Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program Big Valley are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the authors. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted by the author.

 

 Hearts Pursuing… by Frauee

 

 

Author’s Note:  When last we left the Barkley-Winthrop Saga (agony?), the brother’s had returned with Isabel.  The triangle has become a circle, involving the entire family and Isabel and Heath seem destined to be together.  (You know however, I will not make it an easy journey.)  Heath has just claimed their first kiss, in the study, with the family watching.  We rejoin the family now. (Remember, when Heath addresses Isabel as Bella.  It is the Spanish “j” for the ll’s.)

 

The world had suspended it spinning.  Heath and Isabel were locked in a universe of their own.  Heath’s unexpected and very open choice for their first kiss was filling Isabel with sensation after sensation.  She never wanted it to end and chided herself for delaying it so long.  She had meant to tease, to heighten the experience; she had no idea it would be like this. 

 

Heath was likewise enraptured.  He had enjoyed the teasing torment and denial of her lips.  He watched her laughing and bantering with his brothers and had felt such overpowering need to claim her lips; he had forgotten that the family was even in the room.  There was no one else present except her.  He had moved quickly to tame her lips before they had a chance to escape.  It was heaven.  From somewhere deep inside, the kiss remained appropriate, but her tender soft lips melded with his.  He honestly felt as if their souls were exchanging and he loved it.

 

The prodding of a pool cue into his ribs reinstated the passage of time.  It was Nick.

 

“Ah, brother dear, do you mind?  We’re playing pool here.”

 

Laughter filled the room as Jarrod joined Nick in jest.

 

“I wonder what the record is for going without oxygen?  You two might have beaten it.”

 

Isabel blushed.  She was sure her face would ignite at any moment.  

 

To add insult to injury, Audra and Victoria added their comments as well.

 

“Well big brother, I think that scored very well for a first kiss, don’t you think mother?”

 

“Yes dear, I am sure Isabel enjoyed it as well as we did.”

 

Heath was also blushing and surprised at his mother’s comment.  He expected it from his siblings, but her?  He didn’t really care.  He would treasure that moment forever, until he saw a fleeting measure of distress pass through Isabel’s eyes.  It hadn’t lasted long, but he saw it and made note to ask her.  As if to confirm his thoughts, Isabel stated that she was tired.  She hopped back to the settee for her cane and began to leave.  Heath quickly offered to assist her.  She politely denied him and encouraged him to go back to his game.  She bid everyone good night and left the room

 

Nick sensed something amiss as well.  He had read the look of concern on both Isabel and heath’s face.  She had made it clear by rejecting his offer that she was not ready to discuss anything, so he attempted to lighten the mood and get his brother back into the game.

 

“Well Brother Heath, you had better not kiss her like that often.  It wears her out.”  He clapped him on the back and turned him back to the table. 

 

Heath figured they should talk, but saw they she did not want to do so then, so he willed himself back into the game.

 

The family had gone to bed and Heath had gone out to the barn to check an injured horse Duke had told him about.  It could have waited until morning, but he needed the air.  As he climbed the stairs he wondered if he would sleep that night.  Interactions with Bella, good or bad, had a habit of shaping his dreams.  His thoughts were interrupted by her exit from the bathroom. 

 

“I thought you’d be asleep.”

 

“I, uh,” She indicated the door behind her and made a step forward.  As she so often had, she stepped with her injured foot and winced at the pain it still sent through her leg.  He noted and swooped in to her rescue before she could protest.  He carried her to her room and set her gently on the bed.

 

He spoke first.  “You are a stubborn woman.  For as much as it hurts, you still forget and try walking on it.  Boy Howdy, the doctor thinks Nick and I are difficult.”  He was rewarded with a smile.

 

“Thanks.”  She paused a moment and then looked into his eyes.  She knew she had perplexed him with her abrupt departure tonight and she knew she owed him more then that.  “I’m sorry about tonight.”

 

“No, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”

 

She smiled again.  “No, you should.”  She now laughed.  “That was amazing.”

 

“The teasing was a bit much, but they meant well.”

 

‘I know. It’s just…” she stopped.  She wasn’t sure what words to use.

 

“You can tell me anything.  I promise I will understand.”

 

“I need, I dunno, I feel like we have to take it slowly Heath.”  She watched his face for a reaction.  She saw confusion and angst.  She hated telling him she wanted to take it slow; it smelled of her one time romantic relationship with Nick and his proposal.  She prayed he would not take it that way and she would find the words to make him understand. 

 

“I love you and if you will have me, one day I want to be your wife.  But so much has happened…  I want you to be sure I am worth all you have invested.”

 

“I do and I am.”

 

He wasn’t following her.  “It is not that I care for you or for me, but for them I do.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“People saw Nick and I as a couple until recently, if we just show up on the town; people will talk.  I know the family won’t care.  But is it fair to them, especially Nick?  I know he says he is fine and supports our love, but that doesn’t mean he is totally healed and ready for us to be so, so visible.  Maybe he is and I assume too much, but I don’t want to risk hurting him anymore.”

 

“So what you are saying is, we need to find Nick a girlfriend before we go public?”  He understood what she was saying, and agreed.  It had worried him too.  He felt the need to rile her a bit.

 

She laughed.  She saw right through his intent.  “No.  We have the rest of our lives.  I’m not going anywhere.  Let’s take our time and do this right.”

 

“I agree.  So, will you marry me?”

 

“No.  I mean not from that proposal.”

 

“What?  I gotta have the right proposal?”

 

She smiled and her green eyes flashed like the minx she was.  He loved every minute of it.  She turned him on his heels at every opportunity and he couldn’t get enough of it. 

 

“Yep!  Keep trying.”

 

“What if I give up and stop asking?”

 

“Then I’ll ask you.”

 

“And if I say no?”

 

She placed her hand behind his neck and pulled him to her.  Their lips met and this time, unobserved, there was no warning from deep within and his tongue parted her lips and tasted her passion.  As he leaned in and his hand went to her bed for stability, the reality of where they were and how inappropriate it was thundered in on him and he pulled back slowly and with a smile.

 

“I see.  Good Night Bella.”

 

“Good night Cowboy.”

 

(2)

 

With everyone’s mind in sync, the family settled into a busy routine.  Duke McCall, Barkley foreman for many years, had done an excellent job running things while the boys were gone.  The family decided on a handsome financial reward and a month off to repay him.  He gratefully accepted and headed out for places unknown.  Nick and Heath worked long hours catching things up.  The family was rarely together, except meals, something Victoria insisted on. 

 

Isabel filled her days working on Barkley-Winthrop.  They had indeed decided to locate the facilities on the Winthrop land.  Just over the knoll from the river and her beloved oak tree, they set about building the first corrals.  Although it was never overtly discussed, they began plans with a simple office attached to the barn with a separate bunkhouse.  The main house, once built and occupied by Heath and Isabel, would be the head quarters.

 

Isabel traveled to San Francisco on several occasions to speak with architects and various suppliers.  She was never allowed to travel alone and on these trips it was usually Jarrod who accompanied her on the auspice of business at his bay area office.  She did not enjoy having a constant chaperone.  She knew it burdened the family, but it was one battle she knew she would never win.  Deep down, it relived her to know someone was watching her.  The kidnapping experience had left her shaken and she often still had nightmares.

 

She and Heath had made good the vow to remain low-key and not rush their relationship.  He was busy and this prevented them from the “normal” routines of courtship, such as dinners and picnics, but they did manage to spend time each day together, even if it was a simple ride out to that day’s work site together.  No one out side the family even suspected they were together beyond friendship.

 

What remained of the summer was spent in work and so too the beginning of fall.  On one ride in the early morning, Heath and Izzy discussed the upcoming harvest festival. 

 

“I don’t care what you say in this matter Heath, I am entering.  Even Jarrod says there is nothing in the rules to prohibit me.  This is Hera’s last chance to shine.  She needs this for the future.”

 

“Bella, women don’t enter the race, they cheer the men on.  I was hoping you’d be at the end to give me a kiss when I win.”

 

“Well, I’ll be at the end when you get there.”  She smiled coyly at him.  “Besides, who says Charger will beat Nick and Zeus.  Something I should know?”

 

“Charger and I have caught you before, we can do it again. Why not plan on beating Nick too.”  He loved this moment.  He really didn’t care if she wanted to enter the race.  He didn’t even care about winning.  He just liked watching the fire in her eyes as she argued.  With the sun rising, creating a halo around her silhouette, the complexity of her being was exposed.  He was just happy to be with her.

 

She stopped her horse, and Heath followed suit.  She was taking his breath away.  “Have you and Nick raced?”  She looked to his face for a clue to his answer when he gave none.  She knew them both well enough to know they had.  “Who won?”

 

A wicked smile teased his lips.  “Accept my proposal right here and now, and I’ll tell ya.”

 

She returned his wicked smile.  “No need to.  I’ll find out Saturday when you both cross the line after me and Hera.”  She spurred Hera on, leaving him smiling.

 

Preparations for Saturday were finished and the family was loaded and headed into town.  It would be a full day.  The race began at 10am.  Then there would be contests, events and demonstrations all day.  A large town picnic would precede an even larger street dance.  It was such a long day, that each Barkley packed an overnight case and they had reserved rooms at the hotel.

 

Nick was still not happy that she had entered the race.  He said it was improper; but deep down he was scared.  He had raced Heath, now it was a public battle with both other horses.  Any one of them could win.

 

The town knew it was big too.  The wagering was intense.  Until Zeus’s appearance, Charger and Heath were the finest combination in the region.  They thought and acted as one and were unbeatable.  Everyone knew it.  No one had seen Zeus in full glory, but they knew he was an impressive mount.  Zeus may have been a powerful horse, but he carried a heavier rider and was not a native horse.  He was unknown under these conditions.  Then there was Isabel.  Many refused to bet on her, simply because she was a woman.  Those who knew horseflesh knew she had an equally impressive mount and she definitely had a weight advantage over the men.  It was going to be the race of the century, as far as Stockton was concerned.  Anticipation was building.

 

It wasn’t anticipation that was building in Isabel.  She had come this far, but nerves were threatening to overpower her.  Heath noticed her tension.  He took Hera’s reins and sent Isabel on a walk to clear her mind and relax.  She smiled and thanked him.  As soon as she had left, Nick moved closer.

 

“Why are you helping the enemy?” 

 

“It’s gonna be a great race Nick.  Relax.”

 

“She could get hurt you know.”

 

“So could you big brother.”

 

He turned to look at Nick and saw him messing with Isabel’s saddle.

 

“Nick!  What are you doing?  Leave her saddle be!”

 

“I was just checking the cinch.  Relax yourself.”

 

Isabel returned with the rest of the family.  There were ‘good lucks’ and ‘may the best man, or woman, wins’.  Nick kept plying Jarrod for information on whom he had bet on, but Jarrod refused to budge.  “I’m not stupid Brother Nick.” 

 

Heath came to Isabel’s side and kissed her quickly on the cheek.  “For luck, see you when you cross the line.”

 

Not to be out down, she leaned in and tied her scarf around his neck.  “For your luck, I’ll be waiting for it when you cross the finish.”  And she kissed him.  Although they thought no one was watching them, it was there first public kiss.  Someone had noticed and was not happy about it.

 

“What?  Anyone got any luck for me?”  Nick complained to anyone who would listen. 

 

Audra approached him and gave him a peck on the cheek.  “For Luck, brother Nick, you’re going to need it.”  He swatted her behind gently for her less then enthusiastic support.  They all laughed and Nick boasted.  “Aw to heck with you all, I don’t need any luck.  These guys will be looking at Zeus’ backside the entire way.

 

They mounted up and waited tensely for the starters pistol fire.  Ever vigilant for Isabel’s safety, Nick and Heath had taken places on either side of her.  The crowds were thick and buzzing with excitement.  The riders struggled to calm their mounts, which felt the attitude in the air.  Just before the starting shot, Nick and Heath met eyes and winked at each other.

 

Bang!

 

They were off in a cloud of dust.  It was ironic, because of the dust kicked up, no one truly saw who got out first.  There were several stations along the route, but no one would really know who was ahead until they pounded back into town toward the finish.  The crowd adjusted itself to prepare for the electrifying finish.

 

None of the three knew, or at least ever said what had gone through their minds that day.  It would be the first and last time the three ever raced.  The only thing clear to the observer was that one of the three would win.  During the entire course, which wound around outside of town and then back, each horse and rider at some time held the lead.

 

(So folks~ Who should win????)

 

(3)

 

As they thundered back into town, all three had managed to stay together and were far ahead of the rest of the pack.  The crowd roared.  It would be close.  Judges panicked in those fleeting seconds, praying that there was a clear winner.  No one wanted to anger a Barkley or a Winthrop.

 

As they cleared the final turn and thundered into the final stretch to the finish, if you could look closely, you might have seen Izzy lean in to her horse.  Had it not flown by so quickly, you might have heard her challenge the horse to win this one race, for both of them.  “Show the boys who’s boss Hera.  Be the queen you were named for!”  It worked.  Hera ran for all she was worth and pulled ahead of both men and crossed the finish line, by a length. 

 

Isabel’s hands flew to the air in pure victorious pleasure.  She ran the horse down the street to slow and calm her.  Nick, Heath and the other riders followed as the crowd ran to surround them as they dismounted.  If they had lost to anyone else, man or woman, it might have been different, but this was Isabel.

 

The brother’s gathered first and clapped each other on the back and exchanged knowing smiles.  Then Heath was full body slammed by a force of nature known as Isabel.  He hugged her to him and twirled her around shouting his congratulations.  Nick grabbed her then and hugged her as well.  The family soon joined.  The judges fought through the crowd to present Isabel and Hera with the blue ribbon.  She accepted graciously and thanked her competition.  Heath and Nick had tied for second, but that had been a guess on the part of the judges.  They hadn’t actually seen it, and they shared the ribbon.  The crowds, now satisfied, moved on.  Many went to collect their winnings or pay their debts and others to the next events. 

 

The trio, with the rest of the family in tow, headed to the livery to give each horse a well earned rub down and cooling off.  For as hard as they had worked, their riders would personally see to their comfort.  Isabel was glowing and chatting with Hera as if the others weren’t present.  They smiled at her joy.  Even Nick was happy for her victory, but promised it would be her last.  He cringed with fear however, when she went to remove her saddle.  He jumped in.

 

“Hey Dizzy, let me do that.  You go hold your ribbon.”

 

“Nick, I have been saddling and unsaddling my horse for as long as I can remember, I don’t need to hold the…” her voice cut out as she discovered the treachery.  “What the..”

 

Nick backed off.  Under her saddle were leather pockets filled with sand.  It was apparent to all that someone had tried to add extra weight to her horse.  She looked at Heath, who was as lost as she and then turned on Nick, who continued to back away.

 

“Nicholas Jonathon Barkley!  How could you?”  She began to close in on him

 

“Hey, it was just a little joke.  It wasn’t much.”  He gestured toward the weights, hoping to distract her long enough for a getaway.  “Feel for yourself.”  It wasn’t working.  She increased her speed in his direction, now followed by Heath and the rest of the family, curious as to what would happen.  “Ya won anyway.”

 

That did it.  Isabel ran forward and launched herself into him.  He fell backwards into a pile of hay and tried to throw her off.  For a moment, Victoria was drawn back 20 or so years to when they were children.  Finding them wrestling in the hay had not been usual.  She smiled, however, at their ages, it was now highly inappropriate.  She glanced at the door to see if anyone was looking.  She then moved to stop them, but saw Heath advance instead. 

 

In one smooth move, Heath had grabbed Izzy around the waist and pulled her up.  His next comment brought everyone to such laughter, they cried.

 

“If anyone’s rolling in the hay with her, its me big brother!”

 

The incident was temporarily forgotten, but Izzy would have her revenge and she hoped soon.

 

As they finished their horses and started to rejoin the crowds, Victoria suggested that Isabel might want to clean up.  She turned to the shop window behind her and saw the sight.  Her hair, which had been in braids to keep out of her face was scattered everywhere and her clothes were dirty and filled with bits of straw.  With the braids and jeans she was wearing, one might have guessed she was a tomboy of 14, not a young woman in love.  She laughed and turned toward the hotel, as two strangers approached their group. 

 

She didn’t know them, but it was obvious the family did.  The greetings were pleasant, but not overly warm.  Heath had tried to ignore the twist in his heart and looked to Isabel for reassurance.  He instantly read the confusion on her face.  He pulled her forward and introduced her.

 

“Um, I would like you to meet Don Alfredo Montero and his daughter Maria.” 

 

Isabel hoped the panic in her heart had not been reflected in her face.

 

“How do you do?”  She curtsied slightly, suddenly extremely embarrassed for her appearance.  Heath then moved to introduce her and she wanted to crawl away.

 

“This is my, I mean, Isabella Winthrop, a good friend of the family.”

 

They nodded.  Victoria, sensing the awkward situation, stepped in and started up small talk.  Isabel drifted away.  Crawling away wasn’t good enough; she wanted to die right then and there.  Heath hadn’t known what to call her.  She wasn’t a fiancée, or family member; she was a friend.  And she had just met Heath’s first true love.  She wondered how to get the vice grip off her heart. 

 

Maria’s next words brought her from her thoughts.  “So we’ll see you all this evening at the dance.  I’ll look forward to it.  Nice to meet you Miss Winthrop.”

 

She found her voice speaking with out having been told to do so.  “Likewise, Miss Montero.”

 

The Montero’s moved off and no one spoke.  There was too much floating through everyone’s mind.  Victoria broke the silence.  “I’m sure Maria is enjoying having time with her father.  She went back east and he has been in San Francisco most of the time.”

 

Nick growled, “She’s got some nerve showing up here.”

 

Heath’s next statement did nothing to ease Izzy’s mind.  “Nick, she’s got as much right to be here as you or I.  Lets go hit those arm wrestling contests.  Maybe one of us can win that.  Or maybe your gonna follow Jarrod as he picks up his winnings?” 

 

“What?  You bet on Dizzy to win?  How could you?”

 

Jarrod merely laughed and tried to escape Nick’s fury.

 

Heath smiled at Izzy and kissed her cheek before telling her he would see her later and ran to catch up with his brothers.  Someone had to save Jarrod.  Of course, he would then need Jarrod’s help as he collected his winnings.

 

A frustrated Isabel left to clean up.  She had brought a dress to change into, but she eyed it sadly.  It was plain and ordinary.  She felt an overwhelming need to shine tonight.  She threw the dress back on the bed and left the room without cleaning up.  She returned to the livery, saddled Hera and rode home.  She would miss the festival, but it didn’t matter however; tonight would.

 

Hearts Pursuing (4)

 

If Silas was surprised by Izzy’s arrival back at the ranch, he didn’t show it.  He merely asked if she needed anything and she said no.  She marched up the stairs and ran a hot bath.  She poured in her finest soaps and scents.  She quickly climbed in and soothed her body.  She washed her hair and then oiled her skin to soften it.  She was careful to dry her hair so as to allow its full measure of curls.  The old biddies in town might think her sinful, but Heath loved them.  Next she packed up a different dress and went downstairs. 

 

She left Hera in her stall and hitched a mare to the buggy and rode back to town.  It was already late in the day and they were setting up for the picnic.  She had no interest in food at that moment.  She stole up the rear stairs to the room she shared with Audra and completed her make over with painstaking care.  It wasn’t a fancy ball, but she planned to steal Heath’s breath and any thoughts of Maria Montero from him.  Tonight Stockton would know that Heath Barkley was hers and there would be no other takers.

 

Halfway through the dinner hour, the family had finally drifted together.  Everyone noticed Isabel’s absence.  The brother’s had assumed she was with the woman all day and vice versa.  When they all learned no one had seen her, they moved quickly to find her.  They split up.  They had let their guard down and prayed she had not paid the price for it.  Victoria and Audra went to the hotel and found her finishing up her toiletry.

 

Though relieved, they were both surprised.  “That’s not the dress you packed this morning.”  Audra eyed the other dress on the bed.  “Did you go buy a new one?” 

 

“No, I forgot some things, so I went back to the ranch.”  She was nonchalant, but Victoria saw the signs and smiled.

 

“You look lovely darling, but you should have let us know you were going.  Someone could have come with you.  We were worried.”   

 

“It was hardly necessary to keep someone else from the festivities due to my foolishness.  I’m sorry if it worried you.” 

 

Both women took the opportunity to quickly freshen up and then turned to leave for dinner.  Isabel did not follow them. 

 

“Aren’t you coming to dinner?” 

 

“No thank you.  I’m not hungry.”  And as a second thought, she added.  “Could you ask Heath to come get me before the dance?” 

 

“Yes dear, but don’t you think you should eat something?”

”Really, I’m fine.  I need to finish my hair.  Thanks.  I’ll see you later.”

 

They left and Isabel turned back to her mirror.  She methodically turned locks of hair around her finger to reshape them and then pulled each side up and locked it back with a comb.  She smiled when she was finished.  She was not typically a vain woman, always comfortable in Nick’s old jeans on a horse, or in a ball gown, but she felt good.  She moved to the chair near the window and watched for Heath.  She would meet him at the top of the stairs.  Her stomach was a flutter of butterflies. 

 

Audra and Victoria met back with the brothers, who reported no luck.  Victoria reassured them that she was in the hotel and asked Heath to pick her up after he had eaten.  She smiled, knowing the beauty that awaited him.

 

“Is she ok?”

 

“She’s fine.  She just wanted to clean up before the dance.”

 

They gathered plates of food and found seats, spending an enjoyable time relating each other’s events of the day.  Soon, as dusk fell and the food had been eaten, men began to clear away tables.  Other men brought out strings of lanterns and set out luminaries.  This simple Stockton street had been transformed in minutes to a grand ballroom under the stars.  Heath left to get Izzy, as he had been asked.

 

She saw him approached and she ran for the stairs.  The effort, combined with Heath’s appearance, brought the perfect blush to her cheeks.  She waved to him from the top of the stairs and began her way down, slowly, but not so slow as to be obvious.

 

Heath’s heart leapt at the sight of her.  To think that the woman, who had beaten him in the race this morning, was this vision thrilled him.  She had washed her hair and left it in its curly splendor.  He dreamed of running his fingers through that hair.  She wore a dress that highlighted her body to perfection and its green color set off her eyes.  She took his breath away.  Then she smiled at him and he felt like he would pass out.

 

“Good Evening Cowboy” She said as she reached the bottom step.  “I hear there’s a dance nearby.  Care to escort a lady?”

 

He must have been breathing, for he had a voice.  “My pleasure Bella.”  He paused, and then added with a breathless voice.  “You look amazing.  I’m gonna have to fight the men off.”

 

“I’m only dancing with you cowboy, only you.”

 

He offered her his arm and she accepted.  Before stepping out the door, he bent in quickly for a kiss.  “Marry me?”

 

“Not tonight!”

 

They proceeded to the dance and were greeted by friends and family.  The music had started and many were dancing, but Heath and Izzy kept getting interrupted and stopped on their way to the dance area.  Although it was not their first dance, it was their first public appearance.  And although they were both happy to be together, they also were a bit timid at Stockton’s reaction.  Had they forgotten that Nick and Isabel were most recently and item?  Heath was most concerned for Isabel’s reputation.  He was sure the old biddies were figuring Jarrod would be her next prey.  He intended to shield her as much as possible.  Isabel was concerned for Nick, but Heath as well.  He had fought to prove his worth to the town.  She didn’t want to undo the work he had done.

 

Just as they were about to dance, Maria swept in.  Isabel stiffened, preparing to attack if necessary. 

 

“Miss Winthrop, I would have hardly recognized you.  You clean up beautifully.”  She turned to Heath and before Isabel could react, she pulled his arm to lead him to dancing.  Isabel heard her bantering about having been searching for him all night long.  Nick had witnessed the scene and saw the look in Izzy’s eyes, altered his course and swept in to rescue her.

 

He blew in from her side and snaked his arm around her waist and led her in the same direction. 

 

“Dance with me beautiful?”  She was too stunned to disagree.  Nick pulled her into the dance stance and she followed through the movements.  It was obvious she had gone to great measures to look perfect for Heath tonight after today’s disastrous introduction.  He guessed that Heath had shared his relationship with Maria.  Nick’s heart ached as he watched her fight back the tears brimming in her eyes.  ‘Damn Maria’ he thought to himself.  ‘She’s just here to cause trouble.  Just when they need it least.’  To make matters worse, Mr. and Mrs. Tomkins were dancing past he and Isabel and commented to them on what a fine couple they made.  Isabel could hold back no more and abruptly fled the area.  Nick followed.

 

Heath had also been watching them from the corner of his eye.  Maria had been chatting with him about her life so far and had asked him some basic questions.  She could tell he was watching them.  His thoughts were broken when she reached up and turned his face to meet hers.

 

“A lady likes to be attended Heath.”

 

He smiled.  “I know.  Look, Maria, I am happy to see you, but…” he paused and looked back at Nick and Izzy.

 

“So, Nick and Isabel are not the couple?”

 

“No… I, well, we will.”  He stopped and sorted his thoughts. “I love her and this was our night. If you don’t mind?”

 

She smiled at him.  “I’m happy for you, go.  Give her my apologies.  I hadn’t realized.”  She lied.

 

He turned to leave Maria, just as Isabel left Nick.  He followed both of them, caught up to Nick and waved him off.  Next he caught Isabel.  He took her face in his large work hewn hands and used his thumbs to gently wipe the tears that had slipped down across her cheeks.

 

“She’s beautiful.”  She sounded so sad through her sniffled comment.

 

“Not as beautiful as you” That had helped.  She breathed a little deeper.

 

“You loved her.”

 

“Once I thought I did.  I love you.”

 

“She was your first great love”

 

“And you are my last.”

 

He leaned down and claimed her tear soaked lips.  Her tears were salty against his lips.  She responded with an intensity that proved the depths of her love.  He held her a moment longer and then asked her for a dance. She smiled, wiped her face and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. They returned to the lantern lit ballroom.  He found himself enjoying her jealousy for a moment.  They danced the next three dances.  With each turn they lost more of their connection to that world and whirled into their own.

 

They paused to catch their breath and went for punch, together.  Isabel wasn’t letting Heath out of her sight or reach.  Heath may not love Maria, but that didn’t mean Maria was over him.  Isabel knew a thing or two about unbalanced love affairs and she was not going that direction again.

 

The evening continued on with no further interruption, unless you counted Jarrod and Nick.  Although well supplied with eligible ladies, the Barkley men always made room for dances with their favorite woman, their mother, Audra and now Isabel.  Heath had however, been monopolizing Izzy all night.  Despite attempts to the contrary, she danced with no other partners.  When Victoria, who typically only danced with her sons, commented that it appeared she would not dance with Heath that night, her eldest sons made a plan. 

 

Nick approached his brother, who was just leading Izzy out for another dance.  He tapped him on the shoulder and pinched him.  In his shock from the childish attack, he didn’t notice Jarrod plow through and sweep a laughing Isabel away. 

 

“Hey!  What was that for?”

 

“Didn’t your mama teach you to share?”

 

“Yeah, Didn’t yours teach you not to pinch?”

 

“She said pinching little brother’s who hog was alright.”

 

“I said no such thing, but Heath since your brothers have freed you up, may I?”  Victoria moved to Heath’s side.

 

Childlike behavior being as infectious as it is, Heath offered his mother his arm and turn to Nick, and stuck out his tongue at his harassing brother.

 

As Heath spun Victoria around the floor, Jarrod was enjoying his time with Isabel.  Her laughter came freely and was intoxicating.  The music was loud and fast and Isabel found her vision starting to swim.  Soon her mind was swinging in the opposite direction of her body and the world began to blur.  Jarrod noticed Isabel’s face grow pale in the lamplight and anticipated a problem; he danced her over to the side, just as she went limp in his arms.

 

(5)

 

Jarrod having been nimble in his retreat with Izzy, had prevented most people from witnessing her collapse.  However, Heath had kept an eye on her the whole time and had not missed Jarrod’s actions.  Nick had also witnessed the incident and went immediately to where he had last seen Dr. Merar and his wife.  He brought them quickly back to where the slumped girl was.

 

Isabel regained her senses and was embarrassed by the commotion.  She tried to stand, but her legs were not quite willing to comply.  Heath urged her to stay where she was and was relieved when Nick brought the doctor.  He had them to move her to her hotel room and he went quickly for his bag.  Despite the embarrassment, she relished the time in Heath’s strong arms as he hurried her to her room.

 

During the journey, Isabel complained greatly that this was a waste of time and that she was fine, but no one heeded her words.  They settled her on her bed and Victoria placed a cool cloth on her forehead, which Isabel tried to remove.  When the doctor reappeared, Victoria ushered the men out into the hallway.

 

It felt like New Orleans all over again, however, this time Heath did enough pacing for all of them. 

 

He suddenly turned on Jarrod and pointed his finger at his face. “You are not dancing with her again!”  And then he began to laugh when he realized his threat, his brothers quickly joining in to alleviate the tension.

 

Nick got a quizzical look on his face and Jarrod asked him what he was pondering.

 

“Um Heath, normal healthy woman don’t just swoon…  is there anything you’d like to share with us?  Maybe we might be expectin’ a little visitor?”  He raised his eyebrow and Heath went cherry red in the face. 

 

“You dumbass… NO!”

 

Any further retort was cut off by Victoria’s slight cough from the door, obvious to all she had heard their comments.  “She hasn’t eaten since breakfast.  Would one of you please go and get her something to eat.”

Jarrod offered and departed with a smile on his face at what had just transpired.  Heath, followed closely by Nick, was allowed to enter the room, where Isabel had changed into her nightdress and was complaining vehemently about wanting to return to the dance.

 

“I told you once young lady, you are done for the evening.  I am sure once we get some food into you, you will be much better, but your body needs to rest and absorb the food.  You are done!”  Dr. Merar had learned this tone from his many dealings with the Barkley’s and even Isabel as a child. 

 

“This is so stupid.  I am so embarrassed.”  Her cheeks were red with fluster.

 

“Darling, it’s alright.  These things happen.”

 

“Yeah, we’re just glad it’s not anything else.”  Nicks comments and wind were cut off by a sharp jab from Heath to his ribs.  He smiled and backed away.  Isabel looked at his questioningly, but Heath’s reaction told her to let it be.

 

Jarrod returned with several sandwiches and everyone stayed as she ate, which further frustrated her.  Satisfied that she would be fine, they departed to let her rest as per instructions.  Heath hung back and sat on the edge of her bed.

 

“As usual, I’m sorry.”

 

He smiled and kissed her cheek.  “I’m flattered.”

 

“huh?”

 

“Flattered that you cared so much for tonight, you forgot to eat.  But don’t do it again.  Boy howdy, it’s nice to be loved.”  He kissed the tip of her nose and she moved her face up so he could find her lips.  “Oh you want those kissed too?”  His smile was mischievous and she grinned.

 

“Yes please”

 

“Never could deny a pretty lady.”  And he leaned in and kissed her.  His tongue dared part her lips and taste her again and as before the situation hit him and he pulled back.  “Such temptation!  Good night Bella, sleep well.  I will see you first thing in the morning.”  And he left.  She rolled over onto her side and fell asleep cradled in the mere residue of his presence.  Her final waking thoughts fortified her more then the food had, ‘to hell with Maria Montero.’

 

BVBVBVBVBVBV

 

A few days later, Heath was working in the north pasture when he saw a rider approaching.  His first assumption was Isabel, but the shape was not right, so he straightened up and prepared to greet whoever it was.  As the rider drew closer, he was surprised to see that it was Maria.  Alarms went off in his head and heart.  He noted them, but took no overt action.

 

Maria smiled and greeted him warmly as she dismounted.  He returned her greeting.

 

“Heath, I know this may be awkward, but I need to talk.  I really did not like how we left things.”

 

“It’s over Maria.”

 

She smiled.  She could see his concern.  “I know and I am not here to get you back, I was just, I guess, feeling the need to talk.  I always felt like I could tell you anything.  Might we try to be friends again?”

 

“Sure, why not.”

 

“I took the liberty of bringing some lunch with, if you are interested.”

 

“I…”

 

“Heath, we are here in the open for anyone to see, join me for lunch as a peace offering?”

 

Against his better judgment he agreed.  They spread a blanket and she offered up tantalizing dishes.  He was impressed.  Today she expressed more interest in him and asked what the preceding years had brought him.  He told her general information, still wary of her intent.  After some time, he found himself drowsy.  He had eaten more lunch then he was typically used to and he decided that was reason enough.  He forced himself to keep a wake, not wanting to offend Maria by falling asleep.  Soon his eyelids grew so heavy, he could resist no more and drifted off into a deep sleep.  Maria smiled at the handsome cowboy who had just drifted off.

 

Meanwhile Don Alfredo was speaking to one of his new hands, Ed Toyer.  Ed said that he heard the Barkley’s had a bull that would be perfect to breed with a new heifer Montero had brought in.  He convinced Don Alfredo to ask the Barkley’s about the possibility and they set off to the Barkley ranch.

 

As he rode across the Barkley north pasture, he noticed his daughter’s horse grazing.  Scanning further, he saw another horse nearby.  For the rest of his life, he wished he could forget what he saw next.  He raged inside as he quickly dismounted and approached the couple.  He grabbed his whip and began to beat the blond Barkley bastard with it.  It was Maria, struggling to get her dress on, who stopped her father’s attack, as Heath struggled to make sense of what was happening. 

 

(6)  (Long Post!)

 

The sting of Montero’s whip was nothing compared to the confusion and pain in his head.  All of this was further complicated by his condition.  He looked up and saw Maria fastening her clothes, which had obviously been removed.  This caused him to glance at his own and he was stunned.  His shirt was off and his pants unbuttoned.  ‘Oh my god, what had he done?”

 

He found his shirt and tried to collect himself.  He remembered nothing.  All the while, Don Alfredo was ranting and raving.  Setting aside his whip, he drew his gun and pointed it at Heath.  Maria screamed.

 

“You will both come with me now to your family where we will settle this NOW!”

 

Both Maria and Heath were silent.  Neither had any idea of what was coming.  The one time Maria tried to speak, she was cut off severely.  They created quite a stir as they rode up to the house late that afternoon.  Nick and Jarrod had just returned from a trip into town and were still in the yard when they saw the foursome enter.  They both sensed the tension in the air.  Heath seemed to be swaying in his saddle a bit. 

 

As the approached the group, Don Alfredo simply said, “We must talk privately.”  Jarrod led the way in and to the study.  Victoria joined them and Isabel and Audra followed as well, very curious. 

 

Don Alfredo had taken complete control and no one seemed strong enough to supplant him.  He began.  “No father should ever have to witness what I just did.  You know how I feel about this man.”  He pointed to Heath, who said nothing and kept his head down.

 

Nick jumped to Heath’s defense first.  “Now wait just a minute…”

 

A roar in his face cut him off, “DO NOT INTERRUPT ME AGAIN!”

 

“This bastard” Everyone cringed at the word except the man using it. “Was found laying with my daughter in SIN in broad daylight for all the world to see.”

 

Isabel could not contain the loud gasp that sprung from her lips.  She was in shock.  It was a misunderstanding and she struggled for some way to help.  She slapped her hand to her mouth and wrapped her other around her waist.  Audra moved in closer to her, prepared to lend a hand if necessary.

 

Victoria rose to a stature beyond her physical means, and spoke directly to him.  “Don Alfredo, you are a guest in my home and I expect you to conduct yourself as such.  I am sure this is a simple misunderstanding and if you calm down, we can sort this out.”

 

He stopped and sized her up.  He lowered his voice and continued more calmly out of respect to her.  “They were lying in each others arms.  What other conclusion would you have me draw?  Isabel felt every ounce of strength leave her body and she looked to Heath, but got nothing.  His head still hung low.  He was lost.  He had no idea how this had happened.  It had to be a nightmare and he prayed Nick would come and wake him up at any minute. 

 

“You know very well how I feel about mixed blood; but now that it has gone this far, there must be a wedding and immediately.  I don’t care if the whole world guesses their shame.  These actions demand satisfaction.”

 

Jarrod now took control of the situation.  “Now Don Alfredo, even if what you say did happen.  There is no reason for a hasty marriage.”

 

“Not only has my daughter been shamed, but if even the slightest chance of a child exists, my demands must be met.  Maria will come with me and we will meet tomorrow morning at my Villa, where a preacher will be waiting. You have no choice.  You will come.  My daughter’s honor demands it.  The line of my family knows great shame tonight.  Take this step to attempt whatever reconciliation is possible. At least two great families will merge.” 

 

He took Maria’s arm and pulled her out.  She had said nothing.  She merely sat there looking down as Heath did, however tears fell down her face in steady silent streams. 

 

There was silence in the room for some time before anyone could find words to speak. 

 

“I’ll run.” Came Heath’s quiet suggestion.

 

“We’ll run.”  Isabel attempted to find strength in support of the man she loved, but it didn’t work for either.

 

Jarrod’s calming voice of reason beckoned to them.  “You can’t.  He’ll hunt you down and most likely kill you if you did that.”  He walked to his brother’s side and raised his face like a child, “Do you have any proof against what he says?”  Jarrod’s mind worked like this.  He was a man of reason and logic.  Everything happened for a reason in his world. 

 

“I don’t remember.”

 

“What?”  Came Nick’s frantic voice.  “What do you mean you don’t remember?  Things like this you remember brother.”

 

He took a deep breath and relayed his story, as he knew it.  Isabel held hers as he spoke.  Her heart was shattering inside.

 

“She came by and offered me lunch.  She said she wanted to just talk.  She understood that we were over and everything.”

 

Isabel began to weep silently.  He had just referred to her as ‘and everything’.   

 

He finally looked at Isabel and found some comfort in her wet eyes.  Despite the tears, she watched him and he took that for some hope.  “I figured it would be ok.  We ate and chatted.  Whatever we ate, made me sleepy and I nodded off.  The next thing I know, Don Alfredo is standing over me, hitting me with his whip.”

 

The room fell silent.  Jarrod did not.  “There has to be more Heath.  Why did he assume, you had been with her?”

 

“She… I…”

 

“Heath?”  It was Izzy’s voice raised in question that pierced his soul.

 

“We didn’t have all our clothes on.”

 

Isabel’s shoulders displayed her anxiety.  She fought to control the impulse to run.  How could this have happened?  Her mind was racing a thousand different directions.

 

Jarrod’s had already hit the solution.  “She drugged him.”

 

“Why?”  It had come from several people.

 

“That, I don’t know.  But we’re going to find out.”

 

“You mean to tell me she is so desperate…”  Nick let his statement fade.

 

They talked long into the night, each providing their take on what did and should happen.  It all boiled down to Maria.  Knowing that nothing would be done that night, Victoria finally ordered everyone to bed.  No one expected to sleep, but rest was to be tried. 

 

Heath grabbed Isabel’s hand as she passed, the last to leave on purpose.

 

“Bella?”

 

She smiled at him and kissed his lips.  “We’ll get through this.  Don’t worry.”

 

He found an amazing amount of strength in her simple words.  He believed her.

 

Morning dawned wet, cold and dreary.  If the family had wanted to admit it, they would have found the day very fitting for the events about to happen.  They dressed, ate and then boarded carriages and horses for the journey to the Montero Villa.  No one said anything.

 

When they entered the Montero home, they were ushered into a parlor and a preacher was indeed waiting.  Don Alfredo pulled Heath’s arm and directed him to the front of the room, where Maria waited silent and demurely.

 

“Now wait just a minute Don Alfredo, father.  We have heard Heath’s side of the story and now we want to hear Maria’s.”  Jarrod was in his element for his brother’s defense.

 

“How dare you?”

 

“We dare.”  It was Victoria.  She turned to Maria.  “Heath remembers nothing.”  She did that on purpose to rile the girl’s ego if possible.  “So of course, he, we, would like you to fill in the blanks.”

 

Maria’s head sank.  Tears welled in her eyes yet again.  “We had lunch and he began to get sleepy.  There was a chilly breeze and so I moved to cover him with the second blanket.”  She paused and seemed to collect her thoughts.  “He wasn’t asleep.  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him.”  She had been unable to resist kissing his sleeping form, but he had grabbed her wrist.  He then had said, “Bella”.

 

Dom Alfredo leapt at Heath, but met Nick instead.  “He forced you?”  Heath groaned. 

 

Her response was quiet. “No.”

 

Don Alfredo called Heath forward and he moved but was stopped by Nick.  “We’re not going to allow this.”  Nick stood firm. 

 

The angry father’s voice grew cold.  “I had hoped you would act honorable, but I prepared in case you did not.  “Atención!” From the hidden corners of the room and various archways appeared Montero men well armed.  The Barkley’s immediately drew their weapons, before Victoria ordered them put away.

 

“You would kill us Don Alfredo?”  She glared at him.

 

“I would have him die for dishonoring my daughter.  It is his choice.”

 

“She willingly participated.  They don’t want to marry, let it go.  If there is a child, we will deal with it then.”

 

“No!  If he is the honorable man you once tried to convince me of, he will do this now.  They loved each other once.  They will love again.  They will live here and be as husband and wife. ”  Montero’s men armed their weapons. 

 

“Here?” Both Jarrod and Nick together exclaimed.

 

Hoping to spare his family and Isabel and further threat, Heath moved around his brother and met Maria in front of the preacher and exchanged vows with her.

 

BVBVBVBVBVBVBV

 

The only way Heath could get through the morning was by avoiding Isabel’s eyes.  In fact, he avoided his entire family.  The ceremony ended in silence.  There was no kissing of the bride, nor proud and jovial handshaking or hugs, only disbelief.  Nick, seeing the forlorn expression on Isabel’s face, moved to her side and attempted to console her.  She instead turned and left the room. 

 

There was nowhere in the house she could breath, so she went outside.  A cold rain had begun to fall, but she didn’t care.  She stood there letting the rain wash her tears away.  She didn’t notice Ed Toyer looking in the window at the proceedings with a smile on his face.

 

The family surrounded Heath as they departed to collect his things.  They found Isabel, soaked to the skin and ushered her into the buggy.  Victoria wrapped blankets from under the seat around her and whispered soothing words in her ear.  It was not her arms Izzy wished to be in, nor her voice she wanted in her ear, it was Heath’s.  But he was now married and that privilege belonged now to his first love, Maria Montero, no Maria Barkley. 

 

Isabel feared Don Alfredo was right.  They had loved each other once and they would again.  They had even perhaps already created a child.  The tears came again as she thought of the child that should be hers and Heath’s.  It was her fault again.  She had insisted on waiting.  They loved each other and yet she denied his proposals, hoping for time, instead she got nothing.  She had lost the hope she had clung to last night.

 

They arrived back at the ranch and Heath started up to his room.  Jarrod and Nick followed him.  Victoria turned to Isabel and whispered, “Follow him”.

 

The men were in Heath’s room as he packed a simple bag.  Jarrod was pleading with him for patience. 

 

“It is only until we discover whether Maria is truly pregnant Heath.  You can wait that long.”

 

“Then what?”  His words were angry and yet pained.

 

Nick attempted to settle his younger brother.  “Then you divorce her and go on to marry Isabel and live a happy life, just like you planned.”

 

“A divorced man?  Isabel deserves better then that.”  His voice was now sad and distant.

 

“I deserve you.”  They hadn’t noticed her in the doorway.  The two brothers left them alone and went to the foyer to wait.

 

She moved into his room and moved close to him, willing him to take her in his strong arms and comfort her.  They could comfort each other.  He began to reach out for her and then let is arm sink.  To touch her now, despite his love for her, was a sin and although he did not care for himself, he would not taint her further.

 

Her next words offered him little comfort.  “I’m not going anywhere.  We’ll get through this.”  She touched his arm and he pulled away.  “I have to go.”

 

He left.

 

He arrived back at the Montero villa and was shown to the chambers he and Maria were to use.  She was resting on the bed when he entered.

 

He was nervous.  “I… I didn’t know you were here.  I don’t mean to disturb you.”

 

“You didn’t.  Oh Heath, I am so sorry.  I don’t even know what to say.  Perhaps in time father will calm down and we can make other arrangements.”

 

He believed her.  In the back of my mind, he had suspected she had set him up, but here and now, looking into her face, she seemed just as distraught.

 

The next few weeks were spent in a state of limbo.  Heath spent his nights on the chaise in the chambers he and Maria were to share at her father’s insistence, but left early to work on the Barkley ranch.  He put in full days, but neither family ever saw him.  He ate alone, stopping in either kitchen to grab breads or whatever was handy.  He spoke briefly about the business of the day with Nick, but of nothing else.  He rebuked every attempt by his brother to talk of anything else.  The stress was taking a physical toll on him as well.  He was pale, his eyes were dull and lifeless and he was losing weight far too quickly. 

 

Isabel spent her days in much the same state.  Jarrod and Audra had finally convinced her to spend a few days in San Francisco, but it did no good.  She did nothing for Barkley-Winthrop and was content to spend the cold bitter days of fall at her swing, alone.  She at least had Victoria hovering over her and keeping her fit physically.

 

Sheriff Tom Madden stopped in at Jarrod’s office one afternoon, about 2 weeks after the sudden marriage.  It was the buzz of Stockton, but he tried to stay away from gossip, especially involving this family.  He knocked and entered to find not only Jarrod, but Nick as well.

 

“Hello Tom.  Can I help you?” 

 

“I was hoping to find you here Jarrod, even better to find you both.  I think maybe you should come with me.”

 

“Why?”  Jarrod asked, but they both knew what was wrong instinctively.

 

“Its Heath.  He’s over at Kelso’s and he’s pretty drunk.  He hasn’t done anything yet, but you can tell he is itching.”

 

They grabbed their things and followed him to the saloon.  Heath was indeed drunker than Nick or Jarrod had ever seen him.  They sat on either side of him.  He managed to turn his head in their directions and that had been a feet. 

 

His voice was slurred.  “lookie ‘ere, iz my brotters, whatcha want ‘ere?”

 

“Time for you to go home little brother.”  Nick threw down some coins on the table and they each grabbed him under his arms.  From somewhere in his drunken stupor, he found the gumption to fight them.

 

“liv me ‘lon.  I aint goin’ no ‘ere wit yous.”  He sobered a moment and his voice became clearer.  “I ain’t never comin’ back.  Maria’s been throwing up every morn’. It’s over.”  His head slumped to the table in blessed relief. 

 

Nick looked at Jarrod.  “Maybe it’s just the flu?”  Jarrod shook his head mournfully.

 

(7)

 

Isabel had not taken the news of Maria’s pregnancy any better.  Nick did his best to raise her spirits, but it was no use.  Whatever success Heath had had the year before on getting Isabel to celebrate her birthday was now gone.  Nick and Isabel’s birthdays had passed unacknowledged by Heath.  Victoria had personally ridden out to find him and tempt him to come to the family dinner planned, but he refused.  His final words to her that day heavied her heart like none other before.  “I’ve brought enough shame to this family.  I’ll bring no more, ever.”  

 

Under normal circumstances she would have never tolerated such talk from him, but one look in his eyes, shut her down.  There was nothing there.  He was lifeless.  It scared her.

 

Heath quietly let himself into the chambers that evening.  He removed his outer clothes in darkness behind a screen as he did each night and moved over to his uncomfortable bed.  He sighed to himself.  This arrangement would have to change.  It wasn’t doing his back any favors.  He chided himself for becoming dependent on a comfortable bed to ease the day’s work away.  Maria’s voice startled him.

 

“Heath?  Are you awake?  Can we please talk?”

 

She had tried this before, but he had usually ignored her.  They exchanged very little conversation.  Since abandoning the birthday celebration, his brain had begun to switch into acceptance, and so he said.  “About what?”

 

“I would need your help, because father would disown me, but please divorce me.”  She turned up the lamp by her bedside and watched for his reaction.

 

“I can’t leave you alone with a baby, my baby.” 

 

“I’ll go away.  Denver.  Maybe, if you sent us money…”

 

“I will do what’s right by my child Maria.”  He added as an after thought, “and you.”  She knew this about him and it worried her. 

 

“You will be a better father if you are happy Heath.  You could come see him whenever you wanted.  It’s obvious we will never be happy together.” 

 

“No Maria.”  He was not sure what he was saying no to.

 

Seeing the conversation was over, she turned the light back down and rolled onto her side.  Tears silently slid down her cheeks.  This wasn’t going as planned.

 

Isabel had tossed and turned all night debating her plan.  She arose in the morning confident and more energized then in weeks.  The family noted the change in her demeanor, but dare not risk saying anything.  She rode out early and made straight for her destination, the Montero Villa.

 

Maria was finishing her breakfast when the Montero Mayordomo announced Isabel’s arrival.  She dismissed him to his errands in town and met Isabel in the parlor.  She had been surprised this meeting had not happened sooner.

 

“Good Morning”

 

“Good Morning.  We need to talk.”

 

“He refused my offer.” 

 

“What offer?”

 

“I assumed that’s why you were here.” Seeing that she was oblivious, Maria went on.  “I offered to divorce him and leave town.  He refused.”

 

“He wouldn’t leave his child.”

 

“No.  So why are you here?”

 

“I will pay you to leave him.  I have money, lots of money.  All you have to do is name your price.”

 

“What would he say?”

 

“I will handle him.”

 

“How will you get the divorce, if I am gone?”

 

“After two years, we can file for desertion.”

 

“You can wait two years?”

 

“I am prepared to wait forever for him.”

 

“I will think on your offer and let you know, soon.”

 

Isabel left and a smile spread across Maria’s face.  It may have failed with Heath, but Isabel Winthrop had come through with just the offer they needed.  Toyer saw Isabel ride away, and knew Maria was alone in the house; Don Alfredo had gone to San Francisco overnight.  He entered and found her smiling in the parlor.

 

“So, Mrs. Barkley, the husband refuses, but the spurned lover comes through?”

 

“She offered us whatever we want.”  She smiled at him wickedly.  “I told you we could do this without hurting anyone.  We’ll get the money, leave town and raise our child together my love.”

 

He moved to her and passionately claimed her mouth.  His hands moved all over her wanting body.  The knowledge of the life that dwelt within her heightened their passionate caressing.

 

Isabel had left her gloves on the table.  She returned to the house, found the door slightly ajar and let herself in.  She figured to be back out before anyone knew she was in.  She watched the scene unfold and then applauded.

The two were startled.

 

“Bravo!  Wonderful performances.  I am sure both families will be happy to know your talents as actors will get you jobs on the stage.”  She turned to leave.  Toyer shouted after her.

 

“No one will believe you.  We will deny it.”

 

Isabel turned and stopped.  It later proved to be her biggest mistake.  “We’ll have to see about that.”

 

It was the time he needed.  Ed Toyer had allowed Maria to believe their plan would not come to violence, but he had always been prepared for it.  He had assumed it would mean the death of her father, but now that the Winthrop money was on the table, he was prepared for anything.  He ran to her and they struggled.  His larger frame would have indicated an easy victory, but she fought hard.  In the process, she was thrown from his arms and in the suddenness of the break; she couldn’t break her fall.  Her arms were too busy flailing to prevent her head from impact with the large mahogany table.  Her world went dark.

 

Heath met Nick that morning as usual.  He surprised his brother with a comment, non-work related.

 

“She wants a divorce.  She says she’ll leave and not come back.  She merely wants financial support.”

 

Nick was thrilled at the offer.  It was exactly what his brother needed.  “Excellent!”

 

“Nick, the baby.”

 

He sobered from his brief joy.  He now understood his brother’s dilemma.

 

“Maybe we could get custody.”

 

For the first time in weeks, Heath smiled at what his brother had said.  He wasn’t sure his mouth had remembered how to do so.

 

“We?”

 

Nick chuckled, “You and Isabel.”

 

“I can’t take a mother from her baby.”

 

“But we can talk.  Let’s go get Jarrod and Isabel and go talk to her.”

 

He debated and then his heart warmed a degree and he smiled, “Yah, let’s do that.”

 

-8-

 

She had no idea where she was or how long she had been unconscious.  It was dark and cold her mind trembled at the replay of her recent life.  Had she been here the whole time?  Was it the same horrible nightmare?  Her head throbbed and she felt the ooze of blood down her temple, face and neck.  Her hands and feet were bound behind her and her mouth was dry from the gag tied around her head.  She tried wiggling on the floor, but it racked her head in pain, so she stilled and waited for their next move.  Soon, darkness overtook her mind as well.

 

Isabel had not returned from her ride, so the Brothers rode to Montero’s together.  Heath was disappointed, because he wanted Izzy to be part of this, if she would.  He had considered waiting for her, but the time was right, with Maria’s father away.  He had to act while he still had the resolve to try.

 

They entered the parlor to find the new hand, Ed something or other, helping Maria right a table.  She gasped at their entrance in panic.  For a moment, she assumed they knew what had happened and fear swept through her.  Toyer remained calm and turned to Maria.

 

“There you go Mrs. Barkley, hope that helps.”

 

She stammered.  “Yes Ed, thanks.”  He nodded his head to the men and left the room.

 

“What do I owe this honor gentlemen?”  Over their shoulders, she saw Ed in the foyer, waiting and listening.

 

“Heath tells us you have made him an offer.  Why Maria?”  Jarrod had always been suspicious of the woman, and he wasn’t about to let anything slip past him.  He would do all the talking.

 

“Contrary to what my father thinks, we don’t love each other.  What happened was a moment of weakness on both our parts and we shouldn’t have to pay for that our entire lives.”

 

“You would deny your father?”  His questions honed in on her.  “Is there someone else Maria?”

 

“What?  No of course not.”  Her voice broke and she attempted to recover.  “Only the baby.”

 

There was silence in the room.  Heath found himself looking at the table that had just been righted.  It was large and solid.  It would have required a lot of force to turn it over.  He couldn’t take his eyes off it.  Was he imagining it, or was the surface slick?  He moved slightly closer. 

 

As Heath examined the table, the hazel-eyed brother scanned the room as well.  It was the brown leather gloves laid across a high-backed chair that caught his eye.  They looked familiar, like those he had given Isabel recently for her birthday.  He moved closer and indeed saw the tiny letters spelling DIZZY, which had been expertly sewn into the wrist.  He had wanted to have them monogrammed with her initials, but wasn’t sure what to use.  He stilled hoped one day her initials would be IB; but for now they remained, IW.

 

Heath moved toward the table and stuck his fingers into the sticky substance.  As he pulled his fingers back, they were red with blood.  At that same instant, Nick yelled.  “Where’s Isabel?”  Heath’s face went pale.

 

Maria was losing it.  “I don’t know what you mean?  I haven’t seen her.”

 

Nick picked up the gloves and held them threateningly in the air.  “These are hers.  Now, suppose, just suppose you tell us where she is?”

 

“Whose blood is it Maria?”  He raised his fingers for all to see.

 

Maria was frightened.  She prayed Ed would come in and save her.  He merely waited, looking for his opening.

 

She stammered quietly, “It was an accident.”  She knew it was over with and they had failed.  She wondered how she had ever believed it would succeed.  How she could have used Heath like this.

 

Heath lowered his voice, not wanting to spook the shaken woman.  “She’s hurt Maria, you don’t want anything more to happen.  Where is she?” 

 

“She’s…”

 

Toyer cut her off.  “Safe for the moment and that’s all you need to know.”

His gun was pointed at them and he pulled back the hammer for added emphasis. 

 

“Let’s everyone move to the dining room.  Maria, grab those drapery ties.”

 

She hesitated.  “Do it!”   She jumped and did as he asked.  She had always obeyed this man’s every command.  She was compelled to do so.

 

He ordered Jarrod and Heath to sit and put their hands behind their backs.  Then he watched as Maria securely tied their hands and feet.  All the while he kept his gun trained on Nick and said nothing.

 

When the oldest and youngest were secured, he told them his plan.

 

“We never meant to hurt anyone.  Believe it or not, we love each other.  The baby she carries is mine.  If you think Montero wouldn’t like you, imagine what he would think of me.  You weren’t supposed to be so stubborn Barkley.”

 

Jarrod interrupted him.  “So the plan was to set Heath up, get money and leave?”

 

“Yes.  Like I said, no one needed to get hurt.  Now, we’ll continue with our plan.  Nick here, will go to town with me and withdraw a sizeable amount of money and then Maria and I will go.  Very simple and no one needs to get hurt.”

 

“I can’t just withdraw that kind of money for no reason.”

 

“You have the ride into town to think of a good one!  Just remember this, if you try anything, you may be able to save your brothers, but only I know where Winthrop is.”

 

They all looked at Maria and saw confirmation of his words in her face.  They had no choice if they wanted to find Isabel.  Toyer left with Nick at gunpoint. 

 

Heath started in on Maria as soon as they left.  “Why Maria?  This isn’t you?”

 

“He’s not a bad man, really.  We are desperate.  You know my father.”

 

“So desperate that you can’t live like normal people and build your own lives.  Many people start with less then you and succeed.”  Jarrod’s words stung her.

 

“Its not like that, we…” She knew he was right.  She looked around the fine room.  She hadn’t wanted to give up her elegant lifestyle.  That is what had brought her to this.  She tried to blame her father, but she couldn’t.  She left the room; rather then face their knowing countenances. 

 

They arrived at the bank and entered.  There were only a few people inside and Nick was relieved.  Despite Toyer’s words, he had not ruled out a fight over this.  Mike Allen, the bank manager welcomed Nick in. 

 

“What can I do for you today Mr. Barkley?”

 

“I need to make a withdrawal.  He gestured to the man next to him.  We are going to help set Mr. Toyer here up in a business.  I know it is short notice, but we need $25,000 cash.”

 

Allen blanched.  “That is a mighty tall order on short notice.  A draft could be easily arranged, will that do?”

 

Toyer answered quickly.  “No, that won’t do.  There aren’t any large enough banks in the area.  It will have to be cash.”

 

“Give me a few minutes.”

 

Toyer handed him the saddlebags they had brought and the man left to fill them. 

 

“It must be rough to walk into a bank and request that kind of money.”

 

“Hard work and sweat got us where we are.”  There was fury in his voice.

 

“My love for Maria will get me there.”

 

“Do you really love her or will you leave her high and dry?”

 

“No Barkley, despite what you think.  I do love her.  This will give us a nice start and she can live in the manner she is accustomed.”

 

“What will you do when you run out?”

 

“We’ll figure that out when we get there.”  Nick noted that he had not commented on growing with the money, simply using it.

 

Mr. Allen returned and handed a form to Nick to sign and the bags to Toyer.  He thanked them and they left and stared back home.  Nick mind raced through possible plans the whole way.

 

Back at the villa, Heath and Jarrod were attempting to rock their chairs together in an attempt to free their hands.  They had managed to bring their chair backs together and were fumbling to untie each other.  They were close to success when they heard riders approach.  Maria’s form whipped past the two as she ran to greet her returning lover.  She flung open the door, preparing to seek solace in the arms of the one she loved.

 

“Ed…” Her voice was cut off in her throat as her father dismounted.

 

Don Alfredo Montero may have been a man blinded by principle and honor, but he was not a complete fool.  He saw his daughter’s need and heard the tone in her voice as she called for Ed, coincidently having arrived here when his daughter had.  He immediately saw the whole situation and wanted to die for his part.

 

“Daughter?  Who is it you were expecting?  What is going on?”

 

Maria had no reply.  She stood there stunned. No story came to her brain that would be believed.  He stared at his daughter, willing her to tell him the truth, when he heard the clatter from in his home.  He stepped around her and followed the noise.

 

Heath’s chair had fallen over in their attempts.  This was the scene he discovered in his dining room.  He ordered his man to untie them and again returned to his daughter who stared up the drive, waiting for Ed’s return.  As soon as they were freed, Jarrod and Heath followed. 

 

Heath grabbed Maria’s shoulders.  “Think Maria!  How long was he gone?  Where might he have taken her?”  She offered no response.

 

“Who?  Who has been taken?”

 

Jarrod answered the frustrated man.  “Isabel Winthrop is here somewhere.”

 

Heath continued with Maria.  “She’s hurt Maria.  You have to help her.  Don’t let her die.”

 

Her voice was quiet, hardly audible.  “Not long”.  She had answered his first question.

 

“She can’t be far.  Don Alfredo, where might he have taken her?”

 

He had no idea why he said it, but he did.  “Wine Cellar” He pointed around into the house.  “Enter through the kitchen.”

 

Heath ran for the wine cellar and Jarrod stayed with the Montero’s.  He had a feeling he was needed.  He suggested to Don Alfredo that they wait inside, so as not to alarm the returning man.  Maria was too stunned to talk, so Jarrod relayed the events, as he knew them. 

 

Heath found the door and flung it open.  The saw the dark stairs leading down and a lantern waiting for use.  He pulled out a match and lit the lamp.  As he descended, he called out to Isabel.  He got no response.  He directed the light at the walls, trying to get a lay out of the room.  As he flashed it to his left, he saw a foot in the far corner.  He ran.  His light revealed the bound and unconscious form of Isabel.  He pulled his knife and cut her bonds, rolling her onto her side, into his arms.  He held his breath, waiting for a sign from her and was rewarded with a slight moan.  He scooped her limp body into his arms and hoped that by leaving the light on the floor where it was, he would have enough light for his escape.  He did.

 

He carried Isabel into the parlor where the other’s waited and laid her on the settee.  Leaving her in Jarrod’s watch, he returned to the kitchen and brought back towels and a bowl of water to clean her wounded head.  He and Jarrod both agreed it was a scalp wound, but they still worried that she had not regained consciousness.  Jarrod was about to ride for a doctor, when they heard the hoof beats of returning riders.

 

Not knowing what waited for them inside, Nick, directed by Toyer’s gun, led the way inside.  Don Alfredo stood ready to attack with his pistol in hand.  The anger in his aged body was evident to all.  The room was charged with tension. 

 

Nick saw the full scene first and immediately understood.  Toyer had just begun to piece together what he saw, when Don Alfredo lurched at him with raw, uncontrolled anger. 

 

“You did this.”

 

(9)

 

The sheriff’s report would later report both deaths as accidental.  No one would ever know the final thoughts of the two men.  It was assumed that Toyer was so surprised at the attack that he fired his weapon point blank.  It was also assumed that Don Alfredo was so agitated, that in receiving his fatal bullet, he fired one from his own gun.  When the smoke cleared, Maria Montero’s world, as she knew it, was over.  The two men she loved and had done the bidding of; were dead at her feet.  She collapsed.

 

It was Jarrod who went for the doctor.  After directing Howard Merar to the Montero villa, he made three other stops.  The first was the sheriff, whose services would also be needed.  The second was to the preacher who had married Maria and Heath and the third was Judge Coran. 

 

Heath was upstairs, where they had settled Maria and Isabel in separate rooms waiting for the doctor.  One of Montero’s men had also been sent to fetch Victoria.  When all the parties, except the couple had been assembled in the parlor, Jarrod led a discussion of the needed steps.  After outlining all that had happened, he wanted the judge to grant a quick divorce.  He then asked the preacher to see to an annulment.  Sheriff Madden interrupted Jarrod.  “I will take Mrs. Barkley, I mean Montero into custody as soon as the Doc checks her out.”

 

“That won’t be necessary.”  It was Heath.  He was able to look the group in the eyes for the first time in weeks.  Victoria’s heart lifted at the change in him.

 

“Heath, she drugged you and committed fraud.”  Jarrod didn’t understand his brother at that moment.  He had seen him violently angry with others who had done him harm.  Why not now? 

 

“She’s pregnant and just lost the only two men in her life.  I’d say that is punishment enough.”

 

“Heath, do you want to see what Isabel will say before you decide?”  It was Victoria attempting reason now.  She understood her son, but did not want him to suffer further in his relationship with Isabel if he was wrong.

 

“She will agree.  I have already talked to Maria, and she will leave and never return.”

 

“What about the divorce?”  Jarrod now found himself wondering if Heath intended to pursue that.  He was afraid that Heath might decide to remain married, so as to give Maria’s child a name.  He knew Heath was sensitive to parentage.

 

“She’ll sign it.  I’m going back to Isabel.  The doctor is just finishing with her.  She woke up a few minutes ago and Doc says she’ll be fine in a couple days.  Nick, will you go hitch up a buggy.  She wants to go home.”  He paused.  “I don’t blame her.  She never got to decide things for herself, what she wanted.”

 

Isabel was angry with herself.  She had wakened yet again trembling with nightmares.  Twice that evening alone she had screamed out for help.  She was comforted each time by strong arms.  Arms that loved her and whispered gentle reassurance to her.  Heath.  He was hers again.  It felt so good.  She pushed back from his protection.

 

“I hate this.”

 

“I’m sorry.  Jarrod is expediting the paperwork as quickly as possible.”

 

She smiled.  He had misunderstood her, but she didn’t mind.  His head was elsewhere, not on Isabel’s lingering fears.  “I know.  It’s not that.  I mean, I am glad its over, well, almost.  Do you know where Maria will go?  What she will do?”

 

“She’s going back east somewhere.  She says she has friends who will help.  She asked Jarrod to sell the ranch.  She won’t be back.”

 

“It won’t be easy for her.”  She was quiet for a moment.  “Don’t feel guilty.  I would expect no less from you.”

 

“Guilty?  For putting you through this?”  He did understand what she meant; he hoped to avoid it.  He had prayed she would not figure it out.

 

“You considered remaining married to her, for the baby’s sake.  I know.  It must be hard for you.  We could offer to adopt the baby.”

 

It frightened him sometimes, how well she knew him.  She showed no anger or disappointment in him.  “Maria won’t give up the baby she and Toyer created in love.  I think she is ready for this.  Baby’s lose fathers all the time.”

 

“Not mine.”

 

He looked at her shocked.  She then realized what she had said and laughed.

 

“I mean, when we have them.”  She leaned in and kissed his laughing smile deeply. 

 

BVBVBVBVBV

 

Heath surprised Isabel 2 weeks before Christmas with train tickets to San Francisco.  She eyed him curiously.  “Why are we going to San Francisco?”

 

“It’s a surprise, meet me in two hours.”

 

At the appointed time, they met and he escorted her to the waiting buggy.  They waved good-bye to the family and rode to town to catch the train.  It was not until they reach the city and checked into separate rooms, on separate floors that the evening was revealed.

 

In her room, Isabel found a large box and inside was a beautiful new gown.  It fit her perfectly and the shade of green matched her eyes.  A knock at the door announced a bellhop who presented her with a dozen yellow roses and a note asking her to join Heath in thirty minutes.  She finished her preparations and willed the minutes away.

 

She saw him across the lobby and lost her breath.  He was dressed in a black evening suit.  The high starched white collar accentuating his tanned face.  The white vest snugly fit to his broad chest and trim waist.  He looked magnificent.  His eyes were sparkling as she approached.

 

“You look so much better then the last time I saw you in a tuxedo.”  They both laughed at the memory of the masquerade ball.

 

“You look stunning Bella.”

 

“You have excellent taste Cowboy.  I love the dress, thank you.”

 

“Mother helped with the fit.”  He winked.  “I don’t have all your measurements perfectly down yet.”  He wrapped his arm around her waist and directed her to the door and a waiting carriage. 

 

The carriage deposited them at the front doors to Angelina’s, site of their first “date”.  She was thrilled to be back, minus the attacking thugs.  After a wonderfully romantic dinner, he again escorted her to the carriage and then to the theater.  The Russian Ballet Company was performing.  Heath had heard Audra and Isabel talking about it and the longing in her voice for something cultural.  She knew that this was not a thrilling evening for him, but she did love the show.  She had been wrong though.  Heath was content to watch her, watching the performance. 

 

They ended the evening with a carriage ride around the lamp lit city.  He asked the driver to lower the canopy and they watched the stars and lights together with out saying much.

 

 “This was supposed to be your birthday present.”  He finally said.  She snuggled in closer. 

 

“It’s been perfect.  Thank you.”  She turned her face up and kissed him.

 

He pushed her off him a bit and reached into his pocket.  He pulled out a beautiful emerald and diamond ring.  Her eyes popped.  This wasn’t the proposal she had waited for, but she knew she would say yes tonight.  She held her breath.

 

“I just wanted you to know I have it.  I figured this is what I had been missing.”  He said no more.

 

“That’s it?”  the disappointment was very evident in her voice.

 

“What do you mean?”  A faint smile touched his lips.  He was enjoying the turn of the table.

 

“This is very romantic.  It is a perfect time for a proposal.”  Now there was a tinge of annoyance in her voice, as she sensed his game.

 

“What would you say?”

 

“Ask me and see.”  Her eyes lit up.  He grew quiet and contemplative.  She almost thought she could see his thoughts.

 

“No Bella.  Not tonight.”  He saw the disappointment cross her face and quickly hide.  “When I am completely free, I will ask, but not until this is all cleared up.  You can understand that, right?” 

 

She said nothing, but turned in his arms and found his face and kissed him long and deeply.  “I do.”

 

(10)

 

The family was waiting for the couple at dinner the next evening.  The knew their would be no announcement without the entire family present, so they all assumed dinner would be exciting.  They were disappointed.  Nick’s disappointment was palpable. 

 

“Don’t you two have something to say?”  He growled.

 

“Beg pardon Nick?”  Isabel gave him her most innocent smile.

 

“Was there a question asked last night?”  Nick wasn’t about to let them get away with this game.

 

Isabel and Heath looked at each other perplexed. 

 

“Well?”  Nick was demanding now.

 

“Well, the waiter did ask if we wanted more coffee?  Why do you care Nick?”  A teasing grin came to Heath’s face.

 

Isabel, although enjoying Nick’s discomfort, settled the matter.  “Nick, don’t worry.  When the question is offered and accepted, you will know.”

 

Nick was not satisfied.  He grumbled to himself in a high-pitched mocking voice. ‘When the question is offered and accepted you’ll know.  Well maybe I just don’t care.  Fools wasting time dancing around…’ The family laughed at him.

 

The Christmas season was always busy in the valley.  Dances and dinners, giving and receiving, time always flew by.  Christmas morning found the family gathered around the tree opening presents.  Gifts galore had been opened and adored.  Some had created controversy.

 

Jarrod handed Isabel a box from Nick.  She opened it enthusiastically.  Inside was a wooden box from a gunsmith.  She was perplexed.  She slid the lid back and it revealed a Derringer. 

 

“Nick?  It’s a gun.”  She was a bit taken aback.

 

The room grew serious for a moment.  “Dizzy, someone out there wants you.  I know you are tired of being protected.  I…” He looked around the room and made eye contact with his family.  It was obvious to her there had been dissention.  “…Want you to be safe.”

 

“We all do darling.”  Victoria nodded to Nick.

 

“Thank you.” 

 

There was only one more under the tree.  Heath moved to Nick, carrying a large package.  Nick’s eyes lit up like a child.

 

“For me?”

 

“Boy howdy Nick, that’s why I’m bringin’ it to ya.  Its from Isabel.”

 

She added quickly.  “And Heath.”  She flashed him an annoyed look.  He had been trying to avoid accepting credit for his handiwork, but she intended to make sure he got the credit he deserved.  He had worked hard.

 

Nick opened the box and stared at its contents, speechless. 

 

“Heath forged it himself.  He worked in that heat for hours.”

 

“What is it dear?”  Victoria was intrigued.  She had no idea Isabel and Heath had been working on something for him.

 

Nick removed the black iron for the family to see.  At the end was a highly detailed BW, in script. It was obvious to all that Heath had worked hard.  Branding irons are kept simple for that reason.

 

“Do you like it?”

 

“It’s amazing.”  He ran his fingers over the letters.  “It is so elegant, just what Barkley-Winthrop should be.”  He leaned over and kissed Isabel’s cheek.

 

“I thought so too and Heath had the design.”  Heath blushed at the praise and moved to change the subject.  “Course, you’ll never use it.”

 

Everyone laughed.  Since she was a child, Isabel despised branding.  She felt it was cruel.  No matter how hard anyone argued with her, she fought it. 

 

“I think there is one more, isn’t there Jarrod?”  Jarrod pretended to search the obviously empty tree. 

 

“No, Brother Heath, I don’t seem to see anything, unless of course you mean the one outside for Isabel.”

 

Isabel was literally bouncing on her chair at this news.  “For me?  Outside?”

 

Heath smiled.  “Yeah, let’s go.”  He had looked at her, and for a moment the family felt they were not invited, but they followed anyway.

 

Tied to the front post was a beautiful horse.  He was tall, perhaps 17 hands and his coat was brushed to perfection.  The buckskin had a beautiful blaze of black and he nickered when she approached.

 

“He’s magnificent Heath.  Thank you.”  She paused a minute.  “He kinda looks like Coco.” 

 

“You blind girl?  He does not.”  Nick was annoyed at the suggestion.

 

“Duke saw him when he was traveling.  He’s a jumper and he knew you liked ‘em.”   Heath changed the topic.

 

“I can’t wait to ride him.”

 

Nick was enjoying her delight.  “The rest of your present will be over at Barkley-Winthrop.”

 

Jarrod cut him off, wanting to deliver the news himself.  “We’re building you a permanent jumping ring.”

 

She let out a scream of pure joy.  Hera and Zeus were meant for breeding and although she treasured the ride, it wouldn’t always be possible to do so.  Heath had anticipated her need for a new mount.  She loved jumping, but was seldom allowed.  Liam, despite his trust of his daughter’s ability with horses, any animal for that matter, had always refused to allow her jumping.  He had once dreamed that she was thrown and killed.  Since then, she never jumped in his presence.  He had not forbid her, but never encouraged either.

 

“So, what do you want to name him?”  Asked Nick.

 

“I dunno.  His coat reminds me of champagne.”  Nick cut her off.

 

“That’s a stupid name for a horse.”

 

“So maybe I will call him bubbles.”  She continued anyway to annoy Nick.

 

“What?”  All laughed at Nick.

 

BVBVBVBVBV

 

She was running to catch him.  He was just ahead of her in the shadows, close enough to see his form, but not to catch him.  He turned and ducked down the next street, she followed.  He was gone now.  He had to be ahead of her.  She went further until she came to the end.  She had missed him.  She turned back and searched the shadows.  She raised her gun as a sudden fear passed through her.  It was cold.  The whiteness clogged her eyes.  In that moment of blurred vision, the blast rang out and she fell to the cold hard ground.  As her life passed from the gapping hole in her chest, she heard his laughter.  “You lose.  I win.”  Her final thoughts went to the one she loved.  She had failed.