flask of whiskey he’d brought
along. Nick needed no encouragement as
he took a few sips and let the smooth liquid burn a fire to his stomach. Handing it back to Heath, he gave him a half
smile, “Thanks.”
“Yer
looking pretty peaked there, big brother. Why don’t you try and get some
rest? It’ll be a while ‘fore Duke gets
back with the wagon.” Nick shifted
closer to the tree and leaned back gingerly, his eyes never leaving
Jarrod. Despite exhaustion and fever,
sleep was impossible and he found himself talking in hushed tones with
Heath.
Jarrod
lay motionless, awareness slow in surfacing as he listened to his brothers as
they spoke, their words drifting in and out of his mind never settling long for
him to grasp onto their meaning. All
he could think of was the pain. His
entire body screamed for relief from the onslaught of throbbing that
intensified with his awakening. He
wanted to forget, make it all go away.
His own mind shifted to the past four days and an involuntary shudder
passed over him. There was no way to
forget that he’d been broken. That Keller had done what he’d set out to
do. Weeks of mind games culminated in
one shattering moment that Jarrod would never forget. For all his bravado about never having to suffer such humiliation
again, it had happened despite his best efforts and with it came the terror
that had him trembling even now. He had
neglected the warning six years ago and because of that he had been forced to
endure the lesson all over again, only this time he’d been pushed over the edge
of his endurance.
As his
body gave into the pain and he drifted back into the darkness, his subconscious
mind began to work on protecting its owner. Deep inside, the mind knew that the
body would never be able to go the distance again and it needed protection.
Protection from the pain and humiliation. Protection from Keller and his sick
sense of justice. The mind will often
do what is necessary for survival, right or wrong, often leaving the man behind
it with no say in what takes place. In
this case, it wasn’t a rational decision or even a conscious one, but rather
one that would ensure Jarrod would be able to deal with Keller’s latest round
of punishment. It was a tenuous
survival at best, but it would be for the best and would relieve Jarrod of the
overwhelming terror, at least for the time being.
It was
four hours before Duke returned with the wagon and Nick and Heath both reacted
with alarm when Jarrod startled and tried to move. Laying on his stomach, he tried to get his knees and elbows under
him but could do no more. His face was
clenched tightly with the agony of moving and he stayed motionless simply
trying to breath through the pain.
Jarrod’s eyes no longer held the earlier fear, only the pain he was
suffering. His heart raced and his breathing increased while sweat soaked into
his clothes as he struggled once more to rise.
He simply didn’t have the strength to get up on his own and Nick’s voice
broke the agonizing silence, “Jarrod. We’re gonna get you in the wagon.
Alright?”
Jarrod
gave his consent with a barely discernable nod of his head unable to shake the
feeling of dread at having to move.
Nick and Heath both moved in, one on each side and helped Jarrod stand
while Duke transferred the mattress into the wagon. Jarrod stood between his brothers, his trembling unabated and if
not for their support his knees would have buckled from the pain. Every step
towards the wagon was agony, and Jarrod finally had to do it on his own. His body was so tender and sore from the
beatings that even the slightest touch was painful. The force required to hold him up was more excruciating than
walking on his own so he shrugged from their grasp with a shake of his head and
made his way towards the wagon. He
stepped gingerly and grimaced with pain, and was almost to the wagon when his
legs gave out and he dropped to his knees.
Nick and Heath stood anxiously close to him, their hands at ready in
case Jarrod needed help, their anguish plain as they’d watched him
struggling. Jarrod’s hands clenched
the material at his thighs as his body shook with the pain of his efforts while
his chest heaved for air. Lifting a
very shaky hand, Jarrod wiped away the tears that mingled with the sweat on his
face, embarrassed that his brothers were witness to his suffering.
Nick
crouched over him, desperate to do something, “Let us help ya, big brother.”
Jarrod
shook his head. Setting a hand on the
ground, he used it for leverage and managed to get his feet under him. As darkness swept up to send him crashing to
the ground, his two caretakers lifted him gently in their arms and carried him
the final feet to the wagon. Both
brothers sighed in relief when Jarrod lost consciousness. Settling him in the wagon, they sat with
him, letting Duke drive. Despite how
difficult it was to see their oldest brother in such a state, they needed him
close, hoping that their presence was at least somewhat of a reassurance to
him. The ride to town was a quiet one,
both of them contemplating Jarrod’s fate, vowing to do whatever it took to see
him through this nightmare.
****
The first
stop once they arrived in town was the doctor’s office. Jarrod and Nick both needed their injuries
tended. Nick was sweating more and more
from the building fever and Heath feared Jarrod would need stitches to some of
the cuts on his wrists. Jarrod didn’t
stir even when they lifted him from the wagon and they got him settled inside
with no trouble. Heath made sure both
his brothers were being looked after before sending Duke to find Ruth and J.T.
Duke
escorted both of them to the office a short time later. At a pointed look from Heath, Duke dropped
on one knee to talk to J.T. “What do you say you and me go check on the horses,
and get that wagon unhitched?” J.T.
brightened, but his smile faded when he remembered what he was there for, “I
wanna see my Papa.”
Heath
chimed in, “He’s seeing the doctor right now, J.T. It’s gonna be while ‘fore he
can see anyone.”
Tears
built behind the little eyes and the boy asked, “Is he hurt bad, Uncle Heath?”
With a
heavy sigh, Heath picked up J.T. and sat down with him in his lap. He looked at Ruth, who nodded her consent,
trusting her brother-in-law to find the right thing to say. Ruth dropped her hand on his shoulder and
Heath looked up at her then tilted his head towards the back room. Squeezing his shoulder, she kissed J.T. and
anxiously went in search of her husband.
Heath turned his attention to the five-year-old in his lap and gave him
a tight grin, “You remember the bad man that took you?” J.T. nodded sadly, and
Heath continued, “Well, he wanted to hurt your Pa cause he thought he’d done
something bad to him.” The boys eyes
widened as tears fell and Heath hurried to reassure him, “Yer Pa didn’t do
nothin’ wrong but right now he is real sore from the things they done to him. I
know it’s gonna be hard but yer gonna have to be real careful not to touch him
for a while.” Heath was hoping that
explanation would solve both problems in one fell swoop and he added, “He might
seem a little different cause of how bad he feels.”
J.T.
frowned at the thought of his father being any different than what he
remembered, “Is he still my Papa?”
Heath
flashed him a smile, “He’ll always be your Papa.” He paused, trying to come up with a way for J.T. to understand
what Jarrod was going through. “You know how when I found you, how scared you
were?”
“Um uh.”
“Well,
yer Pa is a little scared to. He’s
worried just like you that maybe it could happen again.”
J.T.
pouted and said indignantly, “My Papa ain’t scared o’ nothin’.”
Hugging
his nephew for his proud stance, Heath grinned, “Ain’t a man alive that ain’t
been scared a somethin’ one time or another, J.T. He’s hurtin’ a lot from what he went through and you need to be
careful ‘round him, that’s all.” Heath
wasn’t sure how to address Jarrod’s fear.
He hoped that it wouldn’t apply to J.T., but it was way too early to
tell just what the ramifications of the abuse would be in the long run. Right now, all J.T. needed to know was that
his father might not be the same because of the pain of his injuries. He’d have to let Ruth determine just how
much J.T. was capable of understanding.
Nodding,
J.T. dragged his shirtsleeve across his nose and sniffled, “Can I see him?”
“I reckon
Duke here could use some help first.
Well see what the Doc says when ya come back. How does that sound?”
“’kay.”
J.T. jumped from his uncle’s lap and took the outstretched hand of Duke, who
passed a brief nod to Heath as he headed out the door.
Ruth
followed the sound of voices and found her way to the back of the small
house. She couldn’t stop the gasp as
she entered the small examination room and saw Jarrod lying on his stomach, the
swollen muscle of his back and thighs a deep purple. Her hand went to her mouth, and she cried out softly, “Oh no!”
Nick
turned at the sound, and saw his sister-in-law pale at the sight. Afraid she
would faint, he hurried from his own bed to meet her. After a cursory examination of Jarrod, the doctor insisted on treating
Nick’s infected hand first. With a
thorough cleaning, that had Nick gritting his teeth, the doctor applied salve
to draw out the infection and wrapped it up. Nick had been watching the doctor
take care of Jarrod’s wrists when Ruth entered. Guiding her to a chair,
he helped her sit and they both took up the silent vigil as the doctor
tended to Jarrod. Heath joined them as
the doctor was stitching up the worst of the abrasions. Jarrod lay still, unmoving, and the doctor
was able to repair and bandage his wrists fairly quickly with such a willing
patient. Finding nothing else that he
could do, he insisted that his two patients needed food and rest more than
anything. Jarrod was dehydrated, but
that wasn’t as uncommon as the doctor might believe. Too many times in the past six years, they’d had to watch Jarrod
slake his thirst at the end of a day when he’d forgotten his own water.
Heath
stood at Ruth’s side, mirroring Nick and asked, “How long before we can move
him?”
The
doctor shook his head, “Normally I’d say a couple weeks. He’s going to be sore
at least that long. I know you folks aren’t from here and you want to get him
home. I’d say as long as you can keep
him comfortable, there’s no reason for him to stay here. He’s going to be uncomfortable no matter
where he’s at. If you insist on going,
I can give you something for his pain.
It might make the journey a little easier for him.” He handed them the laudanum with a warning,
“Use it sparingly.”
Heath
took the bottle, “Thanks Doc.”
Turning
to Nick, the doctor handed him a tin of salve and some powders, “Use that every
time you change the bandages. The powders will help with the fever. You need to
lie down before you fall down.”
Nick only
nodded as he took the offered items.
His hand was throbbing from all the poking and prodding and he could
feel the fever in his eyes. He needed
to sleep. Five days he’d had little or
no sleep and having Jarrod in someone else’s care relieved him of the burden,
enough so that his body was beginning to rebel against the abuse it had
taken. Heath watched as Nick’s eyes
began to flutter, and only barely stepped around Ruth fast enough to catch him
on the way down. With some help from
the doctor, they managed to get him onto the bed next to Jarrod’s. The peaceful looks on the two men’s faces as
they slept were a far cry from the anguished expressions they wore not long
ago, and Heath was grateful their peacefulness lasted until J.T. had a chance
to see his father. Ruth held J.T. for a
long time while they watched Jarrod sleep and as the little boy drifted off,
Heath took him in his own arms.
Ruth
glanced sideways at Heath and could see the worry and concern in his eyes. Her hand reached out and grasped his
forearm, grabbing his attention. “I need to know, Heath.”
Heath
stared at his brothers as they slept but his eyes were unseeing. He struggled
to find the words to tell Ruth all that Jarrod had suffered, at least what he
knew of it. Nick had tried to tell him,
but the damage inflicted was still too fresh in his brother’s mind and
retelling the horror became impossible.
He’d gotten enough from Nick to understand Jarrod’s behavior, the rest
he could pretty much figure out on his own based on Nick’s reaction. The only way to relate what he knew was to
keep his voice in a hushed monotone, or else he’d have too much trouble getting
the words out. Only when he finished
did he turn towards Ruth. Her tears
fell unchecked and Heath found no words of reassurance, only the truth. His words were strangled as he voiced his
own fears, “He’s not the same man he was when you saw him a week ago. Keller did what he finally set out to do. He
broke him and I don’t know if we can get him back this time.”
The next
morning Duke had the wagon loaded with the mattress and a pile of pillows
hoping it would help ease Jarrod’s discomfort.
It had taken them three days on horseback to go from Sacramento to
Klamath. The return journey with the wagon would take at least twice as
long. Nick was barely awake as they moved
him to the wagon and then Jarrod.
Neither man resisted the move, reflecting the exhaustion they were
feeling. Ruth and J.T. joined the pair
in the back of the wagon while Heath drove. He ignored his own fatigue,
grateful to finally be doing something.
Even with Nick’s assurance that Keller was no longer a threat, Duke
insisted on an armed guard of four riders. The other men had started home
yesterday, leaving the wagon in Duke’s care.
The family was finally together and he refused to take a chance, no
matter how remote it was, that he would fail when entrusted with their
safety.
Jarrod
hadn’t woken since they’d left the mine and they were all beginning to
worry. The doctor assured them that it
was his body’s way of recovering and it would waken when it was ready. His only concern was Jarrod’s dehydration
and he insisted they make sure he take plenty of liquids when he did finally
come around. Nick’s fever was still low
grade and the doctor was confident it wouldn’t get any worse now that the wound
had been properly treated. All their
injuries were cleaned and rebandaged before they left Klamath for the long trip
home.
He came
to consciousness slowly, his body’s aches and pains making it a reluctant
return to awareness. Ruth could see his
eyes fluttering behind closed lids and she waited anxiously to see the blueness
looking back at her. She needed to know
how he was doing and only his eyes would tell her the truth. Jarrod’s pain glazed eyes slowly opened and
Ruth sighed her relief at the calmness that lie there, despite the obvious pain
he was in. The fear and terror that
Heath had told her about seemed to be gone.
He seemed to be trying to focus and Ruth carefully reached out and took
up his hand in her own, “Shh. It’s okay Jarrod. You’re safe now.”
Sweat
beaded on his face, and his voice came out a mere whisper, “Water.”
Ruth
looked for the canteen and was surprised when Nick handed it to her. He’d been sleeping soundly only minutes
before. Taking the canteen, she spoke
tenderly to Jarrod, “Can you turn a little so you can drink?”
Jarrod
tried to move but could only manage a groan. Nick settled next to him and
gently rolled him enough to get a drink.
Jarrod drank greedily, and Ruth pulled the canteen back several times
before he finally had his fill.
Exhausted and hurting from the effort, he let Nick help him lie down
again. Just before he dozed off he muttered, “Thank you.”
Ruth
watched him sleep and brushed the stray strands of hair back in place, her
fingers lingering on his cheek as she blinked back tears. Nick reached out to
comfort her with a hand on her arm, “Are you okay?”
Lifting
her head, Ruth gave him a weak smile, but could only nod at her
brother-in-law’s concern. His own eyes
reflected her own worry for Jarrod and he acknowledged her unsaid words with a
tight smile and a small bow of his head.
Nick took the canteen from Ruth and took a long drink of his own, the
fever making him thirsty. Noticing his
fevered brow, Ruth asked worriedly, “How you doing, Nick?”
Nick waved
off her concern, “I’ll be fine.”
Ruth eyed
him with skeptically, “You are not fine. You’re running a fever and judging by
your reluctance to use your hand, I’d say you were in a considerable amount of
pain. You need to rest.” She raised her eyebrows daring him to refute her
statement.
“Yes
ma’am.” Nick ducked his head shyly and slumped back on to the mattress beside
Jarrod. His bad hand rested on his
chest and Ruth didn’t miss the grimace of pain as he tried to get comfortable
lying on his back.
“Nick?”
His voice
was muffled as he answered Ruth, “Um?”
Her voice
dropped as she asked with a hesitant curiosity, “Is the pain bad?”
Nick knew
why she was asking and he had no answer to satisfy her. She was concerned for him, but more so for
Jarrod’s level of pain. If he told her
no it wasn’t bad, she’d know he lied.
If he told her the truth, it would only make her worry for Jarrod
worse. He was caught in a no win
situation. Sighing heavily, he tilted
his head towards her and said sympathetically, “I know it’s hard to see him in
so much pain Ruth, but at least he’s here with us now. We’ll do what we have to make him as
comfortable as possible. At least he’s
sleeping through most of it.”
Ruth’s
eyes drifted to Jarrod, and she said sadly, “For now. What happens when he comes around? We still have a week of
traveling.” Her voice broke as she continued, “I just hate to see him suffer
any more. He’s been through so much already.”
“I don’t
want to see him suffer any more either Ruth. He’s been through enough to last a
lifetime.” Rolling onto his side, Nick
eyes became distant, “I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I only made it
worse...” His voice drifted off and his
own guilt was apparent in his features.
“If it
wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. Keller was determined to see this
through. I doubt your presence made any difference to the man. He was willing to go to any lengths to see
that Jarrod pay for his sister’s situation.”
Nick
looked at Ruth and huffed, “The man actually seemed sorry for what he’d
done.” Ruth looked at him with
astonishment and Nick elaborated, “When one of his men was fixing to...um...”
Nick couldn’t say it, couldn’t bring up the words that would describe the
horrible memory and his eyes misted over as he spoke, “he was gonna make Jarrod
go through it all over again. Jarrod was terrified. I’ve never seen a man look
so scared. Keller saw it too and he
shot his own man to put an end to it.” Nick’s tears were unstoppable now and his
voice wavered, “Oh god, I couldn’t do anything.” He rolled to his stomach and buried his head in his arm, letting
the guilt and grief consume him.
Heath had
been listening to the conversation and immediately stopped the horses. After
tying off the reins he climbed over the seat and kneeled over Nick, placing a
hand on his brothers back. His other
hand grabbed Nick’s and Heath felt it being squeezed tightly as his brother
released some of his demons. There was
still a lot of healing to be done, but this was a start. Nick was never one to hold things in like
him or Jarrod, and Heath knew it was just a matter of time before his brother
had to share with someone. He was glad
that Jarrod and J.T. didn’t have to witness it, saving Nick from having to explain. Ruth already had enough of the story to
understand and she watched Heath consoling Nick with quiet reassurances. Her own hand reached for her husband’s and
she wondered if and when Jarrod would allow himself the same healing somewhere
in the future.
Nick’s
torment ebbed away and he wiped his tears, embarrassed by his outburst, but
feeling better for it. He dropped his
head back onto the mattress and muttered, “I’m sorry.”
Heath
gently squeezed his arm, “Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for big brother.”
Lifting
his head to look at Ruth, he found her soft features granting him forgiveness
as well and he let out the breath he didn’t realized he’d been holding. Ruth reached across Jarrod’s back and patted
Nick’s hand with a warm smile on her face, “Get some rest. You look
terrible.”
“Thanks,”
smirked Nick, his accompanying smile belied his feigned annoyance and spoke
more about her genuine concern.
All the commotion woke up J.T. and he rubbed
his eyes with the back of his hands, getting out the sleep that had gathered in
the corner of his eyes. With a half
yawn, he asked innocently, “What’s going on?”
Heath helped him out from under the seat,
“How ‘bout you climb up on the seat and help me drive?”
J.T.’s
eyes widened and he looked to his mother for permission. When she nodded her head, the boys face
broke out in a big grin and he couldn’t climb over the seat fast enough, “Come
on Uncle Heath.”
Cuffing
him playfully, Heath teased, “Mind your manners.”
The boys
eyes dropped and he sighed, “Yes, sir.”
Nudging
him as he sat down, Heath ordered the boy, “Grab them reins, we ain’t got all
day.”
J.T.
grinned from ear to ear, “Yes, sir!”
Ruth
shook her head and was thankful for Heath’s intervention. J.T. was a good boy,
but boredom was going to be a big factor in the days to come. Being confined to a wagon with two sick men
would be hard for an adult, let alone an energetic five-year-old. Ruth leaned back against the side of the
wagon and pulled out a book she’d brought along to read. It took her some time to concentrate on the
words and not the memory of Jarrod’s deep blue eyes and the pain she’d seen
behind them. Eventually her mind found
some relief in the pages of her book only to be interrupted several hours later
by Jarrod’s restless sleep.
Uncomfortable on his stomach, he’d tried rolling over but was stopped by
the pain his movements brought to his aching body. He woke up and looked around groggily, asked for water and went
back to sleep. Each time he woke, Ruth
tended to his needs and he thanked her before drifting back to sleep.
Nick was
up off and on throughout the day and was as ready as any of them to get out of
the wagon when it pulled into town as dusk was settling. Heath hurried to secure some rooms, while
Duke and the men helped Nick and Jarrod inside. Ruth held J.T.’s hand and went to the desk, asking if the town
had a doctor. The man gave directions,
and Duke sent one of the men to summon the man to the hotel. It was a precautionary measure, but as long
as they had a doctor available they might as well take advantage of it. The doctor arrived to clean and change
bandages for both Nick and Jarrod.
Nick’s hand already looked less red and the doctor suggested he continue
with the salve and bandages for several more days just to make certain his hand
didn’t worsen. Jarrod’s wrists were
still swollen and the wounds, while still nasty looking, weren’t showing any
sign of infection, much to Ruth’s relief.
Duke
stayed with Ruth and J.T. while Heath and the others went for supper. J.T. sat playing with the few toys he had,
while Ruth sat stroking Jarrod’s hair as he slept. When he finally began to wake, it was easy to see the pain he was
in and how it tried to pull him back into the comfortable darkness. He
struggled against it and muttered, “Hungry.”
Ruth
couldn’t stop the smile and looked at Duke expectedly. Duke had a smile of his
own and he stood up as he spoke to her, “I’ll see if I can’t round up some
broth.”
“Thank
you, Duke.”
Duke
tipped his hat, “No problem, ma’am.” He
left the room and Ruth turned her attention back to Jarrod who was fighting to
stay awake. J.T. was kneeling at the
side of the bed, his chin resting on the edge as he eyed his father with
affection. Jarrod turned his head and
found himself staring into big blue eyes the color of his own. He frowned at the worried expression on the
boy’s face wondering if he looked as bad as he felt. Ruth took his hand and his eyes found the same worried look on
her face and he found it harder and harder to focus on anything.
His eyes
began to close and he drifted off only to be later startled awake by Heath’s
insistent voice, “Come on, big brother. Wake up. We brought you some soup.”
Both
brothers were surprised by Jarrod’s complete turnaround in behavior. Instead of
the fearful and wild look that confronted them the last time he was truly
awake, he was calm and cooperative, almost peaceful except for the obvious pain
he was in. It took time and patience to
get the soup down him, but they were rewarded when he managed to finish the
whole bowl. Medicine was given to help
with the pain, and Jarrod sighed with contentment. Just as he closed his eyes
he asked sleepily, “Nick?”
Nick
dropped closer to Jarrod, “Yeah, big brother?”
Jarrod’s
voice was already beginning to slur from his tiredness as he asked with an
innocent curiosity, “Who’s the woman and the boy?”
Nick and
Heath watched Jarrod’s breathing even out in sleep with shocked expressions on
their faces. They looked at each other
in disbelief at their brother’s words, and Nick was the first to speak, “Did he
just ask who Ruth and J.T. were?”
Heath
nodded sadly, “Yep. Reckon we got us a
problem.”
“How can
he remember us and not them?” Nick’s face reflected his confusion.
Shrugging,
Heath answered, “We’re gonna have ta tell Ruth when she gets back.”
Both men
turned sharply towards the voice that came from the open doorway, “Tell me
what?” Ruth’s tone was filled with dread but it was firm and demanding. She expected an answer. Nick and Heath traded glances as Ruth and
J.T. entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Ruth looked at both of them, waiting. “Is one of you going to tell me?”
Gesturing
his head towards J.T., Heath hesitated, “Now ain’t the time, Ruth.”
Undeterred,
Ruth nudged J.T. off the bed and asked him as he stood looking at her, “Can you
do me a favor, son?”
Anxious
to please his mother, J.T. nodded, “What Mama?”
“You see
your Uncle Nick there?” The boy looked at Nick and nodded again as Ruth
continued, knowing she was going to pay for this one, “He isn’t feeling well
and needs to rest. How would you like to keep an eye on him for me and make
sure he goes to bed?”
J.T.
looked back at Nick, who was now scowling at his sister-in-law, and whispered
warily, “Are you sure Mama? Uncle Nick don’t look like he’s ready for
bed.” J.T. couldn’t see the weariness
in his uncle’s eyes, but Ruth could.
Ignoring his own pain was putting a strain on Nick, despite what he
thought. He’d spent the day being jostled
around in the wagon and Ruth hadn’t missed the occasional grimace of pain or
the tightly clenched fists if his back came in contact with the wagon.
“He’s
ready, son. You just go with him and make sure he goes to sleep. Alright?”
“’kay.”
Taking his new position of authority very seriously, J.T. turned to Nick and
asked, “You gonna come peaceable like?”
Heath slumped farther into his chair, turning away to hid grin as Ruth
covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Even Nick was caught off guard and had to bite his lip to keep
from smiling at his nephew’s remark.
With
feigned gruffness, he played along, “You gonna tuck me in are ya?” J.T. walked
to Nick and held out his hand for his uncle to take and the two of them headed
towards the door.
J.T.
shrugged his shoulders, “Reckon I gotta if I’m supposed to be puttin’ you ta bed.”
As they passed into the hallway, Ruth and Heath heard J.T. ask Nick, “Ya ain’t
gonna give me no trouble are ya?” The
only response they heard through the closing door was Nick’s howl of laughter. The two occupants in the room laughed for a
few seconds before their eyes met and both remembered the reason for getting
J.T. out of the room.
Heath’s
fingers massaged his forehead, wishing he been the one to leave with J.T.
instead of Nick. Ruth reached out and checked Jarrod’s forehead, her own
fingers linger on his forehead as she waited for Heath to begin. “You might as well just tell me.”
“It ain’t
that easy, Ruth. ‘Sides, it may be nothing.”
Heath got up from his chair and wandered to the window and looked out
over the street below. It was already late
and except for an occasional cowboy going in or out of the saloon it was pretty
quiet. He let the scene take over his
thoughts for a few moments, unconsciously stalling for time.
“Heath?”
Turning
his attention back to Ruth, Heath spoke sorrowfully, “He don’t know who you or
J.T. are?”
Ruth
looked up in shock, her eyes wide, “What?!”
Very
softly Heath told her, “He asked who ya were.” He tried to reassure her, but
even to his ears it didn’t sound convincing, “Maybe he was just disoriented or
somethin’’.”
Not
trusting herself to speak, Ruth busied herself unwrapping her husband’s wrists
and retrieving water to clean his wounds.
They still looked ugly with all the cuts and bruising and were a grim
reminder of his suffering. Tears formed
in her eyes and dropped silently on the bed as she worked on his wrists. Heath lay a gentle hand on her arm, as he
watched her hands start shaking at the implications of Jarrod not recognizing
her or the children. “He’ll remember Ruth. You and the children mean way too
much to him.”
Looking
up at him, she wiped her tears hastily and sighed heavily, her words accented
by her despair, “I don’t know Heath, I more than any of you remind him of all
that he’s been through. It’s only natural he’d want to forget me.”
“You don’t
know that Ruth.”
Ruth
shook her head and tried to smile, “Thanks for trying, but you know as well as
I do that everything about me is related to his memory of Thad. This latest round is just another sad
reminder of what my brother did to him.
If not for all that, I doubt this time would have been so devastating to
him.”
“Maybe
it’s only temporary.”
“And in
the meantime? Am I just supposed to forget the last six years of our lives
together? That we’re married with three children?” Ruth was crying openly, her world crashing down on her.
Heath
shook his head and responded solemnly, “Reckon that ain’t something you can
forget.” Tears blinded Ruth and her
hands shook as she tried to finish the task of tending Jarrod’s wounds. Heath reached out and silently took over the
bandaging of Jarrod’s wrists as Ruth tried to compose herself. Heath finished and Ruth seemed to have
calmed some as she addressed him, “You need to get some sleep. We have another
long day on the road. I’ll sit with
him.”
“You need
sleep too.”
Ruth
shook her head. Her eyes rested on Jarrod and her voice was distant as she told
Heath, “I can sleep in the wagon.”
Standing
up to give Ruth his place at Jarrod’s side, Heath gently squeezed her shoulder
as she sat, “I hate leavin’ ya alone.”
Patting
the hand that comforted her, Ruth tilted her head back to reassure him, “I’ll
be fine. I need some time alone
anyway.” Heath nodded and started to
leave when Ruth spoke again, “Don’t tell J.T., Heath.”
Stopping
at the door, Heath turned back and stuttered, “He’s gonna have to know.”
“Not
until it’s necessary.” A small smile graced her face as she told him, “Jarrod
would never rebuke a child. He’ll treat
J.T. as he would any other child and hopefully that will be enough for now.”
Heath
smiled at Ruth’s accurate assessment of his brother. Jarrod loved kids, no
matter who’s they were and made himself available to them whenever the need
arose. For J.T.’s sake and eventually
Emily’s, Jarrod was going to have to know the truth. The children wouldn’t be shunned by Jarrod, of that Heath was
sure, Ruth on the other hand was a whole different story. Heath wasn’t all too sure how that piece of
information would be received.
“What are
you gonna tell Jarrod?”
“I have
no idea. He is going to want to know how he got hurt? What do I tell him?”
Shrugging,
Heath shook his head, “The lawyer in ‘im is gonna need facts, but I ain’t too
sure he’s ready to deal with the truth if he’s goin’ to so much trouble to
forget it.”
Ruth
nodded in agreement. Jarrod was going to want answers, yet how could they tell
him without him reliving the guilt over Amy Keller all over again or worse, him
remembering what Tim Keller and her brother had done to him.
“We can
decide tomorrow. You need to get some sleep.”
“Are you
sure you’ll be alright by yourself?”
“I’ll be
fine, Heath. He’s been very cooperative
when he wakes. I don’t foresee any problems.” Heath nodded, said his good
nights and went to his own room to get some much needed sleep.
As fate
would have it, they would have no time. When Jarrod woke up just before dawn he
was hurting and confused and he wanted answers and since Ruth was the only one
awake, she was the one that had to make the final decision about what Jarrod
would ultimately know about the truth.
“Would you like something to eat?”
“Just
some water.” Jarrod’s voice was hoarse as he spoke, but seemed to have a little
more strength than the day before. Ruth
filled a glass and helped him sit up to drink.
He’d been lying on his back and it was easy to see that too long in one
position had taken its toll on his sore muscles. Drinking the water, he lay back in the mound of pillows Ruth
fixed for him and eyed her suspiciously for her solicitous care.
Ignoring
his look, Ruth hadn’t felt this nervous since those days she first met him and
a sadness washed over her. To think
that he may never remember what they shared was almost overwhelming as she
blinked back tears that had been threatening all night. “Are you sure you wouldn’t
like something to eat? I’m sure I can round something up if you’re hungry.”
Jarrod
interrupted her rambling with a frustrated sigh, “Who are you?”
“Ruth.”
It was a poor excuse for an answer, but it was a difficult conversation. She was talking to the man she’d been
intimate with for over six years and all of sudden she felt like an awkward
teenager. Gathering her courage, Ruth
took a deep breath and tried to find some answers for him, “What do you
remember about your injuries, Jarrod?”
The
question seemed to startle him, as if he hadn’t actually considered until now
how he’d been hurt. His eyebrows
furrowed as he searched his mind and only after concentrating for a few seconds
did he realize he didn’t know, “How did I get hurt...Ruth?” He hesitated at her
name, unsure of himself.
“You were
taken by some men and beaten.”
“Why?” His curiosity was winning over his
discomfort, but Ruth could see he was hurting.
Every movement made him wince and Ruth could take no more and asked
softly, “Can I get you something for the pain, the doctor left you some
medicine?”
Jarrod
shook his head, “No thank you. It just makes me groggy and I feel like I’ve
been sleeping for ages.” He shifted on
the bed, needing to get off his back
and into a different position. Ruth
leaned across him as he lifted up and spoke with concern, “Let me help
you.” Removing the pillows behind him,
she helped him ease onto his side and noticed the sweat that broke out on his
face at the effort it took to perform such a minor task. Retrieving a damp rag, Ruth used it to wipe
his face and he closed his eyes briefly at the coolness it left behind. His eyes drifted shut and Ruth all but
sighed her relief, having bypassed his question. It was a short reprieve as his voice broke the silence, “You
didn’t answer my question.”
“A man
from your past wanted revenge.”
Thankfully
Jarrod seemed to accept her answer, but his next one was just as difficult and
more personal, “And where do you fit in?”
“There is
going to be no easy way to tell you this.” Before Ruth could answer, J.T. opened
the door and ran to his father’s bed, anxious to see him awake. Ruth was too stunned to speak and J.T.’s
exuberance couldn’t be contained. “Papa! You’re awake.”
Stunned would have been a serious understatement in regard
to Jarrod’s reaction at the young boy’s admission. His eyes widened and he looked at his brothers and then Ruth for
some sort of explanation. Ruth tried to
smile, but it was forced. Her words to
Jarrod were no less strained, “I’m your wife.”
Jarrod looked down in surprise at the small bundle in his arms and Ruth
elaborated, “J.T. is our son.”
Jarrod was obviously in a state of shock, his eloquence with
words suddenly gone. Ruth had no idea
what to say, afraid she had said too much already. J.T was oblivious to the tension in the room and simply rejoiced
in the warmth of his father’s arms.
Jarrod winced as J.T. wiggled next to him, but didn’t reprimand the boy for his squirming, disbelief playing
a big factor in his silence. Nick
finally intervened on everyone’s behalf, needing to ease some of the tension in
the room, “Ruth why don’t you and JT go with Heath and get ya some
breakfast. I’ll stay here with Jarrod
and change his bandages. I can grab me
somethin’ later, while Heath hitches the wagon and gets us loaded.”
“Sounds ta me like
Heath is doin’ most of the work,” quipped Heath.
With a devious smile, Nick held up his hand as he teased
Heath, “Well, I’m injured and I didn’t figure you’d want me overdoin’ it.” In all honesty, Nick wouldn’t be much help
anyway and they all knew it.
Heath huffed at Nick then turned to Ruth, “You ready?”
Ruth nodded, thinking Jarrod needed some time. Maybe he’d be
more willing to talk if she wasn’t around.
She was after all a simple stranger to him. Regretfully, Ruth urged her son, “Come on J.T., let’s go get some
breakfast. Jarrod, we’ll bring you something to eat when we come back.”
J.T.’s hunger was the only thing working in Ruth’s favor or
she never would have gotten his cooperation in leaving his father. Like the
rest of them, the five-year-old needed to spend time with Jarrod and make sure
he wasn’t going to suddenly vanish again. He was totally oblivious to his
father’s discomfort. Ruth resisted the
temptation to kiss Jarrod goodbye just as she’d done so many times in the past.
Now it didn’t seem quite right to kiss a man that had no recollection of her.
Her eyes misted over and she covered it with a comment to her brother-in-law,
“Nick, see that you clean and bandage your own hand.”
Nick nodded, watching them leave and could see Jarrod relax
in their absence, “You doing alright Jarrod?”
Jarrod was deeply disturbed to learn he had family he had no
recollection of. He wanted more
information and needed to talk about everything they were telling him, but the
time awake was taxing and his eyes started to close. Nick patiently removed the wraps on his brother’s wrists and
gently cleaned them. It was painful for
Jarrod, but he remained still and quiet under Nick’s ministrations, his mind on
other things. The only indication of
his pain was the sweat that gathered on his brow and his harsher
breathing. Nick was taken back to the
days before when his brother had endured unimaginable pain and remained
silent. Maybe it was better Jarrod
didn’t remember, Nick was unsure. It
might make it easy in the present, but what about down the road. His desire to forget Keller and the torture
also included Ruth and the children.
Nick couldn’t help but wonder if Ruth and Jarrod would be able to
recover the love they lost with his memory.
So much of what they had and the trust they shared was the result of
their time running from Thad. Without
the same circumstances would Jarrod be able to open up to the only person he’d
ever let see inside his soul. Jarrod
was close to his family and very protective towards them, but he was also very
cautious with revealing his innermost thoughts. Ruth was the only person he had ever let inside that cool
exterior. If he didn’t trust Ruth
enough to let her in, would their relationship ever be the same as it was
before. Nick knew Jarrod wouldn’t
abandon Ruth simply because he didn’t remember the marriage. His brother was too strong on principle to
ever consider leaving a family that was legally his, but how he and Ruth
handled the upcoming days and weeks would be interesting to see.
********
Jarrod sat in the wagon eyeing Ruth as she napped, hoping if
he looked at her long enough it might trigger some sort of memory. She was attractive and Jarrod could sense a
certain familiarity about her, but nothing more. J.T. instantly found a place in his heart with his unbridled
enthusiasm and hero worship. Even
without the memories, Jarrod felt a swell of pride that this child was his. That he was along on such a journey
concerned him. Why was the boy with
them? Who hated him enough to go to
such lengths? And where the hell were they? He still had no answers and when
Ruth woke, Jarrod was determined to get some.
His body ached from the wagon ride and despite the thick mattress that
lie beneath him, every bump and pit in the road reverberated into his sore
muscles, the same muscles that peaked
his curiosity. Being a lawyer, he’d never developed the harder tone that his
brothers had and yet there was no mistaking the solid muscles underneath all
the bruising. It only added to the list of questions... just what had he been
doing for the last six years.
Ruth woke up and found Jarrod staring at her. Normally she would find it endearing, today
it was unnerving. Unable to endure it
for long, she gave heavy sigh, “What do you want to know?”
Gingerly lifting up on one elbow, Jarrod replied,
“Everything.” It was disheartening not
to see the gleam in his eye when he spoke with her or the quirky smile while he
listened.
“We’ve been married six years. We have three children.”
Jarrod question her with wide eyes, “Three?”
Nodding, Ruth continued, “J.T. is the oldest. Emily is three and Jake is the baby. They stayed at home.”
“Why is J.T. here?”
Ruth hung her head for a moment, remembering his kidnapping
over three weeks ago. It seemed like
forever ago. “He was kidnapped to get your cooperation. The man wanted you and decided J.T. would
bring you to him. It worked.”
Concern and a trace of anger marked Jarrod’s features, “Was
he hurt?”
“Only a little. He’s fine now for the most part. He is more
concerned about you.” Ruth
unconsciously reached out and fingered his dark hair, her own concern
showing. Jarrod pulled back in surprise
at the intimacy of her actions. Ruth
jerked her hand back, suddenly aware of what she’d done and she uttered a sad,
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
The hurt of his reaction shone clearly in her eyes as her
face blushed with embarrassment and Jarrod stammered an apology of his own, “I
was surprised is all.” Dropping his head in frustration, Jarrod continued, “This is going to take some getting used
to. I have nothing against you Ruth,
it’s just that...to put it bluntly, I don’t know you.”
Shaking her head, Ruth tried to negate her despair, “It’s
not your fault. I understand. I’ll try to be more careful.” Jarrod only nodded, not knowing what to say,
and Ruth blinked several times to stop the impending tears. The moment of silence grew longer, neither
had the words to make the situation any better. The wagon hit a big rut at that moment and Jarrod bounced with
the motion and paled at the pain that assaulted his aching frame. His clenched fists and sweating brow were
testament to the pain he was in, and Ruth kicked herself for not seeing the
signs earlier. She almost reached for
him, but remembered in time to stop herself. Instead she crawled forward in the
wagon to alert Heath, “Heath, I think it’s time to stop for lunch?”
Both Nick and Heath glanced backwards and could see Jarrod’s
heavy breathing as he slumped into the mattress. Stopping the wagon, they helped J.T. down with instructions not
to wander too far. Ruth let Nick help
her down, and Heath helped Jarrod, who insisted on getting out of the
wagon. It was painful just to watch him
move from the wagon to a place to sit, but he’d made it known that morning that
he would no longer allow them to carry him everywhere. His pride was strong and as long as he was
capable of standing, he would make his own way. None of them missed the look of pain, mingled with relief when he
finally sat down and could rest without the incessant joggling. No matter how
he positioned himself there was pain but it helped to move just to relieve the
aches of staying in one place too long.
Heath and J.T. gathered wood for a fire and Ruth set about fixing some
lunch for everyone. Duke and the men
took care of the horses then took advantage of the stop to just lounge beneath
the shade trees.
Jarrod took the canteen Nick handed him and drank from it
deeply, “Thanks, Nick.” Looking around he wondered again where they were and
asked curiously, “Where are we, by the way?”
Nick joined him in a drink and sat beside him, “A day or two
north of Sacramento. When we get there we can catch the train home.”
“I’m looking forward to it.” Jarrod’s weariness showed and
Nick got up and grabbed a blanket for him to lie on. When he returned Jarrod asked about his wrapped hand, “You’re
hurt?”
“It’s nothin’, almost good as new.” Nick emphasized his words by flexing his
fingers. His hand was still a little
stiff, but unless something actually pressed against the wound itself he wasn’t
bothered by it. His back was healing
and most of the swelling had gone, leaving only the bruising. It ached at times and he still had to be
careful about leaning into something, but for the most part he was well on his
way to a full recovery. Jarrod’s back
and thighs were in much worse shape. He’d had endure beating on top of beating
and the swelling was still evident even through his clothes.
Ruth finished preparing some food, and the men gathered to
fill their plates. It wasn’t much, but
it was filling and would get them to supper.
Nick looked down at the offered meal, and his stomach lurched at the
plate full of beans. His eyes darted
to his brother and he watched Jarrod eat without question. Only seconds later, Jarrod paled and he
bolted from camp, barely making it into the bushes before he was violently
heaving up the contents of his stomach.
Nick shook with rage as he watched Jarrod being sick. Looking down at his untouched plate he threw
it to the ground in disgust. Standing
up in a rush he stormed from camp, desperate to get away from the
memories. Heath and Ruth were too busy
with Jarrod and J.T. to wonder where he was going. J.T. was upset seeing his father sick and Ruth was stuck trying
to calm him while Heath offered moral support to Jarrod, who continued dry
heaving long after his stomach was empty.
As the nausea dissipated, Jarrod sank to the ground completely
exhausted. Duke stepped in and offered
to take J.T. for a walk. Ruth was
grateful for the intervention and grabbing the canteen hurried to help
Heath. Jarrod looked pathetic and the
added effort of being sick only worsened his already painful injuries. Involuntary tears streaked his face, and he
wiped them away with his shirtsleeve when Heath offered him the canteen. Looking up at Heath and Ruth’s worried
faces, he tried to force a weak smile, “Thanks. Guess the beans didn’t agree with me.”
Heath flashed him a lop-sided grin, “Guess not.” He held out his hand and Jarrod grabbed it,
letting his brother pull him to his feet.
Unsteady on his feet, Jarrod let Heath help him back to the fire. Ruth followed anxiously behind them, unsure
what she could do to help. Jarrod made
it clear he was uncomfortable with her presence, and yet she couldn’t stand by
and do nothing. Instead she found a
cloth and handed it to Heath for Jarrod to wipe his face. Ruth found herself watching Jarrod’s every
move with anticipation, hoping to see even a brief signal that she was welcome
into his space, but it never came and she drifted back to the fire needing to
keep busy. She chastised herself for
making the beans. Nick had told them
about Keller making Jarrod eat, but with his loss of memory it no longer seemed
important and she’d cooked lunch without thought to the menu. Her head lifted and she looked around for
her brother-in-law and found his dark figure pacing nervously in the clearing
beyond. Rising up, she made her way to
Nick hoping she could at least help him.
Jarrod curiously watched her leave, wondering where she was
going until he saw her joining Nick.
The two of them talked and cast occasional glances back his way as they
spoke. It was easy to see that both of them were upset. His heart fluttered a bit and he wasn’t sure
why. He had no feelings for this woman,
his wife and yet it hurt to see her crying.
Knowing it was his fault didn’t help.
As hard as he tried, he couldn’t remember her or the boy. If what Ruth said was true, he was missing
the last six years of his life. Six
very important years by the look of things.
Part 17
Nick paced back and forth, angry and frustrated at the
helplessness that he was feeling.
Seeing Jarrod sick was tearing him apart. The demons were laughing at him, enjoying the conflict as he struggled
with the guilt. Nick was snapped from
his thoughts when Ruth snuck up on him. Her voice was thick with remorse as she
spoke, “I’m sorry about the beans. I
wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s not your fault, Ruth. I wasn’t expecting it
either.” Taking off his hat, Nick
scrubbed his hand through his thick black hair, “I don’t know what to do. I
can’t even tell him I’m sorry, cause he has no idea what happened.”
“What do you have to be sorry for Nick? None of this was
your fault.”
“I let it happen.” He turned away from her and started
pacing again, his nervous energy needing an outlet.
“You didn’t let anything happen. My god, Nick, you were
chained and beaten the same as Jarrod.”
Nick shook his head sadly, “No, not the same.” Embarrassed
by his emotions, Nick dropped his head to hide his face. “What they did to him was...wrong!” Tears for Jarrod fell and Ruth worried for
Nick’s sensitive soul. He was a man
that needed to vent his feelings and with Jarrod unable to remember, Nick was
stuck carrying the burden of it all.
While Jarrod had safely tucked it away in a safe place within the
recesses of his mind, Nick could see it all too clearly and it was eating away
at him. The darkness in his soul was
growing and the demons taunted him every time he had to see Jarrod suffer.
Ruth sympathized with her brother-in-law. They both had to live with a truth that was
hurting more than anyone else could even imagine. They both had seen the torture and the terror it inflicted up
close. Each one was living with the
guilt that they should have done something to stop it and yet they had to keep
silent for fear of waking the sleeping demons inside Jarrod. They stood in the shade of the trees and
tried to comfort each other against the burdens they carried.
****************************
The next few days were no less taxing than the ones before
and with Jarrod awake more and more, his pain seemed more vivid. At the end of the day it took little
convincing to get him to take some medicine to help him sleep. His time awake was spent asking questions
about forgotten memories and by the time they reached Sacramento they’d managed
to relate enough to satisfy his curiosity.
The also managed to keep him from knowing the worst of it. Ruth felt bad holding back certain facts
but they were all afraid of the consequences if he were aware of the true
extent of his torture. Nick and Heath
were just grateful to have him in one piece and seemingly whole after
witnessing his madness so soon after Keller released him. If living a lie kept that side at bay, then
it was a small price to pay. Ruth was
no closer to regaining her husband than she was before he learned the
truth. The fact that her brother was
involved did nothing to enamor her to him, of that she was sure. She could see questions behind his eyes as
they told him about Thad and if anything he seemed even more distant. His lack of questions when things turned to
the more difficult aspects of his capture wasn’t missed by any of them. Jarrod, for whatever reason, would take what
they told him at face value, his normal
curious nature lacking. Ruth wasn’t
blind to the fact that he kept his distance and she knew she had lost another
level of trust as they related the events at the farm. She couldn’t help but wonder how damaging it
would become if he ever learned the full account of his torture at the hands of
her brother.
Pulling into Sacramento, Nick was glad to see their private
car already waiting their arrival. It
would save them having to get rooms and Jarrod would only have to walk one
time, sparing them all that particular displeasure. He refused everyone’s help and even though it didn’t seem as bad
as the previous attempts, it was still hard to see him in such pain. Nick checked on the next train to Stockton
and Heath helped Ruth and J.T. get settled while the men took care of the
horses. In no time at all they were on
their way and unloading again in Stockton.
Another wagon, carefully padded for Jarrod’s comfort was waiting on them
at the station. It had been a long time
since any of them had been home, but Nick had wired ahead telling them to save
the homecoming for the ranch. Heath
made a quick run to the doctor’s office asking him to come out to the ranch at
his earliest convenience. Doctor Merar
ensured him he’d be out before the day was out. Everyone, Jarrod included was anxious to get home. Ruth was unsure where home would be. She
worried that Jarrod may be too uncomfortable living under the same roof as
her. After six years, it was all too
easy to revert to her old ways, letting him decide what he was most comfortable
with. It had been a long time since she
felt the need to restrain herself from any kind of contact with Jarrod. They had been through a lifetime together in
only six years and yet the very thing that brought them together was
threatening to tear them apart.
Ruth couldn’t wait to see Emily and Jake. Leaving her baby
in the care of her sister’s-in-law was the hardest thing she’d had to do. The fact that he was still nursing made the
decision even harder. She’d discreetly
expressed her milk to keep from drying up.
It was difficult under the watchful eye of all the men, but with Heath’s
help, she’d managed to find the necessary time alone. As soon as they entered the front foyer of the ranch house, chaos
ensued. Adults and children alike
descended on the long gone travelers.
Emily rushed from the parlor, straight to her parents, “Mama, Papa!” Ruth quickly reached out to stop her
daughter for jumping at Jarrod. The
trip in the house drained him of all his strength and she was afraid if they
didn’t get him settled soon, he would collapse on them.
The women followed Emily and they controlled their own
exuberance at seeing their men return. Victoria took one look at Jarrod and began
issuing orders. “Tess if you’ll take
the children, Dory can get a room ready for Jarrod.” Tess gave Nick a quick hug and a kiss then gathered the little
ones into the study while Dory greeted Heath briefly and headed upstairs.
Victoria watched Jarrod anxiously, but kept her distance, unsure how Jarrod was
taking this latest round of punishment.
She could see his pain in the stiff way he held himself.
Jarrod’s eyes followed Dory up the stairs and as his body
trembled with pain he closed his eyes at the thought of climbing the
stairs. His head swam dizzily and he
grabbed blindly for the banister. Nick
and Heath both stepped forward and reached out to catch him before he fell. Jarrod nodded his thanks and after a brief
moment to steady himself, he gingerly lifted his leg to ascend the stairs. Using muscles he hadn’t had to use in some
time brought more pain and the sweat soaked into his clothes. His brothers climbed each agonizing step
with him, until half way up his strength gave out and he sagged in his brothers
arms. Jarrod’s voice was weak and ragged as he beseeched them for help, “Can’t...go...”
Heath nodded to Nick and the two of them picked their
brother up, carrying him the final distance to his room. Ruth followed behind them, feeling useless,
but needing to be there. Victoria
stepped around Ruth, as she stood in the doorway watching Jarrod’s brothers
begin to undress him, and gathered a nightshirt from the chest of drawers. A gasp of horror escaped when she turned and
saw the magnitude of bruises that covered her son. The white bandages on his wrists were a stark contrast to his
mottled his skin. Suddenly embarrassed,
Jarrod ducked his head and Victoria quickly admonished his sudden shyness, “Oh
come now, there is nothing I haven’t seen before.” What his mother didn’t know was that Jarrod was uncomfortable
with a virtual stranger in the room.
Jarrod’s eyes darted to Ruth and Victoria glanced back at
her daughter-in-law. She didn’t miss
the hurt in Ruth’s eyes when she turned and made a hasty retreat from the
room. Victoria found her a short time
later in the nursery with Jake. Sitting
in the rocker with her son at her breast, silent tears rolled down Ruth’s
face. She made no effort to hide them
when Victoria entered the room and sat on bed nearby. Nick had filled her in on Jarrod’s loss of memory, but not much
else. “I’m sorry, Ruth. This must be
very hard on you.”
“He doesn’t want anything to do with me,” cried Ruth.
“I’m sure it’s only temporary. He did get his memory back
the last time.”
Ruth wiped her tears, “And what if he doesn’t?”
“You are still the same person he fell in love with. He can’t deny what is in his heart and I’m
sure that all the two of you need is some time so he can get to know you
again.” Victoria stood up and smiled at
Ruth, “Why don’t you enjoy the time with Jake and I’ll send Emily up to you.
I’m sure the both of you could use some time together. When Jarrod wakes up later, we can see about
introducing his children to him. I’m
sure that will help.”
*****
Jarrod did wonderful with the children, they never had a
clue that their father didn’t know them. He treated them more as niece and
nephews rather than daughter and sons.
It was easy to see that he was fond of them, but it wasn’t the same
affection he would have had, had he recalled them growing up or remembered his
own role as their father. They were
quite simply, children he cared for and was fond of. Ruth was entirely different matter. In the weeks that followed, they moved back to their own home and
with patience, Jarrod got to know his wife.
It was awkward and frustrating at times, more so for Ruth than Jarrod,
but they developed an easier relationship.
The intimacy was gone and with it all of the playfulness and tender
touches Ruth had relished over the years.
Ruth cried silent tears many a night as she slept apart from her
husband, wondering if they would ever get back what they’d lost.
Part 18
Days went to weeks, and two months after Jarrod’s return
home, Ruth found her estranged husband packing his bags. Shock and disbelief ripped through her, and
she struggled for some outward calm. “Where are you going?”
Jarrod kept his eyes down and continued to pull clothes from
his dresser and pack them in his bag. “I need to get away for a while.”
“Running away from it, isn’t going to make it any
better.”
His eyes finally met hers and he saw the hurt there, but he
knew of no way to make it go away.
Pushing his bag aside, he sat on the edge of the bed and leaned forward
onto his knees. The desolation in his
voice as he began to speak was obvious, “I can’t stay here. I need some time.”
“Time for what?” There was no recrimination in her voice,
just curiosity and desperation. “Where will you go?”
Standing up, Jarrod moved to the window. Hooking his hands in his pockets he stared
absently out the window as he spoke. “I can’t stay here and live a life that
isn’t mine.”
Ruth frowned, “What do you mean it isn’t yours? Who else would it belong to if not you?”
Jarrod shook his head, his back still to her, “His. It
belongs to the other me, I don’t have any claims on it.”
“I don’t understand, I thought we were getting along and
things were getting better.” Ruth fought back tears as she waited for an
explanation.
“That’s part of the problem Ruth. I do have feelings for
you, but I can tell that it’s not what you’re used to from me.” He finally
turned to look at her and as his eyes looked her up and down, the desire was
unmistakable. “I want you and I don’t know if it’s just because I am a man and
you are a woman I’m attracted to or if it is more than that. How can I take what isn’t really mine?”
Ruth moved next to him, thrilled to see some of the desire
she’d missed for so long, “It is yours, for the taking. Don’t you understand
that?” Her hand reached out to touch
his arm and he jerked away as if it were fire.
“It’s not my right.
It would be me using you to satisfy my urges.”
“You’re my husband!” exclaimed Ruth, her own frustration
mounting as she listened to Jarrod.
Jarrod grabbed his bag and hastily finished packing as he
tried to make her understand, “I’m not, don’t you see. I’m living in this house and I’m pretending
to be something I’m not. We all are!”
As if they both realized the fight was over and they would
have to find some other solution, the whole demeanor of the room changed. “Where will you go?” asked Ruth quietly.
Ruth looked resigned, but saddened by Jarrod’s decision and
his own voice became softer, “San Francisco. I can stay at the townhouse. No
one is using it.”
“Can we visit? The children will want to see you.” Ruth’s
voice cracked and she blinked back her tears, not wanting to make it any worse
than it was.
Sitting beside her, Jarrod took her hand in his, “This isn’t
the end, Ruth. I just need some time to figure out where I fit in now. It’s not you or the children. I just don’t know who I am any more.”
Ruth could only nod, her emotions way too close to the
surface to even speak and Jarrod continued, his own heart breaking at the pain
he was causing her, “Let me get settled then you and the children can come for
visit.” Her silent nods were tearing at
him and he knew he had to leave or he’d regret his actions. It was getting harder and harder every day
to ignore the urges he was feeling.
Living in the same house gave him no relief and he needed to know if it
was her mere presence that was driving him crazy or if he really felt more for
her. Sitting in the silent room after
Jarrod left, Ruth’s tears fell. The
only thing keeping her from falling apart completely was the sadness in
Jarrod’s eyes before he’d gone. Despite
all he was saying, she could see some something behind those deep blue eyes and
knew there was still hope.
As Jarrod left, a lone figure sat atop his horse on the hill
way beyond the house...watching...and waiting.
******
It had been an emotionally exhausting wait for Jarrod to
wire he was ready for visitors. As
hard as it was, Ruth defended Jarrod’s actions and only recently had things
been smoothed away at home to where the family was beginning to see it from his
point of view. Nick was taking Jarrod’s
absence the hardest. His brother
leaving was just another thing Nick blamed himself for. If he’d stopped Keller none of this would be
happening, at least in his mind. He wanted Jarrod to be happy and he was
thankful he didn’t remember, but a part of him wished he could bare his soul to
the one person that could absolve him of his demons.
Jarrod nervously paced in his room, waiting for Ruth and the
children to arrive. Ruth insisted on
making the trip from the train station alone, despite his own insistence that
he would pick them up. On the hundredth
pass across his bedroom, he heard the front door open and stopped only long
enough to check his reflection in the mirror before hurrying downstairs. At the top of the stairs, his eyes drifted
downward and he paused to take in the sight of his wife and three
children. J.T. and Emily spotted him
and ran haplessly up the stairs yelling, “Papa! Papa!”
Ruth smiled up at him and his heart skipped a beat at the
way her face lit up. Suddenly, without
any warning, the house began to shake.
J.T. and Emily stumbled on the stairs, and Jarrod rushed to their aid as
he yelled to Ruth, “GET OUTSIDE!!!”
Grabbing the banister to keep from falling himself, Jarrod staggered to
the children and scooped them both up in his arms. Furniture toppled and glassware broke as the house was literally
rocked on its foundation. Ruth stood
with Jake in her arms, frozen to the middle of the foyer, her eyes wide with
terror. Jarrod took the steps two at
time, but he wasn’t fast enough to get to her.
He watched helplessly as part of the ceiling came crashing down atop
Ruth and Jake and he screamed, “RUTH!!!!” In that single instant, Jarrod’s
heart seemed to stop as he witnessed it all and he realized that his feelings
for Ruth went far deeper than he ever
imagined. The earthquake shook
around him, and with no time to think Jarrod could only react. The floors lurched violently and Jarrod
staggered to where Ruth was covered in debris.
Jake was already crying and crawling out of the mess. Jarrod picked Jake up, made sure he wasn’t
hurt then handed him to J.T., who was holding tightly to Emily’s hand. Both children were terrified, but Jarrod
couldn’t do much to comfort them, their safety more important at the
moment. He looked at J.T. and firmly
issued orders, “Take them both outside,
away from the building. I’m going to
get Mama.”
J.T. was crying, but did as his father told him. Emily balked, and Jarrod told her firmly,
“Go with your brother, and do as he says.”
Jarrod didn’t often have to reprimand her and she nodded with wide eyes
at her father’s harsh tone. The children were crying as they stumbled to get
away from the crumbling house. Jarrod
waited only long enough to see them safely to the sidewalk and hurried back to
help Ruth.
Ruth was already trying to free herself from the rubble and
Jarrod’s hands worked frantically as he flung the wood and plaster off her. The
tremors were finally over and he sighed his relief as the house settled. Grabbing hold of her, his voice shook and
his heart raced as he asked, “Are you alright?”
Jarrod sighed heavily as she nodded her head, and he pulled
her into a tight embrace, his head dropping onto hers as she trembled in his
arms. “Let’s get out of here.” As they got to their feet the house started
shaking with an aftershock and neither one had time to react. With no warning, the floor under their feet
gave way and the townhouse collapsed around them.
The man moved towards the destroyed townhouse and it was
then that he heard the children crying and found them huddled on the
sidewalk. He managed to grab J.T. just
as the boy left his siblings in an attempt to get to the pile of rubble. J.T. struggled in his grasp, kicking and
screaming at him and trying to free
himself from a man he knew all to well.
Carrying the boy in his massive paw, he demanded, “Settle down boy.
Ain’t nothin’ you can do to help them.
You need to think about your brother and sister and let me worry about
your parents.”
All the steam went out of J.T. as he glared at the big man,
“Put me down.”
“You promise me you’ll behave?”
J.T.’s eyes still had fire in them, and he nodded
reluctantly. Putting him down, the man
watched the young boy return to his siblings. The five-year-old picked up his little brother and stood with
Emily holding tightly to his shirt as she cowered behind him. Fear made him
stammer, “What are you gonna do with
us?”
“I’m gonna take you someplace safe, then I’m coming back
here for your mother and father.”
Part 19
Ruth came to consciousness slowly and tried to focus on her
surroundings. Her memory quickly filled
in the gaps and she called out fearfully, “Jarrod?” There were no sounds except for the occasional creaking as the
debris settled around her. The light
was almost nonexistent but what did filter down was filled with dust and her
lungs could feel the heaviness of the dust laden air. As she tried to move, her body screamed in protest and she
stopped to catch her breath, only it was impossible to take a deep breath. Disoriented and hurting, she tried to figure
out how badly she was trapped. Her body
seemed tilted, as she lay on her stomach and her chest rested heavily against
what felt like a large beam, the edge digging sharply into her ribs. One arm was pinned to the same beam by the
weight from above her, but it was impossible to tell what it was, probably part
of the ceiling. Her other arm was free
but it was stretched out beside her head and both were dangling over the beam that
held her in place. As she tried to
assess what position her legs were in, she flexed them hesitantly. Ruth cried
out at the blinding pain that shot up her legs and into her spine, leaving her
breathless. With her legs pinned both
from above and below, the pressure was oppressive. It didn’t take her long to figure out that if she remained
motionless, the pain was tolerable.
Drifting between wakefulness and sleep, she thought she
heard someone calling her name but her mind refused to process the information,
wanting nothing more than to drift back into the solitude of the darkness. Hearing her name a second time, Ruth came
fully awake and called out, “Jarrod?”
“Here.” His voice sounded weak and Ruth’s heart beat faster
in fear for him.
“Are you hurt?” When
no answer came, she called out louder and with a tinge of panic, “Jarrod,
please answer me!”
A heavy cough punctuated the air and his voice came back
stronger, “I’m here.”
“Are you hurt? Can you move?”
“I don’t know yet.
Are you hurt?”
“I’m trapped.” Ruth tried to hide her rising fear, but
having Jarrod to share it with brought it to the surface.
Jarrod could hear her voice just off to his left and he
struggled to get moving. “Hold on, I’m going to try to get to you.” It was so dark it was hard to see anything
but the shadows of debris. Sweating, he
reached a hand up to wipe it out of his eyes and felt instead the stickiness of
blood. As he tried to sit up, pain
ripped through his back and left him breathless. Spasms had him gasping for air and only by moving slowly could he
make his way through the debris. As
the rubble shifted with his moving, he heard Ruth cry out in pain. Freezing in place, his heart raced at her
distress and he called out to her anxiously, “Ruth!”
With a ragged breath she answered him, “I’m here.”
There was more silence and Jarrod was terrified to move for
fear of causing her more pain. Jarrod
was breathing heavily and he responded desperately, “God Ruth, I’m afraid to
move. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Please.” Her voice
was almost a whisper but her fear was unmistakable, “I need you.”
Jarrod needed no further encouragement than the ache in his
heart. Ignoring his own pain, he very
cautiously crawled through the twisted mass of rubble to get to her. Only when he found her outstretched hand did
he stop to rest. It was impossible to
see how badly she was trapped, but he heard her sharp intake of breath when he
touched her. “Jarrod!”
He moved as close as he could and his hand fumbled until it
rested on her face. “Shh.. I’m here.”
Ruth’s resolve broke and tiny sobs could be heard as she let
the fear and pain take over. “It
hurts.”
Getting onto his knees, Jarrod used his hands to try and see
how she was trapped. Realizing she was
under a big chunk of the plastered ceiling, he tried to shift it off of her
back. Her scream tore through him as it
moved a fraction of an inch and he stopped, hurrying to get back to her, “I’m
sorry...I’m so sorry.” His hand found
hers again and she grabbed at it, holding it tightly and Jarrod could hear the
pain in her breathing. Scuffling under
the debris, he moved until his head was next to hers. His free hand found her face and he tenderly brushed away her
tears. Her breathing eventually evened
out and he asked softly, “Can you tell me where you’re hurt?”
Her hand had his in a death grip and he squeezed back as he
listened to her, “I feel like I’m being crushed.” Ruth’s voice wavered as she
added, “My legs are pinned and if I try to move the pain is too much. I don’t
think they are broken. It feels more like they are being pinched by the stuff
around them. It hurts all the way up
into my back if I try to move them.”
Jarrod hated to ask, but he needed to know, “Anything else?”
Ruth told him with a slight hesitation, “I can’t take a deep
breath. My other arm is pinned under me
and I think it’s the only thing keeping the weight off my lungs. Whenever
something shifts, it gets harder to breath.”
His hands shook and he was powerless to stop the fear that
gripped his heart. “Okay...Just hold on. I’m going to see if I can wedge
something under it so it doesn’t get any worse.”
“’kay.” Her voice
was weak, and Jarrod tried to sound reassuring as he spoke.
“We’ll get out of this.
J.T. knows we’re here, he’ll get help.”
“Oh my gosh...the children!”
“Shh..They were fine.
I got them out of the house.
J.T. will see to them.”
“He’s only five,” cried Ruth, suddenly more worried for her
children than her own predicament.
“I know, but he can handle it. He’s very responsible.”
Ruth’s asked hopefully, “You remember?”
“No,” said Jarrod sadly and then he added, “Just because I
don’t remember, doesn’t mean I can’t see what a great boy he is.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Jarrod once again caressed her face, marveling in its softness
as he told her, “I’m sorry for leaving you like I did. I’m even more sorry it
took something like this to make me realize...how much I love you.” Very carefully he leaned in and kissed her
lightly. His back strained and a spasm of pain made him gasp as he sucked in
air and held it against the pain. Only
when the pain backed off did he release his breath.
“You’re hurt.”
“It’s nothing, just twisted my back is all.” His hand had a
tight grip on the tense muscles in his back and he didn’t move for fear of
alarming her further. After a few
minutes the pain subsided and he felt confident enough to move. “I’m going to see if I can find something to
put under all that and take some of the pressure off you.”
He stopped long enough to wrap his head with his
handkerchief, hopeful it would stop the slow trickle of blood that was
disturbing his vision. There was no
telling how bad it was but the bleeding was slower so it couldn’t be too bad. On his hands and knees in the limited space,
he reached out blindly for something to support the weight that was slowly
crushing Ruth. The darkness was
frustrating and several times he banged his head or scrapped his hands and
knees before he came back with several short boards that he thought might
work. His head pounded and the
makeshift bandage was soaked with blood, the wound having reopened from the
countless times he’d hit it in his searching.
“Ruth. I’m going to get under you as far as I can and put
these boards in place.” Jarrod worked for over an hour, struggling to place one
support after another all around Ruth.
His fear for her safety made the task worthwhile despite the screaming
pain in his back. Only when the job
was done did he finally move back to her head and slump in the dirt.
Ruth could hear his ragged breathing and she asked
worriedly, “Are you alright?”
“Umm uh.” He spoke
between breaths, “Just...need...to...rest.”
Close to tears, Ruth whispered, “Thank you. I know that hurt
you.”
He carefully rolled onto his side and supported his head with his hand, “I’m fine. Did it help any?”
“A little.” Ruth
could hear him moving and a few times a grunt could be heard. Finally her
curiosity got the better of her, “What are you doing?”
More rustling was followed, “Hold on.” Finally he reached out and lifted her chin
and head up as it hung over the beam and placed his wrapped up coat under her
head. The soft coat was a sharp
contrast to the hard wood and it took a lot of pressure off her neck muscles as
she tried to hold her head up.
“Oh that is so much better,” sighed Ruth.
Finding her hand, he held on and brought it to his lips,
“I’m sorry I can’t do more. There’s just too much on top of it to move. It should hold until someone can find us.”
They stayed in a comfortable silence for a long time before
Ruth spoke again, “Jarrod?”
“Hmm?”
Ruth stammered very softly and Jarrod could hear the tears
in her voice, “I’m scared.”
Her admission was frightening and he shifted closer until
his head was next to hers. Cupping her face he held her own cheek next to his
and muttered reassuringly, “I know.
We’ll get out of here you’ll see.”
“I’m worried about the children. I can’t stop thinking how
scared they must be, all alone in a strange city.”
“I’m sure someone has found them by now and J.T. will tell
them what they need to know. I have no doubt the family will be here by
morning.” Jarrod hoped he sounded more confident than he felt. Even if they did know they were buried in
the debris of the townhouse, it would take hours to free them from the twisted
pile of wood and plaster. His concern
for Ruth was mounting and he feared that too much jostling from above would
cause more damage than good.
“I hope you’re right.”
Again the silence descended upon them and this time it was
Jarrod that finally spoke, “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” replied Ruth, anything to take her mind off
their troubles.
“Why did you stay with your brother if you hated what he did
so much?”
Ruth was filled with trepidation as he asked such a
seemingly innocent question. A question
that would require an answer filled with horrible memories she’d managed to
keep hidden.
“It’s a very long story,” sighed Ruth, looking for some way
to forestall the conversation.
Jarrod chuckled, trying to lighten their situation. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Shaking her head in resignation, she started to speak, “I
had no choice really. Where else could
I go? I thought at the time that it was my only option. By the time I realized what he was like and
what he’d become, it was too late.
He...” Before Ruth could finish,
the ground began to tremble with an aftershock and the world around them was
filled with the sound of boards moving and cracking at the added stress. Ruth squeezed the hand that held hers and her
screams filled the air as everything settled above her. Jarrod was helpless as debris once more
rained down on them and he moved to try and shield Ruth from the worst of
it. Her screams stopped and the hand in
his went limp. Jarrod felt his world
fall apart as he cried out in fear, “Ruthhhhhh!!”
Part 20
The big man worked until his hands bled removing boards and
rubble. He worked through the night,
letting his obsession at getting to those below carry his workload. His progress was slow, and it didn’t appear
he was doing anything but for the mounting pile behind him, and it looked like
any other debris pile. It was well into
the morning when he heard someone approach and recognizing the two cowboys he
hurried out the back not willing to be seen.
Victoria, Nick and Heath departed the train in San
Francisco, anxious for more information.
They were lucky they had come on the inbound train, the outbound trains
being loaded with panicked residents wanting out of the city. The telegram had been vague, and all they
knew was that Jarrod and Ruth were missing in the wreckage and the children
were at the American Hotel. The whole
city was reeling from the after effects of the earthquake. While the quake wasn’t as bad as the one in
‘68, some of the buildings just weren’t built to withstand the tremors. Having no details, they went to the hotel to
find the children and see if J.T. couldn’t provide them with some answers.
*********
Nick and Heath stood in front of what was left of Jarrod’s
townhouse, gaping at the wreckage. Only
three sides remained on the house and some of the upper floor and roof had
collapsed inward. Neither man moved as
they surveyed the damage, both wondering if it was possible to survive such
devastation. The two men worked their
way in and out of the debris yelling for both Jarrod and Ruth, but no one ever
answered their desperate cries. The
thought of Jarrod and Ruth living through such destruction was weighing heavily
on their minds and Nick wasted no time jumping in and removing rubble from the
inside of the house. Heath shook his head and thought more objectively. The amount of debris could take two men
forever to clear away and they didn’t have that long. Heath called out to Nick, but his brother was driven by worry and
fear and never heard him as he pulled boards from the pile and hauled them
away. The only way to get his attention
was to physically stop him and Heath grabbed Nick’s arm on the way by, “Nick,
would ya stop for a minute.”
Glaring at him, Nick said desperately, “We ain’t got time to
stop.” Pulling from Heath’s grasp, he
tried to return to work, but Heath grabbed him firmly by the shoulders and spun
him around.
“Listen ta me Nick. We can’t do this by ourselves. We need
help.” His arm gestured to the pile of rubbish that filled the main portion of
the house. “Look at it, Nick. I mean really look at it. We need help!”
Nick shrugged from Heath’s grasp, “Fine. You go get help. I’m stayin’ here.” With that, he turned and went back to moving the debris. Heath shook his head sadly and went in search of help, leaving Nick to deal with his demons. It was more than two hours before he returned with ten men. The call of money was all the incentive they needed to go to work clearing away the debris. Every now and then progress was stopped and they called out to Jarrod and Ruth always hopeful for some sort of response and only towards evening did they hear a weak reply coming from below the rubble.
Jarrod woke to the sound of his name being called but he could only squeak out a reply, his throat dry and scratchy from dust and lack of water. It took him a second to reorient himself to the situation and he forgot about everything but Ruth. Reaching out, he moved his arm in frantic sweeping motions trying to locate her. As he brushed her arm, he scooted closer and cried out at the pain that shot through his right calf. Ignoring it, he pulled himself next to Ruth, anxious about what he might find. His voice wavered with his fear, “Ruth?”
Startled from sleep, Ruth’s head jerked up, “Jarrod!” Tears accompanied her rambled speech, “You wouldn’t answer. I was afraid you were gone. Oh god, I’m so glad you’re alive. Don’t leave me.” Jarrod pushed closer, afraid if he didn’t settle her down she would pass out. Already her breathing was labored and talking was taking away her precious supply of air.
“Calm down, Ruth. I’m right here. I’m fine, I’m not going anywhere.” He was far from fine, but he was alive and that was about the best they could hope for at this point. It was impossible to tell how long they’d been trapped, but Jarrod was already feeling the effects of no water as was Ruth. It was then that Jarrod remembered what woke him, “Did you hear someone calling out to us?”
“No. I must have fallen asleep.” At that time the activity above them resumed and there was no mistaking that someone was moving above them. Relief flooded through both of them and they yelled in unison, “HELP!” The effort was too much and Ruth began gasping for air, panic setting in when she could only take short breaths with the pressure on her chest. The earlier aftershock had freed up her legs enough to alleviate her pain but had added to the weight bearing down on her from above.
Jarrod took her hand in his and spoke in a calm that belied his own fear, “Ruth, you need to relax. Try to take a slower breath. Please...for me.” Slowly, her breathing began to calm and Jarrod sighed his relief, “That’s better. Keep it nice and slow.”
Finally feeling in more control, Ruth squeezed the hand that held hers, “I’m sorry.”
Taking her hand, he held it to his cheek, “Nothing to be sorry for. You just hold on ‘til help arrives.” Her fingers caressed his cheek and Jarrod leaned into her touch, his voice dropping as he spoke “I can’t lose you now.”
Their quiet reverie was broken by the sounds of the men above them and their darkness was suddenly pierced by a thin beam of light. Jarrod bit back a cry of alarm, shocked at how badly Ruth was trapped. His careful bracing seemed insignificant to hold back the mountain of debris resting firmly on her back. More light filtered in and Nick poked his head through the small hole, “JARROD!”
Covering his eyes against the blinding glare, Jarrod called back, “Down here, Nick!”
Nick’s voice was laced with worry as he asked, “Ruth?”
“She’s here with me.”
“You two okay?”
“Hurry, Nick.” Jarrod didn’t want Ruth to know how terrified he was for her but Nick got the message and Jarrod could hear him issuing orders to the others. He could finally see Ruth in the grayness but even with the diminished light he could see the paleness in her face and he stayed close to her as she drifted in and out of consciousness. As he waited, it was getting harder and harder to ignore his own pain. His head throbbed unmercifully and his calf felt like it was on fire. Twisting in the wreckage he tried to see why his leg hurt so bad but the limited space didn’t give him enough room. Reaching down with his hand, he immediately realized the problem. A large splinter of wood protruded all the way through his calf, and even his cautious touch sent screaming pain into his leg. Breathing heavily, he hastily removed his now bloody hand and tried to ignore it. The wood was probably keeping the bleeding in check and even if he could remove it there was little he could do where he was. Ignoring it seemed the best solution, so he turned his attention back to Ruth, who was struggling with every breath and did his best to comfort her.
Jarrod tried to watch the progress above him, put looking up only got him a face full of dust and debris. Ruth was oblivious to it all, or so he thought. As the men got closer, Ruth’s head shot up and her mouth opened to pull air into lungs that refused to take it in, her eyes wide with panic. Her hand clawed towards Jarrod and he yelled to those above, “STOP! OH GOD STOP! YOU’RE CRUSHING HER!”
Nick’s bellow echoed from above as they pulled everyone off the pile. Jarrod moved with speed born of desperation to get under Ruth. Squeezing into the limited space, he got his knees under him and used his back to push against the crushing weight. He was rewarded with a deep gasp of air from Ruth. Tears of despair and happiness combined in a single moment, and he braced his forearms on his thighs, holding the mass of debris up by sheer strength of will.
“Are you alright now?” Every word was punctuated by a breath of air and his body shook against the strain.
Ruth was taking her first deep breaths in several hours and could only nod. Every muscle in Jarrod’s body was tense and corded tight, the sweat of his efforts soaking him clear through. His back rebelled and his face clenched in pain when the already tender muscles spasmed. A groan escaped him and anguish spilled into his voice as he grunted, “Can... you... squeeze... out?”
“I can’t move my legs, Jarrod. They’re numb.” She hadn’t wanted to worry him, but he needed to know that she wasn’t going to be much help. The arm under her had lost feeling so long ago she’d forgotten all about it. Her other arm was in such a position that she couldn’t even use it for leverage.
A wave of dizziness passed over Jarrod and as his body relaxed, his burden inched downward. Ruth suddenly gasped for air and Jarrod narrowed his concentration, arching his back upward to take the weight off her chest again. His eyes were closed tight and his hands dropped to the ground. He tried to lock his elbows to transfer the weight from his back to his arms, but there just wasn’t enough room. The pain was everywhere, nothing seemed untouched by it.
Ruth could hear his ragged breathing and even in the dim light she could see he was struggling. Afraid for him, she took a deep breath and called out, “PLEASE, WE NEED HELP! NOW!” Jarrod was unaware of the scrambling above him, all he could feel was a sudden increase of pressure on his back and his muscles trembled at the added weight when just as suddenly it was gone.
Heath’s voice came from right in front of him, “JARROD!”
Jarrod felt his brother’s hand on his shoulder but it did little to comfort him, his concern for Ruth paramount. His face mirrored his discomfort and fatigue as he pleaded with Heath for help. “Get...her...out!”
“Alright Jarrod, just hold on. I need to see how bad it is.” Heath looked at Ruth and asked quickly, “Ruth can you move at all?”
Ruth shook her head, “I can’t feel my legs Heath.”
Heath dropped down on the other side of Ruth and did a backward crawl under the heavy beam that supported her and all the rubble above them. One end sat on the ground and the other jutted at an angle into the debris. Ruth had landed atop the diagonal beam along with some other boards and that was all that was holding a heavy roof section in place, that and the braces that Jarrod had put in. Heath copied Jarrod’s position and having more room, was able to get more leverage with his legs. Ever so slowly Heath could feel the roof section begin to move and he reached towards Ruth with a free hand and tried pulling her over the beam. Ruth was struggling to help, and when her head finally cleared the beam, she fell the short distance to the ground in a heap. Heath glanced at Jarrod, who was trying desperately to overcome his fatigue to help Ruth. Jarrod crawled out from under the beam as if in slow motion, and Heath began to worry that his brother was hurt worse than he originally realized. In the shadows of the debris it was difficult to see him, but now that he was out in the light, Heath could see the dried blood that covered his face and had soaked into his shirt. Jarrod winced with every movement and Heath tried to get him moving, afraid for both of them. “Pull her out!”
Jarrod did as he was told and Heath slowly lowered the roof section down, making sure it was securely resting on the beam before scooting clear of the death trap himself. Jarrod was gently rocking Ruth in his lap and had his head buried in her shoulder, completely exhausted. Heath slid beside them and dropped his hand on Jarrod’s shoulder, “Let’s get you both out of here.”