The One With More Sore Hands

IV. The One With More Sore Hands

by Creedog VanDrey

Category: Friends

Genre: Fantasy, General

Rating: PG-13

Language: English

Summary: Season 8. Godeerc comes again. The gang again inquires about the changing of their pasts to see the fate of events. Revolves around the pregnancy of Rachel.

A/N: Yes, another one. No telling how many are going to be out there by the time I retire. (A long time from now, I assure you.) Each time it will be a little later. Well, I may write one that take place in an earlier time, but they won’t be part of the series. Unless… Oh, I don’t know. I’m just rambling here anyway. This one takes place in Season 8 for a change. I may work on this, but I’m not as proud of this one, but it may get better as I work on it. This one deals a lot with Rachel’s pregnancy, and how it changes with Godeerc’s “glimpses.”

Scene 1: Central Perk, Present

(the gang sitting, drinking coffee, talking)

Jessica: (the waitress) Here’s your coffee, guys.

Rachel: Decaf?

Jessica: Yeah, Rach. Decaf. Non-Irish. And it’s not Peruvian, which by the way, has nothing to do with pregnancy complications.

Rachel: I know, but I have an uncle that lived in Peru for a year. He died.

Monica: Oh, I’m sorry.

Rachel: It’s okay. He’s the one who told me he had died. I think he was drunk.

Chandler: And lying by the way. (Rachel gives him a “duh” look)

Rachel: (talking to her stomach, which is slightly pregnant) Listen here, I can’t have caffeine; I can’t have alcohol. You’d better be nice when you come out.

Ross: Please, be nice to our baby, Rach. I want Ben to have a happy brother or sister.

Rachel: Sister.

Ross: (overjoyed) It’s a girl. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?

Rachel: Oh, I don’t know. But the Green family has girls. I mean, me and my sisters.

Ross: What about your dad? He’s a Green, and he seems to be as male as can be.

(Rachel is speechless)

Rachel: Oh. Yeah. This is what I get for having a baby with a smart guy.

Phoebe: I definitely don’t recommend it. (winks at Joey, who’s clueless)

(OPENING CREDITS)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

Scene 2: Central Perk, Present

(same old, same old)

Rachel: (wiggles) Oh, this is going to get crazy when I’m big. (the gang looks at her) I’m big now?

Gang: No. Of course not. (etc.)

Rachel: Right. I wonder what things would be like if this never happened.

Phoebe: Well, all your pregnancy tests would have come out negative.

Chandler: Brilliant deduction, Watson, but the question we must ask ourselves… why is everything I say so elementary and why are you so dear to me?

Ross: In addition, your dad wouldn’t be after my head. (pause) Well, not overly.

Monica: We need Godark or whatever that mystic’s name is to be here.

Godeerc: It’s Godeerc. (the gang jumps up in surprise)

Jessica: Hey, Godeerc. Need anything?

Godeerc: No thanks, Quinceañera, but thank anyway.

Jessica: Oh, sure. By the way, next time you see Chris, tell him “hi” for me, okay?

Godeerc: Will do. (Jessica leaves)

Monica: You guys catch up?

Godeerc: Yep.

(Phoebe winks at him)

Godeerc: What was that?

Phoebe: “Catching up?” Very sly.

Godeerc: “Very sly.” Very funny. We’re old friends, okay?

Rachel: Ooh, ooh, can you do more of those glimpses things? ‘Cause I got a good one.

Godeerc: You would like to know how things would be different if hadn’t gotten pregnant.

Rachel: Okay, you’re scary.

Godeerc: Not really. I just heard you from outside. Ready? (snaps)

Scene 3: Joey and Rachel’s Apartment, 1 Month Before the C&M Wedding

(the “Hiking in Western Europe” night, Ross talking to the camera when Rachel comes in and asks Ross to help her with the invitations)

Rachel: So, did I ever tell you about the time I went hiking...

(a knock on the door)

Rachel: I’ll get it. (the doorway is empty)

Ross: That’s strange.

Rachel: Yeah, no one’s there. Prank or something.

Ross: Hey, know who Emily Colebright is? (holding up an invitation)

Rachel: No. Don’t think so.

Ross: Sorry, I just saw the name Emily and it got me weird. I cannot imagine what would happen if I saw her again. Things would get really weird, especially if I got feelings for her again.

Rachel: (depressed) Yeah.

Scene 4: Central Perk

(back from the flashback)

Rachel: So, what happened. Am I pregnant?

Godeerc: No.

Rachel: Yeah. Yes. (hiding sadness) That’s great.

Chandler: So, we changed?

Godeerc: No.

Ross: By the way, who is Emily Colebright?

Monica: I don’t know. I don’t remember her at the wedding.

Godeerc: That was one of the ones you would have framed.

Gang: Ah.

Godeerc: She’s actually your old dentist. It was a mess-up in the invitation list.

Ross: Wait, this affects none of us?

Godeerc: Hands sore?

Ross: Oh, that’s that trick you do when one of us is engaged or married. Then one of us looks at our hands and… (looks at his hands) I’m engaged!

Godeerc: Bingo.

Rachel: Yeah, but I’m not. Must not be me.

Godeerc: You’re not.

Ross: Who am I engaged to?

Godeerc: Someone who isn’t wary about Rachel’s pregnancy coming between you two.

Ross: Mona?

Godeerc: Yep.

Ross: Why did we go so fast? I thought I’d never try to go too fast in a relationship again.

Godeerc: Things change.

Ross: Tell me this works out. Or do I really become, “Mr. Four Divorces?”

Godeerc: I…

Ross: (groans) How would I ever find my soul mate after four?

Godeerc: You end up marrying Rachel again. But that’s all I know. I don’t know the circumstances or even the final outcome.

Ross: Regardless, is there anyway to save it?

Godeerc: She cheats on you.

Ross: Really? I just can’t see…

Godeerc: I’ll get rid of the marriage…

Ross: Wait...

Scene 5: The Wedding Reception

(Ross about to walk into the hall to get his table assignment)

Godeerc: Dr. Geller.

Ross: Hey, Godeerc, my man. You come to do some more “glimpsing” stuff?

Godeerc: I can’t. I’m just here for the food.

Ross: You got invited?

Godeerc: Not really, but hey, I think you can take some liberties as a mystic. What kind of glimpse you want me to do?

Ross: I don’t know, but I’ve only got time for maybe one. I’ve got to make a speech in a minute. Can I go get my table assignment first? (points toward the hallway)

Godeerc: (looks into the hall and sees Mona walking out) Sure.

Ross: Thanks...

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

Scene 6: Central Perk, Present

(the gang comes out of the glimpse)

Ross: What happened? And why do remember that?

Godeerc: ‘Cause I changed the past.

Ross: So, what happened between Mona and me? She wasn’t in that hallway.

Godeerc: She had just left, when you went in.

Ross: (disappointed) So, I’m not dating her?

Godeerc: (realizes, gasps) No. Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. I just tried to limit the attraction between you two. I don’t know the outcome until I come back. It’s a psychic prediction kind of thing.

Ross: Man.

Rachel: (wiggling around; puts her hand under her shirt) Godeerc, I’m pregnant again!

Monica: What? How does she always end up pregnant? Why don’t I ever get to be pregnant?

Godeerc: I don’t control destiny. Rachel, you know how Monica and Chandler got together, right?

Rachel: Yeah. At Ross’s wedding, they... Okay, tell me I am not pregnant by Joey! (Joey looks offended)

Godeerc: No, still by Ross. Joey was occupied in his own room the night of the wedding.

Joey: Dude, so, with who?

Godeerc: (pauses; his eyes go wide) Oh, boy. It’s… uh… Mona.

Ross: (angry) What?

Joey: (happy) Really?

Godeerc: Okay, this is what happened. Rachel, who after the night that she would have gotten pregnant had put her in a “needing” mood. At the wedding, she came on to Ross, and they ended up dancing, and, later on… other things. Meanwhile, Joey found Mona, instead of Ross, and those two ended up together. So now, Rachel’s pregnant with Ross’s child. And Joey’s hands are sore.

Joey: No, they’re not. (rubs them) Ack! I’m engaged!

Phoebe: (looks at her hands) Well, it’s not me this time. Thank God. (Joey looks offended, so Phoebe winks and blows him a kiss)

Monica: That “sore hands” thing works everything. (rubs her hands) I’m engaged!

Godeerc: (flatly) You’re married. To Chandler. None of this is affecting your marriage.

Monica: Oh, okay.

Godeerc: Joey, you’re engaged to Mona.

Joey: What?

Godeerc: No, no, you’re extremely happy about it.

Joey: Why?

Godeerc: (shivers) Okay, after dating you for a week, she kind of became very... open-minded. (Joey doesn’t get it, so Godeerc whispers in his ear)

Joey: (smiles ear to ear) Cool.

Godeerc: Anyone else’s hands sore?

Rachel: (rubs her hands) Okay, I’m engaged now.

Ross: (immediately looks at his hand) Me too. Why are we engaged again?

Godeerc: Yes, you two got engaged for the baby’s sake.

Rachel: I didn’t want to get married just for the baby.

Godeerc: Well, you’re meeting yourselves halfway. Without Mona in the picture, you finally decide it’s a good thing. (continuously summarizing) In addition, you are dating now, not really in love yet, but dating, hoping to make things work out. You two assume you’re going to fall in love again, so you got engaged for the baby, but won’t set a date until you are in love. I’m not going to go into it.

Chandler: I’m noticing none of this is affecting me or Monica.

Phoebe: Or me! I like have no one! What ever happened to the whole happily ever after thing?

Godeerc: Who said any of this is going to be happily ever after?

Ross: What’s going to happen?

Godeerc: Well, Joey, after you and Mona get married, you both realize you have major monogamy problems, so the marriage lasts two weeks.

Joey: Ross, I beat your record! (raises his hand to high-five; Ross pauses then slap it without enthusiasm)

Rachel: What about us? What happens with us?

Godeerc: You two get too cautious. So, you don’t ever express your love until Rachel goes into labor. Even, then it’s a reaction thing, not a decision, but you get married anyway. It’s not as exciting of a story as it could be.

Ross: Wow, last time, it only took us six weeks to say “I love you,” now it took nine months? (Godeerc raises his shoulders)

Joey: So, what happens to me?

Godeerc: You went into extreme depression over Mona. (Joey looks sad) For about thirty-three hours, when you got over it... with the copier girl. Oh, cruel irony.

Joey: So, what happens after that?

Godeerc: Oh, it was just a one-time thing. You pretty much went back to the way you were.

Joey: Okay.

Phoebe: What about me? Why don’t I find anyone? The first time you did this, I was lonely and got pregnant by Joey!

Godeerc: You want to be pregnant by Joey again?

Phoebe: Not if I don’t have to, just put me with some one? How ‘bout Brad Pitt?

Godeerc: I don’t think so. I may be a mystic, but I ain’t no wizard.

Phoebe: Well, can’t you get me with somebody? Anybody?

Godeerc: Yeah, I guess I can.

Scene 7: Central Perk, Shortly After the Wedding

(Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross in the coffeehouse)

(Ross smiles at Rachel, who smiles back)

Phoebe: Okay, stop it please.

Ross: Sorry, but we’re happy.

Phoebe: I know and I’m happy for you, but with Chandler and Monica on their honeymoon, Joey out with Mona, and you two, I just feel a bit left out.

Rachel: We’re sorry, Pheebs.

Jessica: Phoebe, this came for you. (holds a tray with a cup of coffee and a letter on it)

Phoebe: (takes the cup of coffee) Thanks. (sips)

Jessica: The letter, not the coffee.

Phoebe: Oops, sorry. (replaces the coffee and takes the letter)

(Jessica looks around and takes the cup of coffee to a customer)

Phoebe: (reading it) Oh, it’s a love letter!

Ross: From who?

Phoebe: It doesn’t say, but there’s a riddle.

Scene 8: Central Perk, Present

(the gang comes out of the trance)

Phoebe: Wait! I hadn’t read it yet. Who was it from?

Godeerc: Me.

Phoebe: That’s so sweet, but I thought you and…

Godeerc: No, you ended up thinking it was from Gunther.

Phoebe: I’m sorry.

Godeerc: No, I sent it so you would think it was from some one else. You figured it was from Gunther.

Phoebe: Nuh-uh!

Godeerc: (mimicking her) Uh-huh!

Phoebe: I don’t want to date Gunther. Yuck.

Gunther: (lays down a coffee) If you’ll excuse me. (walks out of the coffeeshop)

Phoebe: Whoops.

Godeerc: You said anybody.

Phoebe: Change it now. Can you do David?

Godeerc: He’s in Russia. I don’t know how I get him to travel here and get him here at an opportune time for…

Phoebe: (looks at Joey) Oh, okay… Joey.

Joey: Hey!

Phoebe: Joey, it’s not about you. It would rock be with you, and it could so happen, but I’m really taking advantage of this glimpsing stuff.

Rachel: Wait, wait! Before you do anything, are any of the rest of us affected?

Godeerc: Very little. The glimpse did almost nothing to the rest of you.

Phoebe: Then change it!

Scene 9: Joey and Mona’s Divorce Hearing

(Joey and Mona at the front, the rest of the gang in congregation)

Judge: So, you’ve both decided to share all property equal, and have joint custody?

Joey: That’s correct.

Mona: Yes.

Rachel: They have kids?

Godeerc: No, they don’t.

Ross: What are you doing here?

Godeerc: I’m always in the glimpses.

Ross: Oh yeah, I’ve never noticed that before. This is a glimpse?

Godeerc: No. I’m making it up. I just wanted to watch.

(A/N: Before the readers get too confused, this is indeed a glimpse, but the characters are not supposed to know this.)

Godeerc: (whispering) Hey, Gunther, can you believe they’re getting a divorce?

Gunther: (who is sitting by Phoebe) No, I can’t. Who would dump a hot girl like that?

Godeerc: I don’t know. Who would dump any hot girl? Like would you dump Phoebe for Mona?

Gunther: Nah.

Godeerc: Yeah, you wouldn’t have the guts for it.

Gunther: You want to bet?

Godeerc: Maybe.

Judge: Hold it. Do you two have any kids?

Mona: No, sir, but we had to choose something on that form under “Custody of Children.”

Judge: (groans) All right, all right.

Rachel: (to Godeerc) When did Mona gets so stupid?

Godeerc: You ever notice how if you hang out with Joey too long, you start thinking on lower levels?

Rachel: Kind of…

Godeerc: Imagine spending every night in the same bed with him.

Rachel: Ah.

(Joey and Mona exit)

Gunther: Phoebe, I’m dumping you for Mona! (runs over and kisses Mona)

Phoebe: Okay. (thinks, pretends to get angry) Nuh-uh! Fine with me, ‘cause I’ve been having an affair with Joey! (Joey looks perplexed) Come here, Lover Boy! (grabs and kisses Joey)

Mona: (looks at Gunther) Eh, why not? (to Joey) You slimeball! (slaps him)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

Scene 10: Central Perk, The Day After the Hearing

(the gang comes out of the trance, no longer in the glimpse)

Joey: (rubbing his cheek) Man, how did you get used to that, Godeerc? (swaying)

Godeerc: I do this a lot.

Ross: So, what’s happened?

Godeerc: Phoebe, you ended with Joey, at least for a while. I’m pretty sure you end up with someone else for good. It’s kind of fuzzy.

Phoebe: Yay! On both parts? (gives a kind smile to Joey, who shrugs his shoulders)

Godeerc: Ross, Rachel, you still have the baby. You still fall in love. You still get married. Everything’s happy. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Ross: Everything’s happy?

Godeerc: Well, Dr. Green was none to happy having the baby born before you and Rachel got married, but yeah. You tell him off once after a bout of criticism and afterwards, he gets teary-eyed, hugs you, and welcomes you into the family.

Monica: Everything’s the same with Chandler and I?

Godeerc: Oh, no. I almost forgot. (smiling) Apparently on your honeymoon, somebody took a sugar pill instead of their birth control. And someone else used the wrong kind of protection.

Monica: (face about explodes with a smile) Chandler, did you hear that? Chandler?

(Chandler has fainted onto the couch)

Monica: Well, that was to be expected.

(CLOSING CREDITS)

Joey: What else?

Godeerc: Well, I guess take a look over the counter.

(Gunther has about six women on him)

Godeerc: After he dumped Phoebe for Mona, he became quite a lady’s man.

Rachel: Oh my gosh, is the girl who’s doing that... (shivers) to Gunther... is that Chloe?

Godeerc: Uh, yeah.

Joey: Six? How does he pull that off? (pause) This all disappears when you leave, doesn’t it?

Godeerc: (gets up to leave) Yeah. Rachel will be a month more pregnant, she and Ross will no longer be engaged, Ross will be dating Mona, and Chandler and Monica will be married, Monica won’t be pregnant.

Godeerc: Bye, Jessica.

Jessica: Bye, Godeerc. See you later. Remember, to tell Chris I said “Hi.” (Godeerc nods) He’ll forget.

Gunther: (the girls haven’t disappeared yet) Hey, Jessica. There’s plenty of Gunther to go around. (Jessica pauses, then punches Gunther hard square in the face, and he collapses as the girls disappear)

Phoebe: You go, girl! (turns around) Nothing warms you heart like punching a guy square in the face. (Joey, Ross, and Chandler scoot away)

(END)

A/N: And I’ve done another one. I told you I’d get a lot out to you during Winter Vacation. I even reformatted more of my work. It did work, thought and know it looks really funny, but hey, it’s all good.

In the works? Well, I’ve got a few more Alter Ego Phase fics in mind. I have another Godeerc the Mystic fic idea planned. I want to do another one with more of Jessica in it. I’ve got The One With the High School Days in the works. Chapter 1 will be up shortly. Don’t worry, I have enough to do. You can expect a lot more of my work.

___

(^_^) – See you later. Maybe even in a “glimpse.”