* You can always get a goodbye when you really need one
* Tether yourself when you cross a road in the rain. That way, you won't disappear
* Know if you're leaving
* It's ironical - the only places that give you what you need are the places you can't
stay at for more than a few hours
* Most people don't realize how hard it is to be a teacher
* Keep asking where the ducks go
* Never yell "Good luck!" to someone
* Call your comrades once in a while
* Invest in haberdashery. It'll pay off more than you expect
* A little dry meanness can go a long way
* It's not a good sign to leave a date waiting in the Annex
* There's no such thing as building the perfect beast. Even if you think you're wrong
for a purpose, you're so off
* Dance, even if you don't know how
* Put all your kings in the back row
* You can call someone a sexy bastard and still not be considered a flit
* Steak comes in two forms simultaneously - the verbal and the actual
* Fight the urge to be psychoanalyzed
* Always have reading material, even on a baseball diamond
* The point of school isn't to watch someone clip his toenails or pop his zits
* A good fistfight with one of the boys can be quite a stress reliever, but NEVER
smack someone you love
* Help the wounded. It's just a coat, and you never know when you're going to get
shot in the abdomen yourself
* When asking for skates, specify "hockey" or "racing"
* All the answers are found in California
* Have a fake name always ready
* Don't trust anyone after midnight
* Never hire a prostitute whose name sounds like a line of silverware or a positive
disposition
* Don't underestimate the intelligence of a ten year old
* The darker the corner, the sweeter the victory of underage drinking
* It never hurts to give the ol' eye
* Meet a woman who's come a long way just to sit up late in a club, and she's bound
to be a moron
* Dog crap is a very important social convention
* Thinking about your dame is a comforting thing
* An accurate dogma on what happens to fish in the winter is just as entertaining as a
false one
* Mean everything you say, even if you're pissed off
* It's perfectly normal to imagine beating high crap outta some stranger
* Always ask for a price quote in writing
* People actually care if their luggage is uglier than yours
* Goddamn money. It always ends up making you blue as hell
* Walk everywhere. Cabs are too damn expensive
* Always keep a date, no matter how pathetic the girl
* The only reason to reveal your fears in conversation is to play the game of who's
more neurotic
* The world's more antagonistic when you're drunk
* Siblings who don't get on with one another are sorely lacking
* Smoke...if you've got an excuse to do so
* Yelling can only rattle a guy
* The mature live humbly for a cause. The immature die nobly for one
* The people that write for magazines just want to scare you
* In your life, scratch out all the FUCK YOUs. Your children will thank you
* Those who know are liable for the ignorance of youths
* Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody...even that
goddamned Maurice