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Death is something which no one likes to talk about... yet it is so part of all our lives and all of us in this lifetime have experienced this particularly tragic episode of losing someone to death.

        Whether the person is a friend, or a parent or just a close relative.... the feelings that the person left behind experiences is the same.

        I talk from experience ... because I lost my father to death last year on October 12th.He died of Aorta Aneurysm......

       Even though we were well aware of his medical condition and were well informed of what was his situation , it did not make losing him any easier.

       The feeling I went through when I heard that my father has left me was one of despair.......... a deep sadness that I could not tell him how much I loved him and all those things that I had wanted to tell him but never did because the time was never right.......

       Being a Hindu, there are some rituals that are conducted in memory of the person passed away and so that the soul finds salvation. It is mainly a 14 day mourning period where immediate relatives are to stay at home and get condolences from people who come to offer them.

       Those 14 days for me are vague...... all I can remember after the initial feeling of despair was that of helplessness that I could not do anything to stop my father from dying... and then of anger that God took him away from us.

       How did I overcome these diverse and strong feelings?

      The truth is - I never did ..... you can only make it better by sharing your feelings with someone who will listen. Let all the feelings come out and don't let it remain within you suffocating you till you break down or break out.

      Almost one year is up since my father s death and still when I think of him all the feelings that I went through when I first heard the news comes running back ....

      I once asked a cousin of mine who also lost her father- "doesn't the pain ever go away?" and about how she had handled the situation.

      The answer I got was a long long email.... the gist of which was this

"That the pain fades but never goes away"

      So here I am still waiting for the pain to fade.

       I have come a long way since my father passed...... a little bit more mature and a few more white hairs.......

      Though I know I will miss my father on my birthdays and of that of my mother and sisters... on any occasion like Christmas and New Year..... one thing keeps me going .......

      The small desire to become someone that my dad would be proud of.... and though I have not reached there yet and have a long long way to go...... I know I am in the right track.

     And now a days when I feel lonely and sad.....one thought comforts me.... the thought my father is up there watching over me.........

    I know there are many people out there who have suffered similar losses.... and I hope they find the strength and courage to accept the loss and become a stronger person. 

- Vinitha

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