| Day 3 For the first time on this trip, I actually got some sleep! Incredible ain�t it! The weird thing was that I was even more tired than I was yesterday when I got only four hours of sleep. Crazy tings. The morning started out like a whirling dervish. Everyone was running around like a chicken with their heads cut off, quickly cramming anything they needed for the up coming hike/campout. Following the popular trends, breakfast sucked. I like the fact that I can usually stomach anything placed in front of me. That was shattered as soon as the hopper placed the meal in front of my eyes. Nothing like waking up to see that you are about to eat something that came out of your ass last night. I think it was supposed to be some sort of warm cereal. Think being the key word. The flavor needless to say was disgusting. The last time I tasted something that bland was when my sister pushed me into a gravel mound. The raisins in the concoction added an interesting taste, almost like bugs scraped off a window. Based loosely on a Jerry Springer spin off, we did our weather report. I must admit that it was really fulfilling calling Maria a Crossdressing, alcoholic, Lesbian, Weather forecaster, and hilarious watching Mu, a.k.a. Loquisha, the African Queen shake his groove thang while playing the part of ghetto audience to a tea. After we suited up for an afternoon canoe trip. Man, this place has everything! If any Militant group ever decided to invade Canada, they should start here. After acquiring a proper bag, Raincoat, and water bottle, we went down to the lake and whipped out our canoes. Um scratch that last bit out. We started out, practicing some of the different strokes and then we started out. Basically the whole event was pretty cool. The first couple of hours, Mu and I kicked Assah Majorah, but near the end, we faced a whole slew of problems. (1) Underground rocks. These invisible bastards managed to almost kill us in a Titanic-esque manner. Luckily my excellent swerving skills and good looks were able to save the day, although Mu might say that our moving in a sine wave pattern rather than a straight line was because of my steering. (2) Mu. Perhaps one of the laziest pricks I know, he not only managed to slow us down with his paddling, but he also spent the entire time bitching and moaning, and even tried to place the blame on my steering! Al though it was my first time, I still think I did a good job. (3) Mills and CJ. Ok, so they didn�t do anything, but I feel I had to mention them. Quiet Chinese guy and loud black guy in a Canoe. Lack of proper communication. Chinese guy gets annoyed at black guy. Could have solved whole problem with 3 magic words (WHAT THE FUCK!). Chooses to spend whole trip quietly. Velly fungee watching CJ about to explode. It�s probably the pesticide talking, but I think I finally got used to the scent of the bathroom. OK, back to the story. After the canoe trip, we went to the cabins to rest; there we continued our �male bonding�. This consisted of admiring Cooney�s sunburns. After bathing in the stench of the reeky cabins, we made final preparations for our upcoming journey. I quickly took a final dump, and looked back at the toilet, already missing it. We then started on our hike to the campsite. Looking back on the ordeal, I believe it all started out with the backpacks we carried. Take Chrises big, non-Club Monaco bag, multiply it by two, and that was the about the size of the average backpacks. Now strap Chris to your back and you have the approximate weight. Me, being a stupid idiot, decided to load some recreational equipment, so I decided to take a couple of Magic Cards. Not knowing the true weight, I strapped it on, and immediately sunk 3 inches into the ground. All set, we prepared to depart. I believe two words best describe the journey. DEATH MARCH. It was bad enough we had to lug along a train sized back pack that weighed a ton but we also had to deal with muddy ground, and where there�s mud and sweating people there are bugs. As we walked along trying to keep pace, we would sweat a bit. Well actually it was more like a torrent of sweat pouring out of every pore on your body. This pungent formula somehow managed to lure every single black fly and mosquito in a 10-mile radius to our location. So, for the entire hour that it took to get to the campsite, it was hot, humid, bug infested, tiring, and to top it all off, I really needed to go halfway throughout the march, and I mean really go. |
| DAY 3 |
| . Wasted and drained of all bodily fluids, we finally reached our destination. Setting priorities, I risked loosing the rest of my brain fluid to the little shits in favor of finding a proper KYBO (Camp speak for Keep Your Bowels Open). I followed Mr. Winfields directions and ran as fast as I could� To a pile of wood. I couldn�t believe it! Some ass hole decided to destroy the KYBO! My holy throne! Dashed to pieces by some prick! I spent the next 2 minuets in limbo, fearing the worst, that I would need to crap in a hole in the ground. Then I found out that the KYBO was moved to a new location. Happily, I released my �gift�, and rejoined my companions to help put up the tent. By the time we finished, the bugs managed to drain me of all my blood, or maybe it was the weather, but I was feeling kinda woozy so, I promptly fell asleep. It was about 2 minutes into my nap when I realized something was wrong. Maybe it was my skin slowly turning a crispy golden brown, but I got the feeling that it was kinda hot inside the tent. So, there I contemplated the two decisions. One, I could go outside, where it was nice and cool, but face the wrath of a million winged demons, or two, go back into the RONCO rotisserie gold, where it was so hot, that my glasses would fog up when I stepped out. I decided to spend my time in the inferno that was my tent. The next couple of hours were a complete haze. The only things I really remember were a couple of people walking by, flashing their annoying lights at me, and a hoard of mosquitoes patting their full tummies in content. When I awoke, it had turned to night, and the teachers had started a campfire. I rushed to the site to find everyone else sitting on a log around the fire. I was reluctant to enter the circle of heat since I had finished my water supply, and was feeling tired, but I joined them anyways. Almost immediately, I stepped on a stick, which just happened to be armed with a marshmallow. The sticky substance stained Charlotte�s shirt, and to make things even worse, Chris managed to poke her in the eye with the same stick. As Francis would say, �Oh! Poor Charlotte.� Dying for a proper liquid supplement, I eventually got Mr. Winfield to distribute the OJ. Everything was going well when all of a sudden the unthinkable happened. The OJ ran out! The smoke from the fire managed to keep the buzzin bastards away, but I was still very thirsty. Of course this is where things get even worse. I was pleasantly sitting on the ground by the fire contemplating suicide, when it started to rain piss and vinegar. Running for dear life, my campmates and I ran for dear life, quickly piled all our crap under our raincoats, and piled into the tent tired, hot, and wet. (Yeah I know what you are thinking about.) Of course it was still too hot to use a sleeping bag, so I just used it as a pillow. Of course around 3am, hell started to freeze over, but since everyone else was sleeping and I didn�t want to wake them up, I spent the rest of the night freezing my ass off. QUESTIONABLE QUOTES AND OTHER SHIT -Mu: �Look at this (moose puppet). It�s missing an antler, the skin�s peeling off�� James: �It�s Mrs. Punchard!� (Laughter) -Cooney: �(Dinu, Chris, and Charlotte are outside) Does Dinu like being a third wheel?� -Vince Ling: �(Singing) I wanna feel you up!� Everyone else: �WHAT?!� Crowning Achievement-Toe and Mu beat Sabreen and Hanifah to the finish in the canoe Special achievement-CJ, even with mills holding him back manages to finish in top 5 Interesting encounter-Mu manages to step in a pile of Moose Shit. |