Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program Big Valley are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the authors. The ideas expressed in this story are copywrited by the author.

 

 

 

To Define a Son- by Nutterone

 

One

 

The knock on the door was unexpected.  The weather was dreadful and no one would be out unless it was dire.  Victoria set her needlework down and swept to the door.  The foyer was relatively dark.  She opened it and found a stranger.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

The oilskin covered stranger tipped his hat and rainwater ran off the brim, splashing at the grand lady’s feet.  She instinctively stepped backwards.  The man mumbled an apology. 

 

“Please, come in.”  She stepped further backward, inviting the man in.

 

“Thank you, Ma’am.  Sorry about the mess.”  He shook his coat a bit, took a deep breath and looked at her again.  “Let me start over.  Good Evening, Mrs. Barkley, I presume?”

 

Victoria smiled.  “You presume correctly, but you have me at a disadvantage.”

 

“Tom, Tom Evanston.”

 

She gave no indication that she knew who he was but invited him further in.  “Mr. Evanston, it is not a fit night to be venturing about.  Please come in.  Can I get you a cup of coffee to warm your soul?”

 

“Your most kind and generous welcome is enough to warm my soul but a coffee would do wonders for these old, tired bones.  You are correct.  It’s not a fit night out.”

 

“Please have a seat in the parlor and I will get the coffee.  As it is, there is a warm pot on the stove.”

 

Tom Evanston lay his wet belongings across the foyer table and drifted to the warm glow from the hearth.  He studied the room.  It was large and elegantly appointed but still warm and welcoming.  He rubbed his hands over the hearth and flexed his fingers to encourage warmth to spread.  He took a moment to marvel at the confidence of the woman of the house.  She had welcomed him in despite the circumstances.  Not many women would have been so hospitable.

 

Victoria arrived shortly with a tray laden with cups and a tray of cookies.  “I didn’t know if you had eaten and we had a few treats remaining.”  She set the tray on the coffee table, sat down and began to pour.  “Cream?  Sugar?”

 

He turned from the flames.  “Black, please.  Cream and sugar are such a rarity at sea, that I lost the stomach for them.”

 

“Are you a captain?”

 

He laughed.  “No.  Never made it that far.  Just a hard working seaman out to see the world.”

 

“And did you?”

 

“Somewhat.”  He moved from the flames and sat on the settee opposite her.  As she reached to hand him a cup, she finally saw him.  Her words fled and she could do nothing but stare at the man before her.

 

He noted her distress.  “Are you alright, Mrs. Barkley?”

 

She stammered.  “Yes…  It’s just…”

 

“Just?”

 

Victoria didn’t know what to say.  She was shocked.  Staring at her were the same vivid blue eyes, lopsided grin and wavy blond hair that had shared her home for the past two years.  She couldn’t help but feel she was looking at a future version of her son, Heath Barkley.  She finally found a cover.  “You look familiar.”

 

“Really?  I get that a lot.  People are always mistaking me for one person or another.”  He chuckled.  “I do appreciate your seeing me.”

 

“To what do I owe your visit?”  She was quickly recovering.  Like her son, this man exuded an aura of comfort.  It was easy to believe him.

 

“It’s rather a long story.  I am an old acquaintance of your husband.”

 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Evanston.  Tom died.”  There was also a tinge of sorrow in her voice when she spoke of her late husband.

 

“So I heard.  I’m afraid I have been out of the country for some time, longer then I intended.  I only just returned and in trying to make connections with my former life, I only just discovered his death.  I’m not really sure why I am here.  It’s just…”

 

She smiled.  “Now, it’s my turn.  Just?”

 

“Tom always spoke so highly of you, that I just had to come and meet you for myself.  Perhaps share a few memories of the good, old days.  He was proud of his wife and family.”

 

“Yes, he was.  Thank you.”  She paused, again searching for the right words.  “I’m not sure how to say this but I don’t recall Tom mentioning you.”

 

Tom laughed.  “Not surprising.  Tom really wanted to put that time away from you and the boys behind him.  He hated all those months in Strawberry.  It seemed like nothing went right.”

 

Victoria was again stunned.  “You knew Tom in Strawberry?”

 

Sensing her unease, he progressed carefully.  “Yes.  I was working my way across country and had stopped to try my hand at mining.  We met playing poker one night and the rest, as it was, was history.  I’d like to think we became good friends.”  As if reading her mind, he continued.  “We ended things on a bit of a disappointment and so it doesn’t surprise me that he never mentioned me.”

 

She smiled faintly.  “You said you were at sea?”

 

“Yes, another long, rather unbelievable story.  But please, tell me, your two sons?”

 

It was a mother’s natural response to smile when the subject of her children was raised.  “Actually, the family grew.  We have four sons and one daughter.”

 

“Excellent!  I’m sure Tom had a lot to brag about.”

 

“I’m biased of course, but I think we have been many times blessed.”

 

“Let’s see, the oldest boys were Jarrod and Nick?”

 

“Yes, followed by Heath, Eugene and Audra.”

 

At the mention of the other names, Tom’s face fell.  “Heath?”

 

Maternal instinct rose up from within and suddenly she grew very nervous.  “Yes.”

 

Tom stumbled over his words just a bit.  “That’s a rather unusual name.”

 

Defiance welled up from even deeper within.  Suddenly, Victoria felt the need to protect her son.  “Yes, it is, but we love it.”

 

Tom attempted to recover.  “Certainly.  So where is your family?”

 

Victoria attempted to shake off the uneasy feeling that crept into her heart.  “Nick and Heath are working to shore up the levies with this rain.  Jarrod, Audra and Eugene are in San Francisco.”

 

“It’s a large house to ramble about in alone.”

 

“It always feel so without their voices.”

 

Tom finished his coffee and stood.  “I thank you for your hospitality.  Please accept my very belated condolences on Tommy’s death.  I’ll be going now.”

 

“Tommy?”

 

He laughed again.  “Well, since we were both Tom’s, I was Tom and he was Tommy.”

 

Victoria offered a puzzled smile.  “With your last name, wouldn’t it have made more sense to call you Tommy?”

 

“Yes.”  He offered her a large, lopsided grin.  Again the chill went through her heart. 

 

Her whole brain screamed ‘no’ but she asked anyway.  “Please, stay the night.  We have plenty of space and it is useless to ride back to town tonight.”

 

“Ma’am, that is a very generous offer.  I am tempted to accept.”

 

“First of all, it’s Victoria and you must accept.  I would very much like to hear your stories of the sea.”

 

He looked at his boots a moment and then replied.  “Thank you.  I’d be honored to stay the night but honestly, as for stories, I’m afraid I am too tired to start that saga.”

 

“Then you must stay a few days.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m sure I’m not the only member of my family who would enjoy hearing stories of Tom.  Unless you’re in a hurry?”

 

Tom laughed again and a sparkle entered his eyes.  “No.  No hurry.  My life is now mine to do with as I please.”

 

“That’s certainly an interesting way to describe life.  I look forward to hearing more.  Follow me and I’ll show you to your room.”

 

He paused.  “Thank you.  It is really an honor to meet you.  Tom certainly didn’t underestimate you at all.”

 

“My turn again, thank you.”

 

After settling Tom Evanston in his room, Victoria went about preparing another pot of coffee.  She knew the boys would be late, but she wanted something fresh to warm them when they returned from their grueling work.  The uneasy feeling wouldn’t leave her.  She found herself hoping the boys came and went before getting a chance to meet their guest.  The guilt of this wish weighed heavily on her.  Perhaps, they wouldn’t get the same uneasy feeling.  She laughed at herself.  Was she losing her mind?  Upstairs in the guest room was a virtual stranger who created feelings of unease in her, yet she was the one who had invited him to stay.  

 

* ~ * ~ *

 

Victoria dozed in the chair near the fire.  She had no idea what time it was when a noise from the foyer woke her.  She rose quickly, straightened her skirts and walked to investigate.

 

“Mr. Evanston?  Did you need something?” 

 

Tom Evanston hadn’t yet been able to sleep.  He was loath to admit it to his generous hostess but he was hungry.  He had hoped to steal into the kitchen and find a snack.  “I…  uh…”

 

“You’re hungry?”  Victoria smiled broadly.

 

“How did you know?”  He returned a mortified smile.

 

“I have four sons.”

 

He noted that she hadn’t changed into nightclothes, so she must still be waiting.  “They still haven’t returned?”

 

She stole a glance at the door, her feelings mixed.  On one hand, she longed for their safe return.  On the other, she hoped Tom Evanston would move on and no one else would be the wiser.  This was one secret she knew she must keep.  “No.  The rains are bad.   They might be out all night.  I could use a snack as well.  Will you join me?”

 

“Thank you, I will.”  He gestured toward the door.  “After you?”

 

After settling in at the table with beef sandwiches, apple pie and tall glasses of milk, Victoria could barely contain her curiosity while Tom ate.  He beat her to the punch.

 

“What do you want to know?”

 

She raised an eyebrow.  “Pardon?”

 

“Tom was gone for three months.  How much did he tell you about his trip?  Did he mention Leah?”

 

Victoria was stunned at how he seemed to read her mind.  “I…”  She collected her wits.  “No, he didn’t.  I only found out after he died.”

 

“He kept a journal?”

 

“No… I…”

 

“Leah came to the funeral?”

 

“No.  I never met Leah.”  She suddenly wanted to know everything she could.  “Tell me about her.”

 

Calmness came over Tom’s face as he allowed his mind to drift back in time.  “She was the greatest woman I ever met.  Present company excepted.”  He added with a cheeky grin and continued.  “She was beautiful, long brown hair and big brown eyes.  No matter how hard that monster of a brother made her work, she was always quick with a smile and laugh.  Tommy and I were both staying at the hotel.  One night I left the poker game early.  I didn’t find Tommy in the morning.  It wasn’t until late that afternoon that I ran into Leah.  It seems Tommy had won big and someone robbed him.  She had found him in the alley, beaten and took him home.  From that day on we all became fast friends.  Folks sometimes called us the three musketeers.  We laughed away many an evening.  Those were good times.” 

 

From nowhere, her long buried insecurities reared their ugly head.  “Did he love her?”

 

“Love who?”

 

“Tom.  Did he love Leah?”

 

He thought for a moment.  “I suppose in a way he did.”  He witnessed the disappointment settle on her face.  “Perhaps love is a strong word.  He cared for her certainly.  We were friends.”  He saw that his words weren’t helping and tried a different course.  “He certainly pushed for me to stop being an idiot.”  He paused, the regret evident in his face and voice.  “I agree with him.  My leaving was stupid.”

 

She struggled to gather her thoughts.  “You had plans to go to sea.”

 

“Yes, but it was stupid.  It is my greatest regret.  I should have married her and settled down.”

 

Victoria was stunned.  In one instant she went from hurting wife to agonizing mother.  “You?”

 

“I love Leah.”

 

“Loved.”

 

“Leah’s dead?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Damn!”  His head hung low.  He didn’t even bother to apologize for his language.  Victoria was too confused to care.  After minutes of silence, he went on.  “I knew in my mind I would be too late but my heart held on to hope.”  He shook his head to clear the memories.  He gazed at Victoria’s face, searching for her thoughts.  He saw many things reflected in her eyes.  “Did you?”

 

“What?”

 

“Did you think Tommy and Leah?”

 

She felt suddenly foolish and stumbled over her words.  “I…  He wouldn’t talk about Strawberry.  I assumed…”

 

“Oh, no, Victoria.  You mustn’t think like that.  Tommy loved you.  He was never unfaithful to you.”  Is his mind he wondered how she could doubt that.  She was a fine woman.  Any man would be honored to be her husband.

 

Her woman’s heart soared with relief and renewed love for her husband but in that one instant, her greatest fear was confirmed.  She paled visibly and Tom grew worried.  “I’m sorry, Victoria.  I have no idea what might have happened to bring about such doubt in your mind.  It was me.  I loved Leah.”

 

Victoria was unexpectedly exhausted.   “Thank you.  Thank you for sharing that time with me.”  She paused.  “I’m afraid the day has caught up to me and I am quite tired.  I hope you won’t be offended if I retire for the night?”

 

“Not at all.  If I might further indulge in your hospitality, might I pour myself a nightcap before I retire myself?”

 

She smiled.  “Certainly.”

 

They placed their dishes in the sink and walked to the foyer.  She started to go toward the liquor trolley when his arm stopped her.  “No, please, allow me to help myself.  You have done so much already.”

 

“Fine.  Good night.”

 

“Good night, Madam.  And, thank you again!”

 

He moved quickly forward.  He poured himself a drink and casually wandered about the room.  Spying a photograph on a table he picked it up.  His smiled as he examined the merry faces until his world abruptly crashed.  He was staring at himself.

 

* 2 *

 

Glass upon glass had not taken away the shock to his system.  He clearly understood Victoria’s distress.  She thought Heath Barkley was her husband’s son and somehow he had come to live with them.  He had a son.  He should have known Tommy wouldn’t steal his son’s name.  Only Leah had known what name he would give his firstborn son.  Despite the continual onslaught of rain, the next morning came and the dull grey light flooded the study, illuminating the tired, bloodshot eyes of the man within.  He slumped in the chair clutching the photo in his hands.  He couldn’t take his eyes off the young man. 

 

Victoria descended the stairs and was stunned to find Tom sitting in the room alone.  It only took a moment for her to determine what had happened.  For the first time in her life, words failed her.

 

“He’s my son.”  It was quiet but the power of his words thundered straight into her heart.  He went on, almost rambling.  “I should have known from the name.”  He looked at her and the pain was evident on his face.  “It was my father’s name.”

 

Victoria knew there was no way to deny the truth of his words.  “I… We…”

 

“How did he come to be in your family?”

 

“He’s my son!”  Victoria couldn’t bear it.  She was about to lose her child and she wasn’t letting him go without a fight.

 

Tom’s attempt to intimidate Victoria by rising to his full height quickly, failed.  He awkwardly stood and glared at her.  “DON’T YOU DARE!  HE’S MY SON AND YOU KNOW IT!”

 

“He knows nothing about you.  He believes his father is Tom Barkley and is a loved member of this family.  I WON’T let you change that.”

 

“But he’s MY son!  You know it.  You knew it from the moment you saw me.  You can’t deny me my son.  My god!  You would rather sully your husband’s good name then tell him the truth?  How can you claim to love him?”  He lost his focus on Victoria.  “How could Leah?  How long did she raise him alone?  How she must have suffered…  I was nowhere to be found.  I was on that damn island.”

 

Victoria moved to his side, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.  Quietly she stated.  “Please, let me explain.”

 

He looked at her with so many emotions in his eyes that she knew the depths of his sorrow and regret, no matter what had happened.  “Please, try.”

 

“Heath only came to us a few years ago.  Leah never told him who his father was.  When she died, he found an article about Tom’s funeral.  He assumed it was his father.  It all fit.  It all made sense then.  We saw something special in him.  He reminded us of Tom.  It just…”

 

“You just accepted him?”

 

“He’s a special man.  It’s easy to love him.”

 

“Go on.  It just, what?”

 

“He filled such a void in our lives.  We needed him as much as he needed us.”

 

“I want to know my son.”

 

“You can’t tell him.”

 

“How dare you tell me what to do!  You would deny him his heritage?  A real father?”

 

“He has a heritage with us and don’t think you can just walk in and be his father.  He hasn’t had an easy life.  He doesn’t care for the idea of Tom at all.”

 

“What do you mean?”  There was open anger in his words.

 

“Heath was born out of wedlock.  I’m sure you can imagine what life was like for him.  They had nothing.  He went to work as a child in the mines.  He was thrown out of school and did everything he could to help his mother.”

 

“I know life couldn’t be easy for him.”

 

“He was six.”

 

“Six?”

“When he went to work in the mines.  Six years old.”

 

Tom laughed.  “No wonder he hated Tom Barkley.  Your family filled with wealth and power while his mother rotted in Strawberry.”

 

“That was part of it.  He ran away when he was a boy and joined the war.  He ended up in Carterson.”

 

“Carterson?”

 

She realized he had no idea what that was.  “It was a horrible prisoner of war camp.  He was beaten and abused there.  Most men died.  He survived.  He’s a survivor.”

 

“Then he will survive this.”

 

“No, he won’t.”

 

“WHY NOT!  I lost everything.  Why can’t I have my son?”

 

“He fought so hard to join this family, you can’t tear us apart.”

 

“How can you say this to me?  If it were your son, wouldn’t you want him to know?”

 

“As a mother, I know I have to do what is best for my child.”

 

“Lie to them?”

 

“It’s not a lie if you leave before he ever returns.”

 

“It’s not enough.  I deserve to know my son.”

 

It was Victoria’s turn for anger.  “How can you be so selfish?”

 

“Selfish?  How is it selfish to want to know my son?”

 

“YOU left Leah!  You wanted to go to sea.  You said it yourself.  You say you loved her and yet you left.  Surely, you knew you could have left her with child.  You left.  Tom picked up your pieces.”

 

“Tom?  Doesn’t sound like he helped them.”

 

Victoria knew he was right.

 

Tom was calmer now.  “I just don’t see how you could have just accepted him.”

 

“A letter.”

 

“A letter?”

 

“Tom sent Leah a letter.  I assumed he was saying good bye to her.”

 

“What did it say?”

 

The words of Tom’s letter were burned into her memory.  “He told her she was a wonderful woman.  He called her the only woman in the world he could have loved as much as me.”

 

“I can see why you assumed he had an affair with her.  He used to tease us.  He used to say that she wasn’t good enough for me and if he wasn’t married, he’d have already swept her off her feet.”

 

“He wanted the best for her.  He said she deserved to be loved.”

 

Tom interrupted her.  “She did.”

 

“He didn’t know about Heath, either.”

 

“Why didn’t she ask him for help?”

 

Victoria thought a moment, the answer to a longtime question dawning on her.  “She must have known how I would react.  It would have been hard to believe the child wasn’t Tom’s.”

 

“Stubborn.”  He said quietly.

 

“What?”

 

“She was stubborn.  I’m sure that damn brother of hers didn’t help them at all.”

 

“They lied.”

 

“What?”

 

“I went to Strawberry after Heath came to us.  I spoke with Martha and Matt and Hannah.  Martha and Matt told me Heath was Tom’s son.”

 

“They’d sell their own sister for a dollar.  It’s one reason we liked to be around Leah, to protect her from them.”  He was confused.  “What did Hannah say?”

 

Victoria chuckled softly.  “Now that I think about it, nothing that should have confirmed for me that it was my Tom.  It’s amazing, you know.”

 

“The whole thing?  Amazing is not the word I would use.”

 

“You can’t tell him.  You have to go before Heath comes home.”

 

“I can’t walk out on my son again.”

 

“You have to, for his sake.”

 

“For his sake, or yours?”

 

The comment stung but Victoria refused to give up her son.  “For him and my family”

 

“You don’t believe there’s room in his life for all of us?”

 

“If you tell him, he will leave us.”

 

“Why?  If what you say is true, he loves you as much.”

 

“He’s a proud man.  He fought his way into this family.  He won’t handle living here under a lie.  He just won’t.  The guilt will eat him up inside.”

 

Tom pondered her words.  “I lost so much.  I know it’s selfish of me but I want to know my son.”

 

“I understand that.  I really do but I know in my heart that it will destroy him.”

 

“What will destroy, who?” 

 

Tom and Victoria were stunned into silence.

 

* 3 *

 

“Nick!”  Victoria stammered, hoping to avoid the question.  “How are things going at the levy?”

 

Nick ignored his mother’s question, staring at the man before him.  “Who the hell are you?”  He couldn’t explain it, but the man’s shocking resemblance to his brother sent chills of fright down his spine. 

 

Victoria couldn’t even reprimand him for his language and rudeness.  She glanced back and forth from her volatile son to the man who threatened to tear her family apart. 

 

Nick stepped closer to the man with his mother.  “I asked who you were, Mister or didn’t you hear me?”

 

“I heard you.”

 

“So answer my question.”

 

“The name’s Tom Evanston.”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Paying my respects.”

 

Both men stood toe to toe, neither backing down.  It had an all too familiar feel for Victoria.

“Why?”

 

“I knew your father.”

 

“He’s been dead a long time.”

 

“I’ve been away.”

 

“What do you want with my brother?”

 

Tom said nothing to Nick and turned to Victoria.  “You can’t cover this up.  It’s obvious who I am.”

 

She shook her head.  Nick reached out and pulled the man back to face him.  “Talk to me!  What do you want with Heath?”

 

Tom laughed slightly.  “How do you know it has anything to do with Heath?”

 

Nick stammered.  He knew he’d fallen into the trap.  He was about to admit the man’s startling similarities to Heath.  He tried ignoring it once more.  “It’s obvious you’re upsetting my mother and I want to know why.”

 

Before Tom could respond, Victoria knew the truth had to be told.  She might be able to live with the secret of Heath’s identity, but she would never subject her son to it.  “He’s Heath’s father.”

 

Nick paled.  “Heath’s father is dead and buried in the oak grove.”

Victoria moved closer to Nick and rested her hands on his strong arm, drawing strength from it.  “We were wrong.  One need only look at him and know the truth.”

 

Nick’s emotional pain was physically felt in each inch of his body.  “No…”

 

“It’s true.”

 

“Where’s his proof?”

 

“He was in Strawberry with your father.  He can tell us everything.”

 

“NO!  Heath is ours!  If… If he…  Where the HELL has he been all these years?”

 

“Nick, please.”

“Please, what, Mother?  I ain’t letting some stranger who kinda looks like Heath waltz in here and hurt my brother.”  He turned back on Tom, venom in his words.  “How much do you want before you’ll get out of here and leave us alone?”

 

“I want to know my son.”  Tom’s words were sincere.

 

“You can’t do this to him.”

 

“So your mother has tried to tell me.  Don’t you think he’d rather know the truth?”

 

Nick’s head slunk low.  “He fought his way in…”  Nick couldn’t continue.

 

“She told me that as well.  Now, he’ll have to fight to leave.”

 

“You don’t understand. He won’t.  The guilt will tear him up inside.”  Nick allowed a sardonic laugh to escape his lips.  “He’ll try and give back everything we’ve ever given him.”

 

“He’s going to give back your love?”  Tom hoped to emphasize his optimism.

 

“He’ll try.  I don’t know if he can survive the humiliation he’ll feel he caused.”  Nick looked at Tom with pained eyes.  “You have to go.  You have to give him up.” 

 

Tom shook his head and stared at his feet.  “I know what you’re saying makes sense… but you don’t get it…  as devoted as you are to him… it… it only makes me want to know him more… to meet him… get to know him…”

 

“He’ll take one look at you and know.”  Nick’s head understood the man’s dilemma but his heart refused to give his brother up. 

 

“Couldn’t we pretend I’m a distant relative?”  Tom was grasping at straw.

 

“Heath’s not dumb.  He’ll see through any ruse.”  Victoria’s wisdom cut through the tension.  “We have to tell him.  We have no choice.”

 

Tom was stunned at Victoria’s change of position.  Nick too, was shocked.  “No, Mother.”

 

“Yes, Nicholas.  Your father would have wanted it this way.”

 

“What?  Father would have loved Heath.  We’ve all said it time and time again.  He’d a burst with pride.”

 

Tears shimmered in Victoria’s eyes.  “That’s exactly why.  We know how special Heath is.”  She turned to Tom.  “We have to give him a chance to know him too.  He deserves to feel that same pride.”

 

“Fine!  Let him feel it.”  Nick glared at Tom.  “See.  You should be proud.  He’s a fine man.  YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!  His mother raised him.  Just where were YOU while he suffered?”

 

“I’ve already heard this and I don’t need you reminding me that I wasn’t there for him.”  Tom drew himself up in a strong stance.

 

Victoria moved between the two inflamed men.  One arm was directed at each man, indicating her position.  She turned to Nick.  “Where is Heath?”

 

Nick took a deep breath.  “Sheriff asked him to check out Salt Springs.  They had to evacuate the town because of possible flooding.”

 

“When will he be home, Darling?”

 

“Not for some time.  Not until they know the dam will hold.”

 

“So we have time to think.”  Victoria moved away from the two men.

 

“Think about what?”  Nick was confused.

 

“How we tell him.”

 

“I think it’s my job to tell him.”  Tom was feeling his position strengthening.

 

Victoria glared coldly at Tom.  “Only if you intend to take him from this family.  No.  We will tell him together.  We will just have to find a way to convince him that no matter what, he is a member of this family and ALWAYS will be.”

 

“Wait!”  Nick was excited.  “We can do this!”

 

“Do what?”  Victoria had no idea where he might be going.

 

“Well, Tom here is a relative.  That’s all Heath needs to know.  Is there any reason he can’t be one of our relatives?  A distant cousin?”

 

“Nick.  What about everyone else?”  She didn’t hold out much hope.

”We’ll explain it to them.  They’ll cover for us.”

“We’re deceiving him again and bringing the family down with us.”

 

“SO!  Sometimes a lie to protect someone you love is just fine! Look at fath…”

 

Nick stopped his words.  He had worshipped his father.  It had been hard to accept that his father could betray his mother and hide it from them.  Now it seems he hadn’t.  He had cursed his father for no reason and was now about to base his argument on an apparent gross misunderstanding.  Never mind that it was the best misunderstanding of his life.  And now the truth was going to rip his family apart. 

 

Tom had been quiet during the entire conversation.  “No.  There’s only one thing I can do.”

Nick frowned at him, challenging him with his tone.  “What’s that?”

 

“I’ll leave.”

 

“What?”  Victoria was bothered that he was giving up.  “You wanted to meet him so badly.”

 

Tom stared at the wall beyond her head, gathering his thoughts.  “When I left for sea, I only meant to sail to the Orient and back.  I had always wanted to go.  It seemed so thrilling, so full of adventure.  It was the trip I had always dreamed of.  Leah…  I loved her, but she understood.  She didn’t want me to go, but she encouraged me to.  She understood that a man with unfulfilled dreams wouldn’t do any woman, any good.”  Tom walked to the liquor trolley and poured himself a new drink to steady his nerves and quell the panic rising within him as he relived his life.  “So I left.  I never made her promise, but I believe Leah intended to wait for me.  I hoped she would anyway.”  He smiled slightly.  “It seems she might have.”

 

Nick interrupted.  “It takes a big man to be interested in a woman with a bastard son.” 

 

“Nicholas!  Stop it!  Let him finish.” 

 

Tom went on.  “The weather on the trip over was harsh.  I had no idea that storms were like that.  I can’t even describe them.”  He chuckled again at the memories.  “I’ve never prayed so much in my life.”

 

“Enough of the memories.  Is there a point to this?”  Nick’s fuse was already lit and the apparent ramblings of the old man gave him no peace.

 

Tom ignored Nick, knowing Victoria would control her son.  “Men got sick by the hour.  We lost half the crew in the first month.”

 

“And?”

 

“We lost our main mast and a few days later, our rudder.  We drifted aimlessly for weeks.  All it took was one final storm.  We had no way to control the ship and we crashed on a reef.”  He paused long enough to let his experience sink in.  “Ten of us made it to shore.  We managed the best we could.”

 

“How long were you there?”  Victoria was absorbed by his words.

 

His answer was simple and it made it all the more powerful.  “Twenty years.”

 

“WHAT?  You expect us to believe that cockamamie story?”  Nick was dangerously close to unleashing his full anger.

 

“A ship finally came along.  We were living like savages.  Six of us remained when the crew arrived.  They took us further west.  At that time, I could care less.  I’d seen that damn island so long anything else was bliss.  So, I toured the world.  Enjoyed it too.  Six months ago, I was in a place called New Zealand.  I got tired.  I wanted to come home.  See what was left and see if I could rebuild a life.”

 

Nick was bitter.  “You think Heath is that rebuilt life?”

Tom grew equally angry.  “I didn’t know he existed until a few hours ago.  I didn’t come back to hurt anyone.  So, I’ll leave.”

 

“Just like that?”  Nick was incredulous.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good!  The sooner the better.”

 

“I understand.”  Tom began to straighten his stance.

 

“Tom?”  Victoria was no longer convinced of the wisdom of the actions although she had earlier prayed for it.

 

“It’s the best thing, Victoria.”  He added.  “He’s your son.”

 

“But?”

 

He said nothing else.  He walked past both Barkleys and climbed the stairs.  Nick turned to his mother sensing her unease.  “It’s for the best, Mother.  You know that.”

 

Her reply was quiet.  “Are you sure?”

 

“Mother!  You have to believe this is best.  Heath is my brother and no one will ever tell me any different.”

 

She offered her fiery son a smile.  She knew he meant every word.  A small part of her wanted to remind him that Heath really wasn’t and it was selfish of them to keep this secret, but having seen the fear in his eyes at the thought of losing his brother, she held her tongue.  After all, she would be losing a son as well and she couldn’t bear the thought any better than Nick.  “He’s my son and your brother, forever.”

 

Nick nodded.  “I’m gonna go saddle his horse.  The sooner Tom Evanston is gone, the better.”

 

Victoria didn’t notice her son leave.  She was caught up in the maelstrom of emotions.  Tom returned.  He watched Victoria for a few seconds.  He never dreamed anything like this would happen.  The power of the hurt he had caused people hit him hard.  There was no way he was ever going to take this hurt away.  It was yet another failure on his part.  His only hope was that he might somehow, somewhere move on and start again.  He found himself wondering if there were any wild horses or untamed land left.  The wide-open spaces had always thrilled him.  Once again, they beckoned to him.    He opted not to say good-bye.  He moved to the door. 

 

As he turned the handle, Victoria became aware of his presence.  “Where will you go?”

 

“I don’t know.  I suppose I need to stop in Strawberry, bury my demons so to speak.”

 

“You mean bury your past?”

 

“I guess.”

 

“It’s not easy.”

 

He disregarded her comment.  “Thank you for understanding.  I know this isn’t easy for you.”

 

“I don’t know that this is the right thing.”

 

“You seemed pretty confident earlier.”

 

“I don’t know what to do.  It seems no matter what we do, someone will be hurt.”

 

Tom smiled.  “That’s why I’m going.  You’ve chosen the option harder for you, not Heath.  You’re willing to suffer yourself to protect him.”  He bowed deeply from the waist.  “In Japan, the deeper you bow, the more respect you convey.  He’s your son.”

 

She whispered.  “No matter what happens.”

 

* 4 *   

 

Later that afternoon, Heath arrived back at the house.  He was not alone.  A singer named Fay Kelly and her young Indian companion helped him into the house.  A bullet wound to his abdomen created enough disruption and worry that Tom Evanston was soon forgotten.  The doctor hadn’t needed to remove the bullet, the young girl already had, but Heath had lost a lot of blood and the wound needed sutures.  By evening, Heath, although feverish from infection, was resting peacefully and Fay was entertaining the family.  Jarrod and Audra returned the following day and the house was alive with activity.  One might have forgotten Tom Evanston even existed.

 

Nick paid extra close attention to Heath in the weeks following the fateful storms.  Heath chalked it up to his recent injury.  Nick was known to hover when Heath wasn’t at full strength.  Heath was cleaning out the tack room when Nick bumped into him, again.  “NICK!”  He quickly controlled his anger, seeing the hangdog expression on Nick’s face.  “Can ya step back a bit?  I think I’m supposed to breathe on my own.”

 

“I…”  Nick was flustered.  He hadn’t been sleeping well.  He had dreams of Heath leaving, but not pleasantly.  He was ripped from Nick’s arms and he could do nothing to stop it.  He woke with feelings of helplessness each morning.

 

Heath noted his brother’s distress.  He threw out one of his famous lopsided grins and offered a solution.  “I’m thinking we could use an evening off.  Whatcha think?”

Nick relaxed a bit.  “What did you have in mind?”

 

“I hear Georgie’s has had some good hands of poker lately.”

 

Nick pursed his lips and nodded his head.  “I think you may just be right, Little Brother.”

 

Heath smiled and slapped Nick on the back.  “Suppose we should see if Brother Jarrod wants to join us?”

 

“Sounds good.  He can buy dinner.”

 

“We’re goin’ to dinner, too?”  Heath asked, confused but with a twinkle in his vivid blue eyes.

 

“Heck yes…  Big Brother needs to part with some of his money.”

 

“I thought that’s why we was askin’ him to play poker?”

 

“That too!  He does have two incomes after all.”

 

The Barkley brothers were having a fabulous time.  The competition was challenging, the drinks were flowing and the banter entertaining.  The ladies hovering nearby hoping to go upstairs with a Barkley kept the brothers in flirting mode.

 

Erik VanHaag was new to Stockton and was enjoying getting to know the men with whom he played poker.  He laughed as Nick wrestled with Mathilda, who’s advances were getting more amorous.  “You Barkleys sure are a wonder.”

 

Jarrod smiled and responded on their behalf.  Heath was too busy protecting Nick’s beer.  “Why do you say that?”

“Look at you.”  He received everyone’s full attention as Nick finally shed Mathilda.  “You’re nothing alike.”

 

Nick instantly panicked.  “Whatcha mean by that?  We’re brothers, all three of us!  Ain’t no one gonna say any different.”

 

Erik was leery of the venom in Nick’s words.  He held up his hands in defense.  “Whoa!  I didn’t mean nothing.  It’s just that you and Jarrod look alike.”

 

Jarrod was attempting to be diplomatic, knowing Erik most likely didn’t know Heath’s history.  “Nick and I favor our mother.”

 

The liquor and high spirits had loosened Nick’s tongue.   He wrapped his arm around a drunkenly dazed Heath.  “Heath favors our father.”

 

Jarrod clarified.  “He and our sister look like our father.”

 

Nick slurred.  “Damn right.  He’s the spitting image of his father.”

 

The words stuck in Heath’s ear.  “Our?”

 

“Huh?”  Nick swung his head wildly to face his brother. 

 

Heath was instantly serious.  “You said I am the spitting image of “his” father, not “ours”.”

 

“What?  I did not.  You’re drunk.”

 

Heath left it at that.

 

The next morning, the boys were slower then normal about getting to breakfast.  They all endured Audra’s teasing and teased her in return about Erik.  She had met him and was interested.  Heath was quieter than normal. 

 

“Heath?”  Victoria spoke his name softly.

 

Her voice flittered through his brain and he faced her.  “Yes?”

 

“You seemed lost.”

 

“No.  Just thinking.”

 

“Anything you care to share?”

 

He smiled.  “I was actually thinking about Father.”

 

Nick stopped eating and Victoria raised an eyebrow.  “Really?  About what?”

 

“Just something Erik said last night.”

 

Nick interrupted.   “What was that?”

“I was just thinking.  You all say I look like him, but when I look at pictures of him, I don’t see it.”

 

Nick and Victoria exchanged quick glances, which didn’t go unnoticed by Jarrod.  He could feel their unease.  He didn’t know why he was, but he answered.  “We seldom see our resemblance to people.  I suspect it is even harder for you since you never met him.”

 

“I suspect you’re right.  Still…”  Heath gave up mid-statement.

 

Heath couldn’t shake the feeling all day and was distracted.

 

“HEATH!”  Nick shouted above the din.  Heath was supposed to open the corral gate and he wasn’t anywhere near it as a storm of horses aimed at the gate. 

 

Heath came to his senses and moved quickly to release the gate.  He achieved success in the nick of time, but couldn’t avoid his brother’s wrath.

 

“WHAT is your problem?  What were you thinking?  I’ve never seen you like this!”  Nick was in Heath’s face and he couldn’t avoid him.

 

“I dunno.”  He stammered.  “I just can’t get it out of my head.”

 

“WHAT?”  Nick was removing his gloves and slapped them against his thigh.  “You better tell me what this is all about, before you get yourself killed!”

 

“It’s stupid.  Never mind… I promise… I’m over it.”

 

“It would be great if you said that with some conviction.”

 

“I mean it.  I’m fine, Nick.”

 

“Out with it.  NOW!”

 

Heath removed his hat and ran his hand through his hair, buying time.  “I just can’t forget what ya said last night.”

 

“What did I say?  I don’t remember half of what happened.  Why are you letting something from last night bother you?”

 

“You said I look like my father.”

 

Nick grew tense.  “We say it all the time.”

 

“But this was different.  You were so serious.”

“Why shouldn’t I be?”

 

“See?  I can’t explain it.  I just got a bad feeling.”

 

Nick wrapped his hand behind Heath’s neck and pulled him close.  Heath relaxed and expected a moment of brotherly tenderness.  Instead, Nick rapped him on the shoulder with his free hand.  “Knock it off!”

 

That evening, the family gathered in the study.  Nick and Heath had just finished a game of billiards.  Nick was pouring them both a drink.  Heath accepted it and looked toward the picture of the Barkley patriarch.  After a few minutes, he shook his head.  “No.”

 

“What, Darling?”  Victoria had been watching Heath closely.  Nick had told her about his conversation from that afternoon. 

 

“I don’t see it at all.  There is nothing specific that we share.”  Heath was feeling confident in his position.

 

Victoria took a deep breath to steady her nerves.  “You’re right.  Perhaps, we see what we want to see.  It happens all the time.  It doesn’t matter.  What matters is how we feel about each other.  We love you and you are Tom Barkley’s son.”  She choked on the last words and Heath noted it.

 

Heath looked at her.  She felt suddenly guilty.  She felt his eyes penetrate straight to the center of her soul, revealing the truth.  “I’m not Tom Barkley’s son.”

 

“What?  Heath, don’t say such a thing.”  Audra rushed to Heath’s side.  She hadn’t been paying much attention to the conversation.  She and Jarrod were playing checkers.  

 

He gently nudged her aside without a glance.  “It’s true.  I see it in your eyes.”

 

Nick jumped in.  “Don’t be ridiculous.  I don’t know why you have these crazy ideas all of a sudden, but you gotta stop it.  You’re a Barkley and no one can say any different.”

 

Heath looked at Nick.  “Who has said any different, Nick?”

 

“What?  No one… Stop this!”

 

Heath turned back to Victoria.  “Mother?”

 

“Heath.  I don’t know why you are doubting this all of a sudden.”

 

“I can’t explain it either, but I do.  What can you say?”

 

“It’s true.”  Her voice was barely above a whisper.

 

“MOTHER!  NO!”  Nick jumped between them.  He looked at his mother, pleading with his eyes.  “Don’t feed these crazy thoughts of his!”

 

Victoria shook her head, speaking softly.  Jarrod and Audra watched in utter confusion and despair.  “We can’t do this any longer.”

 

Nick dropped his voice to match his mothers.  “No.  Please, don’t.”

 

“Don’t what, Nick?  What don’t you want Mother to tell me?”  Heath laid a hand on Nick’s shoulder, pulling him away from Victoria. 

 

“He came a few weeks ago.”  Victoria was surprised at how easily the words spilled from her lips.  Carrying the weight of the truth had been hard on her. 

 

“Who?”

 

“His name is Tom Evanston.  He was in Strawberry with your fath… Tom.  He is your father.”

 

Heath looked stunned.  His head swam.  He knew something was wrong, but he didn’t really expect to be right. 

 

“He’s lying, Heath.  We ran him off.”  Nick hoped to spare the family further pain.  He scanned the room and saw only stunned faces.

 

Victoria glared at Nick.  “Stop it, Nick.”

 

“How?  I take it you believe him.”  Heath was numb.

 

“You look identical to him, Heath.  I couldn’t help but stare at him when he arrived.  Then…”

 

“Then what?”  Heath asked.

 

“He told us the whole story.  He had been Leah’s…  He was your father.  Tom was never unfaithful to me.”

 

Heath paled.  He mumbled.  “It’s all been a lie.  I have no right to this, to any of you.”

He looked back and forth between Victoria and Nick.  Now he spoke clearly.  “You both knew?  Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Nick raged.  “Well isn’t that OBVIOUS?  We didn’t want you to go.”  He softened his words.  “I don’t care what Tom Evanston says, YOU ARE MY BROTHER!”  Both Audra and Jarrod added their agreement.  For the first time in his life, Jarrod was speechless. He had no knowledge of the situation and could do nothing but sit back and let events unfold. 

 

“And you are my son as well.  Nothing will change that.”

 

Heath shook his head.  “You’re wrong.  This changes everything.”  He lowered his head and stared at his feet.

 

Victoria took Heath’s hand.  “Why?  Does it change your feelings for us?  Heath Barkley you are a member of this family and as you can see, nothing will change that for us.”

 

He looked at her with hurt eyes.  “But you didn’t trust me to decide that for myself, so you kept it from me?  You denied me a chance to talk to my real father, to protect yourselves?”

 

“I can see why you might think so, but please don’t.  We’ve been through too much together.”

 

“Is that what the problem is?  It’s easier to accept the pity of others for having taken in the bastard child then to admit you were deceived and suffer the shame?”

 

The words stung the whole family.  Victoria couldn’t respond.  Nick responded with his fist, planted squarely on Heath’s jaw.  “DON’T YOU DARE TWIST OUR LOVE LIKE THAT!”

 

Audra moved to her mother’s side and hugged her.  Heath rubbed his jaw sprawled on the floor and Jarrod stepped in.  “Heath, we have signed all the legal documents.  There is no changing anything.  You can’t just stop being a member of this family.”

 

“I don’t deserve to be a member of this family.  I brought undeserved shame to this family.”

 

Nick lunged forward and pulled back his arm to strike again.  Jarrod reached up and stopped the fist before contact was made.  Nick used words instead.  “Do I need to beat it into that thick skull of yours?  IT DOESN’T matter what blood runs through your veins.  You joined this family and we don’t let go.  You know that.  Hell, you helped teach us that!”

 

Victoria released Audra and stood before Heath.  She offered Heath her hand.  He stared at her.  “I don’t know what the dictionary says the definition of a son is, but I know what mine is.  A son is someone I love, who is dedicated to his family, a fine man and someone that I am proud of.  You are one of my four sons.  I know no difference between my sons, whether I bore them or not.”

 

Heath turned from the unexpected comments.  The power of her words stung his resentment.  “I need to find him, meet him.”     

 

“We’ll leave in the morning.”  Nick offered his hand.

 

Heath rejected the offer.  “No.  I’ll go alone.”

 

“Heath…”  The name came from all corners of the room.

 

Heath stood and walked out, leaving his stunned family behind.

 

“He’ll come back as soon as he finds his father.”  Audra said it out loud in an attempt to ease the tension.  “Right?”

 

No one could answer her.  They were filled with too much doubt and uncertainty.  The whole story would need retelling many times that night.

 

* 5 *

 

The family gathered at breakfast after a sleepless night.  Nick picked at the eggs on his plate.  Audra didn’t even try.  She looked from face to face through red swollen eyes.

 

“He’s gone.  I checked his room this morning.”

 

“I know.”  Victoria sipped at her cup of tea.

 

Jarrod cleared his throat.  He’d been trying to read his paper, but the words wouldn’t stay focused.  “Perhaps we should talk about this?”

 

Nick grumbled.  “What’s to talk about?  He’s gone!”  He pushed back his chair and left the room.  Audra followed him out.

 

Victoria looked at her eldest son.  “What did you want to know?”

 

Jarrod was perplexed.  “I have no idea.  For the first time in my life, I am lost for direction in this, Mother.  Why?”

 

“Why what?  Did I deceive Heath or believe Tom Evanston?”

 

“Both?”

 

“You’d have to see Tom Evanston.  He is…  He is Heath in twenty years.  The same lopsided grin, the same blue eyes, even the same temperament.”

 

“We saw those things in Heath from Father.”  He tentatively made his next comments.  “How do you feel about this?”

 

“The truth?  The fact that my husband did not betray me?”  She wasn’t going to have this discussion with her son.  She had spent a great deal of time in the past few weeks begging her husband’s forgiveness for thinking he had sinned against his vows.  She knew deep in her heart, that Tom understood.  He would have loved Heath just as much and been just as proud.  She was sure of it.  She wondered how much he was bothered by the smirch on his name.  She wondered if she was right in her assumptions.  It was possible, that were he alive, Tom would have claimed the boy anyway, or maybe not.  She wondered if it had increased his frustration all these years.  Watching them claim a son who was not theirs to claim.  Of course, had he been alive, he could have told them the truth and Heath wouldn’t have become part of their lives.  She knew one day, she and Tom would have a long talk about this.  “That’s not for you to know, Jarrod.”

 

“I guess the laugh is on us.”  Jarrod mused.

 

“Why?” 

 

“If I turn a legal eye on the situation, we accepted Heath into this family on highly subjective evidence.  An article.  A simple article.”

 

“They were friends.”

”Who?”

 

“Leah and your Father.  He was attacked and she nursed him.  They became friends and Tom came with the deal.  Tom said they were called the “Three Musketeers.”  She paused, imagining the scene.  “It was Tom Evanston who captured Leah’s heart.”

 

“You’re sure?  What about the letter?  What about our reaction to Heath?”

 

“I know.  It all makes more sense now, though.  I believe Leah and your Father were friends.  I think he saw a kindred spirit in her.  Maybe that’s why we saw it in Heath?  And as for the letter, reading it now?  He never implies anything.  He said she was the only woman he could have loved as much as me.  Certainly it’s bold, but that was your father.  That’s why he earned people’s loyalty.  He gave you his.”  She shook her head.  “I should have never forgotten that.”

 

“Do you want Heath to return, Mother?”

 

Victoria’s eyes flashed with anger.  “JARROD THOMAS BARKLEY!  I think I made myself perfectly clear last night!  He never was mine by blood and yet I love him as one.  Nothing has changed.  He is my son and always will be.”  She reset her shoulders.  “Do you feel differently?”

 

Jarrod laughed.  “No, Ma’am.  I apologize.  That was that legal education you paid for rearing its ugly head.”  He smiled.  “He’s no less my brother than Nick or Eugene.”  His face fell and sadness overwhelmed him.  “I don’t think the void could ever be filled if he didn’t return.”

 

“For all of us, Darling.  For all of us.” 

 

Nick was saddling Coco using no care or concern, when Audra caught up to him.

“Nick?”

 

“What?”  It was sharper than he intended and he winced inside.

 

Audra wasn’t put off by her brother’s pain.  “Please, don’t rush off.  I need to understand.”

 

Nick’s head fell and he stopped his work.  “I don’t think I understand, Honey.  I don’t know that I can help ya.”

 

“Please, Nick.”  She placed her hand on his still arm.  “It had to be hard to know and not say anything.”

 

Nick turned to face her, impressed with her understanding.  “I thought you didn’t understand.”

 

“Oh Nick!”  She collapsed into his chest and his arms instinctively wrapped around her.  “There was no answer.  Either way.

 

“You got that.”

 

“Can we bring him home?”

 

“I don’t know.  Do we have the right to?  He has a father now.”  It was the first time Nick had said it aloud, although it had lurked in his heart for weeks now.

 

“Of course we do!  He’s our brother.  It’ll be…  It’s just not right without him.”  She pulled back and Nick wiped at the tear that slid down her cheek.  “You’re going after him, aren’t you?”

 

Nick was silent.

 

“Nick?  You can’t just let him go!  We have to bring him back.”

 

“Honey.”

 

“NICK!”  The anguish in her voice pierced Nick’s soul.

 

He grabbed her gently by the upper arms, forcing her to look at him calmly.  “Don’t you think I want to?  We can’t.  We can’t force him to be a Barkley if he don’t want to be.”

 

“But why wouldn’t he want to be a Barkley?  We love him.”

 

Nick released her.  He wanted so desperately to go after Heath, to bring him back and make him stay.  That was the old Nick.  That Nick disappeared when the blond fought his way into the family.  Heath taught him patience and to listen.  He taught him the value of more then brotherhood, he taught him friendship and sacrifice.  He loved and respected his brother too much to force him to do anything.  He laughed.  “He’s got that stubborn Barkley streak.  We’ve gotta wait for him to come back to us.”

 

“Do you really think he will?”

 

Nick’s voice was distant.  “I’ve never prayed harder for something in all my life, Honey.”

 

Heath hadn’t even thought of sleeping that night.  He had paced his room for a long time before slipping into the hallway with a few belongings.  He stopped outside his mother’s door seeing the light underneath.  For a moment he considered the woman he called “mother.”  He loved her as a mother.  There was no doubt of that.  He knew he was going to hurt her but couldn’t shake the feeling that he didn’t deserve her heart.  He knocked and heard her voice call out to him.  Taking a deep breath he had entered. 

 

6

 

As Heath rode Charger, warmed by the sun’s early morning rays, he thought about the information his mother had given him in the wee hours of the morning. She encouraged him to stay and let the Pinkerton’s find out more about Tom Evanston.  He couldn’t.  He couldn’t stay living as a Barkley, knowing he had no claim to that heritage.  On that first night, he told his brothers he wanted a name and a heritage.  They had generously given him both but now neither belonged to him.  In a way, he was back to the beginning and yet the burning desire was nowhere within him.  It shocked him.  He had no desire to be on this path.  He wanted more then anything to be home at the breakfast table with his family, no the family.  They weren’t his.  He knew it in his mind.  The only reason he was on this rugged road was his own expectation.  He knew it was natural that he go and find Tom Evanston.  It was expected that he secure his true name and heritage, if there was one to claim.  Who was placing these expectations on him?  That’s what he couldn’t answer.

 

He knew there was little chance of Evanston still being in Strawberry, yet it was his best chance.  He rode through the deserted town and was filled with memories.  He’d spent his formative years being beaten by this town.  There were so few people who had been his ally here.  He did remember them warmly, but others still managed to rankle him.  

 

He rode straight to Hannah’s, pausing in front of his uncle’s hotel only long enough to curse the man and his wife.  They had long since moved off.  He had no idea where they were and didn’t care.  He found Hannah already at work in her small garden.  He smiled as he watched her.  To most people, she seemed a simpleton.  She had escaped slavery to find a life here.  Often, she escaped into the confines of her own mind.  Others saw it as crazy.  Heath saw it as a survival skill and admired her for it.  He did the same thing, except people saw him as quiet. 

 

“Hannah?”  He moved slowly toward her, waiting for recognition.

 

“Heath?  My Boy, Heath?  Is dat you?”  A huge smile lit her face.

 

“Yes, Ma’am.  It’s me.”  She came to him and he enveloped her in a warm hug.  He was gentle.  He noted her slight frame and felt her age.

 

“Yous home.  Dat so nice.  Have you been by to see ya Mama?”

 

“Not yet.  I’ll go soon.  I wanted to see you first.”

 

“Yous always wuz such a good boy, takin’ care of your ol’ Hannah.”

 

“It sure would be easier if you moved to Stockton.”  Outside, he raised an eyebrow and grinned broadly.  Inside, he cringed.  He hoped she didn’t finally decide to accept his offer.  He wasn’t necessarily going to be there to care for her.  He suspected the Barkleys would though.

 

“Yous a good boy.  I jes biding my time till sweet Jesus brings me home.  You knows dat.”

 

“I know.”  He glanced around the small cabin.  “Looks like I can fix some things for ya.”

 

“Ya don’t have to.”

 

“I know, but I will.” 

 

He set to work fixing, clearing and moving the necessary items.  Hannah fixed them lunch and they sat outside on the porch munching sandwiches. 

 

“Hannah?  Has anyone been by lately?”

 

Hannah cocked her head. “Dat sheriff come by and check on me from time to time.”

 

“Anyone else?”  Heath knew Evanston would have known Hannah.  Heath assumed he would try and find some connection to his former life.

 

“Ya wuz jes here.  Why ya back so soon?”

 

“What?  I was here recently?” 

 

Hannah was instantly confused.  She realized she had made a mistake.  “No.  It wuz him.”

 

“Him, who?”

 

“Dat man.  He bad.  He go way leave Miss Leah with child.  He come back.  I tell him Miss Leah dead.  He bad man.”

 

“But he’s gone now?”

 

“He gone.”

 

“Hannah, do you know where he went?”

 

She shook her head.  “He…”

 

“He what?”

 

“Never you mind.  You go see your Mama now.”

 

He kissed her cheek.  “Alright, I will.”

 

He walked to the grave and found it well tended.  He knew Hannah took good care of it, but this was new.  Wilted flowers rested against the headstone.  As he moved them, he saw a letter.  His heart raced as he unfolded it.

 

“My Dearest Leah,

I am so sorry.  I never meant for this to happen.

I can imagine how you suffered and pray that you have at long last found peace.

I have to believe that someday we will see each other again and I might get the chance to explain.  I love you and I always will.

Tom”

 

“Yeah, right!”  Heath tried to imagine loving a woman so much, that he would leave her.  It made no sense to him.  He crumpled the paper in his hand and threw it aside.  It didn’t deserve to rest on her grave.  As he walked back to Hannah’s, he thought about going home and forgetting Tom Evanston.  He knew the rest of the family would allow it.  He knew he would be welcomed home.  He spent the rest of the afternoon chopping wood.  He left her well supplied. 

 

At dinner, he inquired about the man again.  “Hannah?  Did the man who looked like me, leave anything?”

 

Hannah grew tense and Heath immediately knew he had hit a nerve.  “He did, didn’t he?”

 

“You got no need of anythin’ from dat man.”

 

“Hannah, please.  What did he leave?”

 

She shook her head and ignored Heath for several minutes. 

 

“Hannah?”  His voice was soft and cajoling.  “What did he leave?  Is it for me?”

 

Hannah took his face in her hands.  “He a bad man.  He loved Miss Leah and den lef her with child.  I won’t let him hurt you, too.”

 

Heath rested his hands on hers.  “I promise, he won’t.  What did he leave?”

 

Hannah stood and retrieved a letter from her chest.  “He tol’ me only give this to ya if ya asked about him.”

 

“Thank you, Hannah.”  He kissed the top of her head. 

 

Heath waited to open the letter.  It obviously disturbed her and he had no wish to worry her further.  He spent the night and rode out in the morning.  He stopped just outside of town and sat by a creek to read the letter from his father, his true father.  His hand trembled.  He set the letter on the rock in front of him and clenched and unclenched his fingers.  He found himself wishing Nick were here to calm him.  Just thinking of his family helped and he slid a finger under the fold and released the paper.

 

Dearest Heath,

     I assume since you are reading this, your family has told you of my existence.  I am quite sure you are angry with them for keeping me from you, but understand they did it out of love.  It was that love that convinced me to go.  You’ve found yourself a fine family and bear a proud name.  I know Tom would have been proud to call you son.

     I grew up on a horse farm in Virginia.  I was young and impetuous.  Although I loved the life, I longed to see the world.  So I left home.  I wanted to experience all life had to offer, so I worked my way across the country.  My final goal was China.  I longed to see it for myself. 

    I had run out of money in Strawberry.  I won’t go in to detail, but I met Tom Barkley and Leah Thomson.  In Tom, I found a good friend.  In Leah, I found my life, my love and my soul.  I loved her and she loved me.  If you accept one thing from me, please accept that you were a child conceived in love. 

   Now, I am quite sure you are cursing my name.  I have just professed my love for your mother and yet I left.  Your mother and I talked long and hard about whether I would go or not.  I wanted your mother to come with me, but she wasn’t interested in my dream.  She encouraged me to pursue my dream.  She told me she would wait.  She said true love always did.  So I left.  I planned to be gone no more then two years.  Obviously, that went wrong. 

     I knew I couldn’t expect to return and find Leah still waiting for me.  I hoped she had gone on to find someone to love her.  Imagine my horror to discover she had given birth and raised my son alone.  I was at once proud and devastated.

 

     Your mother was an amazing woman.  I wish I could have changed her life.  I wish I could have changed yours.  I can understand if you hate me.  I hate myself.  I am returning to my home.  I am not sure what I will find there.  If you ever decide you want to meet me, please come to Chatham, Virginia. 

Yours,

Thomas M. Evanston

 

Heath entered the yard, just one day after leaving.  Audra was the first to see him and shouted the alert to her family.  They rushed out to meet him.

 

“Heath!  You’re home!”  She kissed his cheek and he blushed at all the fuss. 

 

Nick, Jarrod and Victoria soon gathered round, obviously thrilled with Heath’s arrival.

 

Jarrod clapped him on the back.  “Glad you’re home, Little Brother.”

 

Heath nodded.  “I can’t stay.”

 

Nick started to erupt, but was silenced by a simple look from Heath. 

 

“I need your help.  I need to go to Virginia.”

 

“Is Tom there?”  Victoria asked.

 

Heath nodded.  “I need to see him.”

 

“I understand.”

 

Nick couldn’t speak.  Jarrod asked.  “What can we do to help?”

 

“I need you to come with me.”

 

Huge grins spread across everyone’s face. 

 

“Not everyone, just Nick and Jarrod should be fine.”

 

“You’ve got it.”  Nick found his tongue and his joy.

 

“It’s not gonna be easy.  You’ve got a hard job.”  Heath was serious.

 

“What’s that?”  Jarrod asked.

 

“Keep me from killing my father.”

 

 

 

*7 *

 

“I can do it for ya, if you want.”  Everyone knew Nick was serious.

 

Heath laughed.  “That’s why Jarrod has to go.”

 

Heath’s reaction at once both stunned and warmed the family.  They all knew it wasn’t easy for him to stay and accept their love but it reinforced for all exactly how far that love had come.  All found themselves wondering what the future held.  Heath’s father was a horse breeder.  There was no doubt in the family’s minds that this was a huge bond for Heath.  Guilt weighed heavy on their hearts as they silently prayed for Heath not to be welcomed in Virginia.  It became clear to them all that if Heath somehow grew to care about his new family, they might lose him.  He would have to choose between coasts.  Would the newness, excitement and lack of stigma be too much attraction for the young man?

 

The entire family, including Eugene gathered at the station to see the brothers off.

 

“I still wish you’d let me go.”  Eugene whined to his eldest brother. 

 

“Gene, I know Heath would love to have you come, but we have no idea how long we’ll be gone.  Someone needs to stay here and see after mother and Audra.”  From Nick it would have sounded condescending but Eugene knew Jarrod was sincere.

 

“I know, but…”

 

Jarrod clapped a hand on his youngest brother’s shoulder.  “Gene.  He knows you love him.  He knows you’ll be there for him and that you want him to come home.”

 

Eugene smiled at the reassurance. 

 

The whistle blew announcing the train’s departure.  Hugs flew between everyone until only Heath, Victoria, Audra and Gene remained on the platform.  Audra and Gene saw the looks being exchanged between mother and son and they thoughtfully stepped away.

 

Victoria’s tiny, gloved hands clutched Heath’s.  “Take care of your brothers.”

 

He smiled.  “I will.”

 

Victoria Barkley was a strong woman and rarely showed her weaker emotions but she couldn’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes.  “He’s a good man.”  She choked out the words.  “I can’t help but feel you’ll learn to like him.  He’s so like you.”

 

“Mother, please stop.”

 

She smiled.  “I’m sorry.  I…”

 

“I’m coming back.”  She smiled and he continued.  “I got lots of feelings mixed up inside right now, but I know one thing is true.”  He took a deep breath.  “A few years ago, an amazing woman opened up her home, family and heart to a stranger who threatened to bring nothing but pain to her life.  Even now, she’s standin’ before me scared she’ll lose me.”  The whistle blew again, interrupting his speech.  “Don’t you think for one minute I could forget how that feels.”  The train moved off and Heath jumped on the bottom step to wave good-bye. 

 

Despite his brothers’ best attempts to entertain him en route, Heath was becoming more quiet and pensive.  He struggled with his future.  He knew the Barkleys loved him and would continue to welcome him as one of their own but no matter what he told his mother, he was not sure he had the right to be there.  He had no plans to stay with his father either.  He knew he had to see the man who had scarred not only his, but his mother’s life.  He wanted to look into, from what he was told, were his own eyes.  He felt a physical response in his body as he considered that first meeting.  He longed to beat the man until he physically felt all the hurt and discomfort Heath and his mother had endured over the long years of his selfish journey. 

 

The rocking of the train lulled Heath into an uneasy sleep.  He dreamed of what his life could have been.  He saw a home, with his mother on the front porch.  She was strong and healthy, living the life of a contented wife and mother.  There was no daily struggle for survival.  It was a small, quaint house, well maintained by his parents.  She woke him each morning and his father tucked him into bed each night.  She greeted him with fresh cookies when he returned from school and warned him to be on time when he left to play with his friends.  His father taught him to ride and shoot.  They spent Saturday afternoon’s fishing and Sunday mornings giggling through church services, under the reproachful eyes of his mother.  When he abruptly woke, the vivid images of his dream quickly faded.  He was left feeling empty.  He knew in his dream he had grown up happy, healthy, and loved by both a mother and a father.  There was no place for the Barkleys in that world.  No matter what, they couldn’t prove it.

 

He was brought to the present by a nudge to his knee.  He looked across to see Jarrod leaning toward him, flask in hand.  “It must have been some dream.  Looks like you could use a shot of this.”

 

Heath accepted the flask and drew a large swig.  He enjoyed the burn of the liquid as it slid down his throat.  “Thanks.  He glanced around the well-appointed private car searching for Nick.  “Where’s Nick?”

 

“He went for a walk.”  He didn’t pause.  “Want to talk about it?”

 

Heath played dumb.  “About what?”

 

“Listen, Heath.  I know you usually talk to Nick about these kinds of things, but I’m here.  I want to help.”

 

Heath smiled bogusly.  “You’re wrong.  I don’t talk to Nick exclusively.”  He was sensitive to Jarrod’s feelings.  By simple fact, Nick knew more about Heath’s life.  They spent more time together.  “Nick’ll tell ya, I don’t talk to him either.”

 

Jarrod chuckled.  “Touché, Brother Heath.”  He grew more serious and jumped right to his point.  “It’s no different.  You know that.”

 

“What?”

 

“You.  Us.  It’s an adoption.  If it makes you feel better, Mother can simply adopt you.”

 

The lengths the family was willing to offer, to show their love for him, should have comforted Heath.  He was instead, angered.  “I ain’t no orphan or a baby for that fact.  You don’t adopt grown men.”  There was a distinct edge to his voice.

 

“If it helps convince you to stay, we will.”

 

Heath’s voice was low.  “It ain’t worth it.”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.”  He stared out the window at the passing scenery.  In that moment, he had made his decision.  He remembered a saying his mother used to tell him.  ‘If God brings you to it, he’ll see you through it.’  God didn’t intend for Heath to have people in his life.  God must mean for him to make his way through life alone.  That had to be it, else wise why would he always throw up these blocks to feeling loved and secure.  Each time he tried to find happiness in the company of others, it was ripped from him.  He knew it was God’s way of showing him his true course.  “I get it.  It won’t happen again.”  He didn’t realize he said it out loud.  Heath’s heart hardened.

 

Jarrod panicked.  He didn’t like the tone of Heath’s statement.  He wasn’t sure what to do, when Heath looked at him with a big grin on his face.  “Let’s have us some fun on this trip.”

 

Jarrod assumed his worries were for naught.  “What did you have in mind?”

 

“Let’s invite some other gentlemen in, order up some food and play us one mean game of poker.”

 

“Well, I don’t think there are any ladies available, but I bet we could scare up a good supply of liquor, too.”

 

“Boy howdy, now you’re thinkin’, Jarrod.”

 

“What’s Jarrod thinking about?”  Nick entered the car having heard only the tail end of the conversation.

 

“Brother Heath, here, would like to turn our car into a gentlemen’s club for the evening.  You game?”

 

“Hmm.  Cards, conversation and alcohol?  I’m not so sure about this.  What would mother say, after all?”    Both Jarrod and Nick were making a concentrated effort to remind Heath of his connection to the family whenever possible.

 

“She’d say, have fun and you know it!”  Heath grinned wickedly.

 

Many hours later, the chaos had ended.  Nick and Jarrod slept soundly as the train pulled into Saint Louis.  Heath caught the conductor and provided new instructions along with a ten dollar gold piece.  Heath grabbed his gear and retrieved Charger from the stable car.  He set off on horseback and within minutes was absorbed by the large city.    When the train pulled out heading east, the Barkley car was not.

 

Nick pulled the door open and was stunned to find their car detached from the train.  “JARROD!” 

 

Jarrod was instantly at Nick’s side.  “What the hell?”  Confusion lived in Jarrod’s eyes.  “Where’s Heath?”

 

“No idea.”

 

“Let’s go find someone to explain this.”

 

“Damn him!”  Nick was livid.  “This whole evening was a sham.  He conned us.”

 

Sadness tinged Jarrod’s reply.  “He was saying good-bye.  I should have seen it.”

 

“Me, too.”

 

**

 

“I can’t help you.  The man said the car was to be disconnected and routed back to Stockton.”  The frazzled station manager was doing his best to calm the agitated brothers.

 

“So he went on with the train?”  Jarrod queried.

 

“The blond?  No.  He took his horse and rode off.”

 

“What?”  Nick turned abruptly and strode off. 

 

Jarrod hurried to catch up.  “Where are you going?”

 

“To find the damn fool.”

 

Jarrod pulled hard on Nick’s arm.  “Nick!”

 

“Let me go.”

 

“NICK.  Look!”  Jarrod gestured to the city before them.

 

“Where are you going to start?”

 

“Where ever it takes.”

  

For five days, the brothers combed the city.  They hired men to scour every inch of the town.  They, themselves, checked every stable, hoping to find Charger.  Each day left them with fewer and fewer options.  Finally, a wire arrived.  There was no tracing its origin.  It was simple, to the point and wasn’t even signed. 

 

“Thank you for everything.

Time to move on.

Go home.”

 

Nick crumpled the paper in his hand.  “Fine.  If this is the way he wants to play it, so be it.”

 

“Nick?”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

The train was hooked up and the two men bid Saint Louis and their brother, good-bye.

 

Eight

 

Heath rode for days.  Sometimes he went north, sometimes east.  He thought about Chicago.  He’d read some interesting articles about the town and thought about checking it out for himself.  Halfway there, he lost interest.  He was losing interest in just about everything.  He tried drinking but couldn’t raise the glass excessively.  Food gave him no pleasure or satisfaction either.  He tried women, but deep down in his soul he didn’t like using them.  Images of his mother always seemed to flood his brain.  He wouldn’t use a woman as his father apparently had.  That hadn’t changed with the change of sire.  He still was a bastard with no name.  Knowing he had a father, who owned up to the whole affair, still did nothing to change his past. 

 

Riding aimlessly for days at a time, he struggled to find the venom that had once driven him through the iron gate of the Barkley ranch.  It was gone.  He knew if he found that passion, he might be tempted to open his heart again.  He didn’t want to risk upsetting God again.  Still, the one thing he could not shake was the desire to meet the man who had destroyed his mother’s life.  Sitting one night beside a small fire, he decided Tom Evanston needed to see the results of his selfishness.  The next morning, he directed Charger due east. 

 

**

 

The weeks hadn’t been kind to Heath as he rode into Chatham, Virginia.  He hadn’t taken a proper bath in weeks, his clothes were dirty and ragged and he hadn’t shaved in even longer.  He’d never purposefully grown a beard before.  During his incarceration at Carterson, he had naturally grown a beard.  He was young then.  The hair on his chin had been soft and fine.  Now, it was dark, coarse and curly.  He glanced at his reflection in a store window and cringed.  For the first time in quite a while, he felt a small urge to be human.  It was a fleeting desire.  He felt in his heart that if he was meant to be alone, it didn’t matter what he looked, or smelled like for that matter.  He nodded in appreciation at the image in the glass.  It suited his purpose.  No one would approach him.  He would be safe. 

 

“Move along!”  A rough voice came at Heath from behind.  He turned to find the local sheriff. 

 

“I ain’t doing anything but lookin’.”   Heath responded.

 

“Don’t much care.  We don’t need your kind around here.”  He was a large intimidating man.  Heath could tell he ruled the town with an iron fist.

 

“Just what is my kind?”

 

“Drifter.”

 

“What makes you so sure I’m drifting?  I set out for Chatham and here I am.”  Heath was feeling a spark of passion in his gut.

 

“Good.  You’ve seen it.  Now, move on.”  The lawman didn’t appreciate the vagrant’s flippant tone.

 

Heath smiled.  “I got no intention or desire to stay.  Just got to see a man and then I’ll leave your precious town be, none the worse for my visit.”

 

There was something about the smile that unnerved the man.  “Who do you need to see?”

 

“Evanston.  Tom Evanston.  Know where I can find him?”

 

Recognition showed in the man’s eyes.  “You the bastard he’s been waiting for?”

 

Heath played dumb, but was stunned that someone expected his arrival.  “No idea.  I just need to see a man about a ship.  Heard he’s the one to talk to.”

 

“Yeah, right.  About three miles out of town, take the fork to the left and the road will take you to the farm.”  Seeing that the directions had sunk in, he added.  “See that you conduct your business quickly and skedaddle.”

 

Heath feigned a salute.  “Sir, yes, sir.  Consider me skedaddled.”

 

He directed Charger in the indicated direction and rode out.  Just before leaving town, he considered getting a room and cleaning up.  “Naw.  Let the old man meet the real me.  It’ll give him something to be proud of.” 

 

He thought about the lawman’s words.  A farm?  My pa is a farmer.  Well, a seaman farmer.  It made no sense to him.  He was expecting a small overgrown, un-maintained cabin.  As he neared his destination, he found instead well-manicured fields and clean formal fences.  As he rounded a bend in the road, a huge red brick mansion loomed before him.  It was the picture of wealth and perfection.  He was stunned.  “This is the farm?”  His heart grew even more bitter, as it had when he rode into the Barkley yard.  Here was yet another father, fabulously wealthy, who had left his mother with nothing.  His heart blackened and his purpose was renewed.

 

Various workers around the yard gawked at him as he rode in and tied his horse to the post near the main doors.  There was a large veranda filled with white rocking chairs and small tables.  He considered taking a seat, as if lord and master of the manor and watching the others work.  It’s not as if he wasn’t due it.  A voice startled him from his thoughts.

 

“Can I help you, Sir?” 

 

The voice belonged to a young woman.  She appeared to be in her late teens.  She had long, blonde hair and big blue eyes.  He knew immediately she was a relative.  He was also reminded of Audra.  He pushed that thought from his mind and spoke.

 

“I’m lookin’ for Tom Evanston.  Is he around?”

 

Her eyes opened wide when he faced her as she spoke.  “You’re Heath, aren’t you?  You look just like him.  Well, I think so under all that grime.  Uncle Tom isn’t here right now, but you’re welcome to come in and freshen up.  You can wait in your room until he gets here.  I think you’d even have time for a bath.”

 

He was stunned.  It appeared he had a cousin.  A cousin filled with fire and passion.  She was blunt and to the point and yet he hadn’t taken offense at her words.  Again, he was reminded of a certain Barkley.  He found himself wondering how long it would be before he could forget them.  “Um…”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Where are my manners?”  She held out her hand.  “My name is Clarice Wescott.   I am your cousin.  My mother is your Aunt.”

 

Heath didn’t acknowledge her relationship.  “Thank you for your offer but I don’t mean to stay, so I’ll just wait here until he gets back.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous.  Come in out of this heat and at least have something to drink.  Mother will have a fit if you don’t.”

 

“Your mother?”

 

“Your aunt, Charlotte.  My mother.”

 

Heath shook his head and started to sit in a chair, when he felt his arm being pulled forward.  He actually stumbled a bit at the unexpected forward motion.  She pulled him through a vast hallway into a room at the far left. 

 

“Here we are.  Now, catch up, while I get some lemonade.”  In a flash she was gone and Heath wondered at her words.  He didn’t have to wonder long.

 

“She sure is bossy, ain’t she?” 

 

Heath whirled around to find himself face to face with Nick Barkley.  Behind him stood Jarrod, just rising from a chair with a book in hand.

 

“She remind you of anyone else, Brother Heath?”  Jarrod chuckled. 

 

“Now see here, Jarrod, I have had enough of that from you.”  Nick was exceptionally defensive.

 

“It’s not my fault you have taken a liking to the young lady and might I emphasize, young.” 

 

“I do NOT.  She’s too young.”

 

“I know.  It’s hard to admit you’ve met your match in a woman.  You wouldn’t be able to handle her.”

 

“JARROD!”

 

Under any normal circumstance, Heath would have enjoyed and joined in the brotherly banter.  He was too stunned to speak.  He simply stared at the men before him.

 

“Well, aren’t ya gonna even say hi, Little Brother?”  Nick was grinning, enjoying this moment.  He’d waited too long for it.

 

Heath said nothing but shook his head slowly back and forth in disbelief.  He knew they had been waiting some time.  He knew they’d missed a great deal of time in their own lives and at their own home for him.  It tugged at his heart.  He denied the pull and turned toward the door. 

 

Nick knew his brother was preparing to bolt.  He was prepared and quickly sidestepped the stunned man and blocked the door.  When Heath stopped, he added.  “You didn’t come all this way not to meet him.  No running now.”

 

Heath growled.  “Get outta my way, Nick.”

 

Nick settled himself more firmly in his stance and prepared for impact.  Jarrod then joined the scene.  “He’s right, Heath.  You need to meet Tom.”

 

Heath’s anger and confusion were growing.  He whirled on Jarrod.  “Tom?  Ya on first name basis with my father, now, Jarrod?”

 

Jarrod realized this was an awkward situation.  “Well, yes.  We’ve been guests in his home for some time.”

 

Heath calmed and even smiled at Jarrod.  “I see.”

 

Nick didn’t trust him.  “You see what?”

 

“Checking out my new family?  Helps you right out don’t it…  You can give me your blessing.”  He paused to emphasize his next words.  “Makes it nice and easy for you to get rid of me.  I always knew it.  Deep down, you’ve always wanted me gone and now you have the perfect excuse.”

 

“WHAT?”  Nick and Jarrod both shouted at once.  Nick moved in and grabbed Heath by the vest.  Jarrod pushed his brothers apart.  “That’s not at all what is happening here, Heath.  We came…” he lost his words.  He looked into Heath’s pain filled eyes and knew that Heath truly believed his own words.  Nothing in Jarrod’s bag of lawyer tricks was strong enough to fight that kind of belief.  “We’re just trying to help.”  The words were lacking in conviction.

 

Nick looked at Jarrod in disbelief, not used to seeing him fail.  “What Jarrod means, is that we can understand if you’re gonna have two families now.”

 

“I got no family, Barkley!”  Heath pushed between his two former brothers and strode to the door.  Clarice and an older woman met him at the threshold.   

 

“Heath?  Where on earth are you going in such a hurry?  I’ve brought Mother to meet you.”  Her smile and words were genuine.

 

“Ma’am” Heath nodded and then continued.  “I think there’s been some mistake.  I’m sorry to bother you.  I’ll be on my way now.”

 

The elegant, blond-haired woman laid a hand on his arm.  “You most certainly will not be on your way.  You came here for a reason and I intend to be sure you carry that out.”

 

“No Ma’am.  There’s nothing here for me.  I was wrong.”

 

Charlotte Evanston Wescott was a wise, aging southern belle.  She was not so naïve as to assume the arrival of her nephew would be easy.  The return of her brother had been a glorious shock and yet had also not been easy.  His admission of a son had stunned the family further.  She stared into the face of her brother so many years ago and she saw an opportunity that she would not let pass.  “You are wrong only if you leave.” 

 

“I don’t think so, Ma’am.”  He stepped around her and walked through the foyer. 

 

Charlotte followed him.  “Heath?”  As he reached the door, he turned to face her.  “Many years ago my brother stubbornly fought to leave this family.  He insisted he had dreams to follow and that we held him back.”  She paused, seeing that he did indeed seem to be listening to her words.  “You are a man twice blessed.”

 

Heath was stunned and on the verge of laughter.  “What?”

 

“You have two families who love you and want you as part of their lives.”

 

“You’re wrong.”

 

“No, I am not.”

 

“You don’t even know me.”

 

“Young man, I have spent a great deal of time with the two men in that study.  They love you.  Even knowing you aren’t theirs by blood, they are prepared to fight for you.  That says a lot to me about the kind of man you are.  That is the kind of man I wish to know.  You are my nephew.”

 

Heath was suddenly reminded of the words Victoria Barkley had used with him that first night.  He struggled to find the right words.  He was saved by the approach of Tom Evanston from the porch.

 

“Heath?” 

 

Heath turned to face the man and found the likeness startling.  Again, he had no words.

 

Tom spoke.  “I’m so glad you’ve finally come.  You don’t know what this means to me.  I’ve been thinking about you so much since I found out about you.”

 

“That so?”

 

Tom knew this wasn’t going to be easy.  Nick and Jarrod had told him stories of the hatred Heath held deep in his heart.  “It is.  I know I can’t expect anything of you, but…”

 

He was cut off by Heath’s fist delivering a sharp blow to his chin.  As Tom lay sprawled on the porch, Heath glared at him.  “You’re wrong.  You can expect my undying hatred.”  Heath held out his hands. “Take a good look at me.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s the last you’ll ever see me.  I’ve got no desire to end your guilty conscience.  You can rot in hell for all I care.  I may be the bastard by birth but you are by selfish choice.”

 

Nick and Jarrod had moved into the foyer and witnessed Heath’s attack.  They followed him into the yard, rushing to catch him.

 

As Heath double-checked his cinch, Nick laid a hand on his back.  Heath violently flinched and turned to them.    “Get away from me!”

 

“Heath!  We understand.  You don’t need them.  You have us!”  Nick was trying to stay calm.

 

“He’s right, Heath.  Let’s go home.  You’ve said your peace.”  Jarrod was calm.

 

Heath laughed.  “What?  I get my way?  You’d just let me go?  I don’t have to learn to love him?  YOU JUST DON”T GET IT, DO YOU?”  Heath roared.  “I’ve learned something.  I ain’t one of you.  I don’t have to take it anymore.  I don’t have to do what you ask or behave as YOU think I should.  I am finally FREE.  I don’t need or WANT you anymore.”  Heath mounted up and pushed Nick and Jarrod away by swinging Charger wide. 

 

“NOW JUST WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE, BOY!”  Nick grabbed at Charger’s reins.  “What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“DON’T CALL ME BOY!”  Heath’s rage was uncontrollable.  He hated the feeling.  He struggled for control.  “Go home, Nick.”  Heath really didn’t want to fight Nick.  He simply didn’t have the strength for it.

 

“NO one is going anywhere until you tell me just what you meant by that speech, BOY.”  Nick stood firm.

 

Heath dismounted and violently shoved Nick aside.  “You think you callin’ me ‘Boy’ is special?  I been called that by better men then you, like dear Uncle Matt and let’s not forget all the guards at Carterson and Matt Bentell himself.”  He paused just long enough to see his words sink in.  “You never once really accepted ME.  You accepted what I was willing to be in order to get your love.  Well, I know better now.  I don’t need you anymore.  I ain’t Tom Barkley’s son and I got no need to pretend to be.”

 

“Heath!”  Jarrod risked grabbing Heath’s arm.  “You can’t leave it like this.  I… We don’t understand.  It doesn’t make sense to us.”

 

Heath jerked his arm back.  “That’s the point.  You never will.”

 

He leapt back in the saddle and spurred his horse into motion before anyone could do any different.

 

* Nine*

 

Heath rode fast and hard for what seemed like forever.  The terrain was unfamiliar and he truly had no idea where he had gotten himself.  Seeing a stream ahead, he directed Charger to it and climbed off.  He led his faithful horse to the stream and they both drank greedily. 

 

“I don’t suppose you’d consider standing there for several hours?”

 

The sweet, southern drawl caught Heath off guard.  He turned to face the voice and saw a vision of loveliness.  She was tall and thin, with untamed brown curls cascading down her back and across her shoulders.  The deepest brown eyes he had ever seen met him.  He struggled to find his voice.  “I beg your pardon?”

 

She held her satchel up a bit to show him.  “It made a lovely picture, I thought I would like to paint it.”

 

Heath wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not.  “I don’t think so.  I’m just passing through.”

 

“To where?”  Her smile unnerved him.

 

“Um…  Not sure, but I need to be going.”

 

“Why?  It’s a lovely area.  Surely, you could stay and see it?”  Shelby Bryant was not used to being so forward.  She had watched the man drive his horse forward.  He rode like no other man in the area and she knew at once that he was something different.  Her guardians would be shocked at her boldness.  “Are you here on business?”

 

“Um, no.  It’s personal, I guess.”

 

She moved forward and extended her hand.  “Shelby Bryant.  How do you do?”

 

Heath was transfixed by this woman and offered his hand back, but not before wiping it on his shirt.  “Heath.”

 

Shelby was intrigued.  She knew a Heath Barkley was expected and this seemed to be him.  “Heath?”

 

Heath thought for a moment.  “Thomson.  Heath Thomson.”

 

For a moment, Shelby wondered if it were possible to have two Heaths on Evanston land.  “Very nice to meet you, Mr. Thomson.”

 

Heath found a smile suddenly formed on his face.  “Likewise, Miss Bryant.  Do you often wander out and about alone?”

 

She laughed, knowing her family didn’t really appreciate her wandering soul.  “Yes, I do to be honest.  I meet the most interesting people.”

 

Heath smirked.  “That so?  Do tell.”

 

She boldly returned his smile.  “For instance, today, a young man flew by me in a hurry.”

 

“Really?”

 

She nodded, thoroughly enjoying the game.  “Yes.  I knew he wasn’t from around here, so I followed him.”

 

“Very brave.  He could be a criminal.”

 

“I suppose, but I don’t think so.  He led his horse to the water to drink and then drank himself.  A criminal wouldn’t put his animal’s best interest before his own.”

 

“You don’t say?  That’s an interesting observation.  What else did you notice?”  Heath felt his heart betraying his mind.  He knew he should just ride out, but for some reason this woman had him frozen.

 

“He’s very rugged and has amazing blue eyes.”

 

“You had to get pretty close to notice his eyes.”

 

“I always notice eyes first.”

 

“Interesting.”

 

She broke the spell and indicated her satchel.  “I’m an artist.  I make a point to seek out eyes.  They are so expressive.  You can often tell a man’s whole life by looking in his eyes.”

 

The honesty of the statement intimidated Heath and he looked away.  He moved back to his horse and fiddled with his saddle.  “I gotta be going.  I’m sure you’re a very talented artist.”

 

“Won’t you stay?”

 

“Can’t.”

“Why not?  Where do you have to be?”  She paused.  “I know this sounds strange but I really don’t want you to go.  I’d really like to get to know you?”  She blushed.

 

“I…”  Heath wasn’t about to open up to her, no matter what his heart told him.  “I need to go.  I can’t stay around here.”

 

“Will you be back?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then please sit and have a snack with me?”

 

Heath looked quizzically at her.  “A snack?”

 

“I have cookies.  Will you have one?  Please?”  She paused, seeing his debate.  “No offense intended, but it looks like you could use more then just a cookie.  Maybe I can convince you to stay and have dinner with me.”

 

Heath shook his head.  “No.”

 

She smiled.  “No cookie or no dinner?”

 

Heath laughed, sensing defeat.  “No dinner.”

 

She walked over to a large rock on the bank and patted the empty space next to her.  “Perhaps the cookie will change your mind?”

 

Heath rode back into town with a smile on his face and try as hard as he could, it wouldn’t go away.  Despite his earlier promises to close off his heart, he was pretty sure he had just fallen head over heels in love with Miss Shelby Bryant.  How in the span of one cookie, she had managed to convince him to stay around and meet her for lunch tomorrow at the same spot, he would never understand.  He found a small out of the way hotel and checked in under the name Thomson.  He deliberately obscured his first name on the register, just in case anyone came looking for him. 

 

He settled his meager belongings and went down to the bathhouse to wash up.  The beard remained, but it was trimmed and cleaned, thus feeling better.  On his way to the bath, he stopped and indulged in a new set of clothes.  He left his soiled clothes in the care of the desk clerk for cleaning.  Feeling fresh and clean, he ate a quick dinner in the small diner next door and turned in early. 

 

The following morning, he wandered about the town, he couldn’t help but notice the number of businesses that contained the names Evanston or Wescott.  He tried hard not to dwell on either of his ‘families’ and replayed his interactions with Shelby instead. 

 

He had learned a lot about her in that short conversation.  She was living with her guardian as her parents had died when she was twelve.  She loved all things of the earth and her passion was anything artistic.  Her guardian had made her a small studio in the loft above the stable.  She would sculpt items and drew sketches in her notebook, but especially loved painting.  When the weather was nice and she could talk her guardian into it, she would camp for days in an area to paint landscapes.  He had successfully avoided questions about himself.  He told her only that he came from a small mining town in the west and his mother was dead. 

 

“You don’t seem to be a miner, now?”

 

Heath had laughed when she made the statement.  “No. I do just about everything else though.”

 

He rode leisurely to the same spot as yesterday, wondering what might happen today.

 

* * *

 

“Where are you off to, Young Lady?”  Everett Wescott inquired of his ward.  Shelby wasn’t his own child but he loved her as much.  Her father had been his best friend and business partner and when an influenza epidemic claimed him and his wife, there was no doubt he would accept responsibility for her. 

 

“Just off for an afternoon of sketches.”  Shelby leaned in and kissed his cheek, then added.  “Worry wort!”

 

“Now, see here, Young Lady.  You have a picnic basket filled with enough food for an army.  I’d like to know who you’ll be meeting.”

 

“Darling, all that fresh air makes me ravenously hungry.”  She laughed.

 

Everett grabbed her wrist gently and in a serious voice asked again.  “Who are you meeting?”

 

Understanding that she had no choice, she stated simply.  “Just a gentleman that I met.”

 

“So, I am understand that you are meeting a man, at the river, for a picnic?  Who is it?  Do I know him?”

 

“No, I don’t believe you know him.”

 

“Then I expect you shall invite him here before you spend time alone with him.  You won’t be picnicking with him today.”

 

“No.  Please.  That’s not fair.”

 

“Not fair?  When did it become acceptable for a young lady to be in the company of a strange man?”

 

“He’s not a stranger.”

 

Everett raised an eyebrow in her direction.  “Then why don’t I know him?”

 

Shelby let out a growl of exasperation.  “He’s not staying long.  We met yesterday and I enjoyed his company.  He’ll be leaving and I’ll not see him again.”

 

“Then there is really no need to see him today.”

 

“What?  Please.  Don’t do this.  I promise nothing is going to happen.  I’d just like to see him again.  He asked to see some of my work.”

 

“No.”  Everett went back to his paper.

 

Clarice and Charlotte had remained silent during the breakfast debate.  Shelby pouted and grumbled at her seat.  When Everett seemed to have calmed, Charlotte quietly asked if a compromise might be reached.

 

“He won’t come here, I’m sure of it.”  Shelby immediately ended her argument, knowing it hadn’t helped her at all.

 

Charlotte eyed the girl reproachfully and continued.  “Perhaps, Clarice could accompany her on this picnic?”

 

Clarice winked at her best friend.  “That would be wonderful, Father.  Please?”

 

Everett looked into the eyes of the women in his life.  In this instance, he knew he was beaten.  “Alright.  If Clarice goes along.”  He paused and the girls smiled with glee.  “BUT don’t even think of being late for dinner.”

 

Both girls moved to either side of the man they adored and hugged him tightly. “Thank you.”

 

Everett looked at Shelby with kind eyes.  “Don’t disappoint me.”

 

Shelby smiled back.  “I won’t.  I promise.”

 

Jarrod, Nick and Tom interrupted the moment, all three carrying their saddlebags as they entered the room. 

 

Tom spoke.   “We’ll be off now.”

 

Charlotte rushed to her brother’s side.  “Don’t be long, please?”

 

Tom gathered her into a hug and as he released her he spoke.  “I’m sorry, Charlie.  I hate leaving like this, but I can’t let him go.  Not like this.”

 

“I understand.”  She held her tongue and then opted to release it.  “You’re rushing him.”

 

Tom looked to Nick and Jarrod.  “I have to go by what they say.”

 

She shook her head.  “I know.  I know.  But, he’s hurting.  He’s confused.  He doesn’t know who he is and the three of you chasing after him isn’t going to help.”

 

Nick tried to alleviate her concerns.  “Charlotte, Heath is good.  If he wants to be hidden, he’ll stay that way.  Our only hope is to follow his trail before it gets too cold.”

 

“Nick, I know this hurts.  It hurts us all, but you might only be driving him farther away from everyone.  Can’t this wait a few more days?”  Charlotte knew the three men understood nothing of Shelby’s lunch plans.  Although she hadn’t mentioned his name, both she and Clarice were fairly sure she had run across Heath.  Inside, Charlotte was very hopeful.  It wasn’t often that something drew Shelby’s attention away from her work, so she knew this man was something special.  She also knew that if the man had affected Shelby in this way, she might be just the person for Heath at this moment.  Strong feelings like that were seldom mutual.  “Please, Tom.  For me?”

 

Tom Evanston was also hard pressed to deny his sister anything.  They had been very close as children and throughout their teens.  His recent return had been both a blessing and struggle.  She had gone on with her life.  She’d married Everett Wescott and they had two children of their own, a boy and a girl.  Everett ran the family businesses and controlled the vast Evanston holdings.  He’d never tell Charlotte, but he didn’t trust Everett.  Tom had made every attempt to learn as much as possible about the family’s financial situation.  He knew Everett didn’t like him.  Tom’s existence threatened everything in Everett’s life for the Evanston estate was left solely to the eldest surviving Evanston child and that was Tom.  He looked back and forth between his sister and the Barkley brothers searching for an answer. 

 

“Tom.”  Jarrod spoke to try and save his suffering mind.  “We can go.  All three of us might overwhelm him more.  Stay here and let us find him.”

 

Nick joined in.  “After all, we do have more experience with him then you do.”

 

Tom’s words came out before he could control them.  “Yes, I saw that yesterday.”

 

The sting of Tom’s words wasn’t lost on anyone in the room.  “Heath needs to know I do care.”

 

“He will, Tommy.  But he has to be willing to accept your love first.”

 

A frantic rider in the yard interrupted the entire scene.

 

Continued….

 

 

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