Willow peeked out from Giles's office. Angel and Xander were sitting across from each other, and from the look on Angel's face, Xander was 'being nice to him'.
She walked over, fearing what she would (or wouldn't) see in Angel's eyes, barely registering what Xander was saying.
"...and I understand that vampires can't go out in the sun, and normally that would mean that they all stay pretty pale. But what about tanning beds? They aren't the sun, technically, but they have the same effect.
So really, couldn't a vampire in theory maintain a sun-kissed look, as impossible as it would be to come about it naturally? Or would it be one of those vampire healing deals, where the body recognizes a tan as harm to the skin, and it would repair itself? Not that I'm really worriedabout becoming a vampire or maintaining my tan, I just wonder. I'd ask about self-tanning lotion, but like I said to Amy, Cordy pretty much gave me as much information on that topic as I ever hope to forget. Oh, hey Wills. I was just filling the awkward silence that Angel seems desperate to maintain. Is Buffy feeling better?"
Willow looked at him in confusion, blinking occasionally. The confusion she was feeling was more extreme than she had ever experienced. She was confused by so many things: everyone's belief that Angel was in love with her, Angel's new cold attitude towards her, Buffy's insistence that she wouldn't be able to go on if Angel wasn't in love with Willow, Xander's discussion of vampire tanning.
"I don't know, Xander. I think it all depends," she filled in the rest of the sentence silently, 'On whether or not Angel keeps up this new cold shoulder thing. Of course, his shoulder is usually cold. But big. So big. Like the rest of him...are these thoughts in my head?' She rambled in her mind, oblivious to the stares of the two occupants of the table. "Willow? You still here?" Xander asked.
She jerked herself out of her reverie. "Oh. Yes. Here, is where I am. But not for much longer, because I have to go get something. From the mansion. Angel, could you walk me there?"
He looked up at her, and her heart sank as she saw no emotion whatsoever in his formerly lively eyes.
She had no idea, however, how much effort he was putting into hiding the emotions he was feeling. How much he wanted to apologize for the pain he was causing her and her friends, just because he couldn't remember a thing. How much he longed to feel her hair between his fingers again, to hold her in his arms once more.
How much he loved her.
No matter what his eyes no longer said.
****
They walked to the mansion in silence.
'Why'd you do it, moron? Honestly, you were never this dumb when people were mean to you. But now... Why? Why did you have to fall in love with her? With a girl you met a few days ago! Just because she's beautiful and absolutely flawless. Yeah, well, that's no excuse!'
'Why'd you do it, moron? Honestly, you were never this dumb before Angel lost his memory. But now... Why? Why did you believe them when they said he was in love with you? With a girl he met a few days ago! Oh yeah, like he believes you're "Beautiful and absolutely flawless".
Just because they think it's true, that's no excuse to believe them!'
Still silent.
****
Buffy finally emerged from the office, to find Xander sitting alone at the table.
"Hey Xander, how are you?"
"I should be asking you that."
"Probably not a good idea," she grimaced.
"C'mon, tell me, vent," he urged.
She looked at him for a moment. "Okay, but you asked. I was pretty crappy to begin with, considering my demoralizing, humiliating, cold and really hungry stay in England. Add to that the ever so lovely joy that is jet lag. Add to that the fact that not only does Angel have amnesia, he's in love with my best friend. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say it was my birthday. Usually the ubercrap tends to cluster around that time of year."
She sat in the chair that Angel had vacated. The spot was not, of course, warm.
"Buffy, is it bad? Knowing that he's in love with her?"
She thought for a minute, and for the first time that night, the thought didn't make the ever present tears spring to her eyes. "Having him not love me is bad. It's the kind of bad that language isn't equipped to deal with, actually. But Angel loving Willow..." she paused, and slowly let a smile creep across her face. "No, that's not bad. Actually, it's not bad at all. I mean, if the two ladies he's fallen for have been me and Willow, then that's pretty much a compliment, right? If I was a guy, I'd be in love with her. You are. Oz is. Why not Angel? Hey, add Giles, you've got the complete set."
Xander grinned. "Watch it, Buff. You're close to making a joke, and that doesn't jibe with your evil day."
She rolled her eyes. "Screw evil."
"I thought evil is the one that screwed you, and now that's just a bad thought..."
"Yeah, who needs a boyfriend when I have a committed relationship with evil? Ugh. Perhaps the Hellmouth actually has a crush on me, and tries to show it's affection by attacking my life at regular intervals."
"That's it!" Xander jumped in. "How else would a Hellmouth woo a girl? It can't exactly send flowers."
"Another thing I don't want to hear about."
"What, flowers?" Xander asked perplexedly.
"Yes. Flowers, like birthdays, are always horrible. When he was evil, Angel sent me stalker-type flowers. When my dad cancelled on our birthday plans, he sent flowers. No more flowers. Flowers equal bad. Chocolate though, has never harmed me." She twisted in her seat and glowered at the spot on the floor she had pounded so viciously earlier. "Don't get any ideas, buddy! I like my chocolate evil-free!" She turned back to Xander. "Speaking of, where's Giles? He said he would bring some for me."
Xander suddenly shot out of his seat. "Hold that thought." He ran around to the circulation desk and began burrowing in its depths. A moment later, he emerged triumphantly clutching a Hershey bar. "Research session leftover."
He walked over to Buffy, kneeling in mock reverence as he held out the chocolate bar like Excalibur. "Milady," he intoned, "Let the healing begin."