Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program Big Valley are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the authors. The ideas expressed in this story are copywrited by the author.

 

True Intentions- by nutterone

 

21

 

None of the men noticed Victoria’s arrival.  “He won’t be riding until Dr. Merar says he can.  Might I remind you, he still has a broken leg?” 

 

Victoria had meant to convey maternal concern.  Heath didn’t know why she would do that, so he assumed she meant he couldn’t do it.  “She’s right.  It won’t work.”  He turned and made his way back to the house.  In the foyer he bypassed the main stairwell opting instead for the back stairs.  He couldn’t bring himself to climb the grand staircase.

 

Victoria looked at her sons, thunderstruck.  “I…”

 

“It’s alright, Mother.  It was a long shot anyway.”  Jarrod’s words were empty to them all.

 

“No, it’s a good idea.  I’ll get Doc out here tomorrow.  He’s moving pretty good on that leg.  I bet he could try a horse.”  Nick was letting nothing deter him. 

 

Victoria nodded to Jarrod, who understood his mother wanted a moment with Nick.  “I think I’ll go try and talk to him.”

 

When Jarrod had left, Victoria began.  “I’m proud of you, Nick.”

 

Curious as to the compliment, Nick asked. “What for?”

 

“Your patience with Heath.  If anyone is going to bring him into this family, it will be you.”

 

“You’re the one who let him in, Mother.”

 

“Not really.”

 

Nick could tell his mother wanted to say more.  “What is it you really want to ask?”

 

She laughed and then grew sober.  “Why the change?  You never trusted him when he worked for us.  You were almost against searching for him.  Why this now?”

 

Nick was silent for a time.  “Father.”

 

“Go on.”

 

“He’s so much like Father.”

 

“And?”

 

“He’s just…”

 

“Just what?”

 

“He belongs here.”  Nick paused to gather his thoughts.  “He was a natural at this job.  Sure, I didn’t trust him when he came.  How could I?”

 

“Maybe you sensed something more in him?  Maybe you got a sense of your father?”

 

He nodded.  “Did you?  Is that why you ordered the report?”

 

“I did.”

 

“Did you want to be wrong?”

 

“I can’t answer that, Nick.”

 

“He started working in a mine at six.  I was chompin’ at the bit to help Father at six.  When we were in the mine…”

 

“Go on, Nick.  What happened in the mine?”

 

“The fact that he was even there.  Watching him work on the ranch, you knew he was born to it, and yet he fell back on the mines.  He lives in survival mode and I live here.”

 

“What happened when he was trapped?”

 

“It was obvious his arm was lost.  There was nothing left to it.  He didn’t even think twice about losing the arm, he simply plunged the knife into his own arm.  He’d cut his own arm off, rather then risk dying in a mine shaft.”  He paused again, obviously choked up.  “I couldn’t have done it.”

 

“But you did.”

 

Nick released a laugh.  “Sure, I cut my brother’s arm off.  It wasn’t even hard.  The bone was already snapped.”

 

“You saved his life.”

 

“Did I?  He sure don’t know it.”

 

“Your father knew his share of adversity.”

 

“And so has Heath.”

 

“I still don’t understand the change.”

 

“He’s my brother.  It’s like you said.  He’s a part of Father.  I can’t explain it.  It just feels right.  It feels like he belongs here.”

 

Inside, Jarrod made it to Heath’s room before Heath did.  He knocked and hearing no response, he entered.  He looked around the room.  There was no indication that anyone lived there other then the disheveled bedclothes.  It suddenly occurred to Jarrod that they never took the time to gather any of Heath’s things.  Somewhere in Mexico were his brother’s belongings.  They had picked him up a few sets of clothes, but nothing else.  Jarrod formed his own plan in regards to his brother.

 

“You need somethin’? 

 

Jarrod hadn’t noticed Heath’s return.  “I was looking for you.”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Chess?  Checkers?  I thought we might play.”

 

“I thought you were a billiards player.” 

 

“Not always.”

 

Heath shook his head.  “No, thanks.  That walk out to the barn wore me out.”

 

“That’s the idea.  You can rest here in bed.  I’ll bring the game.”

 

Jarrod swept past his stunned brother and quickly returned with a checkerboard under his arm.  He indicated to Heath to move over so there would be enough room on the bed near his arm.  Jarrod hid his smile when the man complied.  They didn’t say much, but played for an hour or so. 

 

When natural yawns emanated from Heath’s mouth, Jarrod concluded the evening.  “It’s been a long day for you.  How about a rematch tomorrow night?”

 

Jarrod was shocked when Heath agreed.

 

Nick met Silas in the kitchen the following morning.  “Silas, fix up a breakfast for Heath and me, will ya?  I’m gonna go get him up.”

 

“He’s already up, Mistah Nick.”

 

“What?  How do you know?”

 

“He jes went back up dem stairs.”

 

“He was downstairs?”

 

“He has been most mornings.  He moves a might slow but he goes outside to watch the sunrise and then has hisself a cup o’ coffee before going back up.  Sure does take him a spell to manage those stairs with only one good arm and one good leg.  It’s no wonder he goes back to sleep.”

 

Nick sat on the information, knowing it would be useful at some point.  “You make up that breakfast, please.  I’m gonna hitch and load the wagon and then I’ll wake him up.”

 

Nick hitched the wagon and loaded it with the fencing supplies he needed for the morning.  He knew his mother wouldn’t like him taking Heath but he sensed that Heath needed a bit of his own freedom.  He had seen the look in his eyes last night when he talked about the horse.  In addition to the supplies, he saddled the best and gentlest mare they had and tied her to the back of the wagon.

 

Nick practically ran up the main stairs and nearly collided with his mother. 

“Nicholas!  What is your hurry?”

 

“I gotta get Heath.”

 

“Get Heath?  Why on earth for?”

 

“I’m takin’ him out with me for the morning.”

 

“No, you are not!  He needs rest and besides the doctor will be out today.”

 

“This afternoon!  And what he needs is some fresh air and sunshine.  He ain’t gonna work, well, not much.”

 

“Nick?”

 

“Mother, he needs to start feeling like a man again.  He can’t do that hidin’ in his room.”

 

“But…”

 

“He’ll ride in the wagon.  His leg’ll be fine.”  He didn’t dare tell his mother about the mare.

 

Victoria smiled, finally accepting the plan.  “Have him home for lunch.”

 

Nick leaned in and kissed his mother’s cheek.  “Will do!”

 

Nick knocked quickly but didn’t wait for a response.  He was too excited.  He found Heath asleep on the top of the bed in his sleep pants and an open shirt.  He chuckled to himself.  He must like the sunrise but not buttoning his jeans.  Nick moved to the bed and shook Heath’s good shoulder.  “Wake up!”

 

Heath was normally a light sleeper and it worried him to wake and find Nick standing over him  “Huh?”  He hadn’t quite shaken the sleep from his brain.

 

“I said, wake up.  We got to get going if I’m gonna have you back by lunch.”

 

“What?”  Heath’s focus was returning.

 

“We’re going for a ride.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Heath was dumbfounded.  Did he have to show Nick his stump?  All he could say was, “because.”

 

“Get dressed, we’re leaving in five minutes.”

 

Heath was remotely interested in Nick’s plan but knew he could never be ready in five minutes.  “I can’t…”

 

Nick cut him off.  “I said you’re going.”

 

Heath found his words.  “I can’t get ready that fast.”

 

Nick hadn’t thought of that.  “Oh…  You, ah, want some help?”

 

“No.  I just need a bit more time then that.”  Heath thought Nick looked dejected as he turned to leave.  He didn’t know that Nick was only worried about his mother seeing the mare.  “Ah, will you wait?”

 

Nick turned back to Heath.  “Of course.  See ya downstairs when you’re ready.”  He was just outside the door, when he turned back and added.  “Don’t dawdle.”

 

Curiosity inspiring him, Heath dressed as quickly as he could and ambled down the main stairs for the first time.  Nick was waiting.  Heath allowed Nick to help him climb to the seat and in no time they were underway.

 

“So, Nick.  Why the horse?”

 

“Well, I’m gonna be fixing a line of fence.  You’re gonna work on riding.”

 

“What?  Not yet, Nick.”

 

“Why not?  Men have often been known to ride with the reins in one hand.” 

 

“I know but what good is it gonna do?”

 

“You said it, Brother.  Freedom.”

 

Heath sat silently.  He wasn’t sure which word struck him more, brother or freedom.

He had to admit it felt good.  The sun was shining and the warm beams penetrated straight to his soul.  He breathed deeply and let the fresh air burn though the clogged passages in his lungs.  Nick could sense the calm that came over the blond and smiled.  He was beginning to think he was gonna be the one that knew this boy best. 

 

They arrived at the downed fencing and Nick set about working.  He made no attempt to help Heath down or suggest what he should do.  Heath gingerly made his way off the wagon seat and stretched out as he stood on solid earth.  He watched Nick haul supplies for a few minutes and decided he could maybe help some.  With his good arm he picked up a bail of wire and carried it over, limping only a bit. 

 

“Don’t strain yourself.”  Nick cautioned without stopping.  “Mother’ll have my hide.”

 

“I won’t.  Wouldn’t want your mother to get at that thin hide of yours.”  Heath chided.

 

“Is that so?  Well, smart mouth, go get us another bail and then you can help hold it.”

 

For the next hour or so, the two men worked together.  Heath held the wire taut while Nick pounded it into place.  Heath hadn’t felt this good for months. 

 

(insert picture)

 

“Let’s take a break.  I’m hungry.”  Nick pulled Heath to the shade of the tree and took out the basket containing Silas’ breakfast. 

 

Heath took a bite of a biscuit and smiled. 

 

“Whatcha smiling at?”  Nick asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“For cryin’ out loud.  Talk to me.  What were you smiling at?”

 

Heath stared at his feet, suddenly shy.  “It’s the first time in weeks that I’ve enjoyed food.” 

 

“Guess laying around don’t work up much appetite.”

 

“Nope.  Your ma don’t seem to understand that.”

 

Nick laughed.  “No, she does not.  She likes a man with a hearty appetite.”

 

“A man works for a hearty appetite.”

 

“Felt good, didn’t it?”

 

“Workin’ just now?  Yeah.  It did.”

 

Nick saw Heath’s eyes go to the mare.  “You wanna try her out.”

 

“Why did you choose her?”  Deep inside, Heath was thinking of the stallion from last night.

 

“She’s smart.  Takes a real easy lead.”

 

“A child’s pony?”

 

“Naw.  But she’d be good for getting back to ridin’.”  He winked.  “With one arm.”

 

Nick went back to work.  Heath sat watching the mare.  Finally, he rose and went to her side.  He spoke quietly to her, confiding his fears.  Without warning, he climbed on her back.  It wasn’t either easy or pretty but he made it.  For a time, he just sat there, enjoying the feel of a saddle under him.  Nick watched him from the corner of his eye.  He noted that Heath hadn’t taken her reins he just sat.  Nick figured it was a good start.

 

True Intentions 12

 

Later that day, Doctor Merar gave Heath permission to be up and about.  Victoria laughed to herself seeing how much happier Heath had seemed at lunch.  That afternoon, he stayed outside by the corrals.  He still kept to himself, but she saw it as progress.  That night at dinner, he even took part in the conversation.

 

“Nick.  There’s a pile of brush in the far corral that needs clearing.  I can start on it tomorrow.” 

 

The entire family was stunned at Heath’s statement, except Nick.  “Why didn’t you have some hands clear it today?  That’s a big job for any man.”

 

“Much less a one-armed man?”  Heath queried. 

 

Nick ignored the comment while the family watched silently.  “No.  I simply meant you should have told one of the hands to do it.”

 

“Who am I to be bossin’ your men around?”

 

“They’re our men.  They know they are to take your orders too.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

“Why would they take orders from me?”

 

“Because we told them to?”  Nick was enjoying this moment.  The rest of the family was still nervous.

 

“Just what did you tell them?”

 

“That you were Heath Barkley and what you say goes.”

 

“But…”  He was stunned.  “I’m not Heath Barkley.  I worked with those men.  They know I’m not.”

 

Victoria found her voice.  “You are Heath Barkley, if you wish.  We were going to ask you later, but since Nick has brought it up now…”

 

Heath could care less about the name at that moment.  This was almost too much for him.  “So everyone knows?”

 

“Yep, I guess.  It’s no secret.”

 

Heath pushed back from the table and stood.  “Maybe it was to me!”  He turned and left.

 

“Well, that went well.”  Jarrod watched the angry blond leave.

 

Nick helped himself to another serving of potatoes, ignoring Heath’s departure.  “He’ll be fine.”

 

“I guess he wasn’t ready for that.”  Victoria was dismayed.  She didn’t like the way the information was presented, but she had hoped he would take it as a sign of their commitment.

 

Nick looked his mother in the eyes.  “He’ll be fine.   I promise.”  He in turn made eye contact with each member of his family to reassure them.

 

Later that evening, Jarrod arrived at Heath’s door with a chess game.  “I thought perhaps chess tonight?”

 

“I’m tired, Jarrod.  Not tonight, please.”

 

Jarrod spoke with honesty.  “Heath, I can’t tell you I understand what you’re going through.  It’s impossible.  But…  I want to help.  We all do.  Please let us.”

 

“Why did you tell them?”

 

“We thought it would help.”

 

“How?”

 

“We want you to be part of this family.  We figured it would be easier for you if we made the first move.  I’m sorry we didn’t ask you first.”

 

“What do they say?”

 

“Who?”

 

“The men?”

 

“Not much, at least not to our face.  Duke had a lot to do with that.  He suspected as well, did you know that?”

 

“No.”

 

“He did.  He’d worked a long time at Father’s side.”

 

“I hate him.”

 

“Duke?”

 

“No, your father.”

 

“That I can understand.  Since finding out about you, I’ve hated him a time or two as well.  Your life wasn’t fair.  You should have been here with us.”

 

“No, you’re wrong.  I shouldn’t have existed at all.  He should have stayed faithful to his wife.”

 

“Things happen for a reason.”

 

The statement angered Heath anew.  “That is real easy for a man who’s had all he ever wanted his whole life.”

 

Jarrod needed a moment for his response.  “I can’t change your past, Heath.  But I can change your future.  I want to.  We all do.  We all want you here.”

 

“You want me here to remind you of a man I hate.  What’s in it for me?”

 

“A family?”  Jarrod’s voice was barely above a whisper.  It was not often he was caught without words.  “Sleep well, Brother.”

 

Heath said nothing.  His day had run an emotional gambit for him and he was truly exhausted. 

 

The next morning, Nick repeated his actions.  This time, Heath was waiting.  They left for more fencing, this time planning on being gone the whole day, much to Victoria’s concern.  After a few hours of fencing with little conversation, Nick called for a break.

 

“So, you’re just gonna be silent all day?”

 

“Got nothing to say.”

 

“Bet you’re thinking about a lot, though.”

 

Heath offered his first smile of the day.  “Maybe.”

 

“I would be.  Sorry the news was dumped on you last night.”

 

“I don’t intend to stay Nick.”

 

“We’ll see.”

 

Heath grabbed Nick’s arm and forced him to look at him.  “I’m not stayin’.”

 

“Sure.  Whatever you say.”

 

“I won’t live on your pity.”

 

“I ain’t offerin’ you no pity and don’t you ever think different.  You’ll notice where you are and what you been doin’ all morning.  This is a workin’ ranch and no one gets pity.”

 

Heath shook his head slowly.  “You’re standin’ there expectin’ me to believe I’d be here if it weren’t for this?”  He pointed at his stump.

 

“Yes.   We had Pinkerton searching for you since you left San Diego and you know that.”  Nick allowed his frustration to rise.  “Life ain’t handed you the easiest of cards but we’re trying to show you it ain’t over.  Don’tcha think it’s about time you stopped your pity party and just accept us?  We ain’t goin’ away.”  As an afterthought he added.  “And neither are you.”

 

Heath got up and walked over to the mare, again along for the ride, thinking about Nick’s words.  His mind just couldn’t grasp that this family was so willing to accept him.  It went against all the assumptions he had made over the years.  He stroked the mare’s mane and again mounted her.  He pulled the reins into his hand and settled them between his fingers, assuming he would have to develop his control from there.  Nick pretended to go back to work but watched Heath closely from the corner of his eye.  Heath pulled back on the reins.  As if he hadn’t really expected it to work, he was surprised when the mare lurched into backward motion.  Nick saw the startled expression on Heath’s face and ran to capture the bridle.

 

“What are you doin’?”  Heath hollered at Nick.

 

“Helping you out!  Let me guide her as you get used to the reins.”

 

“Let go!”

 

“And watch you lose control?  No way.  I’ll just stick close to help out.”

 

“I said, LET GO!”

 

“NO!”

 

“I ain’t no child.  I can handle a horse.”

 

“Prove it!”

 

Heath had no idea whether he could do it or not, but he refused to be lead around like a small child.  He pulled harshly back on the reins causing the mare to rear up and dislodge Nick from her bridle.  With a sharp rap to her sides, Heath eased up on his hold and spurred her forward.  Unsettled by recent events, she ran all out.  Nick stood helplessly watching as his brother rode off.  It was obvious Heath didn’t have control over her direction.  She was moving too fast for him.

 

Heath struggled to grasp the reins.  His fingers weren’t used to the hold and he had no control over her.  He decided it was in his best interest to let her run.  Ironically, the all out aimless run felt wonderful to him.  For the first time in a very long time, he felt free.  As she ran toward a stand of trees, he became more nervous and ordered his hand to tighten up and pull back.  “Whoa!”  He called out to the animal.  She didn’t immediately respond but she did slow down some.   Using exaggerated gestures, Heath pulled the reins far to the left and she veered left avoiding the trees.  Again Heath pulled back, hard, and finally she came to a stop.  Heath took a few deep, cleansing breaths.  To no one in particular, he said.  “Tweren’t pretty, but it can be done.”  He smiled broadly.  He bent over and used his teeth to pull the reins tighter in his hand and was pleased to find better control.  He spent the rest of the afternoon riding in the fields around Nick as he finished fencing. 

 

* * *

Victoria was reading in the front parlor when she heard a carriage pull up outside the doors.  She set her book down and waved off Silas, who she met in the foyer.  Opening the doors, she saw an elegant enclosed carriage, dirty with obvious distant travel.  The driver jumped down and opened the carriage door, revealing a beautiful Mexican woman.

 

Victoria stepped closer and extended her hand.  “Buenos Dias! I’m Victoria Barkley. How can I help you?”

 

The woman now stood in front of Victoria.  “Buenos Dias, Señora Barkley.  I am Lupe Escobar.  I am looking for Heath Thomson.  I heard he was here.”

 

Victoria’s curiosity was piqued.  “I’m afraid he’s not here.”  She saw a moment of fear pass the woman’s eyes and quickly added.  “He’s out on the range with his brother.”

 

“His brother?  On the range?  Did he not lose his arm?  I had heard he was badly injured.”

 

“He was but he is doing much better now.  Would you like to come inside and wait for him?”

 

“Oh, no, Señora.  It would not be right.”  It was obvious to Lupe that Victoria had no idea who she was. 

 

“Not right?  You have traveled a long way to see him.  Please, come in!”

 

“I really should just leave his things and be going.  It is a long journey home.”

 

“You brought his things?”

 

“Yes.”  Lupe smiled.  “What little he had.  He does not travel with much.”

 

Victoria smiled.  “No, I suppose not.  This makes it even more important for you to come in and wait for him.”

 

Lupe deliberated.  “Very well, thank you, Señora.”

 

After escorting Lupe into the parlor Victoria ordered tea and light sandwiches and took a seat opposite the beautiful woman.  She wasn’t young, but was aging well.  Victoria imagined Heath was quite taken with the woman.

 

“You have traveled a long way for my so… Heath.”  Victoria was pleasantly surprised at her comment.  It was not lost on Lupe either.

 

Lupe smiled.  “You have been caught by his spell as well, I see.”

 

“His spell?” 

 

“Heath is a stubborn man but one can’t help but care for him.”

 

“He’s a good man and a welcome addition to our family.”

 

“He brings a lot of anger with him.”

 

“He has every reason to hold that anger.  It is my hope we can help him heal.”

 

“Why?”  Lupe was like many others.  She had no idea why the woman would be so gracious to her husband’s illegitimate son.

 

“He’s a good man and my husband’s son, why wouldn’t I?”

 

“You’re a better woman then most.  I know he didn’t expect that.”

 

Victoria laughed.  “I think you’re right.  Tell me, how do you know him?  He tells us so little about himself.”

 

“He’s a private man.”

 

Victoria nodded.  “Yes, he is.  Does this mean you won’t answer my question?”

 

Lupe thought for a moment.  “If I thought you didn’t want what was good for him, I wouldn’t.  I own a cantina in Mexico.  Heath showed up years ago after your civil war.  He was in a bad way.”  Lupe stopped to gather her words.

 

“And you helped him?”

 

“I took him in, so to say.”

 

“Do you love him?”

 

“Heath and I are not meant to be.  But yes, I love him.”  She paused not interrupted by Victoria this time.  “He returns to me from time to time.”

 

“When he needs you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What about when you need him?”  Victoria could see the love in Lupe’s eyes when she spoke of Heath.  There was an age difference, but she wondered why they didn’t remain together.  She smiled at the devotion Heath inspired in people who knew him and that her family had already begun to show that same kind of devotion.

 

“As I said, there is no future for us.  We will remain…  good friends, nothing more.”

 

The women visited longer, sharing a light snack and tea.  Victoria asked Lupe to stay a few days.  She refused.  Victoria next tried for dinner but again Lupe refused.  “Is there somewhere I might freshen up and then I will get underway.”

 

“Certainly.  But you will stay to see Heath?”

 

Lupe smiled and her eyes shown with wisdom.  “No, I don’t think so.”

 

“But why not?”

 

“I hear in your words of Heath’s struggle.  I don’t think my presence will help him adjust here.”

 

“You think he might leave with you?”

 

“I might even suggest you wait a few days to tell him of my visit.”

 

“You don’t think he’ll stay with us?”

 

“I do not presume to predict his actions, Señora.  I bring with me, items of his past.  Certainly he will be happy to see his horse, but the other reminders might be painful.  It is easy for a man to live in the past.”

 

Victoria understood.  “But it isn’t healthy.”

 

“No, it is not.  I think we understand each other.”

 

“I think we do.  Thank you.”

 

Lupe freshened up and prepared to leave. 

 

“I still can’t believe you have traveled all this way and won’t see him.”

 

“Señora…”  Lupe struggled for the right words.  “If I didn’t sense the good intentions you have for him, I would have stayed.  I sense that he can finally find peace here.  He wouldn’t find it in Mexico.  We have long spoken of it.”

 

Victoria was overcome with emotion.  “I promise you, we will do all we can for him.”

Lupe smiled.  “I know you will.”

 

As the carriage drove off, Victoria stood in front of her magnificent home, feeling the weight of her task, but recommitting herself to it.  Heath Thomson Barkley was home.  She just needed to show him that.

 

True Intentions 24

 

There was no doubt in Heath’s mind that he had overdone it today.  His stump ached, his hand ached and his leg ached.  There wasn’t much on Heath’s body that didn’t hurt him some.  He tried hiding it from Nick, but it wasn’t working.

 

“Why don’t you let me clean up quick and then soak in a hot tub?” 

 

Heath knew Nick’s offer was genuine.  “I think I might just head to bed.  I’m beat.”

 

“I know ya are but soaking them muscles would be a good idea or you’ll be useless tomorrow.”

 

“Tomorrow?”

 

“Sure, we bought some calves from Johnson and they need branding.”

 

“Nick, I appreciate that you are pushing me to do what I can, but I don’t think there’s any way I can wrangle a calf.”  He added somewhat softer.  “Those days are over for sure.”

 

Nick sensed the mood and understood.  “No, but you can stick ‘em with the brand can’t ya?”

 

Although Heath smiled at the truth of the statement, it didn’t chase his melancholy away.  “Never thought I’d miss wrestling with a cow.”

 

Nick laughed.  “Ah, I don’t think you’ll miss it for long!”  He was rewarded with a small laugh from Heath.

 

Heath did take Nick up on the offer and thoroughly enjoyed the soak.  He’d never been in a tub as fine as this, much less in a separate room of the house.  He found himself liking it, which of course, bothered him.  He felt he was getting soft.  He did a lot of thinking in the tub.  He didn’t want to fall asleep and risk being hauled out by Nick or Jarrod.  His thoughts ran many directions.  He dwelt the most on his feelings toward the family.  In a way it anger him. He was beginning to admit to himself that they could help him.  This angered him more.  He didn’t want to depend on anyone.  He wanted to do for himself.  He had always intended to show the Barkleys his true self.  It wasn’t happening the way he wanted. 

 

The family was gathered for dinner in the parlor, awaiting Heath’s arrival.

 

“Nick, would you go get Heath.  Dinner is ready.”

 

“Mother, I asked Silas to bring him up a tray.  He’s beat.”

 

“Nick!  You can’t work him so hard.  He’s still recovering.”

 

“I’m not pushing him.  He helps me or he doesn’t.  Besides today he was riding.”

 

“Riding?  That’s wonderful.”  Audra was very excited.

 

“That is good news.  How’s he doing?”  Jarrod asked.

 

“Pretty good.  It took him a while to figure out the reins, but I think he’s got them down.”

 

“Already?  It’s rather soon, isn’t it?”  Victoria was concerned about his progress.

 

“He’s a natural.  He had a couple rough spots but in general I think he’s surprised at the things he can still do.  I tell ya something else.  By the time he’s back to full capacity, I wouldn’t want to take on that left arm of his.”

 

“Getting pretty strong, huh?”  Jarrod smiled.

 

“Gonna be for sure.”

 

“Well, that spoils my plans for this evening.”  Jarrod lamented.

 

“What were those?”  Audra asked.

 

“I finalized the documents to give him his share of the estate.  I only need all our signatures and his.”

 

“That’s wonderful, Jarrod.  Let me sign!”  Audra was very enthusiastic.

 

“It is good news.”  Nick added.

 

“Is he ready for this?”  Victoria wondered aloud.

 

“I hope so.  I thought it would strengthen how serious we are.”  Jarrod countered.

 

“Perhaps, but I don’t want him feeling pressured.  The decision to stay is his and his alone.”  Victoria was adamant in her words.

 

“Certainly, Mother.  However, even if he does go, he can feel free to go with the full backing of the Barkley name and finances.”

 

“True, Jarrod.  But if he chooses to go, I don’t think he’ll care about those things.”  Victoria knew she was dampening everyone’s spirits but she wanted them to be prepared for the worst.

 

“Mother, isn’t Gene coming home this weekend?”

 

“Yes, Nick.  He is taking a long weekend to see Heath.”

 

“And us, I hope.”  Audra added with a smile.

 

“Yes, Darling.”  Victoria smiled, thinking of her conversation with Lupe earlier.

Nick continued.  “Why don’t we wait until Gene’s here to spring the paperwork on him.”

 

“Good idea, Nick.  Everyone agree?”  Jarrod scanned the room and saw nodding heads.

 

After dinner, Victoria sat alone on the patio near her garden.  She was trying to decide when to give Heath his belongings.  Her mother’s intuition told her it would not go well.  She knew delaying would only make matters worse, but she also knew the documents could also go badly.  For the first time since Heath’s existence came into her awareness, she called out in anger to her husband’s ghost.  “Oh, Tom.  What do I do?  He’s your son.  There’s no denying it.  How could you leave him?  Why didn’t you check on her?  His whole life is a testament to your error and it hasn’t been good.  Are you watching him now?  Do you see his pain?  Do you feel it?”  Expressing her frustrations aloud helped her anger abate.  “I think I could have forgiven you, Tom but I don’t know that I expect this man to.  How could he?  He was lost and abandoned by his father.  I suppose I can’t blame you entirely.  It does take two people.  Did you love her?  Did she love you?  Why didn’t she tell you?  We could have helped.”  Emotion was overwhelming her.  Tears filled her eyes.  “I can’t let him hate you.  He has to heal.  He has enough of an obstacle in life, now.  He doesn’t need a burdened heart as well.  How do I help him, Tom?  How?”

 

The next morning, Audra knocked on Heath’s door.  Heath was expecting Nick to just enter, so he said nothing.  The knock came again a bit louder.

 

“Come in!”  He called out, wondering who it was.

 

“Morning, Heath!”  Audra was bright and chipper.

 

“Mornin’!  I was expecting Nick.”

 

“Nope.  Not today.  Mother forbid him from putting you to work today.”

 

“Why?”

 

Audra laughed, sensing Heath’s concern.  “She doesn’t want you over doing it.”

 

“I didn’t.”  Heath was agitated.

 

“Well, I had a better idea anyway.  Come riding with me, please!”

 

“I dunno, Audra.  I…”

 

“Nick told us you did great yesterday, please?”

 

“Ok.”  Heath knew he needed more practice.

 

They walked to the stables and Audra chatted the whole time.  When they entered, he noticed the mare stabled next to Audra’s horse.  He figured Nick had done that, knowing Audra’s plan. 

 

Audra quickly went about saddling her horse.  Heath looked at the unsaddled mare and looked at the saddle he’d been using hanging on the low wall.  He drew in a deep breath and decided it was time to see how he did saddling one handed.  He grabbed the horn with his hand and pulled at it.  It was awkward and he fumbled a lot.  Audra quickly finished her horse and looked at Heath.

 

“Oh, Heath!  I’m so sorry.  I didn’t think.”

”Sal’right.  I figured I’d see how I could do.”  He looked at how little he had accomplished. 

 

“Can I help?”

 

Heath appreciated her asking.  She didn’t just start in to help him.  She asked.  “Thanks.”

 

Heath was surprised at how well they worked together.  Audra didn’t just step in and do all the work.  It was a joint effort and in no time the two were off riding.  The morning went by quickly and once again Heath was enjoying the feeling of freedom.  The reins of a horse were beginning to feel comfortable in one hand as well. 

 

Audra slowed down as they neared the grove of oaks that held the grave of Tom Barkley.  “Can we stop?”

 

“Do what you like.”  Heath had no intention of dismounting for the man.

 

Audra straightened the plantings around the grave.  After a few minutes, she looked at Heath.  “Do you hate him that much?”

 

“I guess I do.”

 

“Heath.  I have to believe he didn’t know about you.  He would have helped.”

 

“Helped how?  Taken me away from my Ma?  Brought us here to live?  It doesn’t matter.  My ma’s shame would be the same and he’d still be fine.”

 

Audra was disturbed.  She was desperate to find something that could redeem her father in Heath’s eyes.  She needed for him to see their father through her eyes.  “The fact that your mother would still be shamed is not his fault.  That is society.”

 

“He never checked on her.  He gave her a baby and left town, never looking back.”  Heath knew Audra was trying to help him.  He figured she needed to keep seeing her Father as the man he was to her.  “Look, Audra, whatever he was to me.  I know he was a great father to you.  Nothing is going to take that from you.”

 

She looked at him with tears in her eyes.  “He can never be the man I thought he was anymore.”

 

“Because of me?”

 

She choked out.  “I’m sorry, Heath.  I am sorry he wasn’t perfect but I still love him.”

 

“You should.  He loved you.”

 

“I know he would have loved you too.”

 

“I don’t think so.  I’d have been a constant reminder of his failure.  A person don’t love that kind of reminder.”

 

“I think you’re wrong.  He’d be proud of you.”

 

“Why?  I ain’t done nothin’ to be proud of.”

 

“You’re wrong.  You have.  You took care of your mother.  You fought in the war.  You survived that awful camp and now you’re surviving your…”  She lost the words.

 

Heath knew what she meant.  His voice was quiet.  He didn’t intend for her to hear.  “I’m not sure I’m surviving it.”

 

They rode home in silence.  Victoria was in the yard and waved to them.  She met them at the entrance.  “How was the ride?”

 

“Nice.”  Heath answered first.  He wanted Audra to know it was ok.

 

Audra looked at him, receiving the message and nodded. 

 

Grabbing the pommel, Heath lifted himself off the saddle and over the side.  He looked at Audra and said.  “Let’s see how I do takin’ the saddle off and rubbin’ her down.”

 

He led the horse in and went to work.  Audra and Victoria followed him in.  Heath chatted with the mare as he worked.  He did better removing the saddle.  He was trying to impress the Barkley matriarch. 

 

As he finished, he looked to the end of the barn where bales of hay were waiting.  He saw the hooks men usually used.  He was trying to decide if he could manage a bale.  He walked to the end to try it out.  As he neared the bales, he glanced to his left and saw a familiar sight.  “Gal?”  Hearing her name caused his modoc to nicker in excitement and she stomped her feet a bit.

Heath moved to her.  It was his beloved horse, Gal.  “How’d you get here, Girl?”  His heart was warmed by the touch with his past.  He stroked her and she nuzzled him in return.  He led her out knowing she would prefer some time in the corral.  As he started toward the door, he saw Victoria looking at him.  He walked right by her and released the horse to run a bit.  Then he turned back to Victoria.

 

“How did Gal get here?”

 

Victoria took a deep breath.  “She was delivered yesterday.”

 

“Delivered by who?”

 

Victoria decided to ignore the question.  “There are more of your things in the house.”

 

“What?  Why didn’t you tell me?”  Heath was confused.  Why had she held this back from him.

 

“You were tired.  I intended to tell you today.”

 

“Who brought it?”

 

“Lupe.”

 

“Lupe?”  Heath was stunned.  “She was here?  She came all this way to bring me my stuff and she just left?”  Heath was feeling more lost then ever.  “Where is it?”

 

“In the study.  Heath…”

 

Heath brushed by her heading for the house.  Audra came to her mother’s side, not having heard the conversation, but seeing her mother distraught.  “Mother, what’s wrong?  Where’s Heath going?”

 

“Go get your brothers.”

 

“Mother…”

 

“Now, Audra!  Get them.”

 

True Intentions 14

 

Victoria followed Heath and found him in the study.  He had found his things and was going through his saddlebags.  Part of him was thrilled to have his meager belongings with him; the other was frightened of the implications.  He had his old life back if he wanted it.

 

“It’s not much to say for 20 odd years.”  Victoria spoke softly from the doorway.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me right away?”  Heath’s anger was showing.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“YOU  DON’T KNOW?”  Heath calmed himself.  “Why?”

 

“I thought it might bother you.”

 

“Bother me?  To finally have something of my own?  To have my life back?”

 

“You want me to believe it doesn’t hurt?”

 

Heath’s head bobbed slightly.  “It’s my life.”

 

“It was your life.  I’d prefer you now think of your life as here with us.”

 

“It’s still my life.”  He stuffed the few things back into the bag. 

 

Victoria moved to his side and offered him his gun belt.  “Don’t forget this.”

 

Anger flashed through his eyes and he snapped the worn belt from her hand.  He immediately saw that there was no way he could get the belt on with out help.  Even if he did get it on, the holster rested on his right thigh.  There was no arm to draw his gun with.  His legs gave out and he fell limply to the floor, clutching the belt to his chest.  He said nothing.  He simply sat there shaking his head slowly back and forth, trying to make his current reality go away.  Victoria sank to her knees beside him, resting her small arm across his shoulders.  She didn’t speak either, simply tried to comfort him with her presence.  Audra, Jarrod and Nick arrived in flurry but were waved off by Victoria.  They waited in the foyer for her to come out. 

 

Victoria had no idea how much time had passed but she decided to break the silence.  “I was hoping you’d have more clothing.  You’ll need more.  We’ll go into town tomorrow and order some before Gene’s train comes in.  We can have Arvid tailor the trousers to be easier to button and stitch up the sleeve.”  He gulped and she felt the huge shudder pass through his body.  She prayed it wasn’t ultimate defeat.  He had so many obstacles to overcome.

 

In a whisper, he asked her.  “Can I be alone, please?”

 

“Certainly.  I’ll send Nick in a few minutes to help you bring your things upstairs to your room.”

 

“That’s not necessary.”

 

Victoria panicked, thinking he intended to leave.  She took his chin in her gentle hand.  “Surely, you can’t be thinking of leaving.  Give us more time, please.”

 

He laughed softly.  “No.  Not yet, anyways.  I’ll get it myself.  Like you said.  It ain’t much.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

“Sure a lot of sorry people around here.”  Had he said it with a smile and twinkle in his eye, everyone would have laughed and tensions would have eased. 

 

Victoria joined her children in the foyer. 

 

“Is he alright, Mother?”  Jarrod was as concerned as the others.  “Why did you send for us?”

 

“He has his things.  I was afraid he would leave.”

 

“How did he take it?”  Nick asked.

 

“He couldn’t get his gun belt on.  Even if he could, it’s wrong.”

 

“He feels defenseless.”  Jarrod said aloud what they all knew.

 

“Why does a man need to have a gun?”  Audra lamented.

 

“Audra, this is a tough country.  A man can’t be out on the range without protection.”  Jarrod attempted to answer her question. 

 

Nick finished it.  “If a man can’t defend himself, his family and his property, it’ll be taken.  He risks everything he cares about.”

 

Ignoring his mother’s arm, Nick side stepped the group and entered the study.  Heath was trying to gather his belongings in one arm. 

 

“Let me help.”

 

“I’ll get it.  It ain’t much.”

 

“No, it’s not, but its more then an armful.”  Nick took the bedroll and holster.  “You’ve had this a long time, huh?”  He indicated the holster.

 

“She’s seen a lot.”

 

“There’s nothing like a snug fittin’ holster to make a man feel secure.”

 

“You got a point to make, Nick?”

 

“We can stop by the Wilson’s tomorrow when we go to get Eugene and have him fit you with a left side holster.”

 

“Can’t.  Your mother wants me to get new clothes.  It seems ya gotta have the right clothes to be a Barkley.”  He took the bedroll from Nick and left.  With those words, he receded back into himself. 

 

Heath found something hard within himself that night.  The Barkleys sure had a lot of words for him, but they would never understand him.  He made his plans to leave and he knew just how to get them to release him.

 

The following morning the entire family rode to town.  Heath was happy to be back on Gal’s back.  His own saddle went a long way to making him feel stronger and more optimistic.  He had no fear of controlling the horse with one arm.  He could have no arms and Gal would always take him where he needed to go.  He knew she read his mind. 

 

It was Heath’s first visit to town since his return.  He watched the faces of Stockton’s fine citizens as he rode in with the family.  He wondered how fast the news of who he was had spread?  He saw several ladies turn from the group and men eyed them with scorn.  To the credit of the family, they ignored it.  Inside, Heath swelled with pride.  He hadn’t planned for events to work out this way, but they didn’t hurt him.  It was nothing different then he had felt his whole life.

 

Heath pushed his response down deep when Audra and Victoria swept him off to the clothes shop.  For the next hour, he was poked and prodded and measured.  He had virtually no say in what they ordered for him.  He had no idea what some of the items were that they requested.  He took it well knowing it would be for naught.  It was a small comfort to him. 

 

They bid good-bye to Arvid but were stopped by Dr. Merar.  “Heath!”  He nodded his head to Victoria and Audra.  “Victoria!  Audra!  What brings you to town this morning?”

 

“We did some shopping for Heath and Gene’s coming in on the noon train.”  Audra was having a wonderful morning and her enthusiasm showed.

 

“Wonderful!  I don’t suppose you have a few minutes to stop in, Heath?”

 

“Is there something wrong, Howard?”  Victoria asked.

 

“No.  I just figure Heath’s been doing a lot more then he should and I want to make sure everything is healing fine.”

 

Victoria nodded her head in agreement.  “You’re absolutely correct, Howard.  I’ve already been scolding Nick.”

 

From nowhere, Heath defended Nick.  “It ain’t his fault.  Doc, I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine.”

 

“How about you let me be the judge of that?”

 

“Please, Heath?”  Audra entreated. 

 

Damn that girl.  She could make bees leave sweet flowers. “It ain’t necessary.”  Heath tried resisting but knew it wouldn’t work.

 

“He’ll be right along, Howard.”  Victoria gave a gentle nudge to Heath’s arm. 

 

Howard laughed.  “There’s nothing Victoria Barkley doesn’t get, is there young man?”

 

Heath didn’t respond.

 

In the doctor’s office, he was alone after being asked to remove his shirt.  Heath wondered if the doctor understood the time that took?  He was answered when his shirt was removed and still the doctor had not reappeared.  He found himself staring at his reflection in the looking glass that hung on the wall.  He stared at his chest.  He noted the diminished physique.  He had a strong, muscular chest but his inactivity had weakened him.  He knew that physique of youth would never return.  He would never be able to work hard enough to recover it.  One half of his body would always appear lopsided.  He turned slightly to reveal the stump of his arm. 

 

The doctor had removed a bit more of the arm upon his arrival in Barstow.  It had been necessary to remove the burned flesh and muscle.  In his words, he had neatened it up.  He had been able to sew flaps of skin together to provide a “finished” look to the stump.  He studied his “finished” stump.  It was still pink from healing skin.  The top of his arm looked puny.  He was moving his shoulder trying to make it change when Howard returned. 

 

“That’s good.”

 

“What?”

“Moving your arm like that.  It’ll help keep some muscle tone.”

 

“Why do I need muscle?”

 

“It will help keep you balanced.  You’d be surprised.  Now, sit up on that table and let me have a look.”

 

Heath complied.  Doctor Merar manipulated his arm and tested the knitting seams.  “I can tell you’ve been working.”

 

“How so?”

 

“The pinkness is from stretching.”

 

“How am I stretching the stump?  I barely move it.”

 

“Ah, Heath.  Skin in one giant organ.  Whenever you move, it all moves.  You might not feel it but it is all connected.”

 

“So you want me to stop moving?”

“On the contrary.  This is good for you.  We wouldn’t want your body freezing up on you.”

 

As if to no one, Heath said.  “Nope, wouldn’t want that.”

 

Howard finished his exam and handed Heath his shirt.  “I assume you no longer need any help with this?”

 

Heath didn’t answer but set about getting the shirt around his shoulders, unfazed by the doctor’s presence. 

 

“Physically, you’re doing well, Heath.  Better then one might expect even.”

 

“But?”

 

“How are you doing settling in at the house?”

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

“Heath, let me for a moment be a friend.”  He paused waiting for a response.  Getting none, he continued.  “This isn’t easy.  You’re a man who’s used to doing for himself.  Life is never going to be the same but it can still be good.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“I mean it.  The Barkleys will help.”

 

“They sure will.”

 

Howard became defensive of his friends.  “You have to let them.”

 

“Run my life?  I don’t think so, Doc but thanks.  I’ll be leaving soon.”

 

“Leaving?  You really think you can make it on your own?”

 

“Yep.  Gotta.”

 

“No, you don’t.”

 

“Yes,  I do.”  They met each other eye to eye and Howard saw his determination.  He also saw his pain for a brief moment. Heath continued.  “What do I owe you?”

 

Howard shook his head.  “Nothing.  It’s on the bill.”

 

“Fine.  Thanks for your help, Doc.  Have a nice day.” 

 

Howard got the hint and left the man alone to dress.  Victoria had sent Audra off to shop and had patiently waited for Heath in the Merar parlor. 

 

“Is he ok, Howard?”

 

“Physically, yes.  He says he is leaving.  Did you know that?”

 

Victoria drew in a deep breath.  “Yes.  We just can’t seem to reach him.  Every time it seems we make some progress, something happens and it all falls apart.”

 

“Victoria, if anyone can get through to that man, you can.  I know it.”

 

She smiled.  “I hope so.”

 

They met Eugene’s train and had lunch in town.  The brothers went for an afternoon ride and stopped by the lake for some fishing.  While Nick, Jarrod and Eugene pulled out fancy rods with reels and tackle, Heath searched for a thin branch. 

 

“I brought you a pole.”  Nick walked up behind Heath.

 

“No need.  A man can always find what he needs.”

 

“What about a line?”

 

“Got that on my saddle.”

 

Nick laughed.  “Always prepared, huh?”

 

“A man should always be prepared.”

 

The three brothers already had their lines in the water as Heath struggled to tie the string to his pole.  He was getting it on his own.  It was hard to watch him struggle when any one of them could have had it done for him in seconds but none would offer.  They understood dignity.

 

The brothers brought home fish enough for dinner and they cleaned up as Audra, Victoria and Silas cleaned and prepared them.  They enjoyed a festive dinner.  Heath was quiet but chuckled often enough to soothe the family’s worries. 

 

Nick clapped Heath on the back as they left the dining room for the study.  “Heath, my Boy, I think it’s time.”

The rest of the family blanched, not wanting Nick to bring the subject up quite yet. 

 

“Time for what?”  Heath asked.

 

“Time to figure out a way for you to play billiards.”

 

Giving no time for Heath to respond, he was swarmed by Eugene and Jarrod as well and pulled to the table.  They spent time trying various ways of holding the stick.  Heath played along, deep down enjoying the camaraderie with his brothers.  They finally settled upon an unorthodox hold.  Heath ran the stick over his stump to steady it and used a twist of his hand to fire it.  He wasn’t good, but it didn’t matter.  He was trying.

 

Heath hadn’t noticed Jarrod slip out.  Jarrod went quickly up the stairs to retrieve a package he and Nick had bought in town and stopped at Heath’s room.  He knew what he was about to do was wrong, but he decided it was for a good cause.  He entered the room and scanned it for his goal.  He saw the holster, slung across the bed frame, next to Heath’s meager belongings.  Jarrod’s heart ached as he saw what today was, a goodbye.  Heath meant to leave.  He pulled Heath’s handgun from the holster and opened the box.  Placing it inside, he recovered the box and moved quickly to rejoin the family. He prayed the whole time that this evening might change his younger brother’s mind.

 

Jarrod met his mother in the foyer. She had finished her role as well. She carried a tray loaded with a bottle of champagne and six flutes.  Jarrod pulled open the door for her and she stepped inside, clearing her throat for attention.  Jarrod followed.  Everyone in the room understood but Heath.

 

“What’s all this?”

 

“It’s a long over due party, Heath.”  Audra kissed his cheek and moved to help her mother. 

 

“What are we celebratin’?  Someone got a birthday?”

 

“Nope.  We just decided it was time we welcomed you properly to the family.”  Nick clapped his arm around Heath’s shoulders guiding him to the present on the desk.  “This is for you.  A small token from the rest of us.”

 

“Ya’ll got me clothes today. No need for anything else.”  Heath was leery of falling under their spell.

 

“Nonsense, Brother Heath.  We have years of birthdays to make up for.  This is just a small token of our esteem.”

 

“Jarrod!”  Audra chided him.

 

“You’re correct, Baby Sister.  Our love.”

 

Knowing Heath wouldn’t want to fumble with excess packaging, they had left the top of the box easy to remove.   Heath pulled it off easily and stared silently at the contents.

 

Jarrod placed his hand on Heath’s shoulder.  “I hope you don’t mind.  I added your own gun.”

 

Nick was nervous.  “It’s special, ya see.  We made sure you could get in and out of it easily. “  Nick pulled the new holster from the box and showed the group.  “You see.  You step into it.  It’s a full circle.  You can step into it, pull it up and then just tighten it around your hips.  And there’s a catch at your thigh too.  Pretty smart, huh?”

 

Heath was overwhelmed with emotions.  On one hand, he felt the presence of this family he fought closing in on his heart.  He also saw this holster.  Sure, it would feel good to strap iron onto his leg again, but he couldn’t shoot anything, yet.  He knew they were trying to help him feel like a man, not a cripple. 

 

Heath spoke quietly.  “I don’t know what to say.”

 

“Don’t say anything.  Try it on.”  Eugene grabbed the holster and set it on the floor.  The family watched as heath bent over, pulled it up and easily tightened it around his hips. 

 

“How’s it feel?”  Nick urged.

 

“Fine, just fine.”  Heath slowly released the strap holding his gun in.  He picked up the gun and held it in his left hand.  It felt strange.  He felt suddenly weak.  Ignoring his family, he raised the gun.  It shook in his hand. 

 

Jarrod placed his hand on Heath’s wrist and pushed downward.  He whispered softly.  “You’ll learn.  It will feel right, soon.”

 

Victoria broke the tense moment.  “Let’s have a drink, shall we?”

 

Nick popped the bottle and poured the glasses.  All around him, the family chattered and laughed.  When all had a glass, Victoria raised hers to Heath.  “To Heath.  Welcome to our family.”

 

The rest of the family cheered along.  “Here! Here!”

 

“There is only one step left, Heath.  One thing to make it official.”  Jarrod stepped around the desk and removed some papers from a drawer.  He held them up for all to see.

 

“What are those?”

 

“The documents that make all things legal.” 

 

“What things?”

 

“Your part of this family, of course!”  Nick chided.  He pushed Heath to the chair at the desk and sat him down.  “Just sign your name.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

Jarrod explained.  “There are several documents.  The first adds you to Father’s will.  He left the house to mother, but the Barkley holdings are to be divided among all his children.  That includes you.  We all agreed to it.  You now possess one sixth of all this.”  He gestured around him.

 

Nick pushed a pen into Heath’s left hand.  Heath held it awkwardly.  He hadn’t had to write much in his life.  His mother made sure he could read and write when he was denied the local school but other than the occasional letter home and signature on a pay roster, he didn’t write much.  Holding the pen, he knew he couldn’t do it.  He was right handed.  He couldn’t even sign his name to the documents that could set him up with a lavish life for good.  His heart froze and then splintered into a million pieces, not a one of them large enough to hold any love for his new family. 

 

Heath showed no outward expression.  “What are the other documents?” 

 

Jarrod paled.  It never once occurred to him that Heath would be unable to sign his name.  It was not something he most likely had begun re-teaching himself.  He cursed his lack of forethought.  The entire family was stunned into silence.

 

“Those are from me.”  Victoria stepped forward.  “You have a good understanding of the law in regards to your situation.  This is something only I could do.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Give you the name.”

 

“How?”

 

“I can adopt you.”

 

“I had a mother.  I don’t need a new one.”

 

The sting of his comments, although expected, still hurt.  “I understand how you feel.  I am not trying to take her place.  I am merely trying to correct my husband’s error.”  She could see immediately that she had chosen the wrong words.  A dark scowl passed over Heath’s face.  “You are entitled to the name.”

 

Heath growled.  “Who says I want that man’s name touching the one my mother chose with love?  The one she battled to protect all her life?”

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.  I only wanted to open this family to you.”

 

Heath rose from the seat.  “You only wanted to smooth things over for yourselves!  Maybe people wouldn’t sneer as much?  Maybe they’d forget sooner if the bastard was adopted by the widow?  NO!  I have no desire to make things easier for this family.  I NEVER DID!”

 

“What did you want?  What were your true intentions?”  Victoria stood her ground, having expected something bad.

 

 Heath laughed.  “When?  When I went to work for Crown?”

 

He had said it out loud.  Audra’s hands went to her face in shock.  None of them really wanted to believe the gossip they had heard.

 

“Or when I shot Nick that night on the trail?”

 

Eugene responded before Nick could, grabbing Heath by the collar.  “No!”  Even with one hand, Heath pushed Gene off.

 

“How does it feel?  To be betrayed?  The great Barkleys… used and abused.  Their good name dragged through the mud.”

 

Everyone was silent feeling the betrayal creep into their blood.  Only Victoria spoke.  “So it was your intent, all along, to destroy this family?  Make us feel the pain you spent your life feeling?”

 

Heath laughed.  It wasn’t evil or maniacal.  It was frustrated.  “No.” 

 

“Then tell us just what your intentions WERE?  Little Brother!”  There was no doubting the contempt in Nick’s voice when he spoke his words.

 

Heath said nothing. 

 

“Well, what were they?”  Nick got into Heath’s face and shoved him backward into the wall. 

 

“Nicholas!  Stop it.  Let him go!”  Victoria shouted to her son.  “Let him explain!”

 

Nick took his time easing up on Heath.  He stepped back with his family, obeying his mother’s command. 

 

Eugene’s voice cut the silence.  “No.  It can’t be Heath.  You’re lying!  You saved me.  You saved the herd.  You couldn’t be working for Crown.  You just couldn’t.”

 

“Well, I was.”  Heath felt bad only for Gene.  Nick had never trusted him and he really hadn’t outwardly hurt Audra and Jarrod. He knew Gene had trusted him and he had had good reason.  “Gene.  It was a means to an end.  Surely you can understand that.”

 

“Understand?  How could I?”  Gene retorted with anger.

 

“I just wanted…”

 

“Wanted what?”  Victoria pushed.

 

“To see who ya were and what you were about.”

 

“Then what?”

 

“What difference does it make?  My bags are packed and I’m leaving.”

 

“With nothing?”  Jarrod assumed the role of cool, calm lawyer.

 

Heath attempted humor.  “No, it seems I got me a new holster.  I’ll pass on the clothes.”

 

“I’m afraid we can’t just let you leave.  It wouldn’t be in the best interest of this family to let you just slip away and wait for another return.”

 

Heath knew where Jarrod was going.  “I guess I’m not leavin’ with one sixth, huh?”

 

Nick jumped in.  “Sure.  If you can sign it right now!”

 

“What do you want from me, Jarrod?”

 

“I’ll need to draft a letter, saying you’ll never return again to make a claim.  It will have to be notarized in town.  We can do it in the morning.  I’ll need someone to document your X.  I’m sure you can make a mark.”

 

“Jarrod, make him promise to never spread his sick rumors.”  Nick added.

 

“Sick rumors?”  Heath asked with a tense voice.

 

“You heard me!”

 

“I ain’t never lied to you and you know it.”

 

“I don’t think so.  I said it before and I’ll say it again, YOU ain’t no Barkley.  You never could be.  You’re nothin’ more then a two bit…”

 

“Nicholas!”  Victoria refused to let him use the next word.

 

“…hustler.”  Nick moved from the group to the liquor trolley and poured himself a stiff drink.  He swallowed in one gulp.

 

Heath moved past the group.  “I’ll get my things.  I’ll meet you at your office in the morning, Jarrod.  I’ll mark your damn papers and be gone.  I never wanted anything from you anyway.”  He paused and then added.  “Although I’m sure you don’t believe that.”

 

“Stay here tonight.”  Victoria’s request surprised them all.

 

“Mother!”

 

“There is no sense packing up twice.  Stay in your room.”

 

Heath nodded and left. 

 

True Intentions 15

 

No one slept much that night.  Jarrod found Nick in the parlor nursing a drink around 3am. 

 

“Want to tell me about it?”  Jarrod inquired.

 

“About what?  A brother who stabs me in the back.  NO.  He shoots me in the leg, I guess.”  Nick added with little bravado.

 

“We knew there was a chance he had been working for Crown.”

 

“Yep.  I was right all along.  Guess we won’t be doubting my instincts any more.”

 

“Can you forgive him?”

 

“Why?  Why do I have to?  He’s gonna ride out tomorrow and we’ll never see him again.”

 

“Nick!  You and I both know there’s nothing for him out there.  I bet he knows it, too. He just won’t admit it to himself.”

 

“He made his choice.”

 

“To tell us the truth?”

 

“He’ll be fine.  Didn’t cha ever listen to him?  He’s always been fine.”  Nick’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

 

“He had two arms then.  Who’s going to hire him, Nick?”

 

“Someone will.”

 

“Would you hire a one-armed cowboy?”

 

“If you’re feeling so bad about your dear brother, then send him packing with some money tomorrow.”

 

“Nick.”

 

“Don’t NICK me!  WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”

 

“I think if you asked, he’d stay.”

 

“Me?  Why me?  He shot ME, remember?”

 

“He didn’t know you then.  Now I’d like an answer.  Can you forgive him?”

 

“Are you trying to tell me that just because he had a hard life, I’m supposed to forgive him?  He’s lucky I don’t turn him into the sheriff.”  Nick stopped. 

 

Jarrod could tell Nick was thinking about something new.  “Why don’t you?”

 

“Why don’t I what?”

 

“Turn him in.”

 

A smile formed on Nick’s lips.  “I think I might.  It would solve all our problems.”

 

“How so?”

 

“He goes to jail for 30 years.”

 

“It gets him out of our hair, but how does that help him?”

 

“The government takes care of his one arm.”

 

“I’d defend him, you know that.”

 

“You would, wouldn’t you?”

 

“I’m not going to let my brother go to jail.”

 

“Even if he shot your real brother?”

 

The words stunned both men.  “My ‘real’ brother?”  Jarrod emphasized the word.

 

“You know what I meant.”

 

“Yeah, I do.  But I thought he meant more to you than that.”

 

“Guess you were wrong.”

 

Jarrod left the room.  He stopped briefly in the doorway and struggled to find the right words.  Nothing came to him. 

 

The warm rays of sunrise greeted a cold and numb family.  Heath made no appearance as the rest picked at breakfast in the dining room.  Audra broke the silence.

 

“This just doesn’t feel right and I can’t be part of it.”  She rushed from the room. 

 

“I’m tempted to join her.”  Eugene said aloud to anyone who was listening. 

 

“Go right ahead!”  Nick growled.

 

Eugene stayed put, not willing to give in to Nick’s dare. 

 

“I suppose it’s time to get this over with.”  Jarrod put his napkin on the table.  The family followed him out.  Heath was just crossing the foyer.  Loading his gear had taken two trips.  He hoped to be gone before the family came out of the dining room. 

 

“Heath?”  Victoria called out to him.

 

“I’m just finishing, Ma’am.  I’ll be gone shortly.”

 

“Heath.  I have one more question.”

 

Heath ignored her and continued toward the door.  Nick intercepted him.  “My mother wants to talk to you.  You WILL stay!”  Nick noted that Heath wasn’t wearing the gun belt they had given him.  He was defenseless.

 

Heath turned.  “Yes, Ma’am?”

 

“You never answered my question last night.”

 

“What question?”  He lied.  He knew very well what question she meant.

 

“Mother, what difference does it make?  Let him go!”  Nick cajoled.

 

“No, Nicholas.  I want an answer to my question.”  She looked back at Heath.  “Well?”

 

Heath said nothing.  Victoria continued to push.  “You said you went to work for Crown in order to see who we were.  What did you see?”

 

That wasn’t what Heath was expecting.   He stammered his answer.  “A family.”

 

“Did you want to be part of that family?”

 

“No.”

 

Victoria didn’t believe him.  “Not at all?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then what was your plan?”

 

“My plan?”

 

The family watched the discussion spellbound, but the two participants seemed to be alone. 

 

“Yes, your plan.  You came and you saw.  What did you plan to do with your new information?”

Jarrod found himself willing Heath to answer. 

 

Heath’s voice was barely audible.  “I was gonna come back.”

 

“When?”

“When I could.”

 

“What did you have to do before you could come back?”

 

Heath said nothing.  He figured if he admitted his plan, he would have nothing left.  The Barkleys would have laid his soul bare.

 

“When were you coming back?”

 

Again he was silent.  Nick couldn’t handle the silence.  He wanted the answer now, too.  “Answer her!”

 

“When I was…”  He gasped.  “When I was something.”

Tears filled Victoria’s eyes.  She knew exactly what he meant.  She scanned her children’s faces and knew they didn’t.  “That’s not enough.”  She moved closer.

 

Heath’s face was red with anger and embarrassment.  “I was gonna come back, when I had something to show you.  Something that would prove I didn’t need Tom Barkley and his money to make a success of my life.”  His voice was barely above a whisper and yet since every heart in the room seemed to have stopped beating, all heard it.  He continued, as if no one where in the room.  “We can all see how well that worked out.”

 

“You are so much your father’s son.  It scares me.  It took him so long to learn this lesson.”  Victoria was calm.

 

“What lesson?”

 

“Pride and self-worth.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Your father couldn’t separate the two.  It took him so many years to learn that who he was had nothing to do with his pride.  Pride is good.  Everyone should be proud of who they are, but it doesn’t determine the value of a man.  You are a fine man.  Your mother did a beautiful job raising you.  I’m sure she was proud of you and you are obviously proud of her.  You didn’t need Tom Barkley to be there.  He was already inside you.  You can’t lose that.” 

 

She paused.  “You can walk out that door and go on with your life.  You may doubt you can do it, but I know you’ll still make something of your life.  You can’t help but do it.  It’s inside you.  Both your mother and your father gave it to you.  They were both survivors and so are you.  What you have to decide is, do you want to live your life alone or with the love and support of a family.  If you stay, that’s what you’ll get.  It might be something you’ll have to learn, but I think we’re off to a good start.  We will expect you to be a part of us.  I think it’s worth it.  I’d like you to stay.”

 

Heath was overwhelmed.  He turned to the door and walked slowly to it.

 

“That door will never be closed to you, no matter what papers you may sign.”  Victoria called out.

 

Heath was out the door.  He went immediately to Gal and finished attaching the rest of his gear. 

 

Nick stood inside, considering the events and circumstances before him.  In an instant, he was out the door after Heath.

 

“Well now, we’ve finally found a good reason for you to lose your arm.” 

 

Heath turned on Nick, shocked at the words.  “What?”

 

“If you had two good arms, you’d be off already.  I wouldn’t have caught you.”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“I just gotta know.  If I understood, what I barely heard in there…  You didn’t want anything from this family, but to show us you didn’t need us?”

 

The rest of the family moved quietly behind the two men, praying Nick was bringing him home. 

 

“That was my plan.”

 

“You just wanted to snub us?”

 

“There were moments when I wanted to drag you through the mud.”

 

“When did it change?”

 

“Sample’s farm.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You were decent people.  Look at you.  There isn’t anything I can bring this family but grief and shame and you opened your arms to me.  I couldn’t do it.”

 

“But you still wanted us to know?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“That’s what I don’t get.  Why?”

 

“I dunno.  I just did.”

Nick smiled.  “I know.”

 

“You would.”

 

Nick ignored the jab.  “You knew we’d invite you to join us.  As soon as you learned we were so called ‘decent’ folk, you wanted to be part of us.”

 

“NO!”

 

Nick laughed now.  “You did, too.”

 

“I had my family.  I don’t need another.”

 

“Yeah, maybe, but you didn’t have me.”

 

“You?  You think I want into this family for you?”

 

“Well, I know you like Jarrod, Audra and Gene, but face it.  You enjoy being my little brother.  Who wouldn’t?”

 

“You’re delirious!”

 

“Nope.  I’m right.”

 

“I gotta go.”  Heath climbed onto the saddle.

 

“Nope.”  Nick grabbed the bridle. 

 

“Let go!”

 

“Make me!”

 

Heath released the reins and used his left hand to reach for his non-existent gun.

 

“Yeah, we gotta work on that next.  I know Jarrod’ll want you to work on writing, but I think the gun thing is more important.”  Nick led the horse back into the barn, all the while chatting.  “I suppose if we let you off ranch duties you’d have time to do both…”

 

Sixteen

 

Several weeks passed and it seemed Heath was settling in.  His days were filled with learning and relearning just what he was capable of doing.  Nick found him each morning at the corral talking to the stallion that refused to be tamed.

 

“People are gonna start talkin’ about you and that horse.”

 

“He’s a fine piece of horseflesh.”  Heath patted the animal’s neck and it ran off.

 

“Of course, he is.  I picked him out.  I know a good animal when I see one.”

 

Heath watched the animal run and laughed.  “He just charges right in.  Kinda like someone else I know.”

”Huh?  What do you mean by that?”

 

Heath smiled.  “Nothin’.  Just that Charger would be a good name for him.”

 

“Charger, huh?  I like it.”  He said it several more times.  “Yep.  That’s his name.  Charger.”  He watched Heath’s face.  “You still think he’s looking for his freedom?”

 

“He ain’t been outta that pen.”

 

“He’s too ornery.  He needs time to settle in.”

 

“Sometimes time ain’t enough.”

 

“Are we talkin’ about the horse?”  Nick became just a bit nervous.

 

“What else would we be talkin’ about?”  Heath smirked.

 

“Audra get you to wear that fancy suit tonight?”  Nick changed the topic.  The issue of freedom made him nervous.

 

“I ain’t going to that party.”

 

“It’s her birthday.”

 

“I’ll wish her the best. Ain’t a problem, but I ain’t goin’ to any party.”

 

“She really wants you there.”

 

Heath looked Nick in the eyes.  “I ain’t ready for this, Nick.  You can make me do a lot of things but you CAN’T make me go.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“You have to help me with her.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Ya have to make her understand.”

 

“Well, why don’t you just ask me to walk on water?”

 

Heath laughed.  “Now, you told me you could do anything.”

 

Nick grabbed Heath around the neck, pulled him close and rubbed his head.  “I can.  And don’t you forget it.”

 

* * *

 

“But Heath!  You have to come!”  Audra was in full princess mode.

 

“Audra, I just can’t do it.”

 

“Heath, if you don’t come, people won’t get to meet you.”

 

“I ain’t ready to be meetin’ all your friends yet.”

 

“But they want to meet you.”

 

“I doubt it.”  Heath knew what they wanted.  They wanted to meet the crippled Barkley bastard.

 

“Heath, please!”

 

“NO!”

 

Nick stepped in.  “Honey, Heath ain’t feelin’ up to one of your extravaganzas.  Give him a break.”  Nick’s glare told her to settle down.

 

“But…”  She looked at Heath.  She could finally see the nervousness that surrounded him.  “Next year?”

 

Heath offered her a lopsided grin.  “Deal!”

 

Heath sat on the edge of his bed.  The music from downstairs drifted up between the floorboards.  He was surprised to find his foot tapping to the melodies.  He knew he’d never get his tie fixed.  The guilt over disappointing Audra weighed heavily on him.  He slipped down the back stairs and drew in several deep, cleansing breaths.  Silas was fixing a new tray and Heath called him over.

 

“Mista Heath, is there something I can get you?”

 

“Silas?”  Heath scanned the room to see that no one was looking.  “Can you help with this darn necktie?”

 

“I sures can.”  Silas efficiently fixed the necktie, chatting all along.  “I’s glad you changed your mind.  Miss Audra’s gonna be thrilled you comin’.”

 

“I don’t plan to stay long.”

 

“Don’t matter one bit.  You have yourself a good time.”

 

“Thanks, Silas.”

 

Heath stood in the corner of the foyer and watched the event.  All around him people were laughing, drinking and dancing.  Several people noticed him and nodded his way.  It surprised him.  He had half expected the music to stop and the crowd to stare at him.  No one did. 

 

Audra saw him.  She immediately left her dance partner and went to Heath.  “You came!”

 

“I won’t stay long.”

 

“Stay as long as you like!”  She kissed his cheek.  “Thank you.  This means so much to me.”

 

“Happy Birthday.”

 

“Can I introduce you to some people?”

 

“Ah…” 

 

Nick and Jarrod saved Heath.  “No, Audra.  Heath’s coming with us.”

 

With another quick kiss, Audra went back to her beaus.  The brothers went to the punch and drank heartily.

 

“Who’s that Audra’s dancin’ with?”  Heath asked Nick.

 

“That’s Evan Miles, an old friend of the family.  He must be home from school.”   Nick mused.

 

“Kicked out, so I heard.”  Jarrod added.

 

“He trouble?”

 

“No.  Just doesn’t always use his head.”  Nick took another long drink.  “Good punch, huh?”

 

Jarrod and Heath laughed.  “Take it easy, Little Brother.”

 

Heath slipped outside and went to the corral to see Charger.  He felt good about making the appearance but was glad he hadn’t needed to talk to anyone.  He strolled around the grounds, intending to enter through the back door.  As he cut through the garden, he heard a scream.  He ran to the gazebo and found Audra struggling with Evan Miles. 

 

Heath felt like he left his body.  He could see himself reaching out with his hand and pulling Miles off his sister.  While Miles struggled to regain his footing, Heath launched a strong punch to his middle and followed up with an upper cut to his chin.  As soon as Miles was on the ground, Heath reentered his body.  By this time, Audra’s screams had brought more help.  Jarrod and Nick stepped in between the two men and Victoria comforted Audra. 

 

Evan’s parents, Wally and Jenny were talking two different stories.  Jenny was apologizing and Wally was blaming everyone but Evan.  Evan, back on his feet, called it all a misunderstanding.  He turned to Heath.  “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure.  I’m Evan Miles.  I assume you are Heath?”

 

Heath didn’t respond.  Jarrod broke up the group.  “I think the evening is over.”

 

The crowd broke up.  Wally was still grumbling about his son’s attack.  “I can’t believe you’d let that man…”

Jarrod leaned in to Wally.  “That’s enough, Wally.  Don’t say something you’ll regret.”

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks, skirmishes between Evan Miles and the Barkleys intensified.  Wally refused to believe his son was an instigator.  The tensions came to a head when Nick and Heath confronted Wally and his men in a field over a stray cow.  Shots were fired and Nick was winged.  The wound wasn’t serious but the sight of an old family friend’s blood shook Wally to the core.  He and Jenny decided to send Evan away.  Evan saw it as an attack by his own parents and left vowing revenge on the Barkleys.

 

Heath had been avoiding Nick since the attack.  When Victoria could hold Nick in bed no longer, he made straight for Heath.  “Where have you been?”  Heath was again at the corral.

 

“Workin’.  I thought this was a workin’ ranch.  If the top dog’s takin’ a vacation, I figured I needed to step up.”

 

“Ha! Ha!  Very funny.”  Nick grew more serious.  “It wasn’t your fault.”

 

Heath knew what he meant.  He knew this conversation would eventually come.  “I suppose you’d think that.”

 

“I don’t think it.  I know it.”

 

“Nick.”  Heath’s voice caught in his throat.  “There was a day I could have hit all those men before they even got a shot off.”

 

“You’ve been practicing.  It was too soon.  Don’t worry about it.”

 

“They could have killed you.”

 

“They could have killed you too but they didn’t.  I’m lucky remember, even my horse moves.”  Nick knew it was risky to refer to the shooting on the drive but he was trying to ease his brother’s guilt.

 

They stood in silence watching Charger.  Heath finally spoke.  “I need your help again, Nick.”

 

“Name it.”

 

“I need to go.”

 

“What?  No.  I ain’t helping you go.”

 

“Not forever.” 

 

Nick refused to look into Heath’s eyes.  He knew if he did, he’d cave.  “No.”

“Nick.  I need to do this alone.  I need to prove I can do it.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Take care of myself.”

 

“You do take care of yourself.”

 

“NICK!  You pushed me out of the way in that meadow.”  He steeled his voice.  “I can’t have ya doin’ that.  I gotta stand on my own.”

 

“You do stand on your own.”

 

“Nick!”

 

Nick cursed himself.  He looked at Heath and immediately caved.  “What’s your plan?”

 

Heath smiled.  “Well, I was hopin’ to head out to a line shack.”

 

Nick cocked his head.  “Well, that don’t sound too bad.”

 

“And I want to bring Charger with me.”

 

“What?  Why?  You ain’t thinkin’ you can break him?”

 

“I don’t want to break him.  I want to gentle him, give him a little freedom.”

 

“None of those paddocks are strong enough to keep him in.  He’ll run.”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Heath, you know I don’t tell you, you can’t do something, but…”

 

Heath cut him off.  “I’m bringin’ Gal.  I just want to work with him.”

 

“Heath.  I just don’t know if…”  Nick saw the intensity on Heath’s face and knew he would have to win this battle for him.  “Mother’s not gonna let you be gone too long.”

 

Heath smiled.  “Thanks!”

 

True Intentions 17

 

The rest of the family was upset about Heath’s departure.  Heath was upstairs packing, while the rest gathered in the study. 

 

“He can’t do this, Mother.  You have to tell him to stay.”  Audra pleaded with everyone to convince him to stay.

 

“We can’t do that, Darling.”  Victoria was struggling to put her worries at bay as well.

 

“Honey,” Jarrod wrapped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head, “not even Mother can change his mind.  We have to give him our support, whether we like it or not.”

 

From the French doors, Nick’s quiet voice drifted to their ears. 

 

“What was that, Nick?”  Jarrod hadn’t quite heard him.

 

Nick spoke louder but it was still uncharacteristically quiet.  “If you love someone, set it free…”

 

Victoria finished his line.  “If it returns, it was meant to be.”

 

* * *

Heath’s first days were stressful.  He hadn’t realized the simple ways life had been made easier for him at the mansion.  Cooking was the hardest.  It wasn’t that he couldn’t stir with one hand but holding the pan still as he cooked was awkward.  Opening a can of beans nearly drove him over the edge.  By the time he had finished impaling the can with his knife, there was not much left of the beans.  His shirt had become sprayed with bean particles and he found frustration again as he tried to wash his clothes.  Twisting clothing to get the water out took on all new meaning for him.  He finally managed to hold one end with his foot, while he twisted.  To vent his stress, he spent long days working with Charger, gaining his trust.  He looked forward to actually riding the stallion, wondering if they would have an understanding. 

 

He also spent lots of time firing his gun.  He spent hours setting up targets and then shooting them down.  He still woke in a cold sweat at night.  He feared that day in the meadow would haunt him forever.  He couldn’t get over how truly helpless he had felt.  He wasn’t a killer but he refused to accept that he wouldn’t be able to defend himself.  Nick had sensed his vulnerability before he had.  Nick had pushed him to the ground and shielded his body from the barrage of bullets.  He still trembled when he thought of that day but fired faster and straighter from his efforts.

 

He had been gone for two weeks when Nick rode up.  Heath had been sitting on the small porch working on the alphabet with a slate.  He hurriedly stashed the slate behind him.  He knew Nick was aware of his inability to write but it embarrassed him nonetheless. 

 

“Well, look at you!”  Nick eyed his younger brother carefully.  His face held stubble and his clothes were in disarray but all in all, he seemed good.  “I can safely report your health to the family.  You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to keep people from chargin’ up here every day.”

 

Heath laughed and offer Nick a lopsided smile.  “Win a bet yet?”

 

“Naw, Duke lost.  I knew you’d holdout this long.”  Nick scanned the area.  “So, how are you?”

 

“Fine.  Whatcha lookin’ for?”

 

“Looking?  Nothing.  How much longer you figure to stay away?”

 

“Don’t know.  Why?  Is there a reason I should be home?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What’s that?”

“We miss ya.”

 

Heath blushed a bit.  Nick appreciated that immensely.  Heath admitted.  “I’ve guess I’ve kinda missed ya’ll, too.”

 

“So, come home!”

 

“Nick.  I appreciate it but I got more work to do.”

 

Nick pushed passed him and removed the slate from its location behind a post.  He held it up.  “This ain’t no secret.  We know you’re working on writing.”

 

“Nick…”  Heath couldn’t explain why he needed to be alone.

 

“Heath, we just started to get to know ya and you off and leave.  You can’t stay away.  Jarrod’s gonna start takin’ it personally.”  Nick smiled, showing his joke.

 

Heath knew something wasn’t right.  “Nick, what is this really about?”

 

Nick hesitated, not knowing how Heath was going to respond.  “Evan Miles has been sighted around town.”

 

“So.”

 

“The bank was robbed.”

 

“And Evan did it?”

 

“We think so.”

 

“Who’s we?”

 

“Um…”

 

“Nick!”

 

“Jarrod was in the bank and well, he…”

 

“How bad is he hurt?”

 

“Not bad.  He was only nicked in the shoulder.  He’s fine.  He’s just letting Mother and Audra fuss over him a bit.”

 

“So, why do I need to come home?”

 

“Just to make sure you’re safe.”

 

Heath shrugged off the feelings of anger that swelled within him.  He knew Nick meant well.  “You don’t get it do you?”

 

“No.  I don’t.  We’re a family.  We help each other.  Which includes keeping each other safe.”

 

“That’s exactly IT!  If I’m gonna be part of this family, I have to bring something to it.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?  You bring yourself.  That’s all we want.”

 

Heath was frustrated.  He couldn’t figure out how to make Nick understand.  He began to mumble a response.

 

“What?  Don’t mumble, Boy.”

 

Heath eyed him down.  “I don’t know who I am.  Until I figure that out, I can’t be part.”

 

Understanding was beginning to dawn for Nick.  “Heath, you lost your arm, not yourself.”

 

“I’m workin’ on it, Nick.  I’m workin’ on it.”

Nick gave up.  He knew Heath wasn’t coming home with him.  He didn’t relish facing the rest of the family but they could try if they didn’t believe him.  “They tracked him to Moss Canyon.”

 

“So you think he’s hiding out near here?”

 

“He blames us for everything.  It figures he might seek some revenge.”

 

“Or he might be heading to Mexico.”

 

“You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

 

“No, I think I should.  I started the problem.  I should finish it.”

 

“You didn’t start this.  Evan’s crazy.  You heard his parents admit it.”

 

Heath shook his head. 

 

“If you won’t do it for me, come home for Mother.  She’s worried sick about you.”

 

Heath raised an eyebrow.  He had a hard time imagining Victoria Barkley worried ‘sick’ about anything.

 

As if reading Heath’s mind, Nick added.  “Well, she’s worried.”

 

“I think it’s best if I keep an eye on things up here.”

 

Nick looked over Heath’s shoulder at what was obviously his firing range.  “Care to show me some of your work?”  Nick indicated toward the arranged targets.

 

“Nope.”

 

“No?”

 

“I don’t want to make you feel foolish.”

 

Nick laughed.  It was boisterous, loud and full of emotion.  “I give up.”

 

Heath joined the laughter.  “Want some lunch?”

 

Nick sobered.  “Your cooking?  No way.”

 

“Your loss.  I got me a fat rabbit this morning.”

 

“You shot it?”

 

Heath grinned, proud to have impressed his brother.

 

“I suppose you want me to skin it?”

 

“Nope.  Already did.”

 

“How…”  He shook his head.  “Never mind.  I don’t know why we worry about you.”

 

“Neither do I.”

 

Nick rode off, confident his brother was doing well and would return soon. 

 

Heath was glad Nick hadn’t stayed for lunch.  He had indeed shot the rabbit but skinning it hadn’t been pretty.  He had stripped his shirt off to do the deed but needed to jump in the creek to wash away the results.  By the time he was done, there wasn’t really enough usable meat for two grown men. 

 

Nick rode slowly, reliving the conversation with his younger brother.  He smiled and enjoyed the replay of banter.  It had been a relatively short time but a long haul.  He went from hating and distrusting the man to having feelings that were right on with the love he felt for Jarrod and Gene.  He had himself a brother cut from the same cloth.  He loved Jarrod and Eugene but they didn’t always understand him.  He knew Heath would.  He found in Heath an ally, not known since their Father had died.  Life felt good.

 

He heard an object flying and then felt Coco stumble a bit.  He pulled up the reins, tipped his hat back and scanned the area for an idea of what had been thrown. He saw nothing.  He dismounted to check over Coco.  He found a small nick in her foreleg.  He used his kerchief and canteen to dab at the slight wound, hoping to see it clot.  He was rewarded when it seemed superficial.  He again scanned the area and seeing nothing made to remount. 

 

He didn’t see the rifle butt swing down toward his head.  In an instant, Nick’s mind went numb and his body slack.  He slid off the edge of the saddle and slumped to the ground.  He never saw who hit him.

 

**

 

Nick groaned.  He could feel a trickle down the side of his face.  He could tell from the pounding in his head that his mother would be reining him in for several days.  The sharp boot toe in his side told him he wasn’t alone and needed to focus.

 

“Wake up, Nick.”

 

“Huh… Evan?”  Nick never did like the look in Evan’s eyes.

 

“Time to go find that bastard brother of yours.  He’s not far. That’s who you were visiting, right?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.  I was checkin’ on a hand.”  Another sharp kick to his ribs told him Evan wasn’t buying it. 

 

“On your feet!” 

 

Nick didn’t immediately budge.  Evan assumed it was from sheer stubbornness.  Nick knew it was simply because his head swam when he moved.  His head cleared when he heard the click of Evan’s gun and felt the barrel at his temple.

 

“Let’s go!”

 

Nick moved as slowly as possible, not an easy task considering all he wanted to do was fall to his knees and give in to the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him.  He knew the slower he moved the more time he bought for Heath.  He prayed Heath was really able to use that gun. 

 

Heath was cooking the rabbit on the fire in the shack.  Since the pieces were small, they fried quickly in the pan.  He removed the pan from the heat and set it on the table.  He didn’t bother with a plate.  It would only be more to wash.  He sat at the table and stabbed at a chunk of meat.  The afternoon was sunny, cool and filled with a light breeze.  The inside of the cabin was just starting to warm.  He sat in silence enjoying the reward of his labors. It was Charger’s nicker that caused him concern.  As he glanced out the window, he saw Gal starting to pace.  His body went into heightened alert.  He looked over to the gun belt that rested on the chair across the room.  He hadn’t put it back on after cleaning up.  As he stood to move to it, a voice rang out.

 

“Hey, Cripple!  Or is it Bastard Boy? Come on out here.  I got something to show you.”

 

Heath knew Evan Miles snively voice.  It grated on his nerves.  He called outside.  “I don’t need anything from you, Miles.  Get on out of here.”  He decided to play dumb about the bank robbery, preferring to track him and attack from behind.  He knew it was a long shot but had to try it.

 

Evan laughed.  “No.  That’s not what’s going to happen.  You see I got your brother.  He doesn’t deserve to die for the trouble you caused.  I figure deep down he’s gonna be happy I get the Barkley Bastard out of the way.  Come on out here and save him.  It might be the only decent thing you have ever done in your life.”

 

Heath refused to consider Evan’s malicious statements.  He considered simply firing from inside until he heard Nick call out to him.  “Don’t listen to him, Heath.”  He didn’t trust his aim enough to risk Nick’s life in a shoot out.

 

Heath walked slowly out the door.  He was momentarily blinded by the change in lighting and couldn’t find Evan.  As his eyes adjusted, he saw Evan prodding Nick forward. 

 

Evan looked Heath up and down with contempt in his eyes.  “I’d have you tie him up but there isn’t any knots a one-armed cripple could make.  What a sad man you are.”

 

It was Nick who defended Heath through gritted teeth.  “You ain’t half the man he is Miles!”

 

Nick’s statement cut straight thorough to Heath’s heart.  “Get on with it.  What do you want from me?”

 

“I want you dead.”

 

“Then do it!”

 

“Aw, come on.  Just shooting a one-armed man isn’t any fun.  I have to think a moment.”  The world stood still, while the men waited for Evan to determine the next step.  Heath didn’t dare move because of the gun trained on Nick and Nick didn’t move because he wasn’t sure of Heath’s next step. 

 

The strain was getting to Nick.  Standing still wasn’t helping his headache and his legs were beginning to quiver from the strain.  He could tell that the cut on his head was bleeding again.  He moved his hand to staunch the new flow.  The movement of his hand sent a wave of dizziness through him and he crumbled to the ground.  Oblivion claimed him.  His last thoughts were sheer anger and frustration at not being able to help his brother. 

 

Heath lunged for Nick, trying to soften his landing.  He caught Nick with his arm and lowered him to the porch.  Ignoring Evan, he checked Nick’s pulse.  He was relieved to feel a strong rhythm under his fingers.  He focused back on the situation at hand when he heard the click of the gun now pointed at him.   Heath stood slowly.  As he did, he ran his hand along the side of his boot.  He slipped his knife from its sheath and slid it along his arm, hoping Evan wouldn’t notice it. He hadn’t tested throwing but if he could get Miles while he was standing still, he figured he had a chance. 

 

“Well, now.  Looks like its just you and me.”  Evan sneered.  “Why don’t you start running?  I’ll give you a head start.”

 

Heath didn’t move.  Evan fired at his feet.  Heath still didn’t budge.  He could see he was unnerving Miles.

 

“I SAID, MOVE!”  He fired again at Heath’s feet. 

 

Heath had his first feeling of hope.  He knew that even if he couldn’t out shoot him, he could win this on nerves.  In this moment, Heath realized it was something he hadn’t lost.  He stepped slowly backward toward the small corral where the two horses paced.  He finally hit on a plan.

 

Evan Miles was losing his precious hold on sanity.  He screamed at Heath with a laugh that was manic.  “I guess you’re dumber then I thought.  You don’t even know how to run.  Did you lose a leg, too?”

 

Heath continued his slow progress.  He wanted to lure Evan in with him.  As he neared the gate, he turned his back on Evan. 

 

“What are you doing?  Don’t turn your back on me!”  Evan was livid with indignation.

 

Heath whirled back around, releasing the knife in his hand.  Evan’s eyes widened as he watched the knife sail through the air toward him.  He couldn’t move his body.  All he could do was stand mesmerized as the knife approached.  Just as the knife would hit, he managed to free his gaze and turn his body.  The knife impaled itself in his arm.   

 

Heath didn’t wait for the knife to hit its target.  He couldn’t risk it.  He ran to Gal.  She wasn’t saddled but he pulled on her mane and leapt onto her bareback.  To anyone watching it looked like he intended to leave.  He didn’t.  Using his legs and a firm hand entwined in her mane, he directed her out the gate and ran toward Evan. 

 

Evan ignored Heath as he pulled the blade from his arm and stared at the blood that dripped from it.  Whether it was the rumble in the ground or the change in the wind, Evan looked up and used his bad arm to grasp his gun.  He fired point blank in front of him as Heath descended on him.    Gal reared up at the sound of the bullet and crashed into Evan’s already injured arm.  Heath couldn’t hold onto the beloved Modoc.  Man and horse flew into the air.  Gal went up so high on her hind legs she lost her footing and fell, taking heath crashing down with her. 

 

Evan watched his enemy go down with his horse and smiled.  He found himself slightly disappointed that things had gone the way they had, but at least it was over.  His arm hung limply at his side.  He moved into the corral and looked for a saddle for the stallion.  Charger nervously paced away from the intruder.  Since Heath was trying to settle the horse, he had left the bridle on.  Using his good arm, Evan reached out to grab the horse.  Charger fretted and bristled at the stranger handling him. 

 

While Evan worked on Charger, Heath pulled himself up.  Gal was also pulling herself right.  His eyes immediately caught the reflection of light off Evan’s gun, which lay on the ground in front of him.  He picked it up and slipped unnoticed into the corral behind Evan.  “Guess we’re even!”  He shouted.

 

A startled Evan risked a look over his shoulder.  The stallion was so alarmed Evan couldn’t risk releasing him for fear of being trampled. 

 

“One-armed man against one-armed man.  Seems fittin’ to me.”  Heath was enjoying the moment of power. 

 

Evan knew it was over.  His mind found sudden clarity and he weighed his options.  With surprising speed he released the bridle and lunged at Heath.  Heath saw it coming and fired several times.  Evan Miles collided with Heath bowling them both over.  Evan’s body crushed down on him.  Heath noted the lack of movement, knowing his bullets had found their mark.  He pushed the dead man aside and sat for a moment to steady his nerves.  He chanced a look at Evan and saw the lifeless eyes staring back at him. 

 

Regaining his feet, Heath calmed the stallion with a simple hand to the nose.  “Nick?”  He had hoped the gunshots would have woken his brother.  Hearing no response he started toward the house.  It was as he left the corral that he noticed Gal and his heart shattered.  It was obvious that Evan’s bullets had found their mark.  His beloved friend was unable to rise and thrashed about on the ground. 

 

Heath fell to his knees at her head and pulled it into his lap.  He stroked her nose and neck, calming her instantly.  From that vantage he could see her lifeblood gushing from two vicious wounds in her chest.  He knew she would never survive.  He selfishly looked at his stump and then cursed God for his misfortune.  He couldn’t help but wonder why he couldn’t hold on to anything he loved.  With more pain then he ever felt before in his life, he bowed his head low and kissed his dear friend and faithful companion.  Folding his body around her to provide as much comfort as possible, he pulled the trigger, ending her misery.   Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he held her close.  He stroked her nose, tickling her one last time behind the ears.  She had always loved that. 

 

Wiping his tears on his shirt, Heath forced himself to rise.   He went to Nick’s side and tried to rouse him.  It didn’t work.  Worried now that his brother’s head injury might be worse then he first thought, Heath called to Charger.  He spoke softly to the tense animal.

 

“I know you’re a might upset now, Charger.  But Nick here, needs a doctor.  It’s up to you to get us home.  Can ya do it, Boy?”

 

Charger calmed and stood still while Heath saddled him.  Unaccustomed to the saddle, Charger balked some but stood his ground.  Heath looked at Nick’s prone body, deciding the best course of action.  He pulled Nick’s arm around his shoulders and lifted him up.  When they reached Charger, he threw Nick against the horse.  Using his hip to hold Nick against the horse, he settled Nick’s arm across the saddle.  He gave Nick an extra shove and slipped as quickly as possible under the horse’s neck.  He was just in time to catch Nick’s hand as it slipped across the saddle.  He pulled and soon had Nick halfway up.  He slipped back around and pushed one leg across the saddle.  He debated walking Nick home like that but worried it would take too long. 

 

Heath pushed Nick as far forward as he could.  He needed to be able to get to the pommel to mount.  He jumped up behind Nick and looped his legs across Nick’s, hoping it would be enough to hold him on.  Leaning into Nick’s back to further stabilize him, Heath grabbed the reins and kicked the horse in motion as best he could. 

 

True Intentions * End

 

Heath waited outside Nick’s room.  Jarrod and Audra tried to pull him downstairs with them but he wouldn’t budge.  Dr. Merar and Victoria finally came out and happily reported Nick would be fine.

 

“That’s good news, Ma’am.  I was worried about him.”

 

“Well, you got him help as soon as possible.  That helped.”  Dr. Merar didn’t feel relief from Heath.

 

The three went down the stairs.  When Howard and Victoria turned into the parlor, Heath went straight. 

 

“Heath?  Where are you going?”  Victoria expected him to stay.  He’d been through a lot that day.

 

“I got to be gettin’ back.”  Without further comment and before anyone could convince him otherwise, Heath left.

 

After hearing the doctor’s report, Jarrod climbed the stairs to Nick’s room.  He found Nick awake.

 

“Well, hello, Brother Nick.  Seems you didn’t like my getting all Mother and Audra’s attentions.  Wanted a little for yourself, huh?”

 

Nick groaned.  “My head hurts.”  He glanced around the room.  “How’d I get home?”

 

“What do you remember?” 

 

“Damn Miles kid attacked Heath and I.”  Nick suddenly panicked.  “Where’s Heath?”  He began to rise.

 

Jarrod placed a calming hand on Nick’s shoulder.  “He’s fine.  He brought you back and then left again.”

 

“He left again?  Why?”

 

“Said he had to get back.”

 

“Did he tell you what happened?”

 

“Not all, I suspect.  He said Evan attacked you and tried to attack him.  He’s dead.”

 

Nick wasn’t thinking clearly.  “YOU SAID HE WAS FINE!”  He cringed at his own volume.

 

“Nick!  He is.  Evan is dead.”

 

“So Heath dragged me onto his old Modoc and rode us in, huh?  Damn.  That couldn’t have been easy.”

 

Nick’s question hit Jarrod like a brick.  “No.”  His mind was whirring.  He wasn’t paying full attention to Nick.

 

“So how did I get home?”

“The stallion.”  Jarrod said absentmindedly.

 

“Impossible.  No way Heath would have used Charger over his Modoc.   Are you listening to me?”

 

“That’s the problem.  Ah, Nick.  I think I’ll ride up and help Heath with Evan’s body.”

 

Nick was now also clear headed enough to be worried.  “You do that.  Take the wagon.”

 

Despite his Mother’s insistence to take help, Jarrod hitched a wagon and set out alone.  He arrived at the shack and saw a tarp in the corral.  He knew that had to be Evan. What saddened him more was the sight of the Modoc pony still in the yard.  He thought of Jingo, knowing how he would feel if he lost his best friend.    He heard a noise and listened to distinguish its location.  He followed the noise and found Heath struggling to dig a hole.  Jarrod knew it was a grave, but not for Evan.

 

“Heath!  Why didn’t you say something?”

 

Heath was silent, continuing with his work. 

 

Jarrod tried again.  “Heath.  We can have the men do this.”

 

“NO!  She was my horse.  I’ll see that she gets a proper resting place.”  His one-armed digging was slow.  A horse grave was not a small undertaking. 

 

Jarrod left and returned a short time later with a shovel of his own.  He settled in next to Heath. 

 

Heath stopped.  “You don’t have to do this.  She was my horse.”

 

Jarrod’s answer was short and to the point.  “And you’re my brother.”

 

By the time they finished the grave, both men were tired and sweaty.  They went for water and sat down.  Heath stared at his horse’s body. 

 

Jarrod watched Heath closely.   He spoke softly.  “Heath?  I wouldn’t have guessed we could get that grave dug but we did.  It’ll be dark soon enough.  Let’s get some help to bury her?”

 

“No.  She’s mine.  I’ll do it.”

 

“Heath.  Even if you had two good arms, you could never drag her that far.  Let’s give her the dignity she’s owed.”

 

Heath looked at Jarrod, doubt in his eyes.

 

“Trust your big brother.  Let us help with this.  Please?”

 

Heath nodded, the exhaustion showing in his body.

 

The next day, Heath and Jarrod drove a wagon bearing Evan Miles’ body to town.  Heath was forced to relate the entire story of the previous day to the sheriff.  It was the first time Heath had told anything more then the essential details.  Jarrod noted them carefully, as Nick had ordered a report upon their return and knew he’d never get it from Heath.

 

When they returned, Heath joined the family for lunch.  He smiled at the easily attainable, full plate before him and enjoyed every morsel.  Victoria enjoyed seeing him eat with relish.  She hadn’t wanted to bring up the topic but finally found her courage.

 

“Heath?”

 

“Yes, Ma’am?”

 

She made a note to work on the title next.  “Will you stay now?  I mean, are you home?”

 

Heath was silent for a while, not sure how to answer her.  His question was loud enough for only her to hear.  “Are you sure?”

 

She responded with equal quiet.  “Are you?”

 

They met each other with smiling faces.  Loudly this time, Heath stated.  “I’m home on one condition.”

 

“Oh?”  Jarrod raised an eyebrow, curious as to the condition.

 

“What’s that?”  Victoria asked, unfazed.

 

“I would really love a nice thick steak for dinner.”

 

“I think that would be wonderful.  Perhaps Nick will be ready to join us at the table, too.  We can have a family dinner.”  Victoria smiled.  She knew in that moment she would treasure this man’s addition to the family for the rest of her life.  She sent up a silent prayer of thanks to Tom and Leah.  Their brief love had raised their family to a whole new level of wholeness.