By Chris Geidner

August 20, 2000

The conventions are over. No need for that awkward "presumptive nominee" anymore. Our choices are set. (As disappointing as that may be.)

The maps are being drawn, ads are being drafted and votes are being bought.

Votes being bought?

As good-government know-it-alls would tell us, government is being bought by the highest bidder. Skyboxes at the conventions went to the most giving of donors. Luncheons were sponsored by every big business and special interest in the country. And soft money is being used in greater --

No, not that.

I mean really -- votes are being bought.

Not soft money. Not kickbacks. Not payoffs.

Cold, hard cash.

A Justice Department investigation has led eBay, everyone's favorite online auctioneer, to stop the bidding on six votes for the President of the United States.

Yes, six citizens posted an auction on the Web site for their vote in this fall's election. A bidder offered more than $10,000 for one of the votes. The others didn't bring in nearly so high a price. One dollar and 99 cents each were the highest offers on two of the other votes. The last three votes had not yet received a bid.

So, what's wrong with this picture?

Nothing.

This is the honesty and "straight talk" expressly sought out by the insurgent McCain campaign this past spring.

Isn't it?

"I'll give you my vote if you give me, say, 20 bucks."

No more of this "tax-cut" code.

No more schemes -- risky or otherwise -- to dilute the effect of what politicians are really saying.

Let's face it, the GOP has been buying the votes of big business and the wealthy and the Democrats have been doing the same with the "poor and downtrodden" and minority groups for years.

The eBaygate crisis brings us to an even newer, hipper concept, a combination of the hottest of hot in pop culture -- "Millionaire" meets "Survivor." But you don't need to eat the rats in "Reality Politics" -- you vote for them.

Instead of a huge tax cut for the wealthy, the Republicans would just say, "Here's $5,000 for anyone who's willing to vote for us."

On the Democratic side, instead of the "earned income tax credit" code word, they would offer say, 500 bucks and a month of baby-sitting.

And you get to vote one of them not off the island -- but out of office.

Well, okay, so maybe it won't quite work.

But candidates out there beware, because the American people are getting a little antsy and, if eBay's not willing to do it, I'm sure CBS executives already have "Reality Politics" in the works.

� 2000, Christopher R. Geidner

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