VI½. The One That Doesn’t Count

by Creedog VanDrey

 

Category: Friends

Genre: General, Humor

Rating: PG

Language: English

Summery: Season 8: Godeerc comes back with a confession: it’s really not the last time.  The gang asks for glimpses.

 

A/N: Okay, I still haven’t been inspired for the very last Godeerc the Mystic fic, so I’m giving you a freebie.  This just a regular Glimpsing fic, nothing special.  I’ll try for a longer one than usual, but probably not a two-parter.

 

Scene 1: Monica’s Apartment

(the gang is there, watching TV; Monica is in the kitchen)

 

(the doorbell rings)

 

Monica: I wonder who that is. (as she walks) You ever notice every time we ask that, we’re in for some kind of amusing trouble.

 

Joey: Oh yeah. 

 

(she opens the door; it’s Sonriso)

 

(^_^ - Hey!)

 

(A/N: Just kidding, it’s Godeerc)

 

Monica: (surprised and frantic) Godeerc!  Oh, my gosh!  I didn’t know it’d be so soon.  I’ve been working on my last glimpse request and…

 

Joey: Me too!  I’ve got lots of ideas and I haven’t been able to…

 

Godeerc: Whoa.  Yeah, we need to talk.

 

Rachel: (a bit jumpy) What…?  Something wrong?

 

Godeerc: I’ve been visiting with the Powers-That-Be, and it turns out, we’ve kind of made a mistake.

 

Monica: (closing the door as he walks in) What?

 

Godeerc: Well, my contract says that I’m supposed to give you all glimpses when I visit.  Unfortunately, I haven’t given you all one every time.  So, I have to make up for it.  You guys get a free round on the house.

Chandler: So, you have a contract?

 

Godeerc: Yeah.  This is actually a job.  I got assigned to you guys.  Really odd recruitment, and I don’t know what parts I’m allowed to tell you and which parts I’m not, so I won’t go into it.

 

Phoebe: Did you have to sign a contract in blood?

 

Godeerc: I did.  They have a pen that pricks you in the side of the ring finger when you hold it.  For a mystical device, it’s very ergonomic.

 

Joey: Huh?  I thought… (Phoebe whispers in his ear) Oh, there are just too many word in the English language. 

 

Godeerc: What did you mix it up…?  Oh…

 

(OPENING CREDITS)

 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

Rachel: Free glimpses?  I like free stuff.

 

Godeerc: Me too.  You’d be surprised how much free stuff you can get off the Internet.

 

Ross and Chandler: (contentedly) Yeah…

 

Ross: I have a question before we start.  Are these glimpses accurate?

 

Rachel: Always a critic.

 

Godeerc: It’s actually a fair question.  They’re logical, but not necessarily perfectly accurate.  

 

Monica: Whoa, so all this stuff couldn’t happen?

 

Godeerc: Anything can happen.

 

Ross: Well…

 

Godeerc: Don’t even.  But let me explain.  There’s the one real universe, right?

 

Gang: Yeah.  Uh-huh.

 

Godeerc: Now, that leaves room for like an infinite amount of hypothetical and fictional ones, right?

 

Gang: Sure.  I guess.  Whatever.  Why not?

 

Godeerc: Well, when I do glimpses, I have to bring an entire hypothetical universe into almost reality, right?

 

Gang: Uh… Whatever you say.  Uh…  Huh?

 

Godeerc: Well, I do.  Now, doing anything near creating a universe is a deity thing.  I’m not a deity.  So, I’m very limited in what I can create.  Basically, I have to create a miniature version of the universe to predict the consequences of changed actions.  Now, I work in a closed system.  I pretty much limit the size of the universe to what’s visible by anyone on Earth, so basically all that the Hubble telescope can see is the size of my universe.

 

All but Ross: Whoa, that’s huge… Wow.

 

Ross: That’s extremely small.  You have no idea what differences can be changed by the gravitation forces of other faraway planets, stars, and comets.  It can change the course of atoms, and the results are just staggering.

 

Godeerc: I know, but I’m only allowed to tap into so much metaphysics and chaos theory.  Not to mention that I usually make most of the planet drones.

 

Chandler: Bees?

 

Godeerc: Oblivous.  A drone is someone who will go on with their life in the way they were meant to no matter how much the universe is changed.  In real time glimpses, which you watch, everyone’s a drone until they encounter me or someone who been encountered by me.  They actually respond to the change in fate.  When I jump to the future, I fast-forward time using only two degrees of separation above those people the six of you meet. 

 

Ross: Interesting.

 

Godeerc: I know.  Since completing the system of parameter interaction, all six theorized degrees of separation, would pretty much be everybody, I have to limit it a bit.  Bear in mind that these changes are affected by these errors.  However, shorter time periods do less change.  The things I show you are probably the most likely results.  You can expect that outcome or a very similar version in almost all cases.

 

Joey: Uh…

 

Godeerc: That’s what I thought.  So, who wants to go first?

 

Joey: Not me.  I’ve got to go get my list to make a decision.

 

Monica: Me too.  But mine’s just in my room.  I go before Joey.

 

Joey: Hey!

 

Chandler: Dude, I saw your list.  It has like twenty different ideas on it.

 

Joey: Yeah.

 

Chandler: Monica has three.

 

Joey: Oh.

 

Monica: You saw my list?!

 

Chandler: Yeah, you left it on the dresser.  I didn’t read it.  Why shouldn’t I have read it?

 

Monica: (quickly) No reason.

 

Phoebe: Oh, Ross, just go first again.

 

Ross: Why me?

 

Phoebe: Because you always fun to build off of. 

 

Ross: Okay, whatever.  Here’s one.  I wished Carol had never left me.

 

Godeerc: Not switch lanes?  That’d be hard.  Would you settle for switch lanes earlier?

 

Ross: Hmm, yeah, anything that saves me heartache.

 

Godeerc: Okeeday.

 

Scene 2: NYU Halls, 1988

(Ross and Chandler, Miami Vice-style, walking around to classes)

 

(Carol is walking their way)

 

(Godeerc, college-aged, intercepts)

 

Godeerc: Carol Willick?

 

Carol: Why yes?  Do you need something?

 

Godeerc: Yes, you’ve been selected by the FIST.

 

Carol: What’s that?  A radical ROTC club?

 

Godeerc: (laughs) No, the Freshman Initiation by Students and Teachers.

 

Carol: Oh yeah, they were so helpful.

 

Godeerc: Well, they want you to do it next year.

 

Carol: I’d love to, but don’t I need to be trained?

 

Godeerc: Yes.  We have a Miss Susan Bunch who’s going to fill you in about how to do it.  Can you meet her today at the student club?  You get a free lunch.

 

Carol: Well, sure.

 

Godeerc: Great, I think you’re really going to like Susan.

 

 

Scene 3: Monica’s Apartment

(they de-trance)

 

Joey: Whoa, I think I’m getting used to that. (he sways a bit, then tries to catch shadows in front of his eyes)

 

Godeerc: Yeah, just about.

 

Ross: So…?

 

Godeerc: Um… okay…

 

(abruptly into a trance)

 

 

Scene 4: Wedding Hall, 1990

(Ross and a dark-haired lady at the altar)

 

Minister: Do you, Ross, take Julie, to be your lawfully wedded wife?

 

Ross: I do.

 

 

Scene 5: A Hospital, 1991

(Ross with Julie in labor)

Doctor: Here it comes! (there is crying) It’s a boy.

 

 

Scene 6: Central Perk, 1994

(Ross talking to Rachel alone)

 

Rachel: Ross, I’m in love with you.

 

 

Scene 7: Ross and Julie’s Apartment, 1994

(Julie yelling at Ross)

 

Julie: I see how you look at her.  You don’t love me anymore.

 

Ross: Julie… I do to.  Yes, she’s the girl I’ve had a crush on in high school, but I love you.

 

Julie: You want her.

 

 

Scene 8: Monica’s Apartment, Present

(they de-trance)

 

Chandler: Holy condensed digest, Batman!

 

Ross: Whoa, that was a rush.  So, I married Julie, had a baby with her, and then divorced her for Rachel?

 

Joey: Duh.  Were you asleep during the trances?  Can you be asleep? (thinks)

 

Godeerc: Well, you didn’t divorce her for Rachel.  Julie found out about Rachel’s feelings for you and didn’t trust you not to give in to them.

 

Ross: Oh, my gosh.  Then what happened?

 

Godeerc: Rachel was devastated by what she did.  She moved back in with her parents.  You and Julie divorced.

 

Rachel: Uh!  No little baby? (rubs her stomach)

 

Godeerc: Well, eventually yes.  Not Ross’s, just some guy your married.

 

Chandler: Yeah, just some guy she married.

 

Phoebe: Put them together!

 

Godeerc: Is that what you want?

 

Phoebe: Wait, no.  I don’t want my dad to leave us.

 

Ross: That’s not related to mine.

 

Phoebe: Who said it had to?

 

(they all think about that)

 

Godeerc: Anyway…

 

 

Scene 9: Outside the Buffay Home, 1983

(Frank Buffay leaving the house)

 

Frank: (to house) Sorry, Lilly.  Sorry, Phoebe.  Sorry, Ursula. (puts on his hat)

 

Amber: (walking on sidewalk in front of Buffay home; holding a baby) Hey, little Caroline.  What do you want to do today?  Go shopping?  Really?  I was thinking that, too!  You’re beautiful, aren’t you?  Aren’t you?  Yes, you are… (A/N: You get the idea.)

(to Frank) Good day, sir.

 

Frank: Yeah.

 

Amber: Going somewhere?

 

Frank: Just a walk.  Well, I was. (goes back inside)

 

(Godeerc walks up behind Amber)

Godeerc: Way to go.

 

Amber: Sure.  Plus, the whole time travel thing’s a lot of fun!  Is it true that you could make me any age?  And could I go to my house and see me?  

 

Godeerc: Yes, I can.  And I guess for the second one.  You’d be around thirteen.

 

Amber: Ooh, (to Caroline) that’s before I’d even met Daddy.  Is that crazy?

 

Caroline: Gaga.

 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

Scene 10: Monica’s Apartment, Present

(the de-trance, of course)

 

Phoebe: (immediately) What happened?  What happened?  What happened?

 

Godeerc: Your dad stayed.  He did divorce your mom later on.  She lived on for a while.  You went to high school and college, and got your MBA.  You work for Merrill Lynch.

 

Phoebe: I knew it!  Do I have sore hands?

 

Godeerc: (rolls his eyes) Yes.

 

Phoebe: Yay!  Who?

 

Godeerc: David.

 

(A/N: Yeah, I’m sorry, J&P fans.  It just didn’t seem logical for business-savvy Pheebs to marry aspiring actor Joey Tribianni.)

 

Phoebe: David?  That’s awesome!  Wait, do I live in Russia? (smiles and frowns repeated while thinking about it)

 

Godeerc: No.  David didn’t have to go to Russia.  He went to work on other projects when you married.  You’re both very happy here in the Village.  Though you did visit it once.

 

Phoebe: Cool.

 

Godeerc: It was kind of during that whole USSR overthrow, but you did enjoy it for some odd reason.  Oh, your mom died.

 

Phoebe: What?!  Can I not escape that?

 

Godeerc: She lived on to see your wedding.  She died peacefully in her sleep after a long struggle with breast cancer.

 

Phoebe: And Frank, Jr.?  Did I have his kids?

 

Godeerc: Well, there is a Frank, Jr.  But since your dad stayed a few years longer, he only fourteen now.  Not married.

 

Phoebe: Hmm.  What about the rest of these guys?

 

Godeerc: Um, you didn’t change them much.

 

Phoebe: Whoo, that’s good.  Wait!  Did I ever meet them?

 

Godeerc: At Central Perk every once in a while.

 

Joey and Phoebe: Nuh-uh!

 

Monica: Yeah!  We’re not friends with Pheebs?  Who was my roommate?

 

Godeerc: Uh, Jessica.

 

Joey: The hot waitress?

 

Jessica: (entering from the guest room) Yep.

 

Joey: How you doin’?

 

Jessica: The same way I was every time you asked me that.

 

Joey: I hardly ever ask you that. (Chandler gives him a look) Well, not that much.

 

Jessica: Well, since I lived here, you did.  A lot.

 

Joey: Did it ever work?

 

Jessica: We went on one date just to get you off my back.  Then once more, because I’m a nice person and you “needed” a date to a party.

 

Joey: Yeah, Baby.

 

(Jessica rolls her eyes)

 

Rachel: You gotta get us all back together.

 

Phoebe: Oh, that is so sweet.  I’m naming my first daughter after you.

 

Rachel: Thank you.

 

Godeerc: (Aside to Ross, Monica, Joey, and Chandler) She has three boys. (Aloud) And here we go…

 

 

Scene 11: Central Perk, 1992

(Monica, Chandler, Kip, Julie, and Ross chatting on the couch, Jessica waitressing)

 

Jessica: Mon, you have to find a better guy.  This Patrick guys sounds like a creep.

 

Monica: You’re probably right. (rolls her eyes and gets comfort from the guys)

 

(Phoebe enters)

 

Phoebe: Yes, I’d like a regular coffee.  Whatever the hell you call the biggest one.

 

Jessica: Think about it, Mon. (turns to get Phoebe’s coffee)

 

Phoebe: (cell phone rings) Yeah… uh-huh… sure… no… No.  No!  Yeah…

 

Chandler: You know after six years of college, you’d expect more than monotonous, one-syllable responses.

 

Phoebe: (overhearing) And may I ask what you do, good sir?

 

Chandler: (British accent) Well, milady, though I am not involved with economics as yourself, I do participate in…

 

Phoebe: Oh, get on with it.  British people can be so long-winded.

 

Chandler: I’m not British.

 

Phoebe: What’s with the accent, then?

 

Chandler: It’s called being funny.  Do they have humor where you come from?

 

Phoebe: Oh… (giggles, then straightens her face) Funny.

 

Jessica: Your coffee, miss.

 

Phoebe: Thank you. (opens a pack of sugar, then another, then another…) By the way, do you have any newspapers?

 

Jessica: No, but there’s a stand across the street.

 

Phoebe: Okay. (looks over) Nope, can’t yell that loud.  Also I’d have to break that window to throw the money across to that guy, who as I look at him, looks too shrimpy to get the paper back to me.

 

Jessica: Or you could walk over there.

 

Phoebe: Well, sorry for thinking outside the box.  First thing I learned at my MBA seminar.  Well, the second.  The first was “Don’t hit on the professor.”

 

Chandler: Which box?  “Common Sense” or “Sanity?”

 

Phoebe: Okay, that wasn’t funny.

 

Chandler: Yeah, insults never tend to be.

 

Phoebe: What is with your incessant bantering?

 

Monica: I don’t know.  We’ve been asking that one for years.

 

(they all laugh)

 

Monica: (extends her hand) Monica Geller.

 

Phoebe: Phoebe Buffay, but you may called me Regina Filangie if you like.  All my ex-boyfriends do, because I tell them that so they can never look me up.

 

Joey: How you doin’?

 

Phoebe: (extends her hand) Well.  I’m Regina Filangie. (to Monica) So, what do you do?

 

Monica: I’m a chef.

 

Phoebe: Where do you cook?

 

Chandler: Usually in the kitchen.

 

(Monica rolls her eyes)

 

(Phoebe gets up to leave)

 

Monica: Uh, didn’t you want to know where I work?

 

Phoebe: The kitchen.  Where Banter-Man over there said.

 

Ross: Hey, that’s the same name Chandler had in college.  What a coincidence.

 

Phoebe: Well, it was nice to meet you all, but I have a very important meeting. (flees)

 

Jessica: (returns with an enormous cup of coffee) Where’d she go?

 

(Phoebe takes a newspaper and gives the man a dollar bill; he looks wide-eyed at it stuffs it in his pocket when no one is looking)

 

 

Scene 12: Monica’s Apartment

(they de-trance)

 

Joey: Just one question, where was I?  And who was that funny looking guy with you guys?

 

Godeerc: You were in Queens because it’s still 1992.  That “funny-looking guy” was Kip. 

 

Joey: (to Monica) You dated him?

 

Monica: I also dated Patrick.

 

(Ross and Chandler cringe)

 

Rachel: So, I just made a request to be friends with Pheebs, but I wasn’t even there?

 

Godeerc: Yeah.  Who’s next? (Rachel is appalled)

 

Joey: I was wondering what it’d be like to have Monica’s apartment.

 

Chandler: Dude, you know.

 

Joey: To own it.

 

Monica: Kind of hard.  This apartment belonged to my grandmother.  You’d have to get back before that. (to Godeerc) Don’t you!

 

Joey: Okay, okay. (thinks) In eleventh grade, what if I had decided to go on that trip to Italy?

 

The gang: What?

 

Joey: In eleventh grade, my high school class opted to go to tour Italy.  I decided not to go.  Just curious.

 

Rachel: What kind of profound effect is that going to have on his life?

 

 

Scene 13: Monica’s Apartment, 1995

(Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Jessica on the couch; Ross, Chandler, and Kip in the kitchen)

 

Rachel: Girls, look what I’ve got. (holds up a video)

 

Monica: L'Alleanza Dei Fratelli!

 

Phoebe: You rock, Rachel.

 

Rachel: I know.

 

Jessica: Well, what are you waiting for?  Put it in.

 

The guys: (whining) No!

 

Chandler: Girls, we’ve seen that movie like twenty times.

 

Ross: Twenty?  Thirty-nine.

 

Kip: You count?

 

(^_^ - Holy cameos, Batman!  He speaks!)

 

Ross: Yeah, I count the times Rachel calls me “Lorenzo” at night.

 

Rachel: (smiles) Wouldn’t you rather I not mistake you for him?

 

Ross: (quickly) No, mistake me all you want.  I will be “Lorenzo” any night you want.

 

(Chandler gives him a “You dork” look; Kip cracks an imaginary whip)

 

(Ross replies with a “Do you blame me?” look which a subtle head tilt toward Rachel)

 

(Kip and Chandler look over to the mesmerized Rachel and give him back “You’re right” looks)

 

(we see the screen)

 

Jessica: (squeals) He’s about to enter!

 

(silence)

 

(the scene is mountainous landscape)

 

(Joey enters on screen, with a mustache and 1800s rural Italian clothing)

 

Joey: (stilted Italian) Marcario!  Venuto qui.  Sguardo.

 

(the screen abruptly jumps to a picture of a dead snake and a dead wolf, and abruptly jumps back to Joey)

 

Italian Voice: Lorenzo, un serpente guasto e un lupo guasto. Ciò è la più sospettosa. (there’s something familiar about that voice…)

 

(the screen turns toward the source of the voice)

 

(^_^ - Ah!!!  It’s Paolo!)

 

(indeed, it’s Paolo, costarring in this scene with Joey)

 

(the screen returns to Joey)

 

Monica: Ah, Lorenzo.

 

Rachel: Marry me.

 

(Ross huffs)

 

(Rachel looks back contemptuous)

 

Ross: It is (bad Italian accent) Lorenzo’s job to propose, my beautiful Racquel.

 

Rachel: (smiles) Racquel?  I love it when you call me that.

 

(Chandler and Kip send him “You dork” looks)

 

(Ross replies with another “Can you blame me?” and another head tilt toward Rachel)

 

(they look back at him with the same look)

 

(Ross becomes dejected and lowers his head, but sees Rachel, and looks contented)

 

 

Scene 14: Monica’s Apartment, Present

(they de-trance)

 

Joey: (wearing designer Italian clothes) I’m a movie star.  Yes! (jumps up and does an almost-Chandler dance)

 

(he catches himself and sits down)

 

Monica: And we were all in love with Joey?

 

Jessica: Oh, totally obsessed with him.

 

Joey: Yeah. (looks her up and down)

 

Jessica: Okay, before you “How you doin’?” me, part of the reason we were crazy about you is because you were a movie star.

 

Monica: Why are you still here?

 

Jessica: I live here.

 

Rachel: This is our glimpse.  Get your own.

 

Jessica: I get all I want.  In exchange, I’ve started working with Godeerc.  Why do you think I get the mental messages that tell me what happen?

 

Rachel: And where do I live in this world?

 

Godeerc: Well, you live with Ross now.  In this line of history anyway.

 

Rachel: Oh. (feels her stomach) I’m not pregnant!

 

Godeerc: No, your baby girl’s in Monica and Chandler’s room.

 

Chandler: Really our room?  Or just in the normal line of history… Um.

 

Godeerc: (manner-of-fact) You still fall in love and marry Monica.  Completely different story; not a bit more normal.

 

Chandler: Whoo-hoo. (gets up and does the Chandler dance)

 

Godeerc: Anyway, to make a long story short… (inhales, but thinks) …or, even better…

 

(abrupt glimpse)

 

 

Scene 15: Monica’s Apartment, 1992

(Monica watching Joey’s movie)

 

Kip: (thinking) She’s pretty, but a little shallow.  Maybe I shouldn’t ask her out.

 

 

Scene 16: Monica and Rachel’s Apartment, 1994

(Ross and Rachel arguing)

 

Rachel: (crying) She’s leaving you?  Because of me?

 

Ross: No, it’s because of me.  I love her, but I’ve let old feelings get in my way of showing it.  I’m not a good husband.

 

Rachel: I don’t believe that. (kisses him)

 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

Scene 17: The Copier Place, 1995

(Kip flirts with Chloe)

 

Chloe: Okay, next Friday night.

 

 

Scene 17: A Wedding Hall, 1998

(Ross and Rachel at the altar)

 

Rachel: I do.

 

(Best Man Chandler and Maid of Honor Monica look at each other, then divert their eyes and try to hold back smiles)

 

 

Scene 18: A Hospital Room, 2000

(Rachel in labor)

 

Ross: It’s a girl!

 

 

Scene 19: Monica’s Apartment, Present

(they de-trance)

 

Joey: Wow, those speedy flashbacks are crazy. (he sways and falls off the couch)

 

Phoebe: Okay, I don’t know about you guys, but I need a recap.

 

Godeerc: (points to Phoebe) Married to David, work at Merrill Lynch.  (points to Ross) divorced from Julie, with your son, married to Rachel, with your daughter.  Work at NYU.  (to Chandler) Married to Monica, no kids yet, but trying, you data process. (to Monica) Married to Chandler, blah, blah, blah, work at Allesandro’s. (points to Joey) Italian movie star.

 

Joey: Yeah.

 

Godeerc: (to Jessica, teasing) Waitress.  Not married.

 

Jessica: Sounds familiar. (sneers, then realizes something) But I’m dating… (doesn’t finish this, but looks to Godeerc)

 

Godeerc: (his eyes widen after realizing) Oh!  Anyway… (shoots Jessica a bemused look) Rachel lives at Ross’s; I mean, you share the apartment, but you know, there. (points out the window) Chandler and Jessica here with Mon.  Kip over there with Chloe.

 

Monica: What?

 

Rachel: What?

 

Ross: What?

 

Jessica: (like a high-efficiency secretary) Monica, you never dated him.  Ross, you never cheated on Rachel with him.  He’s currently down at Central Perk via an enigmatic note he think Chloe wrote him, but it wasn’t her. (gives a purposely guilty look) By the way, that’s what I do: I arrange for people whose lives have changed to not to find themselves in the wrong world. (smiles)

 

Godeerc: (continuing) Phoebe at a nice apartment. (she giggles) And Joey you live in Sicily.

 

Joey: In Palermo, a coastal city in Sicily, with a direct path to Naples, Rome, and Florence.

 

Chandler: How’d you know that?

 

Joey: (pulls a postcard out of his shirt pocket) That’s what it says on this postcard, which also states that this cliff is where the humble abode of yours truly resides.  Plus, I can do this: Sono un attore di cinema famosa che parla italiano fluente e vive en un grande mansion con… una amica.

 

Rachel: That is so awesome. (dreamy look)

 

Ross: Hello?

 

Rachel: Sorry.  We’re not really married, you know.

 

Ross: All right.  Tell that to the baby girl in Mon’s room.

 

(Rachel’s face and the rest of her body softens as she thinks about this)

 

Monica: It’s not fair that you guys already had a baby.  I want one, too!

 

Godeerc: Okay…

 

Chandler: Hold it…

 

 

Scene 20: Chandler’s Apartment, 1998

(Chandler lighting candles in a darkened room)

 

(a knock at the door)

 

Chandler: (puts his ear against it) Monica?  Is that you?

 

Greg: No, it’s Greg.  Pizza delivery.

 

Chandler: Kip, you just had to find out about us, didn’t you?  Well, I’ll show you. (opens the door, and pulls out money) Here.

 

Greg: (who looks like a college-aged Godeerc) Thanks, and by the way, we don’t usually do this. (hands him a small, unlabeled box)

 

Chandler: (looks at the box) Uh, sorry this was a prank by my roommate.  But, thanks.  My girlfriend is coming over soon.

 

Greg: Yeah.  Really needed to know that, buddy.  See ya. (leaves)

 

Monica: (opens her door; whispers) Chandler?

 

Chandler: Yeah, c’mon over.

 

Monica: (smiles) Hi. (they kiss) Jessica’s out.

 

Chandler: So’s Kip.

 

Monica: (sees the box in his hand) A little eager there?

 

Chandler: Pizza guy brought it.  Prank by Kip.

 

Monica: Well, for a prank, it’s pretty useful. (she kisses him again)

 

 

Scene 21: Chandler’s Apartment, 1999 (a month later)

(Chandler and Monica talking)

 

Monica: Chandler, I’m pregnant.

 

Chandler: Uh…

 

 

Scene 22: Monica’s Apartment, Present

(they de-trance)

 

Monica: Baby?

 

Godeerc: It’s a toddler now.  Same age as Rachel’s baby.

 

Monica: Boy or girl?

Godeerc: Boy, Michael.

 

Monica: Michael, that’s wonderful.  How did it happen?

 

Godeerc: The 98% effective thing. (Ross and Rachel roll their eyes) Only they weren’t that high quality.  I think “compromised” is the correct term.

 

Chandler: Whoa, how’d I react to having a baby, ‘cause I’m a bit jumpy now, and I’ve been doing mental exercises for the last few months.

 

Godeerc: You ran away.

 

Chandler: Oh no.  I’m sorry, Monica.

 

Monica: Fix this.

 

Jessica: You already had your glimpse.

 

Monica: (bellicose) Oh, come over here, girl.

 

Chandler: Mon, I got it. (to Godeerc, which attempted confidence) Fix this.

 

 

Scene 23: Monica’s Apartment, 1999

(Monica crying to the gang minus Chandler)

 

Monica: I haven’t seen him all day.

 

Ross: I’m sorry, Mon.  I’m a bit perplexed.  I mean, one moment, there are my best friend Chandler and my little sister Monica, but now, it’s… now.

 

Rachel: Monica, don’t worry.  You’ll find Chandler.  I mean, he just is a little bit freaked out.  That just the way some guys are.

 

(Ross looks offended)

 

Rachel: Ross, some guys.  Not you.  Goodness, not you.  What’s our first child’s name?

 

Ross: Isabella or David.  All up to negotiation of course.

 

Phoebe: Wait, what’s the one place where he thinks we’d never look?

 

 

Scene 24: Chandler’s Office, 1999

(Chandler looking into space, terrified)

 

Phoebe: (runs in) What do you know?

 

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs.

 

Phoebe: Now, listen.  I know you’re scared.  You have to calm down.

 

Chandler: My secret girlfriend is pregnant!

 

Phoebe: That’s not calmed down!

 

Chandler: Phoebe, what am I going to do?

 

Ross: (enters) Pheebs, you were right.

 

(Phoebe gives him a “duh” look)

 

Ross: Chandler, I’ll tell you what you’re going to do.  You’re going back to my sister’s apartment.  You’re going to talk with her.  And you’re going to be a father.

 

Chandler: I’m not ready to be a father.

 

Ross: Dude, few guys think they’re ready.  I didn’t think I was ready with Ian.

 

(A/N: I may have lost you.  Since Ross’s glimpse has only been changed by Rachel not leaving and instead getting together with Ross, Ross and Julie still have a baby, which I’ve named Ian.  There is no Ben.)

 

Chandler: I’m Chandler.

 

Kip: (comes in) Man, you say that as if it were a bad thing.

 

Chandler: Well, Chandler’s not a good father.

 

Kip: Says who?

 

Chandler: (frantic hand motions) The guy talking in the third person named Chandler.

 

Monica: Chandler! (comes in)

 

Chandler: Monica.  I’m sorry.

 

Monica: You ran out.

 

Chandler: I was scared.

 

(A/N: I will not go on with this scene; you know what happens.  They work it out.)

 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

(ENDING CREDITS)

 

Godeerc: Well, I’ll see you guys.

Rachel: (holding a baby, who Ross is playing with) See you.  Thanks.

 

Ross: Bye.

 

Monica: Yeah, bye. (rubbing her pregnant stomach)

 

Chandler: (wide-eyed at Monica’s stomach, distractedly) Bye.

 

Phoebe: Come back soon. (she gets up and chases a toddler boy across the room)  Lorenzo, come back here!  Joseph!

 

Joey: Sì?

Phoebe: (perfectly) Non voi.  Il mio figlio piccolo, Joseph.  This is what I get for naming them after my friends.

 

Joey: Spiacente. (comes out with a young boy)

 

Phoebe: Gracie.

 

Joey: Era niente.  Inoltre…

 

(the door closes behind Godeerc)

 

(Rachel is again pregnant)

 

(Monica is not)

 

(Chandler is relieved)

 

(Phoebe stops running around)

 

Joey: …uh… Man, I forgot it all!

 

(Kip walks in)

 

Kip: Hey, Ross, can I…?

 

Monica: Kip…

 

Kip: Monica… Uh.

 

(Jessica enters)

Jessica: Sorry. (grabs Kip and pulls him out)

 

Phoebe: Well, Monica, you probably will want us to go now.

 

Monica: Why would I want you to go?

 

Phoebe: Your stomach.

 

Monica: What about my stomach?

 

Phoebe: Look at it.

 

Monica: (sees she’s not pregnant) I’m not pregnant.  I want a baby. (looks at Chandler)

 

Ross: And here we go.

 

(exeunt minus Chandler and Monica)

 

(END)

 

 

A/N: Okay, finished!  I’ve been working on this one forever.  Anyway, ideas for the last one are starting to form.  I think I’ll finish the High School Days series first.  Creedog is really helping me out.  He’s given a bunch of ideas, so I guess I need to sort them out in while writing it.  I’ve found that things won’t come out really great if I plan them.  I must have all the ideas and let them swirl around.  I’ve read Peter Elbow’s Writing with Power, and I think one of his methods is that.  It’s called the Dangerous Method or something.  I’ve got the book, so I’ll look it up.

 

In the works?

 

The High School Days Series, Part 5: (cowriting this with Godeerc) The One With the School Dance: I don’t want to give it all away, but it’s pretty self-explanatory.  There’s a bunch of random ideas that are working themselves into it, so it’s gonna be really funny.  I hope.

 

VII. The One With the Final Glimpse: Profound new ideas are striking me.  I think it’s going to be rather dramatic.  It’s going to be a total surprise, so I won’t tell you anything about it.  However, if you have any ideas for Godeerc the Mystic fics, let me have them.  I might have some; I just haven’t had time to look.  Anyway, if inspiration strikes you, (^_^ - First call the police.) leave it in a Godeerc the Mystic fic review. 

 

Musical Friends: Godeerc and I are toying with this idea.  The entire season in song.  I guess this is what I get from watching “Once More, With Feeling.” (Buffy thing, sorry)

 

Godeerc’s Works:

 

The One After Five Years: Christopher and Halley’s five year anniversary.  You will meet a lot of new characters.  Read High School Days and the New Friends Trilogy first. 

 

There’s some other stuff, but it won’t be in the works until I get the above chugged out.

 

 

^_^ - I wish I for a girlfriend.  Wait, that doesn’t count!  I want a million dollars!  That doesn’t count either!  Hehehe.  I wonder how the Romans dealt with the whole decimal thing.  They could exactly put a point five as a “.V”, could they?  Hmmm.  This is the result of thinking too much.