Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV
program
What Lies Beneath, part II… by Frauee
Nick paced back and forth across the small cabin. It had been hours and there had been no word. He understood his brother’s thought process. He was to remain here, for the impending return; however, the waiting was getting weary. He was a man of action. He was also worried. There should have been some word from Heath and Jarrod at least.
Matthias was quiet, too quiet. Nick wished in that moment he understood German or could read the man’s thoughts. He sat at the table, head high but eyes closed. Nick wondered if he wasn’t reliving the whole experience again. He didn’t blame the man. He knew that if anyone had hurt any of the women in his life, much less his daughter, he would have killed the man, too. Even Jarrod’s logic and sense of justice could not have stopped him. He suspected Jarrod might have even helped hold the man down, not that it would have been necessary.
Jarrod rode fast to town. He met up with the sheriff and Sean Simons heading in his direction.
“Jarrod, we were just coming to find you.”
“Fred, where is the posse?”
“It’s dark. We’ve got men ready to go out at first light, unless you have better information for us.”
“No. Sean, do you know where they were staying? They split up and several went back to town.”
“The
“Let’s check it out. He may have more information for us.”
~~~
Her body having been bruised twice that afternoon alone, Amalia couldn’t stop the groan that escaped her lips as she again came to her senses. The tight rope that bound her arms displaced the throbbing ache in her head. She squirmed as best she could in a futile attempt to loosen the ties. It did nothing other then to attract Rieshofen’s attention.
“Ah, Schatz, bereit?”
“Nein, Fritz, nein.” She began to push her body away from him. He hadn’t tied her legs and she knew why. She had temporarily forgotten about Heath in her fear.
“Leave her alone! I’ll kill you myself.” Heath yelled with all his might and strained to reach her.
Rieshofen stopped and turned to Heath. He grabbed a cloth from his pocket and stuffed it in Heath’s mouth and then secured it with another smaller rope. “Her, I vant to hear scream. You, I do not.”
In the distraction, Amalia had rolled herself to the cave wall and struggled to her feet. She knew she couldn’t free Heath and defeat Fritz, so she decided to run for it, hoping she would be followed. She thought she could at least lead him away from Heath. She was moving quietly past him as he turned and grabbed her legs. Heath took the chance to lash his own legs out and caught Rieshofen off guard. Unfortunately, it did no one any good. Amalia fell over the sprawling form of her attacker. Rieshofen regained his footing and smashed his fist into Heath’s stomach and as he doubled over, he struck him again along the chin. The last thing he heard was Amalia begging for his life.
“Bitte, Fritz. His family is important. Zey will seek zeir own revenge. Do not hurt him.”
“He is of no interest to me.”
The look in his eyes scared her like never before. There was nothing human in his look. She again backed away from him on the ground.
“Wohin gehst du?” (Where are you going?)
“Nein, Fritz. Bitte.”
Her attempts were in vain and he overtook her and bent down and grabbed her hair. He pulled her head back and kissed her aggressively. He then used his free hand to pull at her clothes. The shirt she wore ripped in between the ropes, exposing her flesh. He rubbed her breasts roughly.
“Shall we practice for your fazer?”
When Heath regained his facilities, his worst nightmare came true. Rieshofen had pulled Amalia deeper into the cave and her screams were echoing off the walls. Tears filled his eyes as he prayed for a solution or rescue. He had never felt so helpless in his life.
~~~
The three men pounded on the thin hotel room door. The door slowly and cautiously opened and a small, gangly man nervously peeked from behind the door.
“Ja? Vas?”
“Johannes von Reishofen?”
“Ja…”
“Johannes, this is the sheriff and Jarrod Barkley. They can help Amalia. Tell them where they ‘ve taken her.” Sean attempted reason with the frightened man.
“I know nozing. Please. Go away.”
Jarrod knew the youngest brother knew the truth and was not going to be deterred. “Don’t let him hurt her again. You can save her! Help us! You can’t stand by and let this happen again.”
“I do not vant to lost anozer brozer.”
“Then help us!”
~~~
Nick was amazed he was not walking on the dirt. He had been pacing so long, the wood would need to be replaced. Darkness had long since settled around the cabin. The only light in the room came from the fire burning in the hearth. He paused to stoke the flames and in doing so, it was quiet enough to hear the approach of horses. Nick looked to Matthias, who heard the horses as well and nodded. He moved quickly into the small bedroom and waited. The door opened quickly and two large men entered the room.
“Klug. You’re coming with us.”
“Vo ist my tochter?”
“We’re taking you to her. Hurry up.”
Matthias left with the two men and Nick waited until it was safe and followed them.
Fritz von Rieshofen was proud of himself. Everything was going according to plans. He didn’t even care about Barkley. He would finish off the girl and her father and leave the stray. Someone would find him soon enough. She whimpered behind him. She was lost in a world of pain and agony. As he walked forward, Heath saw him fastening the buttons on his trousers and sheer rage welled in his blood.
Heath might have found comfort in knowing that all forces were bearing down on his position at that time.
The two men accompanying Matthias were good at their job. They were very observant. Nick had to hang so far back, that he almost lost them at several points. The moon was both his ally and his foe. In the bright moonlight, he was very visible, but he could watch their path. When it slunk behind clouds, he could gain ground, but riding at night was never a safe option.
No one was riding fast that night. As the clouds again covered the path in front
of him, both Nick and his horse missed the crater that loomed in their
path. At once,
As they arrived at the base of the hill, the two men tied Matthias’ hands behind his back. They climbed slowly, as Matthias fell several times and had no way to break his fall. Arriving at the cave entrance, he was disheartened to see Heath bound and gagged. Somehow, he had hoped Heath had been successful.
“Ah, Matthias. Willkommen!”
“Ich bin hier. Lassen Sie die Kinder gehen!” (I’m here. Let the kids go.)
“Nein, Matthias. Englisch only. Let ze men know what you vant.”
“Let zem go. You haf’ me now.”
“Oh no, Matthias. You vill vatch ze show. Gentlemen, are you tired? Interested in a little refreshment?” His eyes were stone cold and he looked directly into the desperate father’s soul. “Help yourselves to ze girl.”
Sick grins of pleasure spread across the men’s faces as they rushed to the back of the cave, calling out to the terrified girl as they approached.
“Nein.”
“Ja, Matthias. Ja. Jetzt come. You vill vatch.”
“Nein.”
Heath began to squirm again, sensing the coming battle.
Rieshofen withdrew the saber again and pointed it in Matthias’s direction.
“Deaz vill be a blessing to us boz.”
“I understand zat.” He walked to Heath and pointed the tip at his neck. “Must innocents also die?” In that moment, Fritz realized Barkley had been a hidden blessing. Heath was shaking his head back and forth, willing Matthias to defy the request, but knowing he wouldn’t.
Matthias, ignoring the alternating screams, moans and whimpers coming from the back of the tunnel, moved forward and Reishofen moved in behind him.
Matthias wished he could blind his eyes as Oedipus had. The light from the lanterns revealed the prone form of his daughter on the cold ground. One of the men was at her head, rubbing, biting, and generally molesting his daughter as the other pounded out his pleasure on her lower body. With her arms bound, there was nothing she could do to protest.
Both men ignored the steady stream of tears that flowed across her face. He doubted she even realized who was present or that she emitted the cries and moans. He prayed her actions were involuntary and that she was truly somewhere else, lost in her mind. It would be her only hope of salvation.
Reishofen moved along side of Matthias and watched his reaction. “I vill go next vhen zey are done.” He noticed the father closing his eyes and hit him quickly with the saber. “Eyes open Matthias, or she dies slowly.”
Matthias used the distraction to negotiate the small knife he wore in the rear of his belt out of its sheath. He slowly worked its blade over the ropes that held his hands. In the meantime the two men switched positions and the assault on his daughter began anew. The ugly man went so far as to force his recently spent manhood into his daughter’s mouth, warning her not to bite him.
Everything happened at once.
Nick, on foot, finally arrived at the entrance and found his brother bound. He set about freeing the younger man. He knew he would need his help if going after the other men. Heath was as frantic as he had ever seen him. “Hurry, Nick!” flew from his mouth as the gag was removed. “She needs us.” Nick could hear the assault and knew he had been too late to spare Amalia further agony.
As the second man exploded in his daughter’s body, Rieshofen called to the two men to turn her over. “I vill try a little somezing different.” He assumed his men would watch Matthias and lessened his observance. He used one hand to unbutton his trousers and Matthias saw his opportunity.
“Nein!” He roared forward and plunged his knife deep into the chest of the man, whose face had twice raped his daughter. He watched the stunned eyes of the man, as he died. The two other men, sensing the danger, fumbled to grab their guns. The first man had managed to fire a shot directly at Matthias’s chest, as two other shots rang out and felled both men.
In slow motion, the three men fell. Two would never be mourned. The third would be mourned forever. Heath and Nick pulled the two dead men off the limp body of Amalia. Nick removed his jacket and used it to cover the girl’s shredded clothing. He couldn’t force himself to face her. It was inconceivable to him. He turned to Matthias, assuming he was dead. He found him struggling with his final breaths.
“Hang on, Matthias. It’s over.” He pulled the man into his arms and held him up, hoping to lessen the pressure on his lungs.
“Amalia?” He gasped.
“I promise you, we’ll take care of her. She’ll want for nothing. You have my word. She will have the best care.”
”Tell her… I am so sorry. Ich liebe sie….. tell her…”
“I will. I promise.”
As Matthias died in Nick’s arms, Jarrod, the sheriff, Johannes von Rieshofen and several other men entered the tunnel and found the horrific site.
“Jarrod. Get a blanket, now!” Heath was oblivious to everything but Amalia’s needs. He had no idea how to help her, but he knew he had to try. Her eyes were open, but she saw nothing. Her body trembled uncontrollably. He didn’t know if it was more from physical or emotional shock.
Jarrod returned with a blanket and Heath carefully wrapped the girl in it. He pulled her into his arms and then stood to leave. As he walked forward, he ordered one of the men to ride to town for the doctor and bring him to the house. Nick gently laid Matthias on the ground and followed Heath to help get the girl home. He made quick eye contact with Jarrod, who immediately understood. Everyone present understood what had happened. Although he would have to eventually interview everyone involved, Fred Madden knew it would be the low point of his career.
Hours later, Amalia had been settled into a room at the
mansion, and seen by the doctor, who was now seeing to Heath’s wound. Nick and Jarrod sat speechless in the
study. Audra had gone to her room, too
overwhelmed by what had transpired.
“Will she live?”
He hesitated. “Yes. This isn’t going to be easy,
“Is there permanent damage?”
“Physically? No. She’ll need to rest for some time. She’s been beaten, but no broken bones. She has a pretty good-sized bump on her head, but there is no way to determine the extent of the concussion without a response from her. The rope burns should heal nicely with the salve. Use it daily. She was pretty torn up inside, but it will also heal. Based on the damage, I am going to assume she didn’t conceive but it is still possible.”
“Her mind?”
“That is the key. It would be hard enough if the only thing she had to deal with was the death of her father. There is no telling how she will respond to what’s happened.”
“Is there a specialist we should summon?”
“I don’t know. I will check on it. Rape is not something people are willing to talk about.” He hesitated. “Can I be honest?”
“Of course.”
“Keep the boys away from her. There is no telling how a man’s presence might scare her.”
“Heath has developed strong feelings for her. We all have. It will be hard to keep them away.”
“They saw her. They understand.” He paused again. “This will be hard on everyone.”
“I know.”
“If anyone can save her, this family can.”
He left her alone, and went to see Heath.
Heath was full of anxiety and nerves. He could barely hold still as the doctor bandaged the cut on his abdomen. He questioned the doctor at length about Amalia’s condition. Howard did his best to answer the questions frankly and with tact.
“Heath, there is a good chance she will want nothing to do with men.”
“You don’t have to tell me that. I was there. Remember.” The voice was quiet and distant. Suddenly the doctor was able to pull it all together. Heath was also shell shocked. The young, strong and vibrant man, who cared for the girl in the next room, had been forced to witness her horrendous attack. He had been able to do nothing. Until now, Howard Merar had been primarily concerned with the young girl. Now, he feared for the soul of the man in front of him as well.
“Heath. Let me give you something to help you sleep.”
“No.”
“Heath. She is going to need all the help she can get. You need to be strong for her.”
“Doc…”
“Rest, Heath. This isn’t going away over night.”
He had expected a bigger battle. The blond took the spoonful of medicine and drank the offered water down. There was no fight left in him. He sunk back into the pillows as the doctor pulled the covers around him.
Audra was coming from her room, as Howard Merar was leaving Heath’s.
They both went to Amalia’s room and
“How is everyone?” Jarrod’s voice broke the silence.
“They’re both sleeping.”
“What can we do?” Nick was a man of action and matters of the heart made him nervous. He could repair any problem that arose with the ranch. It was what he did. This kind of repair was beyond him. It was a rare time. He needed someone to tell him what to do.
“I don’t know. I must tell you though. I am very worried about Heath.”
“Is the cut bad?”
“No. I’m worried about his heart. It’s no secret that he has been through a lot in his life, but this is different. He witnessed the abuse and was helpless to defend her. That is going to eat away at him if we don’t help them both.”
“You’re right, of course, Howard. This will not be easy.”
“You’ll need to expect anything. She may be hysterical one minute and unresponsive the next. She needs to work through this in her own way and in her own time.”
“Assuming she wants to work through it?” Jarrod hated saying it out loud, but it needed to be said.
“Yes.”
“She wouldn’t…”
“She might. You’ll need to both keep a close eye on her and yet give her space.”
Days passed and nothing changed. Heath healed quickly, but was quiet and vaguely distant. Amalia slept. When her eyes opened, they held no life. She saw nothing and responded to nothing. On occasion they could get a few sips of water down her throat, but not much. Howard grew increasingly worried after five days.
“We have to get something into her.”
“She won’t take it.
She won’t do anything.”
Heath overheard their conversation and stole quietly up the stairs to her room. He hadn’t seen her since that night. His mother had banned men from the room. She and Audra had been with her most of the time. They rarely left her alone, unless she slept. He opened the door and watched her sleep. The bruises were still evident on her face, but fading. The late afternoon sun shone through the window to highlight the hollows under her eyes. Although she lay motionless, he knew her sleep was troubled.
He moved to the chair at her side and took her hand in his. His voice was quiet and gentle. Before the words had left his lips, a single tear rolled down his cheek.
“I’m so sorry. I tried. You have to believe that no one wanted this. I would have gladly died, rather then see you suffer like that, like this. No one…” He had to stop. The sounds from the tunnel came thundering back into his head and he clenched his face to try and rein them in. He had experienced man’s inhumanity himself. He knew the power of its devastation. He knew what it had taken to heal his heart. He wished he knew how to give that to her.
“I am here for you. We all are. If you don’t fight this, he wins. If he wins, your father died in vain. I know it’s hard. But you have to try.”
He hadn’t really been looking at her. He ended his words and looked at her face to find her eyes open. For just an instant, he thought they looked at him. Had he been fooling himself? Had he seen a flicker of life pass through those eyes? He prayed he was right.
“You’ll save her.”
“I didn’t.”
“You couldn’t then. But you will now. That’s what counts.”
“I don’t know.” He
stood and left the room.
“He needs you as much as you need him. Please, Amalia. Come back to us. If you go, you will take him with you. I can’t bear to lose either of you.”
That night, Amalia found her voice. She woke from her nightmare screaming uncontrollably. Nick was the first to reach her room. She was not aware of what was happening and as he leaned in to comfort her, she viciously swung out at him. In her dreams, she had the ability to defend herself. Nick’s attempt caused her to scream even louder. She fought and kicked at him until he had no choice but to back off.
The rest of the family arrived at her door. They all called to her in soothing tones, but
it was too much. The voices were nothing
but a buzz to her, only one crept in.
Heath’s dulcet drawl inched her from the edge.
“You’re safe,
She had backed herself into the corner of the room. He knew she would only panic again if he moved to her, so he attempted to lure her out. He had no desire to make her feel trapped. He knew all too well that what she needed right now was an escape route. He knew she needed to find some inner power. She needed to know she had options and he would ensure she did.
She stood motionless, crying. She watched him closely. After what seemed like an eternity, she spoke her first word.
“Heaz?”
He offered her a subtle grin. “That’s right. It’s all over.”
Tears continued to roll down her cheeks. She seemed so innocent and helpless. It was all he could do to keep from lunging
across the room and scooping her into his arms to comfort her. It tore at his heart. It tore at
“It vill never be ofer.”
“It is. It will always be part of your life. But it is over.”
In the smallest voice he had ever heard, she asked him. “Promise?”
“Promise!”
The fight in her was now gone. She slid bonelessly down the wall and collapsed in a heap on the floor. He moved slowly forward and knelt in front of her. He reached out to her, but she recoiled from his touch. Desiring to rebuild her trust, he adjusted his position and sat in front of her. He made sure she still had space to get by him if she chose, but kept a reassuring presence near her. Soon, she slept. When he was sure she wouldn’t wake, he picked her up and returned her to bed.
Hoping that Heath could be in the room
with
Heath was dozing in the chair next to her bed and was suddenly compelled to turn to her. He met her questioning eyes.
“Morning!” It was a chipper greeting. He saw her question it with her eyes.
“Morgen.” It was much quieter. “Papa?”
“I’m sorry,
She turned her head as the tears swelled into her eyes. He went on.
“He killed Rieshofen, but one of the men got a clear shot off before Nick and I could stop him. I’m so sorry. I wish…”
“I am sure you did vhat you could.”
Heath smiled to himself. It was his first real spark of hope. She was able to think about someone else. “His last thoughts and words were of you. He loved you.”
“Ja.”
“He always called you… what was it… Schatzchen?”
“Ja” The small smile on her face showed her to be somewhere else at the mention of her nickname. He let her stay for a while.
“What’s it mean?”
“Little treasure.”
Tears flowed freely down her cheeks, but a silence again
engulfed them, not broken until
“Good morning! How about some breakfast?”
“Morning, Mother. I
know I’m hungry. How
about you,
“Nein, danke.”
“
She turned to him and her tone stunned him. “Vhy should I feel better? I do not vant to feel anything.” She turned her whole body away from him and curled onto her side. His recent hope was marred.
“Perhaps a bit later, Amalia?”
“Give it time, Sweetheart. She is talking. That’s a good sign.”
Amalia did eat later that morning, not much, but
She didn’t allow anyone to touch her, especially the men of the house. Even being in the room with a man, caused her to become nervous and jumpy. Jarrod had been particularly worried when he brought her a letter. Not only was she nervous about his presence, but the letter as well.
Johannes von Reishofen, once her good friend, had left town. He had come on the journey, only in hopes of deflecting his brother’s wrath. It obviously hadn’t worked and he was devastated at his failure. He said as much to her in his letter. He hoped she might one day find it in her heart to forgive him and let her know if she ever needed anything, he would see to it she got it. Amalia had mixed emotions about the letter. She was not quite ready to forgive anyone. It was still too raw.
A month had passed and Amalia grew restless. Lying in bed at night had convinced her that she had to leave. She had no idea where to go or what to do. She spent many sleepless hours pondering her future. She saw only one option.
The next morning at breakfast, she took her seat next to Audra. As was her custom, she hardly spoke. Nick and Audra had collected her things from the cabin and brought them to her weeks ago. She was back to dressing in men’s clothing, despite having acquired a few new dresses from the Barkley women. No one pushed her about her clothes. They knew it was her way of hiding. Heath knew eventually it would be discussed, but for now it was enough to have her join them.
“Amalia. How about a ride today?” Heath offered almost daily and each day it was the same answer.
“Perhaps.”
“Really?”
Nick spit his recent drink of coffee out and quickly covered
his gaff with his napkin across his mouth.
“I zought about packing papa’s zings into ze wagon.”
“Are you sure you are ready for that, Amalia?”
“It is time to move on.”
It was a simple statement.
Everyone at the table seemed to have their own interpretation of its
meaning. Fear settled in Heath’s
heart. He knew it meant she was
leaving. Although part of him couldn’t
blame her, part of him wanted her to stay.
“I’d be happy to ride over and help out.” Heath’s words sounded far more confident then he felt.
As they approached the small cabin, where she and her father had unbelievably again found happiness at one time, tears came to her eyes. She forced them back and set about packing her father’s things. Heath helped her. They worked in silence.
Heath started to fold up Matthias’ clothes and Amalia stopped him.
“Nein. I vill use zem.”
He chuckled, thinking she was joking. She took the pairs of trousers and several of the shirts and Heath saw that she was serious.
“We can donate them to needy families, Amalia.”
“I vill vear zem.”
“
“It vill verk.”
They returned to silence. Heath watched her closely. It wasn’t taking them long. Matthias hadn’t had much. He looked at her clothes. She was dressed in men’s trousers. He knew it would be a long time before she wore a dress again. He understood that she was trying to hide from the world. It wasn’t really necessary. She didn’t have any contact with the rest of the world. She had shut herself off from all but the family. He knew it would take more time, but suddenly he was afraid. Heath’s mind was a jumble and finally, his feelings came spilling forth.
“Please, don’t leave!”
Without missing a beat, she answered him. “I have to.”
“Why?”
“I have nozing hier.”
“You have me.”
It startled her. She stared at him through misting eyes.
“Do not say such things.”
“It’s true.
She ran from the room and out toward the barn. He followed her, grabbing at her hand. He caught it and held it for just a moment until she jerked it from him.
“DO NOT TOUCH ME!”
“
“Nein.”
“
“I can not stay.”
“Why?”
“Not here.”
“Why?”
“Stop dis.”
“Not until you tell me why!”
Her head was spinning. How could he do
this to her? How could he stand there
and profess his love? Her body shook and
her breathing came in gasps. She fought
to control her impulse to run. She owed
it to him not to run. He had been true
to his word and had always treated her with kindness.
“Tell me WHY!”
Why was he forcing her to speak like this?
“You are wrong. You do not vant me!”
“Yes, I do. I love you. Why can’t you do what I ask? Look me in the eyes and tell me I am wrong.”
She couldn’t do it, so she changed her approach. “I need to be alone.”
“Why?”
She screamed. “I AM AFRAID!” It was too much.
They were both silent. She fell to the ground and wrapped her arms around her legs.
Heath struggled for the right response. He almost wished Jarrod were there. He needed to say the correct words. “How is being alone going to solve your fears?”
“I do not know. I do not know anyzing anymore.”
“Let me help.”
“You can not.”
“Why not?”
“You can not understand.”
“You’re wrong. I do understand. I understand all too well what it feels like to have someone steal your life from you. I know.”
“How could you? You are a strong, rich man. How can you know?”
Heath proceeded to tell Amalia more then he had told any living being, Nick included, about his past. He shared his horrors and hardships. He also shared how coming to be part of a family, being loved, had helped set him free of his pain.
The afternoon sun was beating down on them as they sat in the dirt, bound by invisible bonds. After a prolonged silence, Heath slowly reached out his hand and touched the back of hers gently. She did not flinch or remove it. He didn’t ask for more.
“I do not know vhat to do.”
“Stay. Give me a chance.”
“I can not do dis just for you.”
“No. You have to do it for you. I’m just an added bonus.”
She smiled. He laughed.
“Time,
“May I stay here?”
“Of course.”
“No, I mean here. At ze cabin.”
“By yourself?”
“Ja. I think I need…”
“Can you shoot a gun?”
“Nein.”
“After I teach you.”
As Heath had promised, after teaching Amalia how to shoot a gun, the family helped her move back to the small cabin. Learning to shoot had been harder than imagined, not because she was not adept, but because the instruction required close contact. Even though it was Heath, she was still leery of contact. Throughout the time, Heath also instituted a subtle courtship. After she had moved out of the house, he rode by daily, usually around lunchtime. She inevitably offered him lunch and they shared pleasant times together.
One lovely Sunday afternoon, Heath had picked her up with the buggy to bring her to supper at the main house. Nick was coming in from the barn and met the buggy. Without thinking, he extended his hand to her to help her down. She hesitated just a bit, and accepted the contact. As soon as she accepted his hand, he realized the enormity of the motion. He didn’t try and touch her waist, but smiled that she had offered him the trust.
Dinner conversation flowed freely. Although still relatively quiet, Amalia had
learned to relax in the presence of the Barkley family banter. She even laughter and smiled from time to
time. Heath sat opposite her and always
looked for these signs of healing from her.
It renewed his hope of a future with her. Conversation soon turned to a party the next
weekend. Leona Miller had given up on
winning Heath’s love and had set her sights on Billy Swinton. The Swinton’s owned
a respectable ranch on the other side of
“So, Little Sister, what gallant young man has finally won the privilege of escorting you to the party on Saturday?”
“You mean she finally picked?”
“Oh, you two. It hasn’t been as bad as that.”
“It hasn’t? I have had men lined up outside my office bribing me.”
“Jarrod! If you must know, I am going with Carl Wheeler.”
“Lucky him.”
“Amalia? What will you wear to the party?”
The question caught Amalia off guard. She hadn’t planned on attending a party.
“I vill not be going.”
Audra wouldn’t accept that answer. It was as if she had forgotten all that the girl had been through. “Of course you are.”
“I vas not invited.”
“Well perhaps not, but certainly you will go as Heath’s date?”
Heath sputtered a cough. Amalia took it as a sign that he hadn’t wanted her to go. She blushed red and glued her eyes to her plate.
“Little Sister, I hadn’t asked Amalia to go yet.”
“Well, you were planning on it, weren’t you?”
Amalia knew he would be a gentleman and pretend, so she prepared her negative response.
“Actually, I had other plans for us on Saturday night.”
This caught Amalia off guard and she glanced up at him. He was smiling and casual, and didn’t seem to realize his comments had stung her. He obviously didn’t want to be seen in public with her. Her heart, which had been showing signs of opening, tightened.
“I was planning on asking her to dinner at the Cattlemen’s Club.”
“But Heath…”
Audra was cut off by
“Well, seeing as how she hasn’t been properly asked….”
Amalia was lost in her world and didn’t hear his words.
“Amalia? What do you say? Will you have dinner with me on Saturday?”
She shook her head. “Danke.”
Nick, seeing her response, decided to save his brother. “See, she said thanks. You’ll have a good time.”
Amalia’s eyes flew open wide at the misunderstanding and then realized he had done it on purpose. Glancing around the table, she knew she didn’t stand a chance of refusing the request at that time, so she allowed them the victory and vowed to talk to Heath on the way home.
Although he never tried to make decision for her, he provided her only option on the way home.
“So, we can either go to the party or to the Cattlemen’s. Which will it be?”
“Heaz, nein.”
“Ja, Amalia. Bitte?”
“Heath, zer vill be too many people.”
“Not at the Cattlemen’s. All the ranchers will be at the party. It will be quiet in town.”
She looked into his eyes. He was so sincere. He had done so much for her that she knew she couldn’t deny him this one wish. “Alright.”
Audra came by Saturday afternoon. Amalia was working in the garden in bare feet and her face was filled with dirt smudges.
“Oh, Amalia! You can’t go to dinner like that!”
“Hello to you too, Audra. I vill clean up. No vorries.” She smiled at Audra’s concern. She knew she would never be as interested in fashion and appearance.
“Clean up? You need an entire bath! I thought maybe I could do your hair?”
“Audra, I…”
“No arguments. Come back to the house and we’ll get ready together. It’ll be fun. Please?”
Before she could respond, Audra had moved into the house. Amalia dusted off her hands and trousers and followed her inside. She found Audra searching through the few dresses she had hanging in the corner of her room.
“I think the blue dress will be perfect for tonight.”
Amalia indicated the dark skirt and blouse on the bed. “I vas vearing dat.”
“Oh, please wear the blue one. It is so lovely on you.”
“I have not yet vorn it. How do you know?”
She smiled. “A girl knows these things.”
Amalia grew quiet. “I vas a girl, once.”
Audra knew immediately she had gone too far. “I’m sorry, Amalia. Whatever you want to wear will be fine. Heath is just excited to take you to dinner.”
Amalia looked back and forth from the dress Audra held and the skirt she had laid out. She drew in a deep breath and held it, then released it slowly.
“Audra. I vould like to look nice tonight. Vill you help me?”
They rode back to the main house and set about primping for
the evening. Nick and Heath came in from
their day on the range and were racing to claim the tub. Heath had been jubilant all day and Nick was
trying hard to take advantage of his good mood.
“There is plenty of time for both of you to bathe. Must you argue so?”
“Nick only needs to go to town to pick up Susan. I have to go to the cabin.”
“If that is your reasoning, Nick wins.”
Nick laughed and congratulated himself. Heath was dumbfounded. He was not used to losing this battle.
“How do you figure?”
“Amalia is here. She and Audra have been getting ready for some time now.”
It was Nick who broke the silence. “That’s excellent news. Little Brother, I think your patience is paying off.”
Heath offered him a small smile. He was caught up in the victory for the moment. “So, I get the tub first, right?”
“Right.”
Heath was off down the hall. Nick suddenly realized he had been duped and took off after Heath.
Heath knocked on the door of Amalia’s room and waited for her reply. He was nervous. He wanted a perfect evening.
“Come in.”
He opened the door and saw her waiting. She looked beautiful. Her long brown hair was left down. Two combs pulled the sides up and it had been brushed until it shone like satin. She was dressed in a simple blue dress. She was perfect and he couldn’t hide the smile on his face.
“You look beautiful.” He expected her to rebuff him, but she didn’t.
“Zank you.”
“Shall we go?” He
offered her his arm and she took it.
They made their way down the stairs and met the rest of the family, all
ready to leave.
“You look lovely, Amalia.” She turned to Heath. “Perhaps after dinner, you can join us at the Swinton’s for a dance or two?” Amalia didn’t answer, but Heath nodded.
Dinner at the club was wonderful. Heath had never seen Amalia so lovely. She laughed and chatted and smiled with ease. Perhaps the wine had helped, he didn’t care. He was enjoying it. As he had predicted, the restaurant was slow and quiet. He took her hand across the table and held it. She relaxed into his grip.
“It’s early. We could go and have a couple dances.”
“If zat is vhat you vant.”
“
“I vant you to be happy.”
“I am when I am with you.”
She blushed. “You vere happy before me.”
“I wasn’t complete without you. Now, I am.”
She looked away and her next words were quiet. “Bitte. Do not talk like zis.”
“OK, then how about a dance?”
“I vas not invited.”
“I was.”
He stood up, pulled out her chair and escorted her down the
street to the carriage. In no time, they
arrived at the Swinton house. The house was aglow with the festivities. Many greeted them as they entered. They shared a couple dances and then took a
break when they saw Nick, his date, Susan and
“Heath, she seems just fine.”
“She sure does. I think she is enjoying herself.”
“I’m so happy for you.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek.
“I tried to discuss the future, but she wasn’t ready.”
“Oh, Heath, she has come so far already….”
“I know. Thanks.” Jarrod approached and invited his mother to dance and Heath was left alone, to study the woman he loved in the arms of his brother. It was a good feeling.
Several more dances followed. Heath stuck very close to Amalia. Other then Jarrod, no one asked her to dance and of that she was glad. It had taken all of the courage she could muster to dance with Heath, let alone Nick and Jarrod. She knew she was putting up a good front, but inside she was crumbling. It was too much. She thought about how to get Heath to take her home, politely.
“Heath, Old man Swinton wants to talk to us quickly about one of his bulls. Can you come? We won’t be long.” Nick had come up to them, just as Amalia was about to ask him to take her home.
Heath looked at Amalia. “Do you mind? I promise, I’ll be quick.” She nodded and they left. Amalia decided she would take the opportunity to freshen up. She set off down the hallway to find a powder room. She saw several women exit a room and decided it was the best bet. She entered and heard the familiar chatter of women gossiping. There was a large silk screen that divided the room and she stayed on the far side of it to go unnoticed.
“I am so happy for you Leona. Billy is such a catch.”
“He is. To think, I wasted all that time on Heath Barkley.”
This piqued Amalia’s attention and she listened.
“Can you believe he brought her here? What was he thinking?”
“Exactly. He had done so much to earn the respect of the town and then he brings that girl here. How could he?”
“I am so glad I broke it off with him. It would have been hard enough to live with his reputation, but now he adds that girl.”
“I can’t believe she hasn’t just left town. Everyone knows what she did.”
The door opened and the voices disappeared.
Amalia’s breath stopped in her throat. What she had done? They blamed her. She knew it. Deep down she blamed herself as well. Heath had tried to convince her she was wrong, but she wasn’t and the whole town knew it. Worse yet, her very presence was hurting Heath. The tears rolled down her cheeks. She had actually begun to believe that she might be able to admit her love for Heath. It was obvious now. She could never hope to love a man. She was not worthy.
She composed herself and found Heath searching for her. She told him she was tired and asked him to take her home. He complied. He sensed something had changed, but didn’t dare broach the subject.
As they arrived at the cabin, he helped her down and escorted her to the door.
“Night. I had a great time tonight.”
“Me, too.” She lied.
He took his chance. He leaned in and planted a small and gentle kiss on her cheek. He wanted to claim her lush lips, but knew that would be too much too soon. She jumped back, startled.
”Nay, Heath!”
“I’m sorry. I just….”
He paused to collect his words. “
“Is that vhat you vant? Do you need to find some pleasure?”
“What? NO! I just thought maybe you might enjoy that small kiss, too. I’m sorry. I thought maybe you were ready for that.”
“I vill never be ready.”
“I don’t believe that. I didn’t mean to rush you.”
“I am not vorzy of you Heath.”
“The hell you’re not.”
“Vhy vould you vant me, knowing vhat zey did to me?”
“
“You are wrong. Every time you look at me, you vill see zoes men.”
“No,
She turned and opened the door. He knew he had failed to convince her and his legs stood rooted to the spot. She lit a lamp and turned back to him. She took his hand and pulled him in the room. As he entered, his mind swam. What was she up to?
She stood before him and began to unbutton the top of her dress. He gasped as she stepped forward and offered herself to him.
“What?”
She moved her hands to his waist and began to unfasten his belt. He was stunned. She continued her actions and had unbuttoned his trousers and began to pull his shirt from his pants. She stopped. She took the lamp in one hand and grabbed his hand in the other. She pulled him into the small bedroom she used. She dropped his hand, set the lamp on the bedside table and began to pull off her pantaloons.
He had no idea what to do. He knew it wasn’t right, but he also feared rejecting her at this moment. He prayed for an answer. She gave up on her dress and moved to stand in front of him again. She pulled him to the bed and lay herself down. She pulled up her skirts and spread her legs wide, exposing her body to him. He stared at her face, unwilling to look elsewhere.
“
“Is that not vhat men vant?”
“Is this what you think I want?”
“You kissed me.”
“Do you want to make love with me?”
“I vant you to be happy. Go ahead. Pleasure yourself, it means nozing.”
“You’re wrong. It means everything. When we are ready, we will both be pleasured.”
“I vill never find pleasure in dis so it makes no difference.”
He moved to sit beside her on the bed. He placed his hand on her knee and closed her legs and pulled her skirts back down. “Don’t say that. It will take time. Those men had no right to do what they did. I hope someday we will make love, make babies. I would never disrespect you like that.”
“How long vill you vait? I may nefer vant to make love. Take vhat you can get. It is all I am good for now.”
“Stop talking like that! It’s not true.”
“Ja. It is.”
Tears welled in Heath’s eyes and Amalia refused to look at him. “I take it back.” She turned to him and prepared to have him abuse her body as well. He took her hand. “I am not sorry I kissed you. I have wanted to do it for so long now. We had to make this step sooner or later. Now we know where we stand.”
“Good night.”
“Good night,
She said nothing and he left. She curled up on the bed and cried for hours.
When Heath came to the door the next afternoon, it pushed open with ease. He became instantly alarmed and drew his gun and cautiously entered. Everything was neat as always. There was nothing out of line. As a matter of fact, it was too neat. He moved to Amalia’s bedroom and found it empty. She was gone.
Ten
Weeks passed and there was no word from Amalia. No letter, no wire, nothing crossed the Barkley threshold with her name on it. Outwardly, Heath was holding up well. Inside, he was in agony. He blamed himself. First he had failed to protect her and then he had rejected her. Each day he dreamed of going after her, but he had no idea where to look. She had little money, so he figured she kept close to the wagon, but other then that, she could be anywhere. The family avoided the subject entirely. They had no desire to open Heath’s wounds. As long as he seemed to be doing fine, they would pretend with him.
Amalia took only bare essentials when she left. She left quickly and quietly. She debated leaving a note, but decided that the simple kindness would only entice Heath to follow her. No, she would leave him empty and full of pain. It wasn’t nice, but she knew it had to end.
She traveled non-stop for some time. She headed north and stopped just outside a
small train stop named Elk Grove. She
was only a half-day’s ride from
The money wasn’t enough to live on. She soon learned the only way to survive was to drink with the men who came. Even then, it was barely enough. The money to live on for most girls came from inviting them upstairs to the rooms. After one week, she forced herself to sit and drink with the men. She found that if she drank enough, the pawing hands on her breasts and between her legs was tolerable. After two weeks, she guided her first man up the stairs.
She learned very quickly who to target. Whereas many girls went for the young and virile men, hoping to attain a bit of their own satisfaction, she went after the older men. She found that they were far more interested in their own satisfaction. They were content to thrust their members between her legs until spent. They didn’t require fancy tricks or unusual positions. She need only lay still and accept their grunts.
Heath played pool with his brothers as he did many nights,
but his heart wasn’t in it. He kept
glancing at the rows of books that lined the wall.
Heath met Jarrod in town for lunch on occasion. They both enjoyed these times. Heath spent most of his time in Nick’s company, and Jarrod did what he could to claim his own time with his youngest brother.
“Heath, are you sure it wouldn’t help to talk about it?”
He laughed quietly. “Nothing seems to help.”
“What happened?”
“I kissed her.”
“That doesn’t make much sense Heath. You kissed her and she left? Did you do it badly?” He attempted a small bit of humor, but it failed him.
“She wasn’t ready to be kissed.”
“I’m quite sure you didn’t force the kiss.”
“No. I just leaned in and kissed her cheek.”
Jarrod thought for a moment. “I know what she went through was hard, but it seems to me she would have been ready to a small kiss like that. She even danced with Nick and I.”
“That’s what I thought. I guess it was just too much. She went the opposite direction.” Heath stopped, realizing he had said too much.
“What do you mean?”
“Nozing.”
Jarrod noted his brother’s German accent and his reluctance to continue, but pushed him nonetheless. “What else happened Heath?”
“She offered herself to me and I rejected her.”
“What?”
“She laid on the bed and... well, I told her I would make love to her when it was right.” He paused as he relived the moment. “She said she would never make love. And then she left. End of story.”
“Heath. You did nothing wrong.”
“I shouldn’t have pushed her to go to the dance. Dinner was a huge step, it was too much.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“Yes, I could have.”
Heath clammed up. Jarrod knew he would get no more information from his brother on the topic. His heart ached for the younger man. Beneath his tough exterior was a gentle soul that understood pain and how to survive. If anyone could have helped her find love, it was Heath. Now, they had both lost the chance to love.
The life of a saloon girl was different from most. As they worked late into the night, they slept most of the day away. Amalia was not able to make this adjustment. Dawn’s first rays would wake her and she would climb down the stairs to greet the day. Joe, the daytime bartender, would always have a newspaper and she would read and reread it to fill her time. By mid-afternoon, the other girls would slowly file down and spend their time with idol chatter. Amalia had gleaned a lot from these conversations. The women were practiced in the arts of pleasing men.
They regarded Amalia as a baby bird who needed to find her wings. They encouraged her to try new men and new positions. She resisted. The men were fast referring to her as the ice queen. They knew she allowed her body to be simply used as an instrument of their pleasure. She asked nothing of them but payment. While some men liked to fondle her body, especially her breasts, most which sought her company, were content to pump their load and leave. She faithful used the herbs the other girls did to prevent a pregnancy. She knew she had been lucky so far and had no desire to bring a life into this world that she prayed nightly to leave. She picked up the gun she had taken with her and spun its chamber daily, praying for whatever ties that invisibly held her to this world to break.
Jarrod’s train arrived early and he strolled down the small main street the doors of the saloon. He entered, took a table near the door and ordered a coffee. He filled his time reading and waited. John Roberts arrived shortly thereafter and they exchanged the papers and small talk during lunch. He departed and left Jarrod with another hour until his train. His back was to the room and he didn’t notice the German beauty make her way downstairs.
She was later then normal. The man who had taken her last night had been rougher then usual and she hurt a bit. It didn’t help that she rarely ate and slept. The exhaustion she continually felt showed on every inch of her face and body. Lying in bed that morning, she knew she had to leave. She had managed to save up a bit of money. She could travel elsewhere. She decided that she might have a better shot at different work in a bigger city.
She took her place at the end of the bar and Joe served her a fresh cup of coffee, strong, like she liked it. She smiled at the smell and drank the hot beverage. She actually enjoyed the hot burn as it coursed inside her body. It was something she could actually feel. All else on her body had become numb to sensations.
Chad Holzin had just been fired from his job. Of course the first place he would seek solace was the saloon. He entered; already drunk from the bottle he had just finished. He leaned heavily on the bar and seeing Amalia, slid his way down to her. He slung his arm around her shoulders.
“Hey, baby. How’s about we go upstairs? I got plans for you.”
She shrugged out of his grasp and backed away. “Nein.”
He pushed himself up and grabbed her arm roughly. “I said, lets go upstairs!”
She pulled at her arm. The scenario was too real for her. She debated giving in to him, but the smell of his breath and look in his eyes made her frightened. She was too busy staring at his eyes, to see the man approach from behind.
Jarrod Barkley had never liked seeing saloon girls mistreated. He seldom judged them. He understood all too well, that women were limited in their ability to make money. Hearing the commotion from behind him, he immediately sprang into action. He pinched the man around the neck and pulled him backwards.
“The lady does not wish your company. Leave her alone, NOW!”
Holzin was too stunned, or too drunk to fight the man and he turned his body and stumbled from the saloon. Jarrod watched him go and then looked back to see the girl he had saved. He was stunned.
“Amalia?”
She tried to play it cool. “Jarrod. Sank you.” She then turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm.
“Oh, no you don’t! We
need to talk.”
“Nay, Jarrod. I have nozing to say.”
“Well, I do. Please. Have a cup of coffee with me at least.”
Deep down she knew she owed him that much. She complied and they returned to his table.
“Have you been here all this time?”
“Ja.” She paused. “Vill you tell him?”
“He misses you. You two need to talk.”
“Nein.”
“Why did you leave him?”
She was silent for some time and then spoke wistfully. “I had to.”
“Why?”
“I am not meant for him. He deserves better.”
“He loves you. Why shouldn’t he have you?”
“Ze girls.. ze talk…”
“What do you mean? Who talked?”
“It doesn’t matter. Heaz deserves better zen a whore.”
“You’re not a whore.” Jarrod couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“Men take what zey vant from me and I do not stop zem.”
“It’s not your fault. It never has been.”
Her voice grew very sincere. “I am dead inside. He deserves life, not deaz.”
The arriving train whistled its greeting and Jarrod couldn’t help but check his watch. He wanted to stay, but she read his mind.
“Go Jarrod. Forget you saw me. He vill forget in time. I vill not hurt him furzer. Your family has been too good to me. Sey deserve zat.”
“You’re wrong, Amalia.”
“Go. Bitte.”
Jarrod took her hand and held it a second. He had no idea what to do. He suspected that if he left now, she would run. His only hope was to get home quickly, let Heath know and then return as quickly. Even if she left immediately, they would most likely be able to find her. He left.
All thoughts of Amalia left his brain when Jarrod returned to the ranch. Fire had broken out on the North Ridge and everyone was summoned to help. For hours, the men had been battling the blaze in an attempt to control it. Heath and Nick fought on the front lines, while Jarrod was pressed into coordinating relief efforts. The rain the broke loose from the skies might have been a blessing to most, but was a hindrance on the ridge. The rocky ground was covered in a thin layer of dirt. The rain had fallen, and although it had begun to put out the fires, it made the ground very slippery for the men.
Heath was not the first to fall, but he was the most unfortunate. He had just leaned over to help Nick up, when he felt his own feet faltering. Too near the edge of an embankment, he felt himself sliding uncontrollably down the side. He came to rest at the end and was thinking his lucky stars it hadn’t been worse, when he heard the alarming call of his name from above. He was just raising his arm to wave off help, when he saw the flaming tree looming down on him from above. He began to pull his body out of the way, but the mud slowed his progress. He would never be sure what hurt worse, the branches as they assaulted his upper body or the trunk as it impacted his legs.
They kept him highly drugged for pain in the first couple days. Heath was so seldom conscious that he couldn’t even think to fight it. On the fourth day, he woke to a haze of pain and felt a strong hand holding his. He coughed to make his presence known.
“Welcome back, little Brother.” Nick cradled Heath’s head as he drank some water.
“Thanks. What happened?”
“You don’t remember?”
“Fire out?”
“Days ago.”
“Days?”
“You were feeling so tough, you decided to tangle with a tree.”
“Did I win?”
“Whatcha think?”
Heath gingerly tried to move his body and winced openly at the pain. “No?”
“Nope. You lost.”
“I hope the tree feels bad at least.”
“It does. I had the men cut it up for kindling.”
The laughter caused Heath to groan. Nick moved to pour him more laudanum. He waved him off.
“Come on now, be a good boy. Take your medicine.”
“No more.”
“You’re going to make me go get mother?” An evil smile spread across Nick’s face.
“Heath. Do as your brother says.”
“I’ll sleep just fine. You don’t have to worry about me trying to break out just yet.”
Nick laughed. “We won’t have to worry about that at all, little brother. You broke both legs.”
“What?” Heath attempted to examine his legs, but the pain stilled him.
“I’m afraid you won’t be escaping anywhere without help for a couple months, darling.”
Heath groaned and closed his eyes. His life had gone from bad to miserable in moments. He felt the spoon rest against his lips and succumbed to the request and opened his mouth. He felt the liquid slide down his throat and sunk into the darkness that it brought.
Days passed and they gradually lessened Heath’s medications. Although he was awake, he was quiet and reserved. The whole family attempted to cheer him up, but they fought a losing battle. Heath was not the kind of man who could sit around for two months. Jarrod and Nick kept inventing ways to keep him busy, but it wasn’t enough. He had more then enough time to dwell on his misfortunes. Jarrod still debated telling Heath about Amalia. He wasn’t sure what would happen. He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince her to come and Heath was in no position to go after her, so he kept quiet.
Several weeks had passed and the family was off to the wedding of Leona Miller and Billy Swinton. Even Audra was agog at the size of the affair. She was glad Heath and Leona had not hit it off as well as she had once thought. She had been wrong about Leona. She was interested in money and power and this flew straight in the face of Heath.
As the family was bidding goodbye from the affair, Jarrod and Nick chatted briefly with Leona.
“Please send Heath my best regards.”
“We will. I am sure he would have liked to have been here.”
“Probably better that he isn’t. Seeing as how he is an old beau and all.”
Nick coughed and Jarrod was stymied. Leona didn’t seem to notice and went right on.
“Course, we are all better off now. Especially since that dreadful girl left him alone.”
Jarrod instantly understood. They bid their farewells and headed for home. As the ladies went upstairs to bed, Jarrod asked Nick to step into the study and explained all he knew about what had happened with Amalia.
“That stupid woman said something to her that night. It had nothing to do with Heath’s kiss at all.” Nick was angry. “Why, we ought to go talk to her right now, to heck with her wedding night. We’ll give her something to remember.”
“Leona isn’t the problem. We have figure out how to get Amalia here. We can’t force her to come. She has to want to come.”
“Are you sure we can’t just slip a little something in her drink and bring her here?”
“Nick! What you just described constitutes kidnapping. No.”
“So, we need to stretch the truth.”
Jarrod’s curiosity was peaked. “How so?”
“Let me tell you about my plan, Big Brother.”
Jarrod and Nick both invented plans to be away from home in the coming days. Dr. Merar had still confined Heath to bed, so helping him would not be necessary yet. The timing was important. The fact that Heath didn’t argue about his confinement heightened their desire for success in their mission.
Nick rode off early in the morning on his supposed buying trip. Jarrod enjoyed breakfast with the ladies and prepared to make his own departure.
“Jarrod. I wish you luck with your plan.” She kissed her son goodbye at the door.
“Mother? Whatever are you referring to?” He smiled inside. Despite their best efforts, they could get nothing past her.
“Good Luck.”
Nick and Jarrod met at the train station and climbed aboard for Elk Grove. They hoped they weren’t too late. They were, by one week.
Joe, the day bartender, was working behind the counter when the brothers arrived.
“Hello. We’re looking for a girl…”
Joe cut Jarrod off. “Girls don’t work until tonight. You’ll have to come back.”
“No, we need to talk to her.”
“Well, I suppose. Who are you looking for?”
“Amalia Klug.” Nick had lost patience. “What room is she in?”
“She’s not. She left, little over a week ago.”
“WHAT!” Jarrod put his arm out to steady his frustrated brother.
“Do you know where she went?”
“She talked about heading to
“How did she travel?”
Joe laughed. “She loaded up that beat up old wagon of hers.”
“Thank you.”
They left the saloon and walked toward the station.
“So, what now?”
“We head to
“When’s the next train?”
“Not by train, Brother Dear. Let’s go get some horses.”
“Jarrod? Have you lost your mind? We’ve already lost a week.”
“Call it a hunch, but I think we’ll find her.”
“I think your nuts, but let’s go.”
Within an hour, Nick and Jarrod had gathered horses and the necessary supplies and set out. Thanks to a bright moon, they were able to ride late into the evening. They made cold camp and were up as soon as the sun began its first appearance. They made good time the second day. They split up and covered the territory on either side of the road as well. Nick suspected she might stay off the main roads and take her time, if Jarrod was right.
As the day slipped away, they met back up, both empty-handed. They would reach the city tomorrow.
“Ready to make camp?”
“Let’s ride a bit further.”
“Jarrod. We’ll find her.”
“I never should have kept silent. We wouldn’t be out here….”
“You did the best you could. There’s no telling how she’s going to react, then or now.”
They rode on in silence. Nick was turning to suggest a stop, when he saw the small fire on the horizon. He pointed in that direction and they changed their direction.
Amalia had wandered the road aimlessly. Finally, she pulled off the road and simply made camp. She had no real idea where to go or what to do. She hardly slept. Each time she closed her eyes, visions of the men who had tormented her flooded her brain and stirred her fears. She nibbled at the little food she had brought with her and drank vast quantities of the whiskey she had bought from Joe. Alcohol was fast becoming her only friend.
She sat in front of the small fire. She had built it hoping it would somehow bring some warmth into her soul, but now she felt foolish. Nothing could penetrate the ice around her heart. She was as good as dead. She held the gun in her hands as she had so many times before. She knew she was as close as she had ever been. She rolled the chamber up and down her leg. Images of her father and Heath, the men she had loved, yes, loved, danced in her eyes. As she gazed at the flames, she saw their faces. It was most likely the alcohol talking, but she thought they were talking to her. She couldn’t understand their words. She decided her father must have been calling her to join him. It made sense. At least then, she wouldn’t be alone anymore.
Part of her wished Heath had been calling her to him. Had she been wrong? Jarrod had to have told him. She had waited for him to come. He hadn’t. She left and now she found herself here, in this dismal spot. She took a deep breath and picked the gun up. She looked at it closely, wondering how best to fire the bullet. She knew that if she didn’t aim right; it was just possible, she could survive. She didn’t want to fail at this.
Her hand was unsteady as she moved it back and forth between her temple and the middle of her forehead. She settled on the area just above her ear. She pulled the hammer back and held it there. “Auf Wiedersehen!”
“Nein!” The gun was pulled from her hand by forces yet unseen. She whirled around and met the full physical presence of Nicholas J. Barkley. She stumbled backward and nearly fell into the fire. Nick reached out and grabbed her around the waist.
“Nein! Nein! Las
“Amalia. Please. Let us help!” Jarrod knew that her physical struggles would not be easy on her emotionally. He pulled Nick backward and Nick dragged her with him. When they had cleared the camp, he let her go. She charged at him with full, drunken rage.
“GO AWAY! I DO NOT VANT YOU!”
“Well, we want you.”
She laughed. It was almost insane, but certainly hysterical. “You are too late. I do not do that anymore.” She paused. “Vell, maybe for da right price.” She fell to the ground and began to sob. The two men watched for a second or two and then both moved slowly toward her again. As they neared, she pushed herself backward.
“Vhy von’t you jes let me be?”
Aware of her drunken state and not wanting to deal with the issues that plagued her, they changed the topic.
“Heath needs you.”
“I told you. He does not. I am bad for him.”
“He’s hurt. He may not live. He has been asking for you.”
It worked. Her face shot up and met Jarrod’s face, but she said nothing.
Nick moved in closer again. He got down low and matched her level. His voice was quiet and calm.
“Amalia, you owe me.”
“Vas?” She looked into his eyes, trying to figure out why she owed him.
“You saved my life. I owe you a thank you.”
“You owe me nozing.”
“Then you owe me. Come back with us. Talk to Heath. Give him another chance.”
“I can not.”
“Why?”
“I am a whore. He deserves better. I vill not taint your family.”
“You aren’t and you won’t.” He reached slowly toward her and cupped her face. He used his thumb to brush the tears from her cheeks and she slowly melted into the ground. He moved closer and pulled her into his arms. He was shocked when she didn’t fight him. He held her and rocked her slowly until sleep claimed her. Jarrod helped him settle her into bed and they settled in for the night.
She slept late into the next morning. Nick had wanted to get moving, but Jarrod convinced him to let her sleep.
“It’s obvious she could use the rest, Nick.”
“I see that, but the sooner we get her home, the sooner everyone heals.”
“True, but let’s let her sleep awhile longer anyway.”
She lay on her bedroll, feigning sleep. She was trying to determine what to do. When she first woke up, her memories of the prior night were very hazy. As she worked through events, they came into focus. She knew Jarrod and Nick were there. She recalled that they said Heath was hurt. She debated the truth of their words. If Heath was so badly injured, why had they both come? Why were they not at his side? Surely, men of their wealth could have hired men to find her. She had tried to end her life and they knew it.
“Vhy are you still here?” She didn’t realize she had said it out loud. They were instantly at her side.
“Well, hello. Rest well?” Nick was cheery. It scared her.
“Vhy are you still here?” She repeated her question with more confidence.
Jarrod handed her a cup of coffee and she cautiously accepted it. “We thought it looked like you could use the rest.”
She shook her head and sighed. “I can not go wiz you.”
Nick lost his temper. “Now you listen up! We have been looking all over tar nation for you. I’ll be damned if you aren’t coming back with us.” He grabbed her arm and tried to pull her up. She cringed and recoiled. He was immediately ashamed. “I’m sorry.”
Fear drove her to comply, now. She stood and helped pack up the camp. They set out for Elk Grove and would then caught the late train back to
“I’m sorry about earlier, Amalia. I didn’t mean to hurt or frighten you.”
She heard the regret, so obvious in his voice. Even her cold heart could not leave him to suffer.
“It is not your fault. Men scare me, even those that mean me no harm.”
“I’m sorry about that, too. Men aren’t all bad, Amalia.”
She was silent for a long time. She looked back out the window. He stayed seated next to her, figuring it did her some good. He hadn’t expected her question.
“Vhy did zey do it? Vhat did I do wrong?”
He wished Jarrod were here for this question. He was sure he would have an answer that would ease her mind. He knew she needed to know. How could they ever expect her to heal, if she couldn’t answer those questions?
“First of all, YOU did nothing wrong….”
She had expected that and cut him off. “Maybe if I had not fought zem… or been nicer?”
“NO!” It was rougher then he wanted, and he felt her flinch. “I tell ya. You did nothing wrong. I don’t know why some men do those things. It’s wrong.”
Her voice was nothing more then a whimper now. “But, vhy me? I must hafe done somezing.”
“If not you, it would have been someone else, Honey. You were at the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s not your fault. God help them, if it hadn’t have been you, it would have been some other woman, and she might not have been as lucky.”
Her eyes flew open wide and she glared at him. “Lucky?”
“Yeah, lucky. First, you had your father and now, you have us to help you. I promise you, if you let us help, this will only make you stronger.”
“How can you help me?”
“Give us a chance and see.”
“But what I did…”
“What did you do?”
“I verked in da saloon…”
“So?”
“I let ozer men...”
He placed his finger on her lips and silenced her. “It does not matter one bit.”
“People vill talk.”
“So? What else is new? Then in a couple weeks, something new will come along. Knowing me, I’ll be involved in it somehow.” He smiled and he was rewarded with the faintest of smiles from her.
“Heaz vill not vant me… after vhat I hafe done.”
“He does, too. Trust me. I know him better then anyone else. He loves you.”
“Ve’ll see.”
“Yes, you will.”
When they arrived in
“Amalia…”
“Bitte, Jarrod. Nein.”
“Why won’t you look at me?”
She was silent and stared at her feet.
“Please, Amalia. Talk to me?”
“I have nozing to say.” She took a deep breath. “You are an important man. I do not understand vhy you take dis time for me.”
He smiled. “I was rather hoping you were on the way to becoming a member of the family. I always have time for family.”
“I can not join your family. I have disgraced myself.”
He lost his smile and assumed his most serious voice. With one hand he took her hand and with the other he turned her face toward him. “You have not disgraced anyone. No one in our family will think any differently if you choose to tell them where you have been.”
He saw the surprise on her face. “You have not told zem?”
“No. It really doesn’t matter.”
This sent her mind reeling. What on earth was she going to do now?
Nick soon arrived with the buggy and Amalia
settled herself in the back seat alone.
Nick and Jarrod chatted in the front seat about upcoming events. Nick turned to check on Amalia
and found her sound asleep across the seat.
Her sleep was so sound, she hadn’t noticed when he carried her up the
grand staircase to her room and laid her in bed.
“Poor thing is exhausted. How on earth did you convince her to come back?”
“That, Mother Dear, I must go talk to Heath about first.”
“Heath?”
“He was calling for her…” Jarrod’s smirk lightened the room.
“Yeah, he was so bad off and all…” Nick’s grin was equally devilish.
“You lied to her?”
“Mother, lie? No.” Jarrod was enjoying the play on the truth.
“Not exactly.” Nick convinced her. “We’re both pretty sure he wanted her to come, right?”
“Yes. Nick does have that sixth sense when it comes to Heath. He just knew.”
She shook her head, but smiled. “So, now you’re going to tell Heath what he wanted?”
“Something like that.”
“He was just drifting off to sleep when I last checked on him. Will you wake him?”
“Let’s check to see if he is sleeping.”
The brothers entered Heath’s room and found him dozing. He woke at their entrance into the room.
“Boy howdy, miss me so much, you couldn’t wait until morning to see me?”
“Sure enough. How ya doing, Little Brother?” Nick turned the chair next to the bed around and sat. Jarrod sat at the end of the bed.
“Why do I suspect there is something going on?”
“Now, Brother Heath, we brought you a gift.”
“A saw to cut these casts off?”
“Not quite.”
“Humph! That’s about all I need right now.”
“What would you say if we told you we brought you a special visitor?”
“I’d say I am a bit tired of this room and my temper shows it, so maybe you better just be out with it.”
“We found Amalia.”
Heath was silent as the words sunk in. “She’s here?”
“Yep!”
“She came willingly?”
“You can’t possibly think we forced her?” Jarrod was nervous about Heath’s reaction. He had expected him to be more excited.
“I’m kinda tired. Nice to have you home though.” Heath settled himself back into his pillows and his brothers got the hint loud and clear. It concerned them both.
Amalia woke with the sun. When she first opened her eyes, she was
confused. Then she remembered coming to
“Welcome home!”
Tears welled in the girl’s eyes. “I can not stay.”
Amalia eyed the woman who had come as close as anyone to being a mother and believed her words. “Sank you.”
“If I may be honest, you look as if you could use a good hot breakfast and a long hot bath.”
Amalia couldn’t stop the smile on her face.
“I know you didn’t take all of your clothes with you.” She stood up and walked over to the wardrobe and removed a robe. “I’ll go start the bathwater and you get changed.”
Amalia nodded. She changed into the robe and moved down the hall, where the bathwater steamed. She slid in and relaxed. Mrs. Barkley had been right. It felt good. She pulled her head under the water and used some of Audra’s soap to clean her hair and then her body. When the water had cooled, she stood and dried herself off. And went back to her room, where a tray waited with still warm breakfast awaited her. She ate heartily and dressed in one of the gowns they had previously given her.
For the first time in as long as she could remember, Amalia felt like a girl. It felt good. She felt the smallest tinglings of confidence in her soul. She thought about Heath and what she might say to him as she combed her hair. No matter how hard she tried, the words wouldn’t come to her. She began to dread the moment. It came, however, sooner then she would have liked.
Groomed and dressed for the day, she thought she would go outside and visit Sunny, the horse she used to ride, before seeing Heath. As she trod into the hallway, she saw that Heath’s door was open. There was no way she would get past without him seeing her.
She turned to go back to her room, when she heard a thud and him call out. Fearing something had happened she hurried to his room.
“Do you need help?” She was a bit breathless, whether from the hustle or the sight of him, she did not know.
He stared at her. His brothers had said she was here, but he hadn’t really believed them. “I just dropped the book.” He pointed to the book on the floor at the side of his bed. She moved in and handed it back to him, without looking at it.
“Are you well?” She looked at him with concern. A tray on his bed revealed a half eaten breakfast.
“I’m a might sick of these already, but fine enough, I guess.” He pointed to his cast legs under the blanket.
“Zey told me you vere dying.” Her voice was quiet. She felt foolish. They had lied to her. She had known it deep down.
“I’m sorry, they lied to you.” He paused. “Is that why you came?”
“I do not know vhy I came. I vill go.” In a voice barely above a whisper, she added. “I am sorry.” She turned and moved slowly toward the door.
“I’m sorry I kissed you.”
She stopped, but didn’t turn to face him.
“Vas?”
“I’m sorry I scared you that night at the dance. I wish I had known you would leave because of it.”
She turned back to him and shook her head. “I did not leave because of ze kiss.”
He looked lost. “Then why?”
“You deserve better zen me.”
“Damn it. I am tired
of that line,
“You…”
“Nein!
She shook her head and moved back toward the door. She was just out of reach when a white sleeve grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door shut, locking her in. She turned back to Heath in time to see the smile spread across his face and a chuckle escape his lips.
“You haven’t answered me.” He smiled at the help. The frustration of his situation now not an issue.
She backed up until her back was against the door. She used its oak strength to gather her resolve.
“I can not.”
“See, that wasn’t so hard.”
As if her bones disappeared, she slid down the door. She muttered repeatedly, “I am so sorry.”
“Stop that! Come here! Bitte!” She made no move. “You’ve gotta come here, because I can’t get to you right now!” Still she sat there. Seeing no other option, He pulled himself upright and threw back the covers. She watched as he attempted to move his legs over the side of the bed.
“Nein. You must not.”
“Then come here.”
She stood slowly and moved to the side of his bed. He took her arms and pulled her down to him. Tears flew steadily down her cheeks.
“Please tell me those are tears of happiness. You’ve cried too many tears of pain. I intend to make sure you only cry tears of
joy the rest of your life,
“Heaz…”
“Shush! Just let me look at you.”
“Dese last weeks… I…”
“I don’t care.”
“But…”
“I don’t care about anything but our future.” She stayed silent and a small smile graced
her lips from somewhere deep within. “
She nodded her head. He moved his hands to either side of her face and pulled her down. For the first time, their lips touched. Heath knew a major damn had broken. The tingles she had felt earlier returned and magnified in the wake of this first, gentle, lover’s kiss. She pulled back.
“I love you Heaz Barkley.”
He held her hands and they talked late into the morning. She opened her heart and bore her soul. She didn’t tell him everything, but enough. He sat silently and listened. He held her hands firmly, never letting her pull them back.
Nick’s smile lit the room as he descended the stairs.
“Nicholas, why on earth are you smiling so?”
“I just locked Amalia in Heath’s room.”
“What?”
“She was trying to bolt. I made sure she stayed.”
“You’re certain they are meant to be?”
“Aren’t you?”
Her only answer was her smile. She moved to his side and kissed his cheek.
They had talked at length about recent events and both knew they needed a change of topic. It had been a difficult and long morning. Amalia rolled her neck and attempted to loosen the stiffened muscles and as she did so, she finally noticed the book that had fallen to the floor. It was Faust.
“You are reading Faust?”
“You recommended it.”
She laughed. “I did not.”
He was confused. “You did, too. You said you’d read it several times.”
She laughed again. “Because it is difficult to read.”
It was Heath’s turn to laugh. “So I shouldn’t feel bad about not finding it all that interesting?”
The smile never faded from her lips. “It has some good lines.”
“There was one that reminded me of you.”
“Really?” She blushed. “Which one?”
“Who would not fall in love with you?”
She blushed even more. “May that which works and lives, the ever-growing, in bonds of love enfold you.”
“I haven’t read that line yet. I like it.”
The days and weeks passed as Amalia learned to love and opened her heart fully to this man and his family. Under Heath’s devotion, she began to grow from a shy, timid, scared girl, into a still quiet, but confident and secure young woman. The entire family marveled at the changes and embraced her.
She was not completely healed. She was still nervous around strangers. She rarely left the ranch and if she did, was
never alone. Each Saturday morning, she
would ride with Nick over to the small cemetery used for Barkley hands. He would wait as she checked the flowers and
kept the plot neat and tidy. She
explained to Nick that a burial plot was sacred in
That particular Saturday morning, she was quieter then usual. Nick was sure something was wrong, but didn’t really want to ask. He figured he would mention it to Heath instead. She didn’t allow him the chance.
“Nick? Have you told Heaz how you found me zat night?”
“Huh? He knows we trailed you, if that’s what you mean?”
“No. I mean how you found me.”
“Oh, well… I don’t figure that was my place.”
“I have not told him.” Nick was silent. “Should I?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“I zink I might have done it, you know.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
“You’re too strong.”
“No, I am not.”
“Like hell. Look what you have been through. If you really wanted to, you would have long before then.”
“You really zink so?”
He reined
She smiled and blushed. “Sank you, Nick, for eferyzing. You could have given up on zis stubborn German.”
“No way. You’re too much fun to tease. And we have got to work on your th’s.” He prodded