The One With
the Campouts
by Godeerc VanDrey
Category:
Friends
Genre:
Humor, General
Rating:
PG
Language:
English
Summary:
Phillip travels with his scout troop on a campout, but encounters a cold
front. Justine and her family travel
A/N:
Okay, I’m back again. I have had the
most insane amount of homework. But, I’m
back and ready to finish this series.
This is the second fic in the High School Days
series. This one will feature Phillip Maxx (sort of, a lot of J, M, & D, too) and Justine
Reyes. My wish, as you know, is to get
you to better understand (and distinguish between) the new characters of The
One With the New Friends. I have planned all of these
out, and I think they will be very funny.
I think. You, the wonderful
beautiful readers, are the judge. (Take special notice of the flattery.)
Scene
1: Outside a
(James,
Matt, Daniel, Phillip, and other boys in front of a van)
James:
Yeah, Karl says we’ll back in plenty of time for the play. We’ll be back by noon. The play’s not till
Matt:
I know, but I still am worried. What if
the van breaks down?
Daniel:
Don’t honkin’ worry. We’ll be fine.
Matt:
But, you know. There is a cold front
coming in.
James:
We’ll be fine. We brought warm
clothes. How cold could it get?
Matt:
You know, you’re just tempting fate.
James:
Fate deserves to be tempted.
Daniel:
That may be the most interesting thing I’ve ever heard
(OPENING
CREDITS)
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Scene
2:
(Justine,
teenage, in a minivan)
Mr.
Reyes: Hey, Justine, honey, are you having fun?
Justine:
(a skinny fourteen-year old girl with dark hair; sarcastic) Loads.
Mr.
Reyes: (a man of medium stature, dark hair, and round glasses) Well, that’s
great.
Max:
(Justine’s little brother; touches her arm) Tag, you’re it.
(Justine
gives him a look of death)
Max:
I win.
Justine:
Mom, can we please drop him off in
Mrs.
Reyes: (a rather tall woman with short, dark hair) As
appealing as that sounds, Honey, we can’t just drop him off. What would we do with his room?
Justine:
I could find something.
Mr.
Reyes: Justine, I think somebody wants to do car games.
Justine:
No, Dad, that is so not what I want.
Mr.
Reyes: You can’t fool your old dad.
Justine:
(under her breath) Unless you count the time I sneaked
out and told you it was our cat on the roof.
Or the time…
Scene
3: A Campsite, at night
(the van drives up)
Karl:
(the aged Scoutmaster with white hair, wire-rimmed glasses, and a goofy smile)
Okay, boys. Let’s set up our tents.
(several boys struggle to open the doors, but fail)
(finally, one of them opens, sending ice shards off the door)
Matt:
I think we landed in
Daniel:
Nah, too cold. Probably
one of the outer planets. I knew
we should have let Mark drive.
Karl:
Well, come on, set up your tents.
Matt:
Uh, Karl, the trailer’s frozen. (yanking on the indeed
frozen shut trailer)
Karl:
(looks) Well, yes, indeedee. (kicks the door; ice
shards fly)
James:
Karl, that was the door handle.
Karl:
Oops.
Scene
4:
(The
Reyes minivan speeding along)
Reyeses
minus Justine: (singing) On the road again, on the
road again…
(Justine
has written “HELP” on her window)
Max:
Dad, can we sing “100 Bottles of Pop On the Wall”?
Mr.
Reyes: Son, we have four more hours in the car to go until we get to
Max:
(singing) 1000 bottles of pop on the wall, 1000 bottles of pop…
(Justine
adds to her message: “OR KILL ME”)
Scene
5: The Campsite
(the boys setting up tents)
(Phillip
pulls back on a drawstring and backs into a tree, and a branch falls and
shatter beside him)
Phillip:
(a rather short boy with messy, mousy-brown hair) James, do you think it’s safe
to be out in such cold weather? James?
James:
(mumbles, for his mouth is frozen shut; he falls over and the sound of grass
shattering is heard)
Phillip:
I’ll take that as a “No, but we’ll survive.”
Scene
6: In Front of a Hotel
(the Reyeses get out of their minivan)
Justine:
Finally. (gets out, but falls over)
Mrs.
Reyes: Justine, Max, stretch your legs before you get out.
Max:
Okay, Mom.
Justine:
(mumbles to herself) That information would have been
useful about ten seconds ago. (gets up)
Scene 7: Inside the hotel
(The
Reyeses enter)
Receptionist:
Welcome, do you have reservations?
Mr.
Reyes: Yes, sir, under Reyes.
Receptionist:
Let’s see. Yes, two queens?
Mr.
Reyes: That would be it.
Justine:
Mom, Tell me I’m not sharing a bed with Max.
Mrs.
Reyes: Would you rather sleep on the floor?
Justine:
Do I even have to answer that?
Mrs.
Reyes: We’ll get a folding bed, okay?
Justine:
Thanks.
Max:
I call it.
Justine:
Be my guest.
Mrs.
Reyes: Okay, to decide who get the roll-away, heads or tails? (holds out a coin)
Justine:
Mom, it’s okay.
Max:
Tails!
Justine:
Max! I thought you wanted the roll-away.
Mrs.
Reyes: Heads. Sorry, Max. Justine, you lucky girl, you get the
roll-away.
Justine:
(groans)
Scene
8: The campsite
(inside James and Phillip’s tent)
Phillip:
Are you cold?
James:
In my double layered, down mummy bag with a wool sheet and thermal
underwear? You’d better believe it.
Phillip:
It’s just a front. It’ll go away
soon. It’s hasn’t done any damage, has it?
James:
Look at my coat.
(Phillip
picks it up, shines a flashlight on it, and gasps)
Phillip:
It’s got like a million holes in it.
What happened?
James:
Frozen grass blades. I’m lucky they
shattered before they hit my skin.
Phillip:
(calls out) Hey, Matt, how you and Daniel doing?
Matt:
Great, we trying to set our sleeping bags on fire. It’ll make them toasty.
James:
No to mention… them.
Phillip:
I don’t see any light. What’s wrong?
Matt:
The lighter fluid in my lighter is frozen.
Phillip:
Try matches.
Daniel:
We did. They broke when I tried to
strike them. I’m using my first aid kit
to pull out all the splinters.
James:
The real reason to “Be Prepared.”
Scene
9: The Hotel Hallway
(the Reyeses walking down the hallway)
(they walk up to an elevator)
Mr.
Reyes: (reading) Elevator Closed for Repairs.
Well, we’ll take the stairs.
Justine:
Dad, this hotel is cheap.
Mr.
Reyes: Don’t say that. Just because it’s not the Hilton.
Justine: No, dad. There’s
no elevator. The elevator doors don’t
crack down the middle. It’s a prop.
Mr.
Reyes: Scenery.
Justine:
Dad, you put a whole new twist on “optimism.”
Mr.
Reyes: I’m an optimistic person.
Justine:
You a stay-at-home dad with a teenage daughter and a son who has all of the
attitude of a teenager, but none of the maturity.
Mr.
Reyes: I have two wonderful children and a beautiful wife. Not especially in that order.
Justine:
We will be sleeping in the same room, Dad.
No more flirting.
Mr.
Reyes: That goes for you to, little Missy.
Justine:
I haven’t seen a teenage boy in twelve hours.
Mrs.
Reyes: Actually…
Justine:
That was not a teenage boy. The guys had
more artificial chemicals on the inside than natural ones.
Mrs.
Reyes: No, I was talking about the nice waiter at the restaurant we went to.
Justine:
He stuttered like a maniac and I don’t think he had grown a single hair below
his hairline.
Mrs.
Reyes: And you say you don’t notice boys.
Justine:
Two days, just two more days.
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Scene
10: The Campsite, the Next Morning
(the boys warming themselves in front of a fire barrel)
Matt:
So, James, how’d you sleep last night?
James:
Pretty well. Of course, I probably froze
from cold, and then was woken up.
Phillip:
So, tell me, guys. How did you get out
of your sleeping bags? My zipper was
frozen. I had to chip the ice off the
zip.
Matt:
How’d moisture get into your tent?
James:
We think it was dry ice.
(the guys ponder that)
Phillip:
Man, it’s cold. (leans in
toward the fire)
Daniel:
Oh, come on, it’s not that cold.
Phillip:
Hey, are those icicles at the bottom of the fire barrel? (they
look)
Daniel:
Okay, so it’s strangely cold, so what?
James:
Dude, we are defying natural law here.
Icicles do not form on the bottom of a roaring fire.
Phillip:
It won’t be roaring much longer. Those
logs are frozen.
Daniel:
Therefore will require a lot of heat to melt.
It’ll be burning for ages.
Phillip:
Unless it freezes.
Adam:
(another Scout, of a heavy stature and flat brown hair) Flip, fire can’t
freeze. Water can’t burn. It’s natural law. Fire is a chemical reaction of the breakdown
of organic substance into carbon dioxide.
It can’t happen.
(a crackling sound is heard, and the glow of the fire
disappears)
Daniel:
That may be the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.
Scene
11: The Hotel
(the Reyeses walk in)
Justine:
Okay, you sure this isn’t the laundry room?
(the room is pretty basic, with two beds without sheets, and
a TV)
Max:
TV! (he runs to it and turns it on)
Mr.
Reyes: See, a TV, Justine. A good one to. They
even have HBO. (looks at the screen) Max! (grabs the remote and flips through channels)
Justine:
(watches) Let’s see.
HBO Adult Special, static, Spanish vigilante access channel, HBO Adult Special…
There’s a trick… static, Spanish vigilante, static… I’m beginning to see a
pattern here.
Scene
11: The Campsite
(a herd of penguins is gathered around the fire)
Phillip:
They’re so cute. (he snuggles up to a penguin chick,
but a large male squawks at him and he gives it back)
A
Penguin: Gee, it’s really cold out here.
We just came down because the polar bear population is starting to
accelerate.
Another
Penguin: (in a watered-down British accent) Which we
find rather unusual, because President Reagan was never much for conservation.
A
Third Penguin: (in a deep, Southern accent) Not to mention his VP, George H. W.
Bush.
A
Female Penguin (with a sharp
A
Fifth Penguin: (with an elderly Irish accent) Well, if you ask a woman.
The
Female Penguin: I resent that.
Phillip:
Guys, the penguins are talking.
James:
It’s a hallucination.
Phillip:
Is George Bush the Vice President?
Matt:
Yeah.
Phillip:
Well, I didn’t know that; the penguins starting talking about it.
Adam:
It’s a sad day when penguins talk politics. (to a
penguin) By the way, you think Bush’ll ever become
President?
(the waddles off, but turns and shakes his head)
Adam:
Me neither.
(A/N:
I need to clear up some confusion. This
is 1986, when the gang was in high school.)
Scene
12: The Hotel
(Mr.
Reyes on the phone)
Mr.
Reyes: Hello? We’d like to get some
sheets up here. Three sets. And a pull-away bed. And four pillows. And we need some towels. (listens)
All right, thank you. (knocks
on the bathroom door) Justine, sweetie, towels are on the way.
Justine:
(from inside the bathroom) Thanks. (a hard thud is
heard)
Mrs.
Reyes: What was that.
Justine:
The toilet paper. It dented the floor.
(water in the shower is heard)
Mrs.
Reyes: How’s the water?
Justine:
Well, seeing that the first few drops were ice shards, I’d say cold. (a metallic clink is heard) Just the shower
head.
Mr.
Reyes: What about the pipes? Shouldn’t
there be water spewing out?
Justine:
Well, it’s the most spewing trickle I’ve ever seen. Well, it got warm now.
Mrs.
Reyes: That’s good. It warmed up pretty
quickly.
Justine:
Warm isn’t the right word. It’s coming
out as steam now. Is it supposed to be
green?
(Mr.
and Mrs. Reyes look at each other, horrified)
Scene
13: The Campsite
(Phillip
huddled over a tent stake)
Karl:
Phillip, you need to get your tent down.
And you shouldn’t be so close to a tent when starting a fire.
Phillip:
Sorry, but I need to defrost the ground to pull out my stake.
Karl:
Oh. Well, anyway. We’re leaving in thirty minutes.
Phillip:
Okay.
(time lapse)
(Phillip
is done defrosting the ground, and is starting to work with the upright tent)
James:
You need help removing the poles?
Phillip:
I already took out the poles.
James:
Wow. (kicks the tent and it collapses as ice falls
off) We need to watch the Weather Channel next time we go on a campout.
Scene
14: The Hotel Room,
(Mr.
Reyes on the phone)
Mr.
Reyes: We ordered the towels and sheets three hours ago! Cancel the towels, but we really need
sheets! And could you please bring us
our dinner?
Scene 15: Hotel Front Desk
(a man on the phone)
Man:
(Hispanic accent) I’m sorry, sir. It’s
been a busy night.
(one of his coworkers is chewing gum; others are playing
cards; one is drinking)
(the gum chewer spits his gum in the air and it lands on his
head, and he falls backwards in his chair to the ground)
Scene
16: The Hotel Room,
(the Reyeses asleep on sheet-less beds)
(Justine
asleep next to Max, both who are kicking each other in
their sleep)
(lots and lots of snack wrappers and empty cans of soda are
on the ground)
Scene
17: On the Road Again (On the road again…/ So glad to
be… on the road again)
(Phillip’s
troop’s van speeding along)
(the van hits a pot hole, and tire blows out and they
screeches to a stop)
(the boys get out)
Matt:
Oh, boy, I knew hitting that moose was a bad omen.
James:
Oh, he wasn’t hurt. Plus, it was Adam’s
fault that he wasn’t finish putting up his tent. That moose would have never gotten his antler
stuck in the fabric.
Adam:
My poor tent. Well, it’s in a good home
now.
(Scene
Flash: the tent is still stuck to the moose’s antlers; the moose is caught in a
tree)
Phillip:
Where are we?
Karl:
Well, according to your dad, we just outside of
Phillip:
What about the tire?
Karl:
We’ll get the spare out in a minute.
A
Lady’s Voice: Hello?
Karl:
Hello?
(an Italian-looking woman comes around)
Gloria:
Hello? Having car trouble?
Karl:
I’m afraid so. It’ll take awhile to fix
though.
Gloria:
Listen, my husband’s a great handyman.
Karl:
Well, thank you very much.
Gloria:
Listen, the boys must be starving.
Karl:
Yeah, we lost a lot of time trying to pack up.
Gloria:
In this weather? We lucky Joey’s a
plumber or all our pipes would have burst.
We’re about to have some spaghetti.
Care to join us?
Karl:
We love to, but I doubt you could feed us all.
Gloria:
Nonsense, we have plenty. We have eight
children.
Karl:
Wow, he is quite handy.
Scene
18: A Rest Stop
(the Reyes family inside a convenience store)
Justine:
(reaching to grab a snack on the top shelf) And they
call these convenience stores. (finally gets it, but a
dozen more bags pelt her) Okay, I guess it is going to be a long trip. (to her dad) I’ll be in the van, okay?
Mr.
Reyes: Sure, honey. (looking at two different-sized
bottles of Coke) Jennifer, you’re the businesswoman, which bottle is a better
buy.
Mrs.
Reyes: The smaller one should be. 20 oz.
bottles are sold for 33 cents a pop directly, but 24-oz. are sold 41
cents.
Mr.
Reyes: Thanks. (mumbles to himself) Yeah, she can
negotiate world trade distribution, but watch he try to stay on budget when she
goes shopping.
Scene
19: Outside the Rest Shop
(Justine
walks around the corner and walks into something)
Justine:
Whoops. (the cardboard box moves) Uh,
hello?
The
Girl Inside the Box: Hello?
Justine:
Uh, sorry, miss.
Phoebe:
(the girl comes out) It’s okay. I get a lot of people running into me.
Justine:
Then why don’t you move?
Phoebe:
(thinks) So simple, so easy.
Justine:
What are you doing in a box? Your parents unemployed?
Phoebe:
Well, my mom is. She’s kinda dead.
Justine:
Oh, sorry.
Phoebe:
And my dad? Well, he’s an abandoning b-
(a truck comes by and honks its horn)
Justine:
I see. (throws her one of the snack packs she bought)
Phoebe:
Okay, shouldn’t have done that. I’m
really hungry and it’s going to be very hard for you to get it back.
Justine: It’s yours. (reaches into her pocket) And
here’s a bit of money. (drops her change in Phoebe’s
hand)
Phoebe:
Wow, you’re so nice. But I’d back up a
step, ‘cause this has never happened before and I’m
liable to do something unexpected.
Justine:
I’ll remember that.
Phoebe:
Why the charity?
Justine:
Let’s just say that my last hotel room was about a nice as your box.
Phoebe:
See you later. Actually, probably not,
but it’s a nice thing to say.
Justine:
Well, thank you.
Phoebe:
I didn’t give you anything.
Justine:
That’s okay. I don’t need anything. Bye, actually, I didn’t get your name.
Phoebe:
Phoebe. Phoebe Buffay.
Justine:
Justine Reyes.
(they shake hands)
Phoebe:
Wow, I like your aura.
Justine:
(looks down at her clothes) My what?
Phoebe:
Aura.
Justine: Oh, thanks. (thinks)
Phoebe:
Wait, wait. (grabs something from within her box)
Here. (drops a blue pebble in her hand)
Justine:
Wow, it’s pretty. What makes it blue?
Phoebe:
I found it at the bottom of a lake near a nuclear power plant. (Justine drops
it) Just kidding! It’s probably quartz
or something. Some
geological paleontological thing.
Justine:
(looks at something on her box) Why do you have a
keychain on your box?
Phoebe:
Compliments of PBS. As if I had a car.
Justine:
See you later.
Phoebe:
Maybe. Hopefully.
Scene
20: The Tribbiani House
(the troop and an Italian family gathered around a table)
(the broken down van seen outside the window, smoking)
Mr.
Tribbiani: Well, it was nice to have you all over. (grabs
a great forkful of spaghetti from a bowl)
(Mrs.
Tribbiani comes out and puts a whole new bowl on the table)
Phillip:
(to the boy next to him) Hey, what’s with all the
spaghetti?
Joey,
Jr.: Well, there are only ten people in my family. And my parents are big Catholics and they
give what we don’t eat to charity, so we’re always loaded.
Phillip:
As I can see. How do you survive with
seven sisters? I can barely take one
brother.
Joey:
I hang with friends a lot. Plus, ‘cause they’re all girls, I get my own room. It’s small though.
Daniel:
So, both of you are named Mary? (two girls nod)
James:
Parents start running out of names?
Mary:
Well, we have seven great-aunts named Mary.
Matt,
James, and Daniel: Wow.
James:
So, tell me, some of your girls’ names rhyme?
Three
Tribianni girls: (in unison) Uh-huh.
Matt:
(silently aside to James) Well, I’d say their parents did it because they
looked similar, but…
(a line of seven identical girls in descending height is
seen)
(the van outside is on fire)
(a
moose with a tent on his antlers and eyes stumbles into the flaming van, and
the tent catches and the beast falls upon the hood of the van, which levers up,
creating a upside-down “V” with the trailer)
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
(CLOSING
CREDITS)
Scene
21: The Hotel Room
(empty; the door opens)
Room
Service: (thick Hispanic accent) Hello?
I’ve got sheets for you. (looks inside, and
finds it empty) That’s okay. (he throws the sheets on
the bed, and starts to chow down on the meals, he turns of the TV) Yeah, baby.
(his eyes widen)
(END)
A/N:
Whew! That was difficult. I am so sorry it took so long, but we got out
for MLK day, and I finally got a chance to catch up. Parts 3-5 will be out sometime in the near
future. As will all the other fics I’ve
got planned.
In
the works:
The
One With the High School Days, Part 3: The One With
the School Play: Halley performs, unlike her fellow stars; Christopher outdoes
the programming teacher.
Part
4: The One With the Marching Competition: Annacaye
busts a move (or several); Adrienne takes the band to competition, but finds it
most eventful.
Part
5: The One With the Winter Dance: At the upcoming
dance, Jessica gets on Rachel’s bad side; other semi-catastrophic events occur
there as well.
The
One With the Fake Addressees: Rachel and Joey get mail
with assorted addressees;
The
One With the Sweet Dreams.
The
One With the Auras.
What
Creedog’s working on:
V.
The One With the Mystic’s Fifth Visit.
VI.
The One Where the Mystic Changes Vegas.
^_^
- …318 bottles of pop on the wall, 318 bottles of pop… Take it, Max!
©2002. Created