by Toby
They had successfully maintained somewhat of the same schedule for years now. Kerry worked the early shift and Sandy worked third watch. That gave them some overlap in the early evening to be together and Kerry could bring Enriqu� home from day care leaving Sandy to drop him off as she came off shift.
Kerry had loved every phase of their family, of Riqu�s growing up. Although the snuggly phase slowed her down somewhat as they went out shopping or walked outside, the physical demands of motherhood never phased her. She always had strong arms to offer to pick him up and to hug when the world�s small crises were too much for the child. Sandy finally had her baseball team. And her soccer team and her football team.
�Hey, Lopez.� Kerry would tease �I don�t want him to be a total jock you know!�
�You know, Kerry, all brains is just boring. Relax.�
Mostly Sandy and Kerry just sat back, watching the child, their child unfold with all of his individuality and personality.
Just watching him grow was something they shared endlessly. They talked constantly about helping to form one male for the world who would embrace peace and love and a caring for others. But that�s all they could do, �help form� because the child always seemed to have a personality and mind all his own.
++++
Now that Riqu� was on the pewee ice hockey team Kerry raced home on time most afternoons to get him to practice. She sat shivering on the lowest level of the bleachers, willing herself warm, willing her son not to take a hit against the boards or a slapshot to the head. Instead it was some other kid on the team. She saw it as it happened although she didn�t always pay that close attention to the practice. The kid went down like a brick. The coach slid over to the child. Kerry stood up mouthing a quiet �My god!� to herself. The coach called out loudly to the small cluster of parents �Anyone got a cell phone? Anyone a doctor?� Kerry watched, detached from herself as one mom did indeed produce a cell phone to call 911. Kerry started to breathe again when a dad thankfully stepped out onto the ice, gracefully skating over to the downed boy on his leather shoe soles, and answered in the affirmative: �Yes, I�m a doctor.�
Kerry looked over towards her son. She understood his fixed stare from across the ice. She rarely disappointed herself. She had never disappointed her son. This was one of those times.
++++
Things were fairly easy for Enriqu� in school until the third grade. He was bright and funny, accepted and looked up to by his peers. It was hard to say why at eight years old, suddenly the parents you had at home mattered to your friends or why you had to justify having two mothers. After one particularly defensive day, Sandy picked the boy up after school and found him very quiet.
�Aie, puppy. What�s up?� She tousled his hair but couldn�t get anything out of him. �Was somebody mean at school?�
Again, no response but she wondered if there was assent in his silence. When Kerry got home she followed Kerry into the bedroom where she was changing out of her scrubs.
�I think maybe it�s finally happened.�
�What are you talking about?�
�Maybe some kids got to him or something.�
Kerry sat on the edge of the bed to pull on some sweatpants. �You mean the two mommy thing?�
�Yeah.�
Kerry looked concerned. �OK, I�ll go talk to him.�
�Enriqu�?� Kerry knocked on his door. She pushed it open after a brief pause with no response. Her son was laying on his bed, shuffling through his baseball cards from last season.
Kerry sat on the bed but made sure to leave him a zone of space for his private thoughts. After several minutes she began. Quietly and slowly, she spoke as she tried to slow the oozing of feelings that she had negated successfully over 30 years earlier. She was always controlled and a loosening of this protection hurt viscerally. She would never have done it for anyone else but her own son, born from her own flesh. She had always spoken to him as she would to an adult. He was bright that way and expected nothing else.
� It�s funny.� She began. �You would think that if a friend of yours hit you over the head with a stick it would hurt more than anything. You�d think that maybe what happened to that kid who was hit by the hockey puck on your team would really hurt the most. I mean, he passed out and all, right? But, Riqu�, it�s funny - that�s not what hurts the most. It�s words.� She paused. �Words coming out of the mouths of people that used to be your friends, I mean that you thought really were your friends, that�s what hurts the most. Once they say the words, they can�t even take them back because you�ve heard them and you�re hurt. You don�t want to believe what they say � when they say�� Kerry looked at her big ugly calloused right hand and ground one palm against the other. ��that something about you is not right. You know better than that inside, but because they are your friends� were your friends you sort of start to believe them.� Kerry looked over at the boy. He had dropped the cards from his hands and was looking at his mom with huge eyes.
�Why do people do that?� She asked out loud for him. �Because they are scared themselves. They are scared of things that are different from they themselves. Because when they try to understand the world they make up rules about how stuff is supposed to be. Like how a family is supposed to be or how a person should look and if you don�t fit the rule, they are scared and need to put you down. They do it to feel better about themselves so that they feel bigger by making you smaller.�
Kerry�s son sidled towards her and she lifted him onto her lap with her strong arms. �So. What do you do? How do you get up every day and go back to school and how can you be happy? You will find all that inside yourself. All of those answers. You will know that you are good and that your family is good and that kids who don�t understand all this will not crush you or stop you from becoming a firefighter, a nurse or whatever you want to be. You will be so strong�� and she hugged him ��from all this you will grow and become wise and tough and maybe even teach some of those other kids about differences.� Kerry ruffled his hair and sniffed that small boy smell he had. She reached back through so much pain that it almost took her breath and speech away. �They will come to accept you one day. You will be the BEST at something and you will shine. You are one small, wonderful person. If you try to be patient, and think about all of this without building a hard old turtle shell around yourself, you are going to blossom and feel so good about yourself and where you came from.�
Enriqu� hoped up. �Let�s go get mami and play Pictionary.� He offered as he pulled at Kerry to get her up too. �I love you, mom.� He shouted as he ran ahead down the hall to get Sandy.
