The One With
the Wrecked Grade Curves
by Godeerc VanDrey
Category: Friends
Genre: General, Humor
Rating: PG
Language: English
Summary: In 1986, at Lincoln
High, three guys: James Warren, Matt Jacobs, and Daniel Ponille
go through a normal day at school, with many trials such as grades, activities,
and foot injuries.
A/N: Okay, this series of fics was written to untangle the confusion created by The
One With the Friends.
This series of fics will focus on two or three
of the New Friends: Matt, James, Daniel, Christopher, Halley, Justine, Jessica,
Annacaye, Phillip, and Adrienne. As you can see those are a lot of
characters. I will start with Matt,
James, and Daniel. Hopefully, this will really bring each one out. This fic may be a
requirement for The One With the New Friends later
on. For the most part, I don’t think
these will have too much of a plot, basically they will just make the main
characters “round characters”, so that when you read about them in TOW New
Friends, they’ll have a little more depth and you won’t get them mixed up. Okay, maybe you still will.
Scene 1:
(James Warren, Matt Jomahns, and Daniel Ponille walking down the hall, chatting)
James:
(a fairly tall guy with light blond hair) Matt, ready for the science test
today?
Matt:
(about the same height as James, with brown hair) I studied for an hour. I’d better be ready.
Daniel:
(a bit taller, with tan hair) Do me a favor and wreck the grade curve.
Matt:
Will do, man. You too.
Daniel:
Yeah, baby. Hey, Jim
Bob, Bishop, D3 to B6. Pawn out.
James:
(laughing it off) Rook. A6 to B6. Bishop out.
Daniel:
Nuh-uh! There’s no rook there!
Matt:
(looks at a notebook) Current position of Black Rook #2, A6. (marks) B6. He got
you Daniel.
Daniel:
Man, why do you have to be such a chess nerd?
(OPENING
CREDITS)
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Scene
2: A classroom
(a teacher passing out tests)
Mr.
Harrigton: And here’s your test back. I
must say I’m very disappointed with most of the scores.
Rachel:
(1986: big nose) Big curve then?
Mr.
Harrigton: Miss Green, I’m afraid not.
Mr. Jomahns here got a 99%.
Grades will only be curved a percentage point.
(Rachel
looks at her test and groans, then sneers at Matt, who doesn’t notice, smiling
at his test)
Phillip:
(a rather short guy with pale brown hair; to the girl next to him) Hi. So, what did you get on number thirty-four?
Girl:
The wrong answer.
Phillip:
Me too. Great minds must think alike.
Girl:
(sneers) Yeah, they must.
Scene
3: The Hallway
(the three guys walking down the hall)
Daniel:
So, how’d the test go?
Matt:
You’re talking to the official wrecker of the curve.
Daniel:
Way to go, man.
James:
Daniel, you wreck it?
Daniel:
99%, baby!
Matt:
Me too. One-percent curve, then?
Daniel:
Zero. You know Chris VanDrey?
Matt:
Since the day he was born.
Daniel:
Oh yeah. My brain’s burned. (pause) Well, he obliviated it.
James:
100%? Dang it, Chris.
Matt:
You’ve done that before. We all
have. It’s called being gifted.
James:
(laughing) I know. You think we’d get
tired of it.
(pause)
Daniel:
We’re losers.
Matt:
Nah, but definitely geeks.
Daniel:
To the max. Queen, G2
to D5.
James:
(thinks) No! That was my queen. (smiles) Pawn, C6 to D5. Say good-bye to her majesty for me.
Daniel:
Matt?
Matt:
Sorry.
Rachel:
Hey, brainiac! (all
three guys turn; Rachel says to herself) I swear, they travel
in pods. (to Matt) What’s the big idea with
wrecking the grade curve? You would have
gotten a perfect score anyway; our class is full of idiots. (Matt smiles at
her) I know, I know. But at least I can
get whoever I want to go with to the Autumn Dance with me to ask me.
Matt: I have lot of friends. I have more
than enough variety.
Rachel:
Uh-huh. And I bet none of them are cheerleaders.
Matt:
Maybe, maybe not. And that would stay
true if I was deciding with you too. As
I see it, that last test you bombed has dropped your Biology grade below a C. You are not head cheerleader of the Junior
Varsity squad until your grade goes back up. (blows on
his hand like a gun)
Rachel:
(seeing this) Dork. (pause) It’s your fault.
Matt:
Your fault for not studying.
Rachel:
I wouldn’t need to if you didn’t wreck the curve.
Matt:
You wouldn’t need me not to wreck the curve if you actually studied.
Rachel:
(confused) And if I had studied?
Matt:
You wouldn’t be mad at me.
Rachel:
(still confused) See you. (leaves)
Daniel:
You’re not getting her.
Matt:
I don’t want her.
James:
You would if could get her.
Matt:
Well, who wouldn’t?
Daniel:
James wouldn’t. He’s perfectly content
with Cammy Oldsbright.
James:
We broke up.
Daniel:
Okay,
James:
Her too.
Matt:
Oh, Daniel… duh. Amber Porter.
Daniel:
Why are you still friends with both Cammy and
James:
That’s the whole point of the “Let’s just be friends,” line.
Matt:
Trust me. The whole point of the “Let’s
just be friends,” line is to dump someone by keeping your dignity.
Daniel:
By not saying, “You dork, I can find someone better
than you.” And by better, I mean a
studlier football player or a cheerleader with better attributes.
James:
Attributes? Daniel, you’re not talking
about…?
Daniel:
No, would I say that?
(Matt
and James give him a look)
Daniel:
Okay, maybe I would. But I didn’t. (pause) Hey, isn’t the Fall Play this Friday?
Matt:
Yeah.
James:
Hey, she wouldn’t be alone. Rachel did
that last year.
Daniel:
We know, we know. Dude, I’d better get
tickets. I’d like to go. I hear it’s going to really funny.
James:
Could you get us a couple? We’d like to
go see that.
Daniel:
Sure, pay me back?
Matt:
‘Course. Why wouldn’t we?
Daniel:
Shall I bring up the carnival in seventh grade?
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Scene
4: The football field
(James
on the sidelines, holding his foot, with the band gathered around him)
Mr.
Cord: (the band director) James, are you all right?
James:
I’m okay.
Monica:
(1986: overweight) I’m so sorry. I
didn’t mean to step on your foot. That
last sequence really messed me up.
James:
(wincing) I’m fine, Monica.
Monica:
Does it hurt?
James:
No offense, but it hurts like hell.
Monica:
Will you ever forgive me?
James:
Of course.
Monica:
Then I won’t burn in Hell?
James:
(confused) I don’t have control over that.
Why?
Monica:
You’re a Southern Baptist. You guys seem
to know who and won’t burn in Hell.
James:
(painful laugh) No, it’s okay. It’s more
of a belief thing.
(A/N:
No offense to Baptists. It’s all in good
fun. You guys are the some of the most
dedicated Christians I’ve ever seen.)
Marda:
You going to be okay?
James:
Fine.
Daniel:
Hey, James…
James:
FINE! Everybody, I’m going to be okay. Especially if I go to the
nurse.
Scene
5: The nurse’s office
(the nurse examining James)
Nurse:
Nothing broken, but there’s going to be a painful bruise. You’re doing a lot better than the last
person who came in here with an injury by the foot of Monica Geller.
James:
All right, thanks. So, is it going to
swell?
(Nurse
just laughs like crazy)
James:
Monica Geller, I know. A simple “yes”
would suffice. (takes a pair of crutches and limps
out)
(he meets Ross outside; 1986: hey, is that Mr.
Kotter?)
Ross:
Hey, James, I heard my sister smashed your foot. It is true you need surgery?
James:
No. Who’d you here this from?
Ross:
Becky Louis; she heard it from Dana Schleigal… who I believe heard it from Jojo
Mark…
James:
No wonder.
Ross:
(thinks) Yeah. So, you’re not going to
sue my family or anything?
James:
No.
Ross:
Good, I thought you were a Southern Baptist or something.
James:
I am, but we’re not known for suing people.
Ross:
(thinks) David McArthur.
James:
It’s called primary source.
Scene
6: The Hallway
(James
and Matt talking)
Matt:
So, Marda seemed a bit worried about you.
James:
I was a drum major in junior high. She kind of has a thing for drum
majors. Watch out next year if you’re
thinking about be big man on campus of the band.
Matt:
I’d be assistant big man on campus. Marda’s here for another year, and she eats, sleeps, and
breathes band. And anyway, Patrick’s a
drum major, and she’s only friends with him.
James:
Patrick’s…
Matt:
Yeah, I know. I’m trying to cheer you
up, and you’re not helping.
Daniel:
(runs up) Well, it turns out, there are no tickets for
the play. They’re sold out.
James:
Both shows?
Daniel:
Yeah.
Matt:
What about the Matinee?
Daniel:
Sold out. Did you know there are
thirty-eight elementary schools in
Matt:
Thirty-nine. After last year, they’re
not letting
Daniel:
What happened?
Matt:
Let’s just say it involved a lot of rope and some homemade flame throwers that
shouldn’t have been there.
(Daniel
cringes)
James:
You could try Larry.
Daniel:
Larry?
James:
Larry. You know those guys that sell
stuff on the black market?
Daniel:
Yeah.
Matt:
Well, let’s just say that’s what he wants to be when he grows up.
James:
He’s pretty much grown up now. I here
he’s taken Algebra four times.
Scene
7: A Classroom: A Chess Club Meeting
(James
and Daniel playing chess on a real board,
Matt watching)
James:
(moves a piece) Check.
(almost instantly Daniel moves another piece)
James:
(moves a piece) Check.
(almost instantly Daniel moves another piece)
James:
Checkmate.
Daniel:
Wrong. (moves a bishop)
James:
(kills a piece) Check.
(Daniel
pauses, then moves a piece)
James:
Dude, give up. I’m about to kill you.
Daniel:
About killed isn’t dead.
Matt:
Proverbs 22:54.
James:
Nuh-uh!
Matt:
I know. Psalms 115:11.
James:
(pulls out a Bible from his backpack) Trust
in the Lord, all you that worship him.
He helps you and protects you.
Nice try though.
Daniel:
Your move.
James:
(studies the board for three seconds, and moves a piece) Check.
Daniel:
(moves) Checkmate.
James:
What?
Daniel:
You gave me more the enough time to study the board. I had three more moves that I could have done
if you had moved another piece.
James:
Matt! Look what you made me do.
Matt:
Dude, I didn’t make you do anything.
James:
You made me give Daniel enough time to find the perfect move.
Matt:
And why couldn’t we have done that anyway?
James:
(thinks) Dang, I hate it when you’re right.
Daniel:
‘Nother game?
James:
Yeah.
(time lapse)
(James
and Daniel furiously moving chess pieces, in unbelievably intense
concentration)
(Matt
is scribbling on the chalk board; he moves away; he has drawn a chess-piece of
a knight on a horse attacking a shaded bishop)
(he looks at it, nodding sophisticatedly at it; he then
shakes his head, he goes back and scribbles the caption: CHECKMATE THIS, HOLY MAN! and signs the lower corner of it MJ with dramatic cursive letters)
Scene
8: The Hallway
(Daniel
walks out of a room, looking very disappointed)
James:
Could you get the tickets?
Daniel:
He had three, but the price wasn’t in dollars.
Matt:
He does look a bit Hispanic. Maybe he wants pesos so he can flee the
country.
Daniel:
No, he had a task for us to do.
Matt:
How bad could it be?
Daniel:
Let’s just say it’s not illegal, but strongly frowned upon in all fifty states…
and grounds for espionage charges.
James:
Whoa.
Matt:
Yeah. Sorry, man.
Daniel:
It’s okay. All’s fair in love and war.
James:
Is this for love? For
like love of the movie?
Matt:
Or war? The battle for
tickets.
(they laugh)
Daniel:
Don’t we all have homework to do?
James:
Done.
Matt:
Yeah, you were in there a long time.
Math was especially easy today.
James:
You did math? I programmed by calculator
to do the work for me.
Matt:
We have to show work.
James:
It does.
Matt:
You are a loser.
James:
Yeah, mine was even better than Chris’s was.
Daniel:
Wow, you’re practically the Über‑Urkel.
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Scene
9: Outside the School
(Matt,
James, and Daniel chatting)
James:
I can’t believe that last you trick you played.
Daniel:
Hey, it was legal.
James:
I know, but very risky. It worked only
because you play me so often. Matt, what
do you think of Daniel “Queen-Killer” strategy?
Matt:
I think if you two don’t stop talking about chess, you’re going to turn into a
couple of rooks.
(pause)
Daniel:
No way, I’m definitely a knight.
James:
I’m a queen, of course. (a couple girls in the
background look at James funny)
Daniel:
A queen? A rook,
likely. A
bishop, likely. You don’t really
have that overwhelming sense of power. Just the image and the follow-through.
James:
Yeah, and a knight, you are definitely.
Matt:
We’re all math geniuses here, right?
Imagine if I put my thumb and forefinger at a right angle and put it
adjacent to my forehead…
Daniel:
(looking at Matt) Pawn?
James:
More like a king, feeble, but you really can’t succeed without him.
Daniel:
Yeah.
(Matt
just covers his eyes with his hand and shakes his head)
Christopher:
Hey, guys!
Matt:
Chris! My man. How’s it going?
Christopher:
Pretty good. You guys going to the play
this Friday?
Daniel:
We couldn’t get tickets.
Christopher:
Here. (hands them tickets)
Daniel:
How the heck did you get these? You
didn’t see Larry. You didn’t do the
whole espionage thing, did you?
Christopher:
(looks at him strangely) I have no clue what you are talking about. I got them from Halley.
Matt:
She gave you tickets?
Christopher:
We’re sorta kinda maybe
almost dating. It’s complicated.
Matt:
Oh, yeah. Wait, you’re dating… sort of,
kind of, maybe almost dating… the girl who rescheduled the dance for her play?
Christopher:
She was elected by the sophomore class.
She has right to bring up these things.
James:
I didn’t vote for her.
Matt:
Me neither.
Daniel:
I did.
Matt:
She gave you a sucker.
Daniel:
So, it’s not like I was voting for the president of the
Christopher:
Then you obviously haven’t seen her and Rachel go at it.
Matt:
Daniel, you are a sucker.
James:
Well, to be perfectly fair, I didn’t know her.
I’m sure she’s a fine politician when she’s not a fine actress. By the way, you get a sucker, Chris?
Christopher:
I got three bags of leftovers when we started having an obscure
pseudo-relationship. You know the
suckers that I give to you with birthday cards? (the
three have an epiphany)
James:
Oh. So, how many tickets she give you?
Christopher:
Six. Performers get up to ten
beforehand. Halley invited her family
and best friend. She gave me the rest.
Daniel:
So, she gave you the rest of her tickets, and she gave you the rest of her
suckers. Are you just like her overflow
tank?
Christopher:
Yeah. To the victor goes
the spoils. (looks behind him) My mom’s
here. See you later. (runs
off)
(CLOSING
CREDITS)
Daniel:
(to James) Pawn, G5 to F5.
James:
Are you white?
Daniel:
Black.
James:
That’s not your queen’s pawn.
Daniel:
I know.
James:
Then what’s the point of your move?
Daniel:
Try to free your queen.
James:
I can’t. If I do, you kill my pawn.
(Daniel
just smiles)
Matt:
As if you’ve never heard this. Get a
life!
James:
Kings. They’re all the same.
Daniel:
Yeah, let’s go. (they
leave Matt)
(END)
A/N:
I hope you had a merry Christmas. I got
the Friends Soundtrack CD. I’m listening
to song 13: “I’ll Be There For You” Extended
Version. I’m singing along; I know all
the words. This CD rules. I also got the VHS version of the 4-pack
Friends Greatest Hits. It rules
too. Don’t you just love Christmas? I am such a Friends nerd. Are you? Feel free to review just for the purpose of
telling me that you’re a Friends nerd. I
think it’d be great if I get like twenty reviews and half of them just say:
Yeah! I am a total Friends nerd! Feel absolutely free to do this. In fact, I encourage it.
Anyway, I think this fic is a bit shorter than most of mine. Of course, since it will have multiple chapters, I think that’s okay. If fact, it’s probably pretty good. Next persons in my series: Justine and Phillip. I realized if I tried to do everybody one at a time, I wouldn’t have enough to do each story, but I think you can get to know Phillip and Justine better if there is an individual story about each in the same fic. So, see you.
\
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^_^ - Checkmate. Bye!
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