I am an average looking young woman. When you first meet me I seem completely normal. But if you really get to know me you will notice that something is a little different about me. This difference has earned me labels like "Weirdo", "Oddball" and "Freak". Had the people who called me these names been more educated they would have known my correct label is "Aspie". I have built this site to raise awareness about
Autistic Spectrum Disorders. I hope you learn something that helps you understand Autistic Spectrum Disorders. I also hope that you can share what you have learned and help spread Autistic Awareness.
Having Asperger's Syndrome does not make me disabled, handicapped, or any less of a person. I am proud and happy to be an Aspie. I am glad to have a different way of seeing the world. I am relieved that I don't have to "follow the crowd". And, I am most pleased that I don't feel the pressure to "fit in". I can be myself, even when others think I am odd, and feel comfortable. When I was in school very few people wanted to know me because I didn't follow the crowd. I didn't fit into any particular group, because I was "one of a kind". I was your classic "Loner" and I was quite happy. Although I like having friends, I find it difficult to maintain friendships with anyone. I am the type of person that is content to sit in the library and read.
I have tried to mold myself to be like everyone else but it was very uncomfortable trying to be someone I'm not. The best example of this is when I joined the Marine Corps. Boot Camp was a sensory nightmare and I stayed in a state of constant overstimulation the entire time. To this day I still can't remember much about what I did in Boot Camp, the memory is mostly a feeling of anxiety. Even now, smells that remind me of Boot Camp can trigger an Anxiety Attack. I stayed in the Marines for over a year and during that time I felt very lonely. Even though everyone wore the same uniform as me I always felt different from them. And, although no one ever said so, I knew that most people could tell that I was not like them. I now know that I could never be like them, no matter how hard I tried, because AS is part of who I am. I can't change that part of myself and I would never want to, I accept and embrace my uniqueness.
I haven't always known that I have AS. I've had many theories about why I wasn't like everyone else. My favorite of which, was that I was an alien who was left on Earth to study the activities of Humans. It wasn't until I had my son that I even learned about Autistic Spectrum Disorders. We had him evaluated when he began displaying symptoms like: lining up his toys, echolalia, compulsive behaviors, and other signs of Autism. While I was reading "Pretending to be Normal", by Liane Holliday Willey (see links), I realized that my senory issues, social awkwardness, anxiety, and many other symptoms, were all signs of Aspergers Syndrome. What a relief it was to know that I wasn't the only person who felt this way.
I want to educate everyone about Autistic Spectrum Disorders. The more people know about ASD's the more understanding they will be when they meet someone who is Autistic. If the children I went to school with had been educated about ASD's they may have accepted my differences instead of making fun of them. I don't want my son to grow up in a world that looks down on him because of their ignorance. I hope that someday people will take time to make the effort to really get to know someone before they judge them. After all, if my husband hadn't taken the time to know me he would have never loved me, and I would still feel all alone and completely alienated from the rest of the world. |
