"School?" asked Saotome Ranma, saying the word as though it belonged to a foreign language.

"Well," his father explained, "we are going to be staying here awhile ..."

Tendou Nabiki stepped past the door to the living room on her way to the front door. She was dressed in the green and white girls uniform of Furinkan High School. "It's the same school me and Akane go to," she informed Ranma with a crooked smile. "See you there."

"Matte, oneechan!" came a voice from down the corridor. "I'll go with you!"

Nabiki turned to look down the corridor. "What're you talking about?" she asked. "Ranma is your fiance remember? You ought to walk him to school!"

Akane stepped into the view of the living room. On Nabiki the uniform looked functional and utilitarian. Akane on the other hand made it look almost like a party dress. But on yet another hand, she would probably look good in anything ... or even ...

Chris Davies shook his head to clear it of impure thoughts about teenagers, and went back to examining the picture that decorated the wall of the living room. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Akane and Ranma exchanged a look that was loaded with many things -- anger, mutual distrust, and impatience. "Hurry up and get dressed," she snapped. "I don't want to be late for school."

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Ranma sneered.

Before Akane could offer her opinions of Ranma's attire, demeanor, and lineage, Chris decided to intervene. "Ranma, if you go to school with a shirt that says `Wild Horse' on it people are gonna get the wrong idea."

"That's my name!" Ranma protested.

"Okay, but you don't need to remind people of that constantly. What, you don't think your personality's enough to impress people so that they'll never forget your name?"

Ranma grumbled about it for a moment. "Awright. What about that red shirt we bought in Shanghai?"

"Whatever works for you, Ranma," Chris said. It matches your hair, he added silently. Well, her hair, anyway.

A few moments later Ranma was more appropriately dressed and on his way to school, walking as far away from Akane as he could manage and still be on the same road.

Chris and Genma stood in the gateway waving them off with a hearty, "Ganbatte kudasai ne!"

A few seconds after they had stepped out of sight Genma turned to Chris with a determined, intense expression. "Come, Davies!" he barked. "We must follow them and make sure that they get along!"

Chris blinked. "We must what? I mean, why must we?"

"Do you not see, lad?" Genma began expansively. "Do you not see how they behave towards each other? We must, for the sake of their happy relationship, spy upon them, acting as the cupid ..."

"We must do no such thing," Chris said flatly. "Messing in people's relationships is a bad move anytime. Love needs peace in which to grow, Mr. Saotome. Of course, that's assuming that there's any love there to develop in the first place ..."

"Davies!" Genma yelled. "Can it be that you do not realize how precarious Ranma's situation is? He is in no position to be choosy about women!"

Chris' facial features, which had been in a partial smile, froze suddenly. "Why, whatever do you mean Mr. Saotome?" he said slowly.

"Aside from one who was forcibly engaged to him, what woman would want a husband who will change sex at any given moment ..." Genma trailed off as something caught on fire in the young man's greenish-gray eyes and the corollaries of his statement caught up with him.

"Do tell?" Chris asked mildly.

"Ehhhrrrrrr..." the middle-aged martial artist explained. "I ... I meant, what woman from a ... highly regulated, very formal culture such as that of Japan, for a Western woman would be far less inhibited, or at least so I am told ..."

Chris shut his eyes and shook his head once. "Mr. Saotome, go follow your son if you're so inclined. It's not like I can stop you, after all ... but I do think you're making a big ..." He suddenly realized that he couldn't hear the old man's breathing, and opened his eyes.

Genma had run off. Chris sighed, concluded with "Mistake," and went back into the house.

1/2 1/2 1/2


An Inevitable Outcome Feature

Based on the Manga "Ranma 1/2"
by Rumiko Takahashi

Freely adapted from the translation
by Gerard Jones and Matt Thorn

New Material
by C. Richard Davies

CHRIS 1/2
or,
Love Means Being Able
To Call Someone Baka

With Especial Thanks to
Benares
John W. Biles
Chris Willmore
Jeffrey Hosmer
Nicholas Leifker
and the many other authors of
Ranma 1/2 fanfic that have lured
the author into trying his hand at
this oft-used plot.

And Also Thanks to
Bert Van Vliet
who probably does it better
than anyone else.

Chris-kun's Voice By
Ryoutarou Okiayu

Chris-chan's Voice By
Mitsuishi Kotono

Episode Two
"Doing Laundry is Fun!
How'd Your Day Go, Ranma-kun"


1/2 1/2 1/2

"Hear me, Ranma -- I'll tell you only once --"

Doink. Splash.

"What's wrong, Pop? Weren't you gonna say something?"

1/2 1/2 1/2

Chris ambled into the kitchen, where Kasumi was doing the dishes from breakfast. He offered his assistance in drying them but was politely refused.

"Well then ... what can I do to earn my keep?" he asked in a half- jocular tone.

Kasumi appeared to give the matter some thought. "Well ... I'm sure that I'll think of something, later," she assured him. Then she sniffed the air. "Perhaps you could see what's causing that odd odour ..."

Chris sniffed the air with a puzzled expression. "I don't smell anything odd ..." he murmured. Then his eyes widened. "Oh, shoot. I know what it is."

Kasumi turned to look at him and realized that he was blushing furiously. "What is it, Chris-san?" she inquired, pronouncing it, "korissu-san".

"It's ... um ... well, it's ... me."

Kasumi blinked. "It's you?"

"Well, not so much me as my clothes ... I've been wearing these duds every day for the last two weeks, with a few exceptions, and they are starting to get a little rank ... but I'm getting used to it, and so I didn't notice."

"Ara," Kasumi said, understanding. "Perhaps you could dump them in the washing machine."

"Well, I'd like to, but there's two problems. One, I don't have anything else to wear, and two, I'm half afraid that they'll disintegrate if they wash now ..."

"Well, I can't really do anything about the latter," Kasumi offered. "But you could try on some of Father's clothes while they're washing ..."

"Hum ... your father's a bit shorter than I am, Kasumi ... I don't think they'd fit all that well. Heck, it was a stretch for me to pull on one of Mr. Saotome's gi when we were in China."

"Well, why not try that now?"

Chris shook his head. "He's stepped out to make sure that Ranma and Akane get to school safely and on the road to connubial bliss," he answered. "I wouldn't want to take something of his without permission."

Kasumi let the water run out of the sink, and began to dry her hands. "You don't sound very optimistic about Ranma and Akane's relationship," she noted, in a neutral tone.

He nodded. "I'm not. They got started off on maybe the worst footing I can imagine ... and ... well, I don't know quite how to say this Kasumi, but ... I kinda get the feeling that your little sister doesn't really ..."

1/2 1/2 1/2

"That's right! I ... despise ... MEN!!!"

1/2 1/2 1/2

"... doesn't really want to be engaged? Now or ever?" Kasumi asked, towelling her hands.

"That's ... one way of putting it," Chris said, neutrally.

Kasumi stared directly at the westerner. "Are you implying that my little sister is a lesbian?"

Chris swallowed. "Well, no ..."

Suddenly, Kasumi smiled. "I don't think she is. But there's one thing you have to understand about her before you make your own judgement."

1/2 1/2 1/2

"For Pete's sake. Every morning ... what a drag."

"Truly. Such a boorish lot ... evidently, each of them intends to date with you, on the dawn of your defeat ..."

"Oh. Kunou-sempai. Ohayou."

1/2 1/2 1/2

Chris followed Kasumi to the laundry room, his jaw agape. "Jaysus," he blasphemed quietly. "Every day for the last year?"

"Yes ... apparently, her sempai has decreed that any man who would become involved with her must defeat her in battle. She had just finished letting her hair grow ... until she was twelve, she had kept it very short ... and I gather that she was considered exceptionally attractive by the young men of her class. However, the decree which placed her `off-limits' increased her desirability a great deal ... especially when she trounced the first few would-be suitors."

"I see ... well, no, I don't see. I take it that her sempai could back it up by beating the crap out of anyone who tried to date her without beating her in combat. That kind of thing would probably keep anyone who wasn't really agressive ... oh, ho!"

"You do see."

"It kept away anyone who was ... for lack of a better term, `soft', and ensured that all the guys who showed any interest started by forcing their interest on her, right?"

Kasumi nodded sadly. "For a long while I was deathly afraid that one of them would succeed in defeating her and then graduate to the next step ... but it hasn't happened yet, and I offer thanks for that. And she has become so ferocious in battle that none of them can stand against her -- but in the process I think she has been poisoned against men in general."

"Goddamn," Chris muttered, scowling furiously. "What kind of bloody jackasses are running that place that let that kind of thing go on?"

"The sempai in question is the scion of one of Nerima's wealthiest families."

"Oh well then ..."

1/2 1/2 1/2

"... but my peers call me ... the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"

Kraack!

"`Blue Thunder'?"

"Have you heard that?"

"News to me."

1/2 1/2 1/2

"Well, that's one thing you probably won't have to worry about any more. Whatever else the kid is, he tries to stand up for the helpless. If any of them ever tried that, they'd have to get through him first ..."

"Ranma would protect Akane?"

1/2 1/2 1/2

"Let me make this perfectly clear ..."

"Eh?!"

Astounding! He was there before Kunou could blink!

"... Akane means nothing to me!!"

Hm. This fellow ... is good!

"If you want a crazy, violent chick like her, you can have her!"

1/2 1/2 1/2

"I think he would. The kid's got an ego the size of Central Asia, but he's almost as good as he thinks he is."

Kasumi took a look out the window. "Ara ... it's beginning to rain. I hope Ranma-kun is indoors ..."

Chris checked his watch. "Class starts in a few minutes ... if he's not, he's gonna be in trouble, right?"

Kasumi nodded. "Generally, the punishment for tardiness is to stand in the hallway holding a full bucket of water in each arm for the duration of the class."

Chris winced in sympathetic pain and rubbed his shoulders. "Yergh."

"And I imagine that such a penalty could be rather embarassing for one whose form changes in such a way." She turned to look at him. "What exactly does it feel like?"

"The change?" Chris asked rhetorically. He thought a moment. "Well, there's an odd tingling sensation all over the body ... especially the face, chest, and ... um ... there. Then there's a ... sort of empty feeling in the lower regions, and a swelling on the chest which makes breathing a little odd. But those only last maybe a second, and then ... boom. It's over and I feel completely normal."

"Normal?" Kasumi asked, surprised.

He nodded. "That's the scariest part, I think. I can be going along, minding my own business, and bam, someone says something like, `Gee, what a cute girl,' I realize that they're referring to me, and I remember that I'm not normally a girl. Going back is ... well, it's sort of like the reverse of what I said."

"It all seems so ... incredible. Well, how would you like to handle the laundry?"

Chris was a bit startled by the non sequitur, but realized that there was a simple way to do it. "Well ... I'm only a little bit taller than you are when I'm female. I could change, and then wear some of your clothes ... if you'd let me ..."

"I would be happy to lend you one of my dresses, Chris-san," Kasumi said reassuringly.

His face took on a tragic expression. "No pants?"

"I'm sorry, but ..." "It's okay," Chris said, sighing. I can handle wearing a dress, he insisted to himself. Clothes do not make the man. If Swayze can handle this, I can handle this.

"I'll go get a nice green one," Kasumi said eagerly. "It will set off the colour of your eyes."

"Thanks ever so much," Chris said, doing his best to sound sincere. From her smile, he thought he'd succeeded. After she left he unbuttoned his denim shirt, shrugged it off, and let it fall to the floor. He unlaced his belt, undid the pants, and stepped out of them. Shuffing off the socks and sliding off his briefs he noted that they were in desperate need of a wash. He scratched his hip for a moment before ambling over to the sink. Chris stuck his hand under the tap and reached for the faucett.

He paused for a moment and then twisted it just a bit, so that a few drops of water trickled out of the tap onto his hand. He didn't change. Obviously, it took more than a small amount of water to effect the change, and he wondered exactly what was the crucial threshold ...

"Here it is!"

Moving faster than he could ever remember doing Chris turned the tap up all the way, and a gush of water spashed on his hand and arm. In the blink of an eye, the transformation occured.

Chris turned to look at the doorway and hoped that Kasumi hadn't entered before she had made the change. From the young woman's shocked expression Chris guessed that she had. "Gomen ne ... I didn't expect you to come right in, I thought you were going to leave the dress outside so that ..."

"No, no," Kasumi said quickly. "I should apologize. I thought you were going to wait for me ... but ... that's not really why I'm ..."

"Huh?"

Kasumi pointed silently at Chris' lower left ribcage.

At the rather large yellowish bruise there.

"Oh," said Chris, "that." She sighed. "Remember how I said that the way I got Ranma to calm down after the curse was a long story?"

1/2 1/2 1/2

"And for some reason, I always win!"

"Well, when a guy fights a girl ... he lets up a lot."

"Don't underestimate me. You should try me for real sometime!"

"No way. Violent or not ... you're still a girl. I couldn't do it."

"What if we're both girls?!"

"W-w-wait!"

1/2 1/2 1/2

Chris had needed a bit of help putting on the dress since she'd never had to do anything of the sort before. The undergarments were especially tricky. She was able to hold off Kasumi's barrage of questions with that.

Unfortunately, after she'd dressed, admired herself in the mirror (Hum ... the chest is a little tight, but I don't think I'll tell her that.) and thanked Kasumi for all her help ... the younger woman insisted on talking about the bruise.

"If Ranma or his father have an abusive streak," she said firmly, "I want to know about it, now."

They settled down on the couch in the living room. "It's nothing like that, Kasumi, really!" Chris insisted.

"Then please tell me how you got that bruise, Chris-chan!"

Chris stared up at the ceiling, then sighed, and began.

1/2 1/2 1/2

Like I told you, when Ranma came out of the Spring of Drowned Girl, she was practically insane. Not that there's anything wrong with insanity, I wrote my first short story while I was ... I'm getting there, don't rush me, please.

She let out this hollow scream when she figured out what had happened. And then she stood stock still in the middle of the pond for almost a minute, just staring down at her breasts.

I took notice of what had happened to me about a second after he did. Maybe it's a good thing that she did freak out, or I might have snapped right then and there ...

I found out some things I really didn't like about myself in the first few seconds of the change, Kasumi. I'd always prided myself on not being a chauvinist. I respect women, and I had tried to treat them with courtesy. But in the first moments, I was filled with a lot of very misogynistic thoughts about my new condition ...

No. I don't want to go there right now. Maybe later ... besides, this is about the kid, not me. Probably she went through EXACTLY what I went through only worse, 'cause I don't think he had ever tried to not be a chauvinist ...

Anyway, she turned to look at me with this horrorstruck gaze, and then she looked at the Guide ... and then she looked at her father. Who was realizing that he was a panda.

I've never seen anything as frightening as the expression on her face when she stared at the panda. It was like there was a demon in front of me, not a ... you get the idea? How? Okay, fair enough.

She shrieked again, and leapt out of the spring, running at her father with murder in her eyes. Genma realized what his "son" was up to and ran off.

Now, the smart thing for me would have been to let Ranma eviscerate her father and take this opportunity to get the hell away from this place and these people. But ... yeah. Honour. Doing the right thing, no matter what. So I went after them.

I ran harder than I've ever run before or since that day. Ranma was still getting used to her new body, as was Genma, so they probably weren't working at a hundred percent ... but they were still way faster than I was. I followed them up into the mountains hoping to find some way to get around in front of them so I could talk the kid out of patricide.

I rounded a corner on one of the mountain trails and caught sight of Genma bumping into some guy. Then Ranma smacked into him, knocking him off the cliff! And she never even looked back while this poor innocent guy got knocked off the mountain and fell towards the pools! I didn't get a close look at the fellow ... I hope whatever he wound up with wasn't too horrible. Nobody deserves to be cursed like this!

Okay, maybe the miserable rotten bastard son of a bitch who got me lost in China, may camels defile the resting places of his ancestors, but he was probably living the high life in Canada ...

But I digress. I was really pissed off by what the kid had done to that guy, so I threw everything I had into catching up to them. The chase came to an end high up on the mountain, just a little bit above the timber line.

Ranma had caught up with her father, and I think she'd managed to get a few blows in because the panda was fighting back. But the kid was practically berserk and the panda didn't have a prayer. She got in one lucky punch and Genma went sprawling. She stood over him for a few seconds, breathing heavily, and then she reached way back ...

And before Ranma could let the killing blow fly I jumped in between him and the panda.

An instant later, I was wondering if someone had got the number of the frieght train that hit me. Then nothing.

I came to in the Guide's little cabin. If you think this bruise is ugly now you oughta have seen it then. I'm amazed the kid didn't break any of my ribs ... but he claims that even in the full force of his berserk fury he was able to pull his punch to avoid doing that.

And I say the kid's eyes should be brown ...

Anyway, Ranma was sitting in the corner looking completely horrified. "I hit a girl," she muttered. "I hit a girl." Over and over and over ...

"Actually," I muttered, "you didn't just hit a ..." Then I decided not to lay an even worse load on her. I gave the guide a "c'mere" gesture so I could speak softly enough for just him to hear.

Unfortunately he didn't speak Japanese as well as I did, and I guess my accent didn't make things any easier. I got the feeling that he didn't understand what I was saying. "God, I wish you could speak English," I finally bit out.

He blinked. "Well, why didn't you just ask?" he said in the Queen's Own. Yeah, he had a British accent, too.

I wasted time by saying, "You speak English," and making similar observations. Turned out he had been born in Hong Kong and had actually gone to school over in Britain for a few years, before his family moved en masse to the People's Republic when he was twenty. Don't ask me why. I gathered it had something to do with his father's politics.

Anyway, I told him about the guy and asked him to see if he could find him, which he assured me that he would. I asked him where the Panda was, and he told me that he'd sent Genma off to find dinner, putting his faith in the superior senses of the the panda combined with the intelligence of a man. I contemplated telling him what I thought of Genma's intelligence, but I figured that he was making a joke.

Then I decided to try and get up. It was a bit of an effort but I did come to my feet and walked towards Ranma. Haltingly, but I walked.

"C'mon, kid, we gotta have a man-to-man talk."

"B-but ... I'm not a man ..." he muttered.

"That's one of the things we gotta talk about. Let's go."

I led him out to the pool where all of this had begun. We stood in silence for a few moments. A wind kicked up some dust.

"Ranma," I said finally. "Why were you trying to kill your father?"

"I wasn't! I ... I didn't want to ..."

"Listen, kid, I know the difference between somebody punching just to lay a hit on somebody and somebody trying to seriously hurt them! Believe me, I've been on the receiving end of enough of both to tell! Now, your dad did a terrible thing to knock you into the pool but that doesn't give you the right to go apeshit like that!"

"But it's all his fault!" she burst.

"And whose fault d'you think this is?" I roared, pointing at my chest. "If I were looking for somebody to blame, Ranma, I'd start with you!" That was a white lie. I'd start with him, work my way to his father, and wind up with the daemonic force which trapped me in the weirdest part of China. But he didn't need to know that right at that moment.

"But, Ranma, and this is the key here -- a man does not go looking for someone to blame when things go wrong. A man copes with it. A man finds a way to deal with the situation, without going nuts. If you can't do that, Ranma, then by God you've lost your manhood in more ways than one today ... and you'll never get it back even if you find a cure for the curse."

Wow. I still can't believe I came up with such macho bull.

Oh it is! "A man copes!" What, but a woman falls all to pieces and starts weeping and howling? Puh-leez! If I'd said "a grown-up" or maybe "someone mature" ... but that wouldn't have gotten through to the kid.

And what I said did, I guess.

We headed back to the cottage. Genma-panda was back, and the Guide told me that they had found the poor fellow that Ranma had knocked into the spring. It was probably just as well that he'd decided to book it before we got back. I get the feeling that it might have been messy if the guy had seen the "woman" responsible for his present condition.

The guide insisted on escorting us to the nearest port so that we could get on the boat to Japan. Unfortunately, what with one thing and another he had to leave before we got there ...

Kasumi, all I can say is, it's been a very busy two weeks and if I tell you all the nuttiness that we've gotten into we'll be here 'til morning.

1/2 1/2 1/2

"So that's why Ranma-kun and Mr. Saotome listen to you..." Kasumi said slowly. "Ranma regards you as a mentor figure ... and Genma-san owes you his life."

Chris snorted in a most unfeminine way. "That's not what he says. The man has the audacity to claim that he was quite able to block the blow and that my interference wasn't really necessary. He's such a liar ..."

"Then, why did Mr. Saotome back down last night when you told him to?" Kasumi pressed.

Chris smiled a smile that was easily as unpleasant as any of Nabiki's mercenary grins. "That's my little secret. Tell you what, though ... if you ever want to really freak him out, make lots of references to bathroom products."

"Nani?"

The panda tromped into living room, held up a sign that read "TADAIMA!", and did a double take at Chris. He then produced a sign that read "DAVIES! WHY ARE YOU DRESSED IN WOMEN'S CLOTHES?!"

"How on Earth does he do that?" Kasumi wondered aloud.

"I'm not sure, but it's really annoying. Anyway, Mr. Saotome, my own clothes are in the wash and I'd rather not wander around naked while they are. So I borrowed one of Kasumi's dresses."

"OH. WELL, I THINK THAT I SHALL GO AND INQUIRE WHETHER TENDOU-KUN FEELS UP TO LOSING AT SHOGI."

"Shouldn't you take a bath before you do that?" Chris asked innocently. "You could do with some shampoo."

The panda had a rather unusual reaction to Chris' suggestion. He froze in his place then began to look furiously around for a few seconds with an expression on his ordinarily taciturn face that could be viewed as "mortal fear". Ultimately, he realized that both Chris and Kasumi were watching him intently, the latter with a puzzled expression. The panda straightened and produced a sign that said, "NO, I THINK THAT I DO NOT NEED A BATH AT THE MOMENT ..."

"Okay, if you say so," Chris said with an insincere smile.

The panda lumbered out of the room, looking down the hallway before entering it.

"Why does he do that?" Kasumi wondered aloud.

"Whole 'nother long story. Anyway ... I realize that my actions probably aren't very honorable ..."

"Well, there's honour and then there's honour, Chris-san. The Musabetsu Kakuto style -- which both my father and Mr. Saotome practice -- stresses the need to use whatever means are available to overcome an adversary ..."

Chris blinked. "Ano? Kasumi-san, I'm not a martial artist."

Kasumi smiled condescendingly. "Ah ... but Chris-san -- since all things are wars, EVERYTHING can be a martial art. Your aim was to overcome Ranma-kun's previous anti-social upbringing so that he may become a better person. To this end, you have employed the weapons and tactics that the one who bears the responsibility for that upbringing -- Mr. Saotome -- had used. Placing yourself as a substitute authority figure with a more humane code of ethics while stressing the discipline which Ranma knows is a necessary element of a martial artist's lifestyle was well done. The final outcome remains in question, however. Are you truly not familiar with the martial arts?"

Chris opened her mouth, then closed it. She repeated the procedure a few more times in the next few seconds. Finally, she shook her head. "Aside from watching a few too many Hong Kong action films and reading a few games ... I do know `Senryaku' ..."

"So ka?" Kasumi exclaimed.

"Well, not exactly. Uh, a couple years ago a comic book publisher wrote up the Thirty Six strategies in the format of a sequence of stories about the life and training of a female warrior-priestess ... it was called `Shi: Senryaku'. It wasn't really supposed to sell based on that, but rather on the ... um, visual qualities of the illustrations."

"Naked women."

"Semi-naked women. You can't get away with as much in the West as I understand manga writers do here. But yeah ... anyway, I forget exactly why I read the first issue but the stories intrigued me enough that I bought all three despite having no interest in the character or artwork. I kept intending to go find an English translation of the actual Senryaku, but I haven't had the chance."

Kasumi nodded. "Is not one of the strategems, `The Guest Becomes the Host'? Make yourself useful to another and you can eventually master him."

"Uh ... wait a minute, Kasumi. I'm not interested in mastering Ranma. I'm interested in ... well, trying to get back to Canada where I belong, and if I can help the kid find another way to go through life than being an extremely skillful thug-slash-bandit I'll do it ... but I ..." Chris grew quiet, as she considered her own words.

Kasumi nodded. "It has occured to me that the dojo floor could do with some sweeping. Chris-san, would you please be so kind as to ..."

"Uh, sure," Chris said absently. He headed in the direction of the dojo, but before he exited the room he turned back to look at Kasumi. "Kasumi-san ... is Akane-chan familiar with Senryaku?"

"I don't think so ... she is less enamoured of the theory of the martial arts than she is of the practice. However, I do feel obligated to warn you that Nabiki-chan is familiar with the Thirty-Six ... indeed, I learned some of their more unusual applications from her."

Chris sighed, and went out.

My goodness ... I wonder what would have happened if I'd commented on her effective use of the strategem `Scheme with Self-Inflicted Wounds'? Kasumi thought.

1/2 1/2 1/2

"So? What was your first day of school like?" Chris asked as he and Ranma stood on their heads. Of course, Chris was leaning against a wall as he did so, and his posture was not really the best, but ...

"Lousy," Ranma muttered. "What with one thing and another we were late for class ... and this nutcase lech named Kunou went after me ... and after I fell in a pool, he glomped onto me and I eventually had to knock the stuffing out of him ..."

Chris tensed. Kunou was the name of the sempai that Kasumi had indicated was the source of Akane's problems at school. "Why'd he go after you? Gunslinger mentality?"

"What's that?"

"Never mind."

"Nah ... he thought I was getting in the way of him and Akane. But Akane's not after him ..." he trailed off, looked around quickly, then smiled conspiratorily. "She's got the hots for the local chiropractor."

Chris almost fell over. "Really? I thought she hated men."

"So'd some of the girls in the class ... guess they don't know, huh? Anyway, she says she hates men, but I guess it's just confined to the ones who try to beat her up every morning. Oh, and me, of course," he added, growling.

"Hum. What all did she do to you today?"

"Well ... she threatened to throw one of the buckets at me, and she ... she ... uh ..."

"Yes?"

"She did throw my school bag at me."

"How'd she get your school bag?"

Ranma flushed. "I ... threw it at her."

"Uh huh," Chris said in a neutral tone.

"But ... the worst part is that she threatened to not give me some hot water while I was changed!"

"Did she? Give it to you, I mean?"

"Well, sorta ... she threw it at me, but I only just caught it, and then ..."

"Ranma ... from what you're saying I think it's pretty obvious that Akane didn't actually do anything to you today. In fact, what with the hot water thing I think she actually helped ..."

"I never asked her for any help!" Ranma protested.

"Ranma, part of being a man is knowing when you need help. Nobody can or should walk through life alone -- everyone has to be helped sometime."

Ranma looked like he was pouting. Suddenly he rolled to his feet, and started to walk away.

"Where ya going?"

"I guess I'd better go thank her, right? For all her help?"

"Might be a good way to end the day," Chris replied.

"Huh ... all I know is, this whole situation couldn't get any worse."

The End
(For Now)

Nobody sue me, okay?

[Index]