Kearney1

Preface thingy
So anyways people have been buggin bout typing up my chronicles of a trip that people in STEP took a while ago. Sorry to keep Y'all Waiting. This is actually da super fly, suped up version, so if you want the crappy version, check tha notebook. PS-Sorry for insulting anyone who was insulted. If you really want to, you can kiss my ass at a later appointed time.

DAY 1
We began our journey on a blazing chariot... No wait, it was more like a slow hulking brute of a bus with a digital clock that was 30 minutes fast. Packing our supplies of food (and assorted contraband), we slowly started our descent into the darkness. To pass the time we viewed a short film titled "Senseless", after a brief but futile argument about another movie "Trainspotting". Perhaps I was the only one, but I thought that senseless blew hash! Rather than viewing a critically acclaimed film that won an award at the Cannes, a very prestigious film festival, and dealt with a very relevant and controversial topic that affects young teenagers such as myself, We instead saw a Wayans film (ooh soo fungee) about a black college student (whatever), who had several close up experiences with ass! Maybe someone should shoot David Spade! Is he like the only person his age that hasn't gone through puberty? With the exception of that movie, I didn't really remember much about the ride. Well except for one point half way through the trip where I overheard Dinu talking about goats, and Charlotte talking about "Government Blow Jobs". There was a smorgasbord of confectionery delights, but by far, the most tasty were C.J.s "Crispy Mini's. Covered with Artificial Cheese By-product Flavorings, these tasty rice cakes were the surprise hit. We then made a brief stop over at a respectable looking McDonalds. The service could be best described as white, and terrible. I seriously wouldn't have been surprised if the red necked cashiers said that I was the first "Colored Folk" they saw. Service as previously mentioned was extremely sub par. Ordering a Big Extra meal, and two hamburgers, I wasn't surprised when I discovered that the bastards botched up my order. Instead of two burgers, The senile bitch gave me a burger and stale bacon'n'egg McMuffin. That wasn't even the end of it. Outside, they should have pasted up a sign that read "Since we are cheap bastards, we're gonna water down everything we can!" The catsup was runny, and looked like a period, and the Drinks were 99% ice, and 1% urine. Perhaps the only thing that saved this pitiful establishment form the full wrath of the CrimsonTOE was the kiddy playroom. It had bout 6 N64 systems set up, and we spent the rest of the time there playing games like Mario Kart, Hockey, and some stupid game where you hit blocks with your head. When the bus driver said "be back in 20", he must have really meant it, we almost left without Cooney because he went to the bathroom. Anyways, Perhaps one of the most memorable sites on this trip to Kearney was when we passed by the logging company. There's nothing more rewarding to an environmental grout than seeing thousands of trees butchered up, their dead stripped carcasses piled up in neat pyramids, while the surrounding areas was razed, and introduced to the concepts of slash and burn. I'm sure glad that genocide is only reserved for flora only. Oh wait... We soon approached our destination, but not before Mu screams out �Hey! It�s the BANGER!�. Turning our heads around, we saw a small hotdog kiosk with huge lettering reading �THE BANGER� Figures Mu would be the one to notice something like that. We then turned a couple of corners and pulled into the Scarborough Outdoor Education School, (although it should be Toronto not Scarborough. Get it? TOES?) We were greeted with a pond surrounded by buildings and trees, lots and lots of trees. We quickly unpacked and went to examine our cabins. Surprisingly neat and rustic I soon learned to accept what would be the new home for the next 5 days. The cabin was nice, and had running water, and thank you god, a beautiful set of porcelain thrones. The only major problem was probably the structural integrity of the building. Made of rotting logs, that supported the entire roof, I would always have a couple of jitters whenever some of the gr. 10�s started to swing from them. After settling down in our minuscule bunks, we went outside to examine our new surroundings. A neat crowd of well wishers soon welcomed us. These little bastards managed to drive me insane with their constant buzzing, but luckily I was able to drive the buggers off with the mad flailing of my appendages. After a brief stint of playing assorted games involving a Frisbee, we had a brief, yet tedious orientation sprinkled with a bunch of annoying rules that we all knew already.

Then we had one of those sessions where one of the teachers would try to get us to interact with each other. These games were not only pointless, but also very... Um... Dumb! Yeah... We started out with a variation of those name games, labeling ourselves things like �Mississippi Masala Muhammad� or �Kake eating Kevin�. We then played a cooperative game where we had to call out someone�s name and throw a ball at him or her. This became a simple game of dodgeball with 22 kids whipping balls at each other. We then took a brief tour of the �Camp� starting out by walking up to what was known as �look out point�. We were greeted with a forest scene that could only be described as really cool. Ok, so I can�t describe it like one of those documentaries be David Suzuki, there was like a lake and like an island thingy. We then hiked down through a couple of trees, and arrived at the �paddle shack�. Yeah I know what you�re thinking about, but there was no S&M involved. Basically it held all the equipment for Canoeing, and Pfd�s for all the rehabs that couldn�t swim. Yeah you know who you are. After another round of stupid rules that everyone knows, (drowning is bad? Wow I didn�t know that.) We then went down to the lake to take the swim test. Basically the test was to swim without a flotation device about 3 lengths, and 5 minuets of treading water. I guess I should take the time to apologize to all the people who were blinded by my massive paunch, but you�ll get over it. Well, me and Mu kicked ass and passed the test with flying colours, well except for the final part where is was wheezing, Franny was splashing (Damned speedo man), and the water was cryogenically freezing my sperm, and to keep a long story short, it is now proven that cellulite floats, and Derek isn�t god of all sports. After playing around for a while, we went back to the cabin. Me being a stupid ass, decided to tale the scenic route going up to the look out hill and back. Several hours� later (exaggeration) I realized what I did and ran back as soon a possible, which incidentally isn�t that fast. Dinner was surprisingly well cooked. Consisting of a meatloaf that was very similar to a really huge hamburger and waxed beans (apologies to my cabin mates), I managed to consume the contents of one of the few non-rice meals I had. Dessert was an artery clogging nanaimo bar very interesting was the thick yellow cream stuff on top that gave the dessert just the kick it needed (don�t think evil thought.) Earlier we were split into groups to do some slave work. Our groups job was to take the compost outside to a putrid shack where the maggots and flies were able to do it�s stuff. This task was how would I say?� Ah yes. Disgusting, revolting, stomach churning, etc. After dinner we all got together, and participated in more of those zany group games. Basically relying on each other to sit up and down in synchronization, the plan to encourage cooperation failed as physics kicked in to prove once again that gravity acts greater on fat people. Actually it was pretty interesting seeing Mu trying to get up, and then watching myself struggle. The next game, although more successful, was very scary. We threw people up and down on a large circular tarp. Now personally I hate the sinking feeling you get when the bus goes down a hill quickly, so it�s possible to imagine how I felt when it was my turn to go. Needless to say, I did not find the experience to be an enjoyable one. The final game was probably the best. A variation of �Tag� where everyone was �it�, The kick was that you could become unstuck if you crawled between someone�s leg. I don�t think I need to elaborate on how people picked out favorites, but what I will comment on is the rat bastard, Eugene. As sneaky and effective his strategy of faking death was, it was still wrong. After we were sufficiently tuckered out, we went to the girls dorm, (No, don�t think that.), and played with each other� Ok, poor choice of words. Cards were the hot commodities, as everyone was playing some sort of card game. Playing cards, Magic cards, Rocks� ROCKS? Oh, right, Mr. Winfield introduced a game that was played with rocks, where the objective was to not become the last person to pick up the rocks. One of the few enjoyments was thinning out Mu�s magic deck. Well it was! Of course there was Eugene with his ever-present flashlight/mace. Sometimes I think that going to become a bounty hunter, or a dominatrix. I don�t see how physics is going to help him. Anyways, all tuckered out, we went back to our bunks, some more reluctant than others, and �promptly� went to sleep. More about this later.

QUOTEABLE QUOTES AND OTHER SHIT
Interesting-All the Gr.10�s trying to crawl under between Maria�s leg� In �tag�.
Interesting-There�s something that Derek doesn�t kick ass in.
Things we should never see-Toe, and Mu�s paunch.
Things we saw-Toe and Mu�s paunch.
Items of curiosity-Thingy in the middle of �Paddle shack�