Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program Big Valley are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the authors. The ideas expressed in this story are copywrited by the author.

 

A Time to Rend-by nutterone

 

Twenty-One~

 

In that deep dark place, Heath was filled with anger.  He had heard Katy’s words, struggling to ignore them.  If he let himself, he could feel his daughter curled up in his arm too.  GRRR!!!  They were stopping at nothing to keep him with them.  It was Nick.  No, Jarrod, who had that idea.  Using Leah against him.  They had to know it was his Achilles.  They were putting everything they had on that one bet.  They figured the one thing he would never do was leave his child.  They knew he would never repeat the sins of his father.  Or would he?

 

Katy and Heath had attended the small Catholic Church since their marriage.  To everyone’s convenience the mass was held at the same time as the Barkley service, so they still rode to town as a family.  Heath believed in God, but religion was not something to which he ever pledged himself.  If he was honest, he knew he had attended protestant services with the family for their benefit and to snub the reverend, who had once banned him from church as a child of sin, Reverend Pence.  Each Sunday, as he stepped over the threshold of a house of worship, he inwardly laughed at the memory of that man.  He worshipped the Lord in his own way each and every day at sunrise.  He knew his family would have been surprised to know that was part of his morning ritual.  Sure, he had cursed God a time or two, but he still held a deep and faithful respect for the being that both gave and took away so much.

 

“A fine mornin’ to you, Father Reese.”  Katy had not missed mass since the death of their son.  She clung to her faith.

 

“That it is, Mrs. Barkley.”  He nodded to Heath as well.  “It’s good to see you out and about.”  His words were gentle, understanding the young couple’s grief.

 

“Me Ma always told me to find comfort in the Lord.” 

 

“How right she was.”  Father Reese squeezed her hand and released it.

 

Heath said nothing.  He hadn’t found much comfort, only the anger and despair that blackened his heart.

 

He escorted Katy to their normal pew, trying hard to ignore the looks of the congregation.  He knew them well enough.  For certain, some looked on the couple with sympathy, but others made no attempt to hide their leers.  These mighty Christians judged him with pleasure.  He often wondered if they had ever read the bible.  Didn’t they know judgment was God’s and only his?

 

Mass ended, but they didn’t stay to socialize.  Idle chatter was more then either could handle.  The walked down the street to meet the family, arm in arm for comfort.  The other service had ended earlier and the other Barkley’s, save Jarrod were chatting with friends in the courtyard.  No one saw Heath and Katy approach.

 

Henry Cranston and his wife were passing Heath and Katy, when Henry abruptly stopped.  He tipped his hat to Katy, then turned to Heath.  “No offense to you Ma’am, but might I have a word with your husband.”

 

She eyed Heath, reading him well.  “Certainly whatever it is you have to say to my husband, you can say to me?”

 

“Well, ah…”

 

“What do you want, Cranston?”  Heath had lost all patience.

 

Mrs. Cranston was obviously nervous, pulling on her husband’s arm.  He ignored her, feeling suddenly bold.  “You shouldn’t condemn your wife.”  He turned to Katy.  “I am sorry for the loss of your son, but certainly you knew that things couldn’t go well.  The good Lord saw fit to bring your son to his side, rather then leave him to be raised by the devil’s spawn.” 

 

Katy was too stunned to react.  Heath wasn’t.  A violent shove removed Cranston from the vicinity of his wife.  He moved in to continue the fight, but Mrs. Cranston moved quickly in between the men, begging forgiveness for her husband’s words.  Heath was about to move her aside when he felt Katy’s hand on his arm.  It was a small gesture, but enough to pull him back.  “He’s not worth it, Heath.”  She pulled his arm and they moved to the family, who had just then become aware of the tension.

 

Nick was instantly at their side.  “What’s wrong?”

 

Heath said nothing.  Katy waved him aside, pulling Heath to the waiting buggy.  He helped her aboard, waiting for the rest of the family to join them.  They rode back in silence.

 

“Come on, Papa.  Time to wake up…”

 

Leah’s words dredged him from his memories.  He was remotely grateful for the disruption. 

 

Leah had lay quietly chatting with her Papa for more then two hours.  Katy’s bet was lost.  There was no change in Heath.  Jarrod read the disappointment in Katy’s face and called to Leah.

 

“Leahloo?”

 

She turned to Jarrod, her blue eyes shimmering from unspent tears.  “Yes?”

 

“How about a break?  I think some time down at the corrals might be nice.  Will you go with me?”

 

Leah looked to her mother for an answer. 

 

“That’s a fine idea.  Thank your uncle Jarrod.”

 

Leah gently pulled away from her father, moving to her uncle’s outstretched hand.  As they reached the door, she turned back.  “I’ll be back, Papa.”

 

Victoria arrived next, demanding that Katy go and rest.  She had earlier convinced Nick to get out of the house.  Katy was somewhat harder, but she won the battle.  She took her place at Heath’s side, speaking quietly.  She was thrilled to note movement in his extremities.  His fever hadn’t changed, but something had.

 

Inside the dark place, one comment was repeated over and over again.  “Damn them!  Let me go!”

 

Victoria’s hope was renewed within the hour.  Heath began to thrash and moan lightly.  She checked for a change in temperature, finding him perhaps a bit cooler.  She plied his unconscious form with cool water, relieved when he involuntarily swallowed.  She latched on to the hope and willed it to grow.

 

“I’d of bashed his head in right then and there…”  Nick was angry.

 

“Nicholas, we are all angry about Cranston’s words, but beating him up would have done nothing.  Men like that don’t change.”  Victoria was attempting to calm her son.  They had heard what transpired from Katy before she excused herself to rest.  Heath had entrenched himself at the corral following their return from church, refusing to come in.  Jarrod sat numbly in the corner, only half aware of the family.  It had been a month since the hideous deaths of his family and he was still not quite ready to rejoin the world or his family.

 

“How could someone think like that?”  Audra mused quietly aloud.  “The Jackson’s had a barbeque last week.  We weren’t invited.”

 

Nick looked concerned at his mother, knowing where Audra’s comments were going.

 

“I asked Carla why.  She said her mother no longer wished to associate with us.  She said we had earned our punishment by harboring a bastard.”  She held her tongue.  “It’s been so long…  How can anyone still think of him that way?”

 

There was no answer, as Heath had been standing in the entryway, listening to the conversation within.

 

“I lied Heath.  I told you I never understood, but I did.  I saw the pain in your eyes on that day after church.  I saw so much.  I saw the love you had for us and the agony of your loss.  I hate that you left, but I can’t blame you.  Now, I must only wonder, which agony is worse?  I know which is worse for me.  I suspect you are struggling with it now.  Take your time, Darling.  We’ll wait.”

 

Twenty-Two~

 

“Take your time, Darling.  We’ll wait.”

 

Wait they did.  For several days Heath fought the physical and emotional battle.  His fever raged, this time with delirium.  Accepting that they could not all be with him at once, a schedule was worked out and he was never alone.  No matter who sat with him, they talked.  Even Ellen, who had never met him, chatted away with questions and filled the unconscious man in on her life, marriage to Nick and their children.  Audra was comforted by the arrival of her husband, Joe.   The plan was complete.  The whole family was present, organized for the battle to bring their loved one home.

 

“Isn’t there anything else we can do, Howard?”  Katy was escorting Dr. Merar out, having been replaced by Nick.  She debated asking him about calling in another doctor, but decided not to, knowing deep down, he would suggest it if he thought there was a chance.

 

“We’re doing everything we can Katy.”  He allowed himself a smile.  “Honestly, as weak as he is, he’s fighting, and that’s something.”

 

She returned his smile, faintly.  “Of course, you’re right.”

 

“Mama?”

 

Howard left and Katy turned to her daughter.  “Yes, Darling?”

 

Leah’s voice was soft and spiritless.  “Are you gonna have some dinner with me or will you sit with papa?”

 

Katy smiled at her daughter.  She worried that her daughter felt slighted since her return.  Katy tried to decide if she had spent too much time with her husband.  “For certain.  As a matter of fact, I was thinking you and I could pack up our dinner and walk down to the river for a picnic.  Would you like that?”

 

Leah ran to her mother, hugging her as tightly as she could.  “YES!”

 

“Let’s go, then!”

 

Nick replaced the cooling clothes, strategically placed around Heath’s searing body.  The only acknowledgment of his action was a mumble.  He was quiet at the moment, but Nick knew it would all change soon.  No sooner had he thought it, when it happened.  Heath’s head tossed back and forth and his words fell from his mouth.

 

Heath was lost in his memories.  One minute he could bask in the glow of a happy one and in the next instant, it would disintegrate to a tragic one.  He and Audra tending a new foal and laughing over its name would instantly become Handy Random firing at them.  Jarrod and Heath setting Nick up with Sarah Purty, convincing him that she was a raving beauty evolved into Nick being shot by Carlos Madiera.  Jarrod’s image caused only pain.  He knew Jarrod had watched not only Tim, but his own children and wife burn alive.  A fire set by Clummer in revenge for Heath’s past.  In his mind he saw his stepmother dancing at his wedding and then the shameful glances she received from the women in town.  It was enough for him to know he was a daily reminder of her husband’s infidelity.  Every image of happiness that came to his mind, offering him comfort and love was quickly erased by some threat from his past.  Before he met his family, he had no idea he had had so much influence.  Prior to that fateful day, his past had never reached out to him, but now it seemed it wouldn’t release its hold.

 

Nick ran his fingers through Heath’s hair, trying to settle him.  The tight grip on his hand meant to keep him connected to the family that he wanted to leave.  “You’re not going anywhere, Heath.  We need you here.  You belong with us.  I got so much to share with you.  So much I need to talk to you about.  I got Ellen, Ben and the baby.  They need and love me so much sometimes it scares me.  I don’t wanna talk to Jarrod about it.  I don’t want to hurt him like that.  I need you.  You’ll understand.  I thought Ellen would fill the void in my heart, but, God help me, she can’t.  I need you back, Little Brother.  Only you can fill it.  Ya hear me?  Course, I might have to kick your butt for a while.”

 

He did.  He heard Nick’s words.  He didn’t know if they were enough to fight his inner demons, but it helped.  It might be worth a butt kickin’.

 

Having eaten more then either of them expected, Leah lay with her head in her mother’s lap, as they watched the sunset settle around them.  They were close enough to the house to risk staying after dark.

 

“Mama?”

 

“Yes, Darling.”

 

“Will papa live?”

 

“I think so.  We are fighting too hard for him, don’t you think?”  She hugged her daughter a bit tighter.

 

“Will he stay?”

 

Katy froze.  She wanted desperately to tell her daughter yes, but a small part of her feared the answer.  She thought long, trying to form a good answer.

 

“Mama?  Does he love me?”

 

“For certain, Precious.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Because I know your papa.  He took one look at you and loved you.”

 

“So, why won’t he stay?”

 

She knew there was no avoiding it.  “It’s complicated.  Tough for a young one like yourself.”

 

Leah pushed herself up indignantly.  “Mama.  I am six, almost seven.”

 

Katy chuckled.  “Yes, you are.  But…  Mama’s not sure she understands either.”

 

Leah groaned.  “Mama, am I gonna have to ask Uncle Jarrod?  He always has the answer.”

 

Katy laughed again, enjoying the time with her daughter.  She pondered those deep blue eyes, amazed at her daughter’s strength.  Despite her ordeal, she showed no real lasting damage.  In the first nights, she had slept fitfully, but strong loving arms always comforted her.  She was so like her father, so strong and determined.  Although this was the first major adversity in her young life, she demonstrated amazing perseverance.  How proud her father would, no, will be.

 

She decided to try and explain.  “Leah, your papa didn’t always live here with your family.  He came when he was older.  You know that right?”

 

“Yes.  He had a different mama.”

 

“Well, before your papa came here, he did a lot of different jobs.”

 

“Ya.  Uncle Jarrod told me he drove stage, was a cowboy and a deputy.”

 

“That’s right.  He did many good things.  But his life wasn’t easy.”

 

“Uncle Jarrod said that too.”

”Well, your papa’s afraid that his past will hurt us.”

 

“Why?  He did good things.”

 

“Yes, I know.  That’s why it is hard to understand.  He believed we would be better off without him in our lives.”

 

“But he’s my papa…”

 

“Yes, indeed.”

 

Leah was quiet for some time, thinking on her mother’s words.  “Mama?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I know I am always supposed to mind my elders and not be bossy, but…”

 

Katy was curious where this was going.  “But?”

 

“Can’t I just this once, tell papa he has to stay?”

 

Katy pulled her daughter into her arms.  “Just this once.  I think that would be fine.”

 

They cuddled a while longer, watching the sunset.  Leah fell asleep in her mother’s loving arms.  Katy sat longer, enjoying the presence of her daughter’s warmth in her arms.  She realized she would need to wake the sleeping child in order to get up, but as he had so often in the past, Jarrod came to her rescue.

 

He approached silently.  “Can I be of service?”  He stroked Leah’s hair gently.

 

“I could use a hand if ya have a mind to share one.”  She whispered.

 

Experienced at the movements, Jarrod lifted Leah into his arms as he waited for Katy to rise.  They walked into the house together and put the girl to bed.

 

Closing the door behind them, Jarrod turned to Katy.  “Did you enjoy your time?”

 

“Very much.  But, you should be worried.”

 

He smiled.  “Why’s that?”

 

“She’s going to come to you to explain why her papa left.”

 

Jarrod’s smile faded. 

 

“I’m sorry, Jarrod.  I tried to explain it to her.  She decided you would have the answer.”

 

Jarrod’s eyes were lost to her.  She knew he was in the past, reliving nightmares.  Katy touched his arm.  “Jarrod?”

 

“Sorry.  I guess I can tell her…”

 

“Jarrod, I was teasing.  She…”

 

“It was my fault.”

 

“Jarrod Thomas Barkley!  Why on earth would you say such a thing?”

 

“I was so lost…  I couldn’t see past my own pain.  I know what that fire cost you and Heath, but I didn’t care.”

 

“Jarrod…  No…”

 

“Maybe, if I…”

 

“No!  No Jarrod.  You mustn’t think this way.  Heath knew…”

 

“I wasn’t there for him.”

 

“You couldn’t be.  Heath felt bad, because he felt he couldn’t be there for you.  No, Jarrod, this was not your fault.”

 

“I’m sorry, Katy.”

 

“So am I.”

 

Jarrod chuckled.  “To think, I was the confident one on the trail.  I told Nick we’d get him to stay.”

 

“Do you want him to stay?”

 

“Yes.”  There was no hesitation.

 

“Why?”

 

“That, My Dear, is between he and I.”  He leaned in and kissed her cheek.  “I need to sit with him.”

 

“I’ll be in later.”

 

Twenty-Three~

 

Jarrod quietly entered the room, noting the smile on Nick’s face.  “Brother Nick?  Everything all right?”

 

“He’s drenched.”

 

Jarrod returned his brother’s smile, having witnessed enough fevers break.  “That is good news.”

 

“We’re gonna bring him home.”

 

“He IS home.  We’re gonna keep him here.”

 

Moving to Nick’s side, they changed the bedding.  Jarrod then rested a hand on Nick's shoulder.  “Go get some dinner and rest.”

 

“I…”

 

“Nick, we’ve been through this before.  We can’t all be here, all the time.”

 

“But…”

 

“What he needs now is sleep.”

 

Nick looked longingly at his sleeping brother, willing him to wake.  “You’re right.”

 

“Of course I am.”  Jarrod delivered a killer smile to back his joke.  It was well received and Nick left.  Jarrod used a new cloth to once again bathe his brother’s cooling body, glad to see him improving.

 

“I knew you wouldn’t leave us.”  In his mind he added.  At least not yet.

 

Jarrod opened the book he’d been reading aloud to Heath.  He continued on where he left off, knowing deep down his brother was listening.

 

He was replaced at midnight by Katy and Victoria at dawn.  Throughout each shift change, Heath slept on, not even truly waking for the spoonfuls of sugar water and cool broth emptied into his mouth. 

 

Leah had not yet returned to school.  Instead, one of her aunts worked with her to catch up on missed assignments.  She sat at Jarrod’s desk as Ellen paced behind her.  Hearing the front door open, she looked up, praying for the right person to walk by.  She was blessed in that moment.

 

“Uncle Jarrod!”

 

Jarrod halted in the doorway at his niece’s summons.  “Yes, Leahloo?”

 

Glancing at her aunt with an angelic face, she continued.  “I got your desk all warmed up for you.”

 

Jarrod, guessing her motive, played along.  “That was very kind of you, but I’m not sure I am quite ready to get to work.”

 

Leah panicked.  It wasn’t going as planned.  “But… But Uncle Jarrod, it’s nice and comfy.”

 

“Yes, I know and...”

 

“Leah, you aren’t done with your math lessons.  Quit trying to scamper off.”  Ellen had heard enough.  She knew Jarrod would soon cave.

 

Jarrod smiled sheepishly at Ellen, having fully received the voiceless reprimand.  “Thank you for caring for my desk, Leahloo, but I think you need to finish your math.”

 

Leah caught him off guard.  “I could finish faster if you’d help me.”

 

Ellen’s eyes lit with amusement.  “Yes, Jarrod.  She could use some help with her numbers.”

 

He held his hands briefly in surrender as he saw both the Barkley women eye him down. He decided to take Ellen’s place behind the desk. 

 

Twenty minutes later, Jarrod and Leah had completed her math assignment.  “How about we raid the kitchen for cookies, Leahloo?  All this homework made me hungry.”

 

Leah thought for a minute.  “Um.  I had a different idea.”

 

Curious at the girl’s refusal of cookies, he asked.  “What was your idea?  A ride on your pony?”

 

She giggled.  “Well, that’s a good idea, but I was kinda hoping I could see papa.”  She sobered suddenly.

 

Jarrod pulled her into his arms.  “I think that is a wise idea.”  Setting her back on the desk, he turned and offered her his back.  She happily climbed on board, bouncing all the way up the stairs. 

 

Jarrod deposited her at the door to Heath and Katy’s room, stretching his back, chiding himself for getting older.  “Here you are, Leahloo, but be quiet.  Your papa needs his sleep.”

 

“I will.  I just wanna hug him and make sure he knows I didn’t forget him.”

 

Jarrod felt himself overwhelmed by the love this child had for her little known father.  Sending her on her way, he fell into a pit of memories.  Before his eyes flashed images of a life now gone.  It all flooded back, his wife’s electric touch, Tori’s baby giggle and smell, and Tim’s smile.  He reached out and braced himself against the wall, afraid of falling further into the darkness.  He struggled to gain control of his breaths.  Making his way into his room, he collapsed on the floor and succumbed to the wave of grief.

 

Leah moved into her papa’s bedroom, encouraged by the welcome wave from her grandmother.  “What brings you here?”

 

Leah smiled shyly.  “Gran.  I’m here to see papa.”

 

“I guessed as much.”

 

“Mama says he’s sleeping.”

 

“He is… He’s very tired.”

 

Leah moved closer to her father, lightly stroking his face.  “He’s cooler.”

 

“Yes he is.”

 

“Can’t we wake him up?”

 

“I’d like to, but he really does need the rest, My Dearest.”

 

“Can I nap with him like before?”

 

Curious, Victoria asked her simply.  “Are you sleepy?”

 

“Not really, but it felt like he was huggin’ me and I liked it.”  She leaned in close to grandmother’s face and whispered quietly.  “I think he liked it too.”

 

Victoria smiled.  “I think you’re right.  Climb on in, but be gentle and quiet.”

 

“I will, Gran.”

 

Leah tucked herself into the crook of his arm, whispering into his ear.  “Hi, Papa.  I’m here again. Hope that’s ok.  Mama says your feeling better, but ya gotta sleep.  Everybody’s hollering at Uncle Nick to keep quiet.  Ya know, he’s kinda loud sometimes.   Are ya gonna wake up soon Papa?  I’d sure like ya to.  I was thinkin’ we could go riding.  I got a pony, an’ her name’s Cally.  Uncle Nick was showing me Charger the other day.  He says Charger is Cally’s grandpa.”  She stopped chatting, deep in thought.  “Can you hear me papa?”

 

Deep inside, Heath answered.  “I hear ya, Love.  I hear ya.”

 

Twenty-Four~

 

Leah remained nestled in her father’s arms until dinner.  Nick decided on a new approach that evening.  Finding Ben before dinner, he offered him some quality time.

 

“Ben?”

 

“Papa!”  Ben ran to his father’s arms and was greeted with a huge encompassing bear hug, swinging and a whisker rub included.  “Oh Papa.  That tickles.  Some day I’m gonna give you a hisker rub.”

 

“You will, huh?  That’d be fine, Boy.  Just fine.  I think I got a few years.  Say, I got an idea.  You wanna have a picnic with me for dinner?”

 

“Like Auntie Katy and Leah had by the river?”

 

“Well, um, no.  I kinda had something different in mind.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“How about we eat in Uncle Heath’s room?”

 

A puzzled look fell across young Ben’s face.  “But Papa, we always rassle on picnics, how we gonna rassle in Unca Heath’s room?  Mama says we gotta be quiet.”

 

“I know.  But I think Uncle Heath might enjoy you visiting him and I haven’t had near enough time with my best boy.”

 

Ben’s mind completely forgot the picnic, as he focused on his father’s words.  “I’m ya best boy, Papa?”

 

Nick, realizing his mistake, corrected himself.  “Well of course.  You are my only boy.”

 

“But…”

 

Nick winked.  “He’s my best baby.”

 

“Aw, Papa.”

 

Nick shuffled the boy’s dark hair with affection.  “So, whatcha say?  Wanna have a picnic with me in Uncle Heath’s room?”

 

“Sure, Papa.  But are ya sure Uncle Heath won’t mind?”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

Nick, carrying two trays up the stair, balancing them tentatively on each arm while Ben bounced ahead of his father.  Reaching Heath’s room, he shooed Katy out and set Ben’s tray on one side of the bed and his on the other.  They ate and chatted, making no attempt to be quiet or let Heath rest.  Nick couldn’t be sure, but he was willing to swear he saw Heath’s eyes open briefly.  His plan was working.  He intended to surround Heath with normal everyday family life.  Not just surround him, but drown him in it, until there was no way he could think of leaving it.

 

Heath was awake.  He listened quietly to the conversation between Nick and his son.  He had guessed Nick’s plan.  He was half tempted to open his eyes and tell Nick how wrong he was.  Listening to Ben and Nick interact, only reminded him of his own lost son, a son that had died at his own hand.  He had risked a glance at Nick.  ‘Oh Nick, don’t ya think I want this life?  But look at the pain I bring it.  Would you really risk your son on me?’  Ignoring the conversation about him, he slunk back into darkness.

 

Audra ended the special time, pulling Ben out for a bath.  As the boys were being readied, laughter from mothers and sons could be heard up and down the halls.  Alone in the room, Nick spoke to his brother.

 

“See, Brother.  You heard him.  He’s too darn smart.  I need your help with him.  Just think I got two of ‘em.”  He looked wistful for a moment.  “Maybe a few more.  I wouldn’t mind a little girl or two.  Although, if Leah has taught me anything, it’s that girls are tough…  She’s quite the kid.  She needs you.  So does Katy.  She’s been tough, but there are times…  She gets such a lonely look in her eyes, not even Leah can wipe it away.  That’s the part that makes me angriest, Brother.  She’s a fine woman, and strong.  I know you think you were protecting her, but I don’t know about the cost.  She’s got a lot of love in her heart for you, but I don’t think that warms her on a lonely, cold night.  She needs you for that.  I suspect you need her too.  Maybe, just maybe, you need us too.   You’re just too damn stubborn to admit it.”

 

Nick lecture was disrupted by Jarrod’s knock at the door.  He had been eavesdropping, laughing, as he felt the same way.  “Care for company?”

 

“You’re not gonna make me leave?”

 

“No.  I figured maybe we could use a game of checkers.”

 

“Checkers?”

 

Jarrod chuckled softly.  “I don’t think any of us are up to chess.”

 

“Good idea.”

 

They set up the game.  Katy came in and joined them, sitting at her husband’s side, holding his hand and watching the game.   When Katy grabbed his hand, he was wrenched from his darkness.  Rather then open his eyes, he lay content, listening to the family life surrounding him.

 

A missed opportunity by Jarrod and the resulting whoop of joy from Nick; startled Heath enough to pull his eyes open.  It was brief, but Katy caught it.  She smiled, waiting for the right moment.  Several games over, Ellen collected Nick for the night.  Jarrod, seeing Katy’s countenance, decided she was looking for some time alone with her husband.  He moved to her side, wished her pleasant dreams and kissed her cheek.  Alone in the room, she softly stroked Heath’s cheek.

 

“My Love, how I’ve missed you.  I know you’re listening.  I saw your eyes open.  If you were Leah, faking like that, I’d pull you from bed and swat your behind.”  She stopped watching optimistically for a sign.  She knew better.  She knew better then anyone the poker face her husband could adopt at will.  She didn’t need to see his face.  She never had.  She knew him that well, to the depths of his soul.  “Heath, we tried it your way, now we try it mine.  I gave you your chance.  I upheld my end of the agreement, but I can’t do it anymore.  I love you.  I miss you.  I need you.  Leah’s getting older, she asks questions.  I don’t have answers.  She doesn’t understand.  She needs you.”

 

Tears fell from her eyes.  It had been so long since she had allowed herself the privilege of crying over her situation.  The wetness fell from her face on to his and his eyes opened, filled with both love and regret.  He moved his lips to speak, but she placed her finger on his lips, silencing them.  “No.  Don’t speak.  Just look at me with those eyes.”

 

Katy ended up sitting at his side all night.  No one wanted to disturb her.  They hadn’t known that Heath had woken.  They instinctually knew to leave the couple be.  Heath had been feigning sleep, but his body was still weak and they both slept.

 

Duke summoned Nick from the breakfast table.  The rest of the family discussed their plans for the day.  Ellen and Audra were going to ride to town, taking the children with, both for supplies and a break.  Nick returned, obviously troubled. 

 

“Um, I have to go out to the north range today.”

 

“What’s wrong?”  Jarrod knew it had to be big to take Nick away.

 

“Trouble.  Not exactly sure, looks like rustlers, but there have been some raids on houses too.”

 

“Is it bad?”  Victoria had seen her share of rustlers over the years.  She had learned long ago not to react.

 

“I dunno.  I don’t…  I don’t think we’ll be back tonight.”

 

Ellen took his arm.  “It’ll be alright.”

 

“But…”

 

“Nick, Brother Heath knows what it takes to run this ranch.  He’d understand.”

 

Nick kissed Ellen on the forehead.  “I’ll be home as soon as possible.  I’ll be taking men, but I’ll leave men here on guard too.  Just in case.”

 

“We’ll be ready this time.”  Jarrod’s voice was low, almost a growl.

 

“Jarrod, I didn’t mean…”

 

“I know what you meant, Nick.”  Jarrod’s retort was fierce. 

 

Late in the morning, Jarrod sat with Heath as Katy cleaned up and spent time with Leah, who refused to go to town.  No one had pushed her; she had been through a lot.  An armed guard had accompanied the troupe to town.  It had frightened Leah.  Katy, Leah and Victoria had a tea parlor in the garden, as Jarrod settled in next to Heath.  Katy had confided her observation to him.

 

“So, Brother Heath, it seems you’re playing a bit of possum.  I guess I don’t blame you.  I’ve been known to avoid this family as well.  Did you ever notice; it doesn’t work?  Not with the Barkleys.”  He sat quietly a few minutes, watching his brother for reaction.  “I figure this is partially my fault.”  He again waited, watching closely.  “I never told you about that night.  I couldn’t.  I’ve never told anyone.  I never wanted to until now.”  He stopped, left the room and returned a few minutes later with Katy.

 

“I need to tell you about that night.”

 

“No, Jarrod.  Don’t do that to yourself.”  Katy’s loving arms surrounded him.  For just a second, he allowed himself to believe it was Beth.  He pulled her to the bed.  She sat; preparing herself to hear a story, she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear. 

 

“Tim and JT had such a good time that day.  Even though they were exhausted, we let them stay up a bit later.  It had been a perfect day.  Beth was concerned, because she thought Tim felt a bit flushed at bedtime.”  He stopped, panic stricken. “If only I hadn’t talked her out of it.”  He looked at Katy, finding comfort in her expression.  “I told her it was just his exhaustion.  He’d be fine in the morning.  She fretted, but eventually I won.  GOD, why did I have to win that battle?”

 

“Heath won the same battle earlier.”

 

Jarrod looked at her, shocked.

 

“I thought he felt warm that morning.  I wanted to stay home.  Heath told me I was being overprotective.  We can’t blame ourselves Jarrod.  We just can’t.”

 

“I can.  If I had gone to fetch the doctor then, I could have avoided all this.  They would all still be alive.”  He looked at Heath, speaking only to him, in a whisper.  “See, it should have been me that left.”

 

Twenty-Five~

 

Nick and the men found tracks from the rustlers.  It was obvious they had been hit hard.  They sorted themselves into various jobs, some going to town for the sheriff, and others to neighboring ranches.  Wherever they were hiding, it couldn’t be too hard to find them.

 

~

 

“JARROD!  Don’t be ridiculous!”  Katy was stunned.  He hadn’t meant for her to hear his admission. 

 

Jarrod hadn’t slept the night before.  He had paced his room, flooded with both good and horrific memories.  Many had tried to loosen his lips about that night; he had long refused them.  What the family knew of that night had come from the doctor.  Jarrod assumed those memories were enough.  His eyes ached from the strain and he nervously wrung his hands.  Now he had started it; he knew he couldn’t go back.  His stomach now joined in the tension, churning with bile.  He had been watching Heath with a trained eye.  He had been studying his breathing habits and he knew Heath was awake.  Heath was good.  The slight skip in rhythm and lack of eye movement was his evidence. He glanced at Heath again out of the corner of his eye, before continuing.    

 

“If I had gone when Beth asked me to…”  He paused a moment.  “Before the boys went to bed, she asked me to fetch the doctor, I told her we needed to wait the night.  He’d be fine.  Maybe, maybe if I had gone then, I could have been home to prevent Clummer…”

 

“Jarrod, you mustn’t do this to yourself.  You had no idea.  You said it yourself, maybe.  We could maybe ourselves to death.  Maybe Heath and I shouldn’t have left for the evening.  Maybe we should have stayed home… Maybe Clummer could have burned the main house down?”  She paused to let her words sink in.  “Don’t do this Jarrod.”

 

“I have to.  I have to tell you about it.”  Receiving Katy’s nod, he continued.  “When Beth roused me, I tried again to talk her out of sending me, but then I too heard Tim’s cough, so I saddled Jingo and rode to town.  I woke Howard, so it took a few minutes for him to get his things together.  I hitched his buggy for him.  We didn’t rush to the house.  Even he didn’t feel it was too crucial to get there in all haste.”  Jarrod ran his hands through his hair.  “Oh GOD.  We talked about the church social.  We even speculated on when you two might have another child.  It was all so…”

 

“So, What Jarrod?”

 

“So pleasant.  I was having a social conversation, while my family and your son were burning to death.”

 

There was stunned silence in the room.  Katy drew in several long breaths to steady her nerves.  “Continue, please.”

 

“We saw the smoke, knowing it had to be our house, we rode hard.  When we got to the house, the bottom floor was in flames.  I tried running to the front door, but I was forced back.  Howard tried to stop me, but I had to try.  How could I not… I could hear them…  They were screaming for help.  Oh God.”  He shook his head slowly.  “Even little Tori’s screams could be heard…  She couldn’t talk, but she could scream.”

 

Katy allowed the silent tears to run down her face.  She had heard this story from Howard Merar.  She had insisted he tell her.  Howard had been able to relay the story from that of a witness.  Jarrod had dredged this memory from his heart.  He was telling her the story of his family’s destruction, one he had never truly recovered from.  She offered him respite.  “Jarrod, you don’t need to do this.”

 

He looked at her, the tears running down her face, matching his own.  “Yes, I do.  I need to talk about it.  I have shut it up for so long.  Please…”

 

“Of course.”

 

“I shoved Howard.”  He chuckled at the memory.  How many people had pushed Dr. Howard Merar?  “I shoved him out the way, grabbed a rug, doused it in water and tried again.  I got in the front parlor, but the stairs were ready to collapse.  All I could hear was Howard yelling at me to get out and the screams from upstairs.”  He broke down again, shoulders shaking.  Katy went to his side and engulfed him in her arms.

 

“One…  one of the boys…  God help me I don’t know who it was… He was crying…  PAPA!  PAPA!  PAPA…  God help me.  I couldn’t get to them.  My son, or maybe yours calling out for the man who had never failed them.  We convince our sons we can do anything.  We protect them and love them…  He was calling for his papa and I couldn’t get to him…” 

 

He continued, seemingly unaware of Katy’s comforting arms.  “To this day, sometimes I curse Howard.  He came in after me and pulled me out.”  His voice became very disjointed, as if not a part of him.  “There are mornings I wake up and curse him.  If he had left me inside, I could have died with them.  I have never thanked him.  I’m still not ready to.  Just as we reached the front yard, we heard a crashing window.  It was from the nursery.  We ran to the back of the house and saw Beth at the window.  She was holding Tori.  Tim and JT were clutching onto her robe.  They were all gasping for air.”

 

Jarrod again needed a break.  He sucked in giant gulps of air, trying to steady his nerves.  “Why did she open the window?”  Katy was about to answer, when Jarrod went on.  “The air.  The fresh air fueled the fire.  The flames spread across the ceiling right above their heads.”  He paused again.  “She looked up, saw the flames and then looked straight at me.  Our eyes met.  I knew what she was planning.  She was going to throw the children out the window.  I ran to the area, but before anything could happen, the ceiling caved in.”  Jarrod was silent as the dying screams of the people he loved echoed in his ears.  It was not something he could ever share.  There were no words to relate that horror, nor should anyone else have to suffer as he did. 

 

“I couldn’t help.  For the first time in my life, I couldn’t help.”

 

“Couldn’t help what, Jarrod?”

 

“You and Heath.  You lost your son.  I couldn’t save him and I did nothing to help with your grief.  I didn’t even care about you.”

 

“Jarrod, you had just lost your whole family, no one expected you…”

 

Jarrod cut her off.  “But, maybe if I had, Heath…”

 

“Heath, what?  Wouldn’t have left?  No Jarrod.  You had nothing to do with Heath’s leaving.”

 

“I disagree.  If I hadn’t been so absorbed in my own failings, Heath might not have felt his own guilt.”

 

“LORD GOD ALMIGHTY JARROD!  You’re not perfect.  How dare you think that you and you alone might have been enough to keep Heath here?  If I couldn’t do it, what makes you think you could have?  It makes no sense.  Why would you leave?”

 

“It never made any sense to me that Heath left.  Maybe if I had noticed something sooner?  Maybe if I had left?  Maybe if I had left, it wouldn’t have been a constant reminder to Heath.”

“Our son’s empty bed and grave were the constant reminder Jarrod.  Not you.”

 

“He left to spare us further pain in the future.  He was always worried about somebody else from his past coming out of the woodwork.  He couldn’t bare causing this family any more pain.”

 

“We never knew for sure it was someone from his past.  It could have easily been someone from mine.  I have made just as many people angry.”

 

“True.  But you grew up with the love and support of a family.  It’s something you and I take for granted on occasion.  Heath couldn’t.  It meant too much to him.  He didn’t want to face you.  If you had been able to look anyone in the eyes during those days, you would have seen that he couldn’t look you in the eyes.  He never blamed you.  Neither do I.”

 

“I couldn’t save them.  I could have done a hundred things different that night and they would all still be alive.  I let your son die.”

 

“I told you once and I ain’t gonna say it again, Pappy.  You did all you could.  You couldn’t have done anything different.  You doing any of those different things might have resulted in you being among the ashes.  I don’t cotton to that idea any better.”

 

Both Katy and Jarrod turned to the sound of the rough, scratchy voice from the bed.

 

“Heath!”

 

Ignoring their joy, Heath asked for water.  Katy assisted him in a long drink.  He was weak and slightly groggy, but no denying he had heard every word. 

 

“Welcome back, Little Brother.”  Jarrod was exhausted from the relaying of that night, but managed a small smile.  The effort had done what he hoped it would.  The previous night had been spent trying to determine a way to bring Heath back to them.  He had always known that he needed to share that night with Heath and Katy.  If the family was going to heal, it had to be done.  Somehow, he felt a bit better himself already.

 

Although he had kept his eyes closed during Jarrod’s account, he had now been awake for some time and he was tired, and yet he was compelled to remain awake.  “Why would you think of leaving Jarrod?  This is your home.”

 

“It’s yours too, Heath.  It always has been and it always will be.”  Jarrod raised an eyebrow, curious as to Heath’s response. 

 

“You’re wrong.  It hasn’t always been…”

 

Jarrod cut him off.  “Please don’t Heath.  We have been over this too many times.  Your youth is yours and if we could change it, we would have.  I am talking about the time since you came to us.  Remember those days?  You came to us.  We immediately saw in you a part of us.  How many times have Nick and I expressed to each other that there was no difference in our hearts.  We have always felt the kind of love for you that we felt for each other.”  Jarrod stopped, waiting for a response.  Katy sat quietly, praying her husband would respond.  Heath’s response was quiet, barely audible.

 

“What’s that?  I couldn’t hear you.”  Jarrod was pushing him now.

 

“I said; I’m tired.”

 

Jarrod laughed.  “I don’t think so.  What did you say, Heath?”

 

Heath made a small groan, but said nothing.

 

“I’m not leaving until you repeat what you said.”

 

Knowing Jarrod wouldn’t relent.  Heath decided he needed to let Jarrod have this battle.  Heath knew Jarrod hadn’t won the war.  “I said; I felt the same way.”

 

Jarrod was at once happy and devastated.  “Felt?”

 

Twenty Six~

 

“Felt, Jarrod.  I felt that way once.”  Heath hadn’t said much, but he was already exhausted.

 

“But you don’t feel that way anymore?”  Jarrod hated to push him, but he suddenly forgotten his own pain, wanting to push his brother.

 

“I’ve been gone seven years.  Things change.”

 

“No, not like that.  You don’t ever stop caring about the people you love.”  He paused a moment and assumed a prosecutorial stance.  “Is that what you would have us believe?  That you don’t love us anymore?”

 

Heath was at a loss for words.  Nothing that entered his brain made sense.  He couldn’t confront Jarrod.  It was too much.  His mind was still trying to relive the death of his son, again.  Katy noticed his distress.  “Heath, Darling?  You’ve been through a lot.  How about some broth and then some real sleep?”

 

Jarrod looked crossly at her, not wanting to let Heath off that easily.  “Katy!”

 

She cut him off with a look of her own.  “Jarrod, come help me.  You can tell the family he’s awake while I get him something to eat.”  She pulled his arm, leaving the room with him.

 

“Katy, why did you stop me?”

 

“Jarrod.  You know as well as I do, if you push him, he’ll shut down.”

 

“He was struggling.”

 

She squeezed his arm.  “And now we have left him alone to collect his thoughts.”

 

Jarrod shook his head.  “Katy, I see your logic, but I can’t help but believe we’re giving him time to develop another reason to leave.”

 

“Jarrod.”   She struggled for words that would be kind, yet, relay her point.  “We both lost so much that night, and I appreciate you sharing the story of that night with us just now.  But…”

 

Jarrod immediately saw where she was going and was shamed, remembering suddenly his own grief.  “Katy, I’m…”

 

She cut him off.  “No, Jarrod let me finish.”  She took in a deep breath.  “You have lived alone with these thoughts for so long, and although I needed to hear those words…  I can’t…”  Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes.

 

Jarrod pulled her into his arms, whispering in her hair.  “I’m sorry.  I…  I had to tell you.”

 

Katy pulled back.  “And we had to hear it.”  She took his face in her hands.  “But right now, I know all I can see is Tim’s face before my eyes.  I know I need time.  So does Heath.”  She arched her shoulders back, smiling at him full of love.  “You tell the family.  I’m gonna get some food into him.”

 

Katy spent time alone with Heath, as he slowly ate the broth.  They both chuckled at the ironic grin on his face as he witnessed the first spoon of broth.  “I suppose a steak is out of the question?”

 

“Show me you can keep this down, and we’ll see about steak tomorrow.”

 

They sat quietly, neither knowing exactly where to begin.  Finishing the entire bowl and two pieces of bread, Heath let out a long breath.  His exhaustion was obvious.  He settled his shoulders back into the pillows, Katy automatically pulled the covers up around him. 

 

“You need to rest.  It’s been a long day.”  She moved to rise, but he grabbed her hand.

 

“Stay with me a minute.”

 

She smiled warmly, love washing over her from the simple request.  “I’ll stay as long as you want.”  She ran her fingers through his hair, lulling him to sleep.  When it seemed his breathing had leveled off, she again moved to rise, but his hand still clutched hers.  Glancing at him, she saw the smile on his face.  He released her hand, patting the bed next to him.  Overwhelmed at the gesture, she moved quickly to the other side of the bed, settling herself next to him.

 

“It was hard today.  Are you ok?”  Heath’s voice was tender and warm.

 

“We all needed it.  Don’t you agree?”

 

“I guess.”  A lone tear escaped Heath’s closed eyes.  Not missed by Katy, who gazed intently at her husband.  “I still see his face and hear his laugh.  It hurts.”

 

Katy squeezed Heath’s hand, pulling it to her chest to rest above her beating heart.  “I do to.  I pray there’s never a day I don’t.”

 

 

It took everything Victoria had to keep the rest of the family away.  She herself had gone to see Heath, but seeing the relaxed couple within; she told the others they needed to leave them alone. 

 

“The morning will be soon enough, Nick.  Please relax.”  Victoria looked to Ellen for assistance with Heath.

 

“Mother is right, Nick.”  She had received the silent message.  “How about a walk with me in the garden.  The boys are both asleep.  We need to take advantage of this time.”

 

Nick could refuse Ellen nothing, offering her his arm and sweeping her out the door.  Jarrod had been suspiciously quiet all evening.  Victoria saw her chance to speak to him, when Audra went up to bed. 

 

“Jarrod?”

 

“Huh?  Yes, Mother?”

 

She smiled, thinking of him as a small boy.  In some ways he had not changed.  “As my oldest, I have had the privilege of knowing you longest.”

 

Jarrod smiled, feeling his mother’s love and wondering where she was going.  “And?”

 

“I have had the most experience in reading you.  How can I help?”

 

Attempting to discourage his mother, he wryly answered.  “I am in need of no help, Mother, but when I do, I shall certainly seek your counsel.”

 

She took his chin in her hand.  “Don’t fuss with me Jarrod.  Your tricks don’t work with me.”

 

Jarrod shook his head.  What a day it had been.  He must be tired, to think he could hide anything from the lovely lady, who stared intently at him.  “Just lost in the past I guess.”

 

“It’s a nice place, sometimes.”

 

“Yes it is.”

 

“It makes us feel warm and secure.”

 

“It certainly does.”

 

“It’s a wonderful place to visit.”

 

“But?”

 

“But it’s dangerous.  I know all to well how easy it is to stay there and forget the present.”

 

“That it is, Lovely Lady.”  He paused.  “I told Heath and Katy about that night.”

 

“How did they take it?”

 

“Katy said she was happy I told them.  That they needed to hear it.”

 

“It couldn’t have been easy for you.”

 

“I’ve been spending a lot of time in the past lately.”

 

“I know.”

 

“No, I mean, I’m not sure I ever left the past.”

 

Victoria inadvertently gasped.  She suddenly realized the depths of her son’s continued grief.  “And now?”

 

“I’m afraid.”

 

“Because?”

 

“If Heath leaves again, I don’t know if I will be able to leave the past.”

 

Victoria thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully.  “That’s unfair to Heath.  It is a heavy burden for him.”

 

Anger rose up in Jarrod.  “Don’t you think I know that?  I hate it.  I keep telling myself to move forward, but my feet… I…  I feel so…”

 

Victoria moved to the arm of the chair, taking her distraught son in her arms, attempting to soothe him as she had when he was a child.  “Jarrod, I can understand a bit of your loss, but no one, No One, will ever be able to truly understand what you feel, what you went through. But I do know this.  Only you can leave the past.  You know we love you and there is not a person in this family, Heath included, who would not help you in any way, but you have to want it.  You can’t place your future in the hands of Heath.  Whether he stays or not, you have to go on with your life.”

 

They were silent for some time.  Victoria knew he was considering his words.  Squeezing her hand, he spoke.

 

“How do I begin?”

 

She smiled.  “Are you sure you want to know?  It’s the hardest part.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“You have gone on with your life.  One might even suspect it was normal, except for one thing.”

 

“You’re going to make me drag this out of you aren’t you, Mother.”

 

She laughed softly.  “You have to trust.  You have to open your heart again.”

 

“Are you suggesting I just find a woman, give her my heart and start over again?  Forget about Beth, JT and Tori?”

 

“No.  And I resent your tone.  I told you it was the hardest part.  You have to be willing to try.  You have to risk your heart. Open your eyes, Son.  There is a beautiful world out there and you can be part of it.  Beth loved you for your heart.  She wouldn’t want you to close it off.”

 

Jarrod dropped his head, silent again.  “Will I ever be as wise as you?”

 

She smiled.  “One day, if you’re lucky.”  They laughed and bid good night.

 

~

 

“You’re getting so big!  Let me see those fingers!  By god, you got the hands of a rancher, Boy.  You’re gonna handle horses like a master.”  Nick’s words were rewarded with a coo and a gurgle.  “Don’t you listen to your ma…  Ya ain’t gonna be no violinist.”  He was quiet a moment, then added.  “Well, not unless you really want to.  Anything you want my boy, you got it.”

 

“That sure would be a sight.  You gussied up to watch your son on stage.  Think you’d be able to stay awake?”  Heath grinned mischievously at Nick, holding his son in his arms in the chair by his bed.

 

“Ah, what do you know?  Nice to see you awake.”

 

“That wasn’t your intent?  To wake me?”  Heath noticed that Katy was no longer at his side.  Nick saw him glancing that way.

 

“She and I both heard this one fussing.  She went to stretch her legs.  I told her we’d sit with you.  He doesn’t seem to want to sleep right now.”  A tiny arm breaking from its blanket and connecting with his father’s chin confirmed his statement.

 

“Boy Howdy, the kid’s a Barkley for sure.  He’s already hitting you.  Can’t wait ‘til he’s a teenager.”  Both men suddenly grew somber, each thinking of Tim and JT.

 

Staring into his son’s face, Nick broke the tension.  “I really wanted to talk to you the days my boys were born.  I got so scared.  I knew you would have understood.”

 

“You had Jarrod.”

 

“I know.  But I wanted you too.”

 

“I’m sorry.  I would have liked to have been there.”

 

Both men knew what that statement had cost Heath. 

 

“Care to meet your nephew?”

 

Heath attempted to reject the offer, but Nick was already placing the baby boy in his arms.  His arms moved instantly to the correct, familiar position.  He gazed into the boys face.  He favored Nick, including the hazel eyes and chin.  “He’s a fine boy.”

 

“Don’t ya want to know his name?”

 

It dawned on Heath that he hadn’t heard the baby’s name in all this time.  He felt the name come to him from somewhere inside.  “Thomas?”

 

“You’re part right.  We’re gonna call him Tom.”

 

Heath couldn’t explain why, but his breath stopped in his throat. 

 

“Heath.”

 

“Yeah?”  He assumed Nick wanted the baby back, moving to return the boy.

 

Nick waved him off.  “No, his name.  It’s Heath.  Heath Thomas Barkley.”

 

“What?”

 

“I decided on it long ago.  Back when you and Katy were arguing about it.  You were bound and determined not to have your son named after you…  I decided right then and there, my son would be.”

 

“But…”

 

“It didn’t matter.”

 

 

Twenty Seven~

 

A week passed.  It that time, Heath improved and Nick and the men managed to capture most of the rustlers.  A few got away, but the rest were being tried and would most likely hang.  Although Heath was allowed out of bed, his jaunts were generally limited to places in the large house and he was seldom alone.  Heath woke that morning very early.  Glancing at the clock near his bed, he confirmed his suspicions.  It was 4AM.  He knew this was the morning.  He also knew they watched him carefully.  He silently dressed and crept as if wind down the hall and out the kitchen door.  Not even Silas stirred yet.  Heath grabbed some biscuits from yesterday and stuffed them in his saddlebag.  He continued his escape to the stables, where Charger nickered at his arrival. 

 

Patting his noble friend on the neck, he spoke softly.  “I know, Old Friend.  I know.  It’s nice to get pampered, but it just ain’t the same.”

 

Heath moved slowly, his healing side hindered almost every step of the simple act of saddling his horse.  When he had finally finished, he led Charger to the open area.  He rested his head on the weathered leather a moment.  He took several deep breaths before attempting to mount.  It failed.  He took a moment to dwell bitterly on the age that had somehow swept through his body of recent years.  He certainly wasn’t the boy he had once been.  How often had he teased the ladies with his athletic spring into the saddle?  Katy had once told him, it was the only thing about his daily departures that she ever enjoyed.  He smiled at the memory.  Focusing on the energy the memory brought him, he mounted successfully and prepared to ride out.  Chargers muzzle was held before he could go far.

 

“Where the HELL do you think you’re going?” 

 

There was a darkness and anger in Nick’s eyes that both saddened and challenged Heath.  He knew immediately what Nick thought.  It was written all over his face.  For a moment, Heath thought with reason, but it quickly vanished.

 

“I said, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING?”

 

“No, Nick, you said.  “Where the HELL did I think I was going.”

 

“Don’t play games with me, BOY!”

 

“Boy?”

 

“You heard me!”

 

“Boy?  You still think you can call me ‘Boy’?”

 

“So long as you act like it, I ‘spect I can.”

 

“Let go, Nick!”

 

“Not until you tell me where you’re going.”

 

Heath wanted nothing more then to fight his brother at that moment.  He was infuriated at the loss of control over his own life.  It was his life to lead as he saw fit, no matter what the family thought or said.  He had always lived his life that way and it would never change.  It was the one good thing that had come out of his years away.  No one had challenged him.  No one told him his feelings were wrong or needed to be altered.  He wasn’t forced to live their conventions and do as the Barkley’s would do.  He had felt himself, with a huge chunk missing of course, but himself none-the-less.   As time froze, he debated himself.  Was the freedom to be who he wanted to be, worth the loss of a family that he loved?  He had at one time fought hard to belong.  Now he fought to leave and they fought to keep him.  He arrived at his decision.  For the time being, he would try it their way again. 

 

Heath’s voice softened.  “Come with me.”

 

Nick was confused.  “What?  You want me to leave with you?  No WAY!  I don’t run out on my family.  I…”  It was then that he looked at Heath’s face and saw the lopsided grin he knew and loved.  “Um, where we going?”

 

“Katy’s Ridge.  I been cooped up far too long.  I need a sunrise.”

 

Nick thought a moment.  “Mother’ll kill us.”

 

“Only if Katy leaves anything left of us.”

 

“I’ll hurry.”

 

“You do that, Brother.”

 

Katy, although longing to sleep next to her husband, instead slept in Leah’s room, in deference to his sickness.  Now that he was on the road to recovery, she returned to more normal routines.  She woke each morning, freshened up and went directly to Heath’s room.  She would wake him with a kiss and they would chat briefly over the day’s plans.  She was not so naïve as to think he was not awake before her arrival, but she enjoyed their little game. 

 

Her heart sank when she found Heath’s empty bed.  “No, No, No!”  Tears flooded her eyes.  She was sure he wouldn’t do this to her again.  They had even spoken briefly of it.  He had promised, that if he felt the need to leave, Leah and Katy would go with him.  They could start a new life together as a family.  As she recalled that moment, her fears settled and nerves calmed.  No, there was another explanation.  She gazed again at his bed and saw a small white paper on the pillow.  It was Heath’s scrawl.  He didn’t like to write, he could of course, but his script betrayed his lack of education and practice as a child.  Whenever he wrote for business, he always took his time.  This was written naturally. 

 

            Needed the sunrise on my face.  Be home for breakfast!  Love, Heath

 

“Heath would you like to join us for break…”  Victoria’s voice faded as she noted Katy alone in the room.  “Where?”

 

“Riding”

 

“Riding?  He’s not fit to be walking alone, much less riding.”

 

“He needed a change of scenery.”  Katy’s voice was calm.

 

“Typical of him.”  Victoria returned Katy’s smile.

 

“Wonder which one of us will get him first?”  Katy’s smile grew wry. 

 

“I think we both deserve the honor.”

 

“Agreed.”

 

Nick attempted to sneak Heath in the back door, but it failed.  Victoria cornered them.  At breakfast, Katy got in her licks.  The banter and camaraderie warmed the table for all.

 

Audra, much to everyone’s delight, discovered she was again with child.  After a long walk with Heath, she and her family packed up, heading home.  Victoria promised to come when her time neared.  The house was returning to normal.  As each day passed, another walk or ride was taken and soon all had had their say with Heath.  None had elicited a promise to stay, but they sensed his happiness at being home. 

 

Routines of old were put in action again and life progressed, almost as if nothing had ever happened.  Jarrod resumed taking Leah to school, where he met her new teacher, Diana Ryder.  The smile and friendly greetings gradually led to a dinner invitation and the family rejoiced in Jarrod’s new grasp on life. 

 

Heath watched Jarrod and Leah ride off each morning, wondering if it shouldn’t be him instead, but he allowed logic to take hold.  Jarrod’s office was in town, it made sense for him to bring her.  Heath made up for it by picking Leah up as often as possible.  They enjoyed their rides home, strengthening their bonds as father and daughter.  All was not perfect though.  There had been several other instances when jealousies flared and dynamics were tested, most small.  Leah would ask Jarrod to read her stories or help with her homework.  She would play checkers or tag with Nick.  Time she spent with her father caused both Jarrod and Nick to have pangs of loneliness in moments of weakness.  They all knew it was silly, and yet it hurt. 

 

Heath gave Leah a pony.  He spent a lot of time with her teaching her to ride and care for it.  Nick had scoffed at the idea, stating she was too young for such a responsibility.  He had even gone so far as to accuse Heath of trying to buy her love and then apologized immediately.  Katy was less resistant, but still nervous, siding with her husband.  One day as Leah rode her pony without permission, she fell off.  Tears streaming down her face, she ran into the house, calling not for her father, but for her uncle Nick.  Nick held the distraught girl in his arms, soothing her fears and checking for injuries at the same time.  Heath’s eyes flashed with emotion.  He longed to be the one to which she would run.  As the family focused on her, he slipped out of the room, pouring himself a drink in the study.

 

“It was nothing more then instinct.”  Jarrod had feared a moment such as this.

 

“Instinct?  To run to her uncle?”

“She’s done that for most of her life.  You can’t expect it to change overnight.”

 

“Nope, I can’t blame her one bit.  You and Nick did a wonderful job raising her.”

 

“Heath.  You need to understand one thing.  After you left and Leah was born, Nick and I vowed to be there for her, but only in ways that you would have wanted.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“We talked at great length about how you would handle various situations.  We either used what we had seen with Tim or what we expect you would have done.  Leah will realize that in time.”

 

“Time, huh?”

 

“Yes, Time.  Will you give it to us?”

 

“I told you I would.  How often do we have to have this discussion?”

 

 Twenty Eight~

 

Heath had promised the family only time.  He found his heart opening to his family again.  He looked forward to long days at Nick’s side, dinners with the whole family and evenings with his wife snuggled at his side.  It had become his custom to watch Leah as she slept, in his mind, trying to capture all the years he had missed.  Katy would come, take his arm and pull him into their bedroom.  It hadn’t taken them long to make up for lost time.  The pure love they found in each other’s arms was inspiring to both. 

 

Heath had watched her closely for weeks during his recovery, trying to determine the right sign.  The sign that would indicate she was interested in a more full return to married life.  He knew it was ridiculous to expect that could just take up where they left off in their marriage.  He made small attempts to woo his wife.  There were picnics, flowers and tokens of affection.  She responded to each small step with relish. 

 

One evening, she sat at the desk in their room writing a letter.  She was wearing an ivory silk and lace dressing gown.  Heath recognized it from their honeymoon.  It had long been her favorite.  She took great care to preserve it over the years.  He watched her as she wrote.  Her hair left loose, fell over her shoulder and spilled down her front, covering the object of his desires.  He could bear it no more.  Each night she lay next to him, her scent driving him wild with passion.  He prayed she shared his desire and that night he would tempt fate. 

 

He knelt along side her, gently pulling her hair back from her face and across her shoulder.  “Who ya writin’ to?”  His voice was low and soft.

 

Hearing the desire in his voice, she opted to tease him.  It was the least she could do after spending far too many nights alone with her own passions unsated.  “My aunt.”

 

“Hmmm…  She’s not dead yet?”  He leaned in to nuzzle her neck and let his warm breath stroke her flesh. 

 

“Not hardly.  Mine live forever, Heath.  I tol’ ya that long ago.”  She willed her head to stay erect.

 

“Mmmmm…  Good for her.”  He nibbled at her ear lobe and slowly pulled the collar of her gown down over her shoulder, revealing a sheer gown with extremely thin straps.  “You tell her about me?”

 

“Of course.  She’ll be happy to know you’ve returned.”

 

He let his lips stray down her neck, to her collarbone and beyond.  “What about you?”

 

It was getting very hard to stand her ground.  She longed to turn into his ministrations and apply a few of her own, but she resisted.  “What about me?”

 

He again dragged his hand across her shoulder, this time catching the thin strap.  Her gown fell, revealing his desired target.  He alternated between kisses and hot little puffs of breath as he made his way to his target, finally capturing it in his mouth.  It wasn’t long before Katy could stand no more and expressed the moans caught low in her throat for too long.  The husky gasps of pleasure spurred Heath on.  Hoping to prolong the pleasure, he interrupted to ask again.  “Are you happy to have me home?”

 

She turned to him, offered a passionate smile, and answered.  “Hmmm…  I’m not sure just yet.  How about you keep trying convince me and I’ll let you know in the morning?”

 

“Boy Howdy!  That’s about the best deal I can hope to get, huh?”

 

“You got to earn it, Cowboy.”

 

“I sure do plan to, Ma’am.  I plan to.” 

 

It had been a joyous reunion, replicated on many evenings since then.  Heath found himself settling into the role of husband and father easily.  So easily, he wondered how he had ever been away from them.  Still, there were times when it seemed the family was closing in around him.  He’d been home a month and had still not attended anything social outside the family.  He wasn’t ready to face the Stockton populace.  He knew from overhearing the men, that his return was the talk of the town.  He also noted, there hadn’t been a lot of social invitations for anyone in the family.  Everyone sidestepped the issue and made excuses. 

 

It was almost as if his return had taken him back to square one in town.  No, it was worse.  He couldn’t even find square one.    He had to fight his way back in with both the men and the citizens.  Except, it didn’t seem to work.  They had long memories, but not of good things.  All they saw was a man who had been taken in and given a home and then turned his back on all they offered him.  They would never take the time to understand his reasons.  They simply didn’t care.  They wanted to spurn him.  He wondered if these same feelings lay buried deep within his family as well. 

 

The only one he could share his feelings with was Katy.  She did her best to dispel his worries and calm his fears, but deep in her own heart, she knew he was right.  He would never again be able to gain his former position in town.  A position he had fought so hard to attain.  They talked and planned.  Each night, the plan took clearer form.  Despite the love he had for the Barkleys, they would leave, this time, in the open with their blessing.  They need only determine how to get it. 

 

Nick had finally managed to convince Heath to join him on a trip to town.  Nick wanted both to check with the sheriff on the hanging date of the rustlers and get a cold beer.  After visiting the sheriff and heeding the usual warning about the rest of the gang still on the loose, they went to the bar.  Many greeted Nick as they entered the bar.  Heath recognized many familiar faces, but received nothing more then a nod or two.  He concentrated on an enjoyable drink with his brother. 

 

“So, you gonna come to the hanging?”  Nick took a long drink of his draft before asking.

 

“Don’t spect there’s any reason to.  You caught ‘em.”

 

“I never did cotton to watchin’ a man die.”

 

“Seen enough of it myself to last me.”

 

They continued to chat and drink, relaxing after a hard day.

 

“Tim?  Tim Carson?”

 

Heath and Nick ignored the man calling out.  It took a moment for Heath to realize the man was talking to him.  “Huh?”  Heath knew the man, but couldn’t think of his name. 

 

The younger man approached.  “Tim?  How ya doing?  Ya workin’ up here?  Think your boss would hire me on?  Could ya put in a good word for me?”

 

“Whoa…  Hold up there, ah?”

 

The younger man laughed.  “Guess when all you did was call me kid, it doesn’t leave a name for you to remember.  Hank Nichols.”

 

“You’re right, Kid.  Nice to see ya.  Why’d ya leave?”

 

“Old man hit some hard times and he let a bunch of us go.  Times are tight.”

 

“That’s for sure.”  Nick interrupted in order to remind the men of his presence.  “Whatcha do?”

 

“Anything a man needs doing.”  He paused, eyeing Nick up and down.  “Say, you ain’t the boss are ya?”

 

Nick winked at Heath.  “Nope, he is.”

 

“Nick…”  Heath saw the confused look on Hank’s face.  “Ya see, Hank, um…”

 

“The name’s Barkley.  Mine’s Nick, his is Heath.” 

 

“Heath Barkley?” 

 

“Yeah, ya see…”

 

“Don’t matter none to me.  Name don’t change a man, I figure.  But it doesn’t change my question.  Can ya use some help?”

 

Nick and Heath looked at each other.  “Sure can.  Head on out to the ranch.”

 

When Hank had left.  Heath confirmed for Nick that he was a good kid.  He slacked every now and again, but overall he was a good worker. 

 

“No need to defend yourself, Little Brother.  We can use a good man.”

 

“I know, but…”

 

“No buts!  You are just as much a part of the ranch as I am.  I wish you’d get that through your skull.”

 

“Nick, I been gone a long time.”

 

“I know and I ain’t wasting anymore time.”

 

“Nick.  Katy and I have been talking.”

 

“Bout what?”

 

“We’re thinking of building a place of our own.”

 

“Well, as much as I would miss ya at the house, there are some great spots.  Hell, it’ll be fun.  We can even get Jarrod to help us build it.”

 

Heath knew Nick didn’t understand, but decided not to force the issue just yet.  He told Katy what happened later that evening. 

 

“You didn’t come right out and tell him we were leaving.  Of course he didn’t understand.”

 

“It ain’t gonna work.  They’re never gonna let us go.”

 

“Heath, we just need to give it time.”

 

“Time?  Why is it everyone keeps asking for time?  When is time up?”

 

Twenty Nine~

 

Heath tried valiantly to fight the morass that threatened him daily.  He hadn’t brought up the subject of the “house” with Nick.  He couldn’t.  Another month had passed and by all outward appearances, life at the Barkley manor had returned to normal.  Even the community had begun to slowly warm to Heath’s return, not that he gave them many opportunities.  He preferred to spare his free time with Katy and Leah.   

 

In an attempt to get to know his daughter, they had set up official “date days.”  Once a week, they would go off for time alone.  Sometimes they went riding, sometimes a picnic, sometimes she insisted on playing dolls.   Although he dreaded the latter, he played along nonetheless.  He cherished every moment with her and used the time to memorize her features and mannerisms.    He had to admit, she had his eyes and nose, but the rest of her was all Katy.  He also saw the family’s influence.  She worshipped books and logic problems.  Even at her young age she was tenacious.  She could spend long periods of time trying to figure out a problem posed by her Uncle Jarrod, finally rejoicing with him when she solved it.  From her grandmother, she practiced patience and the qualities of a lady.  She also worshipped nature and the ways of the ranch with her Uncle Nick.  Tears would threaten to fall if she was told to remain at home and a voice like her uncle would soon follow.  A great day for her was tallying the heard.  Heath often wondered if she wouldn’t grow up and take over the ranch.  Heath knew that naturally Nick’s sons would most likely receive the ranch.  It fueled his passion to have a spread of his own. 

 

He risked the topic with Leah one day as they fished.  “Love?”

 

“Shsh!  Papa, you’ll scare the fish away.”

 

Heath chuckled at the reprimand in light of the five fish strung on her line already.  He hadn’t had as much success, as despite her tough exterior; she refused to bait her own hook.  He spent his time getting her ready.  “I don’t think I’ll scare ‘em off.  They seem more then willing to jump outta the water for you.”

 

She giggled.  “Oh, Papa.  You’re silly.”

 

He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.  “What would you think of moving out of the big house?”

 

Leah found the suggestion ludicrous.  “Why would we wanna do that?”

 

“Well, your ma and I have been talking.  We thought we might like a place of our own.”

 

“But the house is yours too.”

 

“Yes, it is.  But we just kinda thought maybe you’d like a yard of your own.  Ya know, you wouldn’t have to fight with Ben all the time.”

 

Leah’s eyes expressed her confusion.  “I don’t fight with Ben all the time.  Only when he don’t give me my way.”

 

Heath chuckled.  “You could decorate your room how you like.”

 

“But Gran and I decorated my room…”  Large tears formed in her eyes and Heath immediately regretted his decision to ask her.

 

“Hey now, Love.  No need to cry.  It’s ok.”  He tried to pull her close again, but she pulled back.

 

“Papa?  You ain’t gonna go again, are ya?”

 

“What?”

 

“Will you stay if I move to the new house?  I promise I will and I won’t complain at all.  Just say you’ll stay!”

 

“Oh, Leah.”  Despite her angst, he chose his words carefully.  “I’m never gonna leave you.  I promise.”

 

Relieved by her father’s words, she settled into his arms, content to absorb his love.  He considered what had just happened.  He wondered if it wasn’t a sign that he needed to just buck up and accept his fate.  Since he felt he had caused his daughter enough grief, he didn’t want to add to it.  A small part of him died that day fishing with his daughter.  There was no escape.  He would have to stay and live with the fear of what might come each day. 

 

He didn’t need to wait long for the topic to come up again.  Nick announced a prime location for a house that evening after dinner in the study.  Ellen was up putting Ben back to bed after a nightmare.

 

“Heath, Katy.  I found a great location for your house.” 

 

Heath was so stunned that his billiard shot went astray and Jarrod had to jump out of the way to avoid being hit.  “What?”

 

Katy soothed the oversight.  “What location, Nick?”

 

“What house?”  Jarrod was more interested in the back-story.

 

Nick answered, as both Katy and Heath seemed tongue-tied.  “Well, as much as I’d miss his mug at breakfast every morning, Heath and Katy are gonna build a house of their own.”

 

“Really?”  Victoria finally spoke.

 

“Well, uh…  We were thinkin’ about it, but we had decided.”

 

Jarrod and Victoria both knew that Nick was so willing, as he hoped it would be the compromise that would keep Heath home. They knew it, as they both had the same thoughts.

 

“Tell them the truth, Heath.”  Katy’s voice was quite, yet powerful.

 

“Truth, Heath?”  Nick’s voice relayed the confusion they all felt.  “What truth?”

 

It was Jarrod’s trembling voice that frightened them all.  “You’re leaving.”

 

“I…”

 

Nick turned to storm from the room, feeling angry and betrayed, but Victoria’s voice froze him in his tracks.  “Stay, Nicholas.  You must hear them out.”

 

“Stay?  Hear them out?  WHY?  He never hears what we say.  I got no need for his selfish antics.”  He had a sudden idea and turned to Jarrod.  “He can’t take Katy and Leah with him.  He can go alone.  He don’t deserve them.  He can't tear them away from their home” 

 

“NICK!”  Katy expressed the anger all felt.  “We are a family.  Now calm DOWN!”

 

Nick realized he had been rash, trying to make amends.  “I can’t lose ya again.  What do we have to do?”

 

Heath had been patiently watching the events unfold.  “There’s nothing you can do.  It’s me.”  He then lost his words.

 

Jarrod attempted to clarify the situation.  “Heath, years ago, in your note, you said that you just couldn’t bear the pain you brought the family any more, that you loved us too much.  You said you had to try it your way.  We gave you that chance.”

 

Nick cut him off.  “We had no idea it would take so long to get through that thick skull of yours how wrong you were.”

 

Jarrod shot him a sharp look, silencing him and continued.  “I would have thought you had seen it was a mistake.”

 

“I did.”

 

“WHAT?  Then how can you talk of leaving?” 

 

“It’s not the same this time.”

 

“What did we do now?”  Nick’s heart was breaking and his mouth conveyed it.

 

“Nothing!  Nick.  You all took me in and gave me a home and family.  I never wanted anything more in my life.”

 

“But now you want to leave us?”

 

“NO.  I don’t want to.  I…  I want something of my own.”

 

Nick was speechless.  Jarrod voiced their question.  “What is it you want?”

 

“When I was gone, there was this spread over near Lake Tahoe…”

“Lake TAHOE?”

 

Victoria spoke.  “I think what Nick is trying to say is, couldn’t you perhaps consider something closer?”

 

“I suppose.  But, I kinda had my heart set on this place.”

 

“I see.”  Victoria paused a moment.  “When will you go?”

 

“Mother!  You can’t mean you’re condoning this?”

 

“Yes, Nick, I am.  Every man has to find his way.  Heath was never comfortable with us handing him things.”

 

Heath smiled at her.  Deep in his heart, he knew she would understand, but he saw the pain in Nick’s face and the sorrow in Jarrod’s.  “Nothing’s definite.”

 

Katy added.  “We don’t even know if the land is still available.”

 

“You’re sure this is what you want?”  Jarrod had assumed the role of lawyer.

 

Heath looked at Katy and nodded.

 

“And you’re sure of the reasons why?”

 

Heath didn’t answer.

 

Thirty~

 

“Brother Heath?  Are you sure you know what it is you want?”  Jarrod hadn’t let up when confronted with Heath’s silence. 

 

It was Katy who rescued her husband.  “We’ve made no decisions.  We just think it might be nice to start over.  Have a place of our own.”

 

“We?”  Nick cut Jarrod off.  “You agree with him?  You want to leave us?  I thought we were a family.  Leah…”

 

“Nick, he’s my husband.  I love him and I understand him.  I want what he wants.  It isn’t unusual for a son to leave home and make his own mark.  Your own father did so.”

 

Everyone was silent, considering her words.  “It ain’t the same.”

 

“Why not?”  Heath’s quiet voice filled the room.

 

Nick stuttered.  “Because, it ain’t.”

 

Jarrod stated what Nick could not.  “Perhaps we thought that since you had fought your way into this family and fought to help sustain it, it might have met those needs.”

 

“Nothing’s been decided.  I’ve had a long day.  I’m gonna turn in.”  Heath left the room abruptly, followed closely by Katy.  Nick started after them, but was stopped by Victoria’s hand on his arm.

 

“Mother, let me go.  We have to talk him through this.”

 

“Nick, don’t do this.  The more you push, the more he will want to go.”

 

“We ain’t been pushing so far, and he’s looking to leave.  I think its time we start pushing.”

 

“No.  We can’t stop him.  We can only support him.”

 

“Support him?  He’s gonna leave and this time take Katy and Leah with him.”

 

Jarrod had been silent, trying to absorb all that had happened.  “Nick, she’s right.”

 

“Not you too, Jarrod.”

 

“If there was something you really wanted, would you want our help or would you want us to fight you?”

 

“If it was a bad idea, I would expect you to fight me until it got through my thick skull.”

 

Both Jarrod and Victoria chuckled at Nick’s statement.  Realizing what he said, he laughed as well.  The relaxation in tension did them all some good.

 

“Why is it a bad idea?”

 

“Because he belongs here with us!”

 

“Why, Nick?”  Victoria’s question puzzled Nick. 

 

“He fought to get in to this family.  How can you think of letting him out of it?”

 

“No, he fought to belong to the family.  He never cared about the material things that went with the Barkley name.  He wanted the name and the family.  He wanted the love.  Will you love him any less if he makes his own place in the world?  Will he be any less your brother?”

 

No one could argue with her logic.  Jarrod smiled at her.  As always, his mother could see the perspectives of others and could apply her wisdom.  He hoped one day; he would be as wise.

 

“He’s tired.”  No one had noticed Katy return.

 

“He fall fast asleep already?  Dreaming of his new ranch?” 

 

“No.  He went out to the corrals.  He’s tired in general.  He’s confused.  There’s a part of him that missed the anonymity he lived with all those years.  It was easier.  He didn’t have to be Heath Barkley, illegitimate son of Thomas Barkley…  Bastard of Strawberry…  Survivor of Carterson…  Bringer of pain…”

 

“Katy!  No!”  Her words shocked even Victoria.

 

“You’re saying he wants to give up the family?”  Jarrod was more worried then ever.

 

“No.  He just wants a day without worry.  He loves you all.  It’s the only reason he hasn’t left yet.”

 

Katy moved to face Nick.  She took his hands in hers and looked right into his eyes.  “Nick.  I believe Heath will stay.  I think he just needs time, but we might go.  I need you to understand, it is nothing any of you have done wrong.  It is something deep within him.  He does love you.  He just doesn’t know if that is enough right now.”

 

“So he’s miserable?”

 

“No.  Just lost.”

 

“Can we find him?”

 

“I hope so.”

 

The next morning, the family was quiet at breakfast.  Only Ben and Leah chatted on about various topics.  Heath broke the tension.  “Katy and I thought we might get a way for a couple weeks.”

 

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.”  Victoria offered them a genuine smile.

 

No one noticed Leah’s terrified expression, until Ben teased her about the tears streaming down her face.

 

“Leah?  Are you alright?”  Katy was concerned for her daughter.

 

Between giant gulps of air, as she struggled to control her emotions, she exclaimed.  “What about me?”

 

“Well, Love.  You can certainly come.  We meant to ask you.  We just weren’t sure if you wanted to leave the ranch just now.”  Heath felt badly, he hadn’t realized Leah would be quite that upset.  He rose from his seat and placed his arms around her to comfort her.    “Whatcha think; wanna come camping with your ma and I?” 

 

Leah offered her father a smile, but before she could answer, Nick cut in.  “Naw!  Leah wants to stay here and help me run the ranch.  Her ma and pa have earned some time alone, don’t ya think?”  No one would ever know if he broke in to use Leah as a key to Heath’s return or if he sincerely felt Heath and Katy needed time alone.  No one ever dared question him either.

 

Leah was confused.  She was suddenly afraid of hurting the people she loved with her decision.  “I dunno.”

 

“It’s all right, Sweetheart.  You don’t have to decide right now.”  Katy also moved to her side. 

 

She faced her father and in a voice barely above a whisper asked.  “You will come back, right?”

 

He nodded.  “I’m never leaving you again, Love.  Never.”

 

That same morning, a lone man strolled among the simple markers on boot hill, just outside Stockton.  He finally stopped in front of the marker he sought.  The only indication of the man that had once lived, were two words, Clark and Rustling, and the year.

 

“I’m sorry, Big Brother.  I tried to get back, I really did.  I caught me a slug in my shoulder and I couldn’t make it in time.  You didn’t deserve this.  They had no right to hang you.  I should have gotten you out.”  He was silent for a long time.

 

“Damn him.  Damn him.  Don’t worry.  He’s gonna die.”

 

Leah opted not to go with her parents after a long conversation with them.  They helped her understand that they would never leave her and that sometimes mommies and daddies liked to have some time alone.   Three days later they had loaded a wagon and set out.  Emotions and tension were running high at their departure.

 

“Papa!  Here’s your fishing pole.”

 

“Well, thanks, Love.  Good thing you remembered, or your ma might have gone hungry.”

 

“Don’t catch all the fish in that lake, Papa.  Leave some for when I get there.”

 

Jarrod caught Leah’s comment, as he handed Heath a box.  “You going with your parents now, Leahloo?”  Heath turned away, not hearing their conversation.

 

“Not yet.  They promised, once they get set up, I’d get to come.  They ain’t leaving me…  They’re just getting some ‘lone time.  Do you need ‘lone time, Uncle Jarrod?”

 

“Um, sometimes, Leahloo, sometimes.”

 

“Papa says I gotta stay and make sure Uncle Nick behaves himself.”

 

“That’s a big job, but I suspect you are just the girl to do it.”

 

She laughed.  “Oh, Uncle Jarrod.  I tol’ him I’m better at bossin’ Ben and Baby Heath.”

 

Victoria, Ellen and Katy fussed with food and bedding supplies.  Nick finally arrived at the scene, hoping to avoid it as long as possible.  Jarrod, saddened at Leah’s words, mechanically loaded supplies.

 

“Sure looks like you’re packing for longer then two weeks.”  No one missed the tone in Nick’s voice.

 

“Ya never know what the weather will bring this time of year.  Don’t hurt to be prepared.”  Heath clapped Nick on the shoulder, hoping to offer him some relief. 

 

“You haven’t even told us where you’re going.”

 

Heath knew he couldn’t evade the issue any longer.  “We’re going over to Lake Tahoe.”

 

Nick paled, but said nothing.

 

Heath and Katy set a grueling pace for themselves.  Pushing themselves and the team, it would be a five-day ride out, barring no complications.  After three days underway, they wired home, extending their trip another week. 

 

They used the time to cherish each other’s company.  They spent long hours talking, relating stories of the time away and more time in simple silence, enjoying the feel of each other side by side.  When they finally arrived at the rugged spot near on the shores of Lake Tahoe, Katy was speechless.

 

“I can’t believe you left.”

 

“It sure is perty.  But it can’t hold a candle to my wife.  I kept thinking of how much you’d love it.  I couldn’t stay.”

 

Katy moved to his arms and he captured her lips with his own.  They stood there, arm in arm, surrounded by natures majesty and engulfed with love.  As the sun began to set, they stopped long enough to light a fire and do some initial unpacking.  There was a small two-room cabin, whose main room overlooked the lake before them.  Despite the chill in the air, they opted to sleep out under the stars. 

 

Rising early in the morning, they set about cleaning up the cabin.  Heath noticed there was more damage then when he had been there before.  He spent most of the morning fixing holes in the roof.  The afternoon was spent restringing the ropes on the bed.  By evening, the cabin was presentable and they had unloaded the wagon load of supplies. 

 

“Nick’s right.  We brought enough stuff to last us a month.”

 

“Don’t get any idea’s, Mister.  I miss our daughter already.”

 

He smiled.  “Me, too.”

 

“What do you think she’s doing now?”

 

“That’s easy, whipping Nick at checkers.  What’s he gonna do when Ben starts beatin’ him too?”

 

She laughed.  “She’s already after Jarrod to teach her to play pool.”

 

“What are we in for?”

 

“I have no idea.”  She grew serious for a moment.  “I’m just glad you’re here with me to deal with it.”

 

“I was wrong to leave you.  I’ll never leave you again.”

 

“What about the rest of the family?”

 

“Can’t we just enjoy the time here for a while?  I’m not ready to think about the future.”

 

“They love you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I love you.”

 

He flashed her his famous and irresistible lopsided grin.  “Really?”

 

She played his game.  “Really.”

 

“Now, I ain’t to sure I believe you.”

 

“I suppose you need me to show you?”

 

“Might help.”  The grin on his face revealed his intentions and Katy matched his with one of her own.

 

Thirty One~

 

Jarrod seemed a bit down.  Nick noticed, but assumed he was the only one.  After the wire from Heath and Katy came, extending their trip, he grew even more sullen.  Nick finally decided to confront him during a game of chess, after the ladies had retired for the night.

 

“So, fess up, Big Brother.  What’s on your mind?”

 

“What?  What makes you think something’s wrong?”

 

“First of all, I didn’t say something was wrong, you just did.  And secondly, I’m beating you at chess.”

 

Jarrod found a small chuckle growing from deep within.  “Touche, Brother Nick.  Touche.”

 

“So, out with it.”

 

Jarrod sipped his drink, swirling the amber liquid in the glass, considering his words.  “I’m scared.”

 

“About?”

 

“Heath”

 

“You know something I don’t?”

 

“It’s silly, really.  Something Leah said.”

 

“And?”

 

“She said her ma and pa were coming back to bring her out.”

 

Nick immediately understood Jarrod’s concern.  “And then they extended their trip.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Maybe gonna build a house?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

They were silent for some time.  Each lost in his own thoughts.  Finally Jarrod spoke.  “I know I should understand his reasons, but…”

 

“You just don’t want them to leave.”

 

“I don’t.  It was hard enough when he was gone…”

 

“You don’t want to go through it again.”

 

“Precisely!”

 

“At least we’d know where they were.  We could visit.”

 

Jarrod eyed his younger brother, exasperated.  “You sound like you’re ok with this.”

 

It riled Nick.  “I sure ain’t happy about it, but, well.  He knows how we feel and if this is what he really wants, then…  I gotta support him.”  He looked at Jarrod’s stunned face, reaching out to pat his arm.  “Don’t worry.  Give it enough time, and you’ll come around.”  Nick stretched back in his chair.  “I wonder if Ellen’s still awake?”

 

Jarrod smiled.  “By all means, you should go find out.”

 

Nick sprang from his chair, but stopped at the door.  “You should keep seeing Diana.  I like her and she’s good for you.”

 

“Really?  Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret.”  He paused.  “I like her too, and I intend to.”

 

~

 

Heath wrapped the blanket around them both, as Katy held his coffee.  They sat on the stairs to the tiny cabin watching the sunrise. 

 

“Mmm!  Much better.”  She sipped at her own coffee.

 

“It’s like a slice of heaven on earth.”

 

“Peaceful.  I could almost forget the rest of the world.”

 

“Kinda nice, huh?”

 

“Very.  Except, you know Leah’s going to liven things up when she gets here.”

 

“Counting on it.”

 

Katy  smiled mirthfully at him.  “Am I not enough for your attentions?”

 

He leaned in and kissed her deeply.  “Certainly, but…”

 

“But you miss her?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Me, too.”

 

“I figure we need to getting home.”

 

“Home?”  Her eyes blazed with the true unspoken question.

 

~

 

The Barkleys were enjoying a Sunday picnic along the river.  Jarrod had invited Diana and all were having a good time.  Late in the day, lunch long eaten, Jarrod and Nick were playing tag with the children, while the women doted over baby Heath.  Nick stopped chasing Leah long enough to point Jarrod in the direction of the women.  Diana had just scooped Heath into her arms. 

 

“Look like your future?”

 

Jarrod swatted him on the arm, but lingered over the view, until Ben tried tackling him from behind.  He swept his nephew into his arms and began tickling him with no mercy.  The boy’s giggles filled the air.  They were so caught up in their perfect world; they didn’t hear the horses arriving at the scene. 

 

Victoria was the first to notice the four men riding in to their location.  She tapped Ellen’s arm.  Diana saw them as well and handed the baby back to Ellen as she rose to get the men.  The approaching riders had drawn their weapons before either Jarrod or Nick could release the child they each held and draw their own. 

 

“Don’t even try, Barkley.  We’ll kill the women first.”

 

“What do you want?”  Jarrod intended to keep everyone cool.

 

“Not much.  Just gonna hang your brother.”

 

“What?  Why?”

 

“We ain’t interested in nothin’ but an eye for an eye.  You killed my brother, I intend to kill yours.”

 

“Just who is this brother of yours I was supposed to have killed?”  Nick’s body screamed with pent up tension.

 

“Clark.  John Clark.  You testified against him.  You said he rustled cattle.”

 

“He was caught red handed.  He received a fair trial and was punished accordingly.”  Jarrod felt as if he was in the courtroom, and yet he knew those tactics wouldn’t work with these men.

 

“We was just helping ourselves to what we needed.  No need to kill a man for that.”

He motioned to the other men to dismount.  They did so and moved to the women. 

 

“Leave them alone!”  Jarrod and Nick both yelled in unison.  Ben and Leah huddled behind them, terrified.

 

“No one else needs to get hurt, so long as you cooperate.  Send them young’uns over to the women folk.  We’ll tie them up too.  Don’t need them making any stupid mistakes.”

To emphasize his point, he pointed his gun directly at Diana.

 

Jarrod sent Ben to his mother, but Leah resisted.  She was too numb from fear.  In her heart, she was terrified that her nightmare was repeating itself.  Diana, sensing the child’s terror, moved slowly to Nick’s side and offered her hand to the girl.  “Come with me, Leah.  It’ll be all right.”

 

Clark and one of the other men kept their guns trained on Nick and Jarrod as the other men tied the hands and feet of the women and children.  Complaints from the children were silenced as cotton cloth was stuffed in their mouths.  Once the group was compliant, all four men turned their attentions back to Jarrod and Nick. 

 

Nick was impatient.  “Well, get it over with.”

 

“In due time Barkley.  Don’t worry.  You’re gonna die.  Your gonna stretch from the neck just like my brother did.”

”Then you’re just going to up and leave?”

 

“That’s the plan.”

 

“You don’t think we’ll hunt you down?”

 

An evil smile spread across his lips.  “You don’t think these men are here for nothing, do ya?  No, first we’re gonna go loot your house.  This is a mighty big country, many places for a man to hide out.”

Jarrod’s eyes grew cold.  “It isn’t big enough.  If you go through with this, there will be no place for you to hide.”

 

Clark met him eye for eye.  “That so?  Well, then maybe I need to kill everyone?”

 

“NO!”  Nick glared at Jarrod.  “Don’t listen to him.”

 

Clark indicated to Jarrod to mount up. 

 

“Why?”

 

“You’re going with these two to the house.  We get some loot and then we’ll bring you back in time to watch your brother die.”

 

Jarrod knew he had no choice but to comply.  He stood a better chance of getting help if he went back to the house.  “Let me take the children.  They have no need to be here.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because you want it.  I’m in charge here.”

 

“We’ll be fine.  Just hurry.”  Nick encouraged his brother.

 

“I will.  Keep your cool.”

 

Nick smiled.  “You, too.”

 

Thirty Two~

 

The ranch was quiet as Jarrod and his captors rode up.  It was Sunday and most of the hands, Silas included were in town.  Silas attended his own church and spent the day with his friends. 

 

“What exactly are you planning to take?”  Jarrod was thinking of ways to stymie the men.

 

“I figure you got a safe.”

 

Jarrod smiled.  “Yes, that we do.  There might not be as much as you hope though.  We aren’t in the habit of keeping large sums of money in it.”  He knew that what they did keep within was a gun.

 

The long speaker, pointed to the stairs as they entered the foyer.  “Head up to the rooms and search for jewels.  We’ll get the safe.”  The quiet man did as instructed while Jarrod led the way to the safe.

 

He took his time with the dials, purposefully misdialing a time or two. 

 

“What’s your problem?  Open that safe or I’ll shoot you here and now!”

 

Jarrod knew he was wearing the man’s patience, gaining an edge.  “You’re making me nervous.  I don’t want you accidentally firing that weapon.”

 

“You ain’t gotta worry about nothing but that safe.”

 

Jarrod couldn’t stall any longer, so he dialed the correct combination and both men heard the click as the tumblers released the lock.  He felt a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I’ll open it.”

 

Jarrod panicked.  He hadn’t planned on this.  As if he hadn’t heard the man, he moved to pull the door.  His shoulder tensed and the other man felt it.

 

“What are you planning?” 

 

Just as the tension was about to boil over, a wagon could be heard out front.

 

“Who’s that?”

 

Jarrod had no idea.  “I don’t know.”

 

“You ain’t expecting anyone?”

 

“No.”  Jarrod’s mind was whirring with options.

 

Heath set the break and hoped down from the seat.  The house appeared quiet, but then again, they hadn’t wired of their early return.  He helped Katy from her seat and wrapped his arm around her waist.  “Looks like we can spend some time alone before the family returns.”  There was a mischievous gleam in his eye.

 

“Alone with the bathtub.”

 

“That’s a fabulous idea.”  He stole a kiss, but Katy slapped him away.  “We both need a bath.”

 

“I know. I like the idea.”

 

She swatted him again, kissing his cheek.  “JUST a bath.  You don’t smell fresh as a daisy.”

 

“Aw…”

She smiled provocatively.  “If you behave though, I’ll scrub your back.”

 

“Promise?”  He raised his eyebrow.

 

Katy was giggling as he swung open the door and stepped aside for her to enter. 

 

Jarrod heard the front latch release and yelled with all his might.  “NO!  STAY OUT!”

 

Heath had just enough warning to pull Katy from the doorway and unholster his gun as the first shots rang out from the top of the stairs.  He ducked behind the door and fired random shots into the foyer, hoping to hit something.

 

In the study, Jarrod used the distraction to wrestle with the man holding him.  They fell to the floor and rolled toward the window.  With great effort, Jarrod pushed free of the man’s arms and lunged at the gun that had fallen from his hand.  He kicked out as the man grabbed his ankle and stretched out.  He grasped the barrel just as the man made another attempt.  Thrusting the barrel farther away from both of them, he turned back on his attacker, opting for a full on assault. 

 

Back in the foyer, Heath checked to make sure Katy was safe.  Glancing between the crack created by the hinges in the door, he thought he got a bead on the shooters location.  He had heard Jarrod’s warning, but nothing since.  He spared a second for his brother, but trusted he could handle himself.  Taking a deep breath, he spun quickly across the doorframe.  He heard the shots coming his way and felt one burn its mark across his arm.  He lifted his gun and fired.  His instinct took over and his aim was true.  He heard a guttural moan as the bullet found its mark and a stranger tumbled down the stairs.

 

Scanning the outside surroundings to see again that it was clear of intruders, he moved slowly into the foyer.  He knew that if someone else were nearby, they would have most likely made their move by now.  Jarrod’s call had come from the study.  Heath cautiously made his way to the doors. 

 

Punches flew wildly, both men battling for the upper hand.  Jarrod had something the other man did not, passion.  He had a family that needed him to win.  Focusing on that need, he pummeled the man with fierce fists.  The man was quickly overcome and slid to the floor.  Heath entered the room as Jarrod shook his hand. 

 

“Never gonna tease you about lily white hands again.”

 

“Heath!”  For just a moment, Jarrod felt reprieve.  “I don’t suppose you could have joined us a little sooner?”

 

“A miss you getting the chance to beat this guy alone?  Never.”  They smiled at one another.  Heath suddenly grew somber.  “Clummer’s men?”

 

“No.  They work for a man named Clark.  His brother was one of the rustlers that hung.”

 

“Where is everyone?”

 

“Down by the river.  Heath, they’re gonna hang Nick.”

 

Sensing the cessation of hostility in the house, Katy entered and found the brothers.  “The man in the foyer is dead.”

 

“Katy, head to town and fetch help.  Have them meet us out by the river.” 

 

“And fetch the doctor too.”

 

“We don’t know that we need one, Jarrod.”

 

Jarrod pointed to Heath’s arm.  “You forgetting something?”

 

Heath glanced down at his arm, were blood slowly stained his sleeve.  “Ain’t nothing.”

 

Katy touched his face and proceeded to tie his kerchief around the wound.  “You always say that.”

 

Jarrod was already at the gun case, arming himself and Heath.  Turning back to them, he handed Heath two rifles.  “You ready to ride.”

 

“Right behind ya.”  He kissed Katy.  “You watch out for yourself on the road to town.”

 

“I’ll be fine.”  She hesitated.  “Heath, be careful!”

 

He kissed her quickly.  “We will.”

 

~

 

Shortly after Jarrod and the men left, baby Heath began to fuss.  Nick, not gagged, pleaded with Clark to release his wife or himself to see to the child.  For some time, Clark did nothing.  When the baby’s wails could no longer be ignored, he finally released Ellen’s hands and gag.  Using a blanket to cover herself, she fed the child.  Clark didn’t know that wrapped in the blanket was a small pistol, kept in the bottom of the picnic basket.    She saw to the needs of her child, waiting for the right moment.  She made eye contact with Nick and the message was transmitted without words.  He could tell by her stance, she was preparing for something.  It worried him all the more.

 

After changing baby Heath, Ellen rocked him slowly.  She knew her son sensed her agitation and he struggled to stay awake.  Finally he dozed off.

 

“Put him down so we can tie you back up.”

 

“He’s not sleeping well, if I do, he’ll cry again.”

 

Nick interrupted.  “What’s she gonna do with a baby in her arms?”  He willed his words to be true.  He didn’t want his wife risking her life for his.

 

Clark finally nodded.  “I’ll be watching you.”

 

Time passed slowly for the group.  As the sun began to set, Clark grew impatient.  “Where are they?”  He paced back and forth in front of Nick, who sat cross-legged on the ground. 

 

Nick glanced sideways at the group of women and children.  His mother sat steady and strong, even at her age, her strength radiated to all.   Ellen slowly swayed with Heath in her arms and Ben’s head in her lap.  Leah leaned against Diana, terror still evident in her eyes.  He knew Jarrod’s absence was a good thing.   If Clark got jumpy enough, he might make a mistake. 

 

Ellen’s arms grew tired and she set the baby down next to her, rearranging the blanket on her lap.  She and Nick locked eyes again.  She nodded.  He shook his head, but she nodded again.  He knew his wife to well.  Once she got an idea in her head, she didn’t let go.  Nick gently tilted his head toward the man behind him.  Ellen nodded her understanding.  She prayed the small gun would reach her target.

 

Nick held his breath and counted to ten.  As he reached eight, he gave up and kicked out his legs, catching Clark’s feet between them.  At the same instant, Ellen threw back the blanket and fired at the guard behind Nick. 

 

Thirty Three (end)~

 

As Jarrod and Heath neared the location of the prisoners, they slowed their mounts and led them in by foot. 

 

Jarrod stayed close.  “They want to hang him, so check near the trees.”  Heath nodded in acknowledgement.

 

They crept stealthily forward, stopping in a grove of trees just beyond the picnic setting, but with full view.  Nothing could have prepared them for the sight before them.  The women were straining at their bonds and the children screamed in fright through gagged mouths.  Nick was seated upon a horse, with a noose tightly around his neck.  Clark stood at the side of the horse, preparing to slap its rump.

 

Nick had managed to bring Clark to his knees with his attack, but he held tightly to his gun.  He turned on Nick and the two men battled.   The battle ended abruptly when Clark brought his gun handle crashing along the side of Nick’s head.  Nick slumped to the ground, as Clark pointed the gun at his head.

 

“NO!”  Ellen screamed.

 

“Throw your gun here.”

 

She did as directed, praying her husband was not badly injured.  Clark risked a glance at his hired man.  He was holding his arm, which bled profusely.  “You ok?”

 

“She shot me!”

 

“I know, but will you die?”

 

The man grumbled, wishing he could hurt the woman.  “No.”  He went about tying a bandana around his wound and sat down to rest.

 

“That was a mistake Barkley.  It appears we no longer have time to wait.  You’ll have to die now.”

 

Nick said nothing.  The pain in his head was too intense.  While he writhed on the ground, he paid no attention to Clark’s actions.  He didn’t notice him throw the rope over the branch of the tree, nor did he notice the noose being formed.  The injured man kept his gun trained on the women.  Nick couldn’t fight as Clark pulled him up and directed him to a horse.  “It’s time Barkley.  Time for you to die.”

 

Nick gained enough control to resist, but his resistance quickly ended when Clark raised his gun directly at Ben.  Nick slackened.  Clark fastened the noose tightly around Nick neck and ordered him to mount.  Grasping the pommel, Nick did as ordered. 

 

Heath and Jarrod knew they didn’t have much time.  “You take the guard.  I’ll go for the rope.”  Jarrod didn’t argue.  He knew he stood no chance of shooting the rope holding Nick.   He moved swiftly through the woods, to gain a better vantage on the guard.

 

Heath raised his rifle, just as Clark brought his hand to the horse’s rump.  Heath drew in a deep breath and fired.   Nick’s body lurched backward as the horse moved forward, leaving Nick behind to dangle midair. 

 

The world moved in slow motion.  Heath felt as if he could watch his bullet as it veered through the air to its target.  In his mind, he willed it on course.  He held his breath as it ripped through the rope.  Gravity did the rest.  The remaining rope was sheered by Nick’s weight as he fell to the hard ground. 

 

Heath fired his second shot, dropping Clark with ease.  The bullet pierced his skull, dropping him like a rag doll, killing him instantly.

 

As Heath’s first bullet had found its mark, Jarrod called out a warning to the guard.  He didn’t comply and Jarrod fired.  The guard hadn’t had enough time to track the voice and  Jarrod silenced him forever.

 

Heath and Jarrod ran in to the camp.  Heath went to Nick’s side and Jarrod began freeing the women and children.  Ben and Leah were beyond tears as they were both numb with terror and fear.  As Diana comforted the children, the rest ran to Nick’s side.  Heath had already freed the noose.  Nick was breathing deeply, finally having the strength to look at his brother.

 

“Heath…”

 

“What is it with you Nick?  I can’t even go on a simple vacation with out you getting into trouble?”

 

“Welcome home!”  His voice was strained, but the intent was strong.

 

Several hours later, everyone rested at home.  The children were in bed, comforted by their mothers.  Victoria hovered between all rooms, seeing to everyone’s needs.  Heath and Jarrod stayed with Nick.  Dr. Merar was just I finishing up with Nick, who came through the ordeal amazingly well.

 

“You’re very lucky.  If he had known anything about nooses, you would be dead.”

 

“Whatcha mean, Doc?”  Nick croaked.

 

“He placed the noose in the wrong spot.  Normally, it should snap a neck.”

 

Heath grinned.  “Thank heaven for idiots.”

 

“You can say that again, Brother Heath.”

 

“Thank heavens for idiots?” 

 

“Ha ha, very funny.”  Nick groaned.  “Can you ever pull off a rescue without an injury?” 

 

All looked at Heath’s arm.  “I’m not the one in bed.”

 

“Give the good doctor time.” 

 

“Nick’s settled, let’s have a look at that arm.”

 

“Now, Doc.  It’s just a scratch, no need to fuss.”

 

“I’ll decide that.  Let’s go.”

 

~

 

Several nights later, Heath, Jarrod and Nick were sitting in the study alone.

 

“So, Heath.  I can’t avoid it any longer.  What about Tahoe?”  Nick’s eyes gave away his distress.

 

“It’s a fabulous place.  You should see it.”

 

“I think what Brother Nick means is, will we be visiting you there?”

 

“I sure hope so.  It’ll need lots of work.”

 

“So you bought the land?”  Nick was stunned.  Jarrod pressed on.

 

“Yep, 1000 prime lakefront acres.”

 

“When will you leave?” 

 

“I suspect next year.  Leah will love it.  The fish are huge.”

 

Nick’s eyes rejoiced.  “Next year?”

 

“Yep.  Katy and I intend to have a long vacation there yearly.”

 

“A vacation home?”

 

“Soon.  It needs work.”

 

Jarrod and Nick could do nothing but laugh.  Nick suddenly sobered.  “So, you’ll stay?”

 

Heath knew this moment would come.  He drew in a deep breath to both settle his nerves and find the right words.  “Nick, ya still carry that letter of mine?”

 

“Sure.”  Nick removed the tattered paper from his wallet, giving it to Heath. 

 

Heath took the letter, moved to the fireplace and dropped it in.  “You were right Jarrod, I tried it my way, and it didn’t work.  I spent way too long trying to protect you from my past.  I just couldn’t see, that being a family means you accept it all. Its hard to live with the worry, but harder to live with the pain of bein’ away.”

 

“You tried it your way.”

 

“Yup”

 

“How does that bible verse go?”

 

“Which one, Nick?” 

 

“About time, a time for everything?”

 

“Ecclesiastes?”

 

“I dunno, but it talks about a time for everything.  A time to rend and a time to sew.”

 

“So, I rended, and now its time for me to sew.”

 

“Well said.”

 

Although he knew he had received his brother’s forgiveness, but he felt the need to say more.  “I love this family.  I’d die for anyone of ya, but I can’t do it, if I ain’t here.”

 

“We don’t want you to die.”  Jarrod found the words and a smile.

 

Heath met Jarrod’s smile with one of his most famous grins.  “Besides, I figure Nick gets in just as much trouble as I do.  Someone’s gotta be here to help Jarrod save you.”

 

“Welcome home!”

 

“Happy to be here.”

 

Epilogue~

 

Eight months had passed since Heath’s permanent return.  He and Katy built a home of their own, still near the main house and were quickly establishing a reputation for the horses they sold.  As people are wont to do, the town of Stockton gradually forgot Heath had ever disappeared and life resumed as normal. 

 

Jarrod and Diana had married in a quiet ceremony and wasted no time in conceiving their first child.  Jarrod was both excited and terrified at becoming a father again, but was continually reassured by his family.  They had opted to remain at the main house. 

 

Nick and Ellen had also wasted no time.  They were expecting their third child. 

 

Nick, Jarrod, Leah, Ben, and toddler Heath all played on the floor of Heath’s parlor.  The kids relished the time with the men, although Leah often looked to the stairwell.  After what seemed forever, Ellen came down the stairs, beaming.  She asked Leah to follow.

 

They returned a half hour later.  First Ellen, then Leah, behind her Heath followed, carrying a tiny bundle.  All crowded around the newest addition to the Barkley clan.  

 

Jarrod’s first question was logical.  He could see the healthy baby.  “How’s Katy?”

 

“She’s tired, but thrilled.”

 

“She should be.  She worked hard.”  Nick moved as if to take the bundle from Heath.

 

Heath pulled back slightly.  “Not yet.  Have you washed your hands?”

 

“What?”

 

“You ain’t holdin’ my son lessen you washed your hands.”

 

“Your son, huh?”

 

“My son.”