Arnie can't understand why Smile scene was cut from movie
Arnold Schwarzenegger has lashed out at Hollywood director James Cameron in an attempt to understand why the smile scene was left on the cutting room floor of Terminator 2. "That was not an easy scene for me, I had to prepare at least three weeks before. I even hired Tony Robbins, that self help guru guy, to coach me on how to smile effectively. You've all seen his smile, it's huge, he's always smiling."

Madman claims to be from future to protect woman from being "terminated"
A madman has been captured by Helsinki police officials after attempting to kidnap a woman by the name of Anna Torvalds. He claims to be from the year 2010 and was sent back in time to protect her from being terminated by a half man, half machine cyborg. The madman states that Anna's unborn son Linus Torvalds will become the leader of the Open Source restistance movement in the future and the "Terminator" was sent back to destroy his existance.

Dumb kid claims he prefers Pokemon over Spiderman
CHICAGO, IL - Some dumb kid named Daniel Hodgkins aged 8 claims the web slinging Marvel comics superhero Spiderman is too confusing and he "doesn't get it." Daniel's parents bought him a Spiderman toy for his birthday but didn't seem too impressed and ended up trading it with some kid from school for a peanut butter sandwich. "I thought all kid's loved Spiderman, with the movie soon to be released we just expected him to love it," exclaims Daniel's parents.

Man orders a Cheeseburger with "no cheese"
LONGTOWN, CO - Donald Porsky, 47, caused shock and confusion within a McDonalds restaurant last week after ordering a Cheeseburger without any cheese. Employees were reported to have exchanged confused looks and had a hard time trying to verify his order. Many customers became agitated and distressed as the situation ensued.

Really fat woman occupies two chairs at concert
DALTON, GA - Allison Dempsey, 42, a really overweight woman was seen to be occupying two chairs at a local concert last week. Allison claims she was simply, "saving the seat for her friend" who was yet to arrive but those around her at the time claim she is just way too fat and needs to go on a serious diet.

President George W. Bush tells funny Muslim joke
WASHINGTON, DC - American President George W. Bush recently cracked up fellow government officials and members of the military with a very funny joke aimed at Muslims. The joke makes reference to World War 3 and had everybody in stitches. "Fuck that was a funny joke!" remarks Colin Powell the U.S. secretary of state.

Boring name given to new species of bird
AMAZON - A new species of bird has been discovered in the Amazon jungle and given the boring name of 'Newbird', with the scientific name being 'Newus Birdus'. Biologist Arthur Penhold, 47, made the amazing discovery last week. "I couldn't really think of anything interesting to call it, Parakeet was taken and so was Toucan, I just couldn't think of anything."