1.	Pull up to Jiffy Lube at 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2.	Drink a cup of coffee.
3.	15 minutes later, write a check for $25 and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Men:
1.	Go to Auto Zone and write a $50 check for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and scented tree.
2.	Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of returning to Auto Zone for recycling, dump into hole in backyard.
3.	Open a beer and drink it.
4.	Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5.	Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6.	In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7.	Place drain pan under engine.
8.	Look for 13mm box end wrench.
9.	Give up and use crescent wrench.
10.	Unscrew drain plug.
11.	Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in the process.
12.	Clean up.
13.	Have another beer while oil is draining.
14.	Look for oil filter wrench.
15.	Give up; poke oil filter with Philips head screwdriver and twist it off.
16.	Beer.
17.	Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18.	Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car, dump into hole in backyard.
19.	Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during steps 11, 15 & 18.
20.	Beer-- no, drank it all yesterday.
21.	Walk to 7-11 and buy beer.
22.	Install new oil filter, making sure to first apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket.
23.	Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24.	Remember drain plug from step 11.
25.	Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. Pan is empty -- hurry to find drain plug in backyard hole.
26.	Hurry to replace drain plug as last drop of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27.	Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28.	Bang head on bumper in reaction.
29.	Begin cussing fit.
30.	Throw wrench.
31.	Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1982)�in the left boob.
32.	Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33.	Beer.
34.	Beer.
35.	Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36.	Beer.
37.	Lower car from jack stands.
38.	Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
39.	Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 26.
40.	Drive car 1/2 quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another oil change.