Dunes

    An early moon arisen, full and white,
Cast down its glow on the soft mists and salty
Breezes roaming all along the shore.
Alone I walked there, to the haunting pulse
Of waves which washed over my feet that sunk
A little in the warm and bare white sands.
Bright stars above kept watch and lit my way,
And all about, the night surrounded me
With sounds indistinct of the clear, vast sea.
I knew this coast just slightly, but enough,
And crushed my footprints on without a pause
To reach my journey's destination. Here
My love would see me, here was where she'd said.
So my heart pounded and my breath came fast,
And I was lost in a reverent bliss,
Among the hills of sand.
                          Then I saw it,
The place beyond the highest ridge of dunes
Where stood a lonely and sea-wrecked boathouse,
Which wind whipped through to shudder down the walls
On weeds that twisted 'neath the rotted planks.
So I came 'round it, through its shadows dark,
To meet the one who waited here tonight.
Our hearts aflame when first we met, we two
Did promise now to firmly hold onto
The warmth we'd found that moment when, surprised,
We shared a look too true and too sudden
To easily forget. And our young love
Was born in nervous words and halting breaths,
There in a room crowded with ten thousand
Useless people. Here at last we'd let the fierce
Emotion spill, let reckless sparks inflame
Against our better senses. Here at last.
    I found her on the other side, next to
A dead and broken tree struck down by storms.
She sat against it on the sands and looked
Towárds the sea. I called her name and came
To her. She didn't hear, nor turn around.
I reached for her and kissed her, sitting close.
She looked surprised and startled, as if she'd
Forgotten me. I took her hand and smiled.
She blinked and said, "I'm sorry," then laid down
Her head onto my shoulder, moving near.
"How are you, dear?" I asked, but wasn't heard.
She held her coat to her and closed her eyes,
Still seeming lost in dreams. She shivered and
I offered her my coat, but she just shook
Her head. She turned and stared to sea once more,
Not speaking. "What is it?" I asked. She tried
To smile and blink her tears away. I asked
Again, and she said, "Nothing," looking back
Across the sea. She listened to its waves,
But soon began to sigh anew, and then
I raised her quiet, sullen face to me.
"My love," I whispered, frowning and unsure
What pain she felt and thought to hide. I asked
If she had changed her mind. She sat up and
Said no. She pressed my hand and softly spoke.
"My dear, you know not what I think I see
Here on this shore. A memory lives here,
A sorrow long forgotten, and yet it's
Unchanged by all the time and cares which passed
For me since then. Returning to it now,
I didn't know that I would find my past
Still written on the sands. I'll let it go
Soon. Just forget this loneliness recalled.
Forget it, dear."
                  I touched her when she stopped,
And held her while she cried. I wished I knew
Something to say. She still kept shaking in
My arms. But then she spoke at last, and raised
Her face to me. And I took hold her hand.
    "I don't know why I chose this place," she said,
Heartsick. "Why here, tonight?" she frowned, "when there
Were other places we could come to meet?
But here I've said, unthinking, sure somehow
That all would be remote from me, and all
So easy to dismiss, like dreams one wakes
Up from. I thought I'd never know these sands
And never care. Yet as before, it's true.
The sands know more than me, reviving all
My past in haunted winds along the shore.
Is it the glaring moonlight that brings back
Old remnants left so far behind? They're not
So far, I know it now." She closed her eyes
On gentle tears, as hushed as her faint voice.
"Let me tell you that I once knew a ghost
On this seashore. I've seen her here tonight,
A woman wand'ring wild in waters clear,
As if she were a hollow breeze straight through
My heart. But let's forget this false, cruel vision
Conjured by the sea." She dried her tears
And held me closer. Then she sighed and raised
A brighter smile. She took my hand.
                                    We sat
Together, turned away from moon and sea,
While winds swept by and shifted noiselessly
Over the dunes. She kissed me, clinging close
Under my coat. She touched my face and looked
With clearer eyes to me, their gleam as swift
As our first glance of love and warmth. She spoke
No more of sadness, asking me to do
The same. I told her how I'd wished for her
And waited restlessly to be near her
Again, to watch her ardent eyes meet mine.
She smiled and pulled me nearer with a soft
Caress against my skin. I kissed her lips
And whispered loving, still words past her ears.
We closed our eyes and heard each other's heart,
Both moving with a natural, sweet touch.
I felt her breath and fingers brushing me
As I kissed her and kissed her and kissed her.
Then silently she let me go and slipped
From me, out of my arms. She turned again,
Back to the waves, the shifting waters that
The moon shone down upon. She watched it,
List'ning to the tides. She sat and said no words,
Though her soundless tears had returned. I put
My arms around her waist, and kissed those tears
In silence, waiting for her words to come.
I pressed her hands and held her closer, while
The pulse changed in her whisp'ring heart. I asked
Her nothing, biding in the shadow of
Whatever presence lingered here with us.
    In time she stirred and finally could speak.
She stared at all the sands and moon and sea.
"The things that once befell in this cruel place!"
She said. "It all returns and haunts me though
I hate it. It's a miserable, bleak tale,
A thing I know not how to leave behind.
But would you listen, then, my dear? Would you,
My dear, dear stranger? Yes, do please hold me.
"She was my aunt, this house our home to share
One summer waiting out the tides of sea.
I kept her and her young boy company,
While shifting dunes and rhythmic waves helped soothe
Her lonely heart. Mary's husband had gone
To sea, a doctor and missionary
First called away, but not yet granted leave
To bring his wife and son. She was so young,
Not that much more than me, though she did not
Think so. I was just one more child. I stayed
With her, my youth spent watching her await
The day when he would finally return.
We lived together as a family,
We three who were like strangers. Yet we learned
To find peace here among the dunes and waves.
I had a restless heart then, but was calmed,
As Mary, by the moonlight on the shore.
We prisoners, waiting for the next phase of
Our lives to free us, found that nature could
Sometimes heal us. Perhaps I'd not return
To my old life the same as I had been.
Mary and her infant flowed on beside
Me, like a sea in which I was caught up.
Not so disturbed by his absence, Mary
Lived here with us a quiet, simple life.
And Mary loved him dearly, as I knew.
I wish she'd loved herself as much. But still
She walked each day along the shore, serene,
And looked towárd his sea, content as though
He'd come already home.
                        "Long summer passed
But brought no good to Mary and her son.
Her boy grew ill, his fever caught too late
To save his small self, dying, while we mourned
Bitterly. She wept forever at his corpse
Before I could pull her away. She wrote
Her husband all of it, and asked his prompt
Return. Her wait now made more sorrowful,
She still looked out to his far sea.
                                    "Then news
Arrived of her dear husband's death at sea,
In storms which claimed his homebound boat. As she
Heard it, she fell upon her knees. I reached
To comfort and embrace her as she wept.
I prayed soft words for her recovery.
She wanted none of my comfort and walked
Away across the dunes. With time alone,
Perhaps she'd heal herself. I knew that I,
A child to her, could never touch her heart.
"I heard her crying there, upon the sands.
I called for friends to come and help console
Her. Then at last, no sound came to me on
The winds above the shore. I feared the night
Would leave her lost among the cliffs and dunes.
Friends came and searched for her. I called her name
Everywhere. Mary never answered me.
All night, they found no trace, except some vague
Footprints on dunes. But these faint steps were frail,
And all, the tides too quickly washed away."
    My love's voice ended then, sunk lower than
The sea's calm waves. Deep sorrow filled her eyes.
She turned away and hid her stinging tears.
I found no words I could murmur, but just
Held close onto her arm.
                        And I stared out
Across the shimmering sea, on whose face
The moonlight and shadows had changed to cast
A deep gloom powerful and unrelieved.
The stars still burned with haunted, piercing light
That flooded through my mind and heart with beams
Too bright to see. Then softly I touched her
And met her eyes. I pressed her hands in mine.
"My dearest," I kissed her with sympathy.
    She shook her head and dried her eyes. She said,
"No, don't say anything. It was long years
Ago, and I have pushed it all from me.
So why should I now grieve? Why waste time to
Recall ten thousand things I cannot change?
Don't mourn for her. Mary is gone and lost
To wherever it was she chose to go.
But waiting here and finding my heart still
In these past torments is the worse pain.
I've talked too much on this poor, faded dream.
Let's go from here, my love. Let's leave behind
This lonely talk, and lonely place. We'll live
Just our present. Let's speak of this no more."
She rose and led away across the dunes.