by Doc
Kerry and Abby spoke a while longer. They were interrupted a couple of times when Henry needed a changed or a little hug from him mom. They discovered that Abby's drinking could have been caused by a trauma a few days earlier. Abby wasn't sure, she didn't think she was affected that badly by it. There had been several traumas, she didn't know why Kerry was making a big deal out of one.
'...all I'm saying Abby,' Kerry said interrupting the younger woman, 'is that something triggered your drinking heavily again and that trauma might be the key. Maybe not the cause but maybe the trigger to something else.'
Abby wanted to dismiss it again, Kerry had made a couple of attempts at making out that trauma had triggered her but Kerry made sense, she could see that there could be a link.
'Talk me through it again Abby.'
Abby gave a look that let Kerry know she didn't want to go over it again. But taking a deep breath she started the story again.
Kerry listened intently to the run down of the trauma. As Abby told her again of the suicide attempt of the bi-polar patient she couldn't understand how Abby didn't see the connection. The mother of three had stopped taking her medication and had taken an overdose of prescription drugs then jumped out of her second story bedroom window. She had a history of depression, suicide attempts, erratic behavior and could be violent. Abby finished talking. She looked at Kerry, waiting for her to speak.
Kerry looked at Abby, watched Abby. She wanted Abby to come to the same conclusion she did, she was going to get Abby to tell the story again and again and again if she needed. But Abby was getting impatient.
'Kerry, what the hell is it? What? You think because my mother's bi-polar and this woman was that I started to drink?' Kerry said nothing, 'Well, is it?' Abby said more forcefully wanting an answer, turning on the couch crossing her legs in front of her so she looked directly at Kerry at the other end of the couch.
'You don't?'
'No.'
'Really?' Kerry said, she couldn't believe it, she didn't believe it.
'I know my mom could kill herself. I know she's tried. I know my brother could kill himself. I know they suffer. I know this, I accept this. That woman dying, I...' she trailed of, taking a deep breath and rubbing her forehead, this wasn't a conversation she was enjoying. 'Kerry, she died and I did think about my mom and my brother but Kerry it didn't cause me to pick up a bottle again. I'm sorry if that messes up your theory but that's it. I was sorry she died, really I was, her kids were devastated, her husband destroyed but her death had no lasting affect.'
Kerry thought about it. 'Her death had no affect on you?'
'I was sad for her and her family. I thought about my family but that's it Kerry, I got over it. Despite that one day my mother might do that I kept a professional distance between my patient and me.'
'What about her family?' Kerry asked.
Abby was momentarily speechless. 'What about them?' She wondered where Kerry was going with it.
'Well, if her death didn't contribute to you drinking then did her family? Before she died you spoke with them, you knew what they were going through. You'd been through it yourself. You spent time with them after her death, you got to know them. You sat with them, sat through their pain, their tears, their heartache.' Abby listened, Kerry continued with a soft voice, almost a whisper. 'You heard them tell you what it was like living with her. The similarities with your childhood would have been there and then they told you what they were going through now that they had lost her. You heard what you might go through one day. Any day of the week. Any minute of the day. Any second you could get the call saying she had done it and as much as you come over as being strong and prepared, this family showed you that you'd be as devastated as they were.'
Kerry waited. She had leaned over and put her hand on Abby's, her head bowed. Abby shook a little, she was crying. Kerry was right. She hadn't seen it but that's what it was. Kerry noticed and moved along the couch and took Abby in her arms. Abby let her and broke down.
'You're right.' Was all Abby could manage before breaking down completely.