The Mystic in the Hellmouth

by Godeerc VanDrey

 

Category: Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

Genre: General, Fantasy

Rating: PG

Language: English

Summary: Season 3.  Godeerc the Mystic (from my Friends stories) tries to resolve the breakup between Angel and Buffy during their breakup scene.  Chaos ensues.  (What else?)

 

A/N: Okay, this will be my second Buffy fic.  I’ve done a lot of Friends fics in the past and I want to break out.  Lately, I’ve become quite a Buffy fan (This is such an understatement; I periodically “slay” inanimate objects with pencils pretending they’re vampires), and I want to show it.  Now, I must warn you that this will not be one of my best fics, since I am just starting out after a long break, and am trotting on new territory.  Anyway, thanks for reading.  And watch out for punctusmileys.  Sonriso didn’t get into my last fic.

 

 

The Mystic in the Hellmouth

 

Scene 1: The Sewers

(Buffy, followed by Angel, in the sewers chasing after a vampire)

 

Buffy: You need clothes.  You don’t have a tux, do you?

 

Angel: Since when did patrolling go black tie?

 

Buffy: For the prom, silly.

 

Angel: We have more important things to think about right now than a dance, Buffy.

 

Buffy: (rolls her eyes) Sorry, Giles.

 

Angel: C’mon, don’t be that way.

 

(the vampire appears)

 

Buffy: Not now. (stakes him thoughtlessly) I’m not being that way.  Every time I mention something about the prom, you get grouchy.

 

Angel: I’m sorry.  I’m just worried you’ll get too invested in this whole thing.

 

Buffy: What whole thing? (agitated) Isn’t this the stuff I’m supposed to get invested in?  Going to the formal… graduating… growing up…?

 

(A/N: By the way, if you didn’t recognize it, it’s the Buffy-Angel Break-up Scene)

 

Angel: I know… (walks away)

 

Buffy: (catching up) Then what’s… what’s with the dire?

 

Angel: (nervous) It’s uh… it’s nothing.

 

Buffy: No, you have an “it’s something” face.

 

Angel: I think we need to talk.  But not now, not here.

 

Buffy: No, if you have something to say, then say it.  Angel, drop the cryptic.  You’re scaring me.

 

Angel: (walking towards her) I’ve been thinking… about our future… and the more I do… the more I feel like us… you and me being together is unfair to you…

 

Buffy: Is this about what the Mayor said?  Because he was just trying to shake us up.

 

Angel: He was right.

 

Buffy: No, no he not.  He’s the bad guy.

 

Angel: (walks away, shaking his head, then turns around and faces Buffy) You deserve more.  You deserve something outside the demons and darkness.  I mean, you should be with someone who can take you into the light.  Someone who could…

 

A male voice: Oh, could this be any more long-winded?

 

(Buffy and Angel turn and poise for the attack)

 

(a humanoid figure wearing a blue robe turns the corner)

 

The figure: You know, Angel, I know you’re a 270-year-old vampire and what not, but what’s with the scenery? (looks around) Okay, Slayer girl, put the stake down.  Do I look like a vampire?

 

Angel: So maybe your game face isn’t on.

 

Godeerc: (the figure) I don’t have one. (thinks) Actually I kind of do.  My hair and my eyes will turn this funny color.  It’s really crazy. (smiles)

 

(Buffy and Angel don’t)

 

Godeerc: (mock sadness) Sorry, I am so ruining the mood?  But, Angel, what the heck are you doing?

 

Angel: I planning my attack on you.

 

Godeerc: Good luck.  I’d like to see you come within three feet. (Angel lunges, and hits an invisible force field around Godeerc)  (mock self-criticism) Okay, I’m sorry.  I’m supposed to warn people.

 

Buffy: (through her clenched teeth) What do you want?

 

Godeerc: Wow, I’m glad my sarcasm has limits, ‘cause I know a really good comment for you that most people wouldn’t hold out on.

 

Buffy: I am the Slayer.

 

Godeerc: Okay, that is so… so… so duh.  Yeah, it’s great fun, isn’t it?

 

Angel: What do you want?

 

Godeerc: Two of a kind.  Okay, down to business.  I knew you were that type anyway.  I pretty sure Angel was about to dump you, and for some oddly righteous reasons, but I really don’t want that.

 

Buffy: Why do you care?

 

Godeerc: Well, for one thing, I’m a romantic.  Second… well, there was a second.  But don’t you even want to hear me out?

 

Buffy: You’ve got…

 

Godeerc: Don’t tell how long I’ve got.  My name’s Godeerc.  Here’s the “411”: You ask for changes in life; I make them.

 

Angel: You mean like granting wishes? (teasing) We got a genie in the Hellmouth?  Here to grant us three wishes?

 

Godeerc: No.  Three wishes aren’t near enough with my sense of humor.

 

Buffy: What do you mean?

Godeerc: You see Bedazzled?

 

Buffy: Uh, yeah.

 

Godeerc: It’s like that, except I really do want to make things go happy.  And the whole Devil thing.

 

Buffy: So, what am I supposed to do?

 

Godeerc: Well, let’s see.  Wish.  Okay, as I could tell from your lovely break-up scene…  But the way, it was great.  It goes right up there with Ross and Rachel… as I could see, the reason Angel wants to break up is because he’s a vampire, and that just won’t work out in the long run.

 

Buffy: So…?

 

Godeerc: She has brawn to burn and attitude to spare, but where are her logical reasoning skills?  This is simple.  The way to undo something that is, is to…

 

Angel: Do something that is not.  Wish I never became a vampire.

 

Buffy: (half-sarcastic, half-interested) Sounds like fun.  I wish Angel had never become a vampire.

 

 

Scene 2: Alleys of Galway, Ireland; 1754

(a drunken human Angel walks out of a bar)

 

(Darla grabs his neck to bite him)

 

(she is dusted, revealing Godeerc behind her)

 

Angel: (swaying) Huh? (passes out)

 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

Scene 3: The sewers

(Buffy and Godeerc stand; Angel is gone)

 

Buffy: (shakes her head as she wakes from a trance) Whoa.  Loony.  What was that?

 

Godeerc: Glimpse.  You’ll get used to it.

 

Buffy: I would hope so. (looks around) Where’s Angel?

 

Godeerc: Ireland.

 

Buffy: Why is he in Ireland?

 

Godeerc: He doesn’t have much choice.

 

Buffy: What are you talking about?

 

Godeerc: You’ll see.  Let’s go.

 

Buffy: Go where?

 

 

Scene 4: Graveyard in Galway, Ireland; Present

(Buffy and Godeerc pop up in the graveyard)

 

Godeerc: Okay, here we are.

 

Buffy: That was the strangest experience in my life.

 

Godeerc: I know quite a bit about your life.  That’s quite a compliment.

 

Buffy: If only.  Where’s Angel.  Is he brooding around somewhere?

 

Godeerc: He should be in one of these graves.

 

Buffy: He’s dead?!  Why is he dead?

 

Godeerc: He died in 1827.

 

Buffy: Why? 

 

Godeerc: ‘Cause humans have a tendency to do that after living for a while.

 

Buffy: And…

 

Godeerc: He wasn’t a vampire.

 

Buffy: You killed my boyfriend!  Reverse it… now!

 

Godeerc: It will likely reverse itself if I left right now.  But an even better idea would be to make a new wish.

 

Buffy: (cold) Oh, joy, love, and harmony.  Again? 

 

Godeerc: Well, let’s see.  You’ve done it once.  Doing once more would be considered “again.”

 

Buffy: Wow, you remind me of someone I know very well.  Okay, I’ll play your little game, but if Angel’s not alive in my next dream, you’ll feel the wrath of the Slayer without her boyfriend.  I wish that human Angel would be in Sunnydale, now.

 

Godeerc: Very good.  Done.

 

 

Scene 5: Outside the Bronze, Present

(Buffy looking around)

 

Buffy: Godeerc, where are we?

 

Godeerc: You don’t know?

 

Buffy: (looks around) Oh, the Bronze.  Now where’s Angel?  You didn’t kill him, did you?

 

(a drunk human Angel walks out)

 

Angel: Whoo-hoo!  No one beat the One-With-the-Angelic-Face.  Six shots, two minutes!  Baby, I’m good!  (sees Buffy) Well, hello there, little lady, what’s a girl like you doing outside a bar like this?  By the way, that is my gun.

 

Buffy: Oh my…  I just got hit on my boyfriend, and not very well at that.  Godeerc, take us back to the sewer.  And for goodness sake, bring back the regular Angel.

 

Godeerc: Now it gets fun.

 

 

Scene 7: The sewers

(Godeerc, Buffy, and regular vampire Angel)

 

Angel: Wow.  That was quite a rush.  Please stop.

 

Buffy: Okay, I’ve had about enough of you.  Now, listen, if you want to help us, help.  But I am not going to play your little game anymore.  Angel’s a vampire.  I know that.  I’ve dealt with it.  So what?  Why should you change that?

 

Angel: Buffy, if I stay a vampire, it does mean that we’re leaving certain things out of our relationship… and our future.  This guy has power, and I think he can actually do some good with it.

 

Godeerc: Angel’s right.  I have power.  And not only do I want to use it for good, I kind of have to. 

 

Buffy: Why?

 

Godeerc: I can explain later.  Now, what exactly do you want?

 

Angel: I want to be human again for her.  All my memories, my personality, my maturity, and my life back.  Soul and all, in a human body.  I want to be changed.

 

Godeerc: (suddenly solemn, sighs heavily) I knew it was going to come to this.

 

Buffy: Can you do it?

 

Godeerc: Can I or will I?

 

Buffy: Either or.  You said you wanted to help.

 

Godeerc: I won’t personally do it.  That is messing with the forces of nature and darkness.  I can’t do that, or won’t.  But I do understand you know someone else that could do it.

 

Buffy: Like a witch?

 

Angel: Ms. Calendar is dead. (painful expression)

 

Buffy: Or Willow… but she’s not too powerful.

 

Godeerc: Power grows by what you dare to do.  Do want me to have her do it?

 

Buffy: (long pause) Please.

 

 

Scene 7: The Library

(Buffy, Angel, and Godeerc suddenly pop in, frightening Giles)

 

Giles: My gosh.  Buffy, what’s happening?  Who is this?

 

Godeerc: Godeerc.

 

Angel: He’s kind of like a wizard or something.

 

Willow: (from the back room) Wizard?  Where? (comes out) Oh, hi.

 

Godeerc: Hi.  Willow, I need you do me a favor.  It’s actually a favor for Buffy and Angel.

 

Willow: Sure, anything for Buffy.  We’re getting off to a rather quick start, aren’t we?

 

Godeerc: Yeah, I understand we are.  But I don’t want to waste time.  I don’t do formalities well.  But I know, in time, you’ll learn more about me than you probably think you can handle.

 

Willow: What a warming feeling.  You’re not the best at social skills, are you?

 

Godeerc: It’s not my specialty, no. (makes a large, hardback book materialize and floats it over to Willow) Here.

 

Willow: Thanks. (the book opens itself, and flips through pages before descending into Willow’s hands; reading) “La… Transfoma… may-see-ohn… del Vam-py-ro a Human-o.”

 

Godeerc: (Spanish pronunciation) “La Transformación del Vampiro a Humano.  It’s a Spanish spell.  It will return Angel to a human.

 

Giles: (cutting in) That is very advanced magic. (takes off his glasses and holds them for his adult-mature-speech mode) Willow, you cannot seriously be thinking about trying to cast this spell.

 

Godeerc: The more difficult of spells that she tries, the more her magic will grow.

 

Willow: (pauses) Wow, this is intense.  This is big.  Buffy…?

 

Buffy: You don’t have to do it.

 

Willow: There’s got to be some reason why you guys need this.

 

Angel: It’s for us.  My being human really breaks a lot of the barriers down that may separate Buffy and I.  It’s a favor, but you don’t have to oblige.

 

Willow: (long pause) Giles, please, let me try this.  I want to help.  It’s for Buffy and Angel.

 

Xander: Does someone need help? (walks in) Whoa, whole solemn mood thing is going on.  Sorry.

 

Godeerc: It’s all right.

 

Xander: Thanks. (pauses) By the way, who are you?

 

Godeerc: I am Godeerc.

 

(short pause)

 

Xander: Wow, no long, overdone speech.  “I am Arabis, King of the Zorphians, Leader of the Entire Humagamagama Galaxy, swore to protect the innocent from the Evil Forces of the Vaders.”

 

Godeerc: (laughs) I like this guy.

 

Giles: Well, you’ll be the first.

 

Xander: Yeah. (realizes) Hey!

 

Giles: Godeerc, I have one question. What stops you from casting the spell?

 

Godeerc: It’s the source of my power.  It’s blessed power, sort of the power of angelic entity, so to speak.  I control the purity of the entity.  Witchcraft is evil.  If I were to attempt it, my entity… I call it mine, it’s not really… it would fall.

 

Xander: And get ouchies?

 

Giles: Fall.  A fallen angel.  Satan.  Devils.  Demons.

 

Godeerc: And guess that would make me.

 

Angel: Possessed.

 

Godeerc: Bingo.

 

Buffy: I still don’t get it.

 

Godeerc: You will learn soon.  Willow, if you would begin.

 

Angel: Will this hurt?

 

Godeerc: Not to scare you, but like Hell.

 

Angel: Oh. (cringes) Comforting.

 

(time lapse; the Library set up for the spell)

 

Willow: (witching voice) Potencias Arribas.  Potencias Abajas.  Usen sus magias para cambiar este ún a una forma de humanidad.  ¡Márquele!

 

(Buffy anoints Angel by painting a red cross on his forehead and each palm, which begins to burn his skin)

 

Willow: ¡Camínele!


(the Library is filled will a great storm of dark blue magic)

 

Willow: Forma humano.  Género varón.  Edad… (regular voice) blank.

 

(the storm become irritated; lightning strikes everywhere)

 

Willow: What’s going on?

 

Godeerc: (worried) “Edad?”  Say an age.

 

Willow: (fearful) Two-hundred and forty-two.

 

Godeerc: No, the age you want him as a human.  In Spanish.

 

Willow: (screaming over the storm) I don’t know Spanish.

 

Xander: Wait!  I know 21.  Say “veintiuno.”

 

(the storms focuses on Angel, as well as launching Xander into the bookcase)

 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

Scene 8: The Library

(the storm has cleared; Buffy awakes next to Angel, who is breathing heavily)

 

Buffy: (climbs onto him) Angel, are you are right?

 

Angel: (coughs) Yeah. (wheezes for breath)

 

Buffy: Good. (lays down on his chest, then looks into space, mesmerized)

 

Angel: Buffy?  Buffy… what is it?

 

Buffy: Your heart’s beating. (gets up) Willow?

Willow: (sits up, her hair extremely messed up, a bit shaken, and smiling like a loon) Did I do good?

 

Buffy: Yeah, you did.  Very.  (she smiles)

 

Xander: (calm) Well, that was a rush.

 

Buffy: Thanks, Xander, for completing the spell.

 

Xander: Aw, it was nothing.  Listen, as much as I’d like to celebrate Mr. Undead’s lack of undeadness, I got to go.

 

Willow: Sure, have fun. (sways dizzily)

 

Giles: Yes, see you later.  Willow, are you quite sure you are all right?

Willow: (trying to push her hair down) Well, except for the Bride of Frankenstein look, not bad.  But, I’d like to take a little break from big black magic for right now.

 

Giles: Of course.  You’ve had enough magic for a lifetime.

 

Willow: No, I’m pretty sure not.  I think someone is just a too concerned about Willow. (she fall backs from her sitting position) I’m okay, really. (flails her arms)

 

Xander: Catch you later. (walks by, and pats Godeerc’s shoulder)

 

(something sizzles and Xander runs off)

 

Buffy: Wow, how you feeling?

 

Angel: Well, breathing’s a new experience again.  And I’m hungry.  And, for once, the thought of blood makes me want to puke.  I like that.

 

Buffy: Godeerc, since he’s not a vampire, the curse is gone right.  He can’t turn back into Angelus, can he? (scrambles) For the personal safety of everything, of course.

 

Godeerc: Well, he can be repossessed… but not with True Happiness Clause.  But you two don’t have time to… (just waves it away)  There’s something wrong with Xander.

 

Willow: What? (still a bit out of it)

 

Godeerc: I think when he finished that spell accidentally, he became possessed.

 

Giles: How do you know?

 

Godeerc: Well, since my powers are blessed, I’m like a walking cross.  Angel, that aura force field thing was for my protection as much as yours.

 

Angel: Thanks. (holding his chest)

 

Giles: Chest pains, Angel?

 

Angel: Yeah, I feel like there’s something inside of it, bouncing back and forth. (smiles)

 

 

Scene 9: On the Streets of Sunnydale

(Xander walking along very proudly, when he sees someone)

 

Xander: Well, what do you know?

 

Lady: Hmm? (turns around revealing that it’s Anya) Xander?

 

Xander: Well, if it isn’t Anyanka, the demon of romance’s vengeance, or maybe I should say, “was.”

 

Anya: Just rub it in my face, why don’t you?

 

Xander: What do call what I just did?

 

Anya: Being a donkey.

 

Xander: Donkey?

 

Anya: Or whatever derogatory word you use that means “donkey.”  You humans are have strange customs.

 

Xander: Humans…?  Just a second.  I’ve got a headache. (he reels over, grabbing his head, when two antelope-like horns pop out) Ah, that’s better.

 

Anya: You’re a demon. (a small smile) When did this happen?

 

Xander: Not too long ago.  Jealous?

 

Anya: (a la Anya) Yes, very.

 

Xander: Well, rumor has it that there’s a new wish-granter in town, and he doesn’t look to be doing a lot of vengeance.

 

Anya: Nuh-uh!

 

Xander: Uh-huh.

 

Anya: Well, then I’ll show him who’s the boss.  You’re going to help me, right?

Xander: Sure, but only because you’re pretty.  In fact… (grabs her in a lean-over, no holes bard kiss) Man, it’s great being evil.  (pulls the smiling Anya behind him)

 

 

Scene 9: The Library

(the group talking)

 

Giles: You’re absolutely sure he’s a demon?

 

Godeerc: Unless he’s a vampire.  Whatever it is, there’s some kind of demon in him.

 

Willow: We’re not going to have to kill Xander, are we?

 

Godeerc: Probably not.  A simple de-possession will cure him.  If all else fails, I could try a sweeping blessing.

 

Willow: A… what?

 

Godeerc: Sweeping blessing.  It’s kind of the opposite of a curse or spell.  It’ll burn the demon out of him.  The thing is, it could injure Xander in the process.

 

Buffy: Wait a second.

 

Godeerc: Not badly, it’ll just be like eating something that’s too hot, except for just all inside of his body.

 

Buffy: Ow.

 

Godeerc: Plus, Willow might get caught in the crossfire.

 

Willow: Me?  Why me?  I’m not a demon.

 

Godeerc: Well, any kind of witchcraft or evil is burned.  Oh, I forgot to mention something.  It’s kind of responsibility that comes with my power.  I have to tell you that witchcraft is evil, and you will burn in the fiery depths of Hell for all eternity for you direct disobedient of the Law… officially, of course.  It won’t be the most pleasant feeling if you’re blessed.

 

Willow: How fun.  But if it’s worth getting Xander back.  (nods)

 

Buffy: (grabs a crossbow) Let’s head out then.

 

 

Scene 10: Outside a Graveyard

(a herd of about six vampires are walking out)

 

(they see a group of teenage girls, and run towards them)

 

 

Scene 11: A Neighborhood Street

(the Scooby gang walking)

 

Buffy: (who is helping to support Angel) Okay, if I were a demon in Xander’s body, where would I go?

 

Willow: Well, maybe… uh, okay no clue from the Peanut Gallery.

 

Buffy: I don’t know where he’d go, but I know where a group of vampires would go after just waking up.

 

Angel: Out for a snack?

 

Buffy: Bingo. (points ahead)

 

(Giles takes Angel, and Buffy goes forth to slay the vampires)

 

(the rest of the group acts as spectators)

 

Willow: You know, after watching her do this a lot, I get the feeling she doesn’t mind trading it for a normal life as she says she does.

 

Angel: Trust me, it’s all a sense of duty.

 

Giles: I must say, she is quite remarkable.  Notice how she slays two of them simultaneously.

 

Buffy: Okay, the whole “She alone will battle…” thing isn’t that binding.

 

Giles: Of course. (pulls out a cross)

 

Willow: Vampirum incenerus!

 

(one of the vampires catches on fire)

 

Buffy: (insulted) Willow, how long have you known that one?

 

Willow: Oh, I just made it up off the top of my head.  I think it will also catch hookers on fire.

 

Buffy: That might be useful.  (continues to slay the vampires)

 

Willow: (lifts her hand) Take this!  (several stakes float in midair shoot out towards the vampires; she gets one through the heart, one in the arm and side, and another in the butt, as well as a big tree)

 

Buffy: Thanks (slays the two impaled vampires)

 

Willow: You’re welcome.  (smiles)

 

Buffy: Duck! 

(Willow ducks and Buffy throws a stake, which dusts a vampire behind her)

 

(Buffy beats up and dusts the last one)

 

Giles: Well, I’ll never get used to this.

 

Buffy: Angel, how are you doing?

 

Angel: I think I can walk. (resist the support of Giles, and walks, limping and heavy)

 

Buffy: It’s a start.

 

(he loses balance and Buffy catches him, face to face)

 

Angel: Actually, I could get used to this not-knowing-how-to-walk thing.

 

Buffy: Until, I let you start falling on your face.

 

Angel: I think you rather my face fall on yours.

 

(she giggles)

 

Giles: Please, we do not have time for this… this…

 

Willow: Flirtation?

 

Giles: Yes, thank you.  Xander may be in great danger.

 

Willow: Shhh, I think they’re about to have a kissy-kissy scene.

 

Giles: But Xander…

 

Willow: Xander can wait.  How much damage can he do? 

(they all think about it; Buffy and Angel kiss)

 

Willow: Well, a demon in Xander’s body.

 

(they again think about it; Buffy and Angel progress kissing)

 

Willow: Xander doesn’t like Angel.  What’s he gonna do?

 

(they all leave)

 

 

 

 

Scene 12: A Park

(Xander and Anya walking through)

 

Xander: So, Anyanka…

 

Anya: Yes?

 

Xander: Nothing.  Hey, Anyanka…

 

Anya: Yes?

 

Xander: Nothing.

 

Anya: Oh, okay.  (she doesn’t get it)

 

Xander: Anyanka?

 

Anya: Yeah.

 

Xander: I forgot.

 

 

 Scene 13: The Streets

(Buffy and the others walking along)

 

Angel: (whose is being held by Buffy) Buffy, I think I can walk now.

 

(she releases him, and he walk rather normally)

 

Buffy: Very good.  Want a cookie?

 

Angel: I’d like to see you try to fly if we put wings on you.

 

Willow: Actually, because humans have rather dense bones and body mass, flight isn’t possibly unless you’ve wings that are, like, 45 feet long.

 

(she gets stares)

 

Willow: I guess we didn’t need to know that from Nerdy-Girl here.

 

(they walk on)

 

Giles: (under his breath) Forty-five feet.  Remarkable.

 

Buffy: (turns to a graveyard) Look, in that graveyard!

 

Willow: We’re we just at a graveyard?  (she looks back)

 

Buffy: Demon.

 

Angel: I’d say a Herania demon.

 

Giles: Horns?

 

Angel: No.

 

Giles: Then it’s a female?

 

Buffy: Giles, it’s 11:30; do you think we can tell?

 

Giles: (adjust his glasses) No, that’s definitely male.  Look at the…

 

Buffy: Giles!  Yuck-o!

 

Giles: (continuing, annoyed) …spikes on his back.

 

Buffy: Oh.

 

Giles: It’s a rather small Herosis Meranda demon.  I’d say lost.  They like warm climates.

 

Buffy: Man, I’m glad I wasn’t one of those studious Slayers.  Can you say, “boring?”

 

Willow: Buffy, demon.

 

Buffy: Oh, yeah.

 

(they run into the graveyard, where the demon is ripping out a headstone)

 

Buffy: (to the demon) You know, you’re not actually supposed to take those.

 

(the demon turns around; it has no eyes)

 

Buffy: Okay, the “lack of eyes” part would have been helpful in my technique.

 

Giles: How?

 

Buffy: I wouldn’t be surprised.  You know, some long-winded explanation about concentration or something.

 

Giles: Very well.

 

(the demon turns around, stands erect)


Demon: Four humans… one Slayer, one witch, one Watcher, and… Liam?

 

Buffy: What’s a liam?

 

Angel: Me.


Buffy: You’re a liam?

 

Angel: I am Liam.

 

Buffy: (in a girlfriend kind of way) You lied to me?  About your name?  Relationships are supposed to be about trust.

 

Willow: Buffy, the demon…

 

Buffy: Oh, yeah.  C’mon, attack me.

 

Demon: An endemonication.  It is near to us.  Male… adolescent… with a mortal… but a former endemonication.

 

Buffy: Wow, and I thought no one could beat Giles’s monotone.

 

(Giles rubs his head)

 

(the demon stays stationary)

 

Buffy: It won’t fight.  Can we leave it alone?

 

Godeerc: He knows where Xander is.

 

Buffy: Oh.  Godeerc, where did you come from?

 

Godeerc: Did I ever leave you?

 

Buffy: (confused) Uh… uh…

 

Willow: You blend into the scenery, don’t you?

 

Godeerc: Yeah.  Irmisicka, take us to this endemonication.

 

Demon: Under whose orders?

 

Godeerc: The Big Guy…

 

Irmisicka: I do not fear the condemnation of Hell.  Why should I not refuse?

 

Godeerc: ‘Cause I’ll bless you.

 

Irmisicka: I do not fear pain.

 

Willow: (whispering) Since when does blessing hurt?

 

Giles: It does if you’re a demon, like how the blessed things burn a vampire.

 

Willow: Oh, yeah.  The sweeping blessing thing.  I’d forgotten.

 

Godeerc: You like bribery?

 

Irmisicka: I accept nothing but chaste virgins. 

 

Godeerc: Redundancy.  Oh, you’re a hoot.  Just take us to him.

 

Irmisicka: I refuse.

 

Godeerc: May the grace of…

 

Irmisicka: This way.  (he walks off)

 

Buffy: Dang, I didn’t even get to kick his butt.

 

Willow: (to Giles) She’s your Slayer.

 

Giles: Thanks for the reminder.

 

 

Scene 14: A Pet Store

(Xander and Anya outside the window)

 

Xander: Lunch time.

 

Anya: Okay, but only a hamster for me.  Being mortal really cuts down on your appetite.  And you always have this irresistible urge for cooked food.

 

(Xander punches in the window)

 

Anya: No alarm.  How strange.  Ah, I’ve been a demon for a thousand years.  I’m fearless.

 

(a rabbit hops out)

 

(Anya screeches)

 

 

Scene 15: Four Blocks Over

(Buffy and the others walk along)

 

(a scream is heard)

 

Willow: Hey, I know that scream.  That’s Anya!

 

Irmisicka: She is with the endemonication.

 

Buffy: Let’s go.

 

(they run off)

 

 

Scene 16: The Pet Store

(Xander about to bite down on a hamster)

 

Buffy: Well, what do you know?  Xander’s out for a midnight snack.

 

Anya: Hey, Buffy!  What are you doing here?  And Giles!  And Willow!  Giles, by the way, you owe me a necklace!

 

Giles: Anya, you were cursing the lives of young men whose girlfriends claimed that they cheated on them, using this necklace “I owe you.”

 

Anya: Hey, it was a living.  Your living is just bossing around a hormone-crazed girl whose the lone savior of the world against evil… or at least trying to.

 

Giles: Well…

 

Willow: Giles, stop thinking about it. 

 

Giles: Oh, yes, of course.

 

Buffy: Xander, don’t bite into that.

 

Xander: Why not?  Hamsters are high in protein.

 

(he opens for another bite)

 

Buffy: Because, I have a friend here.  And he can bless your brains out.  Right, Godeerc? (looks to her side) Godeerc?

 

Godeerc: Right here.  (who right beside her)

 

Buffy: Okay, you have to stop doing that.

 

Xander: So, as I see I’m about to come up to the Slayer, and her chosen line of defense is to have some robed guy that’s gonna wish me good will?  Ha.  (goes for a bite)

 

Anya: Xander!  No!

 

(Godeerc puts his hands up)

 

Xander: (keels over, whines meekly) Ow…

 

Anya: Xander, you have to learn that blessing a demon hurts.

 

Xander: (from his feeble position on the ground) That information would have been good about ten seconds ago.

 

Anya: Oh, sorry.  I’ve lived for a while.  I’ve forgotten the idea behind quickness.

 

Xander: Really?

 

Anya: Pretty much.

 

Buffy: Giles, do I have to beat him up?

Giles: Well… that does seem like the necessary thing to do right now.

 

Godeerc: No, don’t hurt him.  We have to get the demon out of him.  If we hurt him, he may not survive the exorcise.

 

Buffy: But I’m bored…

 

Godeerc: Kill the demon.  He’s an idiot with no purpose.  And no soul, as I can sense, so you can get him.

 

Buffy: (smiles) Okay.

 

(she beats him up in the background)

 

Giles: No, Xander, you mustn’t…

 

(Xander is munching on the hamster)

 

Willow: Ew.  Too late.

 

(Buffy is thrown into Xander)

 

Buffy: Sorry.  (she gets up to kill the demon)

 

(Xander gets up)

 

Xander: That hurt.  (twists his neck into place)

 

(a loud snap is heard)

 

Xander: (his head leaning over) Uh-oh.  That’s so not good.

 

Giles: We can’t exorcise him now.

 

Buffy: Okay, done.  What can’t be exercised?

 

Giles: Xander.

 

Buffy: Oh, sure… he can’t?  (looks at Xander) What’s with his neck?

 

Giles: I believe you broke it.

 

Buffy: What?

 

Willow: No, he broke it himself.  You just put him in a position to.  That wasn’t comfort, was it?

 

Buffy: Godeerc?

 

Godeerc: (appears) Yes?

 

Buffy: Is there anyway to fix Xander without killing him?

 

Godeerc: Well, maybe.  If can reverse the spell, I can probably fix his neck before he dies, but if we just exorcised him, the force would kill before it would finish.

 

Buffy: Then, reverse it.

 

Willow: How?

 

Godeerc: “Canta Revés.”

 

Willow: “Canta Revés?”

 

(the storm quickly reappears and strikes Xander and the whole lot)

 

(Xander falls over)

 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

Godeerc: Heal.  (grabs Xander’s neck, and pushes it a bit harshly)

 

(it snaps)

 

Willow: Uh…  (high-pitched whine) 

 

Xander: (suddenly) Ow!  (grabs his neck) What the heck happened?  (his face cringes, and spits on the sidewalk) Yuck, what did I eat?  (thinks)  Oh… (frowns)

 

Anya: You’re not a demon?  You’re cute, but good-bye.  (she smiles as she walks away; to herself) Wow, it was kind of fun.  Prom is soon.  And why do I care…?

 

Buffy: We’re going to have to deal with her.

 

Willow: Totally.

 

Buffy: Angel?  (she looks around)

 

(he’s sprawled out on the ground)

 

Buffy: Angel!

 

Angel: Buffy?

 

Buffy: (goes to his side) What happened?

 

Angel: The storm hit me.

 

Buffy: Are you okay?  (takes his wrist)

 

Angel: I think so.  I feel funny, though.

 

Buffy: (silent, feels his wrist) Your pulse is gone.

 

Angel: (feels his chest) I’m a vampire again.

 

Buffy: What happened?

 

Godeerc: The spell.  It must have reversed him.


Willow: Godeerc, here’s the book.  (she pulls it out of her backpack)  Could you find it for me again?  (tosses it to him)

 

Godeerc: No. (tries to block it, but it bursts into flames as it nears him)

 

Willow: Uh, whoops?

 

Godeerc: Witchcraft is evil.  Anything evil or demonic or witch-like burns within reaching distance of me.  I guess that’s it.

 

Buffy: You think that’s funny, don’t you?  It’s all part of your stupid little game, isn’t it?  (crying) Why do you do this?

 

Godeerc: Because I have to.  I knew from the beginning that this wasn’t going to work out.  I knew it would fail.  It always does.  You know, I wish for once, everything would work out, but it doesn’t.  And I have to live with the fact that I can only watch my every attempt to make people happier crumble into dust.

 

Buffy: So, every time, you just try again?

 

Godeerc: I tell myself that maybe it’ll work this time.  But another thing.  I can’t go now without leaving something to prove I did something good.

 

Buffy: What good did you do?

 

Godeerc: I haven’t done it yet.  (turns) Giles, here’s a book of blessings.  It’s guaranteed to make every vampire, demon, and spell burst into flames.  Or other interesting demises.

 

Giles: Thank you.  (the book appears; and he immediately opens it)

 

Godeerc: Willow…

 

Willow: Ooh, I’m next.

 

Godeerc: I bless you with success in magic.

 

Willow: That’s it?

 

Godeerc: It’s in the form of a charm.  (throws it to her; it’s a bracelet with a blue crystal on it in the shapes of a crude cross)

 

Willow: Wow, you can do that?

 

Godeerc: You will get success in magic.  It’s a loophole in the whole righteous thing.  Just don’t wear the crystal while doing magic, or your new nickname will be Captain Hook.

 

Willow: Got it.

 

Godeerc: That crystal will lead you in the right way whenever you are completely lost.

 

Willow: Literally?

 

Godeerc: Yes, literally and metaphorically, but don’t test it.

 

Willow: ‘Kay.

 

Xander: Do I get something.  Or does the whole demon thing exclude me, ‘cause that was so not my fault…

 

Godeerc: You’re not exempt.

 

Xander: I hear that one a lot when I’m signing up for classes.

 

Godeerc: (ignoring him) I’m giving you a blessing of love.

 

Xander: Okay, but keep your distance.

 

Godeerc: (floats a flower to him) Put this somewhere in your room.  You will fight love… well, I’d say sooner than you think, but I know you too well, so I’ll say, “sooner than you believe.”

 

Xander: (sarcasm) How crystal clear.  I think you give Angel lesson is cryptic talk.

 

Godeerc: Angel.

 

Angel: I don’t trust you.

 

Godeerc: That makes two of us.

 

Xander: Okay, you just stole that one from him.

 

Godeerc: I give you this.  (tosses him something)

 

(Angel catches it)

 

Angel: (suddenly cringes) It’s a cross!  (Buffy poises)

 

Godeerc: Stay, Buffy.

 

(Angel eye’s are not closed, his look of pain gone, now with a possession-like stance)

 

Angel: Uh.  (eyes pop open, and he drops the cross; his palm has a deep, raw burn on it)

 

Godeerc: Okay, wasn’t supposed to happen that fast.  Anyway, pick up the cross again.

 

Angel: You think I’m an idiot?

 

Godeerc: If you weren’t so wise, that’d be a set-up.  Try it.

 

(Angel leans over, carefully, as if checking if a pot was still hot, he briefly touches it and then picks it up, with no burn)

 

Godeerc: It purified you soul.  The demon is quarantined, and you are now protected from crosses and holy water.

 

Willow: He’s like invincible?

 

Godeerc: Not even.  I didn’t immortalize him.  I just made it so that the holy objects won’t affect him because of his vampire.  A stake through the heart, a decapitation, or a nice shot of a flame-thrower, and he’s Mr. Pile of Dust and Ashes.

 

Angel: I’ll remember that.  (looks at the cross and jumps)

 

Godeerc: The cruciphobia will go away shortly.  Well, Buffy, you’ve been patient.

 

Buffy: Seeing that you’ve caused me great torment today, I must say I wasn’t completely giddy.

 

Godeerc: I like you, Buffy.  You’re one of the saviors of the world, like the One I work for now.

 

Buffy: Lucky me.

 

Godeerc: I don’t like your sarcasm, but I will bless you anywhere.  I want you to continue your work as long as possible.  I grant you this.  You life will be tormented…

 

(Buffy just stares)

 

Godeerc: Eternal tormented… like nothing you will ever want to experience, but you will.  And you will.  You will grow stronger than possible by Man.  You will powerful.  I bless that any evil that comes to you will burn in the worst places of Hell.  They will suffer worse than you, suffer worse than any demon that has the privilege of never meeting you.  Evil is yours to destroy.  I grant to you that you will as an archangel.

 

(steps back from the lamp light, and no longer is)

 

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

 

Scene 16: The Sewers

(Buffy and Angel going to hunt down a vampire)

 

Buffy: Whoa.  What just happened?

 

Angel: I don’t know.  I remember something, but I don’t.

 

Buffy: If I didn’t have the same feeling, I’d give you a funny look.

 

(Angel looks around; Buffy gives him a funny look)

 

Buffy: You need clothes.  You don’t have a tux, do you?

 

Angel: Since when did patrolling go black tie?

 

Buffy: For the prom, silly.

 

Angel: We have more important things to think about right now than a dance, Buffy.

 

Buffy: (rolls her eyes) Sorry, Giles.

 

Angel: C’mon, don’t be that way.

 

(the vampire appears)

 

Buffy: Not now. (stakes him thoughtlessly)

 

(ENDING CREDITS)

 

 

^_^ - Haha, I got in.  Well, I kind of always get in at the end.  Never mind.

 

A/N: After almost every story, I will have what’s to come.  Here’s what’s in the works.

 

©2002.  Created Tuesday, February 12, 2002.

 

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