The One With the Mistletoe

by Godeerc VanDrey

A/N: Here is it as promised. The One With the Mistletoe, redone and better than ever. I wrote this last Summer during the 2001 Breakdown/Reformatting, and for Christmas, I sending it back to you, with changes made, and in general, a better fic. Don’t worry, very little content will be changed, but in itself, everything will be cleaner and more legible, and it’s also done on Word, so I can use stuff I couldn’t do with only Text documents. After a while, I may have all my works reformatted to Word. It’ll be awhile, but I have no intentions of leaving anytime soon. I love your Friends readers. You have good taste. Anyway, here it is, completely redone, The One With the Mistletoe!

Genre: General, Romance (If you want to call this content romantic)

Rating: PG (A lot my fic are PG for some reason)

Language: English (If you haven’t noticed already)

Summery: The girls hold a small Christmas party at their apartment. With the mistletoe, they rate each other’s kisses. Monica makes eggnog with too much rum, and Rachel drinks too much of it. She gets friendly with Ross. They pass out gifts, some of which are very interesting. This is Season 7, Christmas time. (A/N: Disregard the fact if there was a Season 7 Christmas episode already.)

Scene 1: Joey and Rachel’s Apartment

(Joey and Chandler hanging out)

Joey: So, Chandler, what d’you get me?

Chandler: You’ll find out.

Joey: What d’you get everyone else?

Chandler: (quoting) “Curiosity is what killed the cat.”

Joey: Chandler, there ain’t any cats in here. A duck. And a chicken. But no cats.

Chandler: Tell me, you had to share a lot of things with your… seven sisters, right?

Joey: Yeah.

Chandler: Of all the brains that had to be split between you, how much did they leave you with?

Joey: (sneers) Funny, Chandler. You’re just jealous because the girls are having that Kiss-and-Rate game. You kiss under the mistletoe, evaluate the peck, a brief moment of judging. My kind of game. I even made a scoreboard for them. You’re jealous ‘cause of Monica.

Chandler: It’s okay, Joey, I have no problem with you kissing Monica. It’s a game. And I kind of get to kiss the other girls, too. (quietly) Don’t tell Monica I said that. (Joey shakes his head) By the way, there’s a place for Ross and Monica to evaluate each other’s kisses on your scoreboard. That’s not exactly ethical.

Joey: Oh, I just made the two grids with names. Are you sure you don’t mind me kissing Mon? Hey, man, it’s your fiancée. I’m just glad I suggested it to Pheebs... I mean Phoebe suggested it... and I approved... and I’m not getting anywhere while this alibi, am I?

Chandler: Okay, I have seen the light. The truth is revealed. The light is laughing at me. It thinks I’m an idiot for not figuring it out in the first place. Reminds me of some of the women I used to date. By the way, where’d you learn the word, “alibi”?

(a knock on the door, Chandler answers it, revealing Rachel)

Rachel: Hey. (looks up) So that’s your game, mistletoe on the inside of the door.

Chandler: I’ll give two guesses who put it up.

Rachel: (kisses him briefly and emotionlessly) Ugh, I’d give you maybe a 4.9.

Chandler: 5.3. It wasn’t fireworks for me either. (walks out confused)

Joey: Ooh, ooh, my turn. (runs to the door, and kisses Rachel hard)

Rachel: (overwhelmed) Okay, maybe a 6.1 for enthusiasm. Yuck. I’ve got to find another place.

Joey: Thanks, but you’re only getting like a 4.7 for being subjective. (runs across the hall, with sign and pen in hand)

Rachel: (to Chandler) Did he just use the word “subjective”?

Chandler: Yeah, I think he found my dictionary. I recall him using “evaluate” earlier. Or maybe he got hold of another roll of “Word-A-Day” toilet paper. Plus, it’s not even the right word.

(OPENING CREDITS)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

Scene 2: Monica and Chandler’s Apartment

(Joey at door, followed by Chandler and Rachel)

Joey: (knocks on door, answered by Monica) Hey, Mon (kisses her similar to Rachel) Aw man, no emotion from anyone. You’re even worse, 4.3. (runs in)

Monica: That was a very scary experience. I think I’ll give him like a 2 for lack of sensitivity.

Chandler: Maybe that’s the right idea. Rachel gave him points for enthusiasm. (kisses Monica, enthusiastically)

Monica: Wow, nice. (holding on to him) 8.8 sound good?

Chandler: It’s sounds wonderful. How does an 8.9 sound?

Monica: Sounds like you don’t know how to woo a girl.

Chandler: Ha ha. I thought I was the one to make the jokes. Oh, wait, got one! “Woo” her. Are we living in the 1800’s?

Monica: When did your timing start to suck?

(they enter the living room, where the rest of the gang is waiting)

Monica: Okay, before we open presents, try my eggnog. Sorry if it’s weak. I ran out of rum.

Rachel: (taking a drink, with strong reactions) Weak? I think you mistook gallons for cups when you put in the booze. Tastes all right, though. (takes another cupful)

Joey: You know Ross, if you’re thinking about trying anything with Rachel, now might be a good time. She gets a little… indifferent… when she’s… jumping the bottle, if you know what I mean.

Ross: Yes, Joey, I know what you mean. Not gonna happen.

Joey: Really? Great! Nothing says Christmas spirit like hot, drunken women.

Ross: I think I missed the Christmas special with that message.

Joey: Mind if I take a swing at it?

Ross: Yeah, Joe. It makes me uncomfortable when you go after the women who I used to date.

Joey: (scared) Really? So, if you don’t know about it, it doesn’t count, right?

Ross: I’m going to say “yes,” just to make you happy.

Joey: Thanks. So, unless one of us invited a girl, which I didn’t and you wouldn’t, that limits my options to Pheebs. Ya think?

Ross: I think something’s gotten into you.

Joey: Eggnog with Joey Juice.

Ross: Joey Juice?

Joey: Aphorism.

Ross: Aphrodisiac, you mean.

Joey: Pronounce however you like.

(time lapse)

Monica: Okay, time to open presents.

Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, me first.

Chandler: Phoebe, I don’t see any presents from you here.

Phoebe: Well, you see I really don’t have a lot of money to buy presents with, so I wrote a song instead.

Chandler: A new record for the “It’s the thought that counts” excuse.

Phoebe: Let’s hope I remember it. I didn’t even finish it. That’s kind of a bad start, isn’t it? (singing) La la la la la. (not singing) Oh, shoot, I always mess up that line.

(singing) Christmas, Christmas

Time of Joy

Christmas, Christmas

Good for... for... something-oy.

I love this December (pauses, then nods) December holiday!

Next line ends with -ay

To my friends, they are the best.

There should be a line, here, but I haven’t written it yet... -Est!

Uh, (tune change) Happy Hanukkah, Chandler and Monica…

(short time lapse)

Phoebe: (ending song) Merry Christmas! I love you guys.

Ross: Thanks Phoebe. That was... interesting. Joey, let’s open yours next.

Joey: All right. I hope you like them.

Chandler: Wow, autographed pictures of you. How thoughtful and completely selfless of you.

Joey: (pats him on the shoulder) Thanks, but that’s not all.

Chandler: Whoa, he’s right. It’s a watch.

Phoebe: I got a watch, too. And mine’s prettier than yours.

Chandler: Pheebs, it’s prettier because it’s a woman’s watch. I wouldn’t get caught dead with a watch like that.

Monica: Hey! They’re very nice watches.

Chandler: I know they’re nice. I like mine. I just don’t want a woman’s watch.

Ross: One opinion I’m glad you and your father disagree on.

Joey: C’mon, read the backs.

Chandler: “To my best buddy, forever,” Thanks, man, this is nice.

Ross: “To the greatest, smartest, and… radiant guy I know,” Chandler, you left the thesaurus out again, didn’t you?

Phoebe: “To my beautiful #1 babe,” I love it! I’m not the “babe” kind of person, but I love it! Joey, you put mistletoe in the box!

Joey: Really? Let me check.

Phoebe: (holds it up) What does this look like?

Monica: It looks like you just set yourself up.

Phoebe: Wha...? (kissed enthusiastically by Joey) Whoa, man, you’re good. Too much practice. (pause) Okay, rate it. It was way better than that acting kiss I did for you; that was maybe an 8.8 at the best. Still better than the Ursula-breakup kiss, which was like 9.3. About as good as the “perfect” 31st birthday kiss, a 10, of course, but with less selfless intentions. How does a 9.7 sound?

Joey: All right! Thanks, Pheebs. You deserved a 9.8. Not too bad yourself.

Phoebe: In other words, I rule.

Joey: Yeah, baby.

Chandler: Oh, please let us move on.

Ross: So, Joe, how long have you been waiting to pull that trick.

Chandler: My bet’s on eleven years. (looks at Joey) Make that seventeen. And probably not all of it was waiting.

Monica: Never mind. It’s better than some present we got from you in past Christmases. I don’t like my gift to come out of a bathroom dispenser and cost seventy-five cents.

Chandler: The stores were closed! We did the best we could!

Monica: By the way, Joey, how’d you pay for these?

Joey: DOOL gave us a Christmas bonus.

Monica: Uh-huh.

Joey: And Dad just re-piped a big mansion. Thought he’d give his son a little bit of his inheritance.

Chandler: So, you picked them out?

Joey: I had some help from the salesgirl. She vetoes some really cool Disney character ones. Sorry, you guys. Then I helped her with her Christmas needs. (smiles and nods)

Ross: Never mind. Mon, what’s your watch say?

Monica: “To someone great and admired, Keep the snacks coming” Hey, Rach, what does yours say?

Rachel: (disorientedly) I don’t know… I’m still trying to open the box. The wrapping paper’s pretty tough.

Monica: How much eggnog did you have?

Rachel: (a bit drunk) I lost count after my third cup. (she holds up four fingers)

Monica: (assists her in opening the package, and reads her watch message) “To my conveniently hot best friend,”

Rachel: Ah, Joey, that is so sweet. (starts to teeter over, Monica leans her against the couch)

Monica: Okay, maybe we should have my presents next.

Ross: Mon, I don’t see any presents from you, either.

Monica: I haven’t had a lot of shopping time, so for tonight, I kinda cooked your gifts.

Joey: Monica, no offense, but I don’t like my presents cooked.

Chandler: Yeah, honey, an ugly sweater is a bad present. An ugly sweater, medium well, is a really bad, unreturnable present.

Monica: Very funny, guys. I whipped up some confections.

Joey: Awesome! (leans over to Chandler) Confection… that’s…

Chandler: Food.

Joey: (genuinely surprised) Oh, wow, that is a good present.

Monica: Here, Joey, pizza a la mode. (carries something from the kitchen)

Chandler: Honey, are you sure YOU haven’t had too much eggnog. I’m not really much for an extra large with pepperoni, sausage, and homemade vanilla. And you were frustrated when you couldn’t a job?

Monica: Chandler, I know you’re on a roll, but I want you think of all the jokes you’ve ever made at my expense, especially concerning the prom video. (she and Chandler both shiver) And now I want you to think about what I said when you proposed. That last time. Candles. Here. Me. Nighttime. Remember?

Chandler: Oh... she’s good. Sorry, Mon, really sorry about that. So, we get to keep the rings?

Monica: It’s all right. I put up with it this long. Ring’s really pretty, too. (she smiles at it) Joey, here’s your pizza. It’s a sugar crust with raspberry sauce, and white chocolate shaving “cheese”.

Joey: Whoa, pepperoni and… anchovies?

Monica: It’s specially shaped candy.

Joey: This is great, Monica.

Chandler: And you said you didn’t have time to go shopping.

Monica: It was a slow week at the restaurant, okay? Here’s the rest of it. (holds out a tray of specialty desserts)

Ross: Thanks, Sis, this cheesecake stuff is great. No kiwi this time? (Monica sneers)

Rachel: Hey, Ross, this stupid fork doesn’t work. (stabbing it with the handle)

Ross: (holding his head) Here, let me help you. (assists her in getting a piece on her fork, and lets her take it to her mouth)

Rachel: Ah… (takes the fork to her mouth and misses)

Ross: (as if he were talking to a child) Rach, into your mouth. Wow, this seems familiar. Oh, yeah, that weekend with Ben a few years ago.

Rachel: Mouth. Oh yeah. (continues with considerably more success, but not with out caking her face)

Monica: Ross, help Rachel finish. I think I’ll pass out her gifts while she’s... unavailable. (passes out flat presents)

Rachel: Where’s mine?

Ross: Rach, there from you. You give yourself enough gifts every time you go to the mall. (pauses; to others) Okay, why am I telling this to somebody who, in the same condition, married me?

Chandler: Yeah, you never know what’s going to happen when you marry Ross. You could switch gender preferences, you could have an ex-girlfriend’s name said in your wedding vows, or you could end up married for weeks after you think you’ve gotten an annulment. It’s like a box of chocolate. (a la Forrest Gump) Ya never know what ‘cha gonna get.

Phoebe: Sure you do. You get divorced. Duh. (looks at her glass) Man, this eggnog is strong. (giggles) By the way that accent, is so sexy.

Rachel: Oh yeah. Monica, can I have more egg… whatever it is? (giggles)

Monica: Uh, I don’t…

Ross: (holding Rachel’s head to his chest so that her ears are covered) Get her some from the carton. You know the virgin kind.

Monica: (whispering) Oh, yeah. Good idea.

Rachel: Why would I need virgin eggnog? I prefer my eggnog thorough laid.

(they open their presents)

Phoebe: Ooh! It’s a picture. This is when we had just moved in. It’s such a good one. (shows them the picture)

Monica: I don’t believe it. It’s that picture my mom took of us at that college graduation party. Where’d she get this?

Joey: It us at that carnival we went to a couple a years ago. (displays his photograph)

Chandler: It’s that April Fool’s Day picture Gunther took at Central Perk. Hey, Ross, what’s yours?

Ross: It’s me in a navy uniform… with Rachel… in my arms.

Monica: Whoa… when was this?

Ross: Way back when we were dating. When Phoebe’s navy friend came in. When they had chicken pox? Rachel liked the uniform, so I rented one at the costume place.

Chandler: Can you say, “Ker-crack?”

Ross: (leans into Chandler and Joey) Can you say Princess Leia?

(the two hoop and holler)

Rachel: (falling into his lap, and pointing at the picture) I remember that. (laughs) You were sooo cute! (giggles uncontrollably) And boy did you get it that night.

Ross: You know, this is the first time I could equal nostalgia with aphrodesiac, and it’s quite nice.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

Scene 4: Monica and Chandler’s Apartment

(the gang continuing to open presents)

Chandler: You guys want to open my presents next? (he hands them out)

Phoebe: Oh, how pretty! (holds out candles) They’re candles. Scented. Whoa, this one spells like rum.

Chandler: Yeah, (aristocratic voice) aromatic intoxication for your nightly pleasures.

Monica: Oh my gosh! Earrings! They’re beautiful!

Joey: “Baywatch’s Greatest Hits” and… cologne?

Chandler: It came with the video. The perfume saleslady is one of those girls that I never called back.

Monica: Which explains why I get all my own perfumes.

Joey: Cool. Yeah, baby. Joey’s got some serious entertainment now. I’m gonna have to take a week-long vacation from my job.

Chandler: I wouldn’t, considering you’re on Christmas vacation.

Ross: Caver’s Edge by Dave Goldbeck. Thanks, man. You can’t get too many books about hunky paleontologists.

Monica: You wrote one. Though I wouldn’t quite put it in the Action section so much as the Ooh-la-la section.

Ross: Rach, you swore you wouldn’t show them it!

Rachel: (oblivious) Ross, help me open the pretty present. (giggles and leans on his shoulder)

Ross: It’s hard to stay mad at a drunk person.

Joey: Works both ways. You can easily make a drunken person happy with you. Can’t tell you how many times “I had a good time,” went to, “I had a great time,” only the next morning.

Ross: Let me help you out, Rach. (opens her present) Look, it’s a sweater.

Rachel: Wow, preeeeeetty.

Ross: Yo, Chandler, you left the receipt in the box, man.

Chandler: That was intentional.

Rachel: Ooh, Rachel gets to return pretty sweater... and go shopping.

Ross: Dude, you so took my trick.

Chandler: How many times did you use my trick?

Ross: Just on Rach once. We’re talking about when you…

(Chandler shushes him.)

Ross: Why (mimicks Chandler’s shushing)? Who’s gonna care? You with… you used it on Monica. (cringes) Gross, man!

Chandler: Hey, Ross, how ‘bout you pass out presents.

Ross: (still looking at Chandler with a disgusted look) All right. Her you guys go. (standing up and passes around presents, bouncing Chandler’s off his forehead)

Joey: (ripping paper off) 101 Pick-up Lines, I Am Only As Stupid As I Think I Am, A Complete Bozo’s Guide To Women. Ross, what’s up with this?

Ross: Those are phony covers. A joke to put on your coffee table. They’re joke book. Of various cleanliness.

Joey: Ah. (reading a passage, laughs) Hey, Chandler, you get this?

Chandler: (smiles) Yeah, that’s pretty good.

Joey: (to the side) Mind explaining it to me? (a look from Chandler)

Monica: (holding up a tee-shirt) “Beware: This Premises is Protected by Overprotective Brother” Thanks, I’m going so to wear this to my wedding.

Ross: Get Chandler a shirt that says, “Warning: Highly Sarcastic. Do Not Expose To Stupid Comments.”

Chandler: And get you one that says, “Danger: Extremely Boring. Do Not Place In Or Near Entertaining Events.”

Rachel: Boring? Ross isn’t boring. I ought to tell you about this picture. Mmmph. (muffled by Ross’s hand)

Ross: Monica, were you trying to devirginize the eggnog or sanitize it?

Monica: I only used half a bottle. I ran out. I thought it would be weak.

Phoebe: What about the three cups you put in earlier?

Monica: What are you talking about?

Phoebe: Whoops! That must have been me.

Chandler: Ross! You DID get me that shirt saying “Warning: Highly Sarcastic.” (shows it off) How did you find it?

Ross: Custom order. An ex of mine works at the mall. Who I did call afterwards, by the way.

(Chandler mouths, “by the way”)

Ross: I know, I know. I got you something else too. I’m not that mean.

Chandler: It’s a note saying “Stay Away From My Sister!”

Ross: I thought I took that out! (gets a shove from Monica)

Chandler: Okay, here we go. “Honeymoon Express: Half-price hotel fee at anyone of the following hotels.” Thanks, man. It kind of freaks me out since I’m marrying your sister and all, but thanks.

Ross: I went three weeks without realizing what that coupon entailed. I may not sleep tonight.

Phoebe: Ooh, ooh. It’s a CD. With music on it.

Chandler: With music? Went all out, didn’t you, Ross? (slaps his leg; Monica holds up his shirt in front of him)

Phoebe: No, it’s the kind, you know, where there’s no singing.

Chandler: And on the other end of the spectrum of generosity… a blank disc.

Phoebe: No, just the music.

Joey: (intelligently) It’s undenominational.

Chandler: Oh, yeah, hymns. From the Norwood Church of Christ International. Note: Not affiliated with the Church of Christ, USA.

Phoebe: Wow, you have good vision. You can read words from over there that I can’t see from right here. (holding the CD case to her face) Did I mention this eggnog rocks?

Ross: Kind of reminds me of the time he “accidentally” gave me a check for $3.00. From over there it read $300, but from two feet it read $3.00.

Chandler: Simple mistake.

Ross: And it was a mistake that you wrote out “three” on the line.

Chandler: So I forgot to put the word “hundred.” I couldn’t do anything afterwards. It was my last check.

Ross: Aren’t you lucky?

Chandler: You’ve never been lucky?

Ross: You kidding? On my last business trip, we found the pelvis bone from an adult male Archaeopteryx. It’s the largest that’s been found in the Eurasian region in seventeen years.

Chandler: (shows him his shirt) How ‘bout you get your ex to make you the shirt we talked about?

Rachel: Agh. Stupid present. Let go of the wrapping paper.

Ross: Need help?

Rachel: Yeah, Honey.

Chandler: (questioningly) Honey?

Ross: She calls everybody “Honey.” Plus, she’s drunk.

Joey: Oh yeah, you’re probably dating her in secret. Just like she married you when she was “drunk.” (almost loses his balances and eyes his glass of eggnog suspiciously)

Ross: Tell me, if I were dating Rachel, would I be able to keep it a secret?

All: Oh. Yeah. Good point. (etc.)

Rachel: Ooh, it’s a diamond ring.

(silence)

Ross: It’s not. I’m a romantic, but come on! It’s a necklace. (the stares continue)

Rachel: With diamonds!

Ross: (before anyone asks) Cubic zincornia. She commented once that she wanted a diamond necklace to go with a black dress of hers. I figured it was all about looks, no need to get her the real thing, especially for just a friend. (pauses, and looks at the dizzily swaying Rachel beside him) And since she’s not going to remember anything I say, I’ll add that she looks really good in that black dress. It might encourage her to wear it. (laughs) Hey, we may not be dating, but it doesn’t mean I can’t think she’s still hot. Am I wrong?

Chandler: I guess not.

Joey: Heck no!

Rachel: (getting up, wearing the necklace) Pretty, pretty princess.

Chandler: And who says rich kids are spoiled? (snaps his fingers) Martin, bring the Mercedes around back.

(Rachel, still swaying, falls over, and landing on Ross)

Ross: Okay, I know your respect for me varies, but totally not a chair.

Rachel: Ooh, ooh, there’s something else in the box. (takes it out) Mistletoe!

Ross: (with everybody looking at him) Oh, c’mon, just ‘cause I steal Chandler’s tricks doesn’t mean I steal Joey’s.

Joey: (laughing) Like they’d work for you anyway. (to Phoebe) How you doin’?

Phoebe: I’m not that drunk. (giggles) Okay, maybe I am. Once more from the top, big boy.

Rachel: (holding the mistletoe to her head) Ross… (giggling)

Ross: You know, Rach, given our history, I find that your behavior is very counterproductive to our continued attempts to stay friends. We’ve both moved on in recent years, and though we occasionally have resurfacing feelings, we’re getting to the point where we can reach a stable level before…

Rachel: You talk too much. (kisses him, shutting him up, and pulls his head closer to lengthen the kiss)

Ross: (after he recovers) Whoa… Pheebs, I’ll agree with you on the enthusiasm thing. Give her 9.6, Joey.

Rachel: Someone’s getting lu- (again muffled by Ross)

Ross: That’s nice, Rach. (she settles down in his arms, and falls asleep) Can I get a refill, ‘cause with the way things are progressing, it’s gonna be a load off my conscience if I’m not sober.

Monica: Just to let you guys know, I saw Rachel sneak that in after her second glass.

Ross: Thanks, Monica, I’ll add another point for you on the Joey’s chart.

Chandler: You kissed?

Ross: Calm down. On the cheek. She’s my sister for goodness sake.

Rachel (stirring in her sleep): …love you, Ross… (uncomfortable silence)

Ross: (takes the eggnog straight) Well, it’s been a great party. Plenty of awkward silences, drunken flirting, really everything you can expect from a good party with your friends.

Monica: (quietly) I’ll take her. Looks like she needs a night over in the guest room.

Ross: (weakly laughs; takes one hand and brush the hair off her peacefully sleeping face) Here you go, Mon. (slides Rachel over to Monica)

Monica: Thanks.

Chandler: Mon, I’m going over to Joey’s for minute. (exiting, passes by Phoebe who is now standing by the door) By the way, great party.

Phoebe: (have having a few drinks herself) Bye. (grabs and kisses him) Yuck, like kissing a fish. Two-point-seven. Monica, you have strange taste.

Joey: Bye, Pheebs. (meets her in the kiss with a lot of enthusiasm)

Phoebe: Wow, that was wonderful, but I’m not raising your score.

Joey: Aw, man. (exits)

Ross: Bye, Pheebs. (gets kissed)

Phoebe: 5.0. So bland, so emotionless, but not at all bad. Remind me never to go to parties with you when there’s the potential for drunken confessions of love.

Ross: You handle it so tactfully.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

Scene 5: Guest bedroom

(Rachel sleeping in the guest room)

Rachel: (waking up groggy) Ugh.

Monica: (entering, holding a cup of coffee) Hey, Rach, here’s some coffee.

Rachel: Thanks a lot. I feel awful. What was in that eggnog of yours?

Monica: Three extra cups of rum, thanks to Phoebe.

Rachel: I may maim her.

Monica: Well, you put up quite a show with Ross last night.

Rachel: Oh, no. Did I marry him again?

Monica: No, but you did put mistletoe in his present to you and fell asleep in his arms.

Rachel: Put mistletoe in his present to me? You saw me do that?

Monica: Yeah, you remember? You had already had two glasses of eggnog by that time.

Rachel: Two glasses too many. It’s all really blurry. So, I think I feel asleep in his arms. How did that happen?

Monica: You were pretty woozy. Ross had to help you open several of you presents. Had to help you eat my present.

Rachel: Eat it?

Monica: It was cake.

Rachel: Oh, probably won’t stay down much longer. (rubs her neck, catching the necklace) What’s this? (taking it off to examine it)

Monica: Oh, that’s Ross’s present. A cubic zincornia necklace.

Rachel: Cubic zincornia? Could have fooled me. You know what, it would look really good with that long black dress I’ve got.

Monica: It would.

Rachel: Please tell me I didn’t ramble in my sleep and say something embarrassing.

Monica: Uh… no.

Rachel: (leaning her head back) What did I say?

Monica: (reluctantly) You said something that sounded like “Love you, Ross.”

Rachel: (groans) Again? Monica, I might have to give up drinking if I’m going to continue to confessing my love to Ross. I make messes and Gellers don’t like messes.

Monica: (ferocious look) No, we don’t.

Rachel: I feel so stupid. What’s that on the floor? (outside her door is Joey’s chart)

Monica: Oh, that’s Joey’s chart, remember?

Rachel: I got a 9.6 from Ross. No surprise there. (nudges Monica) I think he’s still harboring that high school crush on the high school me.

Monica: I wouldn’t be surprised. When he’s not in a relationship with someone, he tends to daydream about Carol “getting over” her… preference, or that Emily will take him back, or you, or even Julie.

Rachel: He’s one of those guys. In high school, they’re so shy, and you think they’re weird for wanting a serious relationship, but when you’re biological clock starts to click really loud, you’d be begging for a guy who already has baby names picked out.

Monica: I know. Actually, I’ve always looked for guys like that. How the hell did I end up with Chandler? (puts her chin in her hand to contemplate this) Anyway, why did you give Ross that specific picture?

Rachel: Well, for one thing, to mess with his mind.

Monica: ‘Course.

Rachel: What Ross and I had was great. It doesn’t work anymore, but I don’t want him thinking I’m still angry about him fornicating with that she-devil, Xerox whore… (huffs)

Monica: (wraps her arm around Rachel) No resentment, I’m sure. So, he seemed happy with it.

Rachel: I thought he would. It’s kind of my answer to the Jill thing.

Monica: What do you mean?

Rachel: Ross said the reason he stopped things with Jill was to stop anything coming in between the chance of us happening again. It’s telling him that I’d let it happen again.

Monica: Really?

Rachel: Yeah. I don’t want it to happen. Overly, I mean. Things would get too complicated. And after becoming friends again so many times, I think the passion’s pretty much worn out. But, there are just some things that you won’t reject just to reject them.

Monica: I know what you mean. Well, I’m sure you’d like to get some rest.

Rachel: Yeah, thanks. (Monica leaves) Hey, God. (she looks at the ceiling) What is with you? I keep asking you if you want me to get back with Ross, and you keep sending me these mixed signals. Now, unless you’re going to be more explicit, I’m am trying that Europe story out on someone. I kid you not.

Scene 6: A very cloudly place

A booming voice: Neither do I.

(ENDING CREDITS)

A/N: Okay, I’m lucky a plot developed... sort of. Turned into a RG&RG, didn’t it? Well, might as well, there are barely any of them on FFN. Or J&P. Hey, I have no problem with, C&M. I like C&M. But can we have some diversity? Okay, I hope you liked it. I sure liked writing it. I wasn’t planning a RG&RG, but lately I’ve been looking around at Friends sites, and I like the Ross & Rachel thing. And I was planning to do a RG&RG thing set in the beginning of Season 8. I’ll still do it. Bring the RG&RG count up. I’m not going to ask for reviews. I’m not sure I want to hear what you say, but feel free to anyway. I’m not going to ask for a certain amount of them before I write something else. I love doing this.

A/N: And I’m done again. I didn’t change a lot, but I worked out a lot of the grammar and spelling errors. I reformatted it so that fit my normal outline. I added a joke or two more. I overall just polished it up and sent it right back to you. I hope this one will create an even better impression than the last. Thank you, and Merry Christmas.

_/|_

^_^ -Merry Christmas!