Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program Big Valley are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the authors. The ideas expressed in this story are copywrited by the author.

This story contains graphic adult content. If you are under 18 please leave now!!

 

Demons of Silence- by Buckaroo42

Part 14

Nick and Heath rode the train most of the way but had to forfeit it for horses when they arrived in Pueblo and they entered the small town of Rocky Ford, Colorado after two days on horseback.  The two tired cowboys stood at the front desk, waiting for someone to give them some rooms. Naturally, Nick grew impatient first and slammed his hand on the desk bell a couple of times to get someone’s attention. When the man appeared, Nick growled, “It’s about time.”

Ignoring Nick’s evil look, the man asked politely, “How can I help you...gentlemen?”

Heath spoke up, sparing the man Nick’s foul mood, “We need a couple rooms.”

Nick was leaning with his forearm on the counter glaring at the poor desk clerk, who stammered, “You want baths? They’re extra.”

Heath hid his smile at Nick’s behavior by ducking his head and grabbing the register, “Yeah, a bath sounds good.”

The man gave Heath a wary smile as he signed the book, “That will be six dollars.”

Heath took their keys and slapped Nick on the back as he headed towards the stairs, “Pay the man, Nick.”

Heading towards Heath to grab his retreating form, Nick argued. “Hey, now wait a minute.” The desk clerk cleared his throat and Nick turned back. With a frustrated look, he threw the man his money and rushed to catch up with his brother.

Before he could berate Heath for leaving him with the tab, Heath cut him off, “You gotta learn to control that temper Nick.”

Nick yelled, “I don’t have a temper!”

Heath kept a straight face as he replied, “Whatever you say big brother.” Heath handed Nick his key and disappeared into his own room, leaving a dumbfounded Nick standing in the hallway.

An hour later, they both reappeared, looking and feeling much better. They exchanged a lighthearted banter all the way back to the desk and again found themselves waiting for the shy little man to appear. When he finally did make an appearance, Nick was already pacing. “What can I do for you?”

Heath reached into his vest and pulled out a picture of Jarrod to show the man, “We’re looking for this man, you seen him?”

The desk clerk looked at the picture and he immediately recognized him as J.T. Smith.  Everybody in town knew about the quiet man and his sister.  They also knew not to rile him.  He’d seen his temper erupt and he wasn’t too sure what these two gentleman wanted with him. Not wanting to incur J.T.’s wrath he asked warily, “What do you want him for?”

That was all Nick needed to hear and he reached over the counter and grabbed the man by the shirt, then practically pulled him across the counter.  Nick growled, “Where is he?”

Heath intervened quickly, “Nick let him go.” Nick reluctantly let him go and Heath did his best to calm the terrified desk clerk, “Look we don’t mean him no harm. He’s our brother. Can you please tell us where we can find him?”

Not sure what to do, the man eyed both men nervously, then looking at his watch, answered timidly, “He’s probably headed over to the restaurant to eat dinner. His sister works there.” 

“His sister? Now I know for a fact his sister is at...” Heath cut Nick off before he could say anymore.

“Where’s this restaurant at?”

The clerk replied sarcastically, “Just down the street. Can’t miss it. It says Restaurant on the front.”

Nick sneered at the man’s attempt at humor and slapped him on the back almost knocking him over, “Oh that’s funny.”

Frustrated, Heath grabbed Nick, “Come on Nick, let’s go find Jarrod.”  Heading out the door, the two men looked up and down the street until they spotted the right place. Just as they were about to cross the street, they both stopped suddenly as their eyes found the man walking down the boardwalk towards the restaurant.  Heath and Nick ran across the street, Nick yelling, “JARROD!” 

Jarrod had no time to react as the two men approached and the taller of the two suddenly wrapped his arms around him in a bear hug.  Jarrod’s first reaction was panic and then he tried to free himself from the man’s embrace. Since Nick wasn’t actually trying to restrain him, Jarrod only had to step back to get away from the him. He stood facing the two men, fear encroaching on him, but refusing to let it show.  The two men were smiling and they both advanced on him again. Not wasting any time, Jarrod had Nick’s neck in his now famous death grip and slammed him up against the wall.

Ruth was cleaning tables for the upcoming dinner crowd when she heard someone yell Jarrod’s name . Alarmed, she rushed outside and was shocked to see two men advancing on Jarrod.  Hurrying to Jarrod’s aid, she watched as Jarrod took control of the situation.  He had the dark haired one up against the wall and the blonde haired man was grabbing Jarrod from behind trying to pull him off his friend.

Knowing Jarrod, Ruth realized the blonde man was making the biggest mistake of all by grabbing Jarrod from behind.  Ruth rushed forward and screamed, “Let him go!”

Heath wasn’t having any luck pulling Jarrod away from Nick, who was trying frantically to remove Jarrod’s hand from his throat. Jarrod remained expressionless, his eyes darkened by fear, his hand slowly squeezing the life out of Nick. Heath was panicking at Nick’s predicament and yelled back at Ruth, “He’s killing his own brother for Gods sake!”

Ruth gasped at Heath’s words and cried desperately, “Let him go! Quit touching him and he’ll let go. Please just trust me! Let him go.”

Afraid for Nick, Heath cautiously released Jarrod and stepped back.  Nick, desperate for air, immediately lifted his hands up and away from Jarrod’s.  Ruth stepped into Jarrod’s line of sight and spoke softly, “It’s okay Jarrod. Let him go.”  Jarrod immediately complied.  Jarrod’s heart was racing and his panic was just below the surface.  Ruth sensed his need to get away from prying eyes but needed to reassure him she would be okay before he’d let her stay with two men. Ruth made eye contact with Jarrod and spoke to him in a whisper as she stroked his arm. “These are your brothers Jarrod. They won’t hurt me, I promise. Why don’t you go home and I’ll be along shortly. Okay?” Jarrod never said a word but his eyes shined with gratitude as he leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.  Never even looking at his two brothers, he walked towards home.

Nick slumped against the wall, rubbing his throat and trying to take in more air, when he saw Jarrod walk away.  “Hey, wait a minute.”

Ruth stepped directly in front of Nick as he tried to follow Jarrod, and firmly placed her hand on his chest “Don’t!”

Nick gestured in the direction that Jarrod was going, “What if he takes off?”

“He’s not going anywhere without me Mr. Barkley. Your brother is just going home,” said Ruth calmly.

Nick stood up, towering over her small frame and roared, “AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU LADY?” Heath jumped to Ruth’s defense and stepped between her and his brother.

Looking Nick right in the eye, Heath hissed, “Back off Nick.  Give her a chance to explain.”

Ignoring their outburst, Ruth addressed the two brothers as they glared at each other, “Do you have rooms yet?” When they nodded, Ruth continued, “Why don’t we go to your room and I‘ll explain.” Not giving them a chance to say yes or no, she headed across the street, glancing sideways to see if Jarrod had made it home.

Nick paced the room and waited impatiently for the woman before him to speak. “My name is Ruth Barron.”  She considered using her married name,  but eventually it would come out that Thad was her brother, and she wanted everything out in the open.  When she saw both men blanche at her name,  Ruth paled and realized they already knew about Thad. “Yes, Thad was my brother. I assure you that is not something I’m proud of. None of that is important. What is important, is Jarrod.” Nick wanted to interrupt, but Ruth stopped him. “I can’t go into a lot right now because I need to get back home.” Ruth was really worried about Jarrod and just wanted to get this over with. “Jarrod does not know who you are. He doesn’t remember anything prior to three months ago.” Ruth blinked back the threatening tears and said, “Your brother has suffered a lot in that time.  He does not speak at all and with the exception of myself he doesn’t let anyone touch him. He has a very hard time just letting people close to him.” Nick had his back to her as he stared out the window, but Heath watched her every word.

“What can we do to help him?” Heath asked.

“Right now you can help him the most by not trying to push yourselves on him.  He may appear strong to outsiders but he is still healing on the inside.  He’s come a long way and I think with time he’ll get better, but he needs just that, time.”

Nick turned and confronted Ruth, his stance screaming with anger, “Just what did your brother do to him?”

Unintimidated by Nick, Ruth shook her head, “I don’t know the specifics for sure, and even if I did, I won’t betray Jarrod by telling you. That’s up to him to decide what he wants people to know.  As you probably know, your brother is a very private man.” Ruth stood up and said sympathetically, “I know you have a lot of questions about your brother, but I really need to get home.  I can meet you tomorrow and we can talk some more.”

Nick grabbed her as she turned to leave, “That’s it. We’ve come all this way and you say we’ll talk tomorrow. What about Jarrod? When do we get to see him?”

Ruth ignored Nick’s outburst and spoke calmly, “When Jarrod is ready to see you Mr. Barkley.  Until you showed up he didn’t even know he had any brother’s. All I could tell him was his name and he had family in Stockton.”

“Why didn’t he come home if he knew he had family?”

“I don’t know Mr. Barkley, only Jarrod can answer that.  Now please, if you’ll excuse me I really need to go.” Too stunned to argue, Nick let her go.

Heath stood and touched her on the shoulder, “At least let me walk you home.”

Ruth hesitated and then shook her head, they didn’t need to know that she and Jarrod shared a home.  She didn’t think they were ready for that just yet.  “I’ll be fine. But thank you.”

Nick and Heath stood silently and watched her leave. Both too stunned to say much. They didn’t know what to expect when they found Jarrod, but him not remembering his family had never crossed their minds.

Part 15

Ruth returned home and found Jarrod sitting quietly staring into the fire.  She could see the slight tremor in his hands and knew he was fighting with his emotions. “Jarrod, are you okay?”

He gave her a weak smile and reached a hand out to her.  Ruth hurried to join him. He sat back on the couch and made room for her between his legs. Ruth snuggled close and leaned her head back against his chest. Jarrod wrapped his arms around her and dropped his head on to her shoulder. Holding her tightly to his chest, the shaking got worse and Ruth rubbed the arms that held her until the worst was over.  When he finally lifted his head from her shoulder Ruth began to speak, “I know you don’t want to face this Jarrod, but they are your family.  Family that obviously cares about you.  Those two men over at the hotel are your brothers and have come all the way from California to find you.”

Jarrod grasped her arms and gently pushed her forward so he could see his face. Ruth wasn’t surprised when he shook his head.  Ruth shifted on the couch so she could talk more comfortably. It was difficult talking to Jarrod when she couldn’t see his face. “Jarrod, they just want to see you.  I’ve explained a few things to them and I told them I’d meet with them in the morning.” Jarrod’s expression turned to one of shock, and he shook his head quickly. Ruth consoled him, “I won’t tell them anything you don’t want them to know Jarrod, I promise.” Jarrod’s relief was palpable and Ruth continued, “You have a past Jarrod, a past you need to know about. Don’t you ever wonder how or why you ended up at Thad’s?  You were a good man Jarrod. I think something happened that made you want to forget. But it’s time to face that past Jarrod.”  Jarrod hung his head with a sigh. He knew she was right but that didn’t make it any easier.  

“Will you come with me tomorrow?” Jarrod firmly shook his head.   As much as he knew he probably should, he just wasn’t ready yet.  Ruth sensed his indecision and relented, “Alright Jarrod I’ll go, but you are gonna have to meet them eventually.” Jarrod pulled her back into his embrace and leaned down and kissed her neck. Ruth settled against him and asked hesitantly, “What do you want me to tell them about us Jarrod?” He lifted her hand, the one she wore the ring on and pointed at it. Ruth smiled with relief and relaxed.  They sat on the couch in silence for several hours. Ruth would make an occasional comment and Jarrod teased her with caresses and kisses. They eventually fell asleep in each others arms. When Ruth woke the next morning, she was covered with a blanket and Jarrod had already gone to work.

*******************************************************************************

Nick and Heath headed to the restaurant the next morning for breakfast.  As they sat eating, Heath noticed the darkening bruises on Nick’s neck and pointed at them as he spoke. “He got ya pretty good there brother.”

Nick’s hand went to his still sore neck and leaned towards Heath as he replied, “I gotta tell ya Heath, he had me good.  I’ve always been able to defend myself pretty good against big brother, but I couldn’t loosen the hold he had on me yesterday. When I grabbed his arm I didn’t find the lawyer arms I’m used to.  He was solid Heath.”

Heath nodded, “I know what ya mean Nick.  I don’t know what he’s been doing, but whatever it is, it ain’t lawyerin’.”

Nick shook his head and gave Heath a small grin. “I know one thing. I don’t want to piss him off again.”

Heath gave his older brother a lopsided grin of his own, “I reckon we ought to head back to the hotel and wait for Ruth. Maybe she’ll have some more answers for us.”

Nick stood and spoke vehemently, “She better have more than answers. I want to see Jarrod. Find out what the hell’s goin’ on inside that head of his.  All this time we’re at home worrying about him and he’s out running around the countryside.” Nick’s expression saddened and he added, “Why didn’t he just come home?”

Heath patted Nick on the back. “I don’t know Nick. I reckon he’s got a lot of stuff goin’ on inside that head of his.  Maybe he didn’t think we was ready for that.”

Nick eyed Heath curiously, as if Heath knew something he didn’t.  Heath did in fact know something Nick didn’t. He knew a little bit of what his older brother was probably feeling.  Judging by what he’d found in those woods in Texas, Jarrod had suffered unbelievable torture . That kind of torture left its mark on a man and wasn’t easily forgotten, he knew that much from his own experiences.  Nick noticed Heath’s blank look and asked with concern, “Hey, you okay?”

Startled from his thoughts, Heath gave Nick a small smile of reassurance. “Yeah I’m fine Nick. Just thinkin’ about Jarrod is all.”

Nick slapped him on the back, “Well, let’s go see what we can find out.”

The two men arrived at the hotel to find Ruth already waiting on them. Nick blurted out, “Where’s Jarrod?”

“Jarrod wasn’t ready to meet with you just yet. As I said last night, he needs some time to come to terms with you being here.” Ruth looked around nervously, aware of the eyes upon the group and asked, “Can we please go upstairs and discuss this?”

They made their way upstairs to Heath’s room and Ruth took the only chair. Heath perched on the dresser and Nick paced.  “I tried to get Jarrod to go home when we first escaped and he refused. I don’t doubt he had his reasons.”

Nick was having a hard time accepting this woman and it showed, “Who are you lady? How do you know Jarrod so well?”

“I meet Jarrod several years ago when my husband died. He did me a favor. I never saw him again until he showed up at my brother’s house.  I recognized him immediately.  I did what I could for him throughout his time with my brother.”

Nick stopped in front of her and with one hand on his hip he waved the other. “Why did you let your brother do that to him? Why didn’t you get him out of there sooner?”

Ruth blanched at Nick’s hurtful words, “I did what I could Mr. Barkley” Tears formed in her eyes as she replied, “I was afraid of my brother. Afraid of what he would do to me, that and my brother never left the farm once Jarrod arrived. I had to wait until he left for town before helping Jarrod escape.” Ruth hung her head shamefully and the tears she fought so hard against, fell. “Unfortunately, by the time Thad decided to leave, the damage to Jarrod was done. We left that same day.”

Heath watched the woman silently and realized that Jarrod was obviously someone she cared a great deal for.  Heath walked over to her and handed her his handkerchief. Once she composed herself, Heath asked curiously, “Why are you pretending to be Jarrod’s sister?”

“When we were on the run from my brother we thought it best to use different names.  We needed an excuse for traveling together and that one seemed to work the best.”

Heath frowned, “And now that your brother is dead?”

Taking a deep breath, Ruth told them apprehensively, “We share a house on the edge of town. It looked better if the townspeople continued to think we were brother and sister.  Before you arrived, we were planning to leave town.” Ruth hesitated and looked up trying to gauge what their reaction would be to her final words.  “We were going to get married on the way out of town.”

Nick stared at her in disbelief, but Heath had the sense and good manners to congratulate her.  Grateful, Ruth smiled. When she looked at Nick to see his response he quickly covered himself with a half-hearted congratulations of his own. Ruth waved them both off, “I know you don’t know me and I figure that’s going to take some time.  Right now my only concern is Jarrod.  Contrary to what you might think,” Ruth gave Nick a pointed stare as she continued, “I am trying to get Jarrod to see you. I think he will. I too, think that Jarrod should return home with you and get to know his family again.” Nick hung his head contritely at his treatment of Ruth. The more she talked about Jarrod, the more he realized that she really did care about his brother.  He lifted his head and gave her an apologetic smile which Ruth returned with a smile of her own.

Ruth didn’t want to go behind Jarrod’s back for information but she really didn’t know anything about how he ended up in Thad’s hands and thought it might be a key in Jarrod’s recovery. “Do you know how Jarrod ended up in Texas?”

Nick told her about the Amy Keller and her brothers and how they’d gone after Jarrod.  Heath told her about their last encounter with the brothers and what they had done to find Jarrod.  It was emotional situation for all of them and it took several seconds for Ruth to respond, “From what you’ve told me, I think one of the reasons Jarrod hasn’t remembered anything about his past is because he doesn’t want to remember.  It’s easier to forget than to have to live with those memories.”

“Why won’t he talk then?” asked Nick.

“I don’t know. Maybe the same thing keeping him from remembering is the same thing keeping him from talking,”  explained Ruth, shrugging her shoulders.  Then she added, “I will do everything in my power to get Jarrod to go home.  I think he wants to find out who he is, but he’s afraid. Not just of what he’ll find out, but of what you’ll think of him.  As you both saw, he’s not the same man you remember.”

Nick and Heath both shook their heads in agreement, but it was Nick’s words that surprised her, “He’s still our brother.”

Part 16

Heath watched Nick head to the telegraph office, then he turned and headed to the sawmill to find Jarrod. He had no idea what he was gonna say to his older brother but he had to try. Stopping in the yard, he spotted Jarrod hauling the finished lumber and putting it in neat stacks for shipping.  Heath watched Jarrod work tirelessly for several minutes before moving closer.  He let Jarrod see him and get used to his presence before he moved to where Jarrod was stacking.  Jarrod eyed him suspiciously, but continued doing his work.  When Jarrod returned with more wood, Heath silently helped him stack it.  When Jarrod left for more, Heath followed and helped him haul the wood, never saying anything to his older brother.  After several more round trips, Heath finally spoke as he continued to help Jarrod. “I know you don’t remember me Jarrod, but I’m your brother Heath.” Wary of the stranger but curious as to what he had to say Jarrod let him talk and Heath continued a one-sided conversation. Heath spent more than an hour working along side Jarrod, telling him about the ranch, the family, and even about Jarrod himself. 

Jarrod listened to the blonde-haired young man as he related to him all kinds of information about his previous life.  It was interesting and informative, but it was like listening to him talk about someone else, it held no meaning for him, it sparked no memories.  His mind must have wandered because he realized that Heath wasn’t talking anymore and his stride had slowed as they hauled wood across the yard. When they got to the stack Heath just stood there. Not sure what to do, Jarrod gave his end of the lumber a small nudge to get Heath’s attention.

Heath quickly turned, “Sorry.” Jarrod raised a questioning eyebrow. Heath ducked his red face in embarrassment. “Just thinkin’ is all.”  Motioning towards the wood, Heath asked, “Can we take a little break.”  Jarrod gave him a slight nod and waited for Heath to sit.  It didn’t go unnoticed that Jarrod still kept his distance as he too sat down. Jarrod took a long drink from his canteen and offered it to Heath, who took it with a smile, “Thanks. I gotta tell ya big brother. Ain’t nobody gonna be accusin’ you of havin’ lily-white hands no more.” Heath paused, giving Jarrod a look of appreciation, then said shyly, “You’re looking good Jarrod.” 

Jarrod gave him a small nod of thanks, not sure what to make of the quiet man in front of him.  He didn’t feel threatened by him anymore and he had a certain quality about him that Jarrod found endearing.  When Heath finally spoke again, it was with some trepidation. “I wanna tell ya something big brother... Something I ain’t never told no one.” Jarrod gave him a surprised look and Heath shrugged as he spoke hesitantly, “I went to war real young, and had the misfortune of being captured. I spent seven months at Carterson.”  Heath stared forward and continued talking, “When they got done with me, I didn’t like myself very much. They done things...things that no man should have to suffer through.” Twisting his shirt button nervously, Heath went on, his voice barely above a whisper. “I was ashamed. Ashamed of what they done to me... ashamed of who I’d become in that place. I didn’t want to be around nobody. It didn’t take much in them days to set me off.  I did a lot of drinking, but it didn’t make me feel any better, just took away the pain for a little while.” Heath lifted his head and turned back towards Jarrod.  “I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is, I kinda understand a little of what you’re probably feeling.” Looking in Jarrod’s understanding eyes, he added. “Ya got family, big brother. We wanna help ya.” Heath looked Jarrod right in the eye as he spoke his final words, “It don’t matter what they done to ya big brother, cause we’ll still love ya no matter what.  And it’ll get better. Oh, maybe not right away, but in time...it’ll get better.” 

Jarrod stared at Heath, his eyes filled with sorrow and understanding.  Finally he stood and stepped towards Heath.  Uneasily, Jarrod reached out his hand to help Heath to his feet.  Heath accepted Jarrod’s unspoken acceptance with a smile. The two of them worked silently together until lunch when Heath left to find, what would undoubtedly be, an irritable Nick. 

He found his brother at the restaurant talking to Ruth. Taking a seat at Nick’s table he waited for the inevitable, “AND WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MORNING?”

“Out,” said Heath just to irritate Nick further.  Tipping his hat at Ruth he added, “Afternoon Ruth.”

“Mr. Barkley.”

“Heath, ma’am.” Ruth nodded and went to get him some lunch.

“What kinda answer is that? Out!” said an exasperated Nick.

“I went to see Jarrod. See if I couldn’t talk some sense into him.”

Through a mouth full of food, Nick said, “And did you?”

Ruth returned with Heath’s food and he gave her a wink as he goaded his brother. “Did I what?”

Nick rolled his eyes and growled at Heath. “Talk some sense into him.”

Heath let Nick off the hook and spoke sincerely, “I don’t know Nick. He seemed to be listenin’ to me.”

Nick stood abruptly and told Heath, “Well, I think it’s time I had a talk with that hard-headed brother of mine.” Ruth had a panicked look at Nick’s stern words.

Heath saw her concern and grabbed Nick’s arm.  “Take it easy on him Nick. Remember, he don’t have a history with ya. It’s all new to him.” 

Nick gave him a small nod of understanding. “Sure Heath.”

Nick found Jarrod working hard, just as Heath had.  It was a little unnerving to see Jarrod in such top form, something he wasn’t used to.  Jarrod had a stockier frame than he did and even through Jarrod’s thin shirt, Nick could see the muscle move as his brother worked.  Nick was even more determined not to get on Jarrod’s bad side. 

Nick’s approach was decidedly different than Heath’s was. Instead of letting Jarrod get used to him, Nick jumped right in.  Jarrod eyed Nick carefully as he walked beside him.  The few times Nick tried to move closer, Jarrod stepped away from the contact. Nick finally got the hint and kept his distance. Jarrod was grateful and seemed more at ease. Nick wasn’t sure what to say to Jarrod, but he remembered what Heath said about not having a history, and decided that was a place to start. He spent more than an hour regaling his older brother with tales of their youth.  He was glad when he saw Jarrod smile at some of the more outlandish stories.  Unsure, Nick finally spoke to Jarrod about Amy and the Keller’s, hoping maybe the information might spark some sort of memory for his brother. Jarrod listened, but even Nick could see that it meant nothing to him.

Nick helped Jarrod with a few loads before he spoke again, “I don’t know what to say to you Jarrod that’ll make ya understand we want you to come home. I don’t know what’s goin’ on inside of that head of yours.” Nick’s voice broke as he continued, “You were always there for me growin’ up big brother.  We need ya at home.” Jarrod stood indecisively, not ready to make that decision just yet. He needed some time to think. 

Nick moved towards Jarrod, but again his brother backed away. Jarrod saw the hurt look in Nick’s eyes and felt badly.  Like Heath, this man had struck a cord in him and Jarrod instinctively reached out to touch Nick’s arm. He grasped it lightly, just enough to soothe his brother’s feelings.  Nick bowed his head slightly in response and Jarrod saw his brother’s eyes fill with tears.  Jarrod removed his hand and watched as Nick turned and strode out of the yard. A small smile touched his face.  Even Nick’s walk was filled with unbridled emotion.

Jarrod returned home that night and found Ruth already there making his supper. Surprised at her being home so early, he raised an eyebrow of inquiry. Ruth smiled, “I quit today. With everything that’s going on it was just easier.”  Jarrod nodded his understanding and Ruth continued with her chores and asked warily, “How did it go with your brothers today?”

Jarrod shrugged, and Ruth could see his uncertainty. Wiping her hands on her apron, Ruth wrapped her arms around him as she spoke, “I know it’s hard Jarrod, but they really do care. You’ve got a mother and a sister at home that are probably worried sick about you.” Jarrod squeezed Ruth a little tighter as she talked, and Ruth knew he was wavering towards going home. “They’re your family Jarrod.  You’re their family. You need them as much as they need you.” Jarrod dropped his head to her shoulder and she felt his head nod just enough to let her know he had accepted the inevitable... They were going home. 

Part 17

Jarrod continued to hold her and Ruth enjoyed the closeness.  She had been very careful of late not to overwhelm Jarrod with her caresses.  He appreciated her thoughtfulness, but he remembered how soft her skin felt under his hands and he wanted that again. Leaning down he placed a tender kiss on her soft, full lips, and when he felt Ruth respond he deepened the kiss, supper suddenly forgotten. Tongues battled and Jarrod moved his hand to caress her curves through the fabric of her dress. Ruth rubbed against him, anxious for more and felt the hardness beneath his own clothes, both breathless as they continued to kiss and caress one another. Jarrod rained kisses down her throat and when Ruth tilted her head back and moaned, his desire only heightened.  Ruth was suddenly surprised to find herself being lifted and carried to the bedroom, only to be stopped by a loud pounding on the door. Jarrod’s eyes were glazed with desire as he dropped his head in frustration.  Ruth own face was flush as she chuckled at Jarrod’s reaction. Reluctantly setting her down on the floor, Jarrod cupped her cheek and placed warm kisses around her face.

Again, a loud pounding interrupted them, followed by “JARROD, COME ON OPEN THE DOOR.”  Jarrod may not have recognized that bellow, but Ruth did. Only Nick could yell like that.

Frustrated, Jarrod set Ruth to the side and was going to answer the door when she suddenly stopped him. Ruth’s eyes scanned down his torso and as she gestured below his belt, she laughed, “You might want to go in the other room for a few minutes while I entertain our guests.”

Jarrod looked up sharply and blushed beet red, before making a hasty retreat from the room.  Taking a second to adjust her dress, Ruth strode to the door and let her guests enter. Heath and Nick walked in and quickly looked around the small room. “Where’s Jarrod?”

With a knowing grin, Ruth answered politely, “He’s in the bedroom. I’m sure he’ll be out shortly.” Ruth went to the fireplace and rolled up Jarrod’s bedding to give everybody more room.  Ruth had seen their surprised looks at seeing the palette on the floor, but neither commented.  They’d probably assumed since she and Jarrod were living together they were obviously sleeping together. Well they weren’t. At least not yet. Ruth felt the heat creep into her face at that thought and quickly turned towards the kitchen area of the room to see about supper.  One look at supper and Ruth knew there wasn’t enough for the four of them.  Recovering, Ruth asked “We haven’t had supper but you’re welcome to join us.”

Nick waved her off distractedly as he looked over the room, “Nah we already ate. But don’t let us stop ya.”

“How about some coffee then?”

Heath answered, “Thanks, that would be great.”

Ruth got their coffee and quickly put together some cobbler for desert. As she was setting the table, Jarrod appeared. Ruth smiled at him, and Jarrod shot her a pointed glare before facing his brothers. Keeping his distance, Jarrod motioned for them to sit while he took his place at the mantle.

Both Nick and Heath were struck by the formidable figure Jarrod presented as he leaned against the fireplace with his arms crossed. His dark blue shirt rolled to the elbows only served to accent the muscles of his arms. It was definitely their big brother standing before them, but not the one they were used to. The moustache Jarrod sported gave him an almost unapproachable image. He exuded a confidence that wasn’t unlike the days when he was lawyer, only more powerful, yet Ruth had said he was still healing and all was not as it seemed. Maybe this was some of what she meant. It wouldn’t be unlike Jarrod not to let what was bothering him show. One thing about older brother, he was a very private person.

Ruth watched Jarrod closely, knowing he’d need help communicating, but not wanting to interrupt too soon.  Jarrod looked towards Ruth and moved a finger towards his brothers just enough to let Ruth know it was time to talk. Ruth walked to the edge of the sitting area just off the kitchen and asked politely, “You don’t mind if we eat while we talk do you? I can get you both some more coffee.”  Everyone found seats at the small table with Jarrod and Ruth on one side and Nick and Heath on the other.  Jarrod began eating, knowing Ruth would keep the conversation going. “So gentlemen, to what do we owe the pleasure?”

Both men looked shyly at the other, neither speaking. Finally Nick blurted “Aw hell!” Nick quickly apologized and continued, “We just wanted to know if you’re gonna come home big brother.”

Caught off guard, Ruth looked over to Jarrod for a response and received a bare nod of his head. Ruth turned back towards the expectant men and said, “It seems we’ll be returning home with you.”

Both Nick and Heath face’s broke out with big grins.  Not thinking, Nick reached across the table and grabbed Jarrod’s arm and Jarrod froze, every muscle in his body tensed as he fought the urge to pull away. Nick spoke exuberantly, oblivious to Jarrod’s inner turmoil, “Well that’s great big brother. When do you wanna leave?”  Nick sat back down and Jarrod let go an inner sigh of relief.

Ruth continued to talk, taking away attention from Jarrod. She was sure that Nick’s innocent gesture of affection had cost Jarrod. He didn’t show it, but she knew him well enough to know that he was fighting for control even as they all spoke. “We are going to need time to pack and get ready for such a trip. Can you tell me how we’ll be getting back to Stockton so I have a better idea of how to pack?”

Heath spoke quietly, so as not to spook Jarrod. He’d seen his older brother flinch when Nick touched him and even now Jarrod was concentrating more on his food than he was the conversation. “Well ma’am we took the train a good part of the way and then from Pueblo we had to come by horseback.  It took less than a week to get here. Might take longer goin’ back though. It ain’t gonna be easy for ya. We’re gonna have to spend a few nights on the trail.”

Ruth smiled, “I assure you I’ll be just fine. I’ve lived out on the trail before.” Jarrod sat beside her and reached out his hand to hold hers. It was enough to let her know he was proud of her. Ruth gave his hand a squeeze and got up and cleared away the supper dishes. “Would you all like some cobbler, it’s still hot?”

Nick slapped his hands together and said loudly, “Thought you’d never ask.”

Heath watched Jarrod’s reaction and realized he was gonna have to have a talk with Nick.  While he was used to Nick’s rambunctious mannerisms, Jarrod was obviously not.  As they ate dessert and made small talk, Jarrod once again concentrated on the food in front of him, his eyes nervously watching Nick.  Ruth noticed too and needed to get the two men out of the house.  Jarrod was tolerant to a point and this evening with relative strangers was pushing him to his limit. Ruth had watched both brothers and was surprised by the depth of understanding Heath’s eyes seemed to show his older brother. Capitalizing on it, Ruth looked at Heath as she spoke, “Maybe tomorrow we can discuss all the details.”

Heath rose from the table and said, “Tomorrow sounds fine. We best be getting’ back to the hotel.  Let ya’ll have time to make plans.”

“But we just got here,” stammered Nick with his mouth full.

“Come on big brother, I’ll let ya buy me a beer.”

“Buy you a beer, I think it’s your turn to buy me a beer.” The two men argued all the way to the door.

“Is not.”

“Is too! I think ya got dropped on yer head one too many times if you can’t remember it’s yer turn to buy.” Nick tried to make a response to Heath’s snide remark, but Heath cut him off.  Turning back towards Ruth he said, “It was a great cobbler ma’am, thank you.”

“It’s Ruth and you’re welcome.”

“Ruth” Heath leaned down and gave her a wink and a chaste kiss on the cheek. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Ruth said sincerely with a smile, “Thank you Heath.”

Not to be outdone, Nick gave Ruth a kiss of his own. “Good night Ruth.” Glancing over to where Jarrod still sat at the table, he added, “Good night big brother.”

Jarrod raised his hand to bid them good bye, grateful for Ruth’s intervention in getting them to go. Heath stopped just before leaving and said to Jarrod. “Real glad you decided to go home big brother.”

Ruth shut the door behind them and walked back to Jarrod. “You okay?” The only response Ruth got was a shrug. Taking his hand, Ruth spoke, “I know you’re afraid of going home Jarrod. It’s only natural. These people are strangers to you.  It’s just going to take time.”  Ruth chuckled and Jarrod looked at her oddly. Ruth laughed, “I was just thinking of Nick. He certainly doesn’t do quiet very well does he.”

Jarrod chuckled and shook his head sharply. In one brief instant, Ruth had relieved his tension with her humor. Lifting the hand that held his, he brought it to his lips and kissed it. Ruth returned the gesture with a smile and tried to release her hand. Looking down at the grin on Jarrod’s face, she said sternly, “Oh no you don’t mister, I got dishes to do. I’ll boil you some water and you can get cleaned up. How’s that sound?”

Jarrod crossed his arms and Ruth swore she saw him pout, “Oh you, let me do dishes and I’ll read to you when you’re done cleaning up.”  Jarrod’s eyes lit up and he smiled. Reading meant snuggling and he liked that idea, a lot.

Ruth didn’t get much reading done as Jarrod was feeling amorous.  Their earlier encounter had left him entirely too excited to ignore the beauty in his arms.  It didn’t help that both were already in their night clothes, which were far too thin to conceal their desire for one another. Jarrod reached around Ruth and made slow lazy circles with his hand until he reached the taut nubs that strained against her nightgown. Ruth gasped and dropped the book. Jarrod smiled and continued his exploration, using one hand to unlace the front of her gown, while the other grasped a tight peak and gave it a gentle squeeze. Showering her neck and shoulder with kisses, he pulled the material off her shoulder, exposing his prize.  Caressing it, he heard her moan, sending heat and blood to his lower body. Ruth was careful not to touch Jarrod with her hands, but when she felt his hardness press against her lower back, she couldn’t stop herself from pushing back.  Jarrod instantly responded by pulling her even more firmly against himself with the arm wrapped around her waist.  His breathing was ragged, but Ruth knew it wasn’t out of fear.  Pushing her away just enough to turn her, Jarrod slipped Ruth’s gown from her other shoulder, and watched it fall to her waist. Stunned by the beauty of her curves, Jarrod only stared for a few seconds before his hands reached out and caressed her soft mounds. When Ruth moaned as his hands touched her skin, Jarrod suddenly stood and pulled her to her feet, causing the gown to fall to the floor.  With a sharp intake of breath, Jarrod lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. Ruth nuzzled his chest and neck along the way and Jarrod all but staggered the remaining steps.  Laying her down, he quickly removed his pajama pants and gazed upon Ruth as she lay breathless on the bed. Ruth lifted her head and admired the hard planes of Jarrod’s body, every muscle clearly defined against a thin film of perspiration.  Jarrod released a silent groan at her wonton gaze and kneeling on the bed he lowered himself to lay atop her. Taking her hands, he lifted them above her head and applied enough pressure to let her know to keep them there.  Ruth understood his message and fought every desire to reach out and caress his chest as it loomed above her. Jarrod kissed and caressed her until she was mad with desire.  “Oh god Jarrod, now. Don’t wait, please.” Heady with his own desire he took her.  Their first time was not filled with soft kisses and light touches, but rather a frenzy of motions and desires.  A month of unrelieved sexual tension was finally released in a mutual pinnacle of sensation.

Part 18

In the aftermath of their lovemaking, Jarrod held her to his side, and Ruth lay with her arm draped across his chest.  She played with his chest hairs as she spoke, “Do you still want to get married before we leave, Jarrod? Everything’s kinda changed...” Ruth rambled on and Jarrod finally silenced her with a finger to her lips. Reaching down he took her hand and brought her ring finger to his lips.  Ruth sighed with relief, knowing she wouldn’t have to be separated from Jarrod once they went home. Jarrod smiled at her sigh and rolled her over to lie on top of her. Ruth could feel his desire rise and teased, “Again?”

Jarrod’s only response was to press tightly against her and plant kisses on her face and neck until he had her giggling. “Oh stop, you’re killing me. Do with me what you will, but stop!”  Jarrod grinned slyly and did just that.

******************************************************************************

The next few days were busy ones, as Jarrod and Ruth prepared to leave.  They decided to leave most of their impersonal belongings behind, hoping the next occupants of the house would find a use for them.  Besides their clothes, and few personal items, they really didn’t have much. Most of it could be stuffed into a couple of carpet bags.  Nick and Heath arranged for two extra horses and decided to get an extra pack horse for supplies. Since their were four of them now, it made sense to have an extra horse to carry the added burden. Nick sent another telegraph home relating the good news. Ruth was worried about how Jarrod would react, or worse how his mother and sister would react when they got home.  Nick had kept the telegram brief,  telling them only that Jarrod would be returning home with them.  A telegram wouldn’t begin to be able to tell the whole story. Nick simply said they would deal with it when they got home, Ruth knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

At Ruth’s insistence, they decided to postpone the wedding until they reached the next town. With Nick and Heath’s arrival and all the subsequent gossip, Ruth didn’t want to add to the rumor mill.  Nick tried talking them into waiting until they got home, but both Jarrod and Ruth were adamant about being married before that. So they packed everything up and a week after Nick’s and Heath’s arrival in town, they left for home. It would be two days before they reached Pueblo to catch a train north, and both Ruth and Jarrod were anxious to get married.

 The first day on the trail was difficult for Jarrod. While he was used to Ruth’s presence, his brothers were just unfamiliar enough to cause him a lot of anxiety throughout the day. By the time they rode into town the next evening, they were all exhausted from the short journey.  Heath, being more empathetic of Jarrod’s fragile state, allowed his older brother the space he needed. Nick’s normal take charge attitude wasn’t what Jarrod needed and after two days on the trail, Nick was sporting several new bruises on his neck and had several sore ribs. Nick’s boisterous personality was just more than his older brother’s damaged psyche could handle.

Riding to the front of what looked like one of the better hotels in town, Heath looked at Jarrod and Ruth, “Why don’t you get us some rooms while me and Nick take care of the horses?” After they dismounted and handed their reins to Nick, Heath reached into his vest, pulled out a gold eagle and handed it to Jarrod.  “That should take care of the rooms.”  Heath saw Jarrod’s face go from embarrassment to anger in a matter of seconds, but before he could say anything, Jarrod took Ruth’s arm and led her into the hotel. 

Nick chuckled as he leaned forward on the saddle horn. “I guess he told you.”

“Shut up Nick!” Heath turned his horse sharply and headed towards the livery.

Nick followed behind laughing, “Well what did you expect? You just embarrassed him in front of his woman.”

As they dismounted at the delivery, Nick was still laughing. Heath glared at him and growled, “Go ahead Nick, laugh it up. It’s not like you’ve been handling him all that well lately.”

Aggravated and tired, tempers flared.  Nick’s laughter died and he turned on Heath, “And what makes you such an expert.?”

Shocked by Nick’s hurtful words, Heath turned, went into the livery and began unsaddling the horses. Nick watched Heath stalk off and berated himself after he suddenly realized that his little brother probably understood more about what Jarrod was dealing with than anyone. Dejected, Nick followed Heath into the barn and said remorsefully, “I’m sorry Heath. I wasn’t thinkin’.”

Heath bristled, “Forget it Nick.”

“Aw come on Heath. You know how I am.” Nick helped with the horses and watched Heath for any sign of forgiveness. Heath remained silent, his thoughts on the last two days. Worn to a frazzle, they were all on nerves end. 

Taking his hat off, Nick ran his fingers through his hair, “I’m sorry. What I said was uncalled for.” With a sigh, Nick added, “I just don’t know how to handle all this.” Heath watched his older brother cross his arms and lean against the stall opposite him. Nick’s anguish was clear as he spoke quietly, “When I look at him I see my older brother, not some stranger who don’t know who we are. I just want him back the way he was... and I don’t think.”

Heath leaned over the horse he was brushing and faced Nick.  His voice was soft, but adamant,  “Yer gonna have to start thinkin’ Nick or you ain’t gonna make it home in one piece.  I know it’s hard big brother, but Jarrod don’t need you hanging so close too him right now.  Every time you spook him by getting’ too close or scarin’ him with that bellow of yours yer makin’ it worse for him.”

Nick dropped his head to his chest and whispered, “I know that little brother. I just want our brother back.”

“Me too Nick. That’s what we all want, but you can’t force yourself on him.”  Nick nodded his head in agreement, but was too upset to say anything more. Together, the two of them headed towards the hotel.

*

“I just want to stop and apologize, that’s all.”

“Leave it be Nick,” insisted Heath.  Nick was determined to set things right with Jarrod, and once again ignored Heath’s greater wisdom.  As they got to Jarrod’s door, Nick didn’t think to knock and put his hand on the door knob.

Heath put a hand on his arm to stop him, “Don’t ya think you ought to knock?”

Nick looked at him and was already opening the door as he asked, “Why?”

Heath looked in the door and gasped at the sight before him the same time Nick did , then muttered quietly, “That’s why.”

Jarrod stood with his bare back to the door, holding Ruth in his arms. She’d left her room immediately after getting settled and had gone to Jarrod’s to make sure he was okay. He wasn’t, his nerves were on edge and it wouldn’t take much to send him over the edge.  Realizing this, Ruth was doing her best to reassure him that everything would work out eventually.  Neither heard the door open and they were surprised when the room echoed the gasps from the hallway.  Jarrod turned sharply towards the sound and saw the sorrow in his brother’s eyes. First he felt the shame of having someone see his back and then he felt the rage build. His eyes grew dark with anger and fury flooded his face. Jarrod strode over to Nick, jabbed his finger into the middle of Nick’s chest and pushed him out the door. Nick tried to explain but was cut off by the door slamming in his face. Heath just shook his head at Nick and walked away.

On the other side of the door, Jarrod could no longer keep it bottled up inside and after taking his frustration out on the door with his hand, he turned and slid to the floor.  Ruth was beside him instantly, “Jarrod it’s gonna be okay.” Jarrod shook his head frantically and buried his head against Ruth’s shoulder.  His body shook with emotion and Ruth held him tight.  She could feel the wetness soak her dress as Jarrod released all the stress and anguish of the previous days. Ruth calmly reassured him, “I know you’re afraid, sweetheart.  Just let it out, you’ll feel better.” It took some time before Jarrod lifted his head and gave her a tender kiss of gratitude.  Ruth smiled and guided his head onto her lap and stroked his hair as she asked reluctantly, “Jarrod, I uh...wanted to uh... ask you something.” Ruth paused and Jarrod lifted his head enough to look up at her, his eyes questioning her. Cupping his cheek Ruth replied, “Are you gonna be able to ride the train with all those people Jarrod?”  Jarrod shut his eyes and shook his head slowly in resignation.  Opening his eyes and looking her in the eye, he was grateful when he heard her utter her understanding, “I didn’t think so.”

Unbeknownst to either Jarrod or Ruth, someone else was listening to all that had transpired on the floor by the door. Slipping quietly to his room, Nick vowed that he wouldn’t put his brother through that sort of anguish again if he could possibly help it. Up until that moment, Nick hadn’t realized just how much of an effort it was for his older brother to put up with not only him, but all the simple things that most people take for granted everyday.

Part 19

Gathered for an early lunch, Nick asked Jarrod, “You don’t mind if I borrow Ruth for a couple of hours do ya big brother?”

Looking surprised at Nick’s request, Jarrod glanced suspiciously at Ruth who smiled innocently, “I have no idea what he’s up to.” Smiling, Ruth took Jarrod’s hand and asked, “You don’t mind?”

Jarrod squeezed her hand and shook his head then Heath spoke up, “Actually, I thought me and Jarrod might take a stroll over to the bank so ya’ll got some money of yer own.  I talked to the banker this mornin’ and he said all he needs is yer signature for you to draw on your Stockton account.” Seeing Jarrod’s look of confusion, Heath explained, “You got your own account, with your own money. Money you earned.  Figured you might as well take advantage of it.” Jarrod gave him a small nod and Heath smiled his relief at the sensitive subject.

Nick stood and pulled out Ruth’s chair so she could get up. Heath and Jarrod both stood politely and Jarrod leaned over and gave Ruth a quick kiss before she left with Nick, “You ready to go?” he asked.

Curious, Ruth asked, “Just where is it we’re going Nick?”

Nick looked at her slyly as they headed out the door. “Now it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told ya now would it?”
 

“I’m sorry Nick, I didn’t realize we were doing the surprise thing.”

Nick replied to Ruth’s light sarcasm indignantly, “Well, we are!”  Nick held out his elbow and Ruth took it as the two of them laughed with each other.

Once outside, Nick stammered out his plans to Ruth, “I thought you might like to go shopping and get yourself a nice dress for your wedding.”  Ruth was stunned by Nick’s thoughtfulness and quickly blinked back the tears.  “Really?”

Nick replied gruffly, to hide his own reaction to Ruth’s sudden tears, “Yeah, really.” Holding out his elbow he added quickly, “Come on before I change my mind.”

Ruth chuckled at Nick and teased.  “You’re ruining my image of you Nick.”

“Humph!” was Nick’s only reply.  Nick tried to hide the small smile that graced his face at Ruth’s backhanded compliment, but Ruth caught it anyway. Using her free hand she reached across and gave Nick’s upper arm a light squeeze of thanks. 

Nick placed his own hand over hers and spoke hesitatingly, “I hope ya don’t mind, but I made arrangements for a photographer to take some pictures for you and Jarrod.  I thought Mother and Audra might like to see them too, since they couldn’t be here.” Oblivious to Ruth’s stunned disbelief Nick rambled on, “I also booked you two the newlywed suite over at the hotel. It ain’t much but it’s the best they got.”  Nick looked sharply at Ruth when he heard her sniffle. “Aw come on don’t be doin’ that.”  He stopped and took out his handkerchief and handed it to her.

Ruth wiped away her tears and composed herself, while Nick glared at passerby’s that were giving the two of them odd looks.

Watching Nick, Ruth smiled,  “Here I thought you were just a rough and tough cowboy.”

Nick grabbed her arm and practically pulled her down the boardwalk, “Can we just get this over with?”

Unable to resist, Ruth teased, “Sure Nick, but you know this could take hours.” Ruth couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping when she glanced at Nick’s alarmed expression and then chuckled, “I’m sorry Nick. It is very thoughtful of you.” Taking his arm once again she added sincerely, “Come on, let’s see how quick and painless we can make this.”  Nick gave a big sigh of relief as the two entered the dress shop.  In less than an hour, they were on their way back to the hotel.

*

Heath was doing much the same thing with Jarrod after their trip to the bank.  Jarrod withdrew a couple hundred dollars after being assured by Heath that he had a substantial amount of money in his account.  They then proceeded to get Jarrod a fine suit for the wedding. Heath and Nick had picked out their own suits that morning. Fortunately, all the men were built different enough that the store had something for each of them, considering such short notice. 

They planned to exchange vows in the early evening, as was the custom, and Nick insisted on escorting Ruth so Jarrod wouldn’t be able to see her prior to the ceremony.  The church was empty but for the four of them and the preacher.  When Nick entered with Ruth on his arm, Jarrod’s heart stopped beating and his breathing ceased.  Ruth was dressed in a dark burgundy satin gown that complimented her dark hair and brown eyes.  Her hair was pinned up, but small curls hung down and brushed her neck.  Wide-eyed by the transformation from a simple farm girl to a raving beauty, Jarrod’s heart raced.  Heath leaned in and whispered, “Close your mouth and breath Jarrod.” Jarrod closed his mouth and took a deep breath, then squared his proud shoulders and waited for Ruth to reach his side. 

As Ruth walked down the aisle, she was captivated by the view that Jarrod presented. She had only ever seen him in work clothes of late and was stunned by the change. Dressed in a dark blue suit that offset his blue eyes, he looked unbelievably gorgeous.  Ruth didn’t miss Jarrod’s look as he took her arm, and gave him her own approving glance.   The ceremony was quick and to the point, pleasing the now happy couple. As promised, the photographer was waiting and quickly escorted them to his studio for pictures. It took longer than anticipated since the newlyweds were having a hard time concentrating on pictures rather than each other.  Jarrod and Ruth ignored the brother’s ribbing and finally bid them goodnight.

*

Jarrod stopped outside of the room, lifted Ruth into his arms then stepped across the threshold. Using his foot to kick the door shut, Jarrod held her in his arms and nuzzled her neck, wishing he had words to tell her how much he loved her. Setting her gently to her feet, Jarrod took a few seconds to admire his new wife.  Ruth shivered as Jarrod’s eyes trailed down her body, and he played with the tiny curls at her neck.   Ruth closed her eyes as he twirled his fingers in the curls and began planting small kisses along her exposed neck.  Ruth shuddered at the sensation and Jarrod responded, moving his kisses towards her mouth.  His lips pressed to hers and his probing tongue was granted access. Tongues battled and the kiss grew in intensity until both were breathless. Jarrod held her tightly against him and there was no denying his desire for her.  Ruth pushed back, relishing in the feeling that tore through her.  Gasping for air between kisses, Jarrod reached behind her and began undoing the tiny buttons at the back of her dress. Not to be outdone, Ruth started releasing the buttons on his shirt. Every time her fingers brushed against his skin, he felt the fire and his desire for her grew stronger. Neither of them had shone any patience when it came to slow, sensual lovemaking, but Jarrod wanted tonight to be different. He pulled the gown from her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, seeking what lie beneath.  Ruth did the same with his suit coat and then his shirt as Jarrod worked the lace of her camisole loose. Pulling it over her head, he leaned down and tasted her creamy softness.  At her most sensitive spots, Ruth couldn’t help but moan and Jarrod resisted every urge to hurry, taking his time as he removed the rest of her undergarments.  Standing up, Jarrod kicked off his boots and he released his belt and buttons, letting his trousers fall in a heap on the floor.  Ruth gasped at the sight of his muscular body in all its splendor.  Leaning forward she ran her finger lightly along his collar bone and down his chest, reveling in the rippling of muscle that her touch elicited.  Almost panting from her touch, Jarrod pulled her into a tight embrace and pressed himself against her.  Running his hands down her now bare back he reached her firm buttocks and grasped them in his hands, pushing himself even more tightly against her.  He could feel the tight nubs of her breasts brush his chest and pulled away enough to explore them with his mouth.  Moaning and trembling at his touch, Ruth felt herself being lowered on to the bed and slid back to make room for Jarrod. Kneeling between her legs, he kissed and touched and caressed, taking Ruth to new heights and with each release she screamed his name.  Clenching the sheets to stop her hands from roaming her new husbands hard muscular frame,  Ruth let him take control.  Unable to hold back his own desire any longer, Jarrod lay atop her and loved her. His breath coming in gasps and his body trembling, he finally found his own release at the same time Ruth once again found hers.  Collapsing on the bed, they quickly found sleep, only to awaken several times during the night to satisfy the insatiable desires. It was well into the next day before Nick or Heath saw either one of them.

Part 20

If Ruth thought Nick couldn’t surprise her any more she was wrong.  She was debating on how to tell Nick and Heath that Jarrod felt too uncomfortable to ride the train with so many people when Nick solved the problem before she even had a chance to relate to the brothers her concerns.

“Hey Ruth. Me and Heath got one more surprise for you and Jarrod.  The train has one of them fancy sleeping compartments.  You know, the ones with beds that fold out of the way during the day so you have yer own little room.” Blushing, Nick added, “We thought bein’ newlyweds and all you might appreciate a little privacy.  The train even has a dining car and you can order your meals and have ‘em delivered to ya.”  Ruth suddenly rushed at Nick and threw her arms around his neck, practically knocking him to the ground. Surprised, Nick held her off the ground as she planted a big kiss on his cheek. “It ain’t no big deal,” exclaimed Nick, embarrassed by the attention.

Ruth leaned her head down just enough to whisper into her new brother-in-law’s ear. “Yes it is Nick. Thank you.” When Nick put her down, he noticed the moisture and gratitude in her eyes.  Unnoticed by either Jarrod or Heath, Nick acknowledged Ruth’s look with a small nod of his head.  Jarrod was making progress in accepting Heath’s presence, and while Nick had made great strides in toning down his exuberant personality in the last few days, Jarrod was still wary of his dark-haired brother.  So Nick was doing everything in his power to make the trip as stress free as possible for Jarrod.  How Nick knew that Jarrod was afraid to ride the train was beyond Ruth, but she was grateful nonetheless.  It saved Jarrod from having to admit yet another weakness, especially to his brothers.  Nick using another excuse for getting them the sleeping compartment meant everything to Ruth and it moved him up yet another notch in her estimation.  The fact that Nick had backed off from Jarrod, giving him more space, didn’t escape her attention either.  Inside the gruff exterior, it was apparent to Ruth that Nick loved his older brother very much and was willing to set aside his own needs to help Jarrod get better. 

*******************************************************************************

The private sleeping compartment did alleviate a lot of Jarrod’s anxiety in dealing with the train ride and he even invited Nick and Heath in for a limited time during the day for cards or conversation, aware he couldn’t keep Ruth locked away simply because he was afraid to go out.  They stayed over in Denver and Jarrod even consented to having dinner in a fancy restaurant.  Nick made sure that no one got to close to his brother, making the night out almost pleasant for Jarrod.  They boarded the train north for Colorado Junction and caught the Union Pacific connection to Stockton, hoping to be home in about five days... It would be the longest five days of the trip.

The first night out of Denver, Jarrod began having nightmares for the first time since his captivity, at least that Ruth was aware of. If he was having them prior to this, he had done a very good job of hiding it.  The first night, Ruth lay pinned to his side by the wall behind her. The sleeping quarters were designed for one person per bed, not two, thus making it a very tight fit for both of them. Ruth awoke suddenly and realized that Jarrod was soaked to the skin and thrashing about on the small bed.  Afraid if she moved to extricate herself from the bed she would only alarm him further, Ruth shook his shoulder and tried to wake him up.  Jarrod sat straight up in the bed and was breathing in painful gasps, his eyes wide with fear.  Jerking his head in all directions, trying to figure out where he was, Jarrod finally leaned his head back and let go of the deep breath he’d been holding.  Ruth remained lying down until Jarrod calmed, then she put her hand beneath her and lifted up enough to support herself.  “Jarrod, sweetheart. Are you okay?” Ruth wanted so badly to offer a comforting touch but wasn’t sure if Jarrod would accept it in his present state.

Jarrod shifted his legs and pushed himself to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. Rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, he dropped his head into his hands and sighed, praying for the images that seared his mind to go away. Ruth moved carefully to sit beside him, and hesitated before wrapping her hand around his upper arm.  His eyes still starring forward, Jarrod flinched at her touch and Ruth immediately tried to remove her hand when he reached for it and removed it from his arm, placing it between his own two trembling hands. Hanging his head, after a sideways glance at Ruth, Jarrod took her hand and simply held it to his lips.  Ruth could feel his anguish, but remained quiet as he sat shaking at her side. Eventually he kissed her hand and began to lie down, taking her with him. Spooned up against her, Jarrod pulled her arm around him and held it close to his chest.  The only light in the room came from beneath the door and it was impossible to see anything clearly, everything blending to gray. Ruth relied on Jarrod’s breathing to tell her when he finally relaxed enough to go back to sleep.

The second night, and one step closer to home, Jarrod again experienced the nightmares. This time he had actually bolted from the bed trying to escape them and ended up pacing for several hours rather than go back to sleep. Collapsing in the chair just before dawn, Jarrod convinced Ruth to get some more sleep. For another hour, he stared into the darkness, waiting for the sun to come over the horizon, signaling that the long night was over.

If the second night was bad, the third was worse.  Jarrod managed to keep himself awake until the early hours of the morning. His body, exhausted from the lack of sleep, dozed unwillingly only to be jerked awake at the painful memories. Unable to fight the images back even on waking, Jarrod slumped to the floor and stared sharply into the darkness, waiting... ready to strike at the imaginary foe that crowded his mind.  Hearing his movements, Ruth awoke to find him crouched in the dark. Afraid for him, she stayed her place on the bed and whispered reassurances, trying to coax him from the place he was trapped in.  Jarrod finally came to his senses and allowed her into his embrace.  Ashamed, he let Ruth comfort him once again.  His emotions still on high he let them run their course as he made love to her at an almost primal level. Both were physically and emotionally exhausted by time the sun pinkened the sky and Jarrod finally fell into a deep restful sleep.  Ruth stayed awake at his side and protected him in his sleep. 

On the fourth night, Ruth, still groggy from sleep reached a hand out to touch Jarrod as he tossed in the bed.  Still trapped in the throes of his nightmare, Jarrod grabbed the offending hand and pushed it harshly away from him.  Ruth cried out when her hand hit the steel framed armrest that served as a bedrail. Biting her lip and grimacing at the explosion of pain that traveled up her arm, Ruth pulled it to her chest and held it tightly with her other hand. Awkwardly, she managed to roll from the bed and get to her knees. Staying out of arms reach, she tried to get through to Jarrod, who seemed unable to hear her words.  After what seemed an eternity, Jarrod was still not responding. Afraid he would hurt himself as he thrashed in bed, Ruth stumbled to her feet and grabbed her robe. Carefully placing it around her, but unable to belt it, she clasped it shut with her good hand and went in search of help.

Heath had been asleep for several hours when he heard a knock on his and Nick’s sleeping compartment.  Unsure of what he heard, his body still between sleep and waking, he waited to see if it would come again.  This time he heard the knock and Ruth’s fearful voice, “Heath please, wake up. It’s Jarrod. I need help!” Jumping to his feet, he grabbed his pants and quickly slid them over his long underwear. Nick, having heard the commotion, was putting on his own pants when Heath opened the door. Stepping into the passageway, Heath was alarmed at the paleness of Ruth’s face and could see her already bruised wrist and hand as it peeked out from her robe.  Grabbing her upper arms he asked anxiously, “What is it Ruth? Did Jarrod hurt you?”

Crying, Ruth exclaimed between ragged gasps, “He’s... having a... nightmare. He won’t...wake up...Please...help me!” Ruth pulled free of Heath and practically pulled him down the passageway. Just outside their door, Heath stopped Ruth and pushed her gently towards Nick. “Stay here Ruth. We don’t know what he’ll do. I don’t want you getting hurt again.”

Heath started to enter the darkened room and stopped when Ruth grabbed his sleeve. Shaking her head, Ruth defended her husband, “He didn’t do it on purpose Heath. It was my fault. He didn’t know what he was doing.”

Heath nodded in understanding and said sympathetically, “I know Ruth. Just stay here.” Looking over her head at Nick, his eyes asked his brother what words didn’t have to.  Nick nodded and wrapped his arm around Ruth, not only for comfort but to keep her out of the room.

Moving into the room, Heath spoke calmly and softly, “Jarrod?” He immediately stepped sideways to avoid the chair that was being hurled at him. Breathing heavily from being startled, Heath could just make out Jarrod’s form in the corner where the chair once stood.  He could hear Jarrod’s harsh breathing and once again he spoke in a soft and quiet voice, “Jarrod, it’s me Heath. It’s okay big brother. No one can hurt you here. Come on back to us okay.”  Jarrod looked at Heath with dark, cold eyes when suddenly his features softened in recognition and he slid almost bonelessly to the floor. Heath rushed to his side, but avoided touching him. Sitting right beside his older brother, he began speaking in low tones only Jarrod and he could hear. 

Ruth and Nick watched from the door, but couldn’t hear what was being said. Occasionally Jarrod would nod his head or his expression would change as Heath whispered to him.  Nick watched, when suddenly Jarrod’s whole façade crumbled and he leaned towards Heath and allowed his younger brother to embrace him.  Fighting back tears at what he had witnessed, he pulled Ruth back from the door to give the two men some privacy.  Pulling the door shut behind him he looked down at Ruth and said softly, “Come on, we better see if we can find someone to look at that wrist.” 

Ruth brushed away her tears and looked up at Nick in disbelief, “What did he say to him?”

Nick shook his head, “Oh I don’t know exactly, but Heath kinda knows about stuff like this.” When Ruth frowned with confusion, Nick added sadly, “He was captured in the war and sent to Carterson.”

Ruth gasped, “Oh my God! He never said anything.”

As Nick led her back to his own room he explained, “He don’t talk it about much.” Throwing his thumb over his shoulder,  he said painfully, “He uh...probably knows a little about what Jarrod is goin’ through.”

Settling Ruth in one of the chairs, he turned to leave when Ruth touched his arm. Looking down, Nick saw the sorrow in her eyes as she spoke with sincerity, “Don’t be jealous of what Heath can do for him Nick.  In your own way, you are both doing everything possible to help him.  In time, Jarrod will realize all that you are doing for him too.”  Nick blinked back the moisture that filled his eyes, leaned down and gave Ruth a chaste kiss on the cheek.

As he walked to the door, he turned and smiled. “I hope that big brother of mine realizes just how lucky he is to have someone like you Ruth.”

Ruth watched him leave for help and uttered quietly, “Oh I think he knows.”

Part 21

Nick returned with a young medical resident, who happened to be a passenger, a short while later. He’d roused the young man from his sleep and explained what was needed.  Enthusiastic about helping someone, the doctor couldn’t stay mad at the cowboy for waking him up. Ruth was lying in the lower bed, trying to rest, but the insistent throbbing in her wrist kept her from even dozing.  Nick knocked on the door and Ruth sat up gingerly then answered, “Come in.”

Nick entered with a young man in his early twenties holding a physicians bag. Nick introduced him, “Ruth, this here is Doctor Harper.”

Eyeing Ruth’s upheld wrist as she grasped it to her chest, the doctor wondered how a woman might break a bone in the middle of the night.  He turned to Nick and spoke rather firmly, “You might want to see if you can round up some ice while I take a look at this.”

“Sure Doc, I’ll be right back.” Looking at Ruth, Nick could see that she was in pain and was trying to be brave. “You okay Ruth?”

“I will be.”  Ruth hesitated then asked, “Nick, could you see how Jarrod is doing before you come back?”  Nick nodded and went after the ice.

Turning to the doctor, Ruth questioned him, “Is it broken?”

The young doctor pulled a chair up to the bed and sat down. Taking her hand, he gently felt around her wrist and hand for signs that it was broken.  Nothing was out of alignment but judging from the pattern of bruising it was apparent that at least one of her wrist bones was at least cracked. “It looks like your wrist is broken. Can you tell me what happened?” asked the doctor suspiciously.

Ruth answered sheepishly, “I was tossing in my sleep and I must have slammed it into one of those metal bedrails. I was half asleep when it happened so I’m not real sure.”  Ruth hoped that she sounded convincing. The doctor nodded and Ruth had to hold back her sigh of relief.  No one, especially Jarrod, needed to know how it had really been broken.  He had enough to deal with as it was, he didn’t need to have the added guilt of knowing he had inadvertently caused her harm. Nick returned with the ice, and watched as the doctor splinted Ruth’s wrist with a light wrapping.

“Now when you get home and this swelling goes down, you should get your own doctor to put something more permanent on this. Keep ice on it for the next twenty fours hours at least. It will help with the swelling and pain. I can give you some powders for the pain right now, but I want you to ease off of that in a few days too. Since it’s not a bad break, the ice will go a long way in keeping the pain manageable.” The doctor stood and addressed Nick, “Keep her quiet, and make sure she gets lots of rest. She looks pretty worn down. Sleep won’t do no harm in helping that wrist heal.”

Removing the powders from his bag and getting some water to mix it the with, the doctor was about to give some to Ruth when she stopped him. Still a little shaky and pale from the doctor’s examination, Ruth spoke to him, “Not yet Doctor.” Looking up at Nick, she reached out to have him sit beside her. Holding Nick’s hand she asked worriedly, “How’s Jarrod?”

Nick sat down and patted her good hand, “He’s fine Ruth. Heath said he’s sleeping.” Ruth sighed and Nick added, “He’ll stay with him ‘til he wakes.” Nick handed her the small bag of ice and let her hold it to her wrist.

The doctor couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the conversation and asked with concern, “Has someone else been hurt too?”

Nick and Ruth both responded simultaneously, “NO!” Seeing the man’s alarmed look at their stern reply, Ruth explained, “My husband is suffering from nightmares. That is what probably woke me up earlier.  Tonight’s was particularly bad and I was simply concerned.”

The young man hesitated, then asked, “Does your husband suffer with nightmares a lot?”

Ruth shook her head, “No just recently.” Curious, she asked, “Why?”

“Well, when I was an intern, I worked with...let’s say a group of individuals who also suffered with nightmares. I found if I could get them to talk about what was in the dreams, it went a long way in helping them get over them.”

Disgusted, Nick added sarcastically, “That’s great Doc, but he don’t talk.”

“NICK!” reprimanded Ruth.

Nick responded harshly, “What? Maybe he can help.  At least give us something to go on.”

Ruth realized that Nick was frustrated, but she wasn’t too sure she wanted to share information about Jarrod with a stranger, even if he was a doctor. Reluctantly, Ruth addressed the young doctor, “Nick is right, my husband doesn’t speak.” 

Doctor Harper asked inquisitively, “Has he ever spoken?”

Ruth and Nick traded looks and when Ruth finally closed her eyes and nodded, Nick began to speak and related to the doctor most of what had happened to Jarrod up to the point where Thad got a hold of him.  Ruth reluctantly began the tale from there, leaving out most of the details.  She wasn’t trying to be evasive she just didn’t think it was anyone’s business but Jarrod’s as to what he had been through.  Most of what she told the doctor, was the same thing she told Nick and Heath when they asked.  Nick held Ruth close as she finished speaking, aware of how difficult it was to rehash Jarrod’s torture. 

The doctor, sat quietly in contemplation, then spoke tentatively, “Well I’m no expert, but it sounds to me like he doesn’t want to remember the pain in his past. If what you say is true, I suspect he doesn’t talk because that was the main focus of the torture. As long as he didn’t talk, his sister would be okay. His time in Texas only reinforced what he’d already learned.  Until he can come to terms with all that he’s had gone through, I think...Jarrod?” Ruth nodded. “I think Jarrod will continue to remain silent.”

“Why the nightmares all of a sudden Doc?” asked Nick.

“You are taking him home.  Although his conscious mind isn’t aware of the consequences, his subconscious mind is.  He is going to have to face his past when he gets home. More importantly, he’s going to have to face his sister and he doesn’t want to do that.  The nightmares are reinforcing what he has been taught.  YOU know that your sister was never really harmed by those men, Jarrod does not.  The last thing he remembers is those men manhandling her.  I would venture to say that it was in that particular moment, that Jarrod, or rather something in Jarrod’s mind, shut down all of his communication skills. Talking, writing, even mouthing words are all ways that he could communicate. His mind shut down everything in a last ditch effort to save his sister.   The blow to his head probably induced the amnesia.  It provided his mind with a convenient escape, one he subconsciously chooses to hold on to.”

Nick stood up and began his nervous pacing, “So what you’re saying is his amnesia and not talking is all in his head?”

The doctor smiled, “In a manner of speaking, yes. He can’t control it if that is what you are thinking. His mind simply found the easiest way for him to deal with everything that was happening to him.  Study of the mind, or psychology is a relatively new field in this country, Mr. Barkley, and I don’t claim to be an expert.  I just happened to do a lot of research on it when I was an intern.  There are a lot of people in the medical profession who refuse to believe that the mind can have such a powerful influence on a person’s life.”

Ruth had remained quiet throughout the conversation and when she finally spoke it was with trepidation, “What can we do to help him?”

The doctor shrugged, “I wish I could give you a magic cure all, but that just isn’t possible. To be honest, I’m surprised he’s managing as well as you say he is.  I would suggest you continue what you’re doing and just be there for him.  He’s obviously a very determined individual or he wouldn’t be doing as well as he is. I’m sorry I don’t have more answers for you.”

Ruth could see the man was sincere in his words, “Thank you doctor, you’ve at least given us something to go on.”

Doctor Harper instructed Nick on the use of the pain medication, knowing Ruth wouldn’t take it until she saw her husband. On his way out he added, “Mrs. Barkley, put your arm in a sling tomorrow and if you have any more trouble with your wrist, please don’t hesitate to find me.”

“Thanks Doc.” said Nick as he shook the doctors hand. Closing the door, he turned to see Ruth standing up. Ruth’s face paled when she stood and Nick rushed to her side, “Whoa. The doctor said you need to rest.”

Ruth struggled in his grasp, which caused her even more discomfort. Tears building, she pleaded with Nick, “Please, I need to see Jarrod.”

“Jarrod’s sleeping Ruth, something you should be doing.”

“I just want to be with him. I don’t want him to wake up without me there.” The tears began to fall, and Ruth stammered, “I don’t want...him to think... I was afraid.”

Sympathetically Nick agreed, “Alright, but as soon as you’re settled you are taking that medicine.”

Ruth smiled weakly, “Yes sir.”

Nick returned her smile, “With no lip, little lady!”

*

Nick made up the bed opposite Jarrod’s and put Ruth to bed, after insisting she take the pain medicine. The events of the night and the pain medication caught up with her and  Ruth quickly fell asleep.   Leaving the sleeping pair, Nick and Heath slipped out the door and returned to their own room hoping for a few more hours sleep. 

Ruth woke early the next morning to find Jarrod sitting on his bed staring at her, his eyes red and puffy. Alarmed, she sat up to get to him and forgetting her wrist, cried out when it made contact with the bed.  When Jarrod only sat on his bed instead of rushing to help her, she grew even more concerned. “Jarrod, what’s wrong?”

Jarrod blinked rapidly and pointed to her broken wrist. Thinking quickly, Ruth chuckled convincingly and smiled at him, “I told you that bed was too small for the two of us. I tried to roll over last night and whacked it on one of those darn armrests.”  Confused, Jarrod shook his head and pointed to himself. Ruth reassured him softly, “It wasn’t you Jarrod. I did it to myself.” Moving off the bed, Ruth stepped over to sit beside him. “Are you okay? You had a pretty rough night. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” Jarrod clasped her arm and leaned in to give her a kiss, letting her know he was fine. His eyes showed his worry for her and he insisted she lie down. Not particularly tired, after just waking up, Ruth reached out and touched his scratchy face, then smiled. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up and we can get some breakfast when you get back.”  Jarrod nodded and giving her a final kiss, grabbed his shaving gear and a clean shirt then headed to the lavatory. Ruth quickly got up and found the pain powders and mixed a dosage. Drinking it, she hoped it would take affect soon.  The throbbing was only in her wrist and she didn’t want to wait until it took over her whole arm like it had last night.  Holding her wrist to her chest for support, she grabbed all the pillows and piled them at the head of the bed. Satisfied, she sat down and scooted back until she could comfortably lean back in to the mound of pillows.  The effort was more taxing than she realized and it wasn’t long before she found herself drifting into sleep.

Part 22

Two hours out of Stockton, Jarrod woke Ruth from her nap.  Handing her the ice he’d managed to get, he made her hold it on her swollen wrist.  Even with the splint, Jarrod could make out the swelling and deep purple bruising on the top of her hand as it crept under the wrapping. Nick had told him the doctor’s instructions and he insisted on rigging Ruth’s arm into a sling before letting her out of bed. Jarrod carefully helped her get dressed, grateful for something to do.  His anxiety was increasing in direct proportion to the decreasing miles to Stockton. Ruth noticed how drawn Jarrod looked and attributed it to nervousness and lack of sleep and wished for this day to be over with.

Nick and Heath had joined Ruth and Jarrod outside their small compartment and they all made their way forward to exit the train.  Heath and Nick were halfway down the steps to the platform when Nick suddenly grasped Heath’s shoulder from his perch on the step above. Heath turned around and eyed his older brother suspiciously, “What?”

Nick was looking down the platform as he spoke, “Why don’t you go get a buggy from the livery and I’ll see if I can’t get Jarrod and Ruth over there without too much fuss.”  Nick had purposely not sent a telegram announcing their arrival for fear of a big crowd of welcomers.

“Sure Nick,” said Heath.

Nick glanced back at Jarrod and added quietly to Heath, “Make it quick little brother.”

Watching Heath hurry from the train, Nick turned to Ruth and Jarrod, “Heath’s gonna meet us the livery. There’s liable to be some well wishers wanting to welcome you home big brother. Stay close and I’ll play interference.”   Ruth nodded and Jarrod’s eyes darted up and down the platform, suddenly alert to everything around him. 

Just as they stepped off the platform, someone hollered at them from the opposite end, “Nick, Jarrod, welcome home!”  The man was waving as he rushed closer.

As the man came closer, Ruth turned and spoke in a hushed tone to Jarrod, “Let Nick do his job Jarrod.”  Nodding, Jarrod took a couple deep breaths and clenched his fists to stop the sudden tremors that threatened to overtake him.

Nick stepped forward, intercepting Fred, before he could get to Jarrod. “Fred, glad to be back.” Reaching out, he shook the sheriffs hand.  The sheriff glanced at Jarrod and noticed a protective arm wrapped around the young woman’s waist at his side. Fred was surprised by the hardened glare that greeted him when he looked at Jarrod, but tipping his hat, he addressed his friend and the young lady with him, “Howdy Jarrod, ma’am.” Jarrod acknowledged him with a nod, but nothing more.

Seeing the badge on his vest, Ruth smiled, “Sheriff.”

“Look Fred, we’re trying to get out of town with as little fanfare as possibly. Wanna give us a hand gettin' over to the livery.” 

Glancing in Jarrod’s direction, it was unnerving to see his old friend looking so...unapproachable.  Jarrod was looking leaner, and the moustache he was sporting gave him a harsher look.  Fred didn’t miss the fact that Jarrod was keeping his distance.  “Sure Nick, are those your only bags?”

“Yeah, Heath took the rest of them.”

Slapping Nick on the back, Fred smiled. “Well, let’s get a move on so you folks can get home.” 

By the time they made the short walk to the livery, both Jarrod and Ruth were stressed. Jarrod, because anyone who saw them wanted to say hello and Ruth, because the pain medicine was wearing off and her wrist was throbbing unmercifully.  Both were doing their best to remain stoic, but even Nick could see that they needed to get away from all the people. Thankfully, Heath was finished harnessing the team by the time they got to the livery.  Nick threw the bags in the back, while Jarrod helped Ruth into the buggy. Nick climbed up front with Heath and they finally made their way out of town. 

Ruth sat beside Jarrod and tried to ignore the pain that shot up her arm every time Heath hit a bump in the road.  On one particularly bad pothole, Jarrod felt Ruth stiffen and looked over to see her holding her arm. Glancing at her face, he realized how pale she’d become.  Her lips were pursed tight to stop a groan from escaping and a fine sheen of perspiration covered her face.  Alarmed, Jarrod leaned forward and grabbed Heath’s shoulder to get his attention. Nick glanced back at the same time as Heath and both men were instantly aware of the problem.  Bringing the buggy to a slow stop, so as not to juggle Ruth any more than necessary, Heath jumped down and joined Nick on Ruth’s side of the buggy.  Jarrod had his arm wrapped around her waist for support, and held her head against his shoulder.  Ruth relished the comfort, but didn’t want to be any trouble. “I’m fine. It was just the bump in the road.” Jarrod held her at arms length, and ran his hand over her cheek, collecting the sheen of moisture in his palm. Raising it for her to see, he frowned. Ruth shrugged.

Nick took action immediately. Rummaging through the bags in the back of the buggy, he found Ruth’s medicine and grabbed Jarrod’s canteen at the same time, only to find it empty. Nick’s anger was apparent when he came around the buggy with the empty canteen in his hand, “It’s empty.”

“Give it here Nick. There’s a stream not far from here. I’ll be back shortly,” said Heath.

Heath took off and Nick noticed that Ruth was glaring at Jarrod. When she finally spoke, her voice sounded angry and concerned. “How long Jarrod?”

Jarrod tried to ignore her as he took the pain powders from Nick. Forgetting her own pain for a moment, Ruth grabbed his arm as he leaned across her then pulled him upright, looked him in the eye and demanded adamantly, “How long?”

Nick watched with confusion, having no idea what was going on. Jarrod stubbornly lifted one finger in response to Ruth’s question. Still angry, Ruth questioned him more. “Yesterday when? Last night?” Jarrod closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. “Afternoon?”  Jarrod’s shoulder’s slumped and he nodded.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” yelled a very frustrated Nick.

Ruth turned from Jarrod and looked at Nick, who almost backed away from the angry young woman. “Help me down Nick.” Nick’s eyes darted from Ruth to Jarrod, unsure what was going on. Ruth started to get down on her own, and Nick stepped forward grabbing her waist and setting her on the ground. Everything suddenly caught up with her and she swayed on her feet. Jarrod saw her start to buckle and bolted from the buggy to grab her.  Luckily Nick was closer and eased her to the ground. Jarrod rushed to her side and held her in his lap. Taking off his hat, he tried to shield her from the sun.

Nick dropped to one knee in front of them, just as Heath was returning. Taking the canteen from Heath he poured some in his handkerchief and began cooling Ruth’s face down, hoping she’d come around.  When she opened her eyes and saw Jarrod’s distress she lost all her anger towards him, and said sadly, “Why didn’t you say something?”

Jarrod gave her a wry grin and shrugged. Ruth gave him a weak smile, “Wrong choice of words.”

Nick took the pain powder and carefully tore off enough of the paper envelope to pour some water in. Holding the tear between his fingers, he shook it and handed it to Ruth, “Here. Drink up.”

Ruth lifted it to her lips with a trembling hand and Jarrod covered her hand to steady it as she drank. When she was done, Nick handed her the canteen to wash it down.  Feeling better after getting the foul taste out her mouth, she offered the canteen to Jarrod, who shook his head firmly. Ruth pleaded softly, “Please.”  Jarrod hesitated and Ruth could see his indecision, but he denied his thirst and once again shook his head.  Seeing Ruth’s disappointment, Jarrod carefully sat her up and got to his feet. Ruth watched him walk towards a nearby stand of trees. He turned back, paced a few steps, and finally leaned his forearm against a tree and dropped his head onto it.  Despite Nick and Heath’s protests, Ruth got to her feet and followed Jarrod.

Heath watched her walk towards Jarrod and turned to Nick with a puzzled look. “What was that all about?”

Nick frowned and threw up his arms, “Hell, ya got me.  The empty canteen set her off.  She kept asking him how long. He finally said yesterday afternoon.” Both brothers watched the two from a distance, unable to hear the conversation that was taking place.

Ruth held out the canteen for Jarrod, “Please Jarrod, you need to drink something.”  Jarrod’s thirst made him lick his lips in anticipation of water, but still he refused.  “Please Jarrod, I know you’re thirsty. Heath filled it. You know he wouldn’t do anything to the water.”  Jarrod closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then let out a long sigh before taking the canteen from Ruth.  Jarrod’s fear was evident as he brought the canteen to his lips with shaking hands.  Taking only a small sip, despite his thirst, Jarrod tried to ignore the dark thoughts associated with drinking water he wasn’t sure of.

Heath and Nick watched their older brother take a drink, when just as suddenly he dropped to his knees and began throwing up. Nick rushed towards them only to be blocked by Heath’s arm across his chest. “Don’t Nick!” Nick stopped and pushed Heath’s arm away roughly.

Looking at Heath in disbelief Nick growled, “What do you mean, don’t?” Nick gestured wildly towards his older brother and his voice dropped, “He’s sick.”

Heath said softly, “He’s fine, let him be.”

Planting his hands on his hips in the typical Nick fashion, he glared at Heath. “You want to tell me what the hell is goin’ on?”

Heath turned his back on the scene and leaned against the buggy.  Finally finding his voice, he explained to Nick, “They used to do it to prisoners.”

Seeing Heath’s own anguish at having to talk about it, Nick leaned against the buggy next to Heath and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.  His voice was sympathetic as he spoke quietly, “What did they do?”

Heath took off his hat and scrubbed his hand through his hair before he began speaking, his voice barely above a whisper. “They would give a man poisoned water, then they’d laugh when it finally had the effect they were looking for.  They’d watch as grown men fouled themselves...and laugh.” Hanging his head at the memories, Heath continued, his voice strained. “They’d do it for days on end, weeks sometimes.  Sometimes the water was good, sometimes it wasn’t. The man drinkin’ never knew. Quit trustin’ the water after awhile.” Heath’s breath hitched as he went on, “I seen men refuse good water after that, rather than suffer the humiliation. Seen ‘em die of thirst rather than give in.”

“Why?”

Heath looked at his older brother and said, “Why not drink or why did they do it?” Heath sighed and answered his own question, “When you’re in a place like that sometimes all ya got left is your dignity. Some men refused to give that up, even if it meant dying of thirst.” Looking Nick in the eye he added, “Guess that tells ya the why of it.”  Nick had no words as he squeezed the hand on Heath’s shoulder, then glanced back at Jarrod and began to see his older brother in a whole new light.

Part 23

The rest of the ride to the ranch was a silent one, everyone deep in their own thoughts. Before starting for home again, Ruth insisted on sending Jarrod to the stream to clean up and get a fresh canteen of water.  By the time he returned, Ruth was beginning to doze from the medicine. Neither brother said a word as Jarrod helped her into the buggy and held her safely to his side.  Having her to worry about took some of his mind off of his fear of facing a mother he had no recollection of.

Victoria sat absently in the parlor, her mind drifting towards thoughts of her children.  Since receiving Nick’s telegram almost a week ago, she’d heard nothing.  Nick would be hearing some choice words regarding his lack of consideration.  All the telegram said was, bringing Jarrod home, be there in a week.  She’d wired Audra in Philadelphia, relating the good news.  The family had decided several weeks ago to send Audra to one of Victoria’s old friends out east.  In the time that Jarrod had been missing, Audra had willingly given up all of her friends and social gatherings.  She had withdrawn from everything and Victoria, as well as Heath and Nick, thought a change of scenery, free from danger would do her some good.  Audra was reluctant to leave while Jarrod was still missing, but they convinced her they would contact her as soon as they heard anything.  Victoria sighed, realizing how much she missed Audra’s presence in the big house. Even if Audra had left right away, it would still be several days before she made it home.

It was mid afternoon and Victoria put her unread book down and went in search of Silas. With her children all gone, she decided she didn’t feel up to anything more than a light meal later. On her way through the foyer, she heard the unmistakable sound of horses and excitedly rushed outside. Glancing from one son to the next, her eyes rested on her oldest.  She couldn’t hold back the small gasp that escaped her lips.  It was Jarrod, but he looked worn, and a lot leaner than she remembered. Victoria frowned at the moustache. All of her sons were meticulous about their appearances and that included being clean shaven, especially Jarrod.  She watched as Jarrod took a young woman from Nick’s arms and stood holding her in his own arms. Victoria couldn’t help but wonder who the young woman was, Nick certainly hadn’t mentioned anything.  Victoria rushed towards her sons intent on welcoming each and every one of them safely home. 

Nick saw her descend the stairs and quickly turned to Heath, “Why don’t you get them settled and I’ll have a talk with Mother?” Heath nodded and Nick turned and headed off their mother.  She tried to sidle past him, but Nick was quicker and grabbed her in his arms. “Mother, wait.”

“Please let go of me Nick, I want to see Jarrod.” Victoria grew suddenly concerned when she looked up and saw the sadness in Nick’s eyes. “What is it Nick? What’s wrong?”

Nick’s head dropped as he spoke, “He doesn’t remember Mother.”

Tears filled her eyes, as she whispered hoarsely, “What do you mean he doesn’t remember?” Victoria watched as Heath led Jarrod, with the young woman in his arms, up the steps.

Heath stopped long enough to give his mother a kiss on the cheek. “Hello Mother.” Nick gestured towards the door with a nod and Heath responded, “I’m just gonna get Jarrod and Ruth settled and I’ll join you.”  The only acknowledgement Victoria received from Jarrod was a small nod on his way past her. 

Tears fell at the hurt her oldest son had just inflicted.  Nick gathered her in his arms and spoke softly, “He doesn’t know who we are Mother.  He has amnesia.” Victoria gasped and Nick held her tight to his chest, comforting not only her, but taking comfort from her as well. “Come on, let’s get inside. I’ll try to explain everything.”

Nick entered the house with his mother on his arm, and was greeted by Silas. “Welcome home, Mr. Nick.”

Victoria released her hold on Nick and spoke to Silas, “Silas could you see that Jarrod and his guest are settled, then bring some tea to the parlor.”

Silas gave her a small bow, “Yes, ma’am.” Silas left to do Victoria’s bidding, and Nick guided her to the parlor.

Entering the parlor, Victoria sat on the settee and Nick took the chair opposite.  Nick could see his mother was still distraught over Jarrod’s behavior and began to speak only to have her interrupt. “The young lady, is she hurt? Do we need to call the doctor?”

Nick shook his head, he really didn’t know how to tell is mother all of this, “That young lady is Jarrod’s wife.” Victoria wasn’t expecting Jarrod to be married on top of everything else and she paled considerably. Nick noticed and got up to retrieve a brandy for his mother. Returning, he handed her the drink and fiddled with his own glass, after downing the whiskey he’d poured for himself. “Her name is Ruth, you’ll like her. She broke her wrist on the train and we had to give her some pain medication on the way here. She’s just sleeping.”

Victoria watched Nick pace nervously and said quietly, “Start at the beginning son. It might be easier that way.” Nick nodded and related all that had happened after finding Jarrod.  A few times, Nick tried to spare her the details but Victoria insisted on knowing everything.  She had risen while he spoke and now stood slightly to his side as he finished.  Her eyes were rimmed with tears and Nick, for the second time that day, embraced his mother as she shed tears for her oldest son.  Victoria released Nick when she saw Heath enter and drew him into her waiting arms. “How are you doing Heath?”

“I’m fine Mother. Just wore out s’all.” He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. Victoria returned to her spot on the settee, while Heath got a shot of whiskey.  Nick joined Heath and held out his empty glass for a refill.  Heath now sat opposite his mother, while Nick paced in front of the fireplace.

Finally Victoria spoke up, her voice was laced with sadness, “What can we do for him?” Nick shrugged, but it didn’t escape her notice that Heath ducked his head to avoid looking at her.  She moved closer to his chair and paced her hand on his arm, getting his attention. “What is it Heath?”

Heath lifted his head slowly, his voice reluctant as he spoke. “You can’t be forcin’ yerself on him. He needs to accept us bein’ around him in his own time, like Ruth said.”

Victoria smiled, “You both seem quite taken Ruth.  She must have made quite an impression on you.”

Nick returned his mother’s smile, “That she did Mother.”

Laughing at his older brother, Heath told his mother, “She don’t take no guff from ole Nick here. It’s purty impressive for bein’ such a tiny thing.” Victoria smiled at her two sons.  Ruth must be some woman indeed, if she could stand up to Nick. 

Silas entered with the tea and spoke to Victoria, “Mrs. Barkley, ma’am. Would you be wantin’ an early or late dinner tonight?”

“I think a late dinner would be better this evening, don’t you?”

Silas set the tea down and nodded, “Yes ma’am. Gimme time to make some o’ Mr. Jarrod’s favorites.”

“I think that would be nice Silas, thank you.” Her expression saddened as she realized that her oldest no longer even knew what his favorites were. Victoria turned toward Nick and Heath, “Why don’t you both get cleaned up and we can discuss this more later?”

Nick shook her off, “I need to go check with McCall first, see how things are around the ranch.”

Heath stood up and said tentatively, “Maybe we ought to have a talk with the hands while were at it. Their gonna need to know about Jarrod too.”

Victoria’s gaze was locked on her two sons. “Surely that can wait until some other day.”

Nick unconsciously lifted his hand to his neck, “No Mother, they need to know what to expect. We don’t want them spookin’ him.”

Her face stricken, Victoria’s voice broke as she spoke. “Is it that bad, Nick?”

Nick nodded his head, “He don’t like nobody getting’ too close. And trust me when I say you don’t want to get on his bad side.” Nick wanted to kick himself when he realized how his words must have sounded to his mother.  Heath could see Nick’s indecisiveness, should he stay and try to smooth over his words with Mother or should he just go.

Heath sympathized, “Go on Nick, I’ll explain.”  Heath watched as Nick gave their mother a kiss and a promise of an early return. Heath didn’t miss Nick’s look of gratitude as he strode out the door. Heath stood and leaned into the mantle on his forearm, his eyes staring into nothingness.  “It’s gonna be hard to see Jarrod the way he is Mother.  When we first seen him, he didn’t want nothing to do with us.  He’s warmed up to us a little, but he’s still keeps his distance. Far as I can tell, Ruth’s the only one he lets real close and even she don’t push him none.” Glancing down at his mother, Heath could see the tears build in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

“Go on Heath. If he’s gonna stay here, I need to know what I have to do to make him comfortable. This is his home too. Despite all that’s happened, he needs to feel safe here.” Her head held high with determination, Victoria’s voice was strained with emotion as she pleaded, “I need to know Heath.”

Heath nodded, “Like Nick said, you can’t be touchin’ him. He don’t like it at all. Now maybe you being a woman like Ruth may make a difference, I don’t know.  He’s let me close a couple a times, but I usually let him take the led.  He’s pretty clear on what he’ll allow. At least to me.” Heath grinned, “Nick took quite a few more lessons ‘fore he figured it out.”

Victoria smiled at Heath’s reference to Nick’s more outgoing personality.  Despite what people thought, Nick was a very sensitive individual, and was very tactile with all of the family.  Nick’s stubbornness and love for his older brother probably prevented him from accepting Jarrod’s present situation.  Lost in thought for a moment, she was brought out of her reverie when Heath sat beside her. He took her hand in his and spoke worriedly, “I don’t know how he’ll react if you try to touch him, but to be on the safe side I’d let him decide what he’s comfortable with.” Sadly Victoria nodded her head and Heath continued, “He’s gotten better with Nick and I in the short time we’ve been around him so I’m sure he’ll do fine once he gets to know you better.” Victoria listened to Heath and was amazed at his level of empathy for his older brother. In a single second, it suddenly dawned on her why and her eyes narrowed on her youngest son.

“Heath?”

Staring absently into the fireplace, Heath answered distractedly, “Hmmm?”

When her hand touched his arm gently, he turned and looked at her, “What is it, Mother?”

Her eyes filled with concern and understanding, “How are you doing with all of this son?”

“Oh, I reckon I’m fine.”

Victoria frowned at Heath’s evasiveness, “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

Heath gave her a half-hearted smile, “Didn’t reckon it was.” Putting his elbows on his knees, Heath leaned forward and began twisting the button on his cuff. Victoria smiled at her youngest son’s nervous habit.  With a quick glance in her direction, Heath turned and stared into the empty fireplace as he began speaking. “I never figured on ever havin’ to use what I learned in the war helpin’ somebody else.  It don’t seem right.”  Heath stopped and hung his head. Victoria remained silent as she watched her son struggle with the words he wanted to say. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely a whisper, “I know some of what they done to him and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.  I was in that prison camp longer that Jarrod was gone, but I had days where all I had to do was get by and I was left alone. Jarrod...he didn’t have no good days.”  Heath’s eyes filled with tears and his voice was broken as he continued, “I understand what he’s goin’ thru...and I’m glad I can help him, even if it’s just a little. It’s just...”

Squeezing his arm, Victoria asked quietly, “It’s just what, son?”

“When I’m sittin’ there talking to him about...” Heath hesitated, not wanting to divulge what his conversations with Jarrod were about. “...what he’s feelin’, it’s like this weight is bein’ lifted off me.” Heath could no longer stop the threatening tears and anguish filled his voice, “It just ain’t right that I should feel better when he’s sufferin’ so.”

Pulling Heath into her embrace, Victoria muttered, “Oh Heath. You suffered things that were unimaginable, just as Jarrod has.  Maybe this is an opportunity for both of you to help heal one another.” Holding his head to her shoulder, Victoria reassured him, “From what Nick told me, you were able to reach Jarrod when no one else could.  Because of what you went through, you can help your brother like no one else can. If that means some of your own burden is lifted, then you deserve that as much as Jarrod does.  Use this opportunity to help each other.”

Victoria held her youngest son for a few minutes before he pulled back. His face had lost some of the sadness she’d seen earlier.  Heath stood and helped her to her feet. Victoria sensed his need for privacy after such an admission and suggested, “Why don’t you go get cleaned up before Nick gets back and maybe get some rest before dinner. You’ll feel better.”

Heath leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek as he whispered sincerely, “Thank you, Mother.” As she watched her youngest son walk away she reached up and brushed away her own tears.

Part 24

Ruth slowly opened her eyes, and for a brief moment wondered where she was. Groggily, she recognized the room and seeing the long shadows, realized she’d slept at least a couple of hours.  Catching movement at the end of the bed, she watched as Jarrod walked around, occasionally picking up an item and turning it over in his hand. With each piece he picked up, Ruth could see him frown in concentration, then sorrow would replace the look as he put the piece back down.  She realized with sadness that he was trying to remember pieces of his previous life.  According to Heath, this was Jarrod’s room, but nothing in it was familiar to him as he went from one item to the next.

Ruth shifted on the bed and was rewarded when Jarrod carefully eased himself down beside her. Both had their heads propped on their elbows and Jarrod leaned in for a slow, passionate kiss. Ruth was breathless when at last he pulled back. Jarrod rolled her to her back, mindful of her wrist, braced his arm on the far side of her and leaned down for another kiss. Ruth slipped her fingers between the buttons of his shirt and ran then up and down his hard abdomen.  Jarrod shuddered at her touch and intensified the kiss, his hands roaming her chest.  Lifting himself up to gaze down at her, Ruth placed her palm on his chest when he attempted another kiss. Ruth smiled at his frown, “We need to get cleaned up and go back downstairs.” Jarrod ignored her and pushed against her hand as she held him back, “Now I mean it Jarrod. Your mother is waiting to see you.” Dropping his head in frustration, he flopped on the bed beside her.  Ruth rolled towards him and rested her chin on his chest as she spoke, “I know you don’t want to face this Jarrod.” Jarrod lifted his head enough to give her wide-eyed look that let her know he thought her words were an understatement. Ruth smiled, “Well I don’t know her any better than you do, so we’ll do this together.”

Jarrod stretched and gave her a kiss on the forehead, then pulled her up even with him and kissed her playfully. Ruth laughed, “You are incorrigible, you know that?”   Nodding his head with a smile, Jarrod rolled over and sat up. Getting to his feet, he helped Ruth stand. Pointing to her wrist, he frowned.

“It’s still sore, but not as bad as earlier. Do you think there is some ice I could put on it?”

Jarrod shrugged, but quickly tucked his shirt in, intent on finding out. Ruth grabbed her husband as he hurried about the room and reassured him with a laugh, “It can wait until we get downstairs.” Smiling, she added, “Will you help me change?”  Jarrod’s eyebrow raised and he leered at her. Ruth smiled, “Oh you. Is that all you think about?” Grinning, Jarrod gave her a quick kiss and gently turned her around to undo her dress.  He couldn’t help but smile when he felt the shiver his touch elicited and heard her firm reply, “Don’t even think it!”

*

An hour later, they joined the family downstairs. Ruth and Jarrod wandered toward the voices, not sure where everyone was at.  They entered the study and found Heath and Nick playing pool. Jarrod could see his mother standing in the alcove leading to the open patio, and his stomach twisted into knots. Ruth could feel Jarrod’s fingers tighten around her waist as Victoria approached the two of them.

Putting on her best smile, Victoria greeted them, but resisted the urge to embrace her first born, “Jarrod, I’m so glad your home. Ruth it’s nice to meet you.” Staying on Ruth’s side of the pair, Victoria clasped her new daughter-in-laws arm, “I understand congratulations are in order.”

Jarrod gave her a small smile and Ruth blushed, “Yes ma’am. Thank you.”

Smiling, Victoria corrected, “Please call me Victoria or Mother, whatever you are comfortable with dear.”

Heath grinned as he leaned against the pool table, “I wouldn’t argue with her on that one, Ruth.”

Jarrod was surprised at the ease with which this woman carried herself, and was equally surprised he felt comfortable in her presence.  Jarrod lifted Ruth’s wrist carefully as he eyed his wife with concern.  Ruth sighed and spoke to Victoria, “Jarrod...” Ruth looked at her husband sharply and stressed his name before adding, “wants to know if you have some ice for my wrist.”

Nick handed his cue to Heath and said, “I’ll go get some from Silas. Be right back.”

“Are you in pain dear?” asked Victoria with concern.

Ruth shook her head, “Not really, it’s just sore. The doctor wants me to keep ice on it for the swelling.”

Victoria motioned towards the settee. “Please, have a seat.” She backed out of the way so Jarrod could help Ruth sit, then sat down beside her, with Jarrod on the opposite side. 

Heath walked towards the liquor and asked, “You want a bourbon Jarrod?” Jarrod nodded gratefully, and Heath asked politely, “Mother, Ruth would either of you like a brandy?”

“Thank you Heath, that would be nice. Ruth, how about you?”

Ruth shook her head, “No thank you ma’am....” Noticing her mother-in-law’s frown, Ruth added quickly, “Victoria.”

Smiling, Heath handed Jarrod and his mother their drinks then returned for his own. Nick strode through the door and deftly took the drink from Heath’s hand as he handed the ice to Ruth.  Winking at Ruth, Nick teased Heath. “Thanks little brother.”

Heath responded sarcastically, “No problem, big brother.” Glaring at Nick, Heath went to get himself another drink. 

Victoria smiled at the two of them and turned her attention back to Ruth and Jarrod, “So tell us little about yourself Ruth.”

Jarrod settled back into the couch and Ruth followed, his arm draped across her shoulders. Ruth gave them an abbreviated account of her childhood, her parents, and bits and pieces of her life.  None of them failed to notice that she didn’t mention Thad by name. Her only reference was when she said she had a brother.  Victoria listened to Ruth recount her past and took the time to observe Jarrod more closely. He seemed at ease with Ruth, and she with him.  He seemed thinner, his face less full, yet he seemed fit and Victoria wanted nothing more than to gather him into her arms and celebrate his return. 

Jarrod glanced around the room as Ruth told the family her history.  Nothing was familiar, yet he felt more relaxed then he had in a long time. His eyes drifted to the portrait in the study, containing all of his so called family. His eyes locked on the young blonde-haired girl and his heart skipped a beat. He tried to ignore the sudden pain in his head, but couldn’t help but frown at the suddenness of it.  His breathing increased and he was trying hard not to draw attention to himself, as he took some calming breaths.

Victoria was the first to notice Jarrod’s distress, “Jarrod, what’s wrong?” Her voice was laced with concern.

Jarrod shook his head in confusion and denial, not wanting to alarm anyone.  He didn’t know what was happening and it scared him.  Leaning forward, with his arms on knees, he dropped his head into his hands and tried to push away the pain. Ruth rested her hand on his back and leaned over his shoulder, “Jarrod, what is it?”  Jarrod shook his head, but never looked up, still trying to stop the pain. Everyone’s worried eyes were on him when he finally lifted his head, his face sweating from the anxiety and pain he was experiencing.  He smiled nervously to alleviate their fears, but it did nothing to relieve his own.  Unable to sit any longer, he stood quickly and brushed off their help as he bolted towards the patio doors.

Victoria tried to follow, but was stopped by Nick’s strong arms. Nick held his mother, as Ruth went in pursuit of her husband.  Nick spoke gently to her, “It’s okay, Mother. He won’t let anyone but Ruth near him right now anyway.”

Distraught at Jarrod’s sudden change of mood, Victoria cried out, “What happened?”

Nick shook his head, but Heath spoke quietly, “He was lookin’ at the picture.” Heath gestured towards the family portrait. “That’s when it started. I think it hurt him to look at it.”

Stunned at Heath’s revelation, Nick and Victoria looked on in shock. Finally, Nick released his mother and said hopefully, “Maybe he’s remembering.”

“Do you really think so Nick?” said Victoria optimistically.

“I don’t know Mother,” shrugged Nick. “Maybe it was seein’ Audra in the picture. The doctor said she is probably why all this started, the not talking and stuff.”

Heath moved closer to the pair and spoke with reluctance, “If that’s the case, what’s gonna happen when she gets home?”

Nick began pacing, “That doctor on the train said something I hadn’t thought about.”

Victoria watched her son pace nervously, but chose to ignore it. Instead she asked curiously, “About what?”

“He said that we know that Audra is fine, Jarrod don’t.”

“What do you mean?”

Nick leaned against the fireplace with his arms crossed. One hand gestured into the air as he explained, “The last thing Jarrod remembers before those Keller’s knocked him out is them taking Audra.  As far as he knows, they took her and did what they promised they’d do.” Nick pinched the bridge of his nose as he added remorsefully, “It never occurred to me to explain that Audra was alright, that they didn’t do nothin’ to her.” Nick turned and gripped the mantle in frustration at his oversight, anguished that he had caused his older brother unnecessary pain.

Victoria and Heath both approached Nick and tried to comfort him. Heath stood close as their mother wrapped her arm around her son’s back, “You aren’t expected to think of everything Nicholas.  You have done everything possible to help your brother.”  Victoria voice dropped as she continued sadly, “If what you are saying is true about the doctor, I don’t think that telling Jarrod that Audra was okay would have made a difference. He is going to have to see her for himself before he’s convinced she didn’t actually suffer any damage as a result of his actions.” Victoria leaned into Nick and let him pull her to his chest. “That’s just the way Jarrod is.” 

Heath rested his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Mother’s right Nick. Jarrod is just gonna need to see Audra, before he accepts the truth. Maybe that’s all he needs to get his memory back.”

Nick smiled faintly, “I hope so Heath.” His voice fading as he added softly. “I really hope that’s all it takes.”

Part 25

Jarrod was standing on the porch, his knuckles white, as he held on to the rail and his sanity.  His arms trembled from the strain and the cool air over his sweat soaked body chilled him. He wasn’t sure if the shiver he felt was from the cold or the anxiety that was threatening to overtake him.  He heard footsteps approaching and turned to see Ruth, not really expecting anyone else.  Jarrod flashed her a weak smile as she leaned against the rail facing him.  Ruth asked worriedly,  “What triggered it Jarrod?”

Jarrod shook his head. How could he explain it was a picture of an innocent young girl that had sent him into turmoil? He assumed it was his sister that they had told him about, but why a picture of his sister would cause him such anxiety was confusing.  It occurred to him that no one mentioned why his sister wasn’t around. It only seemed natural that if she were his sister, she would have been there to greet him.  Jarrod gasped suddenly at the onslaught of pain in his head, dropped down on one knee, and held his palm firmly against his forehead in a vain attempt it would stop the throbbing. Alarmed, Ruth quickly took her place at his side and tried to sooth his obvious distress. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Frustrated and confused, Jarrod shot her an angry glare. Sitting back on his haunches, his jaw clenched in pain, Jarrod looked up and saw the hurt in his wife’s eyes. Immediately contrite, his face softened and he reached out to touch her face with his knuckles. Ruth clasped his hand and held it to her face, “I’m sorry Jarrod. I just hate to see you in such pain.”  Painful tears fell as she added, “I love you... so much...it hurts to see you like this.”  Jarrod’s eyes shone with love as he pulled her close. They held each other in the darkness and Ruth felt Jarrod slowly begin to relax. Eventually, Jarrod helped her to her feet and led her towards the front door. Taking a moment to give her a kiss, he started to turn when Ruth stopped him, “Aren’t you coming in?”  Jarrod gave her a small smile and shook his head. Ruth returned a knowing smile, “Alright, but don’t stay out too long.”

Returning to her, Jarrod took her in his arms and buried his head in her hair, inhaling her scent.  Dropping his head, he brushed his lips to hers and gave into the urge,  deepening the kiss.  Breathless, Jarrod finally pulled away and Ruth’s eyes shot open at the loss. Ruth swore she could hear him smiling and said indignantly, “That is so unfair, and you know it.”  Jarrod gave her one last kiss and slowly released her hand as he walked off the porch. Ruth took a few seconds to collect herself, before walking back in to the house.

As soon as she entered the study, the family hit her with a barrage of questions. Ruth smiled as she joined Victoria on the settee and tried to reassure them, “He’ll be fine. He just needed some time alone.”

Victoria took her daughter-in-laws hand and asked, “Do you think Jarrod is remembering and that is what caused his pain?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t really act like he remembered anything.”

Their conversation was interrupted when Silas entered and Victoria turned her attention to him, “What is it Silas?”

“Jus’ wonderin’ if you all is ready to eat?”

Victoria asked Ruth, “Do you think Jarrod will be back soon? We can wait for him.”

Ruth shook her head, “No. He wouldn’t want us to wait.”

“We’ll eat now then Silas.”

Silas bowed his head, “Yes, ma’am. I maybe fix Mr. Jarrod a plate for later?”

Victoria smiled, “That will be fine Silas, thank you.  We’ll be there in a minute.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Silas left and the family followed shortly after, with Heath escorting his mother and Nick escorting Ruth.

Dinner was a subdued affair and the conversation was kept light.  Ruth retired early, after getting more ice from Silas.  Her wrist hurt, but she didn’t want to keep taking the powders the doctor had given her since they made her so sleepy.  The day was long and exhausting for her, and it wasn’t long after going to bed that she fell asleep anyway. When Jarrod joined her several hours later, she never even stirred.

*******************************************************************************

The next three days had good moments and bad moments for all of the family.  Nick and Heath took Jarrod around the ranch and refamiliarized him with all the Barkley holdings.  Since Ruth had so few clothes, Victoria offered to take her shopping.  Not being used to such luxury, it took some convincing before Ruth finally relented and let her mother-in-law help with her wardrobe.  Ruth spent a lot of the time getting to know Victoria and the two woman genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. It didn’t take long for Victoria to realize why all three of her sons had taken such a liking to the young lady. 

Nick talked to all the hands about his brother and threatened the first one who upset Jarrod with  winter in the farthest line shack.  The hands were personable, but stayed clear of the oldest brother. Jarrod seemed comfortable for the most part, but refused to enter the study after that first night.  No one pushed the issue and they spent evenings in the parlor instead. Jarrod was friendlier, but still kept some distance between them, both physically and emotionally. He spent most of the three days with his brothers and while he still didn’t remember them as his brothers, he was beginning to consider them his friends, someone he could trust. 

Jarrod continued to have the headaches and when Doc Merar came out to cast Ruth’s wrist, she insisted on getting some headache powders for him.  When the headaches were at their worst, Jarrod was grateful for her intervention.  By the fourth day, the day Audra was due home, Jarrod was irritable and cranky after days of dealing with the pain.  When the family went to town to pick up Audra, he and Ruth opted to stay home.

*

Ruth was reading to Jarrod when the family returned home.  Hearing the horses, Jarrod helped Ruth up and the two of them walked towards the front door.  They made it to the stairs just as the family burst through the front door.  Jarrod didn’t see Audra rush in, but he did see Nick pull her back firmly and give her a stern glare.  Audra turned back towards Jarrod and the two simply stared at one another, when suddenly Jarrod’s whole body began to tremble.  His heart pounded in his chest and all the anxiety he’d fought to hold back since getting home came to the fore.  There wasn’t a sound in the room, but Jarrod’s heavy breathing. Too stunned to move, they all watched in disbelief as he suddenly grabbed his head in both hands and dropped to his knees.  He leaned forward still holding his head as the pain exploded from within. Frantic with pain, his body shook violently and the sweat poured from him.   Scared for Jarrod, Victoria turned to Heath and said anxiously, “Go send someone for the doctor!”  Heath immediately obeyed and rushed from the house.

Stunned for a moment, Audra recovered and dropped in front of Jarrod. Her tears flowed freely and she cried out, “Jarrod!”  Lifting his head, Jarrod’s face was clenched and his eyes wild from the pain.  Nick held on to Ruth and they all watched as Audra tried to reach through Jarrod’s pain.  No one questioned that it was Audra that Jarrod needed to confront.  Jarrod seemed to calm for a brief second as the two siblings locked eyes on one another. Speaking softly, Audra tried to console her brother, “Jarrod I’m fine, see. They didn’t hurt me I promise.”  They were all startled when Jarrod once again grabbed his head and tried to scramble from his sister’s presence. He only managed to make it a few feet when the pain became too much and he collapsed on the floor unconscious.

Ruth struggled out of Nick’s hold and rushed to Jarrod’s aid.  He was lying on his side and she reached down and quickly checked for a pulse.  Victoria was trying to calm a hysterical Audra and Nick looked at Jarrod’s still form,  worried for his older brother. His voice was full of fear as he looked his sister-in-law in the eye and asked, “Ruth?”  Her relief was evident when she found a strong and steady pulse and Nick sighed his own relief.  Dropping down near Audra, Nick took her from his mother and held Audra’s head against his shoulder, “Shhh sis, it’s okay.”  Nick continued uttering reassurances to his sister as she cried for Jarrod. 

Ruth lifted Jarrod’s head to set it in her lap, and all her resolve was lost.  The tears rolled unchecked down her face and her body released its fear in gasping sobs.  Victoria rushed to Ruth and spoke gently, “Ruth dear? Let’s get him upstairs where he’ll be more comfortable.”  Ruth tried to take some deep breaths to calm herself down and felt better as she wiped away her tears.  Victoria wiped away her own tears and took control of the situation just a Heath returned, “Oh thank God! Heath, help Nick get your brother upstairs.” Silas who was standing nearby was called into service, “Silas, could you get Jarrod’s room ready.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Silas hurried up the stairs just ahead of Nick and Heath as they carried Jarrod between them.

Victoria helped both Ruth and Audra to their feet and ushered them upstairs, then insisted they both freshen up before joining everyone in Jarrod’s room.  In no time at all the entire family was gathered around Jarrod’s bed in a silent vigil. Ruth sat beside her husband, using the wet towel that Silas provided to wipe down Jarrod’s face.  Victoria sat on the other side with her hand resting lightly on his chest, relishing the opportunity to finally be able to touch her oldest without worrying about his reaction.  Heath leaned against the dresser, with Audra in his arms, both wore looks of worry for their older brother.  Nick’s spurs were the only sound in the room as he paced back and forth at the end of the bed.  With a glare from Victoria, he finally took a position by the window and waited for the doctor to arrive.

Part 26

Jarrod woke up slowly. His head still throbbed, but thankfully the screaming, debilitating pain was gone.  He lay listening to the whispered voices around him, and everything fell into place. He sat straight up in bed and opened his eyes, taking in all the faces around him.  When his eyes fell on his sister, Audra, they clouded over with grief and guilt and his mouth opened with a silent gasp. 

Audra kept her distance, afraid her presence would cause him more pain and Jarrod fought to stop the overflow of emotions.  She hated him. Hated and despised him so much she wouldn’t even come near.  He slowly lifted his hand to reach out to her, all the while terrified she would deny him the chance to apologize.  Silent tears coursed down his tormented cheeks and he waited for her to make a move towards him.  The rest of the room watched in silent anguish at the scene unfolding before them.  Drawn by Jarrod’s silent plea, Audra rushed into his arms. Jarrod took a deep gasping breath, grabbed her and held her head against his shoulder. 

In her brother’s protective arms, Audra cried, “Oh Jarrod, I’ve missed you so much!”

Jarrod held his little sister and cried with her.  Cried for all he’d lost, then cried for all that he still had. There was not a dry eye in the room as the family watched, and one by one they joined the pair on the bed and added their own tears.  So caught up in the reunion, Jarrod allowed them to embrace him without the normal anxiety he felt at the thought of someone touching him.  They held him for long moments, and his mind drifted. Drifted to the evil that had touched him in recent months.  An involuntary shudder passed down his length as he wondered what they would think of him if they knew his shame... If they knew of the darkness that resided in his soul.  Stiffening in his family’s embrace, he watched as his mother, Audra, Nick and Heath all eased themselves away from him, all saddened at the sudden loss. 

Jarrod scooted back and Ruth, along with Victoria, quickly placed pillows behind him for support. Once settled, he beckoned Ruth to his side and they both sat as the rest of the family wiped away tears. Victoria took a seat at the end of the bed, reached down and gently placed her hand on his leg. Jarrod eyed her hand, but didn’t pull away and Victoria spoke, “You remember, don’t you?”

Jarrod nodded solemnly and she added hesitatingly, “Everything?”  Again he nodded and limited relief flooded the room. No one had missed the fact that Jarrod still wasn’t talking.  Both Nick and Heath descended on their older brother, but stopped at the edge of the bed when Ruth’s eyes widened and she gave them a discreet shake of her head to call them off.

Victoria had felt Jarrod’s reaction to Nick and Heath’s advance as well and calmly lifted her hand as if it were the most natural thing to do and said “I think perhaps we should let Jarrod get some rest.” Patting his leg carefully, she added, “We’ll let you know when Doctor Merar gets here. I’m sure he’ll want to look you over.”  

Audra, unfamiliar with Jarrod’s need of space, bounded over and innocently gave him a kiss, which he accepted graciously.  Nick smiled at his older brother and teased, “Don’t get used to layin’ around big brother, this is a workin’ ranch.” Everyone grinned and Nick started to leave, then turned back, his face reflecting his lighter heart, “Glad you’re back older brother.”  Jarrod closed his eyes and bowed his head at Nick’s heartfelt words.

Heath stopped beside Jarrod and grinned, “Welcome home Jarrod.” He reached out a hand and waited for Jarrod to take it, relieved when he did. When Heath released his grip, Jarrod held it for the briefest of seconds longer and conveyed to Heath his gratitude for all his younger brother had sacrificed. Releasing his grip, Heath gave his older brother a lop-sided grin of thanks of his own.

Jarrod smiled and Nick called out to Heath, “Let’s get a move on Heath, we got some catchin’ up to do.”  Heath shrugged at Jarrod and followed Nick and Audra out.

Victoria lingered, hoping for a moment alone with her oldest son. Ruth understood her need and got up from the bed.  Giving Jarrod a light kiss, she made her excuses,  “I’m going to freshen up. I’ll be back in a bit.” Jarrod nodded and watched her until she left the room, closing the door behind her.  Turning back nervously towards his mother he waited for her to speak.

Concerned for Jarrod’s comfort, she asked, “Are you okay with my being here?”

Jarrod nodded and reached out his hand to assure her and Victoria held it between her own.  Tears filled her eyes at the simple gesture of acceptance her oldest was giving her. Seeing his mother’s tears, Jarrod sat up, instinctively pulled her towards him and enclosed her in his embrace.  No words were spoken, but both seemed to take comfort from the other, as they shed tears as mother and son.

*

Ruth returned much later and found Jarrod sleeping, with Victoria watching over him. The two women exchanged knowing glances and Victoria excused herself, allowing Ruth some time alone with her husband.  Ruth eased herself in next to Jarrod and lay watching him sleep.  One of the few times he appeared totally relaxed, his face devoid of the stress lines she grown accustomed to.  He looked more like the Jarrod she remembered from their first meeting, younger and more at peace with himself.  Maybe with his new memories he could begin to gain back some of what he’d lost. 

Stirring much later, Jarrod woke and found his wife eyeing him carefully.  With his new memories, also came the knowledge of his desire for this woman, now his wife.  He recalled the time several years ago when he’d first met Ruth and how at the time he been drawn to her beauty, her sense of humor and her determination to survive and wished the circumstances had been different.  The recent death of her husband prevented him from pursing any type of relationship.  Yet here he was, lying in bed with her and his heart soared.  Rolling over to lie above her, he made sure she understood the depth of his love...

****************************************************************************

Jarrod slowly became more and more involved in his family’s lives over the next month.  Still harboring his own fears, he did his best to shelter his family from the worst of it.  Only Ruth was aware of his bad days and she was always there at the end of the day, when it all came toppling down on him.  He spent his days working the ranch with his brothers.  While he did appear to be healing from his months of torture, he knew he would carry the scars forever, both the physically and emotionally.  He would lie awake at night and wonder if he would ever really feel the self confidence he projected for his family’s benefit.

For the first time since his return home Jarrod let his brothers talk him into a trip to town, knowing in his heart he was doing it more for their sake then his own. He was more than content to spend his days within the confines of the ranch’s borders.  Every day he wrestled with the need to go in search of his tormentors, to put an end to his fears and every day he would convince himself that all he needed was more time. Time to forget and move on. He knew he couldn’t forget and he knew he couldn’t move on so he went from day to day. On this particular day he reluctantly allowed Nick and Heath to take him for a beer.

The three brothers stood at the bar, with Nick and Heath flanking their older brother in an unconscious shield of protection as they talked with amongst themselves, nursing a beer.  The noise in the bar increased dramatically when the Morton’s and several of their hands sauntered in.  Noticing the Barkley’s, the oldest Morton, Tom, couldn’t resist the chance to goad his neighbors.

“Well, well. Ain’t seen you boys in ages.  Heard tell ole Jarrod there gave up his lawyerin’ and took up ranchin’.” Nick turned enough to glare at the man, then turned his back on him and gripped his beer tightly to stop himself from doing something he’d regret. Not getting the reaction he was hoping for, Tom continued his snide remarks, “Now way I heard it, you got big brother ridin’ broncs these days.” Turning to his friends he laughed, “Can any of you see the Counselor here up on a horse for the rodeo, boys?” Moving closer he prodded Nick with his words, “That’s stoopin’ pretty low ain’t it Nick.”

Nick had about all he could take and was about to let Tom have it, when Jarrod placed a restraining hand on his arm.  Nick tensed, took a deep breath and grabbed his beer so tight, it was surprising the glass didn’t shatter.  Tom moved behind Nick’s back and Nick turned more towards Jarrod to keep an eye on Tom and protect his older brother if necessary.  The next few seconds seemed to slow down as Tom reached out and grabbed Jarrod’s arm, at the same time saying belligerently, “You ain’t bein’ very friendly, lawyer....”  Tom’s words died on his lips as he turned Jarrod towards him and found the barrel of the man’s gun pointing between his eyes.  Tom flinched at Jarrod’s dark, stormy eyes and was suddenly very worried about seein’ tomorrow. 

Stunned at the speed Jarrod had pulled his gun, Nick recovered and grabbed the barrel, pointing it up and away from Tom’s head. “Whoa there, Jarrod!”  He watched as Heath physically removed Tom’s hand from Jarrod’s arm and saw Jarrod relax as Heath whispered to him.  Pushing Tom out of harms way, Nick turned on him and held him at arms length as he spoke, “Back off Morton!  We just came in for a drink.”

Not wanting to appear foolish in front of his friends, Tom let stupidity roll off his tongue, as he taunted loudly, “Hell Nick, everybody knows ole Jarrod there ain’t right in the head no more. Done gone loco what I heard...”  Nick erupted at Morton’s words and pulled his hand back and delivered a crushing blow to the man’s face.  From that point on it was five against three, as the Morton hands took on the three Barkley’s.  Heath threw his first opponent right over the bar and tried to fight off another. Nick had his hands full with the biggest of the cowboys and took several hits to every one of his, before the big man started to wear down.  Jarrod was trying to fight off two at once and was holding his own until the one man slammed a chair into Jarrod’s rib cage just as he lifted his arm to take out his partner.  The blow staggered Jarrod enough for the one man to grab him from behind as his friend hit him several times in the ribs and stomach. Wild with fear, Jarrod twisted in his captors grip and slammed his elbow into the man’s face.  As the man grabbed his face and bent over in pain, Jarrod delivered a two-handed blow to the man’s neck, effectively knocking him out.  He turned to see where the second man was and only saw the flash of a bottle before it connected with the side of his head.  Too pumped with adrenaline to give in to the sudden dizziness, Jarrod delivered a bruising blow to the man’s middle.  With no air in his lungs, the man was forced to his knees.  Jarrod finished him off and turned to help his brothers, who thankfully were finishing off their own men.  Suddenly too light headed to stay upright, Jarrod slid to his knees.  Nick and Heath rushed to help Jarrod and kneeling at his side, they both reached out to support their older brother. Jarrod’s head shot up and he frantically pushed away their hands as he stumbled out the door into the darkness.