The One With the Twelve Days
by Godeerc VanDrey
Category: Friends
Genre: General,
Rating: G
Language: English
Summery: Season 9.
Has nothing to do with the current Season 9 show. The gang enjoys Christmas with song
A/N: Well, it’s time for my yearly Christmas present to
my fans. This year, I didn’t have the
time to write a Christmas story, so I thought you might settle for a nice
Christmas song fic. Also, I’m updating
both of my old Christmas stories for you.
Scene
1: Central Perk
(Phoebe
with her guitar and singing on stage; Ross and Rachel playing with Emma on the
couch;
Phoebe:
(singing) [guitar strum] Well, what do you know, it’s [strum] Christmas again.
And [strum] look, the snow is [strum] falling.
And all around, my [strum] friends are smiling. But their moms didn’t [continuous strumming]
kill themse-e-e-e-e-e-e-elves.
(the gang holds smiles)
And
[strum]
(Monica
tries to put on an appreciative grin)
And
[strum] Ross and [strum] Rachel are playing with [strum] Emma, their super-cute
baby [strum] girl. (Ross and Rachel smile) They [strum] just might see Santa
[strum] Claus this year. They’ll be
[strum] up changing baby [strum] Em. (the two laugh)
The smell might send him [strum] away.
Unless he [strum] catches Rachel breast-[strum]-feeding, then he [strum]
just might leave them more… [strums] presents.
(Rachel
blushes, but still laughs)
And,
my [strum] best friend, Joey, he’s been [strum] good all year. Well, as [strum] good as Joey can [strum]
be. He’s been [strum] flirtin’ a little too much [strum] lately, (not singing)
but he introduced me to Mike, my wonderful boyfriend who is awesome in bed
(singing) so [strum] give him all he wants…
Merry Christmas! [random strumming]
(the gang cheer wildly for Phoebe)
(OPENING
CREDITS)
Scene
2: Central Perk
(same: Phoebe on stage; Ross and Rachel with Emma, Monica
reading,
Phoebe:
(singing) On the First Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
comes by and gives her a cup of coffee)
Phoebe:
(aloud) Thank you. (singing)
On the Second Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Rachel:
(without looking up; sings) Two crazy sisters…
(Jill
and Amy Green sit down at a table)
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
puts two cups of coffee down on their table)
Jill
and Amy: Thank you.
Phoebe:
On the Third Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Ross:
(without looking up; sings) Three failed marriages…
(Carol
and Susan come at sit down at a table; Emily Waltham and Colin sit down at
another table near the back)
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
… and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
puts a tray of coffee down at Carol and Susan’s table)
Carol
and Susan: Thank you.
Phoebe:
On the Fourth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther,
not paying attention, pours a pitcher of coffee in a miniature pine tree on the
counter and fills a empty mug with a watering can)
Lady:
(at counter who just got her cup filled; takes a sip) Thanks, but this coffee
is rather weak. (takes another sip)
Phoebe:
On the Fifth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Gunther:
(in a full, baritone voice; in an opera pose) Five… golden… bagels… (with a tray with five bagels)
(he starts to serve them)
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
leans against the counter, proud of his solo, and pours himself a cup of
coffee, then spits it out)
Phoebe:
On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Gunther:
Five… golden… donuts… (with again, a tray with five
donuts, which he start to pass out)
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
serves
Joey:
Thanks, man.
Phoebe:
On the Seventh Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Joey:
(while staring out the window) Seven sisters a-gigglin’…
(Joey’s
sisters walk in)
Gunther:
Five… golden… scones… (with a tray of scones, A/N:
What a surprise!)
(he serves them)
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
serves the Tribianni sisters
coffee, each mug has a name on it: Mary-Angela,
Tribianni Sisters: Thanks. (random giggling)
(Gunther
walks away and they exchange mugs)
Phoebe:
On the Eighth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Monica:
(looks at her watch) Eight dishes a-cookin’…
Joey:
Seven sisters a-gigglin’… (his sisters giggle)
Gunther:
Five… golden… muffins… (he serves them on a tray)
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
serves Monica a cup of coffee in a to-go cup, and she runs out of Central Perk)
Monica:
(as she runs out) Thanks.
(the music stops)
(Ross,
Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey look at
Joey:
All right!
(music starts again)
Phoebe:
On the Ninth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Executive
Producers Marta Kauffmann, Kevin S. Bright, and David Crane: (from a table
behind the gang) Nine seasons a-runnin’…
Monica:
(runs in with a plate of cookies) Eight dishes a-cookin’…
Joey:
(aloud) That was fast. (grabs
a cookie, swallows after a several seconds of silence, then sings) Seven sisters a-gigglin’… (his sisters giggle)
Gunther:
Five… apple… ciders… (he serves them on a tray)
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
serves the executive producers coffee)
Kauffmann,
Crane, and Bright: Thanks.
Phoebe:
On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
(Emma
starts crying)
Ross
and Rachel: (in unison) Ten toys for Emma… (shower her with baby toys from her bag)
Kauffmann,
Bright, & Crane: Nine seasons a-runnin’…
Monica:
(serving the cookies) Eight dishes a-cookin’…
Joey:
(wipes cookie crumbs from his mouth, causing another bough of silence) Seven sisters a-gigglin’… (his sisters giggle)
Gunther:
Five… iced… sweet teas… (he serves them)
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
serves Emma a bottle of milk with a Central Perk logo and a tiny mug handle on
both sides and two cups of coffee for Ross and Rachel)
Ross
and Rachel: Thanks.
Emma:
(coos)
Phoebe:
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Joey:
(swallows a mouthful of cookie) Eleven new episodes of
DOOL…
(the music stops)
Joey:
(slowly) Days Of
Our Lives… (takes another bite)
The
Others: Ah…
(the music starts)
Ross
and Rachel: Ten toys for Emma…
Kauffmann,
Bright, & Crane: Nine seasons a-runnin’…
Monica:
(with an empty platter and a headless reindeer cookie in her hand) Eight dishes a-cookin’…
Joey:
Seven sisters a-gigglin’… (his sisters giggle)
Gunther:
Five… cappuccinos… (he serves them)
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
Phoebe:
…and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
turns on the television to Days Of Our Lives, and sips coffee, which he spits out)
Phoebe:
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
(Jack
and Judy Geller enter)
Jack
and Judy: Twelve boughs of mistletoe… (they kiss)
(Ross
and Monica cringe)
Joey:
Eleven new episodes of DOOL…
Ross
and Rachel: Ten toys for Emma…
Kauffmann,
Bright, & Crane: Nine seasons a-runnin’…
Monica:
(with an empty platter) Eight dishes a-cookin’…
Joey:
Seven sisters a-gigglin’… (his sisters giggle)
Gunther:
Five… cups… of… coffee…
All
Six: Four Christmas trees…
Ross:
Three failed marriages…
Rachel:
Two crazy sisters…
All:
(dramatically) …and Gunther with a cup of coffee.
(Gunther
serves coffee to a man in a Santa suit, who puts Chick
and Duck on the floor)
(the birds scamper)
Santa:
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. (gulps
down the coffee) This coffee is terrible.
All:
Yeah. I know. Yech. (etc.)
(the miniature Christmas tree withers)
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
Scene
3: Central Perk
(Phoebe
singing)
Phoebe:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly… Fa la la la la
la, la la la la…
All
but Phoebe: ‘Tis the season to be jolly…
Phoebe:
(loudly and passionately) Fa la la
la la la,
la la la la…
Ross
and Joey: Don we now our gay apparel…
(
Phoebe:
(loudly and passionately) Fa la la,
la la la, la la la la
la…
Rachel,
Phoebe:
(on her knees, loudly and passionately, head banging) Fa
la la la la la, la la
la la…
(time lapse)
Phoebe:
(singing) Silent night… Holy night… All is calm… All is bright… Round yon
Virgin, Mother and Child… Holy Infant so tender and mild… Sleep in Heavenly
Peace… Sleep in Heavenly Peace…
(the entire café is asleep, including Gunther, whose head is
on the counter, and he is holding a mug of coffee bearing the message “Merry
Christmas” with a pitcher of Decaf nearby)
(time lapse)
Rachel:
(singing, holding Emma, who babbles beside her) The
first Noël, the angels did say, was to certain poor shepherds in fields where
they lay… In fields where they, lay keeping their sheep, on a cold winter’s
night that was so deep… Noël, Noël… Noël, (peaking) Noël… (decrescendoing) Born is the King of
Emma:
Gaga googa. (giggles)
(time lapse)
Monica: (singing, gospel choir style, complete with
motions) “Hark!” the herald angels sing, “Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth, and mercy mild, God and
sinners reconciled,” Joyful, all ye nations, rise… Join the triumph of the
skies; With th’ angelic host
proclaim, “Christ is born in
(she sits down)
Ross: (turns to her) Wonderful, for someone Jewish.
Monica: This coming from someone who forgot how many candles go on the menorah.
(time lapse)
Ross,
field and fountain, moor and mountain, following yonder Star… O-o, star
of wonder, star of might, star with royal beauty bright… Westward leading,
still proceeding, guide us to the perfect light…
(COMMERCIAL
BREAK)
(ENDING
CREDITS)
Scene
4: Central Perk
(
(Phoebe
starts playing)
Monica:
(with adoration) Wow.
Ross:
(aside to Rachel) He never sang that
well in our band.
(Gunther
joins in)
(END)
A/N:
Hmm, that was fun. I’m glad I was able
to add stuff to it. I didn’t plan on the
extra parts, but I think they’re a nice touch.
Anyway, Merry Christmas. I’ll have other stuff on the way for you
wonderful, incredible readers.
In
the works:
The
One After Five Years: My current project. Another New Friends piece. This is at the five-year anniversary party of
Christopher and Halley VanDrey. Not much
plot, but it will be a lot of fun.
The
One With the Graduation: A possible sixth part to the High School Days
series. May not have
any humor. I’m still not sure
what it is. You’ll just have to wait and
see.
The One With the Sweet Dreams/The One With the Auras: Have been in works forever, and I’ll get to them eventually.
And
that’s about it. And here’s a new
section, which is called “Steal Me.”
These are ideas that I can or will not do. They’re the kind of story where I have no
inspiration (and feel I never will) or don’t want to have inspiration
with. Without further
adieu…
“Steal
Me!”
Note:
Steal these stories. Change whatever you
want. Take complete credit, and feel
free not to mention me. Thank you.
Ye
One With the Natural Philosophre: A medieval Friends fic. A natural philosopher is a scientist, who
Ross is. In this story, Rachel’s parents
are the king and queen. The Gellers are
barons. Joey is an Italian jester. Phoebe is French lute player.
[Untitled] Friends meets Gattaca. Take it away from me now. It disgusts me.
^_^ - …and Gunther with a cup of coffee. (sip) Yuck!
c(~) <-- Punctu-drawn coffee mug.
[+.+] – Ba.
o
_/|_
^_^ - Marry Christmas, Tike.