Giles sat wordlessly as Buffy fought to regain control of herself. She wasn't able to stop shaking, but she finally managed to speak.
"Why am I different, Giles?"
"Different from what?"
"From every one. I mean, of course, normal people. 'Chosen One' kind of implies that I'm not like most people. But I can't even be like other Slayers. One thing I actually learned from my quality time with the Council is that Slayers have always been slaves to their destiny.
Killing vampires was the only thing they cared about, the only thing they lived for. Living to kill death- not glamorous, but worthwhile.
Then along comes Buffy. She doesn't get it. She makes jokes while she's killing, she makes jokes about killing. She has friends. She has family. She wears platforms, which require an entirely new fighting style.
I can't seem to just kill vampires. I have to let them kill me, and then I come back to life. Or I fall in love with them. Or I make deals with them. Why? Why do I always get to know them? It never helps, and most of the time it makes my job harder. Look at me. The Slayer is supposed to be a killing machine, but I'm just a mess." Her voice cracked with weariness and emotion, and Giles slowly sank down to crouch beside her.
"Buffy, I don't know why you're different. I don't know why you ignore rules, why you always have to do everything your own way.
I do know that there is something inside you that makes you the best Slayer since the first was called. You say that the Slayer is supposed to think of nothing but halting the undead. Well, there are times when you think of anything but halting the undead, and you still do it better than the Council ever dreamed possible.
It's true, most Slayers are taught that duty comes first. I don't consider it a flaw on your part that you've managed to prioritize. Most Slayers consider their calling to be killing vampires. You consider yours to be that of saving lives, and I believe you have made the better choice." He stood up and headed for the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.
"Of course, you have a tendency to save my life especially, so I may be a bit biased on that point."
A ghost of a smile crossed her tear-streaked face, and Giles slipped out the door silently.
****
"How is she, Giles?" Willow asked worriedly.
"She's on the low end of her Angel spectrum, meaning that she's a crushed version of her normal self having serious doubts about the value of life, especially her own, and she's almost willing to go ahead and end it. The key word being 'almost', meaning she'll survive."
"I guess I don't understand. What is wrong?"
Giles looked at her hard for a long moment, amazed that such an intelligent and sensitive young woman could be so incredibly unaware of what was really going on. Then he turned to Xander. "Xander, take Willow into the stacks, please. Find the book we were discussing, and explain things to her."
Xander looked at him in shock bordering on fear. "Book? Discussing?"
Giles looked him straight in the eye. "And _explain_ things to her."
Xander, finally comprehending, nodded. "C'mon, Wills. Angel, we'll be back in a little while." He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her up the steps.
****
"Xander, what is this? You can't find any books."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, buddy. In any case, we didn't come up here to find a book."
"But Giles said-"
"Giles told me to explain things to you. So I'm going to. You honestly don't know why Buffy freaked, do you?"
"No, one minute Whistler was talking, the next I thought she was yelling at me, and you defended me, which was sweet, but then she attacked the floor-- I didn't really get any of it."
"Okay, listen good. She wigged because she realized what all of us already knew."
"Which is?"
"That Angel is in love with you."
Willow stared at Xander for a good ten seconds before bursting out laughing. "You had me going there, Xand-"
"Not kidding, for once. He's got it bad, and not for Buffy. I was finally becoming convinced of their eternal soulmate deal, and now he doesn't even remember her. All he sees is you."
"That is ridiculous-"
"Shut-up."
"What?"
"Look, Wills. Most of the time you know better than me. I'm aware of that. Most of the time you know better than everybody, as a matter of fact. But just this once, you're going to have to trust me. You should see the way Angel looks at you. He's like a man dying of thirst, and you're an oasis, and that sounded hokier out loud than it did in my head... Look, the fact is, he trusts you, he needs you, he loves you."
"He does not-"
"Again, shut-up. You can't see it, because every time you look at Angel, you think 'Buffy's'. Heck, so do I. So does everyone. But he isn't- not anymore. He didn't even know who she was, and he certainly isn't in love with her. You and Buffy are both beautiful, wonderful, and enticing. Unfortunately for Buffy, the way things are now, Angel met you first.
Buffy doesn't blame you, but you're gonna have to walk a fine line here. You know how she gets when her heart is broken. Angel's done it to her plenty already. You don't want to inadvertently do it yourself."
With a reassuring squeeze to her shoulder, he left her there to process the unthinkable coming true.