V. The One With
Weddings at the Park
by Creedog VanDrey
Category:
Friends
Genre:
Fantasy, Humor
Rating:
PG
Language:
English
Summery: Season 8.
Godeerc the Mystic comes back to show the gang more of the past as he
changes it. This one revolves around what
would happen if the gang had met each other at earlier times in their lives.
A/N: Hello, wonderful readers. Sonriso and I have
been doing a lot of work lately. We hope
to get a lot of stuff out to you in these last few days before school starts up
again. This one, as you can probably
tell from the title, is the fifth visit of Godeerc the Mystic. This one I hope to have a lot of fun
with. To make up for me short fics lately, this one will be pretty long, at least that is what it looks like from here. If I really wanted to, I probably could make
this fic one of several. If I indeed do have enough content in the
first section, I will break up the story into two or three parts. This does take place in Season 8, but it may
or may not have a difference in the story.
Actually, I may need to establish that so I can based
my jokes around it.
Scene
1: Monica’s Apartment
(the gang sitting around)
Monica:
Honey?
Joey:
In the cabinet.
Monica:
Monica:
Yeah.
Monica:
(to Phoebe) How am I going to keep him?
Phoebe:
I warned you.
Monica:
No, you didn’t.
Phoebe:
Okay, sorry, sometimes I have entire conversations in my head. I do it a lot with hot guys. By the way, Rach,
Matt Damon says, “Hi.”
Monica:
Who says “Hi” to me?
Phoebe:
Robin Williams.
Ross:
Dare I ask?
Phoebe:
Kate Winslet slaps you for not calling.
Joey:
And me?
Phoebe:
Joey, honey, the last time I talk with a famous
celebrity about you, the conversation ended so dirty, I had to take in a
Joey:
Oh, don’t worry about that Pheebs. I do the exact same thing twice a week.
(OPENING
CREDITS)
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Rachel:
So, Mon, you think you and
Monica:
Yeah.
Rachel:
I hope so. ‘Cause with Ross over there,
getting divorced ever ten minutes, you have a chance to get onto good turns
with your mom.
Ross:
Rachel, for being in the strangest one, you seem to joke about my marriages
quite freely.
Rachel:
I know, but
Rachel:
(looks at him; then to Monica) Only you, only
you. So, why do think it worked out?
Monica:
I don’t know. I mean, I’ve known
Ross:
Okay, Rachel and I have known each other since I was seven. Under the same philosophy, we would have
grown together.
Rachel:
We did grow together. Then, someone else
grew between us.
Ross:
What? You are not seriously blaming me
for Bonnie or Emily or Julie, are you?
Rachel:
No, the one whose name shall not be mentioned.
The menial copier girl.
Joey:
Chloe?
Rachel: Okay, what part of “name shall not be mentioned” did you not get?
Joey:
(counts the words out) Oh, sorry ‘bout that.
I get all the words, but my brain wants to filter out extraneous
phrases.
(awkward pause)
Rachel:
I guess. And by the way, you’re not
allowed to do that, yet. (swats his hand) Hey, guys, I
was thinking, what would it have been like if we had all met when we were
really young? Would the whole
(A/N:
Wow, could that lead-in be anymore
corny?)
(^_^ - No cornier than the one Rachel did in “The One That Could Have
Been.”)
Ross:
If knowing
Phoebe:
Ooh, we need that Godeerc guy.
Joey:
Yeah, he does.
Joey:
Twenty. (
Joey:
Deal. (
Phoebe:
Wait, I want in on this. Another hundred
bucks if he brings me a Grape Tootsie Roll Pop.
(the doorbell rings)
Godeerc:
(brings out a bag) Joey, here’s your sandwich.
Parmesan and oregano, just like you like it. (
Ross:
Okay, you’re really starting to scare me.
How did you know all that?
Godeerc:
Well, I could tell you I was psychic, but, then again, you’re Prof. Dr. Ross E.
Geller, Ph.D. So, I’ll tell you this apartment’s bugged.
Ross:
Is that legal?
Godeerc:
Perfectly. (pause) And by the way, while we’re on the
subject, you totally screwed up you and Rachel that first time around. You should quit emphasizing the fact that you
were on a break. (Rachel smiles) And why you’re smiling I don’t know.
Rachel:
You believe that we weren’t on a break, don’t you?
Godeerc:
I do believe it.
Rachel:
You’re saying it was okay that he slept with Chloe?
Godeerc:
Heck no. That was the stupidest thing on
the planet to do. Even I know that.
Rachel:
Right!
Godeerc:
I understand your pain, but I don’t think you have enough right to blame Ross
as you claim.
Rachel:
Why not?
Godeerc:
Didn’t you break up Ross and Julie?
Rachel:
What’s that got to do with anything?
Godeerc:
Why did you do it?
Rachel:
I was in love with Ross! And I was
drunk! It was a mistake!
Godeerc:
Ross, you were still in love with Rachel when you and Chloe happened, right?
Ross:
Yeah.
Godeerc:
Weren’t you drunk?
Ross:
Yeah.
Godeerc:
And claim it was a mistake?
Ross:
Yes. Several times.
Godeerc:
Okay, the prosecution rests. It’s not
quite apples to apples, but just food for thought. It’s the number of a friend of mine,
Todd. He’s a marriage counselor. He’s the best. But enough chatter, let’s get to the
glimpsing.
Monica:
Yeah. We’d like to know what would have
happened if we’d all known each other earlier on in our lives.
Godeerc:
(smiles) Sounds interesting. I’ll bring
you all together when you were little tykes, and we’ll just watch and see what
happens.
Scene
2: A Playground in
(30-something
Jack and Judy Geller with 7-year-old Ross and 6-year-olds Monica and Rachel)
Ross:
(playing with dinosaurs figures underneath the monkey bars) Rarr! T-Rex is gonna eat poor helpless stegosaurus.
Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Monica:
(atop the monkey bars) Rachel, come up here!
Rachel:
No! Ross’ll look up my skirt.
Monica:
I told you we were going to playground.
Rachel:
Let’s play something different. Like wedding. You
love that game.
Monica:
We don’t have any grooms.
Rachel:
There’s Ross.
Ross:
What?
Rachel:
Nothing.
Monica:
I can marry him. That’s wrong.
Rachel:
Why?
Monica:
I don’t know. It just is. (climbs down) You’ll have to marry him.
Rachel:
(not too enthusiastic) Okay.
Monica:
You sure? ‘Cause you ran away from Barry
when we played wedding yesterday.
Rachel:
He was making mean jokes about Mr. Potato Head.
Plus, his daddy’s scary.
Monica:
Well, all evil monster dentists are. (they shiver)
Rachel:
Yeah, I know. I’ll play with Ross, I
promise.
Monica:
Ross, play wedding with us. You have to
marry Rachel.
Ross:
Why? (stick a dinosaur in her face)
Monica:
Because, you just have to.
Ross:
No.
Monica:
I pinch you.
Ross:
Nuh-uh.
Monica:
Uh-huh.
Ross:
Nuh-uh.
Monica:
Uh-huh.
Ross:
Nuh-uh.
Monica:
Uh-huh.
Ross:
Nuh-uh.
Rachel:
Stop! If you two don’t quit it, I’ll be
grown up enough to get marry for real.
Ross, please.
Ross:
(reluctantly) Okay, but just this once.
And why can’t Monica go first?
Monica:
I don’t have anybody to marry. Now,
marry Rachel.
Ross:
You’re always making me play your games.
I played house with you and Caroline, but then she left to play with
Susie. And took our
doll with them.
Monica:
I know.
Ross: And Emily? We played married, but
she got mad and didn’t play with me anymore.
Monica:
You called her a circus clown.
Ross:
She talked funny.
Monica:
Anyway…
Ross:
All right, I go first, but then you have to find somebody.
Monica:
I will.
(time lapse)
Monica:
And I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
Ross
and Rachel: No!
Monica:
Okay, don’t. It would be very gross to
see.
Ross:
Okay, I married you. Can I play with
dinosaurs again?
Rachel:
(acting adult-like) Okay, but someday you’ll want to be married to me, and we
will, and I’ll make us be not married.
Ross:
We won’t get married for real. We’ll
have to be crazy.
Judy:
Ross, honey, want a juice box?
Ross:
Is it grape?
Judy:
Yes, dear.
(he runs over)
(time lapse)
Scene
3: The Playground, 1976
(Dr.
Burke, late twenties, and his son come up)
Jack:
Richard!
Richard:
Jack! How you doing, buddy? I thought I bring along little Timmy to play.
Judy:
That’s great, Richard. I think the girls
are playing wedding right now.
(Timmy
runs away)
Judy:
Yeah, there are few like that.
(Monica
runs up to Dr. Burke)
Monica:
Dr. Burke, Dr. Burke. Will you play
marry me?
Dr.
Burke: (gets down on one knee) Well, honey, I’d love
to, but I’m already married to Mrs. Barbara.
Monica:
You’re married to her. You can be not play-married to her for a
minute, and then be play-married to me, and then you can be real-married to her
again. (stops to catch her breath)
Dr.
Burke: Well, I guess that makes perfect sense.
Jack:
(nagging) Richard.
Richard:
Oh, Jack, let her play. You can get mad
at me the second I start real-dating your Harmonica.
Monica:
Dr. Burke!
Richard:
Sorry, Honey. Let’s play.
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Scene
4: Monica’s Apartment, Present
(the gang de-trances)
Monica:
Whoa!
Rachel:
Hey, wait a minute. I remember most of
that stuff. Sorta.
Ross:
Yeah. That was all reality.
Godeerc:
It was. But, did you notice anything?
Rachel:
Yeah, I was a cute little girl.
Joey:
Hey, what about us!
Phoebe:
Yeah, you said you were gonna show us what happened if we all met.
Godeerc:
Okay, okay. Here it goes.
Scene
5: The Playground, 1976
(Young
Monica and Rachel playing tag; Ross pushing a pteranodon on the swing and lets it fly off)
Rachel:
Too bad Dr. Burke had to leave before you could get married.
Monica:
He didn’t want to play with dolls anyway.
Well, we’ll find someone else.
Scene
6: Across the Playground, 1976
(meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Bing drop off young
Mrs.
Bing: Go on,
Mr.
Bing: Yeah, find some friends. (also watching the
jogger)
Mrs.
Bing: Charles! (hits him in the gut)
Mr.
Bing: Nora! (hits her arm)
(
(Ross’s
pteranodon lands in front of him;
Ross:
Hey.
Ross:
No, it’s my pteranodon.
Ross:
Thanks.
Ross:
Pretty much.
Ross:
Cool. So, what’s your name?
Ross:
Ross:
Mine, too. They’re always locking
themselves in their room.
Ross:
Ew! That’s
yucky! You have a pool?
Ross:
Yeah. I hate him.
(A/N: I’m pretty sure there was no Peewee Herman in 1976, but bear with
me.)
(Monica
and Rachel approach them)
Monica:
Ross, who’s that?
Ross:
This is… what your name again?
Rachel:
That’s a funny name.
Rachel:
Mine, too. My mom always acts like a movie star after she goes shopping, and my
dad won’t let me bring boys home. I
think he’s scared of cooties, too. (pause) Hey,
Monica, you can marry… what’s your name again?
Rachel:
…
Monica:
Oh, okay.
Monica:
Well, I’m only six. (holds up a random number of
fingers, then retracts them and counts out six fingers, and displays them) Ross
married Rachel and he’s seven and she’s six.
Ross:
Only for a little bit. Then they let me
play dinosaurs again. It’s really not
bad.
(time lapse)
(Monica is waiting at the front of the monkey bars with a towel over her head)
Monica:
They lost him, didn’t they?
Rachel:
No, I’m sure Ross’ll talk to him.
(Ross
drags
Ross:
C’mon. Don’t be such a baby.
Scene
7: Side of the Playground, 1976
(Mr.
and Mrs. Tribbiani, pregnant; 7-year-old Joey with 6-year-old Gina, 4-year-old Angela,
and 2-year-old Cookie)
Mr.
Tribbiani: Joey, go play with your sisters.
Joey:
Aw, Dad, do I have to?
Mrs.
Tribbiani: Yes, dear. Gina, Mary Angela,
Cookie, play nice with your brother.
The
girls: (in near unison) Yes, Mama. (but Cookie giggles
evilly)
(they travel over to the monkey bars in a beeline)
(the girls scatter)
Monica:
Okay… what’s your name?
Monica:
Yeah,
Joey:
Hey, how you playin’?
Rachel:
Huh?
Joey:
Wha’cha doin’?
Rachel:
Playing wedding.
Joey:
Okay, good-bye. (comes back) But, if you’re looking
for brides, I brought three of them.
Rachel:
Hey, Funny-Named-Kid!
Chan-something! We got another
bride for you.
(time lapse)
Mary
Theresa: You didn’t marry me. You
married Mary Angela.
Joey:
Dude, you don’t remember which one of my sisters you married?
Joey:
They do not. Line up! (they do) See?
(the girls look exactly the same except for height)
Joey:
Never mind.
(Cookie
punches him)
Scene
8: Side of the Park, 1976
(Mrs.
Buffay brings identical twins Phoebe and Ursula to the park)
Mrs.
Buffay: Play nice girls.
Phoebe:
Okay, Mommy.
Ursula:
Yes, Mommy.
(Mrs.
Buffay turns and Ursula trips Phoebe and runs off)
(Phoebe
chases after her until the monkey bars)
(Phoebe
runs into Joey)
Phoebe:
Sorry.
Joey:
It’s okay. Just watch it.
Monica:
Hi, I’m Monica, want to play wedding?
Phoebe:
Sure, but not the bride. I played
wedding once with a guy once, and he got let into my neighborhood’s private park,
and then he ran off to roller skate.
Monica:
Oh, okay. You can be my maid of honor.
Rachel:
I thought I was going to be your maid of honor.
Monica:
Well, you two decide.
Rachel:
Me.
Phoebe:
Me.
Rachel:
Me.
Phoebe:
Me.
Rachel:
Me.
Phoebe:
Me.
Rachel:
Me.
Phoebe:
Me.
Rachel:
Me.
Phoebe:
Me.
Rachel:
Let’s make Ross and Joey to decide.
(time lapse)
Joey:
Wow, don’t you think the girl on the monkey bars is prettier?
Joey:
No, they’re not! Ursula’s much prettier.
Joey:
Oh, okay. Hey, Phoebe, can I marry your
sister?
Phoebe:
No! Marry me!
Joey:
I thought you didn’t want to get married.
Phoebe:
Well, I don’t want her to get married more.
Joey:
Oh.
(time lapse)
(Monica
is marrying them)
Monica:
I now declare you man and wife. You may
now kiss the bride.
Joey
and Ursula: No!
Monica:
Yeah, please don’t.
Joey:
Hey! You’re Phoebe!
Phoebe:
No I’m not!
Joey:
Yes you are. You’ve got a “P” on your
dress, not a “U.”
Phoebe:
Oops.
Joey:
Haha. Yours and your sister’s initials
are “PU.”
Phoebe:
Or “UP.”
Joey:
Yeah, I guess so.
Phoebe:
Sorry about pretending to be Ursula.
Joey:
That’s okay. You’re nicer than she is.
Phoebe:
Thank you. (beams)
Mrs.
Buffay: Phoebe! Ursula! It’s time to go!
(Phoebe
and Ursula run off)
Scene
9: In a Taxi
(Mrs.
Buffay between Phoebe and Ursula, who are reaching across their mother’s lap)
Ursula:
Give me your doll!
Phoebe:
No, I wouldn’t give you my doll! You’re
mean.
Ursula:
But I don’t have my doll.
Phoebe:
Well, you’re not getting her. If I had a
nice brother or something, I’d let him play with it! I’d give him three if I had them! (they start squabbling)
Scene
10: A Taxi Van
(the Tribbianis; Joey talking to his parents)
Joey:
Why couldn’t I take a duck?
Mrs.
Tribbiani: Ducks don’t make good pets.
Joey:
Yes, they do! When I grow up, I’m going
to have a duck and a chicken, and maybe even a monkey! Ross wants a monkey. He also wants a dinosaur.
(his parents laugh)
Scene
11: A Luxury Car
(
Mrs.
Bing: So,
Mr.
Bing: Well, that wasn’t very nice of her.
Mr.
Bing: You divorced?
Mrs.
Bing: Shh! Not the D-word!
Mr.
Bing: Sorry. Martin! Play our song!
The
Driver, Martin: Yes, sir. (turns on the radio)
(it plays, “It’s Raining Men”)
Scene
12: The Gellers’ Porsche
(Rachel
is dropped off)
(Jack
honks his horn)
Judy:
Jack, quit showing off your Porsche.
Leonard may get out his Corvette and want to race.
Jack:
I’d leave him in the dust.
Monica:
Mommy, Mommy! Guess what!
Judy:
What, Honey?
Monica:
I got married!
Judy:
That’s great, Monica. You’d you marry?
Monica:
A boy named… what was his name?
Ross:
Judy:
Well, what about Ross? Did he share some
nuptials?
Monica:
I’m not sure. But he did marry Rachel.
Judy:
That’s cute. We’ll start planning the
wedding.
Monica:
No, it’ll never happen in real life.
Rachel’s going to grow and be a princess. Ross is going to play with dinosaurs all day.
Judy:
Oh, I’m sure he won’t grow up and play with dinosaurs. Ross?
Ross:
Rarr! Arg! (his
dinosaurs fighting)
Judy:
Then again… Jack?
Jack:
I don’t know Judy, that girl may just grow up to be a princess if you ask me,
the way Leonard spoils her.
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Scene 13: Monica’s Living Room, Present
(they de-trance)
Joey:
Wow! That was a long one! Excuse me, my sandwich wasn’t in the mood for
glimpsing.” (he runs to the bathroom)
Phoebe:
You know, there’s was something familiar, something
déjà vu about all this.
Monica:
Yeah, I noticed that, too.
Phoebe:
You think it was because Ursula is so mean now, and that she was so mean then?
Ross:
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it, Pheebs.
Phoebe:
Wait! No, it’s not! I remember that day! But, I don’t think the guy I played wedding
with was Joey.
Rachel:
She’s got a point. If that’s the day I’m
thinking about, and I’m not completely trusting my
memory now, but Monica never found a guy to play her husband that day.
Monica:
I didn’t.
Rachel:
Well, Honey, you’ve had about seven thousand play weddings.
Monica:
Good point.
Godeerc:
Pretty much. Creepy
huh?
Joey:
(coming out) Totally, what was on that sandwich?
Godeerc:
I thought it was parmesan and oregano, but I could be mistaken.
Joey:
Whatever.
Monica:
You know what? Watching that makes me
glad we’re so close now, not so flighty or bellicose.
(ENDING
CREDITS)
Ross:
Well, you’re still a bit aggressive.
Monica:
I am not.
Rachel:
Are too.
(^_^
- Are too;
Monica:
Am not.
Ross
and Rachel: Are too.
Monica:
Am not.
Phoebe:
Well, just goes to show you.
Joey:
Yeah. Oh, Pheebs. (motions
her near) I took Hugsy to the tailor to be mended. Would you mind if I borrow one of your
stuffed animals, just for tonight?
Phoebe:
What? Lend you one of my stuffed
animals? Are you crazy?
Joey:
Why not? Am I not nice?
Phoebe:
I guess…
TV:
Hiya, everybody! It’s time for Peewee’s
Playhouse!
Monica:
AM NOT!
Ross
and Rachel: ARE TOO!
(END)
A/N:
Hey, I’m back on track! I know it’s been
a long sabbatical, but I’m ready to give you some more. I’ll jump right to in the works.
VI.
The One Where the Mystic Changes Vegas.
This one is the very next thing I’m doing. I can probably get it out to you tomorrow.
VII.
Unnamed. This will be the last in the
series. Sorry. But review to Godeerc’s Fifth Visit will Glimpsing ideas and I will do a series of short request
fics. I’m not sure what VII will be
like, but it will include Jessica, and it will be more dramatic.
Some
of Godeerc’s Stuff:
The
One With the Fake Addressees. This is one I’m going to be working on very
soon. Season 7: Rachel and Joey get mail
with odd addressee titles.
The
One With the Hypnotism. This is a brand new idea. It will be very silly, like TOW
Decongestants. I don’t have to tell you
what kind of chaos ensues.
The High School Days series. Okay, I need
to work on this series. The next one
will feature the New Friends and a few deranged teachers.
All
my Fantasy, Clips, and Second Part fics have been temporarily put on hold.
Buffy
fics:
Basically
everything’s been put on hold, except for:
The Mystic in the Hellmouth series. This will not be done for a while, but is not
on hold.
Anything
else:
Any
non-Friends or non-Buffy fic that I’ve promised is likely on hold or
abandoned.
The
Star Wars fic I’m writing will take a lot of time and effort, but I haven’t put
in on the “abandoned” list, yet.
Anyway,
my inspiration is returning, I present to you, Creedog VanDrey, back in black!
^_^
- ?
Yeah,
I know. Just do the closing.
^-^
- Hi! I’m Sonweeso. I’m fwee years
owd. Wanna pway?
©2002. Created Tuesday, January 08, 2002; but not finished until seven months later. Updated Wednesday, October 06, 2004.