Willow sat in the stacks, clutching onto a bookcase for dear life.
'Can't be happening, nope, I won't let it be happening. Isn't happening.'
But if it wasn't happening, then why did everyone seem so sure that it was?
She had seen the look on Buffy's face.
"What am I going to do?" she whispered to the sympathetic, if mute, books.
****
Angel could hear Willow approaching from the stacks, and mentally steeled himself not to look. No matter how beautiful she was, no matter how he would love to watch her hand trail lightly along the banister, how much he wanted to see her red head appear from around the corner like a beacon...
He wasn't looking.
Willow slowly and deliberately came into view of the library. There was Angel, but he was facing away from her. Well, if he was in love with her, wouldn't he have looked up as she entered? Wouldn't he have noticed?
'Maybe they were wrong after all-' she thought, but ceased to think it when she remembered the reverent way he had drawn imaginary patterns on her hand.
She slowly made her way down towards the table where he sat. He was reading a book with a sort of desperate intensity.
"Angel? Is Buffy still in Giles's office?" Willow managed to choke out.
He finally looked up at her, and she was taken aback by his eyes. They were completely hooded, revealing no emotion whatsoever.
Just like they used to be.
"Yeah, she's still in there," he answered, immediately looking down at his book.
"Oh. Okay. I'm just going to go, talk to her. Yes." Willow turned and slowly made her way across to the office. Their little exchange seemed to prove how right she had been. Angel was completely shut away from her. He hadn't even seemed friendly, let alone madly in love. She knew he couldn't be in love with her. It was a ludicrous idea.
So why did she feel like weeping?
****
Buffy looked up as Willow came in hesitantly.
"Hey, Buffy. How are you doing? No, that's a stupid question. Are you better? Than, you know, before?"
Buffy made a noise that was equal parts laugh and choked sob as she jumped out of her chair to hug Willow tightly. "Oh, Willow, you don't know how much I missed you. I mean, I missed any female contact at all, but most especially you."
Willow hugged her back, relieved that Buffy wasn't angry with her. "You know, Buffy, Angel isn't in love with me."
At that, Buffy did laugh. "Oh, Willow, please."
"No, really. I'm sure of it."
"You can't be-"
"No, I am. Just now, I was looking for it, and there's no way he's in love wi-"
"No, You. Can't. Be." Buffy wasn't laughing any more, and she emphasized each word. Her eyes were already bright with fresh tears.
"Willow, you don't seem to understand. Angel HAS to be in love with you."
Willow looked at her in complete confusion. "What?"
"See, he has to be in love with you, Willow. That's the only thing that's keeping me sane right now."
"But why-"
"He isn't in love with me, Willow." The tears were flowing now, and she lowered her ragged voice to a whisper. "Angel isn't in love with me."
She shook her head, trying to clear away the emotions that denied her the ability to speak. "But, Willow, don't you see? If Angel is in love with you, then I can maybe get through it. Because then, he isn't just not in love with me. He's not in love with me for a reason.
I mean, if he forgot the past three years, and he saw me, and didn't love me at first sight and that was all, then that just might kill me.
But if the reason he doesn't love me is because his heart is already yours, then everything I had with him isn't trivialized.
If he had to fall in love with someone other than me, then I'm glad it's you, Willow."
Willow felt her own tears spill over, but she kept her eyes on Buffy's face.
"I mean, I can't really blame him. Look at you. You're just so very Willow. Hey, I'm in love with you, so I can hardly begrudge him that right.
So you see, he has to be in love with you. If he isn't, like you claim, then I won't know what to do." Buffy was still shaking, but she was mfinally approaching calm. She curled up in the chair once more.
"Look, Willow, don't let his brooding make you think he doesn't love you. Don't let anything make you think he doesn't love you. Wastes time."
Willow shook her head in denial. "Buffy, you can't possibly give me relationship advice regarding Angel. You just can't."
"But I just did, so I guess I can. C'mon, Wills. I can't possibly see him with anyone but you, if he can't be with me. And since I'm the one with the broken heart, I get to be bossy.
Love him back. Love him like only you can, so that it makes his head spin." She sniffed and was silent. And Willow could only stare in reply.
****
Xander had allowed Angel and Willow some time to talk, but he returned to the library to find Angel alone.
"Jeez, after all that's happened today, you don't have anything better to do than read? Angel, life, get one. Oh wait, you can't. Okay, whatever the vampire equivalent of a life is, get one of those."
Angel looked at him silently, one eyebrow raised.
"Okay, now you're the 'share-nothing' guy again. Fine, whatever. I can make enough conversation for the two of us. It's one of my many skills-talking about non-topics indefinitely."
'Non-topics?' Angel thought.
"Or, wait, actually. There is a topic, now that I think about it."
Angel closed his eyes in apprehension.
"Willow. What is up with that, man? Why do you get all of my women? I mean, that's the reason I couldn't ever stand you. Maybe I need to learn how to brood. Do you actually have to think about stuff, or is it enough to _look_ like you're thinking?"
It was against all his instincts as a pensive, suave creature of the night, but Angel couldn't help it.
He snorted.