Beauty and the Geek: Episode 6
by Godeerc VanDrey
with Creedog VanDrey
Category: Beauty and the Geek
Genre: Reality, Humor
Rating: PG
Language: English
Summery: The final two
teams spend the day getting to know one another better and show off their
hidden talents and hobbies. Then: the
Ultimate Show-Down.
A/N: Wow, almost
done. Except for the fact I’ve planned
an Aftermath Episode. And the fact that
I’ve already started preparing for the Virtual Season 6 series.
Brian: (voiceover) What you’re about to see is a social experiment, designed to find out if seven beautiful women and seven geeks can help each other to become a whole lot more…
Last time on Beauty and the Geek, Constance and James are welcomed back from the Elimination Room.
(
Brian: (voiceover) The teams received their next challenge.
Brian: (in the meeting room) You have come a long way and I know it wasn’t easy. So let me assure you… it only gets harder from here. (he shows them books on team-building and sports)
Brian: (voiceover) After a getting in a little bit of fun…
(the teams play chicken in the pool while Brian marks on his clipboard; the contestants are stunned as James tells them a story from high school)
Brian: (voiceover) …and the teams bonded over their deepest secrets.
(the teams laugh at embarrassing tales told by their partners)
Jolie: …I was so surprised I fell off our porch…
Chris: It’s important to note that my mom was a homeroom mom, so she was there…
Matt: … speech about my principal. So, he goes up to accept this award, and he finds something on the podium…
Anna: Don’t ask me where Leslie and I found the video…
James: …and of course, the sermon was about sexual morality.
(the contestants read short messages from their partners, their reactions a mix of laughter and bittersweet affection)
(the contestants then whisper into their partner’s ear and receive compassionate consolation)
Brian: (voiceover) The teams then meet their challenge head-on.
(the RV rides up toward a forested area overlooking a lake where a ropes course has been set up)
James: (interview room) Constance is from
Anna: (interview room) I don’t like bugs.
Matt: (interview room) (in response to hearing the lake’s temperature; stretching it out) Oh, crap.
(the girls race across the lake by walking on a rope and using handing handholds, tethered up by their partners; Constance’s low line falls when she puts too much weight on it; Chris starts across after Jolie and his rope falls within a few yards of his start, so Jolie pulls harder on his tether line; Anna leans backwards off her platform in a daring rescue to pull Matt back up toward the handholds; all three teams zip down to the ground from atop the landings)
Brian: (voiceover) The teams were challenged by their own Halls of Terror.
(James and Constance walk through a hallway full of curtains where the walls are decorated with Nazi, Wicca, and Satanist imagery while eerie music plays; and to exit, they must crawl through a low, narrow tunnel)
(Matt carries Anna across a delicate ice sheet in a hallway filled with creepy-crawlies of all sorts; Matt’s foot goes through the ice at one point, and Anna must brush off the ants on her hand after catching herself on the wall)
(Chris and Jolie nervously walk through a hallway covered with 9-11 pictures, video, and audio; to escape, they must crawl through the cabin of a wrecked pickup truck)
Brian: (voiceover) Finally, the contestants’ loyalty was tested.
(each contestant sees the following sign with a marker handing from it:
INSTRUCTIONS
If you mark this sign, you will be entitled to the entire $250,000 if you team
wins.
However, if both you and your partner mark your signs, the deal is null and you
will be sent through an obstacle course.
If neither takes it, you will be sent down a trail of moderate difficulty.
If only one takes it, you will be sent down a trail of lesser difficulty. It will not be noticeable to your partner.)
(all instantly refuse the challenge, except Anna, who struggles to understand; she holds the marker up to the sign before throwing it in the woods angrily)
Anna: (to the cameraman) That didn’t count!
(the teams race across the trial of moderate difficulty; Chris supports Jolie when her knee is injured)
(James and Matt jump over the finish line Superman-style, with Constance and Anna following; Chris and Jolie run across moments later)
Brian: An actual photo finish. (holds out a 4-by-6
photograph, which shows Anna leaning in further than
Brian: (voiceover) So James and Constance, and Chris and Jolie went to the Elimination Room.
Brian: What team does David Beckham play for?
Brian: No, Beckham plays for Real Madrid. (to Chris and Jolie) What do at least two of the letters of the acronym BASE stand for in BASE jumping?
Jolie: (whispers) A… airplane? S… no idea. E is… elevator… elevation… (sighs) Building and airplane?
Brian: That is incorrect. (later, to Chris and Jolie) Name two common injuries involved in scuba diving.
Chris: (after conversing with Jolie, says to Brian) Asphyxiation and hypothermia.
Brian: Correct. (later) James and Constance, you must get this question right to go to a tiebreaker. In the popular playground game of 4-Square, according to the rules indicated in your book, which lines of the grid are “in-bounds” and which lines are “out-of-bounds.”
James: But you’ve played, right? (she nods) How can it not be like that? (thinks) The inner lines separating the players are “out-of-bounds” if hit by the ball, while the outer rim, if hit, still constitutes “in-bounds.”
Brian: Correct.
Brian: (voiceover) With a score of two-to-two, we went to a tie-breaker round.
Brian: First question, name an important medical condition that your part has that must be taken into account during physical activity.
Jolie: Chris has a weak lower back.
Brian: What is one of your partner’s favorite two sports or physical activities to participate in?
Jolie: (confidently) Racquetball.
Brian: Third question, today during the triathlon, your partner and you traveled through a hallway with obstacles tailored towards your fears. Please explain the event that triggered that fear.
Brian: I’m afraid that’s incorrect.
Brian: (voiceover) So, Chris and Jolie narrowly emerged victorious after a trying Elimination Round.
Jolie: See ya. And for the record, we were never competing for…
James: (shakes Chris’s hand) Don’t know about you, but I made a lot of friends.
Chris: (sincerely) Me too. (they pull in for a hug) See you around.
James: Count on it. (they break it, pause, and both say, à la Bill and Ted) Fag!
(outside the mansion, James and Constance are interviewed separately)
James: I’m really glad I got this far. I enjoyed my time here… a lot. (pause) And, I “got action” on this show. I didn’t expect that, and I don’t know how it happened, and I don’t think anyone really does, but it did, and I’m kinda happy it did.
(together)
James: (to
(they hug)
(James and Constance walk out with their luggage)
(Chris and Jolie tip-toe up the stairs)
(“I’ve got the brains… you’ve got the looks… let’s make lots of money…)
Scene 1: Matt and Anna’s Bedroom
(Chris and Jolie walk in)
Anna: Hey! (hugs Jolie)
Matt: Congrats. (takes Chris’s hand and they guy-hug)
(Anna and Chris hug as Jolie and Matt do the same)
Anna: (trying to sound cheerful) So, it’s just us now? Why does it feel weird?
Chris: ‘Cause Chuck and Richard had that whole hostility thing going on to cover it up.
Scene 2: Chris and Jolie’s Bedroom
(Chris exits the bathroom while Jolie sits on the bed, looking at her knee)
Chris: (thinking) How’s your knee?
Jolie: Oh, it’s fine. It’s still a little tender, but it’ll be fine tomorrow.
Chris: Even if, suppose, you were to do some sort of physical activity requiring the use of it?
Jolie: (pause) Yeah… why do you ask?
Chris: It’s a surprise.
Scene 3: Matt and Anna’s Bedroom, 8:04 AM
(Anna is awake, staring at the pillow on Matt’s feet)
Scene 4: Chris and Jolie’s Bedroom, 8:05 AM
(Chris wakes up to find his himself face down, his hand under Jolie, who is sleeping on her side facing away from Chris; she has a weak grasp on his hand)
Chris: (squeezes his hand to wake Jolie; whispers) Your hair smells good.
Jolie: (smiling, she wakes up and rolls over to face him; her smile drops) You are so weird. (hops out of bed) Is your arm not asleep?
Chris: Nope, you’re pretty light.
Jolie: Good answer.
Scene 5: The Meeting Room
(Brian is waiting; the two teams sit down on the couch, easily fitting, looking around as if the room seems bigger)
Brian: Well, congratulations, teams, you made it to the final round. As you know, there will be a final Elimination Round, where the winners will walk out with $250,000, and the losers will walk out… with the experience they’ve gained.
Matt: (interview room) The question is… which is more valuable? (realizes it didn’t sound tongue-in-cheek)
Brian: Your partners have planned an activity for you to do today. Take that time to get to know one another. Tonight’s Elimination Round is going to be about you. That is all. You have cars waiting.
Scene 6: Chris and Jolie’s Car
(a driver in a sedan drives Jolie and Chris out of the city)
Jolie: So, where we going?
Chris: You’ll find out.
Jolie: I hate surprises. Is there going to be mud? (Chris is silent) There is? Mud and water, because you made me bring a swimsuit. The beach?
Chris: (smiling) You’ll find out in like fifteen minutes.
Driver: Twenty.
Chris: Twenty.
Scene 7: All Fired Up Pottery Boutique
(Matt and Anna’s driver lets them out in front of the store)
Matt: Ooh. Interesting.
Anna: (grabbing his wrist) C’mon, it’s fun.
(inside, Matt is looking through a scrapbook)
Matt: My dad’s birthday is coming up. Maybe I should make him a coffee mug.
Anna: Aww, that’s so sweet. C’mon, I’m overflowing with inspiration.
(later)
Matt: (molding a large spiraled clay snake into the form of a mug) This is harder than it looks. (he turns to see Anna molding a sort of double-vase, curvy with two tunnels connecting the vases) That’s cool.
Anna: I like to challenge myself. It’s so that I can put two bouquets in, and if one uses more water than the other, the water will stay even. I think.
Matt: Yeah, it will. Want to hear the physics explanation to why?
Anna: Go ahead and tell me, but I won’t listen.
Matt: Works for me. (goes back to molding his mug) Anyway, let me start by explaining air pressure…
Scene 8:
(Chris and Jolie are in a motorboat, wearing swimsuits, PFD III life jackets, and sunglasses)
Jolie: (yelling over the wind) Water-skiing?
Chris: (yelling back) Close. I can do that, too, but this is something a little more obscure and I’m better at it.
(the boat slows)
Chris: (holds up a four foot long surfboard-shaped object) This is a kneeboard. You ride it while kneeling. I’ll demonstrate, and then you’ll get a chance to try it.
Jolie: Is it hard?
Chris: (pauses) Yes. (jumps into the water)
(holding onto a ski rope with his elbows in the grooves of the board, Chris waits as the boat accelerates, and then starts to pull himself up into a kneeling position on top of the board as the board glides over the water; after a while, he starts to shift his weight, causing the board to veer right and left within the wake, then outside of it, and before long, making arcs of over 120 degrees; if he returns to the wave with some speed from the wider arcs, the board “jumps” a foot or so into the air)
Jolie: (who sitting in a reverse-facing chair beside the captain; after Chris makes an especially high jump) Whoa! (Chris seems to idle on one side of the wake; without warning, he releases one hand, and twists his body to grab the handle from behind, causing him to ride backwards) What’s he doing? (he then repeats the maneuver to bring himself forward again)
Driver: It’s called a 360.
(Chris repeats the maneuver in the other direction, then switches back to jumps; he then pulls himself to move himself in a very wide arc, nearly parallel with the boat; he waves jovially)
Jolie: What’s he doing?
Driver: He might be trying to do a big jump. He could be trying to jump the wake. Maybe a barrel roll.
Jolie: A barrel roll? Is that what it sounds like? (the driver makes a gesture where he twists his hand around, affirming her conclusion)
(Chris merely jumps the wake, but starts another very wide arc)
Jolie: (yelling at him) Be careful!
(Chris glides off toward the wake, hitting it hard, launching him in the air; he leans over, but not nearly enough to complete a roll in the air, so he releases the rope and lands in the water askew)
Jolie: Ah! He’s down, he’s down! (the driver just laughs and turns the boat around; as it nears Chris) You’re crazy if you think I’m going to try that.
Chris: (climbing up the ladder, but not getting in the boat) I’ve been doing this for twelve years. We’re just going to get you up on the water.
Jolie: No barrel rolls?
Chris: You couldn’t if you tried. Hop in. (he drops down and Jolie reluctantly jumps over the side)
(in the water, Chris holds the kneeboard while Jolie treads water)
Chris: Alright, I’ve put down the fins for you. (shows her the bottom where small fins are present) These will help stabilize you. I don’t use them because it makes it harder to do tricks. (hands her board) I want you to put your elbows in the grooves and try to balance.
(Chris smiles while Jolie tries this; the buoyant board refuses to allow her to rest on it, though she tries)
Jolie: Are you sure this is humanly possible? (the board slips away, but she grabs it and tries again)
Chris: When the boat gets moving, the board will stay put better. (hands her the ski rope) Hold it underhand until the boat gets moving. After that, just slowly pull yourself up. How much upper body strength do you have?
Jolie: Like none.
Chris: It’s okay. Just wiggle your way up. Now you see this strap? (Jolie nods at the three inch thick Velcro strap) If you think you can manage, strap yourself in. If not, you should be fine leaving it loose, unless you’re doing tricks.
Jolie: (quickly) I’m not.
Chris: Don’t use your arms and shoulders so much as your back and sides. Just lean back and let the boat pull you. (does a thumbs-down gesture) This means go slower. (thumbs-up) Faster. (“OK” gesture) Good speed. (slice-across-the-neck gesture) Stop. If the boater does this, (bounces his hand) it means waves, so just sit tight. (spins his finger) And this means we’re turning around. Just ride it out. You ready?
Jolie: As I’ll ever be.
(Chris swims to the boat and sits where Jolie was; the boat accelerates; Jolie can’t get up and loses the rope, so the boat circles around to check on her and get ready again)
(she can’t get up six more times; the next time, she gets half way up, and falls over; this happens at least three more times)
Chris: (as the boat circles around) Wanna try again?
Jolie: How many times did it take you to get up?
Chris: At least a dozen. More for other people.
Jolie: (sighs) Let’s do it again.
(Jolie gets up this time, but immediately falls forward; she gestures to try again; the next time, she falls over before getting up; she asks for another try, and falls within a few seconds; she tries again and gets herself up; looking very terrified, she holds the ski rope very close to her and clenches up; on the boat, Chris gestures for her to relax her arms and hold them out; she does, and finds the courage to turn her hands to the overhand position; she smiles as she glides across the water, the wind blowing her hair for a while)
(later, with the sun low in the sky, she and Chris sit on the boat together, hip to hip)
Jolie: I’m exhausted.
Chris: You got up in one day. That’s good. I have to warn you, though, your arms and shoulder are going to be really sore tomorrow.
Jolie: Um, but not tonight, right?
Chris: Not too bad. Why?
Jolie: Well, my event requires the use of my arms.
Chris: Oh, what are we doing?
Jolie: It’s a surprise. Dress up.
Chris: Sounds good. (nudges her with his shoulder)
Scene 9: All Fired Up
(Matt and Anna have given their dishes to the sales associate)
Anna: Now that they’re painted and glazed, they’re going to bake them.
Matt: Tasty.
Anna: No, you doof, dry them out so that the clay gets hard and the color comes out. They’ll be ready in a few hours.
Matt: Then what?
Anna: How long does your thing last?
Matt: About an hour. But we can pick up food first. What are you thinking?
Anna: I’ve been wanting Chinese all week.
Matt: Let’s go.
Scene 10: The Mansion Meeting Room
(a big screen TV has been set up; Matt and Anna enter with their Chinese food)
Anna: Intriguing.
Matt: Ready?
Anna: (sitting down) Fire it up!
Matt: (dryly) You’re a hoot. (plays the tape)
(the TV starts with a blank screen, and Matt’s voice comes up, awkwardly “singing” the Star Wars theme)
(record scratch)
Matt’s Voice: (as if talking to someone) Uh-huh, mm-hmm, oh, I see, yeah, yeah, uh, being sued is bad. Let’s try this. (synthesized piano music comes on in a theme reminiscent of the Star Wars theme)
(Anna giggles)
(the screen becomes a starry night, obvious videotaped because there is an occasional camera shift; words appear on the screen: “An undisclosed period of time ago, in an undisclosed location an undisclosed distance away…”)
(the screen abruptly switches to an office, where the background windows show the starry night sky; and Matt sits at the desk in a blue suit with a red tie; he has two days worth of stubble)
(the words “Ovular Office” appear, then “Ovular” is marked out and “Ovalur” office appears above it; the sound of pages flipping is heard; then “Elliptical” appears above that; the whole time, Matt tries not to look awkward, but his eyes wander, and he sighs occasionally, and twiddles his thumbs)
Video Matt: Ah, welcome to the… (looks over his desk) Elliptical Office. I am President Obill-wan Clintoni of the Jedi Council. And I am here to tell you about being a Jedi. First, you must take a solemn vow of chastity. I forget why, but it has a long tradition… (a plump brunette woman walks in and leaves a glass of water on the desk) Thank you, Mon-Loo. (she winks at him; he returns a stern look) Anyway, what was I saying?
(at this point, a Yoda puppet in a presidential suit rises from behind Matt’s shoulder, looks around, and lowers his eyes at Matt)
Yoda: (voiced by an unseen actor doing an impression) President of the Jedi Council you are not. (whacks Matt with his cane) Leave now! (Matt runs away as the puppet continues to whack him)
(Anna laughs so hard, she almost chokes on her lemon chicken and egg noodles)
(later)
(the movie abruptly switches from live action to primitive computer animation, showing a fight between a Q-shaped spaceship and a cubic Death Star)
(the movie switches to live action, showing a Starship Enterprise model “flying” through a “starry sky,” the effect caused by moving a long banner of starry night wallpaper while an unseen force holds the ship still)
(the movie switches to a theater set, set up to resemble the cockpit of the Starship Enterprise; a character playing the Captain Kirk role sits in a cleverly disguised recliner; all the actors are in pajamas)
Captain Kirk: (who wears a red and yellow striped onesie) Ensign! What are those ships?
Ensign (played by Matt with a week’s worth of stubble): I’m not sure, sir.
Captain Kirk: Tell me it’s not Jean-Luc Picard! (pronounces it “Jeen Luck PICK-erd”)
Spock Character: Sir, it’s Jean-Luc Picard. (pronounces it correctly) It’s French.
Captain Kirk: French?!
The damned French didn’t even support the war in
Spock Character:
Captain Kirk: Damn, all those dirtbag countries have similar names! No wonder they speak gibberish.
Spock Character: Sir, it’s called, um… never mind, sir.
Captain Kirk: Dammit, Ensign, who are those ships?
Ensign: Well, sir, they appear to be part of something
called the
Captain Kirk: Republicans! Damn straight.
Spock Character: Uh, actually… nothing, nothing at all, sir.
Captain Kirk: Scotty, beam me up! I want to meet with them.
Scotty: (over the intercom) Uh, sir, I can’t beam you up. You’re already on the ship. If you want to go somewhere, you need to come down here.
Captain Kirk: Forget about it. I’m taking a nap. Ensign, you’re in charge.
Ensign: But, sir. I’m—
Captain Kirk: That’s a good lad. (exits)
(the screen switches to the toys again; the Starship Enterprise is “flying” along when a miniature model of a Jedi Starfighter comes by and shoots a computer animated blast causing a computer generated explosion which fills the screen; when the explosion subsides, a larger toy Starfighter is shown flying along, with a Mace Windu action figure driving)
(the screen switches to a view showing an actor, resembling Mace Windu in the sense of being African-American, bald, and semi-stocky, and the top edge of his ship; “Mace” pushes a button on the control panel)
(the screen switches back to the toy view; the Shaft theme is playing, and computer animated spinners have been added to the ship)
Matt’s Voice: (voiceover) Master Yoda, I have confirmation that Mace Windex has just destroyed a powerful ship.
Yoda’s Voice: Again which one is he?
Matt’s Voice: Uh, sir, he’s been serving on the Jedi Council for eight years now. He’s a human from the Planet Indahuud.
Yoda’s Voice: Nope, ringing a bell it is not.
Matt’s Voice: (sighs, walking on screen with a light beard) He’s the black one, Master.
Yoda’s Voice: (appears of the other side of the screen) Oh, yes, of course. I owe him 20 credits.
(later, Matt and Anna are watching the credits, where every person has a joke nickname in quotes)
Anna: Matt, that is so you. Why’d you do this?
Matt: It was for a class I took in college. I got an A. I even entered it in George Lucas’s competition, but I was disqualified for some reason.
Scene 11: The
(Chris and Jolie enter, Chris in blue slacks, a light blue
(Jolie sits down in a chair and pulls a cello out of its
case, and plays
(later, they eat a fish and pasta dish)
Chris: Ashley Jolie Rosslyn.
Born May 26, 1982, in
Jolie: Yep.
Christopher Todd Mariner. Born
March 18, 1982, in
Scene 12: Matt and Anna’s Bedroom
(Matt and Anna sit on the bed, looking at each other)
Anna: (quickly) Middle name.
Matt: Kiki.
Anna: What?
Matt: Just kidding. Patience.
Anna: You’re a hoot. Uh, Matthew.
Matt: First name?
Anna: Larry the Cucumber.
Matt: We should be taking this serious. Place of birth.
Anna:
Matt:
Anna: Specific city?
Matt: (thinks really hard) Blue…
Anna: Diamond.
Matt: Diamond. Dammit. Uh, pets?
Anna: Golden retriever. Monty.
Matt: Ferret. Colossus. (tilts his head with a amused look)
Anna: Most likely thing to do with $250,000.
Matt: (thinks) Student loans. Shopping extravaganza. Not in that order.
Anna: (smiles) Yep. Uh, camping gear. Maybe movie stuff.
Matt: That’s about right.
Anna: What’s on my iPod right now?
Matt: Rap.
Anna: (nods) Larry the Cucumber.
Matt: Very funny, but yes. What else?
Anna: Bach.
Matt: No, but one Mozart. Um, favorite competition…
(Anna thinks)
Scene 13: The Main Hallway
(Matt and Anna enter from one side of the staircase; Chris and Jolie the other; they meet in the middle and walk down together; dramatic music plays)
Matt: (interview room) I bet they play dramatic music when we walk down. Mozart probably.
(a message appears at the bottom of the screen: “Bach, actually.”)
Scene 14: Elimination Room
(Brian waits for them as they enter)
Brian: Well, teams, welcome to the final Elimination Round. The team that wins this Elimination Round will win $250,000. The other team will go home. Now, Chris and Jolie, you’re seasoned veterans in here. Matt and Anna, I believe this is your first visit. Good luck. To all of you. Now, just in case you’ve all been exchanging all the personal information you can think of all day, we’re changing the way this round will work. Your partners will answer questions about you while you are in another room, and then you will be challenge to choose which of three answers your partner chose for you. (the contestant groan and laugh nervously) Men, you will start. Ladies, if you’ll please wait in the viewing room.
(the girls leave)
Brian: Okay, let’s begin. Matt, what do you think Anna’s reason for choosing you the first day?
Matt: (thinks) She thought my ill-preparedness was cute.
Brian: Alright. Chris, same question for Jolie.
Chris: Okay, I don’t understand the situation, but she was defending my honor against Aubrey or something.
Brian: (nods) Matt, what was Anna’s least favorite competition?
Matt: (interview room) Least favorite. Dangit!
Matt: (counts off on his fingers, considering each one) Either the space emulators, or the bugs. The bugs definitely, so the Triathlon.
Brian: Chris, the same for Jolie.
Chris: I’m tempted to say the Math, but… she was really shaken up by the last one. I’ll say the Triathlon, too.
Brian: Alright. Last question, besides from you, what is one thing that your partner learned from another contestant?
Matt: She learned about twenty new erogenous zones from Chris.
Chris: (laughs) She learned the elbow wasn’t one of them from Matt. No, I’m kidding. She learned how to forgive people from Aubrey.
Brian: Alright. Those are good. We’ll bring the girls in; and guys, please sit in the viewing room.
(the partners change places)
Brian: Alright, ladies, we got the answers from your partners. Now, we need answer from you. If your partner had gotten the chance to choose another contestant, who would he have chosen?
Anna: He would have chosen… well, not Rory. (smiles) He would have chosen… Kayley, I think.
Jolie: I’m trying to think if I should say
Brian: Alright. Next question, which competition would your partner like to redo?
Anna: Matt never really felt prepared for the first competition. I think if we could do it over, we’d study more.
Jolie: Chris really needs dating experience and his date with the businesswoman didn’t go well at all. She was very reserved and unenthusiastic. I wanted him to at least have to try to keep up a conversation for a while.
Brian: Good. Final question, who, excluding yourself, did your partner learn the most about himself from?
Anna: I want to say James. I think Matt saw a lot of himself in James, and it really helped him to see how others might see him.
Jolie: Chris learned from Josh that he wasn’t the geekiest or the most awkward person in the world. He saw that he was just a normal guy.
Brian: Okay, we’ll move on. We’ll turn on the TV in the Viewing Room. Hey, guys, how you doing?
(in the Viewing Room, the guys jump as the screen suddenly turns on)
Brian: Alright, ladies, let’s see the questions. Let’s see if you can pick the answer your partners picked. First question, Anna, what was Matt’s reason for choosing you the first day? Which of these did Matt answer? (the answers appear on a computer monitor behind Brian) A. Because his ill-preparedness was cute. B. Because he could balance out your scatter-brained personality. C. Because he seemed as competitive as you.
(Viewing Room)
Matt: Oh, crap. The scatter-brained thing.
(Elimination Room)
Anna: B, I think. We talked about how we were thinking the same thing about me being scatter-brained.
Brian: I’m sorry. Matt actually answered A.
Anna: What? (to the ceiling) Matt!
(in the Viewing Room, Matt crunches up in his seat)
Brian: Jolie, same question. Did Chris choose: A. Because you thought he was able to take you to the end. B. Because you were defending his honor against Aubrey. C. Because he seemed confident.
Jolie: Well, all three are more or less correct. But Chris would not say he was confident. And B is something we talked about, so I’ll say B.
Brian: Correct. Score is 0-to-1 in favor of Chris and Jolie. Next question, what did Matt say your least favorite competition was? A. The scavenger hunt, because you were so close to winning it. B. The MAT machines, because you got dizzy. C. The Triathlon, because of the bugs.
Anna: I met my future husband at the MAT machines. (rolls her eyes) The bugs, by far.
Brian: Correct. Jolie, how did Chris answer the same question for you? A. The computers, because you barely lost. B. Sudoku, because you hate math. Or C. The Triathlon, because of the car wreck.
Jolie: Though Chris might have said the math, which I openly dislike, he’d know that the car wreck would have been much more difficult for me. I’ll say C.
Brian: Also, correct. The score is 1-to-2, still in favor of Chris and Jolie. Last question: Anna, which person did Matt think you learned the most from? Is it A. Constance, from whom you learned friendship. B. Chris, from whom you learned new erogenous zones. (Anna laughs) Or C. Kendall, on how to stalk people?
Anna: Crap. Matt would say either of the latter two. I’ll go with B, because it would have been funnier since Chris was in the room when he said it.
Brian: (pause) Correct. (Anna looks relieved) Jolie, what was Chris’s answer? A. Aubrey, on how to forgive people. B. Josh, about Final Fantasy. C. Matt, that the elbow is not an erogenous zone.
Jolie: Whew. It’s not B. Doesn’t sound like Chris. A I could see. C I could also see. Let’s say… C.
Brian: I’m sorry. Chris said A. (Jolie huffs) That leaves the score tied 2-to-2. Let’s bring the guys in for the next round. (the guys enter, and the women exit) Alright, guys, if you’re ready, we’ll begin. Matt, who did Anna say you would pick for your partner if you got to choose? A. Jolie. B. Aubrey. C. Kayley.
Matt: I have no idea what she would say. Jolie, maybe because we did the dinner together, but she knows I picked last. Uh, Aubrey… I don’t know why should would say that except for her looks. ‘Course with Kayley, she’d say the same thing. I’ll go with A.
Brian: I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. Anna said you’d pick Kayley. (Matt cringes) Chris, did Jolie say you’d pick: A. Constance, B. Jessie, or C. Anna.
Chris:
Brian: You are correct. The score is 2-to-3, in favor of Jolie and Chris again. Moving on, which competition did your partner say you would want to redo, Matt? A. The Blind Date, because of Rory. B. Physical Fitness Trivia, to study more. C. The Costume Design, to think of better design.
Matt: Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to go on another date with Rory. (rolls eyes) My costume wasn’t spectacular, but it was good. I would have tried something different, I suppose. And well, physical fitness trivia, I didn’t do great with, ‘cause, no, I didn’t study much. I’ll say B.
Brian: You would be correct. Chris, same question. Did Jolie think: A. The Blind Date, because of Angela; B. Physical Fitness Trivia, because you were close to winning; or C. The Costume Design, to prepare a less revealing design.
Chris: Blind date would be fun with a better date. I think I did okay with the first competition, though I was close, so maybe I should have studied more, too. And, I would never redo the costume. Jolie loved her costume, despite its… lack of coverage in certain areas. So… I really have to say A.
Brian: Correct. That leaves the score at 3-to-4, Chris and Jolie still have the lead. Matt, final question. You must get this right if you want a chance to win. Whom did you learn the most from during these past two weeks? A. Jolie, about what is and isn’t good table conversation. B. Kendall, your rival for geekiness. C. James, who you saw a lot of yourself in.
Matt: Well, if Anna had said I’d learned anything from
Jolie, it was about gossiping. Maybe, maybe A.
Brian: Correct. Now, Chris, if you get this correct, you and Jolie will walk out with the $250,000. If not, we’ll go to a tiebreaker. Whom did Jolie say you learned the most from? A. Constance, about dating. B. Josh, about how you are not as geeky as you think. C. Matt, who reminds you of what you look for in a friend.
Chris: Hard one. Yes,
Brian: I’m sorry. That’s incorrect. Jolie said B. Josh. (Chris looks confused) We’ll go to a tiebreaker. Ladies, if you’ll come back in. (the women enter) Now, we have a stack of questions. Both partners of both teams will answer these questions until a winner emerges. First question: What is your partner’s middle name?
Anna: Matt’s middle name is Matthew.
Jolie: Chris’s middle name is Todd.
Matt: Anna’s middle name is Patience.
Chris: Jolie’s middle name is Jolie.
Brian: All correct. Next question: what is your partner’s favorite movie?
Matt: Anna would say Glitter.
Chris: We didn’t talk about this. Maybe Pretty Woman? (Jolie looks perturbed)
Anna: Matt’s favorite movie I’m pretty sure is
(Chris seems to remember what Pretty Woman is about)
Jolie: Chris just likes movies. How about… Minority Report.
Brian: Anna’s favorite movie is Glitter. Correct, Matt. Matt’s favorite movie is
(Anna jumps up and down; she and Matt hug)
Anna: (runs over to hug Jolie) Oh, I never want to have to compete with you again. It will kill me!
Jolie: Congratulations.
Matt: (shakes Chris’s hand) Way to take it to the limit, buddy.
Chris: Congrats. (they hug) Should we?
Matt: (pulling away) You do realize how cliché it would be? (pause)
Matt and Chris: Fag! (they air guitar)
Chris: (interview room) Well, I’ve made a fool of myself on national television. I’ll check it off my list of things to do before I die.
Matt: (hugging Jolie) This was loads of fun. Keep it touch.
Jolie: Of course.
Anna: (hugs Chris) You know, I lost the bet because you
refused to hook up with
Chris: (smiles) Well, I think
Scene 15: Outside the Mansion
Chris: (alone) This is, by far, one of the… wackiest times of my life. It’s an experience that I think everyone should have. I mean, WB would be swamped with footage… I could never have gotten this far without Jolie. I think we were just a good match for each other. You don’t do this without coming back with at least one new best friend.
Jolie: (alone) It’s kind of bittersweet. Going this long is really worth even though we didn’t win. I mean, it’s hard to care about the money now. Chris now knows things about me that no one else does. At the same time, it sucks seeing friends disappear every few days. I wish Matt and Anna the best.
(together)
Chris: (to Jolie) I don’t know how you got past the interviewers, because you are no idiot. You’re every bit as intelligent as you are beautiful. (turns toward the camera) And you are beautiful. (back to Jolie) We’re kind of lucky, ‘cause we don’t live that far apart, so it’ll be easier to stay in touch. And I’m really happy about that.
Jolie: (to Chris) Chris, you are an idiot. You have so many desirable qualities. You think that the whole me-you-Constance pseudo-love triangle was a joke, but it’s not. Anyone of us could have fallen in love with you. For goodness sake, get yourself out there. I’ll help, okay?
(they hug)
Matt: (alone) You know, it’s okay that we didn’t win the money. (pauses) Oh, wait, we did. Anna’s friendship means so much more than the money, it’s like it doesn’t matter. I could never have done this without Anna. I would have been gone by the first day. I’m going to miss this so much, the laughter, the hugs, the tears… I can’t even get through this; it’s so corny and sincere at the same time. (rolls his eyes) Go interview Anna!
Anna: (alone) I may never sleep again if I don’t have Matt’s ankles to lie on. (laughs; then looks at the camera) Oh, and Sergeant Martinez, I know you’re out there. I’m coming for you, sexy. (pretends to reply to something) Oh, Matt? Yeah, Matt rocks my socks off and whatnot. (switches to a throaty smooth-talker voice) Ladies, someone out there is in need of a sugar daddy and I think we all know where to find him. (winks)
(together)
Matt: Anna, I couldn’t have done this without you. And I wouldn’t have, either.
Anna: (solemnly) Matt, I have a confession to make. At the last competition, I almost marked the sign. Not because I wanted all the money, but because I thought it would help us win. (tearing up) Then, I realized it was symbolic, and I couldn’t do it. Because of you. Forgive me?
Matt: Always. (hugs her)
Anna: (pulls away) Oh, get yourself a girlfriend. We’ll double date.
Matt: Works for me.
(move to montage)
(the contestants present themselves to the other group on the first day, and meet up with their partners)
(the contestants find interesting ways to arrange themselves on the couch)
(the teams sit in the solarium with books in their laps, talking, listening, and laughing)
(at the patio table, the contestants converse, sometimes breaking out into appalled looks, smiles, laughter, or stunned silence)
(the teams, sharing beds, wake up in humorous positions)
(the beauties sit around a table in the shopping mall parking lot staring at index cards in front of them)
(the geeks sit in a fabric store, creating costumes of various designs)
(alternating scenes of the women walking out on the runway in costumes and the guys walking into the meeting room showing off their makeovers)
(the last three teams competing on a ropes course above a lake)
(the last three teams sitting in their rooms and the solarium, having meaningful conversations)
(dozens of scenes where the contestants shake hands and hug each other, sometimes laying kisses on cheeks or foreheads)
(each team walks out the door carrying suitcases: Xander and Oakleigh, Riley and Jessie, Josh and Aubrey; Kendall and Kayley, James and Constance; Chris and Jolie, and finally Matt and Anna)
(a brief image off all the beauties and geeks posing for a group photo, hanging on each other and laughing)
~
A/N: Whew! Finally, this monster is done. I must say that it feels good to have gotten through the hardest part of this. The Aftermath episode should present few problems.
On the next episode of Beauty and the Geek:
Brian: (voiceover) We invite all our beauties and geeks for the aftermath episode.
(the former teams walk in and sit on loveseats)
Brian: Riley, you mentioned that you wanted to do something in your good-bye message. (Riley cringes) Let’s look at the tape.
Brian: James, Kayley, how are things going? (James and Kayley look at each other)
Brian: Chris, while don’t you talk to us about how things have been since the show.
Brian: Kendall, what about you? (
Brian: Anna… (Anna smiles evilly)
Brian: Oakleigh, Xander, even though you only stayed a few days with us, you still said you changed a lot. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about it?
Xander: (smiling) Well, I’m practically a celebrity back at CalTech…
Oakleigh: Oh my gosh! It is really progressing my career. Let me tell you…
Brian: Now, Josh, I hear that you got an interesting request after the show.
Josh: Yeah, you won’t believe this…
Brian: Jolie, I heard you’ve taken up Sudoku…
Brian: Matt, made any more movies…
Matt: (with ironic tone, as if cued) Well, since you asked…
Brian: Jolie, Aubrey, I think it’s time to do this…
^_^ - So, Tabaith, what’s your hidden hobby? Riding in a MAT machine? Really? He he he… me… too… (faints)
Started Tuesday, May 22,
2006. Finished Monday, June 12, 2006.